Your Voice, Your Value, Your Victory Over Trauma with Jackie Bailey

Hello, welcome to Shining Brightly. This is Howard Brown your Maestro with the mic. I've got a powerful show for you today. Oh my god, your voice, your value your victory over trauma. Jackie. Jackie, welcome. How are you?

I am doing wonderfully and I had to mute there for a second because there's a fire engine going by.

Okay, this is this is podcasting. And this is in real life. So. So how are you though?

Ya know, I'm doing great. It's a it's a we're recording this on a Friday. And you'll see I live a week. It's summertime. It's been it's been great weather. So I can't complain about anything, quite frankly.

So let me you have a very cool Bye. I'm going to read parts of it. And then and you can fill in the blanks there. So Jackie Bailey, don't tell anyone. These are the words which silenced Jackie as a child. When she finally broke the silence as an adult, her hidden value revealed itself Wow. Jackie is the author of self centered leadership becoming influential, intentional and exceptional, published in 2014. And a 2015 semi finalists in the World Championship of public speaking that place they're in the top 98% of speakers of a 33,000 competitors. While congrats on that I did not know that. Today, Jackie runs the Speak, feed and lead public speaking studio in Redmond, Washington, and is the founder and executive director of the Speak feed Lead Project, a nonprofit with a mission to empower our children, teens, adults, and public with public speaking skills. You're also the co host of Life Mastery radio with Todd and Jackie, and I'm going to be a guest real soon. So I'm so that airs on live mastery radio as every Tuesday morning at 10am. Pacific time on Facebook. Wow, wow, wow. This is amazing. And you're going to talk about this. But you know, you really work with kids, and you get them talking. And we're going to dive into that. But before we do that, tell my viewers and listeners. What's something interesting about Jackie that we wouldn't know.

Well, I once lost a perfectly good job because I sang to my potential employer.

Were you sang on an interview?

I well, sort of I was it was I was interviewing for this position that was actually in another state, although it was going to be available for me to work from Washington, even though the job was in Oregon. And so I had been trying to reach this person over the phone. And I had this fairly new flip phone. And I had a hands free device. It was a cord that attached the phone and then sat in my ears. And on my way to the current job I had I thought I'm going to try this person one more time because we had been playing this phone tag the messages back and forth if I'm going to call her one more time on my way to work. So I pulled I put on the hands free device plugged into my flip phone, opened it up dial their number as I'm driving, leave this very professional message. I'm still so looking forward to hearing from you. And then I closed the Flip Phone thinking that the phone had been the call had been stopped. Well, I turned on the radio Abba is on. So I started singing along dancing queen, you know that as I'm singing about a verse and a half of the song. And all of a sudden I hear this voice in my ear that says if you'd like to continue leaving a message, please press one. So that entire song I had recorded on this person.

You press one

I well. I already been leaving a message. I've been singing to her the whole time.

Well, nobody so that you you but you didn't change it, you send it through.

I couldn't I didn't have a choice. I sent it through and so I I called back as soon as I got to work and got her secretary again who had sent me to this voicemail right. In the first point I explained what I had done and she goes Oh, she thinks that's gonna be funny. I bet she'll just laugh her way back to Cali. You never heard from the person again ever again

That is the coolest story of car karaoke. That was That's awesome. Let's, let's, let's let's let's dig in here. So, boy, you got a powerful story. So I'd like you to open it up and said, you know, you've been voiceless in your life and as a child, and please, please tell us what that means.

Well, what that means is, as you mentioned, don't tell anyone where those words that after that frequent nightly acts of sexual assault from a family member, that's what I was told and I was obedient, which means that I didn't speak up. I didn't speak out for myself. In fact, I was always really hesitant in social situations and conversations because I was afraid I might tell something that I wasn't supposed to tell. So it suppressed not only my voice, but it suppressed who I was and who I could have been, because I could not be myself. And in that regard, I was silenced. It's very much like a lot of the kids during the recent pandemic, that have been taken out of school, they've been taken away from friends, they were taken away from after school activities and sports and things like that have no choice of their own. And they were left without really an ability to talk about how they were feeling. Many of my students actually told me that they couldn't really complain to their parents, because they knew their parents were totally stressed out. And if they complained about the situation, it would make it worse for the family. So they basically stayed silent, just like I had done in a different situation. And so that's what I mean, when I say, I was voiceless, because I really didn't have a way to speak about what was happening to me.

I can tell you, I'm horrified. You're a little girl. And this abuse is unthinkable. It happened. And it happened over and over again. And you internalize that you grew up with it. You say that your voice has value, can you can you expand on that for me?

Yes, I, it took many years to learn that because I didn't have any value in myself. And then after these years of chronic abuse. And it was, there was one abuser that lived with me, it's actually an older brother. But there were also abusers that were family, friends, and so forth. So it wasn't just one occasion. But this one was the chronic situation and where I had to live. And it was when I was an adult woman, married with two young children, that this abusive brother of mine got married, and had a baby girl with his wife. And having not ever broken the silence, I went into this emotional crisis at that moment, because I knew he had access to another child, who no one would know to watch out for, because no one knew the kind of person that he was. And so I view this as I have some choices to make here. One of them being I could just take my life and not have to live with any other choice that I make. Which, at that time, I had a lot to risk. I as I said I was I was married. No one knew my ugliness the way I felt no one knew the shame that I felt. And so by revealing all of that I risked my marriage. What if my husband didn't love me anymore? What if he didn't want to be with me anymore? What if I wasn't believed and someone tried to take my children from me because I was some lunatic person. So that was the the things that I felt like I risked by also risked my self respect by not revealing the secret and possibly saving the life of this little girl or keeping her at least safe from possible abuse. And in the end, what kept me here was that I realized I actually loved my children more than I hated myself, because if I left with that secret, then no one would even know to watch out for my own children who would keep them safe. So it was the three more aware of those first three words don't tell anyone that that ruined a life. But then I found value. When I started to say I've secret. Three other words that started to reveal what had happened, where I realized I had something worthy of being heard. Something to say that people around me needed to hear to to actually save the life of someone else. So it was another series of events that went on years at when I once I started therapy. By the way, my husband didn't leave me, supported me. Most people believe me, they're my children being taken from me were never a threat. There were some people who didn't buy into the story. But in therapy, I started to reveal that secret to the people that I thought would support me the most. And the on the first day I saw this counselor, she asked me a tremendously powerful question. She said, Do you think you can forgive? And in that moment, when I was in so much pain, it was almost like I was reliving every moment of the abuse I'd suffered for 10 years of my life, she would ask me something like that, which seems so impossible. In that moment, she may as well have asked me, Do you think you can lift up a semi truck and throw it across the road, because it just seemed that impossible. And I probably laughed a little bit out loud when she asked me that. But then she clarified and she said, Well, if you don't at least work toward being able to forgive someday, then you're never going to fully heal. And so I took that to heart. And it was 10 years later, when I finally reached the point, when I did feel that I had forgiven, that I let go of it all, it was no longer going to control me, I was no longer silenced. And I little by little had built me who i was i i become the person that to some degree, I could be at that time in my life as a young woman with with with children. And so I flew back home to where this brother of mine lived. And I said, three more magical words that validated the true value of my voice, which was I forgive you, did you forgive yourself? I do. Yeah. What I didn't know, however, is by using my voice to say those three words, that not only did I heal completely, but I finally allowed this brother of mine to begin the healing process, because at some point, within all of those years, I had become the one holding the key to his prison. You know, I was his victim all of those years as a child. But at some point, he became mine because I was holding his progress back when I was withholding forgiveness from him. And so when I uttered those three words, his life now changed. He had permission now, to forgive himself, which was key. And so those those three words are the most magical words, I believe in the whole human language, I forgive you, because they, they changed two lives literally change to life. So I want

So to applaud you on the courage and the work that you put in to get there and get here. It's, it's incredible. And it shows your true resiliency. You know, my book is about resilience to hope of surviving to cancers and life. And did you did you break this cycle? Is this daughter safe?

Yes, in fact, I didn't know because once it was revealed that he needed to be, you know, separated from the daughter. She was, even as she grew into adolescence, she could not understand why she wasn't allowed to stay the night with her dad, because he had divorced his wife after that. couldn't understand why she couldn't stay with their dad, while Mom always had to be around. It kind of bothered her for many years. But no one had ever told her the circumstances behind that. Well, it wasn't till she was in her 30s When a series of events occurred, where she learned something about her dad that she didn't know. And then she called me to say, is this true? How could this be true? Tell me, tell me about this. And I told her the story. And she said, Well, you know, Jackie, you kept me safe. You saved my life, because I never even knew anything like that about my dad. Now, it all makes sense. So yes, I didn't know that for many, many years. And so it was very heartwarming to know that that small action I took just say I have a secret actually did save her life.

And you get so much again, this doesn't do it any justice on a short podcast. But how are you using your voice today?

Oh, gosh. Well, as you mentioned, in my introduction, I started sharing my story. Now I had served as a leader in this nonprofit organization called Toastmasters International, I had led 1000s of people, I had trained hundreds of people, and been on trips with several of these people to go to conventions and whatnot. But no one knew my story. And when I was eligible to compete, I thought now's the time to start sharing my story on a competitive stage in preparation for the World Championships, and so I started to share my story and people were shocked, literally shocked now that my speech wasn't necessarily about the abuse. It was about the forgiveness, to to heal from the abuse. So it was They had that motivational appeal to it. And so I started to share my voice that way. And then I went to the semifinals competition. I didn't move on to the finals, but it was quite an emotional roller coaster to prepare for that it's a five to seven minute speech. So it has to contain this motivational appeal, but also has to be a little bit humorous. And, you know, it has to be to an international audience, people from all over the world, we're hearing this, this message. And afterwards, I got a call from this homeschool Association, who said, we've got a group of kids, their middle school age, would you be able to come in and teach them public speaking? I thought he could do that. It actually was a diversion. From the sadness, I was feeling over not going on in the competition. And so I took it on. And then to make a long story short, that built into another program. And then another program. Before I knew it, I was developing all this curriculum and public speaking for the for teens and for kids. But I was seeing the tremendous impact it was making on these kids. From the first day when they didn't even want to make eye contact with me or their peers, to even have a conversation to at the end of nine weeks, they were sharing their deepest emotions, with the audience with their peers knowing they were safe to do so. So when I saw the tremendous progress and impact it was making, the curriculum I developed began to work toward that end, and I was holding these workshops all around town and renting community rooms or conference rooms and things like that traveling everywhere, eating three meals a day in the car, but my classes were full. And it wasn't until 2019 When I found an actual studio that I could call my own. And then we started having classes here and we became a nonprofit. And now what we do as a nonprofit is I use the curriculum I developed in my for profit business, to teach kids to feel empowered, by knowing that they have experiences they've had in life that now can be inspiring stories to share with others. I give them the skills to deliver their messages with power, they learn how to have conversations and actively listen. And I put them on stages. For summits, organizations and businesses are holding summits, my students get to be keynote speakers on the stages, and they share their messages now with the world. And I cannot tell you how amazing it is to watch.

I have to tell you, it's beautiful, because on the week of kindness and gratitude, this past June, you had about six of your students on there. They were great. I mean, they're you first of all getting to use their voice is something you need in life. I have a small snippet of that in my book, my daughter was a tripper, she kicked them out on nature hikes and overnights camp. And these little 10 to 12 year olds, she would get them talking and they didn't want to talk about fluff. They want to talk about serious divorce or death or problems and things that they saw in the world. Now, that's amazing, because all these kids are growing up digital, and they're just staring at their cell phones, right? So being able to look someone out and speak is amazing. And I'm a speaker as well. And I'm always learning and creating and how to meet your audience and give them take home value and stuff. So what a worthy nonprofit, this is just really great. I want to tell you that your story people should get to know you and get to know your nonprofit, it is such a triumph that you did you worked on yourself, it took time. And you know, you've come out this way and now you're sharing with the world and I just want to applaud you and just tell you I always say that, you know, Jackie, you're shining brightly with us. So tell tell us, I think we have something that a giveaway right? You have a giveaway, we'll have the link there. What is the giveaway you'd like to share with that?

I am giving everyone 30 days free of a positive positive prime, which is a neuro scientific tool that changes your brain to think more positively, to feel more gratitude, and to be more creative and happy throughout your day. It's really simple. It takes three minutes of use once a day and you get six to eight hours of benefit from it. It's like a vision board on steroids. And I have learned that when you want to change your mindset from the old tapes that play in your head that still play in my head, you're not worth hearing you don't have anything to offer blah, blah state stay silent. Those tapes constantly play in my head. So positive prime gives me an opportunity to change those tapes because I manifest a different reality within the gap between what is real and what I want reality to look like. And positive prime does that for me. So within 30 days, you don't have to even provide a credit card. You can try it free. You have access. Oh, there's the siren again. You have access to hundreds, literally hundreds of sessions for people like Jack Canfield, Shawn Joe Hall, David Wolf, people who created these sessions, I have created my own session, three minutes a day. So everyone gets 3030 days free. And if you love it, which I'm sure you will, then we'll talk about your next step but it will change your life for 30 minutes

in this in the sirens going on because and we'll we'll post this in the in the podcast but positive prime.com forward slash Jackie IEB-30-day-challenge. It's it's tremendous. So I think, what do you got to lose? Right? You should try to talk self improvement and things like that as well. How should people get in touch with you?

You can find anything you want to know about me at Jackie Bailey. Threesixty.com Jackie Bailey 360 dot com. That'll give you access to my for profit business, my nonprofit website business, you'll see videos about me you'll find out how to support the kids if you want to you'll get a positive prime session there you'll get see all my books. Everything about me is there. Connect with me on all sorts of social social media. So that's the best place to find.

Awesome. So I have some really great news that shining brightly is going to be out for preorder. It's available for the hardcopy, the paperbacks coming soon. If you need to get in touch with me, I'm at shining brightly.com. And these are these are the stories that people need to hear about. And we go from resilience to hope and we just sometimes just getting out of bed each day and sometimes we take huge giant steps forward. And thank you for being here. Really important that that we share and you've had the courage to share this story. So Jackie, we're gonna see you soon on on the podcast on Life Mastery Radio. I'm grateful for that. And thank you again.

Thank you so much, Howard. I appreciate it. I may not be able to stop abuse in the home, but I will not allow any child to be voiceless again. So thank you for letting me share that. I appreciate it.