The Next… | Treyonda Towns

Deana Brown Mitchell: Hello, everyone, it's Deana Mitchell from the Realize Foundation and I'm here today with Treyonda Towns. And we're here to talk about the Scars to Stars Volume Two book that's coming out on September 22. We're super excited about it. We had such a great response to the first book. And we know that it helps so many people. And it reached a lot bigger audience than I expected in the beginning. So we're super excited about this book. And we're here to talk a little bit about tram the story. And so Treyonda, would you? Would you share a little bit about your chapter and what you wrote about?

Yes, my chapter was called the next. And it talks about that journey of forgiveness. And what that looks like, when you're fully step into forgiveness. We talk about forgiveness, and we offer forgiveness, often, right. But yet, there's still patterns that may come up in arise or behaviors that is evident that forgiveness has not really kind of manifested within your, your full being. And it's affecting different areas of your life. In So, yes,

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yes forgiveness can be a really hard thing. And it can also be very freeing and healing, when you can get to that place you're talking about. And you can manifest it in a way that really does release that from your body and holding it sometimes even causes us stress and, and, you know, health issues even when we're really stressed and not, not in that place. So thank you for sharing that. Because I think that applies to everyone. You know, we all have people or things in our life that we are trying to let go of our need to forgive and it's hard. It's very hard. So will you maybe you could awesome. Tell us My second question is about your experience being part of this project and actually writing something very personal? And how did that? How did that affect you? And I know you're dealing with some hard stuff, you're in the middle of it, whatever you want to share?

Yes, my experience. It allowed me to really be true to myself, to be free to forgive myself, walking away and not just focusing on forgiving the person, the places, the people on the situations. Um, Nick causes harm. But allowing that also to teach who are in combat back to us. Just just culturally, you know, the church kind of was kind of that place. You know, growing up, you know, there was a hunger and desire to kind of know who you are, where you come from, in the why, why this happens to me, why is this like that. And then you're programmed, honestly, to forgive. Right? And so we can go through the formality of forgiving, but once again, a I truly believe, just by walking this journey, there is a true transition and transformation that comes with genuine, intentional forgiveness that causes a shift in your life. Where you can see the difference from when forgiveness was okay and forgiving, because this is what I have to do. And it's the right thing to do to a place of forgiving because it's who you are, and what needs to happen in that you deserve it too. We're taught that you know to forgive in a lot of times, it's not explained that the forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about you as well. But when you carry the burden of others for so long. You You don't know how to offer that same forgiveness and release to yourself and so I attempted it with the first book. Right and I get caught in the shift of that. That burning place of that At. And he took me to a place of like in when the new year started saying, Okay, this is really the year of release and letting go for me. And it was like the little small tangible things. Okay, yes, I'm gonna release, I'm gonna let go, you know, the people places and things that does invest, certainly now, we hear that a lot. But when you're really walking into that, and there was just a place that I'm destined to be, and there's a desire to see some evidence and in and have some purposes, set for my life, I believe we are all created for some true purpose and destinies. And so what does that mean? Right? What does that mean? To truly forgive, and to let go, and to release. And so words has always meant something for me. And I always have been a person of making sure I'm choosing my words, right? Because they do have power. And they do affect us. And part of my release, and my letting go is those words that had been said to me, that was very damaging to me, that caused me harm. That took away my hope, that took away my joy that caused me to fear success that caused me to stay stuck in fear of failing, that caused me to be in a place of always trying to get validation from the ones that I felt should had been there automatically, because you brought me into this world, right to a place of I couldn't find my words anymore. To put them on paper to truly describe, or I was afraid to use my words, that gave me the power that show that I do. I do deserve, write forgiveness, love respect, that I am worthy, right? And that I am a winner in all things in all areas, even in my brokenness. And so being a part is it kind of pushed me to be okay, because it gave me the accountability. Right? You It's kind of like your 1000 miles away. But it's like this sense of connectedness where you pushed in a nurturing kind of way to say, Okay, I understand and that's okay. Right. But you got to get this out of you, Marie. And that was so life saving for me, because it's easy to slip into that isolated, dark place. And to put that code back on that, okay, I'm gonna show up, but I'm still carrying this thing. And so writing and being a part of this project, at this very instrumental time in my life, has been kinda like the distributor later that I need. And not just for this project for every area of my life, and I had no idea I didn't foresee what's going to happen in that journey with my mother. I had been living the journey with losing my daughter. But a part of how my life was being stagnated and repeating these cycles was Yes, I said, I forgave my mother. But I had not let go and release the things that cause me to need the forgiveness right for myself, and take away the blame and the shame for myself and soul. It started out with the light journey of the past into becoming a life story with this next volume in March

Deana Brown Mitchell: Well, I appreciate your vulnerability and your feedback about how it affected you because I think that that the theme through these two books have been and there there will be a lot more but this theme so far, has been okay, I would like to be part of this book and share my story and you know, how to draw attention to something that that I'm whatever causes in each person's life. And I'm going to use my story to help others. And that happens 100%. But what also happens is it helps us, it helps us heal, it helps us process and helps us become more true to ourselves. Because we are talking about real things. And it's hard. It's hard for everybody. I wrote a chapter in this book, I didn't write a chapter in the first book, but I forward. And that was hard. Because we were talking about, you know, the books in general are to prevent suicide prevention, or to prevent suicide and reduce the statistics, by connecting on a human level with people through personal story. And in the first book, I explained why this even matter to me, which was probably one of the hardest things that I've ever done, because I hadn't talked about it for 23 years, nobody really knew what I had gone through. And so this book, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna write a chapter about some totally different. And so it's about invisible scars, like how, what we deal with, that people don't see. And I think that a lot of what you're talking about kind of goes along with that theme. Even though my chapter is very different. It's more about health situations, but it's true. We have, we all have scars that people can't see. And I, I always say like, what if you're, you're on the bus, and there's a stranger sitting next to you, you have no idea what's going on with them, and what's in their head and what they're dealing with, just like you might even not understand what your spouse is dealing with. If it's somebody that's much closer to you, but they still might have things that that forgiveness, or, or things that have plagued them for a long time that they don't talk about. Just like I didn't talk about a suicide attempt for so long. So it's really enlightening. I think, in this book, how much of that kind of stuff we talk about in each chapter, you know, whether it's addiction, or whether it's abuse, or whether it's forgiveness, or whether it's, you know, endometriosis, which is something I wrote about, so you just don't know, what people are dealing with. And it's, it was my way of saying, what we need to be more kind, and what your acts of kindness might mean to someone else might be so much bigger than you can even imagine. Yeah. So do you have any last words shared?

And thank you, because that's true, you're saying? Because even this kind of just brought up just some things that I never shared about, right? And how those invisible scars are there, that sometimes you don't realize, right? And so I know, this book is a little bit different. But even reflecting on the things that affected me where it was easy. I had learned to disappear. Right? My cut off was strong, right? I can be a part of solution, I could just disappear. And I got good at that. Right? But why? Why do I need to disappear when someone else is causing me harm, or has caused me and so I never shared that in, I think preparing for today's interview, just some things begin to recall. Like kind of where the anxiety was coming from, of really living true to my word as that I'm stepping into a next where I'm completely showing up all of me, no longer being ashamed of any part of me at any level of me. And there's so many different areas of me that people don't know, and they have not seen. And so when I do show it, they're surprised like, Oh, I didn't, it's always been there. But I always hit it right because I didn't feel like it was valuable. Even remembering. Those are times that I had to visit my mom as a young child in the hospital because I do remember the times that my mom had attended, taking her life, right? But not knowing what that was about truly. And so even showing up even though I wasn't part of the first book in the second Faiyum, this stills brings me to this place okay, I have to allow that scar to heal because it comes in my mind and a lot of people don't understand why I can go into a space and they don't hear from me in the Don't see for me, because I have to remember that those were the places I was pushed in even as 11 year old hyoe. I had got so good at disappearing Well, I had to be, it was always that I was, I was made to stay isolated from everyone. But it had got so bad that Edie Lavin and I had never shared this. My mom was always sick. And so she always kept a medicine cabinet full of pills. And I remember one day I went in, and I took a whole bunch of these meals. Right? And I was sleeping out of here. And my mother never figured it out. She just kept on trying to wake me out why you're not hearing indoor? What's wrong with you? It just kept being the same pattern and behavior like, Oh, you're just not want and you know, and I was at 11 years old, and she never figured it. And there's times I think about that. And I'm grateful that there was something bigger and greater than me, that kept me and say, It's not time because there's something greater for you. Right? And so when I think about those times, I sat there and said, Why me? Why me why I have to go through this, why has been so hard. I think about those times that it could not have been me, especially in this time where we as adults, we want everybody to respect our pain and our journey and what we're going through. And we got the young people right next to us, our own children and our friends, children and just children walking down the street. And they've already decided that tomorrow is loud for me. And they had this plan, it was so busy being the authority figures that were not listening. In Seoul. When my door pass, and she's been gone, a lot of times reflect on the times that she probably was considering that this world didn't deserve her. And she was going through so much. And I just was trying to be the parent and be the best. And there was time to sit back and listen to the cries and the behaviors as she had that she was screaming, you know. And to the point where I truly feel that when that time came in, there was a decision about fighting and staying in letting go in leaving, she chose not to let go and leave because it's probably something better on this so daily, even that that's just a push for me even. This is just the beginning of exposing and allowing other people to see beyond what they see that it's a daily work. It's a daily push, it's a daily process of forgiving me, not just the things that people in situations that's causing harm and keeping me What is forgiving me so that my next it's greater, it's lighter, it's more fulfilling, and I can live like truly live in that just exist and no longer run, no longer hide, no longer allowing other people to be comfortable, because I've removed myself but allowing them to be uncomfortable so that they can be accountable for their actions in causing someone else's harm and wanting to give up.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, thank you for sharing. Unless you know it's okay.

I had those curry I prayed and I was like just let me be able to

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yeah, that's okay. I just related I related to a lot of what you said because I don't know if I'm gonna go into all that but I just I really, when I woke up in the hospital in 1987 I didn't really want to be there. I was angry. And now I look back and understand all of it. So much better. It's a crying interview. But it's okay

I'm not sorry, because that's only tearing it off that I've always been ashamed of right? Because I didn't feel that what I brought to the table was worthy but that heal a part of To me, right? It's like, we all deserve to be here. We all deserve to experience that. And so I've heard that place, right? I've often nuggets on it. But then when people come back and say, Oh my God, and oh, this and you and this, and I'm like me how that happened, because I'm all table not in here. But part of this next for me is being okay with that and showing up and saying, Hey, we're gonna heal, you're gonna heal. And we're going to do it together, however you see fit in however uncomfortable, I'm here for you. And yeah, and I'm okay with.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Yes, that's awesome. It's it's incredible. Knowing, what I know about your story. And see where you are. It's awesome. And it doesn't mean we're finished doesn't mean that, you know, it's all perfect roses yet. But I definitely think both of us have come very far in these journeys. And, and there's, there's good on the other side. And I love your theme up next. Anyway, so we're having this conversation today. There's somebody out there and probably more than one person that really needed to hear this. So thank you for sharing. And, and I hope that anyone listening will join us for the book launch and learn more about all of the authors and their stories, and how they can help so many people. And it's going to be on September 22 at 1pm Mountain Time, which is 3pm. Eastern, and it will be about few hours. And you can register at our website, which is realizefoundation.org is right below this video and go to the events tab and you can register for free or you can register with a donation that we would greatly appreciate. So either way we hope we get to see you there. And I'm going to take the trend and I out of the stream so we can show you what the books gonna look like and then we hope to to hear from you.