Episode 130: Overcoming Boundaries for Healing and Self Love with Anaiis Salles

You are listening to Physical, Emotional and Health Secrets with your host, Amanda Elise love. Whether you're dealing with autoimmune problems, sleep issues, trauma, mindset blocks, or any other health issues you are in the right place. In this show, we cover all of these topics and more. Amanda is a registered holistic nutritionist who teaches women how to cook allergy friendly, healthy meals and integrate a holistic approach into their lifestyle. She has made it her life's mission to teach others who are suffering, how to lead a more holistic life. We are so excited to welcome you to the show. Now let's get to improving our health.

Hi, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. And if you don't know who I am, my name is Amanda Elise Love. I'm a registered holistic nutritionist. I teach women how to cook simple how the allergy friendly booth. And I also help with your sleep, your fatigue and your pain. So I want to welcome to the show. How do you say your name?

Anaiis Salles.

I love it. It's a beautiful name. Thank you. So I want to know, what is your backstory?

Oh, the backstory is that I was very fortunate to be born into a family that was fairly tolerant of me choosing to be me, which was challenging. But they were very gracious about that or generous for the most part. And so I was growing up in a pretty solid family and brother and a sister and mom and dad and doing well in school. artistically talented, musically talented. So I got to explore those things with a lot of support, which was wonderful. Because my early life, and then I was awarded a scholarship for art to go to college. And within the second year of that, because I had been dating someone, we decided to get married. And I did the usual things that people do. Well, it just carried on. And I gave birth to one child beautiful experience. Absolutely wonderful little boy, terrific. But then after the birth experience, because my husband and I decided on what kind of birth control we want to do for family planning. And we knew we wanted to wait two years for a second child. That decision actually led to some really serious health problems for me, and I almost died. But that time that challenged by challenge grew me into a whole new way of being that I didn't know anything about because I was sick, and absolutely fatigued. Finally, I was fortunate enough to get a good diagnosis, which was that I had developed a systemic fungal infection and I basically a year and a half, and nobody knew what it was or what to do.

That's crazy.

Yeah, it was crazy. It was pretty weird too. So by the time it got figured out, I was down to like 80 pounds. And one of my kidneys was failing. And I really couldn't do much. So my husband would go off to work and take our son to daycare, he was old enough to go. And I would just sit on the sofa. And just, I couldn't really do much more than that. And I began asking questions inside to myself, because I thought there was a very good possibility I might die. And I got great answers. And there was something about the generosity of that space where I got to ask questions, and I got answers. And then I found the doctor who found in medication and things began to turn. It was a tremendous experience. And it became a combination of what I really love, which is the combination of the spirituality and self empowered healing and the help that you need from the medical world that those when those things come together. It's wonderful. So yeah, so life went on. And then in my early 30s, I had a very profound What I didn't know what it was, it was a huge spiritual awakening. And I came out of that awakening with the gift of healing energy coming out of my hands. And within two years of that experience, I was in Moscow, Russia, working on a men's Burn Ward, where I had set up this opportunity through networking. And the results were tremendous. And I did that for three consecutive years. And that could be again, in a space where empowering people to undertake some responsibility for their own healing on a spiritual level and energy level, working alongside physicians who learn to be open to that and allow it to happen. And then me showing up sort of holding the other side of the balance, it was terrific. So that's it. And then I went all over the world and did stuff

That's interesting. With we were talking about before we hopped on and stuff about trauma. Did you deal with any trauma in your journey and stuff? Or was all the trauma with the prime,

I am a human being every human being on this planet has been through trauma, there isn't one that hasn't been through trauma. So the trauma that we experienced, from my perspective is very specific. And so much of it is an emotional reaction. That's hurtful, that involves someone taking without consent. So anyone can come into your life and begin to take from you without your consent, as you were describing in your growing up situation. And so you learn, you know, there's all kinds of ways to respond to that. And I learned to trust myself. And I learned to ask really good questions. One of my favorite questions is what is really going on here? And I wanted 100%, absolutely truthful answer to that. And when it comes, I know it, I can feel it. And I then take action based on that information.

I like how you said, asking yourself the question, because I feel like, we don't ask ourselves the question of why we're going through our hard stuff. We push it to the side, and we're like, Oh, I'll deal with it later. motional II, the cookies, or the cake, or whatever a lot of people do. Especially listening to this podcast, we all just want to just push our trauma to the side. And it's something we need to sit with and be like, can we take five minutes? And be like, Why am I so stressed out? Why am I dealing with this trauma? Why am I so tired? Why am I so fatigued? Maybe it's you didn't sleep? Why are you dealing with? What emotions are you dealing with today?

And the emotional part of it is huge people I have found in my practice, totally don't appreciate the power of our emotions. And they can heal us, they can keep us in a state of joy, or they can really hurt us and shut down our entire immune system. When that information because I think of it all as information when that information isn't allowed to become conscious. And it isn't given room for creative expression. And whatever way a person needs to have that. It's toxic.

I feel like exactly what you said about it's super toxic, and it just weakens our immune system. And I think a lot of times we think oh, it might be the food which I'm at. I do I help people with that. But it might also be your environment. Who are you living with your relationships. That's why this podcast does interview a variety of people is because it's not one thing that's is going to fix you by telling people even though the medical profession pushes the drugs and since

It's never one thing because we are so human beings are magnificent. And we are complex. It's never one thing and one of the great joys of my life is I've had the time and the learning to appreciate just how complex we are. But just how we can all transform in that complexity and grow into it and learn and be very powerful agents of our own healing back in happen.

I like how you said the complexity because I feel like, we don't think of ourselves as complex human beings. But we really are. And stuff, we just, we think about it. And we think, Oh, I'm complex, or we just are like, Oh, I'm just busy doing, I'm not gonna think about that I am complex, and I might need to work on all these different aspects of my life. What is something you think people should do to help them get through the trauma?

Oh, that's a great question. I think the first thing we need to do is recognize that we're in trauma, that may take someone a while to actually consciously appreciate that they're in a traumatic situation, especially if there's an overt like a car crash, right? So the first thing is to recognize that you're in trauma, by getting in touch with how you feel. Are you hurting? Where are you hurting? Are you fatigued? Where do you feel this fatigue? Is it constant? Are you not sleeping? Well? Are you in relationships that are challenging, that don't bring you joy or comfort, or sense of safety, we have to take the moment to really look around and say, as I said, what is really going on here? That's part one. Part two is clearly spending time feeling what it is that you feel, not running from it, not becoming a victim, you're not laying blame or judgment, or put any additional stress on yourself with self criticism. Like, what's the matter with you, you're this or you're that, you know, there's all this negative talk that most of us are exposed to one way or another, from the time were children, until we're supposed to go off and be healthy, functioning adults. So feel what you feel, I find journaling and being able to find the words for what you're feeling. For instance, you know, there's that book 50 Shades of Grey, who take time to journal and describe every aspect of the pain that you're in, because that becomes a creative process. So the third part is bringing some creative energy, to whatever your trauma is, once you recognize that you're in it, that can be absolutely getting a consult about nutrition, getting, changing the way that you move your body, dance, walking, jogging, swimming, bringing your body into a different relationship, that you are absolutely letting everybody know, you know what I love you, no matter what else is going on, I'm choosing to take care of you. And I love you. And my choice is going to be based on I Love You had your fantastic, fantastic to have a human body. Those are my suggestions.

I love all of those suggestions. So I want to know, I love how you said journaling. Because I think that's something we could do just take five minutes and just journal out what we're feeling and stuff like that. It's such a big thing. When people are dealing with pain, and stuff, and trauma and like, do you feel like it's something? It takes them a while to like work through? Yes.

Yes. And the other part of this is patience. Because another really important part of loving yourself and loving your body is patience and not pushing and pushing. We get pushed around all the time. So taking a minute, stop pushing, listen, feel, breathe, and give your body space to let you know it will tell you what it needs, and it will help you find it.

I like that and I also like I feel like when we tell our stories with our trauma, that's also healing too. Because it relates to other people and we could say, oh, I went through this. And people are like, Oh, I went through this. There's just telling your story over and over just helps you heal as a person.

When we are telling our stories, that's creative process. Absolutely creative. But we're also using the voice and the resonance of your own voice, just like your own heartbeat are really powerful healing agents. And what you share when you speak, is a communication to another person that opens up the possibility of connection. And that connection can be fantastic. And it can be healing for both people.

Yeah, I feel like we need to just tell our stories. Even if it's to someone, it doesn't have to be big to do for or anything like that.

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I want to know, so she, if you guys are watching this, she has a beautiful background. And it's life beyond trauma. So what does that mean to you?

I'm living a life beyond trauma. And it's taken me a while to evolve my own consciousness and my own emotional balance. So that I could unpack all the things in my life that were difficult, traumatic, painful, sickness, death, all of it. And I've had enough time to do that. And when we do that, with really, really, really sweet, tender loving care of ourselves and each other, we close the door to taking trauma for me is a code word for being someone who's in a relationship or a situation where something is being taken from you, without your consent. Without your agreement, it could be any number of things, but the bottom line is something or someone is taking from you. And they didn't ask you because they're coming from a space of entitlement. They don't have to ask you, somehow they assume they have the right to do whatever they're doing with you and relationships. We've all had that happen to us. We've all had that happen to us. Yeah, it could be a parent, it could be a teacher, it could be a spouse could be anybody a boss, the dynamic is one of taking. And so life for me getting to life beyond trauma is learning to come into that what I call sovereignty, that place of sovereignty. Where you don't even have to say anything, anybody who would come at you with the intention of taking something without your consent, just turns around and walks away because they know you won't allow it.

It's setting boundaries.

Right? Boundaries, you bet boundaries, or you're really good friends.

Yeah. And what kind of boundaries should people be setting?

Well, I think the first boundary is we learned from our feelings when we feel the emotion of anger or frustration. That is a signal from the body that you are in a dynamic where something is not quite right. And if you don't take the time to become conscious of it, you may not recognize it. Anger is usually your response to one of your boundaries being breached. Yeah. So that recognizing when you feel angry or frustrated, take a breath feeling to yourself and say, What boundary that's really important to me right now, isn't being respected in the situation that I'm in. Once you can identify it, is the opportunity to take another breath and carry the intention. You don't have to fight you don't have to run away. You don't have to get involved with all the vagus nerve activity, who could just stand and honor that boundary. Stand in your energy and get quiet and communicate. This is a nonstarter I won't allow it.

I like that it's taking a breath. And I think a lot of times we we just react and we don't ask, we don't think about someone says something not very nice to us or when they do whatever it is. Sometimes we just take things the wrong way. They send a text. It's like why did that make me irritated? and stuff so we have have to sit with it and ask ourselves the question why? Why am I getting angry. And sometimes, we're just tired, and we just needed that sometimes there's something else deeper, it's some other issue and that we still need to work.

And then they're the boundaries that we should recognize and respect for ourselves, you know, you were talking about food and how important it is and how how much you've learned about the way food can affect person. I had, my second child had juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, and we got that worked out in four months, and it went away, didn't have it again. But during that time, I noticed that he was having it seemed to me an allergic response to cow's milk, I decided to eliminate that from his diet along with any kind of weigh in a hotdog, any tiny bit. That protein, let's just eliminate it. Now he was a toddler. So we had to sit down and I had to be so loving with him to communicate. If you eat this is going to really hurt. Not right this minute, but later. So that was establishing a boundary for him. And you know, even as a toddler, he got it. He got it.

Very smart, very smart. He

understood that that boundary was his, I didn't have it. Other people in his family didn't have it. But that was a boundary he needed to respect for himself.

And I think that's the thing, we need to figure out our boundaries. And then put that in place. If someone stepped over that boundary, then maybe we need to just not like totally get rid of that person to maybe have some distance, if we need that at that time.

Do you distance, communication, being honest with yourself first, so you know exactly how you feel. So that if you decide to communicate, you're ready. And you can say it in a way that isn't going to be hurtful to you or hurtful to someone else? That's a skill. I hope we start teaching that in school soon.

Well, I think it's funny. It's your as you said, communication, and we don't. Now, I don't feel like none of us communicate, right? We all have communication skills, where we people just don't know how to talk about the deeper stuff. So it's very surface level, as someone who's just moved to a new city, it's very hard for me because I'm like, Okay, I want to get fired. So people who want to get to the deeper stuff, but a lot of times you're just go to whatever you're going to a church event, a social event, and it's just very like surface level.

And that can be painful, because we all want to connect. Yeah, we don't want to connect with just the fluffy parts, right?

Yeah, that's my problem right now is like, I'm like, as someone who's a health expert, and works for myself, that's been my struggle. I'll admit that on the podcast. I've been here for eight months. And it's hard to find those entrepreneur health friends and stuff. I have found some church friends and stuff, but even then, it's like, two of them aren't even, like going to the church and you. So now it's like, okay, so it's hard, because you're figuring out, okay, where are the it's just a connection with people. And we all want a community of people is up. So

We do. And I think that's one of the most amazing journeys of life that we all get to take. And it's a long journey. And it's a long journey.

I think that's the thing. It's a long journey. And I think that's what I have to keep telling myself because you feel like, at a certain time, you're like, Well, should I be further ahead and stuff. But you're really you're right where you're supposed to be, as I was talking to somewhere else, is that we he was saying how we all think we're not where we're supposed to be in life. And everybody raises their hand for that. And we all have this perception of that. None of us are, where we are or where we want to be. But we're also super hard on ourselves to at least we've moved along, and we're maybe a further ahead yesterday than we were and stuff. And it's okay to backslide. And that's what I think people need to know.

It is. And the beauty of really allowing yourself to feel all your feelings, including frustration. Yeah, all of that, and just, oh, yes, that frees up the energy of your body, you're not holding that in and holding yourself down and pretending like don't feel it. And when we free up the energy that way, and we really do hold a sense of I, I know what I prefer, I would prefer to connect. And that's, again, one of the questions that you can sit quietly and ask your body to help you find the way the synchronistic events.

Yeah, I think it's a super interesting because you're, you asked, you need to ask yourself, Okay, it's such as you just need to take a break from finding, doing doing doing and finding whatever that community is, like, I think I was push I was doing doing doing, and I just needed, I took a break from it. And I guess, so far I get asked to join something else and try something else. So. But it's a lot of like, just realizing you don't have to find everything all at once. Especially if you move to a new state.

I think you make a tremendously important point, Amanda, because in the society that we live in today, we're surrounded by media. Yeah. That scripted.

There's not that life is perfect. Like while

Yeah, even when it's not perfect. There's a scripted Beginning, middle or Anna. Yeah. And it's predictable. Even the bad guy is predictable, right? And there's a certain time period in which everything gets wrapped up and resolved.

Oh, no, nothing. Yeah. It's not real life. Yeah, I feel like yeah, like people. It's so funny. And I'll admit this on the podcast recently, I just had someone say to me, Amanda, you're not, I hadn't talked to them since 2020. They were a high cask as I think I asked. And they wanted to reconnect. And I, they're like, Amanda, you're not sharing your story. And I'm like, Oh, I'm not sharing my story. And I'm not sharing the hardships and all, all myth. This, I haven't been sharing my hardships last couple of months. And I've been dealing with some health issues and stuff, and I just haven't been sharing yet. I just, and they're like, it's okay, that's where you need to share, because you're sharing makes you authentic. And, and I'm very authentic person, as anyone and stuff. So, like, I hate to be doing that.

We're not supposed to do everything's supposed to be pretty. Yeah. Okay. And, you know,

Sometimes we we get into that habit with social media, too, where it's like, and then people call us out on it. And they'll be like, well, Amanda, and that's what we love about you is that you share your health struggles or you share all those things that you haven't wish. So all firstly, admit that on this podcast as but,

You know, that's a really good point, because we were talking about trauma. And one of the traumas that I have begun to really understand and taking my time to unpack it and resolve. Yeah, is that in my family? To be comforted? was not part of the deal.

Yeah.

So for me to feel sad or lonely or hurt, or frustrated or disappointed for any number of reasons. Those were things that I took to my room and then I worked out by myself. Hmm. And if you have that in your family history, that's another form of trauma.

That's interesting, because like, we were told as kids, we were supposed to talk about it, but we did our dad. They didn't really want to hear what we had to say that our mom and grandma who raised my sister and I, I always have this memory of, hey, you haven't shared this on the podcast. I believe it's Crazy because I've shared my story a lot, but we would come home. And there was always like a warm bath to relax us. There was always like some sort of dessert or something. Cookies, something just like to calm was there, like because we were so stressed out to the max. And we are so like overdrive and everything like that. And it's a lot.

It's a lot. And so sharing that vulnerability, to be able to say, oh, man, this really sucks. What I'm going through right now, really sucks. I'm not in control. Right? I'm in a relationship with it, but I can't right, fix it right now. I'm not in control. I feel incredibly vulnerable. And it's really sucks. That

That's what people should get out of the whole episode, if you don't get anything, is that it's okay to admit that your life is sucking it's okay to admit, if you're sad, it's okay to admit, if you're struggling with relationships, and it's okay. I mean, all of first admit, it's, it's been a roller coaster of a ride for the last eight months and stuff. And I'm not gonna say Oh, I'm happy all the time. I am super happy. And I'm very positive person. And anyone who talks to me will know that and stuff. But you have to have find those one or two people who you could say, oh, my life is not going the way I want. Or to sit with yourself. Because I think that was a big message from this episode is that we needed to sit with our emotions and realize our emotions are so big. emotions affect everything and affects like, our sleep affects us grabbing that cookie, pack cookie that candy, whatever is in the house, or emotions or like, if our emotions are out of like, or up and down and up and down, then that's not a good thing. So we got to, you got to figure out how you can prove your emotions, journaling in the right foods, getting it stable, so you could actually get past this trauma.

And I think listening is important, Amanda, and you're in the business of people come and they listen to what you have to say. Yeah. And I'm sure when your audience connects with you, you listen to what they're sharing with you. And I think one of them Nether if I were going to add one more step to the things that we talked about it would be to develop a quality of deep listening, for First, listen to yourself. And when you practice listening deeply to who you are, then being able to listen to someone else. It's such a powerful way to connect. And that deep listening has a way of opening the space for the emotions to find their way where they need to go.

Pasa I love that. That's probably something I tell people all the time is. We just need to listen to people I feel like a lot of times are we want to just tell everybody Oh, to this, give the advice. And people don't always appreciate the advice and they don't always need the advice. Sometimes they just need someone to listen to. And that's the biggest. Oh, thank you so much. This was an amazing conversation. I felt like we gave a lot of tips to the audience to take control and get past that trauma.

I'm going to do a shameless plug for my lab. Oh, we're gonna see it. It's kind of The Living Spiral of Transformation. And if you find me you'll find somewhere linked to thebook. There we go. Because these are tips that I share. And I've, it's a you can see I've got all these little tags on here because these are little golden nuggets that I'll put into an email or on to a social media post. Because the journey is long, and there's a lot that we learn. There's a lot

That is perfect. I will put that in the show notes. So everyone, go check that out. And thank you so much. This was a credible conversation.

Thank you, Amanda. It's lovely to meet you.