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Real Life Coaching: I’m doing something new! I invite you to listen in on a real unscripted coaching session with coach Heather H. She comes with this question, “how do I reconcile my personal vs business social media presence maintain respectful confidentiality, and remain authentic?” And then we coach. Listen as she works through her thoughts and comes to clarity.
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>> https://candymotzek.lpages.co/coaching-with-candy/
Featured on The Show:
Hey welcome to sheet coaches, coaches, I'm your
Candy Motzek:host, Kandi motsek. And I'm going to help you find the
Candy Motzek:clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you
Candy Motzek:were meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always
Candy Motzek:wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're
Candy Motzek:going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to,
Candy Motzek:because step by step only works when you have the clarity,
Candy Motzek:courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started. Hi,
Candy Motzek:everyone, and welcome to this episode, today, I'm doing
Candy Motzek:something a little bit different, you are going to hear
Candy Motzek:me coach, I'm coaching Heather, who is a leader in the area of
Candy Motzek:supporting parents and allies, the people who are walking side
Candy Motzek:by side with their teen or young adult in the coming out process.
Candy Motzek:This is a sensitive journey. And it really requires
Candy Motzek:confidentiality, careful thought and empathy. Now, she's been a
Candy Motzek:leading force on this path for years. But she realized that she
Candy Motzek:has some outdated thoughts on her presence on social media.
Candy Motzek:And that's what we coached on. Now. Let me give you some
Candy Motzek:recommendations before we dive into the coaching. First, you
Candy Motzek:could decide to approach this episode as a coach, ask
Candy Motzek:yourself, what do you hear? What would you ask? How would you
Candy Motzek:approach this client's experience? Or you can approach
Candy Motzek:it as if you are the client? Take the conversation and
Candy Motzek:questions that I asked and use them to coach yourself. You can
Candy Motzek:do this by pausing the episode from time to time and writing in
Candy Motzek:your own journal. I want to thank Heather for showing up on
Candy Motzek:this conversation fully showing up being present and growing
Candy Motzek:from the experience. Okay, let's dive in. So what do you want to
Candy Motzek:talk about today?
Heather Hester:So I am struggling a little bit with I
Heather Hester:have a my personal Facebook page that I've had for a number of
Heather Hester:years that I never go on. But I grabbed it years ago when
Heather Hester:Facebook first started, blah, blah, blah, whatever. And so
Heather Hester:it's been sitting out there and I kind of use it as the vehicle
Heather Hester:that I go into my work Facebook, and, and then my groups, but I
Heather Hester:that I like to be in. And so I, in doing what I'm doing, have
Heather Hester:always kept my personal separate from my work for a number of
Heather Hester:reasons. But the biggest being I did not, you know, initially I
Heather Hester:was not going to out my son to my personal, you know, people
Heather Hester:who follow me on personal Facebook because I just don't do
Heather Hester:that. And but then over time, it became more of I just didn't
Heather Hester:feel like dealing with some of the people on there. Right?
Heather Hester:Because what I do is it can be very polarizing, and people have
Heather Hester:very strong opinions one way or another. But it has recently,
Heather Hester:and having discussions with some people that we both know, I have
Heather Hester:respected the reasoning for kind of letting everybody know,
Heather Hester:right, just putting it out there. This is this is who I am
Heather Hester:here is all of me just being super vulnerable. And so I think
Heather Hester:sometimes we have these blocks. And so I'm wondering as I have a
Heather Hester:couple questions, or I'm kind of working through a couple of
Heather Hester:things with this. I'm wondering if this is been like a very
Heather Hester:subconscious block for me. And moving forward, both personally
Heather Hester:and with my business, the fact that I keep them very separate.
Heather Hester:I also have it's become more and more like, I really need to kind
Heather Hester:of practice what I preach, which is be authentic, right? Well,
Heather Hester:this is who I am. This is who my family is. Take it or leave it.
Heather Hester:So I think that's why but I'm struggling with I've started a
Heather Hester:couple of times over the past week writing something up and I
Heather Hester:just get stuck. So I'm stuck. So that's what I'm coming to you
Heather Hester:with. Okay.
Candy Motzek:So is it is the challenge that you've got a
Candy Motzek:business Facebook page, and you've got a personal Facebook
Candy Motzek:page, and you keep the only time you use your personal page as
Candy Motzek:well. You're interacting in a group, because you have to be a
Candy Motzek:personal person to be in a group or,
Heather Hester:yeah, that's a challenge. That's right. I don't
Heather Hester:I don't ever I mean, you know, occasionally I'll like, see
Heather Hester:somebody post something interesting as I'm going
Heather Hester:through, because you know, you kind of have to go through your
Heather Hester:personal to get tell your business stuff. So I'll see a
Heather Hester:post and I'll be like, Oh, that's whatever.
Heather Hester:Congratulations. Hi, happy birthday, whatever. Right. But
Heather Hester:other than that, no, I go right through. And I'm on my, my
Heather Hester:business pages and my business groups. So
Candy Motzek:the easiest thing here?
Heather Hester:Well, I mean, I don't know. Get rid of my
Heather Hester:personal page.
Candy Motzek:What's the easy thing like, like you've created?
Candy Motzek:There was there was a minute back there where you said,
Candy Motzek:Here's my two things. And just before that you went? Like, it's
Candy Motzek:just like, it's really, that sigh really says so much like,
Candy Motzek:it's really preying on your mind?
Unknown:Doesn't really matter?
Candy Motzek:Like, I don't know. That's it? Well,
Heather Hester:I, you know, I don't, I think it's been kind of
Heather Hester:pushed to the forefront for me, just because I've, you know,
Heather Hester:witnessed someone else do this very thing. And thinking, and I
Heather Hester:think it's kind of, for me, it's created the question of, or made
Heather Hester:me kind of think, okay, am I being fully authentic? If I'm
Heather Hester:very purposefully keeping these two things separate?
Candy Motzek:Okay, so I got a question. I got a thought here
Candy Motzek:for you. Yes. So there is a place where you are authentic.
Candy Motzek:And then there is a place where authentic does not mean, every
Candy Motzek:everything that you ever have every piece of who you are, must
Candy Motzek:always be on public display. Right? Authentic might be that
Candy Motzek:there are parts of your life that you decide are private. And
Candy Motzek:when you decide that they're private, they're private, for a
Candy Motzek:reason that matters to you. The safety and security of your
Candy Motzek:family might be one of them. Where we show up how we show up
Candy Motzek:in the outside world, is nobody says that you can't use the word
Candy Motzek:authentic, when you decide to have some discretion about how
Candy Motzek:you show up. So it makes sense. Like, I personally don't think,
Candy Motzek:you know, like, if the question is, am I being inauthentic at
Candy Motzek:some level, if I don't put everything about my personal
Candy Motzek:life, on my personal Facebook page and put it out for the
Candy Motzek:world, or at least the five people who might be interested,
Candy Motzek:put it out there for everybody to read. Is that true? No.
Heather Hester:But here's where that might get this question.
Heather Hester:Yeah, Brian, when it kind of circle back to it, because I
Heather Hester:completely completely agree with that, which is why I've never
Heather Hester:really been on Facebook. Personally, because mops,
Heather Hester:because. But my I think I've kind of come to face with this,
Heather Hester:because I do have the because of what I do. And what I do is it
Heather Hester:is very personal, it does involve my family, it does
Heather Hester:involve a topic that is can be quite polarizing. And so and
Heather Hester:kind of owning that, right, as I've, you know, supported my son
Heather Hester:and owning that. And I my question, I guess my question
Heather Hester:really is, is this a is this a step that I should be taking?
Heather Hester:And I'm really struggling with it, because I totally agree with
Heather Hester:what you're saying. And I see what you're saying. But then I
Heather Hester:think well, this is my business. This is what I do I coach people
Heather Hester:who are, are, you know, going through this? Right. So it's not
Heather Hester:really that secret anymore.
Candy Motzek:I mean, anybody could go find your podcast and
Candy Motzek:go oh, like, it's not like it's not like you're not available?
Candy Motzek:Right? Anytime, like, you know, when you google your podcasts
Candy Motzek:name, there you are. It's not a secret.
Heather Hester:Right.
Candy Motzek:So why is that? Okay, and then the Facebook
Candy Motzek:thing is like, that's the place that it feels nerve wracking.
Candy Motzek:Have you ever Googled yourself if you're seeing what comes up
Candy Motzek:now for a long time I have Okay, well, so that's the that's going
Candy Motzek:to be one of the things to do is like, oh my gosh, all of this
Candy Motzek:stuff is here already. And here I was thinking I had this little
Candy Motzek:private cord are new.
Heather Hester:You know, it's funny because my kids have
Heather Hester:Googled themselves and they I slapped because because this
Heather Hester:family picture of ours that I have on my website is always the
Heather Hester:first thing that comes up and they're like,
Candy Motzek:mom there, but of course, I
Heather Hester:haven't done the exercise myself, so I need to do
Heather Hester:that. Okay, this is the Thank you, you did. This is offered
Heather Hester:some clarity and some removal of pressure on myself that this was
Heather Hester:a necessary step. Right. I mean, I kind of feel like, kind of,
Heather Hester:like you said, like people who? No, no, I mean, it's not like
Heather Hester:I've hidden that I have this podcast that I have this
Heather Hester:business. But I haven't made like an official announcement. I
Heather Hester:think that's what it is like, there hasn't been this like
Heather Hester:official declaration of, so do I do I need to do that? I don't
Heather Hester:know. Like, I feel like I'm kind of like so far down the road
Heather Hester:that I'm like, Oh, do I need a backup? Three
Candy Motzek:miles and do that? Yeah. So you have Oh, darn you
Candy Motzek:don't tell me how many episodes you have. We have pages and
Candy Motzek:pages of episodes. Right? You've got a lot of episodes. This is
Candy Motzek:not a new thing, right? The episodes you got? I'm going
Candy Motzek:through all the pages. It's
Heather Hester:53. Right? Yeah.
Candy Motzek:Here you are. Oh, no, let me tell you about my
Candy Motzek:business.
Heather Hester:Okay, see, this was like this silly. This is you
Heather Hester:have no idea that this is a huge weight lifted off me because
Heather Hester:I've had this stupid word doc sitting on my desktop for the
Heather Hester:past week. And I keep going to and I'm like, I don't even know
Heather Hester:what to say here. Like, I've literally had things like that
Heather Hester:have been publicly, you know, published in local papers and
Heather Hester:stuff about it, like, don't really need to go through this
Heather Hester:exercise. I don't. Okay, I don't done. Right. Like,
Candy Motzek:it's just, you know, what it is, is that I
Candy Motzek:believe that it's one of those things that because it is a
Candy Motzek:potentially cutting edge business, right. And there's a
Candy Motzek:place where your children could be impacted, you kind of get
Candy Motzek:that double dose of protection, like, first, we as humans don't
Candy Motzek:want to be too vulnerable, because it might mean that then
Candy Motzek:we're excommunicated. But then if you are looking at you know,
Candy Motzek:like you're one of your prime drivers, as a mom is to keep
Candy Motzek:your kids safe and happy. We want nothing more than our
Candy Motzek:children to have safe, happy, wonderful lives and have
Candy Motzek:everything that they could ever want. So you've got kind of that
Candy Motzek:double dose. So like, this is just feels like it's just kind
Candy Motzek:of like one more little layer of, you know, like, just one
Candy Motzek:more little layer. It's like, Oh, I thought I was still
Candy Motzek:protecting my children. But wait a minute, I've got like, 100
Candy Motzek:episodes of my podcast out in the world, with my son's name on
Candy Motzek:at least three of them. And my family photo they come up,
Candy Motzek:right? It's like this. I'm protecting them. Oh, my gosh,
Candy Motzek:are we funny?
Heather Hester:I mean, really, are all with their permission.
Heather Hester:I've always asked for everything that you know, before I do
Heather Hester:anything. But I think, you know, between my, my, I think we're
Heather Hester:all a little bit naive. But I'm definitely definitely naive when
Heather Hester:it comes to, you know, how technology and all these things
Heather Hester:work that which is funny, because I always say, especially
Heather Hester:to my younger my younger kids, I'm like, you'd put anything on
Heather Hester:social media or on the on the interwebs. It's, I don't care if
Heather Hester:you delete it 1000 times it is out there forever and ever.
Heather Hester:Amen. So don't do it.
Candy Motzek:There is actually a business that will remove all
Candy Motzek:of your history,
Heather Hester:like forever and ever, like so
Candy Motzek:I don't know how they do it. But like remove your
Candy Motzek:entire digital footprint. And I think that that is really common
Candy Motzek:for people who have had maybe a bit of a rocky life at some
Candy Motzek:point. And now they're going for some big promotion or now
Candy Motzek:they're getting their big break or something like that. And they
Candy Motzek:don't want anybody to know that. Yeah, they were human and they
Candy Motzek:had a rocky life. Right,
Heather Hester:right. Yeah, I do it more to you know, it's one
Heather Hester:of those those few times I don't typically parent by fear, but
Heather Hester:occasionally I choose the route of don't do this, because you'll
Heather Hester:never get into college ever. Or get a job or or or or or right.
Heather Hester:So.
Candy Motzek:So come back to the original question. Yes, had
Candy Motzek:this. You've got your personal Facebook page, which you kind of
Candy Motzek:knew and then you Got your business Facebook page, and then
Candy Motzek:you participate in the groups and you have your own group?
Candy Motzek:Where are you at? Now with that, should I announce that I have
Candy Motzek:100 year old business? On my personal story?
Heather Hester:That was a little bit of leading the
Heather Hester:witness. I'm so
Candy Motzek:sorry. I bet if I looked up your podcast on Listen
Candy Motzek:notes, you probably like in the top 2%. You know, like, right,
Candy Motzek:so, like, come on.
Heather Hester:See? And that's such now I feel so silly for
Heather Hester:asking that question. But I really was like, in this like,
Heather Hester:conundrum of, and then maybe that's why it was a conundrum.
Heather Hester:Because I'm thinking, Well, I've been doing this for so long do I
Heather Hester:need to like backtrack that much. And actually make an
Heather Hester:official like, Okay, this is what I'm doing all of you,
Heather Hester:people who I didn't tell in the first place for a reason. Right.
Candy Motzek:And so here's the so here's the thing. It's so
Candy Motzek:much as driven just by our need to. All right, exactly. One of
Candy Motzek:the things that's your mission, I need to belong, and to feel
Candy Motzek:safe and to feel nice judged. And you practice that so much
Candy Motzek:with the people in your community with your family. And
Candy Motzek:here's, it's just like, it's a little veil of where you're
Candy Motzek:showing yourself that I get to belong to, I don't have to judge
Candy Motzek:myself. I can accept who I am. I can just breathe to
Heather Hester:write. Yes, that comes in handy so often, doesn't
Heather Hester:it? Yeah,
Candy Motzek:totally. And I hope you're okay with me putting
Candy Motzek:this you know, putting this on the interwebs when you know when
Candy Motzek:the time comes, because I really want people to see that we have
Candy Motzek:these things that just like they go in our head, they're like a
Candy Motzek:little one of those things called you know, like an ear
Candy Motzek:worm, when a song write that song plays forever and ever and
Candy Motzek:ever in your head. It's that and will just turn and turn and turn
Candy Motzek:on them. And then when you start to really look at it, you're
Candy Motzek:like, wait, I'm just fooling myself, I'm just, you know,
Candy Motzek:right. And, and it's an I don't want to I don't want to laugh
Candy Motzek:about the fact that being open and vulnerable and visible, is
Candy Motzek:scary. I just think that you don't realize how visible you
Candy Motzek:already are, like how many steps you've already taken. And you
Candy Motzek:did it because you weren't thinking about you. You were
Candy Motzek:thinking about this will help people, this will help my
Candy Motzek:community, here's somebody who could help my community. If
Candy Motzek:Connor tells his story, it's gonna help like if it only helps
Candy Motzek:one young person where he changed the course of the entire
Candy Motzek:world, right? You did all of that thinking about other
Candy Motzek:people? It's a big deal.
Heather Hester:Thank you for putting it in those words. I
Heather Hester:really hadn't thought about it that way. And it is interested
Heather Hester:in how the human brain works, isn't it? How you get stuck on
Heather Hester:something? And then And then somebody repeats it to you. And
Heather Hester:you realize, oh, my goodness, what
Unknown:was I thinking? Right. Right. So thank you. You're
Unknown:welcome. So just
Candy Motzek:is there anything that you need to do from this
Candy Motzek:conversation? Like, is there any action that you actually want to
Candy Motzek:take?
Heather Hester:I'm going to delete the word doc that I was
Heather Hester:working on, already on working on. And I'm going to cross it
Heather Hester:off of my to do list because it's also there. And I'm gonna
Heather Hester:Google myself, because I have not done that a really long
Heather Hester:time. And now I'm curious.
Candy Motzek:Yeah, it was really weird to do. Not at all,
Candy Motzek:not at all. I think it's great. It just means that you've got
Candy Motzek:clarity and closure. I do and that your brain is now freed up
Candy Motzek:to do other things that you got, you know, there's lots of other
Candy Motzek:things on your to do list. There are yes, they're awesome. Thank
Candy Motzek:you so much. Thank you. Thanks again for listening today.
Candy Motzek:Please hop on over to Apple podcasts and leave a review.
Candy Motzek:Also, I would love to hear from you. It's something that I say
Candy Motzek:resonate. What else would you like to learn about? Click the
Candy Motzek:link in the player and leave a comment on the post. This is
Candy Motzek:going to give me great ideas for future episodes so I can help
Candy Motzek:you best. Join me again next week. For more coaching, support
Candy Motzek:and teaching to help you become the confident coach. You are men
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