The Five Faces of Fear - Ep: 077

Welcome to she coaches coaches. I'm your host,

Kandi motsek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity,

confidence and courage to become the coach that you are meant to

be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a

life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to

talk all about mindset and strategies and how to, because

step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and

confidence to take action. Let's get started. Hello, there,

welcome back. I'm so glad you're here.

Today, we're going to talk about something a little bit

uncomfortable. And for some of us, it might be really

uncomfortable. So if you haven't listened to last episode, I

explained that I'm doing a small number of episodes focused on

fear. And it was because at the beginning of this year, I sat

back, and I had a real close look at what was going on with

my clients, my past clients and my present clients, what was

happening, where were they getting the results they wanted,

were workday. And there was this one underlying piece, fear. Fear

was the thing that was stopping them from moving forward.

They've made so much progress. And I am so proud and honored to

work with them. And I know that each of them experiences fear.

So I'm creating these episodes to help my clients past present

future clients, and all of you wonderful listeners to help you

come into a new relationship with fear and hopefully, move

past it so you can create the dreams that you want. So like I

said, this one's gonna be a little uncomfortable, not

terrible, but just a little bit. So we're going to talk about the

five faces of fear. And we're going to talk about how to

overcome them. I am a big believer that when we understand

something, when we're aware, then we're in the place of

power, and we can do something about it. That's what we're

going to do today. So these five phases of fear, what is going on

with those. And here's the way that I specifically see them

showing up with both myself and in many of my clients lives. So

the face of fear that you have the most habitual face of fear,

often will show up in the way that you avoid things. First,

there is procrastination, putting it off and putting it

off and putting it off, putting off that thing that you know,

needs to be done. You're going to do it tomorrow, or it's a

little too late today to make that phone call. Or you know

what my battery's low on my phone. All of those things feel

like procrastination. The second face of fear is overwhelm. It

might sound like this. I don't know what to do. I'm so

overwhelmed. I've got so many different balls that I'm

juggling. And I don't even know how it's all gonna fit together.

Overwhelm is another really common way that fear shows up.

The next one is decision or indecision. What do I do A or B,

or C or all of them all at once or in what order? Maybe you're

looking at indecision, because you've got so many options open

to you, and you don't know which one to take. So instead of doing

anything, you don't decide so Indecision is that third face of

fear. The next one that I see a lot is this, it sounds like

this. I'm tired. I'm sleepy. I'm so tired that I couldn't

possibly do that. You know, I think I should just take it

easy. I've been working hard. So it's another way that fear can

show up being tired. The fifth. And another very common way that

I see especially with the overachievers that I work with

is busy, being super busy, just doing and doing and doing, being

busy doing all kinds of stuff. But sometimes avoiding the thing

that you know is important. Avoiding the thing that might be

a little bit new or tough, avoiding the thing that you're

nervous about. So five faces of fear that I commonly see

procrastination over overwhelm, spinning in busyness, and

sleepy, right, indecision, all of those I can't disagree I'm

too tired, I'm overwhelmed. I don't know what to do. I'll wait

till tomorrow. Those all sound familiar to us. Some are more

your habitual face of fear than others. So, let's talk about the

five ways that fear show up in your life. And I'm kind of

curious, and I'd love to hear from you guys, what's the most

common way that fear shows up for you? Send me a DM or comment

on this episode and tell me what's your experience? So now

that you know how some of the ways that they're going to show

up, what do you do? How do you get past it? How do you form a

new habit. So the first thing that we do is we acknowledge

that fear is real. We become aware of it, this is me feeling

afraid. And fear is real. It's there. It's present in your

life. So instead of avoiding it, or sweeping it under the carpet,

because sometimes we're scared of even feeling the fear of

remembering that it's part of life, and we acknowledge that

it's real. And I know it sounds kind of strange and kind of

funny. But I've seen this, and I've experienced it myself,

avoiding feeling the fear. So the first thing that you do is

you think, so I'm scared, or I am nervous, or I am worried,

acknowledge that you're feeling it, and acknowledge that it's an

emotion, that is present a feeling that is present for you

right now, there is a difference between saying, I am scared, I

am fearful. You don't have to claim it as your identity. When

we use those I am statements, we're claiming it as something

that we are as part of our identity. But shifting it

slightly, yes, we acknowledge it. But instead of saying I am

fearful, shifted slightly to, I am feeling scared, I feel

nervous. This is a real defining point. It's between feeling the

feeling and owning the feeling as if it is a component of you.

So just watch how you address it. And when you acknowledge

that you feel the feeling, I feel nervous today, I feel

scared, when you acknowledge it, and you allow it, then you get

to watch it. And I know that might sound a little bit weird,

but it's gonna move. Anytime you're feeling angry. Anytime

you're feeling scared. Anytime you have one of these

uncomfortable emotions. If you just breathe, and watch it, it

will start to rise like a wave, it will crest and eventually it

will dissipate. So you don't have to do. You don't have to

deal with it forever. You don't have to think that fear is

abnormal, it's normal. And it's an emotion. It's something that

every one of us feels every single time, we're brought up to

do something new. Fear is a function of our biology. It is a

chemical reaction that happens in our body, when we might be

doing something that our body thinks might be dangerous. Now,

evolution has created those chemicals. That is how it has

helped protect us. Most of the things these days that you and I

are scared of are not going to cause us any real danger. Most

of the things are not going to do anything, but make us feel a

little uncomfortable. Maybe we'll feel a little embarrassed.

Maybe we'll feel a little silly, but we're not in actual physical

danger. Now, if you're talking about the fear of jumping out of

a plane without a parachute, that is a completely different

ballpark. And I'm not going down that path. I'm talking today

about the fears that you might have when you try something new.

Not when you're experiencing a real danger. Maybe you're scared

about signing a new coaching client. Maybe you're nervous

about doing your first Facebook or Instagram Live. Maybe you

decided it's time to go back to the gym and you haven't been

there for a while. Those are the kinds of nervousness we're

talking about. Name the emotion, focus on your body and name it.

So it will sound like this. When you notice and acknowledge that

fear is normal, and you name it. I am feeling nervous. Then focus

on your body. It's a physical sensation in your body. What do

you notice? Is your stomach churning? Are your shoulders

tight? Do you have goosebumps going up your back Do you have a

rock in the pit of your stomach? What is the actual physical

sensation that you fear? I know that for me, sometimes when I'm

nervous, my legs get super tight, or they get a little bit

jittery like they want to move. But when I focus on that

physical sensation, and I notice it, and I acknowledge that I'm

nervous, I just pause and give it a little bit of time.

I can just accept that I'm having an emotion, and notice

what's happening in my body, and allow myself to focus and feel

that physical sensation. And in about 60 to 90 seconds, yeah,

one minute to a minute and a half, you're going to notice the

emotion shifts. Interesting, right? So notice, what we're

doing is we're here present with the fear, we are not the fear,

we are experiencing an emotion. And also because you're present

with the fear, you're not pushing it away. You're not

scared to feel fear, you're not trying to avoid it at all costs.

And so you're putting a heck of a lot less energy into it. By

not judging yourself, about those five faces, instead of

judging yourself about procrastinating and overwhelm

and perfectionism and being tired, you're allowing yourself

to experience that emotion, you're allowing the emotion to

move through you. You know, when you think about that word,

emotion, it is energy in motion. So if we just allow it, it will

move. These simple little tips are really going to help. And I

hope, and trust that they will help you take the next step. I

am so glad that you're here. And I hope that you take this

episode and apply it in your life. In the meantime, I've got

an interesting freebie that I created. And I'll put the link

in the Episode Notes. It's for those of you who are considering

becoming a coach or just starting out in your coaching

business. It's called The Ultimate Guide to Becoming a

professional coach. Click the link in the Episode Notes and

get your copy today. And if you want even more help, maybe

you're just done with trying to figure it out on your own. Maybe

you've had enough of trying to piece things together to create

your dream. Then we should talk we should talk about how we can

work together. I've got some space open in my calendar for a

few private clients. And if you're listening to this

episode, in the future, still click that link. It's going to

give you different options of how to work directly with me. So

click the link in the Episode Notes. Find out how to apply to

work with me. And I will be back to speak with you again. Thanks

again for listening today. Please hop on over to Apple

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you. It's something that I say resonate. What else would you

like to learn about? Click the link in the player and leave a

comment on the post. This is going to give me great ideas for

future episodes so I can help you best. Join me again next

week. From our coaching, support and teaching to help you become

the confident coach. You are meant to be