Ask An Expert: Susi Vine Is Happified-Ep: 0102

Hey welcome to she coaches coaches, I'm your host Candi Motzek. And I'm going to help you find the clarity, confidence and courage to become the coach that you are meant to be. If you're a new coach, or if you've always wanted to be a life coach, then this is the place for you. We're going to talk all about mindset and strategies and how to because step by step only works when you have the clarity, courage and confidence to take action. Let's get started. Hello there and welcome to this episode of she coaches coaches. I am welcoming Susi Vine. She is my guest today. And I met Susie as part of a potter Palooza event. If you've been listening to this podcast, you're going to have heard a few of these episodes already. But I have got to say that this was one of the highlights of the event was the quality of the people that I met. I met Susi very briefly and I was like, Oh, that's it, we got to talk on this podcast. So let me tell you a little bit about her. Suzi is on a mission to restore the balance of health and happiness in our world. That's where the scales have tipped to burnout, anxiety and chronic disease. She is the host of The Happy fight podcast, and she spotlights healthy living and lifestyle experts and shares tools to help her audience live with maximum resilience. Susi's coaching and online programs help high achievers discover how happiness paves the way to greater success. By flipping the script on stress. She helps her clients discover how they can unlock optimal focus and greater success by making space for what lights them up. more fun, more creativity, more play. And dare I say more life. Susi, thank you for joining me here.

Thank you. It's a treat to be with you.

So talk to me a little bit about your journey. How did you get to be a stress coach.

I like to say it has been a winding path. But concentric circles, I've done a lot of different things. I initially worked in technical theatre backstage and ultimately became sensitized to some of the chemicals that we work with. So environmental stressors are something that I queued in pretty early on. And most recently, I was working with senior clients in their 80s and 90s, I was helping them downsize and move into a new home. And as a rebellious Gen XOR. I recognized I'm not going to want someone telling me when I can't live in my own home and do what I want to do when I get in that stage of my life, we want to have a different story. And how do we do that? It starts if we work upstream. And stress is the underlying cause of so many different, so many different kinds of diseases and situations we find ourselves in. So it really seemed like that's the linchpin. That's the point where we can start the conversation and start to make change before it's broken. And we're forced to fix something. So that's, that's a little bit of why I got into stress. My mom was a nurse. And so I also really saw the impact of working in a stressful job and working night shifts. And so that also really drove me to see how I can support people and resolving this rather than thinking it's just part of life and we have to power through.

That's the thing that's Well, first, that's quite a mission. And I wish that I had found you years ago when I was experiencing burnout myself. But if you could transform the life of even 100 people in your area. I wonder what that would do for the world? What do you think? How would that impact the world just touching on just those few people

and giving themselves permission to put themselves first, right? And what I think about is the impact on their partner and their children because it isn't just the stress that we feel but it's the way that it lands in our relationships. And so it's not simply and that really lands with me like I've got I've got little spirit tingles, like yes, I want that, you know, and as we mentioned in another conversation, you know, when we create these podcast episodes and share messages, you know, one thing might land with one person and come back to them at the right point or shift their perspective on something powerful, but it's such a gift and I to be able to have that kind of impact but certainly working one on one and helping People move through the process and shift their perspective and recognize that they're worth coming first, that they're worth telling everybody else to hold on to wait a minute I need to take care of myself right now is like, it's extraordinary. I think we're addressing a lot of generational stuff and empowering younger people to start out so far ahead of where we are having to learn this lesson at this stage of our lives and changing careers and going through that recovery process.

It makes me think of like, why has Society decided that stress is acceptable? Yeah, like, I know that there is us stress, which is good stress that encourages us to grow and all that. But so when I say stress is acceptable, really, what I'm meaning is that distress is acceptable and even revered in our society. Why do you think that's happened?

Yeah, and thank you for, for that clarification. Because there is good stress, and there's a more empowered approach to stress, you know, it doesn't always need to be debilitating. But you're so right. You know, we've gotten into this culture, this western lifestyle, where stress is like a badge of honor how few hours of sleep we got, you know, how many days we've eaten lunch at the desk, and not gotten up, and that sort of thing. And, and we revere getting into the zone, so the time falls away, but then we don't stand up, we don't move around, we don't even breathe when we're working on the computer, we tend to hold our breath. And I think it's kind of, uh, you know, our biological reaction to stress is super simple. And it has served a purpose. But our lifestyles have changed. And now everything brings us stress. And I think there was a time when we had to work hard in order to do everything that needed to be done. But technology has taken so much of that off our plate. But we've it's kind of been ingrained that we have to work hard. Even though we don't have to, we can put that down and take advantage of technology, we can take advantage of systems that lighten that load, but it's still a point of pride or you have to do good work, right, it all comes back to that work, and then proving ourselves and feeling that we have value. Because it's really a big, it's a thing that I see a lot of people struggle with. And I definitely have struggled with it and continue to work through the process of how recognizing our inherent value without seeing it reflected back from someone else. Right. And I became aware of it. I haven't raised my own children, I have a stepdaughter. But when people talk about the way you talk with your children, and instead of telling little kids Good job, you know, have other ways of affirming what they've done. You were very creative, you gave that a lot of thought, what did you learn in the process? Because even at that young age, as toddlers, we're telling kids work hard, do good work, do good work. And it's a huge shift that we have to make.

Yeah, so you've talked about, there's a few threads that you've brought in here. So the one is your self worth, not what other people think of you, but what you think of yourself. And then tied into that is boundaries, having boundaries and putting yourself in a position where you are the priority. And along with that society's expectation that somehow when we do more, we're worth more that we're more valuable that we are more, I don't know, more, something more something, but we don't know what. And just, there's, I have so many thoughts. So I'm trying to figure out, which is, which is the question to ask. And this is going to stay in, I want people to hear the real conversation, not the you know, truncated version of the conversation. But I keep coming back to if we learn how to manage our stress, and we place ourselves at the top of our own priority list, and everyone else does the same. It just makes me think that the relationships that we have with people, the relationships we have with ourselves are going to be so much smoother. And then this really, it may be a radical thought. But when you think about the healthcare industry, how the number of illnesses that we'll have to deal with may be smaller, that the absenteeism from work may have gone down. Like it just it's really an all encompassing thing. I'm just kind of trying to, like I'm starting to see part of why your mission is so important. Yeah, so sorry. Just just thinking and ruminating in my head. So tell me how do you work with your clients? How do you how do you do it?

Well, it you know, it can be tricky to bring new clients on board because people who We're stressed, don't feel like they have time to do anything about the stress. And so that's a big reason why I have created the podcast and created some different online programs to try to meet people where they are and say, you can just start here, let's just start with some ideas. What if it can be different? What if you're already enough, and you don't have to work hard to prove it. But when I when I have clients who can put themselves first and start on this journey with me, what I really love is just getting clear on what they're looking for and what they want more of, because we think we're working towards goals. That makes sense. And that's when we'll be happy, we're going to work really hard, we'll deal with the stress, because when we get there, it's all going to be great. And I love to flip the script, as I said, and I initially when I started my practice, I thought, I'm just going to help people turn down the volume on stress, environmental stress, like I mentioned, emotional and physical. When we tackle that we have more capacity, we have more resilience, that's what it is. And I stumbled into the field of positive psychology. And Shawn Achor, has one of the most popular TED Talks. So a lot of people have heard of him and his book, The Happiness Advantage, but when we give ourselves permission to be happy now, instead of thinking I have to reach this goal, I have to prove what I'm worth. And then I can be happy, which is very fleeting, actually. The science and positive psychology is great. And if you're a geek like myself, it's a lot of fun to look at how they've put these numbers together. So just helping people create space for themselves. And to get a clearer look at what it is they're working toward an if it's even something that they want, or if it's something that they've just adopted these goals. And by the time they get there, they're not going to be satisfied, because that's not really what lights them up. And helping people have that space for exploration and being aligned, and recognizing how much they have done along the way. So celebrating the milestones, you know, building some in and looking for ways to celebrate is something that I love to bring into that process and helping people just find those ways to light themselves up and bring some joy back. And it's a really powerful way to, to lower the stress,

I love that you have a story of a client's journey, or even like not necessarily as a specific individual, and what their life has been like.

I have a friend who started coaching with me very early on. And so it's been lovely, because we've been working together now over the course of several years, I was one of those people who, when COVID happened, the other things that I was doing suddenly weren't available to me. So I said, Oh, this coaching thing that felt really important to me, I guess this is a good time to work on that. And so we started working together then and I use Flower Essences a lot in my practices as well. And so people hear flower essences, and they think essential oils, they're actually an energetic remedy. They're closer to homeopathy than, and then essential oils. And through working with those in the conversations, it's really been extraordinary. He's been on a journey of finding himself of developing his own practice leading groups, conversation groups and communication, relationship work with couples. And it's been really lovely to see how he's opened up and how the chances that he's found the strength to take our blink, bringing beautiful opportunities together. Because like myself, he was also doing primarily body work. And now there's so much more space for the things that light him up. And I think a big part of it is, is releasing the judgment or expectations, I need to be here by now, this isn't working. You know, there were some of those milestones where we were able to work through that and create a little bit more space and say, you know, those maybe aren't the best parameters to be judging this by but how else can we look at this? How else can we, you know, have some solutions and work through it. So it's been really lovely in that particular situation to see the most growth happen.

And interesting to approach it from so many different areas. So it sounds like your COVID journey has actually been one of significant growth and meaning, which you know, is not everybody's not everybody's journey has been like that. Right. Can you tell me a little bit more about the flower essences now I know about Bach Rescue Remedy, and I've used that, but how do you use them in your practice?

Yeah, and there's Love weight Rescue Remedy is usually the entry point. Because it's pretty, pretty ubiquitous, it's easy to find, even at regular pharmacies, let alone you know, the health food stores, which is where you can find the rest of the Bach flowers. And so, Rescue Remedy is five flowers in a combination, and there are 38 that you can work with. And they help bring emotions back into balance. So it's not to say that an emotional state is always wrong, you might just want a little more of something. So vine is a flower essence that can help balance dominating or domineering behavior. So for bullying behavior, Vine is a good one, if you can share it with the person who has that behavior, if someone is experiencing that they can be supportive. But on the other side of the spectrum, Vine can help people step into their leadership and authority and have balanced leadership. So it's on a spectrum. And as I've already said, like favorites are a little hard for me. So I like to look at how we can come into balance. And so with custom blends that I can make with my clients, we can address you know, is it anxiety about specific things? Am I going to get more clients, you know, this bill that's coming due or you know, anything at this point, there's a lot of things that we are worried about, are free floating concerns, or concern about the safety of the people that we love, those are three different flower essences that we can work with. So we can really dial into different emotional states. The trick and what I love to work with people on is, where's the priority? What do you want to shift first, is it that worry and anxiety is stealing your focus, which in a lot of cases, it can run over and color a lot of different things. So it's certainly something that is usually high on the list. But just being mentally present and focused or having energy to do what we want every day feeling like I'm ready to start the day. Those can be things that can be hurdles for people. So we can even address that. So I make custom combinations here in the States, I ship them out, overseas and abroad. It's easier when people have a kit so they can pull from what I

really and what I'm really enjoying about your approach is first, you've got the physical approach, you've got the emotional approach, and then you're, I don't know what the word is. But I'll just say, it's not the right phrase, but upping the ante, by leveraging these remedies as well, to ensure this emotional balance. And, you know, as you're, as you're talking, I'm thinking more and more like that stress is the key for everything, right. Like if people have more balance in their life, if they know how to manage their stress, if, as you described, you know, with your friend that you've worked with, they know what they want more of and what they want less of. Like, that just sounds like the optimal kind of coaching. That's what it sounds like. It's lovely. And I think your clients just loved working with you

why that is. And that's I never get tired of that aha moment when people you know, you get through the noise, the static, all the input that we think we have to answer to. And then they can just get clear and say, This is what I want. This is what I want. All those other priorities that are like off their shoulders, at least for a minute. You know, they'll come back. But at least once you have that moment of clarity, you have that kind of a bookmark, you can come back to and say, Okay, this is what I'm focusing on right now. It's okay to put some other things on hold.

That was like coaching with you is like the gift of a lifetime. Right. Thank you. Amazing thing. Wow. I have no more fancy questions for you. Oh, is there anything else about how you work with people that you'd like to share with us? I just, I don't want to miss an opportunity to ask you a great question. And I have nothing else in my brain right now.

This late, I think, well, it is always so different. So you know, I love. Like I've said, you know helping people find out what their priorities are. So we can set a course for their own process. But I think in general, what I love for people to recognize is we don't have to wait until it's broken air quotes. We don't have to push ourselves to the point of burnout. I've been lucky to talk with a number of corporate teams over the last few years and connect with people about how they are in this remote working environment. It's shifted a lot of things and so many more people are experiencing burnout and as, as we've already touched on briefly, you know boundaries is so much to do with it. So, just as we Need to get clear on our priorities recognizing where our boundaries are Brene Brown says I'm not going to say it quite right. But resentment is envy. And what I really see that connected to other people having boundaries and telling us No. And us recognizing, you know, we don't have that boundary or when we say yes to someone else, and we resent that we've agreed we've overextended ourselves. So I think it's important to have that clarity. And we need to make space for those opportunities.

And I have heard something very similar from her as well. And I hadn't thought about it in the way of boundaries. And it's a really, that is a really good point. Thank you. All right. So how can people find out more about working with you,

people can connect through my website, the landing page for the podcast is Epified life.com. And there, you'll be able to find out the rest of my work through three acts less stress, and connect and find resources there. And I'm always happy to connect with folks. I've got a free call there. So love to have a conversation.