Aug. 30, 2023

SURVIVORSHIP – A Big Step Forward

SURVIVORSHIP – A Big Step Forward

Episode Summary – CONVERSATION WITH MY CHEMOTHERAPY MEDI-PORT that has lived inside of me for over 7 years. This may be the first time anyone has decided to publish a show talking to their power-port. In Episode 42 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show (links in the comments) – titled “SURVIVORSHIP – A Big Step Forward” I offer a solo broadcast where I get deep, vulnerable and share how I got to this point on Monday August 21, 2023 where my chemo port was surgically removed and what that means and feels like. Come listen, watch and share this HUGE MOMENT with me as we are all a work in process in life, business, family and in health! See how HUMPTY-DUMPTY version 3.0 continues to build and lead a resilient life with hope to help lift up myself and others to become a force multiplier for good and positive change in this world. Remember to Shine Brightly each day for yourself, others and your communities and I promise the world will be a better place!

Mentioned Resources

Website - https://www.shiningbrightly.com/

Amazon - Hardcover, Paperback and

Kindle eBook  https://tinyurl.com/BuyShiningBrightly

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/howardsbrown/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36

Instagram - @howard.brown.36

Podcast

- https://shining-brightly.captivate.fm/

About the Host:

Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.


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Transcript
Howard Brown:

Hello, it's Howard Brown, Mr. shining brightly.

Howard Brown:

This is episode 42. And you get me solo, I have a really

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important thing to talk about today. And it's deeply personal.

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So I just wanted to share what's happening. And this is exciting

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news, but also a lot of thought love deep introspection. So I'm

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not sure if this has ever been done before. But the show's

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called one big step forward. And it's all about survivorship. And

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we all get knocked down in life, and in business and in family

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and health. And as many of you know, I got knocked down twice

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from stage four cancer diagnosis. So without burying

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the lede, we're going to have a conversation with my

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chemotherapy, medi port. So some of you may not what not know

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what that is. So I'm going to show you, but it's, I don't know

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if this has ever been done before, um, I have a

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conversation with my port because it lived inside of me

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for seven years. And it saw a lot, it felt a lot. And I want

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to see if it has anything to say. So let me give you a

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background are here. So unfortunately, twice in my life,

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I've got those words called you have cancer, which we all talk

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about. We have cancer, because it wasn't just me. It was my

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caregiving parents, my wife, my daughter, my extended family, my

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huge global network of friends. When you get that news, and I

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got that news in 1989, for stage for T cell, non Hodgkins

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lymphoma, and nothing was working, but thank God to have a

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twin sister that was an exact match. And she saved my life

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through a bone marrow transplant and may 24 of 1990 and I had to

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put Humpty Dumpty back together again. I moved out to

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California. And I, my career got back on track, I had to build up

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my mental toughness, my physical fitness, my finances, all at age

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25. And, but I got married, I did a lot of community service,

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including becoming a big brother to E and Alice. And then miracle

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number two up in Silicon Valley where my career was just

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skyrocketing, but at a pace that is hard to keep up where I

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always say two plus two equals 200. And it doesn't. So we had

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our second miracle, frozen sperm. 11 years later, our

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miracle girl Emily was born a healthy baby girl in August of

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2001. And thank God for Dr. Eric Rubin and talking to me about

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fertility, even know we didn't know if I was going to live or

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die. And that sperm we'd be frosted after 11 years and it

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gave us a beautiful daughter. And just such a blessing. It's

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truly truly amazing. So that twin sister, CJ Brown, J

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Ingress, calls me and says I'm moving to Michigan and my wife

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Lisa's from Michigan, and we got the band back together. This is

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in 2005. And we raised our families here. And CJ and Dave

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have three kids. They're six and twins girl boy twins at four

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years old, and Emily was a little older that like four and

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a half. And then Lisa, Sister Beth, and Larry Kirschner, they

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had two boys four and six. Zach and Benny and my in laws were

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here, and we started to rebuild our lives here in Michigan, and

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things are going great. And unfortunately, in 2016, I was

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diagnosed with stage three colon cancer after a colonoscopy. So

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the screening age is now 45. And it's very important that you get

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screened because colorectal cancer can be prevented, but all

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cancers so mammography, prostate, go get your cardio

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check, go to the dentist, we didn't do that during COVID. And

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so go make your appointment, go get screened, and tell your

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friends to go get screened. And you don't want to go through

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chemotherapy and surgeries and clinical trials and side effects

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and the emotional financial family distress that it causes.

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It just stops you in your tracks and go get go get screened.

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That's the best advice I can give you and I am actually a

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cancer screen week ambassador, December 4 through the eighth.

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So if you have any symptoms whatsoever, push your doctors to

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go get screened. Typically with colorectal cancer, it's blood in

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the stool. It can be constipation, it can be

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diarrhoea, it can be cramping and it can get confusing because

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there's lots of digestive things that can be going on irritable

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bowel, irritable bowel syndrome and things like that. So I

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promise me, you will go make your appointment and go get

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screened. So I'm in chemotherapies, again, lightning

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struck again. And it's not working, I'm failing chemos I

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get peripheral neuropathy from the toxicity. Surgeries aren't

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working, clinical trials aren't working. And then I become

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metastatic stage four, that means that the cancer spread

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from outside my colon to my liver. My stomach lining is

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called the peritoneum and omentum, and then also to my

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bowel. And then why the, you don't want to Dr. Google that 4%

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chance of living, you know, six months. So you're walking in

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darkness. And what I ended up doing is on my bad days crawled

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into a ball. But on my good days, I tried to push forward.

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And my friend, and now publisher and editor, and still like my

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big brother, David Crum, approached me to leave a legacy

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book. And at first I said, No, I'm not a great writer. But I am

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a good speaker. And we recorded over a three year period of time

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158 interviews of the most important people in my life, the

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most influential people in my life. How cool is that got to

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walk back my entire life, from my grandmother coming from

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Lithuania with nothing, who taught us all about choosing

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kindness, choosing giving and choosing healing. And that's

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what defines a good life. My grandfather that fought in World

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War Two, and just talked about the love of family and hard

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work. And my dad, the original boot salesman, you know, who

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just worked three jobs to support twin kids. So the book

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has so many lessons about how to lead a resilient life with hope.

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This is not a cancer book, there are three cancer chapters. This

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is a book that gives you the opportunity to make the

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appropriate changes in your life to improve, and you do that, by

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sharing your light, even when you're down in the darkness, you

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still have the ability to lift someone else up. And if we do

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that, we become a force multiplier for good and positive

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change. So if you haven't gotten my book yet, are given it as a

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gift. Email me, if you, if you email me, or come to shining

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brightly.com, I'll send you a digital copy. But you have to

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promise me to write a review. Or if you want to support me on

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Amazon, that's great, too. Amazon's are our partner, they

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get a cut for the hard copy and the paperback and the Kindle.

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And I'd love that. But I also have books on hand and I can

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actually mail you a signed copy with a book plate. And I'll mail

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that to you. So just hit me up on shining brightly.com. All

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righty, well, I'm going to share my screen right now for those

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that are watching the video version that I'll actually put

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on YouTube. And I want to be able to share with you. Okay,

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I'm sharing the screen now. Let me see where that is. Let's

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shrink that.

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There we go. There it is. I'm going to introduce you to

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alrighty, network in here, but bear with me. I'm gonna get it.

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All right. Okay. there and again, bear with me. Coming up.

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There we go. All righty. There it is. All right. So for those

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of you that are just listening, I am holding up a screen. And

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the screen actually has the word hope. Because Hope is the fuel

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that gets you through. Now, gratitude and kindness and

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determination and resilience. You need all that too. Okay. But

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hope is the fuel. Hope is that fuel to see a brighter day. Now,

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what you're seeing on the screen, and which I'll describe

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to you, for those who are listening is an animation of a

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chemo port, it looks like a little Martian, or actually a

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little spaceship. And this is where the needle goes in order

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to insert the chemotherapy fluids. Sometimes it's actually

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protein TPN if you actually need to be fed through it, and it's

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just so much more convenient to a patient because you don't have

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to use their veins and we get stuck a lot. Actually, this is

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where they put the contrast in when you do your scans for your

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CAT scans and your PET scans or MRIs. So very impressed. ortant

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little buddy. So I've got him right here. This is the port,

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and you probably can't see it on the screen, but I'm holding it

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and it's got a little tail on it. And that little tail goes to

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your vena cava that goes right into the blood line into your

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heart. And God that's chemotherapy gets in your

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bloodstream, it's supposed to do its thing, and knock out the

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malignancy, solid tumour or the blood cancer. And unfortunately,

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it's poisoned, but it's supposed to the poison that's supposed to

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help you shrink or get rid of, or regress tumours, or the blood

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cancer, which is actually, you know, the white blood cells, the

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red blood cells and your platelets from the bone marrow.

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And so, what you're seeing on screen, and I'll put this

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picture up on social media, when the show is launched, and

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actually is, the middle picture is actually the chemo port

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underneath my left clavicle. And that was installed in July of

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2016, after I was diagnosed after my hemicolectomy, which is

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a chemo a surgery where they resect about 13 and a half

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inches of my colon plus margins plus lymph nodes. And the port

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was put in prior to me starting chemotherapy, first week of

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August in 2016. Now rolling the clock forward, the chemo port is

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out came out on Monday, the 21st. And it was a simple day

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surgery, almost like a colonoscopy, where they got 1520

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minutes of really good sleep. And while I was out, and I'm

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healing, and I feel good, and I asked to keep the port, probably

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a strange request. And I want this because this means a lot to

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me, because many people with a port, the reason that you would

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get it out is that it is either twisted, it is clouded, or it's

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not working, and either needs to be replaced or pulled out. So

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the symbolism of this port coming out after seven years and

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one month inside of me is huge. This it means that I am stepping

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a giant step into survivorship. Moving actually cancer, never

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completely out of sight or mind but in the rearview mirror, and

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moving towards health. So on September 20, I will be four

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years no evidence of disease, it's an amazing accomplishment.

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And I hope cancer will never return. It hopefully will not.

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But the chemo port is now out. So I got to go back when they do

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my surveillance in December, and my scans back to using veins.

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But that's okay. Now, the other thing is, is that in the stage

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four cancer world, and in the colorectal cancer world that I

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care about and volunteer and I care about all cancers. Most of

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the time, in the stage four world we live with a lot of

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death. And in the blood cancer and the solid tumours, it's not

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that people want to give up. It's that God is calling them,

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it's their time. And the disease burden has just gotten too

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great. So I look in the mirror every single day, and I say how

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blessed, lucky and grateful and I say of prayer for those that

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are in treatment. And for those that have lost their battle, and

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are in heaven. And that's intentional. That's how I start

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my day, every single day. As I twice in my life should have

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been could have been dead but I'm still here. And I'm here for

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a purpose. I'm here purpose to lift up myself and lift up

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others make this world a better place. So this little little guy

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here didn't give it a name. But this port saw a lot felt a lot.

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So what did you see? Well, I'm going to tell you that the port

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was the recipient of all that chemotherapy

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and it was there to help me now cancer is very complex to excel

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puzzle. Unfortunately, I failed the first line of chemo for

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colorectal cancer called Full Fox five fu I took home a pump

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and after scanning after 12 very toxic cycles looks like Platon

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and other drugs. My tumour actually popped out in my colon.

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So I had another colon resection 10.1 inches of colon plus margin

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plus lymph nodes. And I did a clinical trial and it didn't

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work. And then it spread and I went metastatic bye But I found

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different from 34 years ago, or 33 years ago with lymphoma in

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the analogue days of no cell phones, no internet, very little

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computer use. I had online support. So I reached out my

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wife reached out as a care partner. Lisa needed support to

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caregiving, there's 3.5 million unpaid caregivers, whether

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you're taking care of your elderly parents, or a friend or

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a spouse, or a child. Unbelievably, that's angels

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work, God's work. You give up everything to help those in

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need. And I called out to for those in need. Well,

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I actually found my Hail Mary miracle. In Collin town, I

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learned about a process and a surgery called cytoreduction,

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hyper intrapreneurial, chemotherapy, they caught me

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from my chest down to my pelvic bone. This was in March of 18.

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And they took out all the cancer they could see. Can't see

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everything can't see the microscopic cancer cells, and

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they pour hot chemotherapy inside of you. Close you up,

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they spin you around like rotisserie chicken 13 and a half

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hours for me 10 days in the hospital, felt like a ghost had

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to rebuild and pick myself up those first seven weeks are

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brutal. And it gets better. But it wasn't for like a year and a

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half that they could actually tell me that I was no evidence

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of disease. There's so much cutting and so much scar tissue

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hotspots. But so far, so far. That's what's gotten me to no

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evidence of disease at this time. And I am grateful. But it

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wasn't easy. In fact, it was brutal. And there was a lot of

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darkness. But I use my light, to pick myself up, get out of bed

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and put things back together again. And part of that healing,

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was actually publishing the book. And now talking about it

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on stages on podcasts out of vets to tell my story, that even

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in the worst of times, you can get back up again. You can do

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it, it can be done. I'm not Superman. I'm just a man. And

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now I'm telling my story to help others. Now, this little chemo

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port, it saw the chemotherapy. But you know what it also saw,

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it saw the goodness in this world. It saw the goodness of

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infusion nurses trying to make you comfortable while they're

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pumping these drugs that are supposed to be helping you that

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have all sorts of side effects. And sometimes they don't work

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many times they don't work. The doctors, the physician's

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assistants, the poblado, the nurses that take your blood and

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your vitals, the staff at the front desk, the nurses and the

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doctors who just coming out of COVID. Burnout for them is real.

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I'm so worried about our health care system, these trained

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professionals working night and day, taking risks, even for

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themselves in their own family. And now they want to leave the

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profession. But I'm grateful for them. Because they showed me

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care and love. And for all of those that said prayers, sent

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memes and jokes and books checked in is beautiful. The

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soccer team that Emily was playing on bring by meals and

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food, the school donating supplies. Go find me set up for

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my high school and college friends to actually help us

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relieve some of the financial burden and it was massive. This

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chemo port saw a lot. It felt a lot. And then I did something

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that no doctor would typically recommend. I had to go to my

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happy place the basketball court. Well, that basketball

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court is with a stress free zone. But playing basketball

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that's a physical sport with a chemo port and it's dangerous,

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probably stupid. But I did it. I did it coming off the

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chemotherapy coming off the surgeries. But what I did was I

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would protect myself and put my right hand over my port if I

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actually had contact coming. Because if that chemo port would

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have been dislodged or ripped out, I probably would have bled

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out. But it didn't. But the doctors, doctors been just

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shaking his head. What are you thinking? What are you doing?

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But I did it. And that was part of my healing as well. And so

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people think that you know They see me posting online and that

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everything's okay HB is back HB strong? Well, I have to tell

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you, I speak for cancer patients everywhere that in visible

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disabilities exist. So people don't see the chemo brain which

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is actually a form of PTSD. The emotional toll that a cancer

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diagnosis and treatment take on a person. It's a lot to bear.

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We're on the front lines. You try to be a Marine on a mission.

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You can't be a Marine on the mission all the time. But that's

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what you have to be. You're trying to forge forward and just

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get out of bed some days.

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neuropathy, the toxicity of the chemotherapy, the burning the

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numbness in your fingers and hands. Now, luckily, colinton

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came up with a protocol for icing with ice caps and mittens

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and booties that actually helps that tremendously.

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Unfortunately, that was not around when I started in 2016.

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Going to the bathroom a lot being constipated, being

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bloated, having blockages. There's a lot of emotional and

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physical, invisible disability that people go with every day.

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It is not seen. You look great. Everyone's got their stuff. But

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I need to point out that you never know. That's why leading

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with kindness, sharing a cup of coffee, wishing someone well

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being a shoulder to cry on. Telling them a joke. Letting

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them cut in line. Not having road rage. We're all human.

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Everyone, everyone falls off the the waggon at times. But you can

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choose kindness. You can choose giving you can choose lifting

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people up. So be intentional. Be authentic on being vulnerable

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right here and right now. And I'll close with this. The last

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chapter in my book is called sharing hope. Sharing hope, as I

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said is that fuel so for my cancer whispers who actually

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have mentored me for my business mentors, and for my friends and

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my family that have done so much for me. And Lisa and Emily I

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thank you. I thank you from the bottom of my heart because

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you're seeing and gave me the ability to live one more day.

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One more week or more month, make memories, rebuild Humpty

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Dumpty.

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Have faith and mental toughness and myself. Build up my health

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and fitness. Maintain and accelerate the amazing

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relationships, repair the broken ones and try to rebuild my

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career and my finances. Being on disability for seven years has

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been tough. It's time to move on from that.

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That's another big step I'm working on taking. So hope hope

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is that I had friends run triathlons and marathons for me.

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I had Dr. Ella Diddy, bring me back a shofar from Marrakech

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just to provide me and I look at it every day, and I'm grateful

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for that the shofar is a ram's horn. It's that calling a

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calling every single day to shine brightly. And if we do

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that, for ourselves, for others and for our communities, I

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guarantee you the world would be a better place. Come interact

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with me online on the social channels of LinkedIn, Facebook,

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Instagram, come to my website shining brightly.com I love you.

Howard Brown:

I appreciate the support. Go on with strength and thank you