The Color of My Soul | Linda Lauridsen

Deana Brown Mitchell: Hello, it's Deana Mitchell at the realize Foundation. And I'm here with Linda Lauridsen, who's one of our authors for this September 2022 book. So welcome, Linda.

Thank you. Hi, Deana.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Good to see you. So if you are watching this and don't know what this is all about, we are publishing the second Scars to Stars book, which benefits The Realize Foundation, which is all about suicide prevention. And we have a different approach. We talk about conversations and community and personal story, and how those human connections can help people feel like they're not alone and feel like someone else has walked in their shoes. And there is hope. And so that's what we're all about. And our books are a compilation of personal stories of all different kinds of obstacles in life. And we've had a huge outpouring over on the first one, and we're super excited to launch this one on September 22. So when that I have two questions for you, I didn't know that. But my first question is, tell us a little bit about your chapter.

Well, my chapter is, at a time when I was quite young and naive. And it's before I had a real grasp of what was going on with the world. And instead, the experience of having a community and having that sense of comfort, having a sense of familiarity, and not ever questioning where you're going, what you're doing, who was with you, and how we didn't, you know, we we could say we could take it for granted. But I was too young to understand what being taken for granted meant or experienced with that. So once I was removed from that community, and lost that sense of comfort and familiarity, many things that came after that. And I think there's a lot of things people can really relate to because change is inevitable. We know this as we get older, but when you're younger, and you're put into it for the first time, basically, that change in the unraveling of everything, and the effects of people around you. People you don't know, people tend to judge you from the outside. And I want to just you internally, what it reflects on the outside, and how you can carry that around with you for a really long time. And, you know, it really was my way of understanding who I was and where I wanted to go in life so that I could stop experiencing that loneliness and the isolation that came with change.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Thank you for sharing that I relate to several things in your story. So I'll have to talk to you about that later. But the moving, I moved, I think at age seven, to a more remote place. So really, you've read when I read your story, so hope other people, it, there's so many things that you learn from, from that kind of change, like you said, me having moved. I've moved 51 times since high school. So Wow. Yeah, and I'm 52 now and I'm ready to buy another house and like never move again. That's what I keep saying. But anyway, I'm getting off track. So my second question for you is, what was your experience like writing your story and being part of this project?

You know, when you asked me to be a part of this, I can honestly say, I didn't know what I was signing up for. There was a lot of things I think as entrepreneurs you know, we're like, okay, I want to read a book and I want to do this and I want to do that and we have a list of things we want to do. And when presented with them quite often we often say yes, and then figure it out after and when you said just share a story from your life. I wasn't really sure where to begin and I had to do a bit of deep dive to try to figure out you know, there's big ones there's little ones I think that there's outside scars and inside scars that we could all choose. And when I started writing this story, it started to unravel for me and and then why went into it. The more I started picking out nuances and and a feeling and going through the motions again. As the older me that I, you know, I could process it now and I could understand it better now. And yet I allowed that eight year old and me 11 year old and me the voice, the voice to say, No, I really felt isolated. I felt alone, I felt humiliated. I felt embarrassed, I felt, and allow her to talk, allow that little person inside of me to say, hey, you know what this is when I was at that time. It had never occurred to me to share from that perspective, before, you know, we all tell stories like oh, yeah, once upon a time. And yeah, that happened to me in the past, and was skim over it. And so this really gave that little girl inside me the chance to share English raw voice and allow her to say, how she felt and be heard. And it was some of the greatest emotions I let go of and allowed to come out. It was great journaling. To be honest, you know, I've never really understood the concept of a story, to share your story, and the impact that it can have. By sharing it was vulnerable, but it was also strangely healing. Really, really cathartic? Yeah.

Deana Brown Mitchell: So glad to hear that. Yeah, we were talking earlier with Christina. And we are saying the same thing. Now we, you know, share our story, because we think it can help someone else. And we don't realize how much it's going to help us. And I think that journaling did that for me. Before all of this craziness started, I, I started journaling. And after I closed my business in 2020, and, and I sent out the first book launch, people kept telling me, you should journal you just journal, I was like, I don't have time for that. But when I started doing it, it really changed everything. Because it was like that, that overwhelm and exhaustion, and sometimes depression, and you know, not sleeping well. And all these things, it's because we have so much going on in our head. And when we journal, we get it out of our head. And it helps us process it. And it helps us to move on. And it helps us to, you know, have a different outlook on things. And it Yeah, no life, for sure.

It really did. I read the story to my daughter. And it was buckling on a strand shared with her, you know. And she isn't she has a great grasp of English and grammar. And she's always been my editor if I was ever to write an article or something, and I have no formal training on writing. And as much as I really enjoy creative writing, I certainly didn't have any background. So she would be polite and kind of somebody else get mom, you know, and you kind of get that, oh, okay, I guess I need to work on this. And I read the story to her and was very vulnerable, because I was reading it from the 11 year olds perspective and sharing it to her as a child. And sometimes we forget that, you know, we're tapping into other people's, you know, stuff that is needing them that where they are. And maybe they know realize that's where it was. And we talked afterwards. And should Where'd that come from, you know, and so we got to be able to have a conversation about the story have a conversation about where it was and what was going on. And, and I read it to my best friend who is in the story. And you know, those are the two most important people in my life. who I know have my back and and if they said to me, Okay, forget it. You're not writing. That's pretty good. But somebody's got story. It was gonna take them at their word, right? I'd be like, okay, find something else. And ENL I don't think that they realize, and nobody does. The story that we tell ourselves inside agent, our interpretation of a story. And interpretation of the way that we see things is always it's good at web and flow, right? It's ebb and flow. And it's going to change over time. But identifying the emotions and getting those out to your point of what you're saying about getting stuff out of your head. You don't realize that they just, you know, they attach tentacles around your hearts. And, you know, releasing that stuff finally gives you a place to, you know, breathe deeper, and then achieve that goal of sharing this story and creating another community of people who feel like they can put their hand up and say I have a story, and I'd like to share it too.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Absolutely. That's the purpose. So that's why we're here. I think it's, you know, the reason this whole journey started was because I spent 23 years being silent about a suicide attempt. And the thing that brought me out of that was losing a friend that I known for a long time. And some of you listening may know the story. But to make a long story short, the feeling I had when my friend died, and that I felt like I could have helped him that fueled all of this, because I did not ever want to be in another situation where I had someone who knew me, who felt like they had no reason or lives, and I had not reached them with a message. And so that's what started this whole journey. And I think that, you know, for me, the reason I stayed silent for so long is because I didn't feel like it was okay to talk about it. It didn't feel like anybody wanted to hear it. I didn't. It's not that I didn't think anybody else in the world felt like I felt, but I just never had the right outlet in my life, to have the conversation. And, you know, when I woke up in the hospital in 1987, the doctor sent me home. Like, they, they just let me walk out of hospital, they didn't do anything except give me a doctor's name to follow up with. And all he wanted to do is put me on medication. Wow. And so nobody gave me a diagnosis. Nobody was like, Why are you feeling you know, there was there was no evaluation, I guess, in a sense that they would have evaluated a broken arm or something else. And I think that that's what kept me silent for so long is that, you know, people back then were like, Oh, you think of suicide and crazy mental health and sane asylums. Like, that's what you think of back then. And I think we've come a long way. And I think we still have a long way to go. But like you're saying, it could be as much as you know, it could be a kid being bullied in school. And it can be a business owner who is at the end of their rope and in financial stress, and it's affecting their family, and they don't know what to do. I mean, there's such a large spectrum of people who deal with suicidal ideation. And my feeling is that we need a hotline, we need therapists, we need medications for certain people that that need those things. But my picture of the broader human race is that you and connection, connecting with someone else who has a similar story, connecting with someone, and having a conversation, that has been where you are changes everything,

Everything. Everything, knowing you're not alone, is, you know, you know, it's always a soul to soul connection, you know, we walk past people, and we can smile at them. But you know, you want to just know that you've got that connection to somebody, and it doesn't necessarily need to be in your space, just knowing that there's a story out there that similar somebody else understands what you're saying, and gets where you where you're coming from. And it is, it's, you know, it's just such an honor to be a part of this book, Deena, because, you know, as much that, you know, I kind of focused on isolation and humiliation, because that, I didn't realize how big a piece that was when I was growing up. And you know, that that was, you can carry that with you, as you say, you don't even realize that just puts a veil in front of your eyes, you know, and you can see through it, but everything's dark.

Deana Brown Mitchell: And that's true. There's lots of different things that make us isolate. And once we do, it's harder to get out of that, that trend or that routine that we've programmed for ourselves. And

It's true.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Well, I am so glad you're part of this book, and I loved your story. And I think that, you know, even the younger generation could really relate to the story that you wrote, where a lot of us write adult stories, and maybe they're not really good for kids to read in some in some instances, but I think yours is one that really could maybe help teens and people in high school that are going through things because the teen suicide rate it's been rising and it's just horrible. rule situation. There's a there's a big event happening on September 10. That's really targeted to teens. That's not our organization, but it's someone who I've been in touch with. And I'm going to be promoting that on our channels too, because they are really important. But that's not my expertise to talk to younger people about this. But I am happy to do whatever I can to help. And I think your story might be one that that we could share to a different audience than then some of the people who would normally read our book.

Yeah, I. I mean, you know, I didn't really stop to think of it from that perspective, that that's a really good point. You know, I think, I think everyone's been there at some point in time in their life, and I never realized how much that shaped me into my adulthood. And yeah, it made for made for a really clear picture when I understood it and unraveled it, and, you know, finally, finally got pen to paper sort of thing. And, you know, if it can help one person, Deena Yeah, it's been, it's been good out, then it's been worth every minute of it. And, and it was, it was personally wonderful to, to share it and to let it out. And, you know, to be able to be a part of this experience, because I think you've given a great gift to a lot of people to have the opportunity to hear their story and to find their story. And to let it out.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Well, thank you, I think it was, it all started because I was looking for an outlet. And I think I'm just very thankful of all the people who've been involved from the beginning. And, and just the stories and the things people have overcome, is pretty amazing.

Unbelievable. The stories are phenomenal. Every chapter has been, you know, some sense of relation, right? You can relate to something that they're, they're sharing, you've maybe never walked in their shoes like that. But you know, you can tap into the emotions. That's why we're human right? And to help to realize you're not alone, which is exactly I think what you said, and

Deana Brown Mitchell: it's certainly it's even a hint of something that will help us in the future that we don't even know about yet. Because you notice when you write about things we haven't been through, but maybe, maybe we will go through those things when they and, and will already have that knowledge. And no, no, I think it's all helpful. And I I'm just I'm just super excited about the group of people who have come together for both of the books and the future ones that are in the works. And I think I've already heard so many stories about impact from from the one we released in February. And just, you know, people buying books to donate to jails, and to homeless shelters, and to, you know, just other organizations that that have people that need this. And so I'm just thankful to everyone involved, everyone who's bought a book, everyone who's shared a book, a lot of people have bought them and read it and then handed it off and kind of, you know, handed it off. And so we put in a new page in our second book, in the beginning that says if you're going to share, please leave a note for the next person or sentence and brilliant have a little more connection to our community. And I'm excited. I'm really excited to

build a smart, that's awesome, I think. I mean, this experience is done so much and will continue to because of your leadership and you know, the mission that the belief Foundation has created, you're going to help so many people already have.

Deana Brown Mitchell: Well, thank you in. And for all of you watching, I would like to tell you, you can go to the realizefoundation.org website and go to the events tab. And you can see our book launch events as well as other events. They're all virtual. So anybody can join. You can join for free, you can join for a donation. It's completely up to you. And we hope to see you at our book launch.