CATHARINE HAY - The Boundaries Coach

Hi, I'm Tammy Gross, the Scriptprenuer. Welcome to Reel Life Stories where difference makers come to share their Hollywood worthy transformation stories. I love interviewing people who faced a mountain, overcome it the hard way, and figured out a solution to help the rest of us conquer that same mountain. Because when we share our stories, we change lives.

All right, so I have a really special guest here today. And her name is Catharine hay. She is the boundaries coach. She's a women's empowerment coach, and shows women how to set boundaries in their personal and professional lives. So they can experience freedom from resentment, stressed and overwhelmed. She shows women how to say, a self affirming Yes, to what matters most and an indisputable, no to what doesn't. And who doesn't need somebody kind of helping us through that kind of stuff. It's very hard for us to do that. ourselves. So I am so glad that you here Welcome, Catharine,

thank you so much. Can I hire you to say that for me, you did such a great job.

I mean, you know, your hay is a great thing to say to write, for doing some really cool things in the world. And and so you know, I want people to know about what you're doing. But what I really want them to know, is why you're doing it. And as you know, that's what I like to talk about here on least on my podcast, we like to talk about real life stories. And I'm very curious to know how this became like a passion for you. Where did it all start? What Where were you at in your head, but also in your life, when you realized that maybe there was a problem either that you had or somebody else had and that maybe you needed to go on a journey to figure out how to solve that. So take us to like the beginning of the journey, wherever you want to start us. And take us along to how you got to that point where you are now? Well, I'm going to take

you back to when I was 19. And that was only a year ago. Just kidding. A long, long time ago. But anyway, just briefly, when I was 19, I got pregnant with my oldest son, and my, my husband was not working. And I worked throughout the pregnancy 40 hours a week, and commuted and, and had to clean the house and do the dishes. And so he pretty much did nothing which he would probably deny it. But anyway, so, and he got a job about three weeks before I you know had our son, unfortunately, he was also abusive. And it made it Yeah, it may be really tough. And so, um, I did leave that relationship. When my son, my oldest son was one. And when I go forward three years later, I actually got involved with someone else. And pretty much the same situation. It turned out the same way. Only this time when I left I took my kids everything in the house and I disappeared. So yeah. And so that that was afraid of what that he might come after me. And that was

a really scary situation obvious. Yes. And and here you'd already been in that right and so how did you how did you disappear um,

I didn't move out of the area. But the town I was in was big enough there city that I didn't have to really worry about running into him. But yeah, it just basically I had a place already set up to move to and I My mom helped me in and you know, and then we, you know, moved everything. And he just came home and everything was gone.

Wow. That's amazing that you did that. And so I mean, so how long were you thinking about that before you even made that? That move because that that there's a lot of logistics behind that Plus, you're opening up to your mom about it. And so I assume that she had had some advice for you and everything as you were going along. But you also must have been feeling pretty frightened. I mean, you're still very young at this point. And you've got a child and it was a situation so it probably it probably was not as easy as oh I just up and moved.

No, no no.

So once you once you get into that situation, where does it go from there?

Well, like you said, Yeah, I did plan it ahead of time. And it took me about three months. And so, and I just had to do it, I guess behind his back, you would say, but Right, yeah. So anyway, I think when I had an epiphany was after this, you know, I started thinking about it, and I'm going, why would and there are a lot of reasons psychologically why someone stays in this kind of relationship, and gets into it in the first place. And I really, you know, wanted to delve into that with myself. And so I, I started looking at that, and the thing that came to me, almost like a light bulb, was, if you really felt good about who you were, you were really solid in your confidence and your worth, you would not have gotten into the either of those relationships, you know, and you certainly, if I'd gotten a clue before, I wouldn't have gotten into the second one. So that really, yeah, that really told me I'm like, this looks like a pattern. And how do I style? Yes, yes. So I think I was lucky in that. A lot of women, sometimes, and sometimes the abuser makes them believe this, believe that they deserve it. And I actually never did. So that helped me. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. Because yeah, a lot of women not only feel like they deserve it, then they go back for more, and they keep climbing those relationships. So it sounds like you kind of you're, you're very fortunate and very smart in coming to this epiphany when you did but but how long did it take you to even get to that point where you made that epiphany was that pretty much right away? Once you were gone from him? Or do take a while?

Probably another year or two before I really came to that realization?

Long time to live with that? Yeah. And,

and I didn't, I after that, I was never an abusive relationship again. But I did have dysfunctional relationships with guys. And that took me a long time to look at that, too. But it, you know, it was the same kind of actualization and self searching that got me there.

Wow. Well, okay, so now, then we fast forward, and you have one child at this point, and he's going up, and you're ahead to at this point, to at this point, and so Okay, so when do you get to the point where you realize, you have information, and and you have a perspective, that can help other people? What brought you to that point? Well, by

that time, my kids were around. And

so so it took a while it took a while, because you had to kind of go through,

it definitely took a while, I had to do some really strict boundary setting with my kids. And because of the situations, you know, I, I had to go through being codependent with one of my kids. And that took me a while. And to come out of that. And so yeah, you know, we're talking some get decades here. But yeah, but then I started out a while back thinking, I want to be a women's entrepreneurial coach, because I love working with women, and I love the entrepreneurial spirit. So, but then, as someone rightly pointed out to me, at that point, I was not a successful entrepreneur. So and I, you know, I said, I kept hearing, do what you know, you know, and then I said, Well, what do I know about? And I thought back and I go, I know about setting boundaries, I know about saying, stepping back and saying no, this is not okay. You can't treat me like this, I don't deserve this.

I, I can see that I can see how it, it takes you time, in your case, some decades. You have to kind of collect it all. And then you realize, think about if somebody had come to you when you were 19 and, and was able to reach out to you and to be able to help you and if you were able to reach out to them. And that kind of brings us to where you are where now you're doing that and it makes so much sense, right? That that you were able to to extract not only wisdom, but a passion for being able to help others and that's it That's the part of story that I love. Because now you're out there in the world. And you actually, you actually have something for us, called the art of self confidence that every single listener can get their hands on. And we will put the information for that in the show notes. But tell us what that is exactly. Well, the art of

Self confidence is, well, it's kind of self explanatory. But, you know, I believe that self confidence is, is core, to learning to stand up for yourself. And that's why I chose this gift. And it's about seven simple ways to feel confident in your skin. So you learn some self limiting about self limiting beliefs, I think we all have those. And negative bias and, and figuring out what's the biggest obstacle standing in in your way, and also about why you shouldn't compare yourself to others. And we women are great at that. And also, why body language is super important?

Well, I am so glad that you were allowing us to have a glimpse into how you help people, because I think all of us and it's not just women, I mean, really, I you know, I come from the creative world and, and self confidence is an issue that everybody struggles with, including men, including boys, including girls, and and the younger you are that you can like, latch on to the wisdom of somebody who's been through it all, the better. And I know that we have some young listeners who I think that will really be a life changer for them. And I really appreciate you making that available to them. And it's also a way that they can kind of get into your world and learn more about you. And so they're contacting to do that. So I'm really happy that you're making that available to them. But before we go, I just want to have that one big question that I said was coming. And that is if money were not an issue, how would you live out your legacy today. So you can really live like, leave a legacy through

it Yeah, and I have two kids, six grandkids and one great grandchild to leave a legacy for besides the world. But I would like my legacy to be there. And I'm writing a book about this, about women supporting other women. Because I believe that is so vital and important, especially when they're all the events happening lately that we really have to pull together and work together to move forward. And, and to quote our screen saver I have on my phone, that I believe the future is female. I strongly believe that and we have to step up to make that happen.

Wow. That's a great final word to I mean, the future is female, and we need to step up. That's amazing. Thank you so much, Catharine, for being here today. And for sharing your story, the struggle that you went through. I do think it's cinematic, it should be a movie. I can't wait. I'm sure there's a lot. I mean, there's things in there that we've had that we could have passed over that was a big mountain that you had to move aside to get to the point where you could move that mountain for others. So I really, really appreciate you sharing that with us. And and I'm I'm I'm excited for when this drops and everybody gets to hear your story.

Thank you so much for having me. And I I hope you people usually say I light up when I talk about what I do and I hope that came through. Because I really feel that it's you know, my mission in life, and especially to the young people who are listening. Don't forget how amazing you are. You are all amazing wherever you're at. So embrace that can be proud.

Thank you, Catharine.

Bye.