S3E01: A Focus On Leadership

Matthew Leland Cox 0:02
You're listening to the Purpose Driven Person podcast. This podcast is made for leaders unwilling to give up their desires to be purpose driven, guys that made this show for compass for you to have more purpose in leadership through four concepts, creation, communication, collaboration, and connection in both business and in life. My name is Matthew Leland Cox, I'm the founder of never give up youth Healing Center, Never Give Up Wellness Center, and Never Give Up foundation. You can find me at MatthewLelandCox.com. Are you ready? Well, let's do this.

Matthew Leland Cox 0:42
All right, welcome back to the show. I'm Matthew Cox, your host, and if you're tuning in for the first time, check us out wherever you are on all your social media. Hey, welcome back to another season took a break from podcasting for a minute. This is the first show coming back from a pretty long break, I would say, trying to think on how I'd like to approach getting back into podcasting. You know, I do this because I love podcasting, I actually started in radio, had a radio show for a while, and just I miss it. It's something that I do for fun. I really am not trying to blow it up, or whatever it is, if it does, if it takes off great. If you enjoy these conversations, this season, I'm going to be approaching things as a leader, a little different. And I'll be sharing some things throughout leadership. But also just I'm going to be focusing heavily on leadership, and also mental health, where I came from and how we need to take care of our mental health as a leader. So hopefully, that'll help you as we go through this journey. I will be only doing one podcast a month moving forward. It does take a lot of work to put this up. So I want to make sure moving forward, I'll be getting those interviews set up. Really good content coming, what do you want to hear as well, you're feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn. My that's the platform I usually use regularly. You can just find me there, Matthew Leland Cox, go on and give me a message and tell me what you want to hear or what episode that might have, you know, resonated with you. So that's kind of where we're at.

Matthew Leland Cox 2:27
So let's get started this show I wanted to do a show coming back in podcasting. Again, there's a few concepts I want to share with you. And one of the concepts I'm going to pull here up on my computer, if you're watching on YouTube, you can watch this on YouTube, and also listen to it on i Tunes and a few other platforms. So we're excited just to be back at it. So let me pull this up. So one of the things I wanted to share with you, I'm just going to be realized, we go through these things, I'm going to share what I've kind of experienced through my experience as a leader, and hopefully just helps you in your journey. Because leadership is interesting. And one of the things I really love to do is to read and just kind of pick things apart. So I'm gonna pull this up. But here's what I'm gonna do is I wanted to kind of bring some things to light. This is, this is a last year of rough leadership, personally, addressing some things that have hit. And I want to share this experience or this lesson I learned as a leader. And hopefully, if you're listening, if you're a CEO, if you're a leadership VP, or whatever it is, or you're an entrepreneur, trying to get it trying to make offs as a visionary trying to get something off the ground. Here. Here's the scary thing. I just want to start with this, then I'll get into the content I'm going to share with you you know, as I've been going through the last few years, I've I've purchased so much content. And it's so scary these days that we don't have any good content there's there's some good ones and there's some bad ones, you have to be very careful what you absorb. So right now on the the internet, from all the platforms across the board. It's really tough because there's a lot of entrepreneurs and I love this this comes from Gary Vee, I think, you know, he challenges he says, you know, you got to be careful because a lot of these content creators, these entrepreneurs, bless our hearts. It's a lot of work. I'm telling you like, Mr. B, he just was a video game player. But look how many followers he has. And his videos. Content is not like life changing. Like yes, he gives away things. But it's just interesting. The word we're absorbing our information. No, no offense, Mr. B. I know you hang out with Darryl Derral Eve's I went to school with their good job Darryl. Darryl has done a good job on creating Khan that helps YouTubers. But the biggest thing I think Darryl has done is, is creating a a serious on the life of Christ. And it was really cool. He's really went and took his content creating a different direction. So awesome job there, Daryl went to school with all his brothers. But at the end of the day, if you look at these content creators, it just blows my mind. And I want to talk about this a little bit before I jump into leadership, because this is where it also affects you as a leader, because this is where all your, your workers, your employers, your leaders, your employees, your leaders, they're getting their content from their get influenced from tick tock, they're getting influenced from there, and you have to really sort through and don't get me wrong, there's a lot of good content, but you got to dig below all the top 512 that are just trash, I'm going to tell you, it's trash, it's numbing and and it's so hard not to get sucked into their, the the vortex of this. And I'm just going to speak openly because it's it's very addicting, it can grab anybody. And the next thing you know, you wasted 30 minutes, 45 minutes an hour watching nothing could be praying serve, hey, I have a vehicle, I'm going to make this person think they're a gold digger content of, hey, I'm going to open a box and show you what I purchased. I mean, come on, let's let's really go through this. I watched my five year old watch. He loves Minecraft. And I'm not telling it that we're I'm not saying anybody's subject to this. I've been sucked down this vortex. And you know, I think about it more and more. What is the psychology behind it? This is where I spent most of my field in, in the mental health area and what what is it? What's the effect it has on us? And how much is it going to damage our youth in our workforce? Everybody else? Our leadership? How much is that going to affect us down the line? So you got to really think about this. Where are you getting your information? So there's a lot of content creators that came out of it. We grew up with gurus, why is your guru not working? It's a good saying Why isn't your guru like some gurus? Tony Robbins, Jim Rohn. These are people I grew up, John Maxwell. These are content creators, information givers. Their stuff is not a magic bullet. Like it's just information they're sharing just like I'm doing here. I'm sharing my opinion, or my thoughts on something. Maybe it resonates, maybe it doesn't. And so the thing and when when creating content or creating information or sharing or speaking or motivating, it's also looking at it, what do you see? And how do you get to that, that ideal purpose. And that's what this show is about is a purpose driven person. And so this is the season I'm going to be talking about as your leadership, while he does your guru, not work. But we're going to talk about the psychology and the mental health of things, as a leader, a high performer, where you're at risk sometimes, and hurting your health and your mental health at the same time. So we're gonna go down that lap path, I'm going to have a lot of good interviews on here.

Matthew Leland Cox 8:28
Again, this show will be once a month, it's going to be bringing new content. So again, I'm just going down this this this prelude of, why do you watch what you watch? I challenge you, what is it that you're absorbing? It's kind of like what you eat is what you are, I had to learn that when I almost hit 300 pounds, and back in 2007. I'll have to show you my picture sometime when I get all my stuff where I can push buttons and, and show those who are watching on YouTube. But yeah, it was a big change. I had to decide what I put in my mouth is what created me and I still fight that every day. Some days I win some days I don't. But the problem is what I've learned is as long as I recognize it, and I change that behavior, if I'm in a funk one day, if it takes me two days to get out of it, I just don't remain in it. If I went up two or three pounds, I don't stress on it. I have the tools to get that off. But if I get into this numb, whatever like what Brene Brown says if I start numbing out and using things to numb out where food was mine, Amin, yours could be alcohol. If you're a leader, you might come home from a frustrating situation and drink. You might overeat like I used to you might go to other vices that numb you out. So you have to decide what is it that's nominee out. Today we you know, back in the day we would watch one episode a week and I noticed they're starting To do that on Disney, I don't know if you notice that in some other platforms, they're letting you watch one episode and then it doesn't come out till the next week, this is what we grew up on it, it was to help us from that delayed gratification, that one episodes here, then the next one's coming, instead of binge watching.

Unknown Speaker 10:22
How is the binge watching on Netflix and all your social medias affects you. For me, it affects me because I get I'm an add kid, I'm just gonna tell you with attention deficit growing up with it. You've heard my story on here, I've I've had attention deficit, it's affected my reading and writing growing up. But part of that is my anxiety. So if I get kind of anxiety throughout the day, I can be easily sucked into vegetating or veggie now or watching, binge watching as they call it. So you have to really understand you. And I have a quote I want to just understand is that the worst thing a leader can do is try to manage other people. But the thing before managing other people, they gotta manage themselves. And I'm paraphrasing this is by Stephen Covey, he teaches this concept. And what I'm trying to tell you is that you guys have to manage yourself, as a leader before you manage others. So if you're a leader, if you're an owner, this show is for you, if you are somebody that's trying to get something off the ground that shows for you, if you have a purpose, and a bigger idea that you feel you're just hardwired to do something greater this shows for you. And I'm going to be sharing these concepts of what I've done, has a short bus kid working through these things. Because I was told constantly, I would never do anything. On Tony, I've accomplished a lot of things with a lot of great people around me. And it's not my doing it's I had to work on myself. And it's a continuous journey. Sometimes my personality is not the best fit for some times in certain situations. Because I'm the kind of person that gets things done. I'll get in there, I'll start going, I'll start pushing out, I'll read something, I think it's the coolest thing. And then I share it. And you hear crickets because people are not willing to explore their self.

Matthew Leland Cox 12:18
So it's interesting, who is the leader, and I found this out in your organization, just because you're the founder and I want to talk to you founders doesn't mean you're the leader in your organization. So I have a partner. He's also my brother. He is my he is the leader in my organization. I've watched over the decade where it's shift. As a founder, I was the I dig I opened up doors, I made sure things I'm gonna do or he's the back, we have a joke among yourselves. I'm Walt Disney, he's Roy Disney. We've we've went through and really navigated the most toughest state to do business in. And it was interesting to watch him in how he navigates this. So what I found in our, in our, in our leadership styles, I get things going I kind of get things. As he says, I kind of ruffle feathers get things up, I don't let things fall, I see things coming. Because I'm a forward thinker, like I see a way ahead, this issue is going to become it. He then goes in and starts working on it, he starts really beaten out the things that need to happen. So it's really cool to see, I watch it, I now I'm understanding it because I'm starting to say hey, there is no person personalizing this, I'm realizing that people now have net and have gravitated towards him as the leader. And my job as a visionary is I'm the keeper of the culture. So he's, I'm the emotional side, he is the logical side of the business. And he helps make sure the systems are in place, I made sure the people are going forward and have a people plan or checking in on them. So it's a great team. And that's where you have to now sit stand back. So you founders that this is for you. Who is the leader in your business? Is it truly you? Do everybody comes it? Does everybody come to you? Or do they go to somebody else? Do they look for somebody that actually is following through and getting things done and can give them answers? Because most cases the visionary or the founder is not that person. In most cases. It's usually the integrator that has naturally took in that leadership. So most visionaries have to find an integrator that can lead and make sure that things are done in a very timely manner.

Matthew Leland Cox 14:48
So that's just something to think about. That's a lesson I've learned over the years and I wanted to share that. So let's jump into this today's podcast as we kick this off again. So I'm excited I I, I love doing this, this is my therapy. Is it my way of sharing, someday maybe I'll be a professor and teach. I don't know, I love teaching. I've always had, and it's crazy as a Shortbus kid, you know, when I use that term, I'm not using it in a bad way. It's just who I was growing up. And I've had to embrace it. And I'm a leader as well. And so leaders, you know, one things leaders do is we get out in front with a banner. And we say, come this way, let's do this. You know, bosses, boss, bosses, direct bosses tell you, you better do this. And then they sit in the office, and they don't show you how. So right now, that's where we're starting this show, what are you, I want you to take a minute, think about who you are right now, where is your situation, if you're listening to this, maybe you're working with a company, or you're working for a company, and you got to take back and have empathy on this, because you're just as challenging as the leader is trying to get people moving. So if I'm an employee listening to this, think about what you do. And then as a leader, think about what you do. So it goes both ways. You got to manage yourself before you point fingers, and have language. And this is some of the language I hear a lot of when it comes to roadblocks. So some of the things I hear is this, they won't give us any resources. They do not know what they're doing up there. By don't have the budget, they'll never let us do it that we have no alternatives. My hands are tied. I've heard that many times, from my leaders that do have the resources, and they want to be the victim. And then the last one is if only they. And then, you know, think about those there's a roadblock kind of verbiage, that's a language that you have to think about when it comes to a language. That is a mindset also. And if you're a leader listening, if you use those terminologies you need to stop, you need to backup. Think about it. And it should sound more like this, these are road these are roadblock busters. Now that we know what we can do, we can do it.

Unknown Speaker 17:27
Now that we know so we got clarity, and I went to champion it to get the clarity we can do it. Let's pursue this has to get to get this job done. And go away. So let's let's let's get this done. Let's pursue it. This is the way to do it. Let's get it going. So this is like a roadblock buster. And then the last one is we just haven't talked to the right person yet. We just haven't talked to the right person yet. So it's getting a lot of movement, getting that clarity, getting the roles clear getting the expectation clear. And I want to just, here's a here's a quote from Stephen Covey. Whenever someone waits for someone else to make these things happen, or provide a solution, I'll tell them, use your RNI resourcefulness and innovation, user ROI, stop, stop waiting. And that's one thing I see a lot of even as leaders even as entrepreneurs, even the business owners will sit and wait for the right situation. The other day, I was just training some of my leaders. And they're the the mindset I would kept hearing is when we get this position, then this will happen. And I'm like, Well, you don't have that position. So who's going to own it? Where is your accountability seats? Where's your accountability chart? And that's the biggest thing we have to look at is how do we stop waiting for the perfect storm or the situation? Because we have to still own what's not being done as leadership. And so that's one of the things accountability. So let's talk about this book. I just read I want to go in there. And you'll you'll hear some shows, if I don't have interviews, I'm usually going to take a book and talk about it. This shows just going to be straightforward. It's it's it's an easy, hey, this is what it is. I'm not going to I know you get on some podcasts and everybody tries to act very over the top. I'm just gonna be real, open and honest. Here's what it is. I'm just like you as a leader. I'm a dad, I have two boys. I have two dogs. I have a wife from beautiful wife. And in in we we have our struggles. Nothing is perfect. And if anybody tries to put on this facade, that everything's perfect leadership is messy. And leadership sucks. Because when you do You get it, you're like, man, what was I thinking? And but that's the higher purpose. That's the purpose driven person behind you, you're in leadership, because you feel you have some way of making an influence and a change. That's the only way. Unless you're power hungry, you have to decide that's a boss. A boss is a power hungry individual. And they're more status driven. And we're going to talk about that. A leader is more results driven, and we'll talk about that as well.

Matthew Leland Cox 20:30
So let's talk about this book. I read this before, I'm rereading it. It's called the Five temptations of a CEO. It's by Patrick Lencioni. I'm going back through his books, I love his books, he has a dozen or a handful of them. He has the one The Five Dysfunctions of a leader, he has a healthier organization, or at Health advanced advantage, I think it is. And it's so I'm going back through all these books of him that he wrote. Great, great, great individual, he's really put time into it. And so this book, if you haven't read, I really recommend it. It's a good book, if you can listen to it on Audible. It's a story he uses, he uses a lot of story to tell within his books to make points. And it really resonates for me as a as a kid that struggled, you know, reading and writing growing up. And so I can visualize it, because one of the things I learned is I can memorize things. And then I can read, teach it very quickly, because that was my strength thrown up. So the first temptation in this book, it starts out as a CEO, getting ready for a board meeting, they didn't do too well the year. And it's fourth quarter, I believe. And he has to go before the board and and report out how the year, the end of the year is. And he was really stressed because he just fired his marketing guy. And now the story is he's sitting in his office, and I'm just giving you it's a good book, go read it. And so then he ends up on the subway, in this fable, as Patrick's put together, Patsy Lencioni, the author, he put together as a storyline, that he then ends up on the subway, and this janitor guy comes in and sits next to him an old guy. And he just says, okay, hey, Patrick. And he starts and he's like, Who is this guy, and the guy then starts talking to him, and ends up being his mentor throughout the story. And it ends up that he meets some other guys through this journey. And towards the end, I'll just kind of summarize it, and then hopefully you go read it and get all the meat in between. But what he finds out is all these individuals he has experiences with on the subway are see past CEOs of the organization he's in. And he has to go through and they teach him these lessons. And the main guy, that main janitor is the one teaching them these five temptations of a CEO. And so let's jump into this because I really feel this is where not just if you're a CEO, if you're a leader, I think it applies to all of us, as leaders. And also just in general, if you're trying to work your way up to become a leader, these are the temptations you want to avoid. So the first one is status. So status is is it's really thinking about strategic, overcoming, you know, focusing on results. So, we always get into status status means my title. I'm committed to the company, not my title. But if you are looking at, I want to make sure people know who I am. So number one is status over Do you personally considered personal failure when your organization fails? So that's a question Do you Do you often wonder what's next? What will I do on top of my career? So are you always thinking, hey, this is just a ladder? I'm just here for a minute. I'm gonna milk this until I'm done. Or are you worried? Are you part of the team? You know, when I coached college soccer, when I felt as a coach, that means my whole team, I felt it. Do you feel it? Do you feel when you when your team fails? Are you just waiting for that next step? Would it bother you greatly? If your company exceeds its objective? But you remember somewhat someone, to your peers to the industry? So you remain anonymous? Would it bother you that they do everything without like, you hit the objective, but you don't get the recognition even though you were part of that catalysts, or that bug you? Or do you want that recognition? You want to be noticed all the time in front?

Matthew Leland Cox 24:56
So I do apologize when I'm reading this. I'm I slaughtered it, because I'm looking at my notes, not my strength here. But in the story, Charlie was the janitor. That was his name. On the train, he asked Andrew, which was the CEO. He says, what was the best day of your career? Because Andrew answered that day he got promoted to President in charge. He didn't ask why? Why was that the best? You know? Why? Why would that be the best in your life? Because he offered the advantage of the CEO to make results. So think about this. So why would it make a difference? Because if you're truly wanting to step up in to leadership, you have to ask yourself, why? Why is it that you want it Lencioni offers advices. For CEOs, he makes the result most important to major personal success, or step from the job. The failure of a company you lead is too important for the customers, the employee that stuck stockholders, or the stakeholders to hold it hostage from your ego. Think of that. Don't do it because your ego, this is status over results. If your status is I am the man or woman, and I am the only one that can do this. Without me they will fail. If that is your inner dialogue. If that's how you think you're in the wrong place, your ego is driving you. And this is what Patrick talks about. And you got to be very careful when it comes to this first temptation. So how do you get around that this is my advice when it comes to status over results. Think of the results. Think of the people have a people plan, develop those around you and don't make it about you. Humble yourself. A servant leader is somebody that serves it's out front that makes sure they're teaching and developing and not looking at everybody that they can't do the job. Of course they can't, when they first come in, develop them, spend time with them, be in present, and don't be trying to avoid self reflection. Because again, Stephen Covey said, you first have to work on yourself before you work on the people you lead. So that's what you're doing. If you're listening to this, and you got this far. That means you're wanting to work on yourself. And so it's temptation to is choosing the accountability over popularity. And this is a huge temptation. I've seen in a lot of my clients, as I've coached a lot of CEOs, even myself when I first started, like way, way back then, as Dave Ramsey says he always said, he sucked at a leader when he first started, and I did and I still am working on it. Some days I do good. Some days I don't. But I recognize it now. And so popularity is not the key here. I remember one staff of mine, way, way back, she said messed up beating around the bush because I was worried about what people would think. And so popularity comes in all different forms. Choosing trust over innovation, or invulnerability, choosing trust over vulnerability, choosing conflict over harmony, and choosing clarity over consistency, or certainty. Sorry. And so choosing accountability over popularity, choose results over status, you got to think about this as we go down this continuum, choosing accountability over popularity, you have to be accountable, you can't be popular. Do you consider yourself to be close friend, to those of you that report directly to you?

Matthew Leland Cox 28:44
Does it bother you when they point or direct that if they are unhappy with you? And not the company? It is a bother when they're unhappy with you? Do you get offended with that? That's a tough one. Think about it. Entrepreneurs, founders, visionaries, were emotional. So sometimes this will get you and if you as a founder say, oh, that doesn't bother me never has, I would call you out on that. Next one is Do you often find yourself giving negative feedback to your direct reports due to the water down negative feedback to to make it more palatable? So let me read a brief paraphrase that do you take negative feedback and try to soften the blow? Because you're so worried about the individual? And do you always vent to them about issues in the organization? For example, do you refer to your your staff as we and our employees as they? So that's a divide as we as they say Is there a divide among your direct reports the employees, you're no, as a leader, there's not this magic bullet that you should be separated from them. So think about that. So going down into the story, in the story, Andrew believes he holds the people accountable. He's really thinking he does. And this is where the conflict in this story as, as Charlie is, is teaching Andrew the story. He, Andrew really thinks he does because he fired his marketing VP, like I mentioned before, and upon closer analysis, and he is he looks at it, he avoided conflict. He didn't tell his VP, he didn't say, Hey, your job is at risk. Hey, you're felling? Hey, your performance is not good. He just went in and fired him. So CEO VI. So what Patrick Lencioni in the book is his advice is work for the long term respect for your direct reports, not for their infection. Think about that, that's huge. These are little hidden nuggets in this book, don't view them as a support group. But as key employees who make must deliver on their commitments, if the company is not producing results, this is where it gets dangerous. And remember, your people are not going to like you always, they're not going to lie to you anyway, if you're ultimately failing. So if you're trying to be their friend, you're trying to be popular, all the sudden, they're failing, and they're losing their job because of you did not hold them accountable, and help them and nurture them, you try to be their friend, you try to make get their affection versus their accountability. So think of that big temptation. Let's jump into temptation. Three, because this one is a very important just like temptation, one and two, we're now jumping down to temptation three, which is choosing clarity over certainty. So when it comes to certainty and clarity, do you pride yourself on being intelligently poised or present? Or do you prefer to wait for more information rather than deciding without all the facts? You gotta have everything I need everything. And and, you know, I mentioned our leadership style before my partner, he kind of falls in this one. Sometimes, where I do really well on, hey, we we just have to have clarity. And then not because we're not going to get certainty. We're going to talk about do you enjoy debating details, with your direct reports, during meetings? Does that really make you feel good? And Andrew in the story, he is analyzing this, he waits to decide to make correct decisions that is important in the world that will impact information and uncertainty. So Andrew needs to stop doing that he proposed postpones decisions because he feels he doesn't have anything. So he doesn't make the decision. And he waits. And so the reports to him are unclear where their deliveries are. And you cannot hold people accountable if things are not clear. So clarity of roles, clarity of expectations, is very important. So one thing we teach is, we like this concept, it's called EOS. It was based on some of these great leaders that have put it together and it was led by Gino Wickman, and some other people. And it's just a concept it's putting together and one of the things they talk about is having the seat very clear. And the reports understanding clear expectations clear roles, which really combats this, this temptation three, you can't hold people accountable if things are not clear that so it is said in the book and the advice from from the author, he says make clarity, more important than a certainty. Because you cannot get certainty Hey, I gotta have everything, everything before I move forward. Remember that your people will learn more if you take this advantage or action. When if always waiting for more information. So you're going to learn more if you have enough to move, you're going to learn as you're doing it. And if the decisions you make in the split creating split of creating clarity turns out to be the wrong one, then more information will become available. I like that because I'm reading it verbatim here because it's really important because as you're going down this decision funnel, hey, let's go. Oh wait, that was the wrong one. It's not a failure. It's hurrying, adjusting and pivoting and saying, Hey, what did we learn from that? How can we do it? I'm the leader, I own it, because we made that decision. But hey, we got more information, more data. And that's what he's saying here is don't sit and sit on your button spin, you know, in your chair saying, Well, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. And I heard that, you know, just recently, I heard that a lot, I'm waiting for this, I'm waiting for this and wait, and the individual has not their seat clear, that's where it came out of, is that the seat was not clear. So the clear expectation cleared roles was not there. So the only real cost, when it comes to this, the author goes in and says, you know, when you're going down this road, you're you'll figure that out. If you make this decision in that creative spirit, and it was wrong, you're gonna learn more, you're gonna gain more. And then he says here, he says, the only real cost you have of being wrong is the is your loss of pride. That's it. Because you're going to teach people as you go, they're going to say, Man, Johnny gets this, you know, we always are creative. We're in a very creative, collaborative spirit. And hey, he was wrong, but he was willing to admit it, he was vulnerable. But we then process that just like a coach, when my team would lose, I didn't would go back and say, Hey, what could we have done better? Then we watched the videos, we watched, and we analyze our performance, and we learn from it and we get better. So the cost of it is your company is not taking the risk, and being wrong and paralyzed. Because being paralyzed is worse, not doing anything. So again, temptation, three, clarity, over certainty. So get the roles clear, get people clear on what's expected from them. And then move forward. And help that innovation help that creativity, resourcefulness and innovation is the quote I shared with Doc, or Dr. Stephen Covey is help that innovation. Make sure that you understand it, and you can move forward.

Matthew Leland Cox 37:09
All right, going to temptation for we're almost to five, and then we'll close out five but common in here. Wherever platform, you're listening, I'd like to hear your feedback on this. But temptation five, choosing conflict over harmony. What does that mean? Think about that. So when I read the book, I was like, wow, that's interesting conflict over harmony. But everybody wants to be harmless. Everybody Wants to Rule by consensus. Everybody doesn't want anybody to, and it goes back up to popularity. So if I'm trying to be popular, I'm going to try to be harming or find harmony over everything. Oh, don't fight guys. Stop. So do you mean? So I'm going to ask these questions that is here. It says, Do you prefer your meetings to be pleasant and enjoyable? Here's some cookies. Guys. Here is everything. And I'm not saying go in and fight. I'm just being here my facetiousness, but I'm just saying, I've seen these where it's, it's just needs to be, hey, we're going to do some drawings, we're going to do anything, even though the team is really not hitting their marks, we still try to make it palatable. Are you? Are your meetings often boring? So is it about the individual running the meeting? Are you getting things done? Do you do you get uncomfortable at a meeting? If your direct reports are you? Do you often make peace or often read cancelled and redirect reports who are at odds with one another? So think about those meetings that you're in right now. And if you're listening, what is that kind of meeting, and this is where, you know, as a consultant, I'll go in and help them understand how to run these meetings. So some some CEOs believe it's better for people to agree and get along than disagree, and the conflicts with one another. If you're that type of CEO, call me get a hold of me on LinkedIn because I'm going to help you understand what he just said. Some CEOs believe that it's better for people to get along and not disagree and that is very opposite of what should be happening. And one of the best ways of getting more comfortable with decisions is to believe from the best sources of information available for direct reports harmony sometimes restricts that it doesn't let them talk openly and honestly among each other. So brought to protect productivity, ideology, ideas, conflict, the passion, the interchange the opinions, and the issues. You got to bring all those out. What are the issues what are the issues let's be open and honest. Without this kind of car. Conflict decisions are often stuck, stumbled our stipend sorry, they're they're stopped. No boy, no, no, they can't move forward. And the best decisions are made only after all knowledge is brought to the table. Hey, this is Willie, here's the issue. This is really what's going on. Here's what's making me mad, here's not working. And we got to get it out. Not only people respect that, they have opinions, and they agree with it. But they are considered when all available knowledge is considered changes in optimal decisions are greater. So if I can put the issue out, we discussed what we throw it, we go around the table, everybody gets a quick minute to discuss it and dig down to what the issue is, we are more likely to need to get the right solution. Because then when we come to solving it, instead of just beating a dead horse, when we've all been in those meetings, it's going to get to where you need to be. So it's really digging down. As he says in this book. It's a great book, man, lots of hidden gems in it.

Matthew Leland Cox 41:07
And not mentioning likelihood, conflict in these decisions, which is just as important. So what did the author saying? In his book, The Five temptations of art of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, he talks about healthy conflict. Conflict is a natural thing, as long as it's healthy, not yelling at each other calling you a dirty son of a gun. It's bringing the conflict to the table, saying, Hey, I have a people issue. I have a process issue. I'm really struggling with this. This is not working. Here's my issue in one sentence, can we discuss that they need everybody's help to solve it. And maybe one of the people at the table or the issue and as you guys go around it, it's not a personal thing. It's Hey, what's going on? Well, my plate is overfilled. So I have dropped the ball. As Susie's brought this issue. It's mine. And I have not fought through. Oh, salt. Okay, let's discuss that. What's the best solution? I need help. I've been taking it on and I have been open and honest with my team. And I've been felling Suzy miserably. So with that discussion, even though there's conflict, and there's we want to avoid it, as a CEO, as a leader, whoever you're leading, you have to get them to lead that conversation. So the vice of the author here in this section, he says, you know, encourage your direct reports to air out their ideals, differences and with passion. Meetings are often signs of progression. Time, ones are often signs of leaving important issues from off the table. At times they do they don't put it up there. And we got to get it up there and guard against personal attacks, but not to the point of, you know, interchanging or interchanges of the ideas. So there's no politicking on this. This is a process that we got to have conflict. And what he's saying is don't go in there and start yelling at people don't get there. Don't get me wrong, is healthy conflict. And he has a diagram here is that, you know, we're going to talk about the issue. And it's a narrow, healthy conflict is coming in the middle. And putting it is not personal attack. That is not where we're going. It's greater good for the organization. If we have a people issue or process issue, we want to throw it in the middle and say, Here's my issue. I'm having a hard time because my read the reports I need from other departments, especially the accounting department. So I'm going to now it says the specific issue right? Is not coming to me in time. So then I'm not getting my stuff done in time. Can we discuss this as a team, and then whoever's leading that, moving to the left and going around the table, we then flush that out, and we make sure that it comes to tuition. So that's, that's the process here. And that's what it looks like when we're doing it right. Alright, so that is conflict over harmony, temptation for now we're moving on to the last temptation here. Temptation five, choosing trust over invulnerability, choosing trust over invulnerability. This is a very important one, and it's something we all have to work on. So here's the questions. Do you have a hard time admitting when you're wrong? Do you have a hard time admitting when you're wrong? So is it hard for you to say hey, I was wrong. Or do you have a tendency to point fingers at other people? Do you fear that your direct direct reports will want your job While at your job, you know, hey, I want to be there, initially. So we're going to talk about that do you try to keep your greatest weaknesses secret from your direct reports? So here's a quote. Remember, teamwork begins by building trust. And that the only way to do that is overcoming your need for invulnerability.

Matthew Leland Cox 45:26
So let's talk about what he's talking to in the book. So we're gonna go in here. So being vulnerable with your peers and reports are not is not comfortable it is. It's just not don't mistakenly believe that she lost credibility when your people feel you're comfortable of challenging their your ideas? Do your people feel comfortable challenging your ideas and decent decisions? Or do they really round rally around you and and give you opinion, opportunities, opinions and conflict with one another, only when it is POLOP politicking? So what he's saying there is, are you so worried about the trust that you're creating politicking among your, your own direct reports, because you're not willing to show up and be vulnerable and say, Hey, we got to solve this. I'm not quite sure where to start, but I need your guys's help, let's start coming up with some ideas. So here's the vise of the author. He says encouraging, he says, Your ego as a CEO, this is he says your egos your issue. As a CEO, this is the greatest level of trust that you can give, they will return to you. So he's basically say, get rid of your frickin ego. And it was with respect and honesty with your desire to be vulnerable among their peers. This is all the research because Patrick Lencioni, when he researched, he said the greatest CEOs were the ones that showed vulnerability. And he said I I really respected those. And then among your peers, how can your people you treat you because it shows that you're more human because you got there. Just because you're leading an organization doesn't mean you're better than the other person. It's just you just went and pushed as a purpose driven person and got there. And there's many other people can do the same? How can your people help you achieve more to create an environment where people are someone is inspired to give their best you got to create that environment and content and use today to schedule a you know, so think about that, if you want to explore that, how do you do that?

Unknown Speaker 47:51
So, you know, reach out, reach out, you know, get on my calendar on Calendly. And we'll talk about how you do that. How do you achieve these things? Great demand strategic discipline, to build an enduring, great organization. This is what he says requires discipline, people discipline thoughts, discipline actions, to produce super results and make a difference or an impact in the world. discipline, discipline. So he said discipline, a lot of times they're over a long period of time, not short, long period of time. And so that's kind of where he's talking about. So in this in the greater good. He talks about this build up breakthrough, we break through the ceilings, discipline, people that come in and say, Hey, we're going to be this discipline thoughts, we're not going to be drama will people we're going to stay out of the drama, we're going to talk about it, we're going to have healthy conflict, we're going to have, we're going to not do titles, we're going to do make sure that we're really pushing what needs to be done in the organization that's better for the organization. So as we do this, so back to a discipline thoughts to discipline people. So we have to make sure we're doing these things to get the focus. So consistent meetings, winning habits, displaying, you know, how do we do that? What are the three matrix? So prior to matrix meetings, your meeting pulse, those are the three areas you're going to hit. So I want to end on this to get to where you need to to have that winning habit. Three strategic disciplines I'll leave with you is priority. How do you get that you got to have clarity and priority? Making sure you have an accountability chart? What is that? You know, reach out, and I'll help you figure that out. And then what are the matrix you're tracking? And then what is the meeting pulse? I think the struggle I've seen in all even my own organization, is that meeting rhythm? How do we be disciplined to make sure we're having that meeting? Rhythm and getting that discipline going. So that's what I have for you today. I hope it was insightful. Again, this is a book, I really recommend Patrick Lencioni his books, he has one that called the Four obsessions is a great book, I recommend that one, that'll be the next one I review. But in this, you as a leader, as a CEO, if you're listening to this, as we've come to the end of the show, I challenge you stay away from the five temptations really get to know Him. And if you do just that, if you take away from this show, these five temptations, I lead you to a good book, I did my job. And anything else you need. Reach out to me, I hope to hear from you. And I was always as a leader, continue to do it on purpose, and help lead those that you're over. Make a difference. Don't be about status. Don't be about popularity. Don't try to have certainty to make decisions. And definitely don't try to make harmony to to make your team feel better. Help them to have healthy conflict and solve things and be vulnerable. Just like you shall hear. I'm not the best reader out loud, you saw me stumble, I'm going to stumble as a leader doesn't matter if it's from there, or whatever. I don't care what kind of degree you have. I don't care what kind of person you are, I just care that you care. And so think about that. Just because you're more status driven, or you're at a status level doesn't mean you're a better than anybody else. Is this is leadership, get out in front, hold the banner, teaching how to have character this is what a leader does, is you're teaching your individuals to have character most of them come in, and you got to teach him what that looks like and what you expect. Be clear, clear roles, clear expectations. And that's it guys go out and do what you do. And lead. Have the courage to lead differently. Take care. I'm Matthew Cox, your host. Until next time, hopefully you're just rocking it and I'll talk to you guys later. Take care.

Matthew Leland Cox 52:13
Hey, guys, thank you for listening to the Purpose Driven Person podcast. If something I said today resonated with you head over to my website. I'd love to give you a free gift to download. But you can also email me at purposedrivenperson@gmail.com And don't forget to head over to iTunes and leave a five star review. And remember guys, always continue to push your dreams and never give up. I'll see you next time. Take care

Transcribed by https://otter.ai