The 3 Levels Of Relationships with Denise Belisle

Hello, this is Shining Brightly. This is Howard Brown, your Maestro with the mic. And I have a great show for you today. Three levels of relationships. What is that? We got to find out? I've got the extraordinary Denise Belisle here with me today. How are you my dear?

I'm doing wonderful. Thank you so much for having me on your show.

And you're up in Canada, right?

Yes, Vancouver, British Columbia.

How's it how's the Great North doing today?

Great notes doing awesome. You know, sunshine and warm weather and perfect summer day.

Excellent. We got the same here in the suburbs of Detroit, Michigan. So we're happy. We're great. Let me tell you who's here with us today. So Denise is the founder of the Denise Besisle in motion coaching. She is a serenity expert, a positivity intelligence specialist. She has over 40 years of meditation practice or innate nature to look for the gift in everything around her allows her to guide her clients to new levels that were inaccessible to them before her clients can have a successful career without burnout. They can also go home energized and spend quality time with their loved ones who doesn't want that. Alright, well, we can see that you're you've got great qualifications. What's something else that we need to know about you?

Um, well, I am I have, I don't know how to say it like I am intuitive. So whenever I work with my clients, I can sometime feel that there's something more somewhere. And then we go in an exploration and I say, Hey, I feel that we need to go in that direction for a second. Then we go explore and sometimes something amazing come out of it. Like the clients is not so sure. And then we go there and something beautiful come out. And so intuition is one of my great superpower.

Wow, I like that. I like that a lot. So how'd you even get started in this work?

To do coaching?

Yeah, just Yeah. What led you to this field? Something drew you in? Right?

Yeah, I've been I've been interesting in health and wellness pretty much my whole life since since adult life since I'm, you know, like when your kids are a teenager, you don't really care about that stuff. But as you it's your late teens or 20s, it's like you started, I started to think more about my health, my being well, and how to stay young forever, because I didn't want to grow old. And so that's what led me to reading different books, doing some study doing some retreats about meditation, I have about 15 on 15,000 hours of meditation under my butt. So and so it just cumulative, right? And when you add it all up by doing retreats, and by doing it every day, and every time I meditate know that, I mean, they say you have to do over 10,000 to become an expert. So I met with over 15 So I'm pretty good that way. And so then as I move forward that was doing the regular Joe or Jane life, you know, just going to school, going to work, whatever. But eventually I ended up I found myself doing bodywork here in Vancouver, and I was doing massage and I was coaching my clients on the table because you know, what, what do you do they talk to you about their problem, right? So you help them you talk to them, you coach them through it. And then eventually I said, Well, why don't I do that for a living? Like and then I took some coaching courses and all that in different modality and here I am, you know, I'm finally certified in three different modality and the last one is positive intelligence. I'm a certified positive intelligent coach.

I have to tell you so right, you're on the massage table, you're getting your nails done, you're getting your hair, cut your head, I think every place but the dentist, you start to get your therapy, right. You tell them you tell them what's going on in your life. And some it's good or bad. Oh my god,

yeah, dentists, you can do that just because he can't talk.

Right? You want to but they got something in your mouth. So oh, that's incredible. So tell me the three levels of relationship.

Yeah, the travel relationship that I figure out is there as the I which is me. There we which is me and the people that are really close to me, could be my partner could be my kids could be the people that are maybe maybe your sibling in your parents, you know, depending of your relationship, but the Wii is the people that you know, very close. And then there's the day which is everybody else's everybody else that you encounter in your daily life. And so what I did is I broke it down to the importance of how do you want to have the relationship first with yourself? What kind of relationship do you have with yourself? How do you talk to yourself and that has a lot to do also with the past. Positive Intelligence that I'm that I've been certify with. And it's like, what do you tell yourself? Like, where are those voices coming from? Like, because we all have voices in our mind, people that says that they don't talk to themselves. They're lying. Like we always saying something inside, whether it's positive or negative. And we always have a little dialogue going on in our brain. I unless I'm the only one but you know, please, people that are listening, you know, just let me know, if you don't have any voice in your mind, I'd love to know. And so these voices these things, we're telling ourselves, like, Oh, I'm afraid or I'm not good enough. Or, like, I know, I'll find a parking wherever I'm going. Like, there's people that always find parking wherever they go. Why is that? And some people, they say, I can never find a parking and they end up running around the block five times to find a place. Why is that? It's all about mindset. It's all about what you tell yourself, or people that tell themselves like, I'm not good enough or so that's the relationship with yourself. So what do you do with those voices? How do you handle them? What do you how do you talk to yourself? How do you treat yourself? If you do something wrong? Do you hit yourself over the head with a hammer and say, You're so bad? So you know, you're the, you know, like, you're on a diet and then you end up eating a big piece of chocolate cake? Are you telling yourself you're such a pig? You're such a fat pig? You know, you never if some people say that right? You're never going to be able to lose the way Why do you even bother and all that stuff? And and how do you talk to yourself. So what I help with the is to have more self compassion, to have more love for yourself, find ways with through my coaching to quiet down those voices, have more empathy for yourself, have more empathy, then we'll get to that to others, discover a different solution for your problem. So whenever you have a problems, there's one problem and there's multitude of solutions. So how do you go look for those solution? How do you see different ways different and innovative way to live your life and how to move forward in your life and create more joy and create more internal joy. The joy is not having the perfect boyfriend, the perfect job or the best car, the best house and the perfect pet. So joy is what you have inside is what? It's your innate, being should be happy and joyful no matter what. Yeah, can you lose your job, you lose your you're on the sidewalk without money, you still have that inner joy inside that will carry you forward. So how do you develop that? So that's the I so that's the word.

I want to just make sure. So first one is the I dealing with self right? Yes. The second one is the Wii. And these are the people closest to you. Yeah. And the third one we're going to cover is the day those are the others. Yes. Right. This is cool. This is good stuff. All right. So now we talked about the AI now we're gonna go to the Wii.

Yes, we agree. Yes, we. So the We is Okay, so let's imagine you have a relationship and you have a partner. So how's your relationship with your partner? How often do I hear that you've been with someone with for like, 2025 years? And like, it's yeah, we're we're getting along, but it's very natural. There's no big loss. There's no loss. You know, the excitement, there's no big, you know, like sparks or anything like that. It's like you're Yeah, we roommate, and we have sex from time to time, you know, whenever he forced me to. But did a woman don't have the same sex drivers, man? And you know, there, it comes a time where a woman has less sex drive. So how do the partner so let's say you're a man and you're looking at your way, how do I look at my partner, the female for example, the typical male and female relationship, which now it's so generic that we can have all bunch, but let's look at that one. And okay, so how do I, what do I need to do for her to be happy? Right, or what do I need to do for him, for him to be happy? How can I change my behaviors because our relationship change? So how can I adapt myself first, it's always though I always come back. It's not Oh, he's not doing this. He's not doing that. She's not doing this. She's not doing that. Stop pointing fingers, pointing fingers at you and say, What can I do? To bring more happiness in my life and my relationships?

Men might have an unfair advantage called Viagra or Cialis. Maybe Maybe we get an advantage now in the bedroom. We'll have to see but

but but even

sometimes bad,

yeah. But how do you like I met a lady couple weeks ago, and she was telling me that she's going to be retiring by the end of the year. And I said, Oh, what are your big plans for the retirement she said to rekindle my relationship? Because what happened? You work she worked We're like, everybody's busy with the kids or whatever the situation is. And the couple itself kind of forgot one another to an extreme, right? They do things together. But it's habitual. There's nothing exciting. It's just the day to day things and all that. But when you see that it's slightly declined, because you work so much, and nine to five and all that. But now you stop working. And our goal for her was like, I really want to enjoy the rest of the time I have with my partner, her partner was seven years old, and I imagined she was be around 60. And, and then because I was on the phone, so I didn't see, I don't know what she looked like, but but let's say they have 510 years difference. So the partner imagine lives to nine years, she said, Well, now we have at least 20 years together, how do we want to live our next 20 years? You know, what are the plan to live the next 20 years being the happiest of our life? And something that not many couples are asking themselves, right? Like you look at the time and say, How can we live the rest of our life make, like, that's one thing that I coach is how to rock the second half of your life? How do I move forward and be able to say that, you know, the last 10 years, the last 15 years, the last 20 years has been the best of my life.

Now rock the second half, I love that we have very similar philosophies I talked to lots of people that have fallen down, whether it's how cancer, divorce, addiction, it doesn't matter, everyone's falling down, getting fired, we've all fall down. But the first part of that very similar to the AI is right lifting yourself up, right self care, self love, work life balance. And then I love this, that we because then your what she's saying is that I want to lift others up, I want to lift my partner up. And then we lift others, and there's so much benefit to doing that. So I love where we're this is going this is great. So we got to go into the day, then who

you have the we also can be with your children. So what's your relationship with your children? What's your relationship? And if you go a little bit further, like your parents or your sibling, and these are people that in a sense, like we say we don't choose our family, right, but we have them so how can we make the relationship with the people that are closest to us the best? So it's all looking at? How do what can I do? It's always looking in, don't expect others to change? How can you decide to change yourself so that others are seeing you in a different eyes and will that will enhance their life?

I hear you but in the cancer world that I've you know, been living in these last six years, and then prior the emotionally, physically, financially, and relationships all break and break down. And so what you're saying is that, start with yourself, be responsible, be accountable, and then go to the Wii and the piece of people that mean the most to you. Yeah, I agree. Oh, this is this is this is all very good stuff.

And then that they

Okay,

well, it's how do you see yourself in the society? How do you want to be seen as an individual in this society? We all seen if we walk around, and we see people that are grumpy, and we see people that are happy, like, do you want to be seen as a grumpy person? Do you want to be seen as a happy person? Do you want to be seen as a person that as trigger like, you know that they will, they will get angry, whatever you do, or you want to be seen as someone that will be pleasant to be around with or someone that will that keep people can count on. So that's how you want to be like, for me, I choose to be more love. I choose to bring more love to the society I choose to, to be more giving and loving. So if I happen to not do that, which happened, then I have a retrospect on my behaviors. And I say well, that wasn't really loving was it like I talked to myself, like I reprimand myself in some ways. I said, you kind of fell down the wagon there that was not really loving. So what can you do? You know, next that will change that. For example. If I was nasty or say something bad to someone, well, I could go apologize. I could choose not to which is right which is my right to but you know, like you see what I mean, right? I can decide now that I'm aware that I was not the best I can be. I can decide, do I go apologize? Do I go do something else if I can't change like somebody, you know, driving, I give the finger and hit the horn when they pass me on the road and I get angry. Then there's nothing I can do about that. But I can be nice on the road. But from then on, like, be more conscious, right? Just bring back awareness.

I love this because you you choose love, I would choose like gratitude, kindness and hope. But again, it depends on the situation, right? It depends on what you need. But you can always choose kindness, you can always choose love, you can always be grateful. So I think I know the answer. But I mean, I know what's the most important out of the eye that we in the day?

It's the I, of course, always go back to me, regardless of where I find myself in the society. It's, it's all about how do I choose to be in that situation?

So I will tell you that it is how do you break the cycle of negativity, I deal with this with a lot of cancer patients a lot is isolated. You know, their health is terrible. They're just getting bad news after bad news. How do you how do you how do you break that vicious cycle?

I think it's too. And it's not easy, especially this intuition, you just say right? Like you have like, No, it's not curable. You have a few months and this and that. My point of view, if that was to be my case, I would create a mindset that says well, a lot of people were giving a death sentence and they made it I can be one of them to write even stage four, look at you write stage four cancer, and you made it like it's, it's, it's a choice. And then you have to believe it's strong enough to see yourself on the other side. And to see yourself as somebody healthy, somebody cured. Somebody that lives a fulfilled life that is healthy, happy, and living to the ripe old age. And it's a choice.

You're absolutely 100%. But I will tell you that I always say that I'm blessed. I am grateful. I am lucky. Okay with 4% chance to live more than 12 months. But it took work, the survivorship platform in cancer and in life. It took work I found my happy place. It doesn't it just doesn't come to you can't just you can't just sit and do nothing. You have to take steps to move things forward. Or else you're just going to sit and stay at

that thing, right? Like being negative is really easy. Look at the society, right? That's this easy way out. Yeah, being negative. But choosing awareness, choosing mindfulness choosing to want to have a happy life a happy ending, right, like fruitful life. As you mentioned, it all starts with gratitude. Be thankful for every day I woke up this morning. Awesome. I'm super happy like I have some time migraine and I woke up this morning. I had no migraine. I was like yeah, I don't have a migraine this morning. I'm happy like life is awesome. I went out for a walk for an hour and I was looking at the birds and the bees and you know like just the fresh air and I live by the water the sea here and I was looking at the sea and the birds and I haven't Aaron's water and dry air flying in front of me and I was like life is beautiful. Right?

And you're here today and you're and you're having so many you're gonna you're gonna if you help one it's a bonus but you're gonna help many because we're going to everyone's get started on your I started on your i Yeah, doesn't cost anything really. You can get started right now. Right? Yeah, yeah, this is amazing. So what's what's another maybe you have another tip? Bonus tip that you can share with the viewers and listeners?

Yeah, of course. Like I think it's developing. Like choosing it's a choice. The major and it's not an easy tip, but I'm gonna give it anyway is to be 100 decide to be 100% responsible for what happened to you.

So take ownership

Take ownership, stop saying it's not my fault because I have cancer. It's not my fault because there was traffic it's not my fault because my dog ate my homework. Like, be 100% responsible for what happened to you. And gratefulness right once you have those two ingredients, your life will be better than you ever imagined.

This has been amazing. So you have a giveaway I think right?

Yes. Yeah.

What do you what do you what do you want? What do we want to give the people

well I call it the spring cleaning for your brain.

Oh, and it's not spring so the fall cleaning for your brain? Yeah, I guess

you know, but the idea of spring cleaning when we think spring cleaning we like okay we winters over you go to patio you clean up your lawn, you clean up your patio, you take the cobweb out you wash the windows and and how do you feel afterwards? You feel so good, right that this this sense of eco and punishment or the cleanliness, you know, or if you're if you have like, I used to have like your cleaning lady that would come here and every two weeks or whatever. But the day that I would come back home after she was here, it was like, I can tell she's been here, wow. And you feel a sense of calm and relaxed and all that. So we clean our environment, we clean our body, people do body cleanse, detox, cleanse, fasting, cleanse, and all that we do that, right? We clean our environment, we clean our body, but how often do you clean your brain? How often do you pay attention to what's in your brain and say, I don't need that anymore. I don't need that way of thinking anymore. I don't need that limiting belief anymore. I don't need that relationship anymore. Sometime, we just need to let go of people to imagine you're cleaning up your garage. And then you take everything we know, people that have garage, they can't even put their car in there. Because there's so much stuff in there. And I'm sure some of you are recognizing yourself. So imagine you put everything on the lawn on the driveway, you put everything up everything, then what do you do you sweep, you pay, maybe you want to put shelves so that you can organize things, you want to buy some bins, so you have to add a few things into that garage. And then you look at the items on the lawn or the driveway and you say, you know that that old myth of baseball myth that it has full of holes? Why am I keeping that, I'm just going to leave it away, and I'm gonna leave that away, I don't need this, I don't need that. Let's give that Salvation Army, let's give that to, you know, the poor or whatever. And let's put things in bins. So it's organized. And in the end, everything is on the surrounding, and you have lots of space in the middle. What about our brains, like there's thoughts and behaviors and way of things that we do or maybe things we eat, maybe things we say that we need to pull out of our brain and let it out. So the that little handout, it's not many pages, like maybe 15 pages of a pocket book.

When you get the link, we're going to put the link, it's going to scroll the tiny CC /clean your brain. It'll scroll when we get edited, but people will be able to download it. And there's

a street three step process, very easy to do. Of course, easy in a sense that you have to sit down and do it. You know, you do some introspection when it's like cleaning the garage, not easy cleaning your brain is not easy. But then it allows you to decide what take it make an inventory of what's in your brain of the things that are going well, things are not going well. And then make a list of the things you need to add some time you might need to have some coaching sometime you might need to have some counseling sometime you might need to have take a course and do something to add something in your life. If you want to add something sometimes you need to take courses. And how are you going to apply that in your brain and your life? How are you going to integrate that into your life? And so that three step process is we all

This is amazing. So how do people get in touch with you Denise?

While they can go to my website, they can I think I send you some links for my social media and my website so people can contact me through social media website, email. My email is my name Denise@DeniseBelisle.com and then also your website. Yeah, DeniseBelisle.com. So

I want to tell you this has been a pure pleasure, what a million takeaways from this the either we end the day, Denise, thank you so much. You are shining the bright spotlight on you today. I've got some exciting news that my book is coming for preorder and then the launch dates, the 27th These are exciting times and you can reach me at ShiningBrightly.com I want to thank you this was an amazing episode. And really you shed so much wisdom on people and they can they can clean out their brain and they can go through the three levels of relationship and start improving themselves in their lives today. Absolutely. Thank you for being here. You've been a great guest. I really enjoyed having you.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here.