Sept. 24, 2024

Building Better Leaders: A Deep Dive with Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching | RR 277

Building Better Leaders: A Deep Dive with Kim Ades of Frame of Mind Coaching | RR 277

Have you ever felt stuck in your leadership journey, craving a breakthrough but unsure of where to start?

I had the incredible opportunity to interview Kim Ades, the founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and co-founder of The Journal That Talks Back. For over 20 years, Kim has been a trailblazer in the realm of leadership coaching, meticulously fine-tuning a unique coaching approach that has changed lives. Her method, involving intensive journaling and weekly coaching calls, offers a deep and transformative experience aimed at addressing feelings of isolation, chronic dissatisfaction, and internal and external friction. Through her work, Kim helps highly driven leaders, executives, and entrepreneurs shift their thinking towards a more fulfilling and impactful life, emphasizing curiosity, intuition, and a robust process/system in coaching.

Kim shares poignant stories, including one about a young man battling stage 4 cancer who wanted coaching to secure his mother's financial future. Despite his grim prognosis, Kim's intervention helped him alleviate stress, leading to remarkable achievements like running marathons and climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. This story encapsulates Kim's message: exceptional leaders are resourceful, relentless in challenging their beliefs, and see beyond limits, not bound by competition but creating new opportunities.

Kim also touches on her personal and professional journey, from owning a simulation-based assessment company to her current right-brain focus on people and performance. Her insights into hiring great coaches, the importance of personal development, and the role of curiosity—shaped by those around us—offer valuable lessons for anyone looking to enhance their leadership and live a more enriched life.

Connect with Kim:

Email: kim@frameofmindcaoching.com

Website: https://www.frameofmindcoaching.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FOMcoaching/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/frameofmindcoaching

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kimades

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeeJ8fSIjJNk5e8esyUTraQ

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kimades


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Transcript
Janice Porter:

Kim, Hello everyone, and welcome to this



Janice Porter:

episode of relationships rule. I have a wonderful guest with me



Janice Porter:

today, Kim Addis. And Kim and I just met recently, but I feel



Janice Porter:

like it was so easy to talk to her when we first met that I'm



Janice Porter:

excited about the interview and getting to know her and letting



Janice Porter:

you get to know her expertise and her secret sauce, if you



Janice Porter:

will. Kim is the founder of frame of mind coaching and the



Janice Porter:

co founder of the journal that talks back. She has been a



Janice Porter:

pioneer in her field of leadership coaching and thought



Janice Porter:

mastery for, I think, over 20 years now. But I don't want to



Janice Porter:

say anymore. I want you to tell me, Kim, I want you to tell my



Janice Porter:

audience. So what is? Because I know over time, people change



Janice Porter:

their their focus, or they may change their audience, or what,



Janice Porter:

what is of interest in, in and the going thing? Let's say so,



Janice Porter:

what is it that you're doing right now and who are you



Janice Porter:

serving right now? That's exciting you the most. Okay,



Kim Ades:

well, first of all, thank you for having me on your



Kim Ades:

podcast. I'm delighted to be here now. Who are we serving? We



Kim Ades:

have historically served the, what we call the highly driven



Kim Ades:

population, and typically they are leaders, executives,



Kim Ades:

entrepreneurs, and for us, in any industry, in any place in



Kim Ades:

the world, really, we coach them all. But it's that type, a



Kim Ades:

personality, the person who has a lot going on, the person who's



Kim Ades:

the high achiever, the person who always feels like there's



Kim Ades:

more that they want to achieve, that's our client. But recently,



Kim Ades:

or instead of the word but, I'll say and recently. I mean, again,



Kim Ades:

we've we've always coached and trained individuals to learn our



Kim Ades:

coaching methodology. But recently, we're taking that to a



Kim Ades:

whole other level. We are now teaching coaches in the world



Kim Ades:

how to use our approach, our as you say, secret sauce in their



Kim Ades:

coaching as well. So that's what we're up to. So



Janice Porter:

that's now more specifically coaching coaches,



Janice Porter:

right?



Kim Ades:

So in addition to coaching leaders, executives and



Kim Ades:

entrepreneurs, we've always coached leaders and taught them



Kim Ades:

how to coach, but now we're teaching coaches how to use our



Kim Ades:

very unique approach to coaching so that they can deliver



Kim Ades:

transformational, phenomenal, off the charts coaching. Yeah,



Janice Porter:

you, I think one of the taglines on your website



Janice Porter:

was shift your thinking towards a more fulfilling life. But it's



Janice Porter:

also shifting and using these tools. And am I right to say



Janice Porter:

that it's that it's based on your journal, your



Kim Ades:

job? That's right, that's right. So one of the



Kim Ades:

things about that, yeah, so when we so like, let's characterize



Kim Ades:

the people we coach for a minute, they have a few things



Kim Ades:

in common, right? So number one is they're very isolated. They



Kim Ades:

have the weight of the world on their shoulders, and they carry



Kim Ades:

that heavily. But what that also means is they don't trust



Kim Ades:

everybody with their most intimate, personal challenges or



Kim Ades:

struggles. So they live very in a very isolated way. They may be



Kim Ades:

around a lot of people, but that doesn't necessarily mean that



Kim Ades:

they that they trust everybody with what's truly, deeply



Kim Ades:

important to them.



Janice Porter:

Can you stop there for a second, because I



Janice Porter:

just clarified the isolated. Are they isolated because they're



Janice Porter:

smarter than everybody else, and they think differently to



Janice Porter:

everybody else, and are they because they're in the position



Janice Porter:

that they're in there? Okay, so, so



Kim Ades:

sometimes it's positional, yeah, positionally



Kim Ades:

related, right? But what it boils down to is they have a lot



Kim Ades:

of responsibility, and yes, they delegate, but they feel that at



Kim Ades:

the end of the day, the buck stops here, and there's not a



Kim Ades:

lot of people that they can lean on truly to to pick up some of



Kim Ades:

that burden. And so whatever it is, they spend a lot of time



Kim Ades:

thinking they don't necessarily share what's happening inside of



Kim Ades:

them, or



Janice Porter:

their fears that would show their vulnerability.



Janice Porter:

Yeah, exactly,



Kim Ades:

exactly. So, so they're not isolated physically,



Kim Ades:

but they're isolated maybe intellectually and very often



Kim Ades:

emotionally. Yes. So that's thing number one. Thing number



Kim Ades:

two is they are people who have friction with others, and let me



Kim Ades:

qualify that, they have two kinds of friction. Sometimes



Kim Ades:

it's obvious external friction, like, you know, they get into



Kim Ades:

battle with others. Maybe they're raising their voices,



Kim Ades:

they're very obviously in a state of conflict, right? So



Kim Ades:

that happens, but more. Often than not, they have friction



Kim Ades:

that is silent. So other people aren't moving fast enough,



Kim Ades:

working fast enough. They're not on the same page. They don't



Kim Ades:

have the same sense of urgency. They don't get it. And so they



Kim Ades:

they often just hold that in because they have other things



Kim Ades:

that are perhaps more important, but they see that other people



Kim Ades:

around them are not rowing in the same direction, and don't



Kim Ades:

even understand sometimes the direction they're heading in.



Kim Ades:

And so that causes a lot of internal strife and and so



Kim Ades:

again, they're ill at ease with that friction, and that could be



Kim Ades:

professional and or personal as well, right? So you we just see,



Kim Ades:

like, it's very, very clear that there's this thing going on



Kim Ades:

outside of them with others. The third thing that we see is that,



Kim Ades:

again, they're highly driven individuals who have a lot to



Kim Ades:

achieve, and they're not satisfied. So they have this



Kim Ades:

sense of Chronic dissatisfaction with where they're at, and so



Kim Ades:

they feel like we should be further, we should move faster.



Kim Ades:

What's going on, what's wrong, what's taking so long, what's



Kim Ades:

wrong with them, what's wrong with me. Maybe now they have a



Kim Ades:

little bit of self doubt. You know, maybe I'm not cut out for



Kim Ades:

this. Maybe I'm not the right leader. Maybe somebody else



Kim Ades:

should fill in. Maybe, you know, I don't have the right team.



Kim Ades:

Maybe I'm not giving the right orders, whatever it is, right



Kim Ades:

like they just, they're all over the place. And then last, but



Kim Ades:

not least, it's a term that I invented. They have something



Kim Ades:

called slippage. What is slippage? Slippage is when they



Kim Ades:

let important things slip through the cracks, things like



Kim Ades:

their health, their sleep, their nutrition, their overall well



Kim Ades:

being, their friendships, their fun. They're just, you know,



Kim Ades:

they're not taking care of their lives, and they're letting



Kim Ades:

really critical things slip through the cracks. So that's



Kim Ades:

the character that we coach, right? Like, that's that's the



Kim Ades:

nature of who we coach. And so one of the defining items of



Kim Ades:

these people is that they need to move fast. They like speed,



Kim Ades:

yeah, so when they're working with a coach, they don't want it



Kim Ades:

to take a year to get to where they want to go. They want it to



Kim Ades:

happen faster. So what we've done is we've created a very



Kim Ades:

intensive, immersive, very high touch coaching experience that



Kim Ades:

takes them far in a short period of time. So we assign them to a



Kim Ades:

coach. I've got a team of coaches and and they start



Kim Ades:

working with their coach. There's a call every week with



Kim Ades:

their coach, and we record every call so that they could listen



Kim Ades:

to the recordings and hear themselves speak. They can hear



Kim Ades:

what they're saying, how they're saying it. They can start to



Kim Ades:

become observers of themselves. And so this, the insight they



Kim Ades:

gather from that process is really, Stark. But then in



Kim Ades:

between every single call, we also ask them to journal in a



Kim Ades:

private and secure online journal with their coach every



Kim Ades:

day. So what happens is, at the beginning of the week, they



Kim Ades:

receive a journaling question or a journaling prompt and they



Kim Ades:

journal. And then each time they journal, their coach reads and



Kim Ades:

responds to the journal and wow. And what happens is that the



Kim Ades:

coach really, really gets to know their clients, and they're



Kim Ades:

able to start picking up patterns, patterns of behavior,



Kim Ades:

beliefs, perspectives, you know, behaviors, all of that. And so



Kim Ades:

with that information, the coach is equipped to take them far



Kim Ades:

quickly.



Janice Porter:

Wow, yeah, that's very intense and and, do you



Janice Porter:

find that that the, okay, the people that come to you, are



Janice Porter:

they writers or journalists, journal writers, to begin with,



Janice Porter:

or are they learning this as they go?



Kim Ades:

Yeah. I mean, we are all nowadays. We're all texters



Kim Ades:

and emailers, we're all used to writing, right? So what it is,



Kim Ades:

is you're writing with someone else. That's it. So don't think



Kim Ades:

of it as you know anybody who needs to have a writing degree



Kim Ades:

or a journalism degree or you know that's not what we're



Kim Ades:

after. We're after a person who's able to write down their



Kim Ades:

thoughts and experiences. That's it. So just curious



Janice Porter:

with the the journaling back and forth with



Janice Porter:

the coach. Are those prompts or questions that the coach puts



Janice Porter:

out there? Are they individual based on what they've learned



Janice Porter:

initially from that



Kim Ades:

question? Yeah, so I love that question. Thank you.



Kim Ades:

So we have a journey that we take our clients on so we're



Kim Ades:

asking a specific set of questions designed to extract



Kim Ades:

specific data, but the data you will supply me is different from



Kim Ades:

the data anybody else will supply me. So now what happens



Kim Ades:

is, you know, you give me what I need, and now we're on an



Kim Ades:

individual journey, right? So there's, you know, yes, the



Kim Ades:

questions once a week are similar from person to person,



Kim Ades:

but in between, when you're journaling, now I'm asking you



Kim Ades:

questions about your specific situation, your specific life.



Kim Ades:

So there's nothing standardized about this. It's all a very



Kim Ades:

unique experience for every person that goes through it,



Kim Ades:

right? Wow,



Janice Porter:

that's great. And do you match people as best?



Janice Porter:

Yes, okay,



Kim Ades:

yes, exactly. So I have an intake call with them,



Kim Ades:

and I learn about them, what's going on, what are they like? I



Kim Ades:

get a very strong sense for people very quickly. And then I



Kim Ades:

think about who would be the best coach for them based on



Kim Ades:

their experience, their personality, the way they



Kim Ades:

respond to things, all of that



Janice Porter:

that's pretty again, that's that's a great



Janice Porter:

responsibility that you take on, because especially if, and I



Janice Porter:

know, you coach executives, senior leaders and



Janice Porter:

entrepreneurs, just right and so it's not so much the the status



Janice Porter:

of their position, it's the people are people, but in some



Janice Porter:

cases, if they're they're probably playing paying big



Janice Porter:

money to do this with you, and it's a big responsibility, so



Janice Porter:

you have to get a quick win for them, I would imagine. So making



Janice Porter:

that right fit is important right making



Kim Ades:

the right fit is very important for them, but it's not



Kim Ades:

hard to do, and there are many reasons why it's not hard.



Kim Ades:

Number one is our coaches are phenomenal. Every single one of



Kim Ades:

them, they're extremely well trained. They're seasoned. And



Kim Ades:

so if I put you in any one of them, their hands, capable



Kim Ades:

hands, you're in good hands, but now I can also do a good job of



Kim Ades:

matching, and I've been doing this for 20 years, so it's very



Kim Ades:

instinctive at this point, like I can just, I can just know



Kim Ades:

very, very easily who the right fit would be for each person



Kim Ades:

that I encounter. And 20 years, like, I've been wrong maybe



Kim Ades:

three or four times, and we've coached hundreds and hundreds of



Kim Ades:

people. So



Janice Porter:

based on you talked about the struggles that



Janice Porter:

that your your clients have, your typical client has, how do



Janice Porter:

you how do you see like, what are the the, let's say, three



Janice Porter:

key thinking strategies that exceptional leaders have or have



Janice Porter:

to work towards.



Kim Ades:

Yeah, that's great. So So number one is that they focus



Kim Ades:

on what they want. And so a lot of times when there's a problem,



Kim Ades:

what do leaders do? They focus on what's wrong. They focus on



Kim Ades:

the problem. They focus on why we have a problem. They focus on



Kim Ades:

all the things that are going wrong. And what we see is



Kim Ades:

exceptional leaders really focus on what they want and solutions



Kim Ades:

to problems. So that's thing, number one. Thing number two is



Kim Ades:

that you're going to think that this is very obvious, but it's



Kim Ades:

not but exceptional leaders are resourceful in a way that other



Kim Ades:

people are not. And what I really mean by that is they have



Kim Ades:

a way of thinking about resources that is different. In



Kim Ades:

their minds, any resource is accessible to them. They never



Kim Ades:

say it costs too much we can't afford that. They never think in



Kim Ades:

those terms. They think, what do we need? I'm going to go get it



Kim Ades:

and it's out there. So they think there's, there's never a



Kim Ades:

shortage of money, talent, time. There's no shortage. Everything



Kim Ades:

is there and everything is at their disposal. And whereas



Kim Ades:

other people who struggle, leaders, who aren't at that top,



Kim Ades:

top end of the game, they they think in terms of shortage and



Kim Ades:

scarcity. And then the last thing that we see is that these



Kim Ades:

extraordinary leaders are always always challenging their



Kim Ades:

beliefs. They're always asking themselves. K so I feel like



Kim Ades:

we're challenged in this department, what are the beliefs



Kim Ades:

that we have that are causing us to feel this challenge? And



Kim Ades:

perhaps those beliefs need to be turned around or turned upside



Kim Ades:

down. So they're the think about their thinking, and they



Kim Ades:

question whether or not they are thinking in a way that helps



Kim Ades:

them achieve their goals with ease. So they're constantly, you



Kim Ades:

know, I wouldn't say having an internal battle, but they're



Kim Ades:

questioning is that the right way of thinking about what we're



Kim Ades:

trying to achieve.



Janice Porter:

So I think that probably what 98% of the people



Janice Porter:

out there have limited beliefs, and so it's those exceptional



Janice Porter:

leaders that don't see the world that way. And it is. It's a hard



Janice Porter:

thing to it can be a hard thing to to change to, or it can be



Janice Porter:

easy. It's, I don't know, like, I mean, it's, I know that I



Janice Porter:

limit myself a lot more than I need to. But I also, and I also



Janice Porter:

think that it's, um, it's pro Oh, what was I just gonna say,



Janice Porter:

it's probably about. See, it's all tied in with seeing the



Janice Porter:

world as there isn't competition. There's enough out



Janice Porter:

there for all of us. Just let's go and get what we need.



Kim Ades:

Yeah, absolutely. And to be honest, like when, when we



Kim Ades:

think about the competitive. It a field. They say, Okay, you



Kim Ades:

play in that ballpark. I'm going to go create a new ballpark.



Kim Ades:

Yeah, right. So, so competition is fodder for creativity in



Kim Ades:

many, many ways.



Janice Porter:

Fantastic. Would you do you ever come across



Janice Porter:

clients that are non coachable? Of



Kim Ades:

course, yeah, my mother in laws. One of them,



Kim Ades:

okay, got it? No. I mean, of course. I mean, just some people



Kim Ades:

have wrapped their arms around their way of life, their way of



Kim Ades:

looking at things, and and, and they do it because it's they



Kim Ades:

feel safer doing that and so, and that's fine, but those



Kim Ades:

people don't really come to me for coaching, right? Like



Kim Ades:

they're not lining up outside my door, and they know my style,



Kim Ades:

they know my approach. You know they come to me because they're



Kim Ades:

ready to look at the world differently. They're ready for



Kim Ades:

change, and they're tired of the status quo, and that's why



Kim Ades:

people reach out to me in particular. That's



Janice Porter:

must be really rewarding to see the change in



Janice Porter:

your clients that they want it badly, and then they work with



Janice Porter:

your your coaches, and they see that change. Do you have a story



Janice Porter:

that you can share of that transness?



Kim Ades:

I have so many stories, but I'll tell you one



Kim Ades:

of my favorites. Um, years ago, I was working with a client, and



Kim Ades:

he said, I have a referral for you. I want you to coach a very



Kim Ades:

good friend of mine, but it's very important that you treat



Kim Ades:

him with kid gloves. And I was a bit surprised, because I'm not,



Kim Ades:

I don't have kid gloves when I coach. I'm very direct. And I



Kim Ades:

said, Well, why? Why would you say that? Why would you position



Kim Ades:

it that way? And he said, Well, he's in his early 30s, and he



Kim Ades:

has stage four cancer. Oh, wow. So I got on the phone with this,



Kim Ades:

this young man, and I said, Okay, I have two questions for



Kim Ades:

you. Question number one is, how long do you have left to live?



Kim Ades:

And it's a hard question to ask. Like, I felt like I had to,



Kim Ades:

like, muster up courage to do that, right, especially if you



Kim Ades:

don't know him, especially if you don't know him. But he he



Kim Ades:

responded, and I think that question, in and of itself, like



Kim Ades:

having the courage to ask him, created a connection. Where he



Kim Ades:

said, who else is going to ask me that a question, right? Like



Kim Ades:

that. But he said, I'm not sure. I'm guessing I have about a two



Kim Ades:

year window. I believe that I've already lived longer than I was



Kim Ades:

meant to live. I'm on all these experimental drugs, and so far,



Kim Ades:

they've worked, but I don't think they're going to work that



Kim Ades:

much longer. And so I said, Okay, well, what is it that you



Kim Ades:

want to achieve as a result of coaching? He said, Well, what I



Kim Ades:

really want from you is I want you to help me increase my



Kim Ades:

productivity. And I thought, gee, if I only had two years



Kim Ades:

left to live, would I be worried about my productivity? Probably



Kim Ades:

not. And so I said, Well, why is that important to you? He said,



Kim Ades:

well, because I am an only child of a single mom, and I want to



Kim Ades:

grow my business and sell it so that I have enough money to



Kim Ades:

leave behind so she's in a good place. I said, Great. I said,



Kim Ades:

let me ask you another question. What do you really? Really want



Kim Ades:

more than anything? He said, Well, what I want is more time,



Kim Ades:

and I want to travel, and I want to take my mom on a great



Kim Ades:

vacation, and I want to have a wonderful relationship, and I



Kim Ades:

want to buy a house, and I want to run a marathon, and I do want



Kim Ades:

to sell my company, and I want to make sure my mom's in a good



Kim Ades:

financial place. I said, Well, why don't we do that instead?



Kim Ades:

And we started to work together, and what I discovered was type A



Kim Ades:

personality. He owned a financial services valuation



Kim Ades:

company, and he was the guy who brought every single sale in the



Kim Ades:

door. He was the guy who looked over every single paper that



Kim Ades:

went out the door and make made sure every I was dotted and T



Kim Ades:

was crossed. And I saw he was working really hard. And I said



Kim Ades:

to him, You know what, we need to talk about hiring people. And



Kim Ades:

he said, I can't hire people. I can't afford to hire people. But



Kim Ades:

in my mind, I thought, your life is at stake. You can't afford



Kim Ades:

not to hire people like you can't keep going like this. I



Kim Ades:

thought to myself, my job is to help him lower his stress. I



Janice Porter:

was just gonna say stress must be much higher



Janice Porter:

while he's working. Yeah, exactly,



Kim Ades:

so that he could have a fighting chance with those



Kim Ades:

experimental drugs, so we work together. He ended up hiring



Kim Ades:

quite a few people, right? We helped him see how that was



Kim Ades:

possible. But now it's eight years later.



Janice Porter:

Oh my goodness. Eight years later, he



Kim Ades:

still has stage four cancer, and he's still fighting



Kim Ades:

the fight. But he took his mom on two great vacations. He got



Kim Ades:

married, he sold half of his company and then bought it back.



Kim Ades:

He bought a house. He ran a marathon. In fact, he climbed



Kim Ades:

Mount Kilimanjaro, and he just had a baby,



Janice Porter:

Mazel, tov. Oh, my god, yeah. Oh, that is a



Janice Porter:

beautiful story.



Kim Ades:

It's a beautiful. Sorry, but what we needed to do



Kim Ades:

was help him think a little bit differently about his business



Kim Ades:

and what was possible, because at the rate he was going right,



Kim Ades:

he was holding the whole entire company on his shoulders by



Kim Ades:

himself.



Janice Porter:

Yeah, it was about thinking differently about



Janice Porter:

his company and his priorities.



Kim Ades:

That's right, yeah, that's right. His



Janice Porter:

life is so short. I went to so short. I was at a



Janice Porter:

celebration of life yesterday, and it was for someone who, you



Janice Porter:

know, had lived a good life. It was actually his 80th birthday



Janice Porter:

yesterday would have been and he had been struggling with



Janice Porter:

Parkinson's for several, several years, and it finally got the



Janice Porter:

best of him. But when they did the, you know, the video and and



Janice Porter:

the speakers talking about his his life, I mean, he'd had a



Janice Porter:

wonderful life, you had to celebrate it. There was that was



Janice Porter:

all you could do. He retired at 47 because he sold, he and his



Janice Porter:

partners had a company Ticketmaster in Canada, and they



Janice Porter:

sold, wow, yeah. So he didn't have to work anymore, and so he



Janice Porter:

and his family had a wonderful life. But you know, priorities



Janice Porter:

when you're sick are completely different, and so you have to



Janice Porter:

see things differently.



Kim Ades:

That's right, you have to see things differently. Yeah,



Kim Ades:

thank



Janice Porter:

you. That's a great, a great story to share.



Janice Porter:

So let's sidetrack for a minute before we end this conversation.



Janice Porter:

Because I love talking to interesting people, and I and I



Janice Porter:

think because you, what you do, matters so much in in that it's



Janice Porter:

not the volume so much. It's the lives that that you know, it's



Janice Porter:

the individual life changing things that can happen, and were



Janice Porter:

you, were you? Has your career always been coaching, or did you



Janice Porter:

have a previous



Kim Ades:

No, I've only been coaching for the past 20 years.



Kim Ades:

Before that, I used to own a software company, and actually



Kim Ades:

it was a simulation based assessment company, so we were



Kim Ades:

building assessments, or simulation based assessments,



Kim Ades:

before the technology was really ready for us. Yeah, right. So we



Kim Ades:

were on the leading edge of that technology, but that really



Kim Ades:

informed a lot of what we do now. And because what we did was



Kim Ades:

we're trying to figure out who is the top performer. What



Kim Ades:

differentiates top performer from top performers from other



Kim Ades:

people. What is it? Is it their personality? Is it their IQ? Is



Kim Ades:

it their experience, their education? What is it and and



Kim Ades:

what we discovered really led us well, led me to starting the



Kim Ades:

company that I run now, what we discovered is that top



Kim Ades:

performers, no matter what the industry, no matter what the the



Kim Ades:

level in an organization, have one very strong thing in common.



Kim Ades:

They have a very high level of emotional resilience. And what



Kim Ades:

that means is, when they experience failure, when they



Kim Ades:

have a blow, they don't stay down very long. They don't take



Kim Ades:

it personally as much as most. They don't take the right and



Kim Ades:

what they do is they get up quickly, but they also find a



Kim Ades:

way to leverage that adversity, to turn it into an advantage



Kim Ades:

somehow. And so that piece of information is really critical.



Kim Ades:

When you think about how we coach, what we do is we help



Kim Ades:

people look at their moments of adversity, their challenges, and



Kim Ades:

we help them reconfigure how they feel and how they reacted



Kim Ades:

and responded to that experience or event. And we strengthen



Kim Ades:

people. We build up their mind muscle so that when they do



Kim Ades:

experience adversity in the future, they get up faster.



Janice Porter:

It reminds me of Napoleon Hill's book Think and



Janice Porter:

Grow Rich. I mean, yeah, examples that he used in there,



Janice Porter:

which, of course, was written in 19, what, 37 and it's still like



Janice Porter:

brilliant today. So what I'm thinking from what you just



Janice Porter:

said, is that you went from left brain business, like the tech



Janice Porter:

side of things, to the right brain, in a way, because it's



Janice Porter:

more about the people. It's more about, yeah, right. So



Kim Ades:

for me, though, it was always about the people,



Kim Ades:

because, you know, when I was running the software business, I



Kim Ades:

wasn't the software developer, right? We had a team of people



Kim Ades:

that did that was my conception. Yeah, it was my conception. I



Kim Ades:

had this idea that that we could build simulations and that it



Kim Ades:

could help people, and I so I was like, I had this idea, but I



Kim Ades:

certainly didn't execute by myself. That is for sure,



Janice Porter:

fair enough, the leader's mind. There you go.



Janice Porter:

That's, that's awesome. Are you coached today?



Kim Ades:

Am I coached? I have hired so many different coaches



Kim Ades:

right now I'm working with someone, and we have interesting



Kim Ades:

relationship, where I coach her and she coaches me, but I'm



Kim Ades:

always, always looking for an amazing coach. I'm always in the



Kim Ades:

market for an amazing coach. And. Um, and so I believe great



Kim Ades:

coaches need great coaches. Yes, that's fair.



Janice Porter:

Um, okay, so just a couple of a sideline things.



Janice Porter:

So how do you today? Because there's so many options, how do



Janice Porter:

you today, ingest your information or learning? Is it



Janice Porter:

is it podcasts? Is it reading traditional books? Is it ebooks?



Janice Porter:

Is it videos?



Kim Ades:

Is how do you I definitely, I read a lot of



Kim Ades:

books. I read a lot of journals. Spend a lot of time reading



Kim Ades:

journals, yes, so I'm reading it interestingly, right? So I'm



Kim Ades:

reading The life stories of of my clients, who are all



Kim Ades:

extremely successful, highly driven individuals. So I



Kim Ades:

weirdly, I get I learn a lot by hearing what they're doing, what



Kim Ades:

they're up to, what their challenges are, but what's going



Kim Ades:

on in their businesses. I learn a lot directly from them. You



Janice Porter:

mean their journals? That yes, their



Janice Porter:

journals, yeah,



Kim Ades:

I read a lot of articles in, you know, online



Kim Ades:

magazines, newspapers, that kind of thing. I watch videos, of



Kim Ades:

course. I listen to sometimes podcasts. But I find I don't



Kim Ades:

have all the time that I want to do that,



Janice Porter:

right? So if you were reading, would you be



Janice Porter:

reading biographies? Then,



Kim Ades:

no, sometimes I read like I read, obviously, I read



Kim Ades:

personal development books, I read that kind of stuff. But



Kim Ades:

sometimes you just need to chill out, right? Always on go, and



Kim Ades:

sometimes you just need a little bit of downtime to watch things



Kim Ades:

like American Idol. I got it. You just need you just brain



Kim Ades:

needs a break. And so I make sure that I sometimes get some



Kim Ades:

break



Janice Porter:

time. It's so funny. We were watching



Janice Porter:

something last night, actually, just, you know, we've been to



Janice Porter:

this service yesterday and everything. And I find it when I



Janice Porter:

sit down after dinner to watch something other than CNN or



Janice Porter:

whatever I'm watching that way, because it's that's always a



Janice Porter:

story these days in in the States in particular, but I fall



Janice Porter:

asleep, I doze off because I'm sitting doing nothing, and



Janice Porter:

that's very hard for me to do, and my brain goes off, and then



Janice Porter:

I fall asleep, and Vern says, I'll say, oh, did you enjoy that



Janice Porter:

show? It just happened. And then



Kim Ades:

I'm off, you know? And then you're up, and then you



Kim Ades:

can't sleep at night, right? No, not too early anyway. Yeah, I



Kim Ades:

get it. Now, my husband is an avid fan of jeopardy, so I see



Kim Ades:

we watch it every night. Yeah, we watch it together. And I'm



Kim Ades:

not getting better at answering the questions, but it's



Kim Ades:

definitely not my strength. You know, everybody has a different



Kim Ades:

kind of intelligence. Yeah, I am better with intuitively



Kim Ades:

understanding people, and He's way better at jeopardy. Well,



Janice Porter:

I find I'm quite intuitive usually with people



Janice Porter:

and but I love Jeopardy. I've always been that trivia person.



Janice Porter:

It's crazy, and sometimes I wonder how all that stuff is



Janice Porter:

still in there, and other times I think I can't get it out fast



Janice Porter:

enough I get it. Yes, yeah. Interesting. Thank you for



Janice Porter:

sharing that. And lastly, I am well, almost Lastly, I like to



Janice Porter:

ask my guests about curiosity. It's my favorite word and two



Janice Porter:

part question. One, do you think curiosity is innate or learned?



Janice Porter:

And second, what are you most curious about these days, which



Janice Porter:

you may have answered already, but feel free,



Kim Ades:

do I think curiosity is innate or learned? I do. I



Kim Ades:

think that it's learned,



Janice Porter:

okay, okay. I



Kim Ades:

think that it's learned. And the reason I think



Kim Ades:

that it's learned is because I can see the people that I've



Kim Ades:

worked with, the people around me, my own children, I have five



Kim Ades:

of them. Yes, that's another topic, and that we, we have



Kim Ades:

taught like, I am remarried, okay, I'm remarried. So I came



Kim Ades:

into my marriage with two children, and my husband came in



Kim Ades:

with three, okay, and my kids are have always been extremely



Kim Ades:

curious, because they have two parents who are extremely



Kim Ades:

curious. But But what I saw, I have seen, is that my husband's



Kim Ades:

children have learned to be curious interesting, right? They



Kim Ades:

have learned to be interesting and ask a lot of questions



Kim Ades:

exactly. I don't think curiosity is something that we're just



Kim Ades:

like. I think it's something we're taught, okay, that's good.



Kim Ades:

I think it's something that we're influenced. You know, the



Kim Ades:

people around us influence us to be curious.



Janice Porter:

Okay? I mean, there's more conversation there,



Janice Porter:

but I just like people to give me their answers, yeah, right or



Janice Porter:

wrong. It's just somebody's,



Kim Ades:

you know, super interesting question. Now I'm



Kim Ades:

gonna have to go think about it. Yeah and see if I actually



Kim Ades:

answered correctly. But that's my best. Yeah,



Janice Porter:

there's no right or wrong. I mean, it's just that



Janice Porter:

whole thing started for me when I was just starting my podcast.



Janice Porter:

And I had and I started it partly because I read this book



Janice Porter:

called a curious mind by Brian Grazer. Do you know who Brian



Janice Porter:

Grazer is? I don't Brian Grazer, Ron Howard. Do you know who Ron



Janice Porter:

Howard is? Yeah. So they're the partners in imagine



Janice Porter:

entertainment. And Brian Grazer is more of a producer, but he's



Janice Porter:

also a director as well. And his his he started with splash. Do



Janice Porter:

you remember that movie? Yeah, yeah. With Tom Hanks first big



Janice Porter:

hit, and then he did Friday Night Lights on TV, which I



Janice Porter:

loved. He's done a beautiful mind with Russell Crowe. He's



Janice Porter:

got, I mean, he's he and Ron Howard are partners, so there's



Janice Porter:

a million but he grew up being curious and asking questions and



Janice Porter:

going to interview people when he was a kid and and I just



Janice Porter:

found it fascinating, because that's what I do. I love to find



Janice Porter:

out about people. So that was my first take on that second part



Janice Porter:

of the question is, what are you most



Kim Ades:

I will say this though. I will say that I think



Kim Ades:

that great coaches are extremely curious, and they ask questions



Kim Ades:

that seem to be off limits and seem to be outside of the range



Kim Ades:

of the conversation. They go to places with their questions that



Kim Ades:

are unexpected interesting and open doors that have never been



Kim Ades:

opened before.



Janice Porter:

I love that, because even in my podcast



Janice Porter:

experience, sometimes I'll ask a question and people will say,



Janice Porter:

Oh, that's I've never been asked that before, or that's really



Janice Porter:

interesting, and it's just whatever's come from inside me.



Janice Porter:

So that's where I think the intuition is part of it as well.



Janice Porter:

But being brave enough to ask certainly sometimes those



Janice Porter:

questions is, yeah, okay, good point. So what are you most



Janice Porter:

curious about these days?



Kim Ades:

Right now, I'm on a quest to help coaches do a much



Kim Ades:

better job at coaching, and so I am learning about how to reach



Kim Ades:

coaches. I'm learning about marketing in a way that I've



Kim Ades:

never done before, and I'm curious about that. And I'm



Kim Ades:

curious about really, there are so many coaches out there who



Kim Ades:

are who are trying to grow their businesses and struggling, and



Kim Ades:

I'm curious about how to help them. I'm curious about how to



Kim Ades:

reach them. I'm curious about how to make a difference in the



Kim Ades:

coaching industry, and not only in the lives of my clients. So



Kim Ades:

that's what I'm curious about right now.



Janice Porter:

That's fantastic. I mean, there's so many pseudo



Janice Porter:

coaches out there too, right? So, I mean, they have, in your



Janice Porter:

opinion, is it first and foremost, they have to have some



Janice Porter:

formal coaching education.



Kim Ades:

I mean, there are many, many coaches who have



Kim Ades:

formal coaching education, and perhaps that equips them a



Kim Ades:

little bit. But I don't think that's the be all and end all of



Kim Ades:

a great coach. I think it's far, far more than that, far, far



Kim Ades:

more than that. And I, I will say that I do not think that



Kim Ades:

coaches have what they need in terms of they are not equipped,



Kim Ades:

necessarily, to deliver the kind of coaching that is



Kim Ades:

transformational and like life impacting. They don't. They



Kim Ades:

don't have what they need in order to make that kind of



Kim Ades:

impact.



Janice Porter:

So that begs another question, I can't help



Janice Porter:

but ask, which is, do you think age has anything to do with



Janice Porter:

being a good coach? No, okay, because I always feel that, you



Janice Porter:

know, if someone is older, they're usually wiser. They've



Janice Porter:

had more experience than the young person. But you



Kim Ades:

know, my 25 year old daughter could probably do a



Kim Ades:

much, much better job of coaching than most coaches who



Kim Ades:

are much older.



Janice Porter:

So what? Why do you say that just her



Janice Porter:

personality? Well,



Kim Ades:

she's very curious, so that's one thing. So going back



Kim Ades:

to the curiosity thing, and she has strong instincts about



Kim Ades:

people. And what I mean by that is that when you talk to



Kim Ades:

someone, you can very easily tell whether or not what they



Kim Ades:

are saying serves them or doesn't. And so she's capable of



Kim Ades:

pursuing the path, following the the lead, if you will. Right?



Kim Ades:

Yeah, the uncover what needs to be uncovered. But when I say



Kim Ades:

that coaches are not equipped, and what I'm really saying is



Kim Ades:

I'm not distinguishing one personality from another or one



Kim Ades:

age from another. What I'm saying is that they don't have a



Kim Ades:

process or a system or a methodology that enables them to



Kim Ades:

coach. Really powerfully and easily.



Janice Porter:

Okay, okay, so that's a good place to wrap



Janice Porter:

because I think that if anyone wants to find out more about



Janice Porter:

what your work is all about and how you help coaches, where are



Janice Porter:

they going to find you? Frame of Mind coaching.



Kim Ades:

Frame of Mind coaching.com best place to find



Kim Ades:

me. Reach out to me, Kim at frame of mind coaching com, and



Kim Ades:

on our website, actually, if you're at all curious about



Kim Ades:

journaling, if you want to journal by yourself, or if you



Kim Ades:

want to pick up some journaling prompts for your clients,



Kim Ades:

whatever it is, we have some really great journaling prompts



Kim Ades:

on our website. So Go, go find them. Fantastic.



Janice Porter:

Thank you, Kim, thank you for being here. I love



Janice Porter:

talking to great people, and it doesn't matter to me what what



Janice Porter:

industry they're in or whatever. I just people. It's just for me.



Janice Porter:

It's



Janice Porter:

about,



Janice Porter:

can I resonate? Can I be curious enough about what they do and



Janice Porter:

who they are? And I haven't even talked about having five kids.



Janice Porter:

So are they all grown up now?



Kim Ades:

They're all my youngest is 25 and she's just



Kim Ades:

smack in the middle of doing her PhD. That's right. I



Janice Porter:

think you had mentioned that when we spoke



Janice Porter:

before. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. And thank you to my



Janice Porter:

audience, as usual, for being here. If you like what you



Janice Porter:

heard, please reach out to Kim and find out more about what she



Janice Porter:

does, and leave a review if you like what you heard that's



Janice Porter:

always appreciated. Thank you, and remember to stay connected



Janice Porter:

and be remembered. You.