CAREGIVERS ARE ANGELS ON THIS EARTH! In Episode 44 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show: “How to Win When Life is Overwhelming”. I am joined by the amazing thought leader, mom, speaker, author facilitator, caregiver and so much more - Heidi Rome. We get into the details of caregiving for her ill mom and then autistic son Ethan. The gift of Ethan’s few words changed her narrative and let to a best-selling book – “You Just Have to Love Me” and Founder of the Mom’s Spectrum Oasis (an Autism Support Community). We discuss her journey, personal growth and the ability to make small but powerful “Win/When” choices even as we face daunting change and challenges. Come listen, download, share and review this amazing show!
Mentioned Resources
Website - www.heidirome.com
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/heidi-rome-8b60a110/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/heidi.o.rome
Book – “You Just Have To love Me” –https: //tinyurl.com/YouJustHaveToLoveMe
Email - heidi@msonj.com
Workshops for orgs and corporations - “How to Win When Life is Overwhelming”
About the guest – Heidi Rome is a thought leader, mom, speaker, author, staff facilitator, mentor, encourager, perspective-shifter, and creator. Founder of Moms Spectrum Oasis, she is also an advocate for the severe autism community. Drawing from a lifetime of experience juggling the demands of caregiving with personal growth and self-actualization, Heidi now gently guides us all to shift out of suffering and overwhelm, and to make small-but-powerful, loving “Win/When” choices even as we humans face daunting change and challenges.
About the Host:
Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.
Website
Http://www.shiningbrightly.com
Social Media
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36
LinkedIn - https://wwwlinkedin.com/in/howardsbrown
Instagram - @howard.brown.36
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#life #winning #autism #community #spectrum #facilitator #caregiving #books #author #bestseller #coaching #healthcare credibility #motivation #education #inspiration #podcast #download #share #shiningbrightly
Hello, it's Howard Brown. It's the shining brightly
Howard Brown:show. I have an amazing guest today, and a very important
Howard Brown:topic. Oh my goodness, we are going to meet a mom with an
Howard Brown:autistic son that is an absolute hero, and a good friend. Shout
Howard Brown:out to the followers Lauren and Jeff, and Karen to, we met over
Howard Brown:the networking group called Zula, which is an amazing group
Howard Brown:of heartfelt people that just actually give a shit. So they're
Howard Brown:great peeps. So Heidi, welcome. Thank you so much, Howard. Great
Howard Brown:to be here. I'm so glad that we've been connected. This is
Howard Brown:great stuff, I want to you know, normally I actually have people
Howard Brown:sometimes describe themselves, but I'm going to read your short
Howard Brown:bio. And then I'm going to have you fill in the blanks after for
Howard Brown:me and tell us maybe something that we don't know about you as
Howard Brown:well. But Heidi Rome is a thought leader, a mom, most
Howard Brown:importantly, a speaker, an author, Best Selling Author, oh,
Howard Brown:by the way, staff facilitator, mentor, encourage her respective
Howard Brown:shifter, I liked that one and a creator, you are the founder of
Howard Brown:moms of spectrum oasis. And you're an advocate for severe
Howard Brown:autism community, and you actually run a community. So
Howard Brown:we're going to talk about that. So John, from a lifetime of
Howard Brown:experience of juggling the demands of being a caregiver,
Howard Brown:you've learned some personal growth and some self
Howard Brown:actualization. It now gently guides us all to shift out of
Howard Brown:suffering and being overwhelmed to make a small but powerful
Howard Brown:loving, when when choices, even when we humans are faced with
Howard Brown:daunting challenges. And change. When when we're going to talk
Howard Brown:about that, too. So what a beautiful bio, fill in the
Howard Brown:blanks, what did I miss and tell us something you know, people
Howard Brown:may not know about you as well.
Heidi Rome:I think you've you've covered the the big
Heidi Rome:pieces of my life, something I don't put in there. But because
Heidi Rome:it didn't seem to fit, although maybe it does is I love crafts
Heidi Rome:fairs. So wherever I go, if I'm in a new city, I will search for
Heidi Rome:you know where the artisans go, because I just love beautiful
Heidi Rome:things. So that's something about me, that's not in the bio.
Howard Brown:That's all right, that's a cool, happy place.
Howard Brown:Everyone has to go to their stress free zone and their place
Howard Brown:that brings them enlightenment, or enjoyment, or whatever it is,
Howard Brown:and minds of the basketball court. So slightly different,
Howard Brown:but you got to go to that place and go there often as well. So I
Howard Brown:want to tell you this is, you know, a really important issue.
Howard Brown:I'm prepared to take some notes and learn a little bit here. But
Howard Brown:you know, you're known as a planner. And you've always been
Howard Brown:carefully planning out the next steps of your life. And you
Howard Brown:know, even without a crystal ball, it's hard to predict. I
Howard Brown:can't tell you this having a two time stage four, I never
Howard Brown:expected to get cancer at 24. I never expected to get it again
Howard Brown:at age 50. So life throws you some curveballs for sure. And
Howard Brown:it's always hard to predict, you know, what is coming next in
Howard Brown:your life, and you had a curveball thrown at you. So
Howard Brown:let's start there. And let's start with you know, that part
Howard Brown:of your life before the curveball came?
Heidi Rome:Yeah, well, life kind of gave me a curveball
Heidi Rome:early on. I grew up with a sick mom. And so life was a lot of
Heidi Rome:life was focused on helping care for her. And so I learned I call
Heidi Rome:myself a recovering control freak. But I don't think you
Heidi Rome:ever fully let go of that. Because there were so many
Heidi Rome:things growing up. And then beyond that were out of my
Heidi Rome:control, that I think a defence mechanism for myself was, well
Heidi Rome:what can I control and by gum, I'm going to control it. And
Heidi Rome:that's why planning did become very important for me, trying to
Heidi Rome:anticipate every possible scenario and then prepare for
Heidi Rome:it. So that I wouldn't be surprised and I would be able to
Heidi Rome:accomplish whatever that goal might be.
Howard Brown:Yeah, so you were caregiving for your mom?
Heidi Rome:Yeah. Yeah. So yeah, she almost died when I was four.
Heidi Rome:And that became a pivotal event that, ironically put me on the
Heidi Rome:caregiver path. But as I talk about prologue is preparation.
Heidi Rome:And I certainly didn't know it or appreciated back then. But I
Heidi Rome:have come to see that so many of the lessons that I learned back
Heidi Rome:then, especially with regard to how to balance the the demands
Heidi Rome:of caregiving with my own path and my own life. That was really
Heidi Rome:that became an important thing to realise that even back then
Heidi Rome:there were choices that I could make In still needing to be in
Heidi Rome:service to someone else.
Howard Brown:I want to tell you that you strike such an
Howard Brown:important point. There's a statistic that there's over 3.5
Howard Brown:million unpaid caregivers just in the United States alone. So
Howard Brown:whether you're taking care of elderly parents, younger
Howard Brown:parents, taking care of a child taking care of a spouse, taking
Howard Brown:care of a sick Auntie or cousin, or for other reasons, right, it
Howard Brown:could be addiction. It could be trafficking, it could be
Howard Brown:there's, there's lots of malaise out there. And I call that
Howard Brown:darkness in my book shining brightly. Caregivers are angels
Howard Brown:on this earth because they sacrifice some of their own well
Howard Brown:being the stress, they take over, you know, some of that
Howard Brown:planning and support at a cost to them. That is tough. Because
Howard Brown:my parents, I moved back home, my mom and dad at age 24, right,
Howard Brown:and they stopped their lives. Basically, as my wife was
Howard Brown:stopped to walk alongside of me in front of me behind me, as we
Howard Brown:talked about in the greenroom. And then at age 50, my wife
Howard Brown:Elisa stepped up and took over right, you know, not that I was
Howard Brown:out of the picture. But I was focused on either having bad
Howard Brown:days or some good days, but I was trying to live, and you
Howard Brown:know, what, keeping track of stuff, paying bills, raising the
Howard Brown:daughter, you know, grocery shopping, none of that stuff
Howard Brown:actually mattered because I was there trying to actually battle
Howard Brown:on the front lines. So I totally the I call them the angels in my
Howard Brown:book, The angels on earth. I also love my my medical team, my
Howard Brown:doctors and nurses. And now we're facing nurse burnout and
Howard Brown:Doctor burnout, and it's going to affect our healthcare system.
Howard Brown:But caregiving is a selfless, beautiful thing. And it's the
Howard Brown:toughest is being a mom, it's a tough job. So I want to tell you
Howard Brown:that you're appreciated. You are an angel, and you're a hero, for
Howard Brown:sure. But take me back now. I think what I do recall is that
Howard Brown:in your 40s, you added marriage and baby so you did this a
Howard Brown:little bit on the later side. Yes,
Heidi Rome:yeah, yeah, I was a late bloomer. In large part
Heidi Rome:because I was so consumed with caring for my mom, my my life,
Heidi Rome:my own life, dating life, friend life was put on hold. And so it
Heidi Rome:was really only after she passed away when I was 30, that I could
Heidi Rome:put the, you know, shift my eyes and say, Well, okay, what about
Heidi Rome:me? What about my life? Well, what do I want, and really have
Heidi Rome:to get clear on on my goals. And personally, I, I've known I was
Heidi Rome:one of those kids. When I was five years old, I knew I wanted
Heidi Rome:to be a mom one day, however it would happen, I wanted it to be,
Heidi Rome:you know, my own child, but whatever, I would go to the ends
Heidi Rome:of the earth to get a child. And as I like to say, you know, I
Heidi Rome:got in under the wire. And, and was very fortunate to meet my
Heidi Rome:husband, who was also a late bloomer, and we had to with
Heidi Rome:assistance, but we had two wonderful boys. Eric is my my
Heidi Rome:older guy, and he's in college now. And two and a half years
Heidi Rome:later was Ethan, who is who you mentioned before my my guy with
Heidi Rome:severe autism. So the blessing did come not as I had always, or
Heidi Rome:in the timeframe that I had always thought it
Howard Brown:would be. So I love that you reference with
Howard Brown:help. So you may not know but my a lot of my audience knows that.
Howard Brown:Before I did a drop of chemotherapy. My liver function
Howard Brown:tests was too high on my first chemotherapy back in October of
Howard Brown:89. And my doctor Eric Rubin, whether it was a vision from God
Howard Brown:or His, you know, good doctoring. You know, it's
Howard Brown:probably a both, he sent me to the cryogenic centre in 1989.
Howard Brown:Well, in 2000, in fall of 2000, we called for that sperm 11
Howard Brown:years later, and we did a in vitro procedure called exceed
Howard Brown:where they actually take seat Yes, exceed where they take,
Howard Brown:they take the take the best swimmers, and my Lisa had
Howard Brown:generated eight eggs, and then you harvest four of them back
Howard Brown:in, and we got our beautiful daughter, Emily. So it is such a
Howard Brown:blessing that help gave us a family and gave us a daughter
Howard Brown:now, I could have certainly we could have got surrogate, I
Howard Brown:could have got sperm donation, I could have adopted, all of those
Howard Brown:are wonderful options. But the fact is, is that mine just
Howard Brown:graduated University of Michigan and she's a TV reporter in
Howard Brown:Montana. And so what a blessing there. So, yes, I want you to
Howard Brown:know, the birth of Ethan now, okay, this is this is something
Howard Brown:that you know, we never know and can expect. So please tell me
Howard Brown:more about that.
Heidi Rome:Well, we saw pretty quickly after Ethan was born
Heidi Rome:that something was different. This This was not one of those
Heidi Rome:situations where there's something called regressive
Heidi Rome:autism where the child develops normally and then at a certain
Heidi Rome:point in development, you know, h2 or thereabouts. As the child
Heidi Rome:loses skills and and regresses Ethan, from the beginning, was
Heidi Rome:missing milestones he was not doing. He was not developing
Heidi Rome:along the typical timeline. So he wasn't making eye contact, he
Heidi Rome:wasn't developing, you know, according to the printed
Heidi Rome:guidelines, and it was when he was seven months old and not
Heidi Rome:sitting up unsupported that the paediatrician suggested that he
Heidi Rome:get physical therapy. And then that journey led us to, to
Heidi Rome:notice all the missing milestones and eventually to the
Heidi Rome:autism diagnosis.
Howard Brown:And being a planner, you are that that
Howard Brown:wasn't expected.
Heidi Rome:I have autism, and I'll tell you how I was mad. I
Heidi Rome:was mad at God, I, you know, because, you know, all those
Heidi Rome:years taking care of my mom, I, I had to deal with God. Where I
Heidi Rome:thought, okay, you know, this is what's been handed to me, but my
Heidi Rome:turn will come, I'll do the best I can right now. And when it's
Heidi Rome:my time, I and I, you know, made up the script in my mind that
Heidi Rome:when it's my turn, you know, it will be the knight in shining
Heidi Rome:armour and the and the fairy tale, and I'll meet the
Heidi Rome:wonderful guy and have my fairy tale family. It'll be my turn.
Heidi Rome:And then we had Eric, and he is a joy and blessing in every way.
Heidi Rome:And we had no reason not to expect more of us give him a
Heidi Rome:sibling. And we had Ethan and autism, I mean, and it was
Heidi Rome:obvious autism and flapping autism and strange sounds
Heidi Rome:autism. And I was like, wait a minute, this was not the deal. I
Heidi Rome:was really angry. And I went into denial and anger. I
Heidi Rome:remember when the neurology the developmental paediatrician
Heidi Rome:neurologist gave us the diagnosis actually finally used
Heidi Rome:the word autism because they avoided in the beginning. And I
Heidi Rome:remember looking at her and thinking, not very nice words,
Heidi Rome:and thinking, I didn't say it, but really thinking strongly.
Heidi Rome:What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? Did you? Are you
Heidi Rome:having a bad day? My kid doesn't have that. I mean, I really went
Heidi Rome:into denial and anger. When I when I heard that, but you know,
Heidi Rome:when I was hit with that word,
Howard Brown:sure. I was two when I got diagnosed with stage
Howard Brown:four, you know, T cell Lymphoma, Hodgkin's lymphoma. I was like a
Howard Brown:deer in the headlights, and then I went into denial, then I went
Howard Brown:into anger. And I think you need to allow yourself to go there.
Howard Brown:Just not stay there. And so that's that's the important part
Howard Brown:of that. Very important. Yeah, well, people do every and they
Howard Brown:stay there for a long time that leads to depression. That leads
Howard Brown:to other malaise, too much drinking drugs, it can lead to
Howard Brown:abuse, it can lead to lots of things. So again, that's a
Howard Brown:discipline that's a mental and physical toughness thing. But
Howard Brown:this is interesting now because you regard your son's birth now.
Howard Brown:Okay, after going through, rightly so many emotions, and
Howard Brown:questioning your own rebirth can can you talk about how you kind
Howard Brown:of feel that was a rebirth for you?
Heidi Rome:Well, When ethan was born? I mean, certainly. And
Heidi Rome:before there was autism, I really felt blessed. And that
Heidi Rome:was my, my truth metre, the the inner metre within each of us
Heidi Rome:that recognises truth and the truth of of the miracle of his
Heidi Rome:birth and who this human being was, was I felt very blessed and
Heidi Rome:happy that at the ripe old age that I was to have my own child,
Heidi Rome:you know, that here he was. The Rebirth on the journey, though
Heidi Rome:with autism was really having to reinvent myself and write a new
Heidi Rome:script and create a new identity. And that's really the
Heidi Rome:rebirth was the decision of who am I going to be in the face of
Heidi Rome:a hard challenge to to choose the eternal choice of Every
Heidi Rome:decision between love and fear, and hero or victim, and these
Heidi Rome:are the philosophical choices, the emotional choices, the
Heidi Rome:practical choices every day that is rooted in Who do I want to be
Heidi Rome:in this life.
Howard Brown:But you also had a thriving son and a husband. And
Howard Brown:you needed to balance that, because I imagined taking care
Howard Brown:of Ethan is a team sport. For sure. So go into kind of how you
Howard Brown:had to change and the decision you made, and you saying that
Howard Brown:the gifts of Ethan's words added to your narrative, please,
Howard Brown:please share with that that's I find that provocative.
Heidi Rome:Yes, well, Ethan has severe autism. So this was quite
Heidi Rome:the journey. I had a full career when he was born, and healthcare
Heidi Rome:marketing and then philanthropy. And I was working 18 hour days
Heidi Rome:and on once he was born, and we were on this autism journey and
Heidi Rome:realising this is not going away. One thing led to another
Heidi Rome:and that place of employment said, you know, you're, you're
Heidi Rome:really consumed with other things beyond this jaw, they
Heidi Rome:didn't really say that, but that was the full communication. And
Heidi Rome:I was let go, which made me very angry at the time. And I did
Heidi Rome:come to say absolutely as a blessing, because it let me put
Heidi Rome:that time and attention on Ethan and trying to get him you know,
Heidi Rome:all that he needed. So that, that put me on that path. And,
Heidi Rome:in short, to summarise, I spent so many years though, thinking
Heidi Rome:it was my job as to be a good mother, which in my mind was to
Heidi Rome:cure his autism was to fix this, make it go away, make him Okay,
Heidi Rome:make my family Okay, again, that autism was the enemy to be
Heidi Rome:eradicated, killed, annihilated all the violent words to get
Heidi Rome:this thing out of our lives, so that we could pick up where we
Heidi Rome:left off, and re enter the planet as normal people. And I
Heidi Rome:thought that was my job, and spent years dragging Ethan to
Heidi Rome:every kind of therapist. And one day, at his, we tried many
Heidi Rome:things, different educational approaches, and at his second
Heidi Rome:school, we were doing typing, supported typing, where he was
Heidi Rome:beginning for the first time at age nine to be able to
Heidi Rome:communicate. And I was describing to the teacher, all
Heidi Rome:the therapies I was dragging Ethan to, and he leaned over to
Heidi Rome:the letter board, wanting clearly to type and we laugh,
Heidi Rome:because he was never in a hurry to get to work. And I said, Oh,
Heidi Rome:Ethan, you know, you have something you want to tell us in
Heidi Rome:the midst of my litany of all the things we were doing. And he
Heidi Rome:typed, I'm tired. And I realised that this was I was making this
Heidi Rome:about me, not him. And then ultimately, so that put me back
Heidi Rome:on the into the realisation. Be careful of my perspective. And
Heidi Rome:we talked a bit about, you know, when someone is ill, they,
Heidi Rome:especially at once child, there's really a desire to step
Heidi Rome:in and, you know, take care of everything. And we forget that,
Heidi Rome:well, actually, it's their life. And what's their experience?
Heidi Rome:What do they need? It's not about me, and am I being a good
Heidi Rome:mother based on some random thing, I think. And that was
Heidi Rome:that was really important, and then eventually, fast forward.
Heidi Rome:Ethan was very dysregulated. And he wasn't safe. We weren't safe.
Heidi Rome:He was putting his head through the walls of the house. It was
Heidi Rome:very, very difficult and upsetting. And we made the very
Heidi Rome:difficult decision that I had been resisting for years,
Heidi Rome:because I thought I was failing and abandoning him. But when I
Heidi Rome:finally said, Well, what does he need? What's in his best
Heidi Rome:interest? We made the choice for him to go to a residential
Heidi Rome:school for kids with severe autism so that he could get that
Heidi Rome:24/7 support that he needed. And he's doing amazing there but
Heidi Rome:before he left he you know, he height to me, you know, I said,
Heidi Rome:you know, are you okay? You know, how do you feel about
Heidi Rome:going and he was fine about going I was the one who was a
Heidi Rome:mess. He typed, you know, my journey takes me there and I'm
Heidi Rome:making big changes and I feel brave, don't be sad for me, are,
Heidi Rome:are quitters of failure or taking a different path to
Heidi Rome:success. This was he was 11. I mean, this was the kind of thing
Heidi Rome:this kid was typing, even though he can't speak. And then
Heidi Rome:eventually, the words that changed my life, were an amazing
Heidi Rome:conversation and which, and it's in my book, you just have to
Heidi Rome:love me. But in this conversation, Ethan spoke about
Heidi Rome:his experience of his own autism as a spiritual journey. And
Heidi Rome:knowing God and feeling purpose here and choosing us as as his
Heidi Rome:family and choosing to have challenges. And I said, Why, why
Heidi Rome:did you choose to have challenges, I will be greatly
Heidi Rome:rewarded in eternity. And then ultimately, the thing that
Heidi Rome:really, to answer your question, finally, that changed my life. I
Heidi Rome:said, Well, what can we do to help you on this journey? And he
Heidi Rome:responded through the typing, you just have to love me. And
Heidi Rome:that is your job, the rest is my job to do. So that was such an
Heidi Rome:awakening Howard, I had spent all these years trying to fix
Heidi Rome:him. And he wasn't broken. Wow, he was on a different path. And
Heidi Rome:I just needed the mom needed to learn, let go the control freak
Heidi Rome:thing, stay in my lane. He's not broken, be his guide, be his
Heidi Rome:companion. You know, to love does not mean live his life. For
Heidi Rome:him. It means to nurture and guide and protect and educate
Heidi Rome:and take care of and love. But it doesn't mean take over and
Heidi Rome:live his life for him. And that realisation changed everything
Heidi Rome:for me.
Howard Brown:I want to tell you that deeply powerful, deep
Howard Brown:transformation. And just amazing that he was able to you know, at
Howard Brown:least you communicate that to you with the typing a little
Howard Brown:bit. Now, current day now if he's still in that residential
Howard Brown:school.
Heidi Rome:Yes, yes, he's 17. And he can he can stay there
Heidi Rome:until he's 22. So, and I'm already starting the process,
Heidi Rome:though, since he will need to leave there, at some point,
Heidi Rome:looking for a place just like it but for severely autistic
Heidi Rome:adults, so that's in to be found or to be created, but one way or
Heidi Rome:the other, he will have what he needs.
Howard Brown:And you go see him because he's not able to talk on
Howard Brown:the phone or you can actually have to FaceTime with him right?
Howard Brown:Or as well,
Heidi Rome:we do we do we actually Skype with him. Every
Heidi Rome:week he has an aide, you know, support him with it. Verbally he
Heidi Rome:doesn't have much language. So on on FaceTime, we we talk about
Heidi Rome:the next time we're going to visit him and we're going to eat
Heidi Rome:and he's going to get a hamburger.
Howard Brown:Okay, but he sees you. And yes, yeah. And he knows
Howard Brown:you guys. Oh, that's yes. We're just amazing story. Thank you
Howard Brown:for sharing. I'm taking it all in, it's very important that,
Howard Brown:you know, you really talked about your transition and your
Howard Brown:changes that you needed to make. Not that you were doing it right
Howard Brown:or wrong, there's no right or wrong. But that that actual
Howard Brown:realisation, that realisation it's really powerful that you
Howard Brown:were able to do that. And so wow, I'm just telling you, it's
Howard Brown:really incredible that you get it you should be applauded,
Howard Brown:because I will tell you that when I was younger, you know,
Howard Brown:coming through cancer the first time I went through fairly
Howard Brown:quickly. Okay, getting diagnosed in October of 89. And first
Howard Brown:coming out in August of 89 and getting off treatment, you know,
Howard Brown:January of basically 1990 I ended up I'm sorry, 91. I ended
Howard Brown:up moving to California and rebuilding my life again. And
Howard Brown:putting Humpty Dumpty back together again is my say version
Howard Brown:one Oh, and I did I got confidence I got I was 135
Howard Brown:pounds of bald I played lots of basketball. My career started to
Howard Brown:take shape. I met my wife Lisa was doing a lot of volunteerism
Howard Brown:in the Jewish community raising funds becoming a big brother,
Howard Brown:and things started to click Right. And then, you know, my
Howard Brown:miracle daughter was born in Silicon Valley. And now back
Howard Brown:here in Michigan. Unfortunately, at age 50, I had no expected
Howard Brown:foundation that lightning was going to strike twice. And I
Howard Brown:would get, you know, a colorectal cancer stage three
Howard Brown:diagnosis and these last seven years to go from cancer to
Howard Brown:COVID. And then try to build Humpty Dumpty version two all
Howard Brown:over again. And so the path isn't always linear. And also
Howard Brown:you have to play the cards that you're dealt. And that's that's
Howard Brown:the that's that's just what happens in life, no matter how
Howard Brown:much you talk to God, you know, you've got your, your your
Howard Brown:vibration, your course that you're following and need to.
Howard Brown:And it's, it's amazing, you have so much to offer, personally,
Howard Brown:but also with other folks with autism. But I see how it now
Howard Brown:relates to changing your perspective and picking yourself
Howard Brown:up and potentially going in a slightly different direction
Howard Brown:that makes better or more sense for you.
Heidi Rome:Well, thank you for that. And your, you know, I
Heidi Rome:imagine that dealing with a heart truth, there are many
Heidi Rome:parallels between your story and mine, of course, and one of the
Heidi Rome:most important pieces is learning to trust yourself. You
Heidi Rome:know, we're both challenges, whether cancer, autism, divorce,
Heidi Rome:any anything that life throws at people, we tend to look at
Heidi Rome:outside authorities for answers, someone out there is smarter
Heidi Rome:than I am and will know the right thing to do in my
Heidi Rome:situation. And people will have information for you. And that is
Heidi Rome:true. And it's good to gather information. But ultimately,
Heidi Rome:only you can make the choice that's right for you. And to
Heidi Rome:trust that to really know that is really crucial that we were
Heidi Rome:born with this ability, this equipment. But the powers that
Heidi Rome:be well meaning people's school system, ancestors, parents, the
Heidi Rome:world around us, we get messages saying, Yeah, that's nice, but
Heidi Rome:listen to others. And ultimately, the real truth of
Heidi Rome:what's best for us as an individual can only come from
Heidi Rome:our own heart. And when we remember that we're much
Heidi Rome:happier, and we start making better decisions.
Howard Brown:I, I agree with you, and you are in charge of
Howard Brown:yourself. And self care does equal self love. And I will tell
Howard Brown:you that one of my biggest lessons, it's in chapter one of
Howard Brown:my book is that my buddy Bertha Buddha's who came to this
Howard Brown:country from Lithuania, Poland, could be Ukraine, she drilled
Howard Brown:into us and again, a couple of things, and she said, you can
Howard Brown:choose kindness, every single day, you can choose giving and
Howard Brown:giving to others, and you can choose healing yourself and
Howard Brown:others every day, those three things she said, if you do all
Howard Brown:three, those three things every day, that's a pretty good day.
Howard Brown:And she's right. And so one of the things that I found in my
Howard Brown:darkness of the to cancer diagnosis and other smaller
Howard Brown:darknesses you know, call it you know, with jobs or frustrations
Howard Brown:or other things is that you take the spotlight off yourself for a
Howard Brown:second and go help someone else. And you've been doing that your
Howard Brown:whole life with your mom and with your, your husband, your
Howard Brown:your son and also Ethan. And if you take the spotlight off
Howard Brown:yourself, it does actually allow you to shine your light on
Howard Brown:somebody else and have them to offer it, but it does come back
Howard Brown:to yourself. And you have to be able to make those decisions
Howard Brown:moving forward. But I think living a good life is actually
Howard Brown:what you can actually give and you have so many things to give.
Howard Brown:And I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna we're going to talk about
Howard Brown:some of those resources in a second. So, this is the part of
Howard Brown:the show that we do the shining brightly spotlight. So it is
Howard Brown:shining so brightly on you, Heidi, you know the sun is
Howard Brown:coming from my screen to your screen and you are shining so
Howard Brown:brightly. I want you to tell my audience how they can one get in
Howard Brown:touch with you some of the resources that you have to offer
Howard Brown:for not just you know, folks dealing with autism but in life
Howard Brown:and then then end with some some some some wisdom and some
Howard Brown:inspiration and kick the show back over to meet a close.
Heidi Rome:Okay, well, the easiest way to reach out to me
Heidi Rome:is go to my website, which is Heidi rom.com. It has contact
Heidi Rome:information there to email me reach out as you like and
Heidi Rome:there's a meditation on there which you know, people tell me
Heidi Rome:is very soothing. So, I, you know, I invite people to reach
Heidi Rome:out whoever would like to, and I do have a group. Take a breath
Heidi Rome:and breathe on on Facebook is the easy, easiest place to go to
Heidi Rome:access that and we meet every month for a programme called 25
Heidi Rome:minutes for me To refill our own cup, because as you've just
Heidi Rome:described, Howard, you know, we have to, we can't give what we
Heidi Rome:don't have. And we have to fill our own cup, and be kind and
Heidi Rome:loving and giving and generous to ourselves first, so that we
Heidi Rome:can then be in a position to help and be of service to those
Heidi Rome:we love and those around us. And actually, I don't know if you
Heidi Rome:know this, but the human heart sends blood to itself first.
Heidi Rome:Before pumping blood to the rest of the body, even we are
Heidi Rome:designed, we are physically designed to put our own oxygen
Heidi Rome:mask on first to feed ourselves first, so that we can be all
Heidi Rome:that we were divinely meant to be, which includes then to be of
Heidi Rome:service to those, everyone around us, whether it's our
Heidi Rome:family, friends, community, the planet.
Howard Brown:And please add your book title and your best
Howard Brown:selling author. So you have a great book that people should
Howard Brown:know about.
Heidi Rome:Thank you so much. Yes, my book is on Amazon, Heidi
Heidi Rome:Rome. And the author is the author, the title is you just
Heidi Rome:have to love me mothering instructions from my autistic
Heidi Rome:child. And the mothering instructions, let me just say,
Heidi Rome:it's guidance for anyone facing hard things. You know, it's
Heidi Rome:through the journey of autism. And yet, because it's such a
Heidi Rome:hard challenge, you can fill in the blank, whatever hard thing
Heidi Rome:that you're grappling with, I hope that you'll find ease and
Heidi Rome:guidance and peace you know, from from hearing my story and
Heidi Rome:they encourage you in your story.
Howard Brown:It thank you for sharing your light. It's as I
Howard Brown:said, you as a caregiver, for your mom and for your your son
Howard Brown:and also your your your your older son and your husband, you
Howard Brown:are an angel on this earth. It's just amazing what you've been
Howard Brown:able to do and now to actually offer these opportunities to
Howard Brown:help others it's beautiful. This is the shining brightly podcast
Howard Brown:show. I'm Howard Brown, you can reach me at shining brightly.com
Howard Brown:And you'll find my speaking you'll find the information
Howard Brown:about the book, the podcast, which is what you're listening
Howard Brown:to right now and my advocacy. And so I just think that you
Howard Brown:know come in interact with me and come listen to this show it
Howard Brown:you are a gem This is such a great episode people are gonna
Howard Brown:learn and and really, really take this to heart and hopefully
Howard Brown:they'll reach out to you and connect with you as well. So
Howard Brown:thank you for being here.
Heidi Rome:Thank you so much, Howard.