CLIMBING THE MOUNTAIN With Emily Brown

Hello. It's Howard Brown. Welcome to the Shining

Brightly Show. This is a very special episode. I finally got

my daughter Emily Brown to come on and do a podcast episode with

me. So Emily Brown, all the way from Missoula, Montana. How are

you this evening?

Good. How are you?

I'm doing great just because I'm seeing you.

Yeah, we see each other. So I'm excited. I mean, instead of

watching you on the newscast at kpax, and I now get to talk to

you live. So I'm very excited about that. First, I'd like you

to tell my my audience a little bit about you know who you are.

I'm your daughter.

Well, introduce yourself, right? Of course,

you're my miracle. You're my miracle girl, daughter.

That's true. If you read his book, that's me. But I

don't know I I'm gonna go out of order. But he said, How do I

shine brightly each day? And I think I just try my best. I

think I try my best to be a good person and to support other

people. That's kind of what I get to do at work. I'm a

reporter. I'm a journalist. I am a multimedia journalist. So I I

like being creative. I use a camera, I shoot video, I

interview people, and I just try to tell stories. I really like

focusing on stories where somebody might not have a chance

to use their voice otherwise. That means a lot to me. Going

into some of the smaller communities that we have here,

we have a really large viewing area, so there's always a small

story that's really cool, and I think I don't know, I'm just

outdoorsy. You know that for a fact,

climb mountains, you actually, you actually

skateboard, I think you're also snowboard, you ice climb. I

mean, you do a lot of stuff outdoors. Do

a lot of stuff. I downplay it, but yeah, I I love

being outside. I have found a love for Glacier National Park

living up here in Montana, and I got to spend a birthday climbing

a peak in Glacier this past two years ago, and then this past

summer, spent quite a bit of time with my partner. We got to

backpack up there a few times. So that was really great. Seeing

all the different areas of the park that I haven't seen. I

love the photos that you share the nature out

there. I have to tell you, when I drove Emily out there for

internships, she took me hiking on the West Gate of Yellowstone,

and I this just rancid smell came about, and so I walked by

Moose carcass only the first and last time in my life I

will walk. That's the first and last time I'd like

to walk by a moose carcass, but, but it had

pink little signs about the grizzly. Got to eat

first, I

first, and you got lucky. Hold the bear spray

Yeah, for about a minute. So I really appreciate

that. The second thing is, is that we spent a lot of time in

your youth playing soccer, and you are a national championship

goalie, and for eight to 18, we were in a Holiday Inn Express

and playing soccer, and you were practicing four to six times a

week, and soccer was our life until you took retirement. So it

was a big thrill for me, especially when I was going

through cancer number two, with colon cancer, and I was a team

manager, we had a lot

I know

it was wild, because we were at the National

Championships in Texas, sitting next to you in the front seat,

and another teammate of mine was in the back, and you went to the

hospital the day prior Because you weren't feeling well. I

remember going home taking a nap, like, oh, everything's

going to be okay. The next day is our day off. We're ready

right before our semi final game. We're playing somebody we

knew from another Michigan team. But I just remember we were

driving on the interstate in Texas, and you get a call, and

it's your doctor, and he tells you that, unfortunately, your

cancer is back again after it, you know, kind of went, went

quiet it down for a bit over that summer. And he said, it's,

it's going and it's not a it's not a good look for you. There's

a few things we can do. But you didn't tell me that, but I knew,

but you told me. You said, No, I'm okay, because you wanted to

tell me after the national championship, and we

wanted you to focus, and you did five oh, and

but I right, I went metastatic to my liver, my stomach, landing

my bladder, and that's just not good news. And I was being

protective. I knew you knew I'm not not good at hiding things

from you. We've always had a very open, transparent

relationship. So

lot of windshield time and so the wiper blades and

talk about anything, yeah, but

I don't think you ever let me run the playlist.

Ever?

No, I wouldn't.

You introduced me to EDM music, so I get it so.

The other thing that I was so proud because it wasn't a

guarantee to see you graduate high school. You were 15 when I

got first diagnosed with colon cancer. I got to see you

graduate high school, and then I got to see you graduate go blue

University of Michigan. Some of the most proudest moments for me

and mom. It was just truly amazing. And then our roadie to

Missoula was awesome. We got Fargo and all that. The Jeep

broke down, but I got you there, and then you had to drive me at

three in the morning, because the train station for Amtrak is

only four hours away from Missoula, off past whitefish

Things are hard to get to. We drove from Michigan.

We drove 27 hours over two days, and we are getting into just

about Livingston, which is on the west edge of Yellowstone,

and that town is windy. The wind gusts were coming through. I

remember seeing tumbleweeds, and I was where am I? What am I

doing? We pulled into this gas station, that we pull out, and

the Jeep starts shaking. It can't drive over five miles an

hour. All the lights on the dashboard blew up. And we're

like, oh, something's wrong here. And so we dropped,

remember, we dropped the car and we

we got to a Jeep before rental, yeah, but we had

to get a hotel room, which most of them were sold out. But we

got to you checked in to Missoula that next, and then you

had to go back and get the fix cheap, but you had to drive me

up to pass whitefish to get the train and all that. But I found

it to be quite beautiful, and to Missoula to be a really charming

town, and you've really adopted it. Tell me I wanted to switch

to the reporting thing because I watched you and the capex app.

I'm pretty proud of you about this. Is it? Micah? Micah

matters. Micah. Micah matters. I thought what you did for that

family to bring a voice to them and to eventually, you know how

to tell people a quick, quick shout out about that and how it

ended up. Well,

it was the 30th or 31st, of March of 2023 and a

woman who was my age, she was 22 at the time. She's an indigenous

woman. She's black, Cree. She's Cree, she's Denae, she's

Klamath. Her name is Micah. She was walking home. And there's a

pretty notorious area for fatal crashes in the town of Arlie.

There's a big bend, there's a straight away people rush. She

was walking down this straightaway, and a woman who

was apparently taking her children from their custodial

father was high on fentanyl and meth, and she hit this girl and

killed her and didn't stop it took quite a while for this to

get to where it is now, where we can say that she did this. She

admitted guilt to it, basically, almost two years later. So her

mom, in the meantime, the girl, you know, I don't know if I

would be able to do what this girl's mom did, the one who was

hit and killed, she had so much pain. Like, if I lost my kid, or

if you lost me like that's that I can't even imagine the

feeling, but she turned it into a grassroots movement for

change. There's a huge epidemic of missing and murdered

indigenous people in Montana, in the in the country, and even

beyond that. And so to walk from their hometown in our league

over four days to the courthouse that was very powerful for me to

attend and film and interview, because every person had either

been injured themselves, had been kidnapped themselves, had a

relative die, had their parent or their sibling, somebody close

to them, die, and it was very eye opening to just An epidemic

in the country. So to be a part of that is definitely powerful.

For me, sitting in a courtroom is not my favorite thing. I like

to be out and doing things, but it was a very memorable

experience for me, watching someone admit guilt, start

crying about, you know, she's going away from her family now,

but she committed a crime, and she's crying and she's owning up

to this. And then I turn and I see the mom of the girl who

passed hugging her dad with a picture of the girl, and it's

just I'm sitting in the middle of this vantage point, and it's

very eye opening to see just these stories and see these

things play out.

I wanted to say that it's a proud moment that

you took to that advocacy, because you were the reporter

that broke it and and they got signatures and and coverage. And

I actually have to tell you that, you know, I thought that

deserved an Emmy, although I want to congratulate. You

publicly on getting an Emmy for the, you know, environmental

factors that affected Flathead Lake and Jill Valley and the

whole news team. But my daughter, at age 23 has an Emmy.

Okay, I have an Emmy from Avid, but it's a team Emmy for a

broadcast, digital news. I

didn't win it. I didn't win a singular Emmy. It's

a team. I know

that, but you have a name on it. My name just as

avid technology. So I'm very proud of you for your efforts. I

love watching you every night because you are so far away, but

it's almost like a nightly hug, and I just I appreciate that so

much so. Well, here, one of the things that I normally would do

is turn over the question ing, but you are a reporter, and you

are going to actually now take over the show, which I never

give control to show up, but I'm going to give it over to you,

and let's have at it. Chop it up, baby.

I think I'm a storyteller, but I think asking

questions is more pertinent in this time, because, I mean, you

heard about me, there's not let's hear about you, because

there's a lot going on. And for you to to we talk about climbing

the mountain again, right? What does it feel like to you to

like, I don't know when you called me before and you told

me, hey, it's actually leukemia. I was walking into a federal

courtroom to sit and take notes on a case. So I was like, oh,

okay, I love you. I'm so sorry. Bye. How did you feel when you

got told that you will have to climb this again?

So first of all, Emily, thank you for

referencing, you know, the storytelling of Shining Brightly

bought on Amazon or, you know at a bookstore near you. Thank you

for that. That was a labor of love during the pandemic, and

you have a chapter in it called Miracle Girl, where you talked

about helping others that teenage suicide and other

issues, because you do defer that Limelight to yourself. So

I'm proud of you. All right, so let's give some context here.

Right at age 23 I'm diagnosed with stage four non Hodgkin's

lymphoma, and I'm told that I have six months to live, and I

fail chemotherapies and all the treatments, and thank God that

my mom, your buddy, Nancy, okay, had twins, right? And so my twin

sister gave me her bone marrow, which saved my life, and I got

my life back. I got to put Humpty, Dumpty back together

again, and I got to move out to California, and I met your mom,

Lisa Brown, my wife, and I got to meet uncle Ian and be his big

brother. And I put my life together back emotionally,

physically, financially, with my career and in relationships,

because I was isolated. Most people don't realize this. When

you are immune compromised and suppressed at a critical level,

you can't get a cold, you don't want to get any type of fungus

or any type of virus or bacteria, because your body

cannot fight it off. You'll have to go to the hospital and try to

avoid sepsis. So as I was rebuilding myself, I grew a deep

appreciation, you know, for being in tune where my body was.

And I always been a hard charger. But I just want to get

back to that. I was still young and out in California, and then

you came along as miracle girl, okay, frozen sperm after 20,

after 11 years, okay? And I it's just incredible gift that before

I did chemotherapy, that I went to the, you know, cryogenic

center, and 11 years later we called for it, and we get this

beautiful miracle baby girl named Emily Lauren brown. It

was, it's just the most incredible thing that mom and I

did is have you and then moving back to Michigan to reunite the

family, to get another diagnosis, a stage three colon

cancer diagnosis at age 50, because I should have been

screened probably earlier to find an eight and a half

centimeter tumor. I mean, you were there that day that we had

to tell you, you came home from school, and we had to tell you

that I had stage three cancer, and it was not my fault. It

wasn't headed, you know, hereditary. It was because of

all the chemotherapy and radiation and and treatments and

side effects that I had for cancer. One, I had 26 years, and

so I had to put on my instead of being a deer in the headlights

and analog days of dad, I was a husband, I it was a different

time, and all I could think about was, will I see you

graduate high school? And that was just a few short years

later. That's all I wanted to do, was to graduate high school,

and then I went metastatic at the national championships, and

it looked pretty bleak. The second time in my life I've been

given six months to live, and all mom and I ever tried to do

is to show you that we live by values, we live by kindness and

gratitude and we live by healing and joy and not to choose hate

and to be open minded. And yes, you just exceeded our

expectations. You really become a tremendous woman, reporter

everything you put your mind to you. You just make us proud, I

know, but I appreciate it well. That's okay. So and then, so

then I end up having, you know, getting to more chemotherapy.

But then you had to see me, okay, get this amazing surgery

where they cut me open, from pelvis down, you know, to up the

chest, the zipper, cut and cut out all the cancer alive and

dead, and then poor, hot chemotherapy in me. And you had

to see me real, rehabilitate myself. I came home as 135

pounds. I'm bald and a ghost, and it took me a good year and a

half thanks to my good friends like Alan Baxter, my who

buddies, self, emotionally, physically, okay. Fixed, okay. I

had to go with disability, okay, because I wasn't able to work at

that time, and I reinvented myself as an author, podcaster

and international speaker, and I just tell my stories so that I

can actually help lift up others. And that's the whole

shining brightly movement. Is the movement of kindness. It's a

movement of resilience. And I was very proud. And now, in my

third time of need, people are telling me that you know how I

help them, and now they're helping us and helping me come

back. So to answer your question, in a long story, to

get a diagnosis of leukemia was shocking. I'm not happy about

it, this existence of living with chemotherapy again and

blood transfusions and feeling just zapped, tired all the time,

and having to face, you know, another stem cell transplant,

that's daunting. I'm up for the challenge. But I mean, how much

can one guy take the third one? Uh, injured cancer. So, you

know, when I had that bone marrow baptism, I was told that

I had, you know, acute my leukemia and my, you know,

Auntie Cheryl, my twin sister Cheryl, her bone marrow stopped

working. It had nothing to do with anything but the fact that

it lasted 35 years. It was a blessing. It's like a Guinness

Book of World Records, and it stopped working. And when it

stopped working, the bone marrow kicks out these rogue cells that

become cancerous, and they're white cells. And I ran into see

Dr zechman, the oncologist, and he said, How are you even

walking in here? Your white counts, your red counts, and

your platelets are dangerously low. But I mean, I played

basketball is before, hiked five miles a day before, and then

worked out. And now I'm in a position where I'm isolated

again, like I was when I was 23 but we live in the digital age,

so now I'm getting, oh my god, 1000s upon 1000s of prayer,

healing, prayer, Virtual hugs, getting people to consider

donating platelets, because and blood where they are, because we

always need that. We need still down in Florida for the

hurricane. And then now I'm asking people to swab their

cheeks so I can find a bone marrow match so that can save my

life. And this is serious stuff that is all bloody blood vessel

my left eye, I can see fine, but I'm dealing with all these crazy

consequences and but I'm getting support. I'm feeling prayer, I'm

feeling love. I'm at a higher vibration for love and kindness,

but at the same time, I don't plan on dying, but it's a

distinct possibility I could and but if God is going to call me

and call my name up. I'm prepared for that, but I got a

lot more living to do. As you used to say, Get busy living,

right? I got to get busy living. So that's kind of where I'm at

right now, and this is I'm thrilled, because you're coming

in to visit, and it's just, you know, something that I actually

have to go through again a third time, and it's hard, it's hard,

it's really hard. I sometimes get to these crazy thoughts when

I'm sleeping, and, you know, physically, I'm walking up two

flights of stairs without DcJ the other day, and I was out of

breath, and people are hitting the GoFundMe, and they're doing

good things, they're being kind, and they're, they're they're

doing the things that I'm requesting. So I've had an

answer. What can I do for you? And I have six things for people

to do. So you want to hit the GoFundMe, you want to send

prayers and hugs, actually pop your cheek for bone marrow,

because it may not be matched for me, but it could be a match

for someone and they want younger people. You people.

Okay, my TCJ is not a match for me now, so I'm going to go out

into the donor registry and find someone that's swabbed and is a

match for me to help save my life. And then I also say that

you should hug your family for no reason, and you should also

do an act of kindness every day, because it just makes the world

better, and that's how we shine brightly. And so I'm committed

to that goodness in the world, and I know that you see that and

and I hope you're proud of me from

that I am proud of you. It's hard, it's hard being

told those things and to deal with it. I think you said, If

God calls your name, you're ready for. It, I feel like

that's a fear that a lot of people have, and a lot of people

who are sick could have, or a lot of people worry about their

loved ones. I'm proud of you for facing it, but, yeah, I'm

worried. But how do you get to that point where you're not as

afraid, where, if it happens, it happens,

I will tell you that it's not easy to come to

that point. It's it's about being vulnerable. It's about

understanding the situation that I'm in. Okay, there's no

guarantees. There's just no guarantees. There could be this

could save my life, and I could actually then heal up and keep

moving on and keep helping others and keep shining

brightly. That's the goal I want to actually, my goal is to walk

you down the aisle in your wedding. That's where my next

big goal is. I need to make that goal, but some things may be out

of my control. If this donor match doesn't work, I could die

right away. I could get graft versus host disease, and it has

serious patients as well, and so I know that I don't want that,

but I'm experienced enough as a cancer advocate for for

screening and for treatment and for survivorship. I know what

I'm facing, and I'm mature enough to understand it. Allowed

myself to cry, I've allowed myself to be very angry, and I

have so much support that is there for me right now that is

getting me through. That is pulling me up by my boots in our

time of need, in my time of need. So there's a lot going on

here, and it's all happening quickly.

Yeah, when it happens so fast, you're just

like, you go from you said playing basketball, walking five

miles. It's the unknown that I feel like shows up, and that's

where the fear comes from. That's where the anger comes

from. That's where that's we said, climbing the mountain

again as the theme, or that's the whole thing of mountains. In

my experience, you go in and you know as much as you know, and

you try to nail down what you can and you can't, and you know

things are out of your control, and you just have to let that

be. And that's a that's a skill that you know you don't want to

develop through having three cancers, obviously, but if it's

a skill that that you can take away from and be present and

know what you can and can't control. I think that's a skill

for all of life. How do you how do you deal with things out of

your control, as in worrying? Do you feel like you sit in

anxiety? Do you feel like you worry about what might not

happen or might actually come true.

I worry about not seeing you and mom ever again.

That's my biggest worry right now. And I I have a can of beer,

can of bear spray, which is you, and I take that with me, and

that's important, because I'm not a seasoned hiker like you,

but in the cancer world, I'm very seasoned. I've been there

in analog days with no cell phones, no internet, no

computers, and in the days where I'm a dad of a young girl, and

now having to face this a third time at age 58 I'm a war

veteran, and again, I don't have all the answers. I'm not sure

how this is going to play out, but you have to prepare yourself

like going to war, like preparing for that major hike of

a 14 or $16,000 peak that you've done, understanding that things

can change. The weather can change, right? A bear can come

up from nowhere. You know, you don't want to run out of food or

water. You can get lost, you can get injured. All that's at

stake, and right now, my oncology team, okay, is planning

my path. They're planning the climb for me and with me. And

I've got so many people around the world that are my safety

net. I have people telling me, I can call them at two in the

morning, and we can talk about anything I want. I can cry, I

can shout, I can laugh, and I have this resource that is

abundance of energy, okay? And I think that's because what I've

been able to and I'm proud about, is sharing with the world

of helping survive survivorship with cancer and life. Okay, I

always say we all get knocked down in life and business, and

the book talks about darkness. I am walking in darkness right

now. There's no other way to put it, but I'm not staying there

too long, because the light of others is lifting me up, and

it's been my life's mission to take my light and lift up

others, and that's the shining brightly movement, and I try to

do that every day. So when I wake up in the morning, I look

in the mirror and I say, I am blessed, I am grateful, and I am

lucky, and I'm going to go find some joy and do. Of kindness

today, and I try to do that every day, and if I do that,

that's a good day, right? And I think that if I can get one

person to get screened for cancer, or one person to donate

blood or one person to swab their cheek, it may not affect

me, but it's going to affect others. So it's like you with,

you know, Micah matters. It's like you when you help the, you

know, the girls that shred. I love seeing that part of you

because you're lifting up others, and that's what we tried

to teach you, Mom and I tried to teach you. And now you execute

on that, and you execute on that with Chris, when you support him

and his mountain biking and him and his schooling and and you

and your career. So but is it easy? Hell no, hell no. It's not

easy.

There's a lot of things that I feel like can show

up on the path. As you said, there's a lot of things that are

very out of your control. There's the path is never as

straightforward, but when you worry about the path, you don't

get moving. Fear stops a lot of things before that, you can get

it started. I feel that sometimes too, but sometimes you

just gotta take the chance. I took a deaf dog home from Utah

and my car broke down.

Like, yeah, shout out to Beethoven, right?

Yes, vision impairment too. That's taught me

about patience. But see, you learn the lesson in in that

unexpected pop up? Do you feel like there's a certain lesson

that you're learning, whether it be gratitude, whether it be

allowing yourself to feel all the ways you feel? Do you feel

like there's a certain lesson that pops up so far in the past,

I guess few weeks of dealing with this third cancer.

Well, tell you, it's only been three weeks. I've

already been through a ton of chemo. I've already been through

six platelet and blood transfusions. I'm tired, I'm

tired, but what keeps me going is that in my time of need,

1000s of people are in my corner, and that gives me

comfort, even with the unknown. So Emily, when you actually get

to the top of a summit, how does that feel?

Great, but then you have to go down harder. For me,

I feel like than going

up. All right, so that analogy, since we're on the

climbing the mountain, you know, and I'm doing it now for the

third time, I have to climb the mountain through a stem cell

transplant, okay, where they knock me down with chemo and

radiation again. Hope the transplant works. Have my bag of

life, like I got from CJ, and then I gotta actually go down.

And the down is actually up, because I will be so weak, I'll

be like a ghost again after 35 years ago, that work is almost

as hard as going up. So I have to actually get myself going

again mentally, okay with self care and self love. I have to

get myself physically so I gotta get my butt back in the

basketball court, okay? Because I'm not allowed to do that.

That's my happy place, right? And that's hurtful for me right

now to not be able to play basketball two or three times a

week. I will get there. I will get there. But that's, you know,

that's, that's my love. I see you hugging Beethoven and

walking, and you've now run a road race, and Chris is mountain

biking. This is our happy place. These are our stress free zones.

So I need to gain those back. And also, I'm getting help

supported financially through a Go Fund Me. And I got to, then

eventually, I want to get a job, I want to contribute. I want to

get my life back in order. And, you know, the four ways,

emotionally, physically, financially and in relationship.

And so that takes work. And it doesn't come overnight. It takes

time. And so I'm going to have to put in the work after the

transplant. And that's what everyone has to put in, the work

in life. Okay, it's going to be really tough to recover. I'm up

for the challenge. Give me that opportunity. That's all I want.

Is that opportunity.

I think the opportunity for you to go back

and do what you love is the thing, one of the things

definitely on your mind. How does it feel like in your brain

now thinking about the day that you'll get to go back on the

basketball court?

Have you thought about that? Course, that's my

vision. When you're visioning, that's where I want to be. So

I'm hoping, and I picked a date out. It's in June of this year

that I'll be back out with the boys playing hoops, talking

trash. I may not be as fast or slow, but it's going to take me

time, but I plan on getting out on the basketball court in June

of 2025 and so I don't think about it every day right now,

because it seems so far away, but oh my goodness, that's a.

Big goal of mine, I want to get back there, and that will push

me through, and then I've got a whole bunch of, you know, 25

basketball guys that want me back there are cheerleading me

on, pushing me forward. And so you have a team okay? And you've

heard me say this before, okay, that life is a team sport.

Business is a team sport. Fighting cancer is a team sport.

I'm not doing this alone, and that gives me great comfort.

Yeah, 1000s of people all over. You got one in

Montana, you got two in Montana, and Chris, you got three.

Beethoven, I got the Tova family here. So it's, it's interesting

to see how you have a date picked out for that, because I

remember, after you were it was the cancer case in the

anniversary vacation, when you went and climbed the mountain

with me. You hiked up that peak in St Lucia, and you said, I'm

going to do this. This is going to be easy, and we're going to

have a good time. And I remember seeing your face when you got up

there. You were, like, elated. I think that's the face that

you'll have. It might be hard playing your first game of

basketball, but I think that's the face you'll have. Is just

like, eager to ear like HB strong,

that was one of my first things that I wanted to

conquer with you. So we climbed the Grow piton, okay, in St

Lucia. And it was, it was, there was some scrambling, there was

some high steps, there was and I struggled. I was not in shape,

but I struggled. But I was there was no way I was not making it

to the top. I took a couple breaks. I had a banana. I had

some some raisins. I had to go the bathroom on the off the

track, but we had the guide. Stayed with me. Did you notice

you went ahead with a couple from Chicago, and you probably

were up there 20 minutes before me. Maybe more. I got up there,

and it's this itty bitty little Summit, right? And someone

handed me a beer, a grand pizza, a beer, and we cheered. And that

accomplishment was amazing. Now what I did notice is that I

stayed, we you stayed you the guide stayed with me on the way

up, you stayed with me on the way down, and we made it down. I

was hurting for like, three days later, I was so sore. I did a

massage and more, but you know what? We did it, and I was so

happy. That was a big deal. There's a picture of that in the

book. It was a very proud moment, because I needed to see

if I had it in me, and I wanted to accomplish something with

you. You cake walked it. It was easy. You're, you're, I know,

but still it was not, it's not, you know, it's not a huge climb.

But for me, it was, I had to prove myself, and I did it

alongside of you. It was one of the most fantastic moments.

Okay, it doesn't make going through where stage four colon

cancer worth it, but it was worth it because you and I did

it. And I was very, very happy that I made it up, made it down

with you, and we did ascend and descend that mountain together.

It was a very, very cool, cool time. I love that. Thank you for

reminding me.

I feel like you said, it kind of the doesn't

make it worth it, going through stage four colon cancer to get

to that moment. But you've been in the pain cave in different

ways, and the pain cave runs deep. I've had some experiences,

you know, descending 4000 feet of elevation, and my backpack is

heavy, and I want to cry, and I just go deeper and deeper into

the pain cave and feel what the pain is, and it's just starting

to talk to you. Do you ever feel like you turn your pain into a

friend?

So interesting question. My pain tolerance is

very high. Okay, when I get bone marrow aspirates that hurt like

a mother or I did clinical trials where they get a stun

gun, it's like a bullet to the arm. But I don't want you know

pain is just, unfortunately, a reality of the life we live in,

the world we live in, and it takes many forms, and that's

what I call darkness in the book, and I don't define it. How

you process that pain, how you learn from that pain, what are

you going to do to turn that pain into either power or

purpose? I was on a show the other day, and she turned her

pain into power. I never heard that before, but most people

call it, you're turning your pain into purpose. I've turned

my pain into purpose. That's that's the key there is able to

do that where a lot of people walk and they saying that I know

I appreciate that very much. And I want to tell you something

that I never, ever imagined you that when you were a little

tripper at Camp Tamarack, teaching these kids the safe way

and the Eco way to hike with nature, that this would become

your happy place, your love but it has become that, and it's

very cool.

You and mom sent me to sleep away camp when I was

little,

I know, but we, I we both did sleep away camp too,

but we're not campers. We don't have this May. Major calling of

the environment and the outdoors that you do. I mean your

wilderness trained you. You've climbed many, many peaks, you've

done lots of hikes and stuff like that, but your appreciation

of the environment in nature is, I love you.

I got to hug a tree the other day.

My dog is a tree hugger.

The being in Missoula, the city is in a

valley. It used to be a really large glacial lake, and if you

hike up some of the mountains around town, you'll see the

plaque of where the water level was. So we're really deep in

here, and the snow is kind of coming in, but the large trees

are yellow, still into November. And so I you said it, yeah, I

ran a race recently. I ran a 15k trail race with a lot of

elevation. And I was just running with a friend the other

day, and I pulled over and hugged a tree. I revere places

and mountains and moss and all the little things, because it's

all connected. And the mountains are like elders. You learn from

them. There's lessons to be had in the outdoors. There's lessons

to be had in every experience. So yeah, I don't go after I love

it, but I

want to ask you a question, what was it like

training and preparing for the race?

I set up a plan on my watch, and I tried to stick

to it. I've had an off and on relationship with running the

past few years. And seeing my partner do a 25 mile bike race

and doing really well, that inspired me to sign up for a

race. He did amazing. And I was like, I could do something like

that. I got a running vest. I made it official. I started

fueling myself while running. And it's hard, but there's a

flow that you find. And as we said, the pain cave goes deep,

and sometimes you get in it, and it really, really is hard, but

then you hit a flow. So I've gotten to do some runs with my

dog. Got to spend time. I think my favorite thing, besides in

trail running, besides seeing what is around me, is breathing.

When I found out that you were sick, I had to sit in this

courtroom for a long time listening to something that

really mattered in our community, and I had to take

some time to just sit for a second before while they were

getting back into the lessons and the arguments and everything

that they were presenting, and I just wanted to run because I

wanted to breathe. I don't see these things as escapes. I see

them as breath, and that's the thing you return to, getting

things in, getting things out. So that's what I wanted to do

when you told me

flow state is that breathing and that flow state is

so important I'm learning it as well. As far as energy and

vibration healing, tell me what happened when you crossed the

finish line.

Somebody sprinted ahead of me and my old

competitive self, you know me, I would have been mad. You know

how I as a kid, I used to be very, very I'm still intense,

but I don't I switched the fuel, if you will, of that fire. So I

just went little bow.

Okay, well, I have to tell you, Emily, that what

you just said is that I'm preparing for my race. I am

breathing okay. I am in tune with my environment, although

I'm isolated mostly, but I've been walking three miles a day

when people want to come and see me, as long as they put on a

mask and gloves and we're outside, there's like walking

the dog they're walking me. But actually, most of these people

can't do three miles, and I'm doing three miles on No no no

platelets and no blood cells. And so I'm in training for this,

and I will have that elation, you know, when I get through the

bone marrow transplant and prepared for the after, because

it's going to take a piece of me, but it's no different than

training for a race. So I want to, you know, make that, you

know, equivalent. So I just, I am so happy that we're getting

this chance to talk. Do you have any final questions before we

kind of go to closing out the show,

what's a mantra that you've had, something

that's getting you through, that you tell yourself, besides the

things you say in the mirror? Do you have any quotes or any

things that you've read, something that sticks with you,

that you feel like? Popping up.

The first thing is, I want people not to have

cancer. Cancer sucks. Let's just be straight. All right. So I

want people to go get screened and not get cancer. So do that?

Do yourself a favor, especially minority communities, indigenous

communities, poor communities. Go get screened for your

mammogram, for your colon cancer, for your prostate

cancer, go to the damn dentist, because we didn't do that during

the pandemic. The second thing is, is that if you do get

diagnosed with cancer, you need a team. You call out the

cavalry. And if you don't have a cavalry, you call me, because I

have zillions of people that will help you create your

Calvary, because you don't want to walk this alone. It's not

it's too complex. It's not meant to be alone. You need a

caregiver. So Bobby and Papa were my caregiver for cancer

one, and mom was cancer two, and now CJ is cancer three, and you

need someone to have your backside and to watch you,

because you have tendency where you're going to need rest and

you're going to need we need to eat right. You need to sleep

right. You need to hide. Need to hydrate, all of those things.

Take some gummies, you know, for the for the nausea, and to get

some good sleep. So and then lastly is survivorship. I'm all

about getting back up again. Okay, I want to get back up

again. Okay. I want to build myself up better than before. I

want to build stronger. I want to do more good in the world.

And I want to move forward. I want to grow old, and as I said,

walk you down the aisle, and maybe someday get baby grand

puppies or more, or kids, the dog so far, or grandkids, if

you're thinking in that direction. So

nothing in there yet.

All right, that's that's okay take your time, but

again, I want to be there for that, and so I lead a life. This

is my mantra of resilience and hope, and those four letters are

what fuels me. Every single day, I have hope for all of that to

come true.

Definitely, hope is the key

Hope is the fuel, baby. All right, so I'm going to

ask you to pronounce sunglasses. Okay, we're going to shine

brightly for the whole world. Emily, we've already been doing

it, but we're going to shine brightly. All right, there you

go. Awesome. I should take that picture about it. Tell me Tell

tell audience how they should best get a hold of you.

Um, well, I'm on the Montana this morning. I am

on the 435 3010, O'Clock News on channel eight here in Missoula,

Montana. If you're not in Missoula, Montana, you can watch

us on kpax.com I also am a photographer, videographer. Love

to connect with anybody who needs photos, who wants to be

filmed on Expedition, something like that. You know, I have an

account on Instagram at Emily brown film, f, i, L, M, whoa.

Can't spell, but I post 35 millimeter film. I post my news

clips. I go out with friends, climb stuff, post it. If you're

want to share about a culture, want to share about a moment, I

can, I can do that. Those are pretty much the delays. I have a

LinkedIn as well. But, yeah, so I'll put that I'm a pretty

private person. Even though I'm on TV, I'm a private person,

alrighty. So how we shine brightly is we share

inspiration. Share some inspiration as we close up the

show.

When I walk the dog, I used to do it a lot more

in the mornings, but I listen to the Be Here Now podcast by Ram

Dass. And something that's been popping up in my kind of time of

dealing with these things is a quote that he said, When you

know how to listen everyone is Guru, everyone and everything.

So the red light when you're driving the car that didn't turn

its blinker off, the rain that's ruining your plans to go outside

the work that it's dragging on the coworker that you don't want

to talk to, the annoyance that you have with the test, the dog

that's barking, anything you can when you know how to listen

every everything and everyone is your teacher.

Very profound. I thank you so this has been a

special episode of The shining brightly show. You can reach me

at shining brightly com. You can learn about my book. You can

learn about my speaking, and hire me to speak, not probably

in the next few months, but afterwards. Please hire me to

make your event shine. And also this the podcast is there too

when it's on 24 channels, on captivate.fm, and I'm really

proud of my advocacy work with entrepreneurs from Babson

College. Big shout out. Also the cancer world as well, and the

interfaith world open to understand the other and learn

their cultures and their foods and their histories and be

welcoming. We need more of that now. And just remember, Oh, I

gotta give a shout out before that to the people that help me

all the time. My sponsor so front edge publishing for my

book. Read the spirit magazine, where I blog monthly, amplify

you, that finishes these podcasts so beautifully it gives

me great assets back. Also soul diamond magazine that I'm in

monthly that features my stories and the podcast as well, and

then also speak inspire and prosper just became a new

sponsor. So thank you to all of them, and thank you to the

250,000 plus people that download the show and and feel

and take action on it. Because one of the things you told me

Emily was, positivity is great. Positivity with action is

better. And so that's the shining brightly moment. So if

we choose to shine brightly just a little bit each day for

ourselves first, so then we can thus lift up others. We become a

force multiplier for good and change in this world, and we

make the world a better place. So again, Emily Brown, my

daughter, my love. I'm so proud of you, and thank you for

joining me tonight.

Thanks for having me.

Okay.