Episode Summary – CONVERSATION WITH MY CHEMOTHERAPY MEDI-PORT that has lived inside of me for over 7 years. This may be the first time anyone has decided to publish a show talking to their power-port. In Episode 42 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show (links in the comments) – titled “SURVIVORSHIP – A Big Step Forward” I offer a solo broadcast where I get deep, vulnerable and share how I got to this point on Monday August 21, 2023 where my chemo port was surgically removed and what that means and feels like. Come listen, watch and share this HUGE MOMENT with me as we are all a work in process in life, business, family and in health! See how HUMPTY-DUMPTY version 3.0 continues to build and lead a resilient life with hope to help lift up myself and others to become a force multiplier for good and positive change in this world. Remember to Shine Brightly each day for yourself, others and your communities and I promise the world will be a better place!
Mentioned Resources
Website - https://www.shiningbrightly.com/
Amazon - Hardcover, Paperback and
Kindle eBook https://tinyurl.com/BuyShiningBrightly
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/howardsbrown/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36
Instagram - @howard.brown.36
Podcast
- https://shining-brightly.captivate.fm/
About the Host:
Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.
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#survivorship #cancer #diagnosis #treatment #colorectalcancer #lymphoma #chemotherapy #surgery #radiation #clinicaltrials #support #caregiver #life #death #books #author #bestseller #bookawards #tv #television #entreprenuers #coaching #intentional #authentic #vulnerable #blessing #grateful #kindness #giving #healing #motivation #education #inspiration #podcast #listen #download #share #review #shiningbrightly
Hello, it's Howard Brown, Mr. shining brightly.
Howard Brown:This is episode 42. And you get me solo, I have a really
Howard Brown:important thing to talk about today. And it's deeply personal.
Howard Brown:So I just wanted to share what's happening. And this is exciting
Howard Brown:news, but also a lot of thought love deep introspection. So I'm
Howard Brown:not sure if this has ever been done before. But the show's
Howard Brown:called one big step forward. And it's all about survivorship. And
Howard Brown:we all get knocked down in life, and in business and in family
Howard Brown:and health. And as many of you know, I got knocked down twice
Howard Brown:from stage four cancer diagnosis. So without burying
Howard Brown:the lede, we're going to have a conversation with my
Howard Brown:chemotherapy, medi port. So some of you may not what not know
Howard Brown:what that is. So I'm going to show you, but it's, I don't know
Howard Brown:if this has ever been done before, um, I have a
Howard Brown:conversation with my port because it lived inside of me
Howard Brown:for seven years. And it saw a lot, it felt a lot. And I want
Howard Brown:to see if it has anything to say. So let me give you a
Howard Brown:background are here. So unfortunately, twice in my life,
Howard Brown:I've got those words called you have cancer, which we all talk
Howard Brown:about. We have cancer, because it wasn't just me. It was my
Howard Brown:caregiving parents, my wife, my daughter, my extended family, my
Howard Brown:huge global network of friends. When you get that news, and I
Howard Brown:got that news in 1989, for stage for T cell, non Hodgkins
Howard Brown:lymphoma, and nothing was working, but thank God to have a
Howard Brown:twin sister that was an exact match. And she saved my life
Howard Brown:through a bone marrow transplant and may 24 of 1990 and I had to
Howard Brown:put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I moved out to
Howard Brown:California. And I, my career got back on track, I had to build up
Howard Brown:my mental toughness, my physical fitness, my finances, all at age
Howard Brown:25. And, but I got married, I did a lot of community service,
Howard Brown:including becoming a big brother to E and Alice. And then miracle
Howard Brown:number two up in Silicon Valley where my career was just
Howard Brown:skyrocketing, but at a pace that is hard to keep up where I
Howard Brown:always say two plus two equals 200. And it doesn't. So we had
Howard Brown:our second miracle, frozen sperm. 11 years later, our
Howard Brown:miracle girl Emily was born a healthy baby girl in August of
Howard Brown:2001. And thank God for Dr. Eric Rubin and talking to me about
Howard Brown:fertility, even know we didn't know if I was going to live or
Howard Brown:die. And that sperm we'd be frosted after 11 years and it
Howard Brown:gave us a beautiful daughter. And just such a blessing. It's
Howard Brown:truly truly amazing. So that twin sister, CJ Brown, J
Howard Brown:Ingress, calls me and says I'm moving to Michigan and my wife
Howard Brown:Lisa's from Michigan, and we got the band back together. This is
Howard Brown:in 2005. And we raised our families here. And CJ and Dave
Howard Brown:have three kids. They're six and twins girl boy twins at four
Howard Brown:years old, and Emily was a little older that like four and
Howard Brown:a half. And then Lisa, Sister Beth, and Larry Kirschner, they
Howard Brown:had two boys four and six. Zach and Benny and my in laws were
Howard Brown:here, and we started to rebuild our lives here in Michigan, and
Howard Brown:things are going great. And unfortunately, in 2016, I was
Howard Brown:diagnosed with stage three colon cancer after a colonoscopy. So
Howard Brown:the screening age is now 45. And it's very important that you get
Howard Brown:screened because colorectal cancer can be prevented, but all
Howard Brown:cancers so mammography, prostate, go get your cardio
Howard Brown:check, go to the dentist, we didn't do that during COVID. And
Howard Brown:so go make your appointment, go get screened, and tell your
Howard Brown:friends to go get screened. And you don't want to go through
Howard Brown:chemotherapy and surgeries and clinical trials and side effects
Howard Brown:and the emotional financial family distress that it causes.
Howard Brown:It just stops you in your tracks and go get go get screened.
Howard Brown:That's the best advice I can give you and I am actually a
Howard Brown:cancer screen week ambassador, December 4 through the eighth.
Howard Brown:So if you have any symptoms whatsoever, push your doctors to
Howard Brown:go get screened. Typically with colorectal cancer, it's blood in
Howard Brown:the stool. It can be constipation, it can be
Howard Brown:diarrhoea, it can be cramping and it can get confusing because
Howard Brown:there's lots of digestive things that can be going on irritable
Howard Brown:bowel, irritable bowel syndrome and things like that. So I
Howard Brown:promise me, you will go make your appointment and go get
Howard Brown:screened. So I'm in chemotherapies, again, lightning
Howard Brown:struck again. And it's not working, I'm failing chemos I
Howard Brown:get peripheral neuropathy from the toxicity. Surgeries aren't
Howard Brown:working, clinical trials aren't working. And then I become
Howard Brown:metastatic stage four, that means that the cancer spread
Howard Brown:from outside my colon to my liver. My stomach lining is
Howard Brown:called the peritoneum and omentum, and then also to my
Howard Brown:bowel. And then why the, you don't want to Dr. Google that 4%
Howard Brown:chance of living, you know, six months. So you're walking in
Howard Brown:darkness. And what I ended up doing is on my bad days crawled
Howard Brown:into a ball. But on my good days, I tried to push forward.
Howard Brown:And my friend, and now publisher and editor, and still like my
Howard Brown:big brother, David Crum, approached me to leave a legacy
Howard Brown:book. And at first I said, No, I'm not a great writer. But I am
Howard Brown:a good speaker. And we recorded over a three year period of time
Howard Brown:158 interviews of the most important people in my life, the
Howard Brown:most influential people in my life. How cool is that got to
Howard Brown:walk back my entire life, from my grandmother coming from
Howard Brown:Lithuania with nothing, who taught us all about choosing
Howard Brown:kindness, choosing giving and choosing healing. And that's
Howard Brown:what defines a good life. My grandfather that fought in World
Howard Brown:War Two, and just talked about the love of family and hard
Howard Brown:work. And my dad, the original boot salesman, you know, who
Howard Brown:just worked three jobs to support twin kids. So the book
Howard Brown:has so many lessons about how to lead a resilient life with hope.
Howard Brown:This is not a cancer book, there are three cancer chapters. This
Howard Brown:is a book that gives you the opportunity to make the
Howard Brown:appropriate changes in your life to improve, and you do that, by
Howard Brown:sharing your light, even when you're down in the darkness, you
Howard Brown:still have the ability to lift someone else up. And if we do
Howard Brown:that, we become a force multiplier for good and positive
Howard Brown:change. So if you haven't gotten my book yet, are given it as a
Howard Brown:gift. Email me, if you, if you email me, or come to shining
Howard Brown:brightly.com, I'll send you a digital copy. But you have to
Howard Brown:promise me to write a review. Or if you want to support me on
Howard Brown:Amazon, that's great, too. Amazon's are our partner, they
Howard Brown:get a cut for the hard copy and the paperback and the Kindle.
Howard Brown:And I'd love that. But I also have books on hand and I can
Howard Brown:actually mail you a signed copy with a book plate. And I'll mail
Howard Brown:that to you. So just hit me up on shining brightly.com. All
Howard Brown:righty, well, I'm going to share my screen right now for those
Howard Brown:that are watching the video version that I'll actually put
Howard Brown:on YouTube. And I want to be able to share with you. Okay,
Howard Brown:I'm sharing the screen now. Let me see where that is. Let's
Howard Brown:shrink that.
Howard Brown:There we go. There it is. I'm going to introduce you to
Howard Brown:alrighty, network in here, but bear with me. I'm gonna get it.
Howard Brown:All right. Okay. there and again, bear with me. Coming up.
Howard Brown:There we go. All righty. There it is. All right. So for those
Howard Brown:of you that are just listening, I am holding up a screen. And
Howard Brown:the screen actually has the word hope. Because Hope is the fuel
Howard Brown:that gets you through. Now, gratitude and kindness and
Howard Brown:determination and resilience. You need all that too. Okay. But
Howard Brown:hope is the fuel. Hope is that fuel to see a brighter day. Now,
Howard Brown:what you're seeing on the screen, and which I'll describe
Howard Brown:to you, for those who are listening is an animation of a
Howard Brown:chemo port, it looks like a little Martian, or actually a
Howard Brown:little spaceship. And this is where the needle goes in order
Howard Brown:to insert the chemotherapy fluids. Sometimes it's actually
Howard Brown:protein TPN if you actually need to be fed through it, and it's
Howard Brown:just so much more convenient to a patient because you don't have
Howard Brown:to use their veins and we get stuck a lot. Actually, this is
Howard Brown:where they put the contrast in when you do your scans for your
Howard Brown:CAT scans and your PET scans or MRIs. So very impressed. ortant
Howard Brown:little buddy. So I've got him right here. This is the port,
Howard Brown:and you probably can't see it on the screen, but I'm holding it
Howard Brown:and it's got a little tail on it. And that little tail goes to
Howard Brown:your vena cava that goes right into the blood line into your
Howard Brown:heart. And God that's chemotherapy gets in your
Howard Brown:bloodstream, it's supposed to do its thing, and knock out the
Howard Brown:malignancy, solid tumour or the blood cancer. And unfortunately,
Howard Brown:it's poisoned, but it's supposed to the poison that's supposed to
Howard Brown:help you shrink or get rid of, or regress tumours, or the blood
Howard Brown:cancer, which is actually, you know, the white blood cells, the
Howard Brown:red blood cells and your platelets from the bone marrow.
Howard Brown:And so, what you're seeing on screen, and I'll put this
Howard Brown:picture up on social media, when the show is launched, and
Howard Brown:actually is, the middle picture is actually the chemo port
Howard Brown:underneath my left clavicle. And that was installed in July of
Howard Brown:2016, after I was diagnosed after my hemicolectomy, which is
Howard Brown:a chemo a surgery where they resect about 13 and a half
Howard Brown:inches of my colon plus margins plus lymph nodes. And the port
Howard Brown:was put in prior to me starting chemotherapy, first week of
Howard Brown:August in 2016. Now rolling the clock forward, the chemo port is
Howard Brown:out came out on Monday, the 21st. And it was a simple day
Howard Brown:surgery, almost like a colonoscopy, where they got 1520
Howard Brown:minutes of really good sleep. And while I was out, and I'm
Howard Brown:healing, and I feel good, and I asked to keep the port, probably
Howard Brown:a strange request. And I want this because this means a lot to
Howard Brown:me, because many people with a port, the reason that you would
Howard Brown:get it out is that it is either twisted, it is clouded, or it's
Howard Brown:not working, and either needs to be replaced or pulled out. So
Howard Brown:the symbolism of this port coming out after seven years and
Howard Brown:one month inside of me is huge. This it means that I am stepping
Howard Brown:a giant step into survivorship. Moving actually cancer, never
Howard Brown:completely out of sight or mind but in the rearview mirror, and
Howard Brown:moving towards health. So on September 20, I will be four
Howard Brown:years no evidence of disease, it's an amazing accomplishment.
Howard Brown:And I hope cancer will never return. It hopefully will not.
Howard Brown:But the chemo port is now out. So I got to go back when they do
Howard Brown:my surveillance in December, and my scans back to using veins.
Howard Brown:But that's okay. Now, the other thing is, is that in the stage
Howard Brown:four cancer world, and in the colorectal cancer world that I
Howard Brown:care about and volunteer and I care about all cancers. Most of
Howard Brown:the time, in the stage four world we live with a lot of
Howard Brown:death. And in the blood cancer and the solid tumours, it's not
Howard Brown:that people want to give up. It's that God is calling them,
Howard Brown:it's their time. And the disease burden has just gotten too
Howard Brown:great. So I look in the mirror every single day, and I say how
Howard Brown:blessed, lucky and grateful and I say of prayer for those that
Howard Brown:are in treatment. And for those that have lost their battle, and
Howard Brown:are in heaven. And that's intentional. That's how I start
Howard Brown:my day, every single day. As I twice in my life should have
Howard Brown:been could have been dead but I'm still here. And I'm here for
Howard Brown:a purpose. I'm here purpose to lift up myself and lift up
Howard Brown:others make this world a better place. So this little little guy
Howard Brown:here didn't give it a name. But this port saw a lot felt a lot.
Howard Brown:So what did you see? Well, I'm going to tell you that the port
Howard Brown:was the recipient of all that chemotherapy
Howard Brown:and it was there to help me now cancer is very complex to excel
Howard Brown:puzzle. Unfortunately, I failed the first line of chemo for
Howard Brown:colorectal cancer called Full Fox five fu I took home a pump
Howard Brown:and after scanning after 12 very toxic cycles looks like Platon
Howard Brown:and other drugs. My tumour actually popped out in my colon.
Howard Brown:So I had another colon resection 10.1 inches of colon plus margin
Howard Brown:plus lymph nodes. And I did a clinical trial and it didn't
Howard Brown:work. And then it spread and I went metastatic bye But I found
Howard Brown:different from 34 years ago, or 33 years ago with lymphoma in
Howard Brown:the analogue days of no cell phones, no internet, very little
Howard Brown:computer use. I had online support. So I reached out my
Howard Brown:wife reached out as a care partner. Lisa needed support to
Howard Brown:caregiving, there's 3.5 million unpaid caregivers, whether
Howard Brown:you're taking care of your elderly parents, or a friend or
Howard Brown:a spouse, or a child. Unbelievably, that's angels
Howard Brown:work, God's work. You give up everything to help those in
Howard Brown:need. And I called out to for those in need. Well,
Howard Brown:I actually found my Hail Mary miracle. In Collin town, I
Howard Brown:learned about a process and a surgery called cytoreduction,
Howard Brown:hyper intrapreneurial, chemotherapy, they caught me
Howard Brown:from my chest down to my pelvic bone. This was in March of 18.
Howard Brown:And they took out all the cancer they could see. Can't see
Howard Brown:everything can't see the microscopic cancer cells, and
Howard Brown:they pour hot chemotherapy inside of you. Close you up,
Howard Brown:they spin you around like rotisserie chicken 13 and a half
Howard Brown:hours for me 10 days in the hospital, felt like a ghost had
Howard Brown:to rebuild and pick myself up those first seven weeks are
Howard Brown:brutal. And it gets better. But it wasn't for like a year and a
Howard Brown:half that they could actually tell me that I was no evidence
Howard Brown:of disease. There's so much cutting and so much scar tissue
Howard Brown:hotspots. But so far, so far. That's what's gotten me to no
Howard Brown:evidence of disease at this time. And I am grateful. But it
Howard Brown:wasn't easy. In fact, it was brutal. And there was a lot of
Howard Brown:darkness. But I use my light, to pick myself up, get out of bed
Howard Brown:and put things back together again. And part of that healing,
Howard Brown:was actually publishing the book. And now talking about it
Howard Brown:on stages on podcasts out of vets to tell my story, that even
Howard Brown:in the worst of times, you can get back up again. You can do
Howard Brown:it, it can be done. I'm not Superman. I'm just a man. And
Howard Brown:now I'm telling my story to help others. Now, this little chemo
Howard Brown:port, it saw the chemotherapy. But you know what it also saw,
Howard Brown:it saw the goodness in this world. It saw the goodness of
Howard Brown:infusion nurses trying to make you comfortable while they're
Howard Brown:pumping these drugs that are supposed to be helping you that
Howard Brown:have all sorts of side effects. And sometimes they don't work
Howard Brown:many times they don't work. The doctors, the physician's
Howard Brown:assistants, the poblado, the nurses that take your blood and
Howard Brown:your vitals, the staff at the front desk, the nurses and the
Howard Brown:doctors who just coming out of COVID. Burnout for them is real.
Howard Brown:I'm so worried about our health care system, these trained
Howard Brown:professionals working night and day, taking risks, even for
Howard Brown:themselves in their own family. And now they want to leave the
Howard Brown:profession. But I'm grateful for them. Because they showed me
Howard Brown:care and love. And for all of those that said prayers, sent
Howard Brown:memes and jokes and books checked in is beautiful. The
Howard Brown:soccer team that Emily was playing on bring by meals and
Howard Brown:food, the school donating supplies. Go find me set up for
Howard Brown:my high school and college friends to actually help us
Howard Brown:relieve some of the financial burden and it was massive. This
Howard Brown:chemo port saw a lot. It felt a lot. And then I did something
Howard Brown:that no doctor would typically recommend. I had to go to my
Howard Brown:happy place the basketball court. Well, that basketball
Howard Brown:court is with a stress free zone. But playing basketball
Howard Brown:that's a physical sport with a chemo port and it's dangerous,
Howard Brown:probably stupid. But I did it. I did it coming off the
Howard Brown:chemotherapy coming off the surgeries. But what I did was I
Howard Brown:would protect myself and put my right hand over my port if I
Howard Brown:actually had contact coming. Because if that chemo port would
Howard Brown:have been dislodged or ripped out, I probably would have bled
Howard Brown:out. But it didn't. But the doctors, doctors been just
Howard Brown:shaking his head. What are you thinking? What are you doing?
Howard Brown:But I did it. And that was part of my healing as well. And so
Howard Brown:people think that you know They see me posting online and that
Howard Brown:everything's okay HB is back HB strong? Well, I have to tell
Howard Brown:you, I speak for cancer patients everywhere that in visible
Howard Brown:disabilities exist. So people don't see the chemo brain which
Howard Brown:is actually a form of PTSD. The emotional toll that a cancer
Howard Brown:diagnosis and treatment take on a person. It's a lot to bear.
Howard Brown:We're on the front lines. You try to be a Marine on a mission.
Howard Brown:You can't be a Marine on the mission all the time. But that's
Howard Brown:what you have to be. You're trying to forge forward and just
Howard Brown:get out of bed some days.
Howard Brown:neuropathy, the toxicity of the chemotherapy, the burning the
Howard Brown:numbness in your fingers and hands. Now, luckily, colinton
Howard Brown:came up with a protocol for icing with ice caps and mittens
Howard Brown:and booties that actually helps that tremendously.
Howard Brown:Unfortunately, that was not around when I started in 2016.
Howard Brown:Going to the bathroom a lot being constipated, being
Howard Brown:bloated, having blockages. There's a lot of emotional and
Howard Brown:physical, invisible disability that people go with every day.
Howard Brown:It is not seen. You look great. Everyone's got their stuff. But
Howard Brown:I need to point out that you never know. That's why leading
Howard Brown:with kindness, sharing a cup of coffee, wishing someone well
Howard Brown:being a shoulder to cry on. Telling them a joke. Letting
Howard Brown:them cut in line. Not having road rage. We're all human.
Howard Brown:Everyone, everyone falls off the the waggon at times. But you can
Howard Brown:choose kindness. You can choose giving you can choose lifting
Howard Brown:people up. So be intentional. Be authentic on being vulnerable
Howard Brown:right here and right now. And I'll close with this. The last
Howard Brown:chapter in my book is called sharing hope. Sharing hope, as I
Howard Brown:said is that fuel so for my cancer whispers who actually
Howard Brown:have mentored me for my business mentors, and for my friends and
Howard Brown:my family that have done so much for me. And Lisa and Emily I
Howard Brown:thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because
Howard Brown:you're seeing and gave me the ability to live one more day.
Howard Brown:One more week or more month, make memories, rebuild Humpty
Howard Brown:Dumpty.
Howard Brown:Have faith and mental toughness and myself. Build up my health
Howard Brown:and fitness. Maintain and accelerate the amazing
Howard Brown:relationships, repair the broken ones and try to rebuild my
Howard Brown:career and my finances. Being on disability for seven years has
Howard Brown:been tough. It's time to move on from that.
Howard Brown:That's another big step I'm working on taking. So hope hope
Howard Brown:is that I had friends run triathlons and marathons for me.
Howard Brown:I had Dr. Ella Diddy, bring me back a shofar from Marrakech
Howard Brown:just to provide me and I look at it every day, and I'm grateful
Howard Brown:for that the shofar is a ram's horn. It's that calling a
Howard Brown:calling every single day to shine brightly. And if we do
Howard Brown:that, for ourselves, for others and for our communities, I
Howard Brown:guarantee you the world would be a better place. Come interact
Howard Brown:with me online on the social channels of LinkedIn, Facebook,
Howard Brown:Instagram, come to my website shining brightly.com I love you.
Howard Brown:I appreciate the support. Go on with strength and thank you