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In our 4-Part Series about Fierce Serenity, Jen + Jane explore finding Fierce Serenity in our Mental Body. They discuss how to cultivate the Inner Mentor over the Inner Critic, talk about how mindset can be both a driver and a stumbling block, and how to cultivate practices that support you in finding Fierce Serenity throughout your life.
The next round of Fierce Serenity begins the week of May 15th. Find out more about the program and sign up today. https://www.wearejenandjane.com/fierce-serenity
Questions for further guidance:
● Where do you need to show yourself some self-compassion?
● Have a journaled conversation with your Inner Critic and your Inner Mentor. What came up for you?
Disclaimer:
On the No Halos Here Podcast, we explore a wide range of topics broadly categorized as well-being. We encourage you to do your own research and make informed choices about your health and wellbeing. The information we provide is never a substitute for qualified advice specific to your individual needs. In listening, you take full responsibility for implementing any suggestions shared on the podcast and you agree to indemnify us completely against all consequences arising directly or indirectly from your choices.
About Jen and Jane
Jen Lang
Jen believes in the power and wisdom of women’s voices. She’s a guide for women who want to tune into and align their inner voice so their outer voice can shine; uniting physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energies into a powerful voice ready to share your message.
Jane Stark
Passionate about energetic alignment and living life from a place of personal power, Jane is a heart-centered leader, certified health and life coach, and marketing strategist. She leads others to play bigger and feel lighter by helping them see and navigate their blocks and connect more deeply with themselves.
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This is no halos here hosted by Jen Lang and Jane
Jen Lang:Stark, the place to inspire a change in your consciousness to
Jen Lang:elevate the world. We're to heart centered business owners
Jen Lang:nourishing our inner rebels while growing our respective
Jen Lang:businesses.
Jane Stark:No halos here is the result of bringing together an
Jane Stark:opera singer turned spiritual mentor and a marketing
Jane Stark:professional turned while being coached to meditate daily.
Jane Stark:Together, we unite physical, mental, emotional and spiritual
Jane Stark:energies into a powerful presence to lead, heal and
Jane Stark:inspire. We love exploring the shadowed edges of life, the
Jane Stark:universe and beyond through honest and thought provoking
Jane Stark:conversations. Let's dive in.
Jen Lang:Hi, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of no
Jen Lang:halos here with Jen Lang, and Jane Stark. Hello, hello, hello.
Jen Lang:We're here. We have had like, a wonderful conversation already
Jen Lang:today. And IRD also shared a presentation this morning on
Jen Lang:advanced voice techniques for decision makers, very technical,
Jen Lang:and sort of Brainiac sounding title for this presentation,
Jen Lang:which actually went great. But in the sport that
Jane Stark:was more in the government, corporate space,
Jane Stark:which is, right, so you're taking this content that we talk
Jane Stark:about all the time, in a more spiritual way, I guess.
Jen Lang:Yeah, we usually talk about this content in a more
Jen Lang:spiritual, and I suppose solopreneur type context. And
Jen Lang:what I did was I took a lot of my experience and some of the
Jen Lang:stuff that Jane and I have talked about, and I reframed it
Jen Lang:into the language and framework for government and large
Jen Lang:organizational structures. And it went great. So I'm going to
Jen Lang:actually take some of the material from today and readapt
Jen Lang:it for today's conversation, which is about fear serenity, in
Jen Lang:our mental world, and meaning like the world in our heads, and
Jen Lang:the multiple voices that we have going on in our heads. So Jane
Jen Lang:was like, Jen, I think you should take the lead on this
Jen Lang:conversation, I will ask a few questions. That might be some of
Jen Lang:this today. However, I don't know, I think it's still going
Jen Lang:to be free flow, there's going to be some conversation here.
Jen Lang:And yeah, it's when it gets so fresh in your mind. So it is
Jen Lang:super fresh in my mind. And in the context of the fierce
Jen Lang:serenity peace, we still talk about this inner mentor and
Jen Lang:inner critic element. So when we offered your serenity, the first
Jen Lang:time around, and we talked about the inner mentor and inner
Jen Lang:critic, there was I took people through a meditation, and that's
Jen Lang:a lot of what we do in the program is we have a topic and a
Jen Lang:piece of material. And then we take it into the meditation
Jen Lang:space to explore it a bit more fully. Then we kind of
Jen Lang:visualization visualization. Yeah, we sort of guided
Jen Lang:immersive experience, definitely. And then we look at
Jen Lang:some specific questions around that area of our lives. What
Jen Lang:else? Yeah, so mindset is one of those things that can work for
Jen Lang:us and it can keep us stuck keep us in a stumbling block position
Jen Lang:can be impede our progress. And even in the word mind set,
Jen Lang:you've set your mind to something. And it doesn't really
Jen Lang:allow any flexibility or expansion or growth. It is
Jen Lang:directional in the sense that when you set your mind to a
Jen Lang:goal, that is a very sort of masculine oriented language
Jen Lang:around setting your mind to something or setting your mind
Jen Lang:to a specific achievement. However, if you have a specific
Jen Lang:mind set about a topic or about something, then it doesn't leave
Jen Lang:space to breathe or space for that other elements of that
Jen Lang:topic to expand on. So this is a little bit of what we wanted to
Jen Lang:bring to the table today with sort of the mental state and
Jen Lang:fierce serenity. The other thing we wanted to talk about was the
Jen Lang:inner critic and the inner mentor. And again, this is the
Jen Lang:meditation piece, but it's also so often I talked about, you
Jen Lang:know, driving the bus of our lives. And so often the inner
Jen Lang:critic is right there in the front seat beside us. And often
Jen Lang:the inner critic is driving the bus. You don't even realize the
Jen Lang:inner critic is driving the bus until you look around and go
Jen Lang:where the hell am I? I didn't
Jane Stark:sign up to seen it. That's often our default. Like,
Jane Stark:why is that? Why is it by default?
Jen Lang:I'm curious about that, too. Yeah,
Jane Stark:I think offering that it's a bit of a rhetorical
Jane Stark:question but
Jen Lang:yeah, I'm sure there's research on it I think yeah, I
Jen Lang:think part of it personally without obviously having done
Jen Lang:any any research into the into any of this I answered brain
Jen Lang:science behind it, I bet you a part of it is evolutionary,
Jane Stark:survival based survival based, you have to be
Jane Stark:on the lookout for threats. From a evolutionary perspective, we
Jane Stark:would have been trained, or our brains would have been, quote
Jane Stark:unquote, trained to be to do that threats. And, and we've
Jane Stark:evolved to a place where, you know, you've heard before that
Jane Stark:it's interesting how we live in probably the safest version of
Jane Stark:the world that we've ever lived in, which is relatively speaking
Jane Stark:of weird to say, right now. Yeah, relatively speaking. We're
Jane Stark:not out, you know, hiding from a saber toothed Tiger. Anymore
Jane Stark:type thing, but our brains have not caught up. Yes to that. So
Jane Stark:anyways, this episode was not going to be about us trying to
Jane Stark:neuroscientists.
Jen Lang:So I can put some more of those resources in the show
Jen Lang:notes back out of that path
Jane Stark:I just took my brain goes big existential questions
Jen Lang:like, yeah, it does leave room.
Jane Stark:So but I think you're right. It also, it also
Jane Stark:makes me think of something we've talked to think a bit
Jane Stark:about here on before but that you and I have talked a lot
Jane Stark:about, and I've studied is these ideas of resonance fields. And
Jane Stark:when we get really stuck, you know, kind of what you're saying
Jane Stark:about mindset, if we're so locked into something, believing
Jane Stark:that something is one way and black or white, yep, we're then
Jane Stark:kind of stuck in this on this resonance, and there's no room
Jane Stark:to move, and, and even create open up possibility for
Jane Stark:ourselves. And that sort of, I think ties into Yeah, this inner
Jane Stark:critic and inner mentor. And, you know, driving, who's driving
Jane Stark:the bus, yeah.
Jen Lang:And encouraging your inner mentor to be is beside you
Jen Lang:in the front seat. So it's not that the inner mentor needs to
Jen Lang:drive the bus, you need to drive the bus of your life and your
Jen Lang:existence and your reality. And your inner mentor needs to be
Jen Lang:beside you being that navigator and let the inner mentor be the
Jen Lang:navigator, not the inner critic. Because if the inner critic is
Jen Lang:the navigator, you're going to end up driving in circles. So
Jen Lang:the inner critic still needs to be with you because they still
Jen Lang:serve a purpose to bring your attention to risks and to bring
Jen Lang:your attention to possible roadblocks, and workarounds that
Jen Lang:you need to come up with. But the inner critic can be in the
Jen Lang:back of the bus.
Jane Stark:Yeah, so it's not about never having that inner
Jane Stark:critic or that negative net. Well, I mean, there's negative
Jane Stark:self talk, but that, yeah, that, that critic, that little kind of
Jane Stark:voice. It's there for and serving a purpose. But it sounds
Jane Stark:to me like having awareness. It's that bringing it to
Jane Stark:consciousness and awareness more and more and more so that we
Jane Stark:actually can catch it and be like, Oh, right. That's what
Jane Stark:that is. I don't need that right now.
Jen Lang:Yeah, recognizing, I think that single exercise in
Jen Lang:observing when your inner critic is driving the bus is really
Jen Lang:powerful, because it can show up anywhere, it can show up in your
Jen Lang:morning routine as you make your cup of tea or your cup of
Jen Lang:coffee. And you might have this thought pattern going of, oh,
Jen Lang:you know, I really sucked at this thing yesterday, and why
Jen Lang:didn't I do better? And you beat yourself up? And all of a
Jen Lang:sudden, you're like, Wait, how did I get here? Oh, oh, I was on
Jen Lang:autopilot and the inner critic took over. And then you can back
Jen Lang:that up and you can observe and go, Oh, no, you don't get to
Jen Lang:drive anymore, back back to the back of the bus. Then you can
Jen Lang:once you observe, then you can notice it and do something about
Jen Lang:it. Right? But if you can't see it, then how do you ever know?
Jane Stark:Okay, so if we back that up to another step, how,
Jane Stark:what are some ways to start to even see that because I think
Jane Stark:sometimes we become so tone deaf to it, as well, right? That we
Jane Stark:don't even realize that we're the language we're speaking or
Jane Stark:how we're, how we're
Jen Lang:I feel like a lot of it is tied to our emotional
Jen Lang:state. So our mental state is closely tied to our emotional
Jen Lang:state and what's happening around us emotionally, and our
Jen Lang:physical state. So like, the first question I would ask of
Jen Lang:myself, would be a did you have enough sleep? Be have what have
Jen Lang:you been eating? And see? Was it food, sleep? social life? Have
Jen Lang:you had a social life? Or have you been head down connection?
Jen Lang:Yep. Have you had that connection point? That would be
Jen Lang:like the physical thing I would be looking at. If those if any
Jen Lang:of those three things are, you know, whatever's going on in
Jen Lang:your physical life. Are you sick? You know, are you not
Jen Lang:feeling well, for women, especially where are you in your
Jen Lang:hormonal cycle? Because the hormones will also affect your
Jen Lang:ability to manage that voice effectively.
Jane Stark:Yeah, that's been a game changer for me. Actually.
Jane Stark:I've noticed that definitely where I can now pinpoint
Jane Stark:oftentimes I'm in a certain point of my cycle. And I just
Jane Stark:feel like I just noticed the mental chatter, the like,
Jane Stark:overall, like, sometimes it's like dramatizing things and
Jane Stark:becoming bigger. And then you know, I'll move through that
Jane Stark:stage. And a couple days later, I'm like, oh, okay, I actually
Jane Stark:don't feel nearly as charged about that, or the world's not
Jane Stark:ending or, you know, whatever. The thing is, that so
Jen Lang:much of that is awareness of your physical body
Jen Lang:and your surroundings.
Jane Stark:I think it's also important to I think a lot of
Jane Stark:the times though, sometimes, again, because we can't, it's
Jane Stark:really hard for us to sometimes see these patterns or the
Jane Stark:language, it's, it's really helpful to have somebody outside
Jane Stark:of you, whether that be a therapist, a coach, a friend
Jane Stark:who's really good at this, but it has to be somebody who's
Jane Stark:going to kind of call you or point these things out to you
Jane Stark:not just support us in Yeah, like, let's, you know, let's go
Jane Stark:down that path. And oh, I feel the same way too. Like, they
Jane Stark:can't kind of corroborate with you. But I've really found that
Jane Stark:really helpful, where it's like, okay, I'm hearing like, in, you
Jane Stark:know, even just in your language, that you're being
Jane Stark:really hard on yourself, or, you know, you're being really
Jane Stark:critical. You know, things like that have been really helpful
Jane Stark:for me to have it pointed out, and then I can be like, Oh,
Jane Stark:okay, yeah, I see that, and then I can start to catch it myself.
Jane Stark:So that
Jen Lang:would be that's awesome. I've, I totally agree.
Jen Lang:And having that trusted person in your life, whether they are
Jen Lang:professional, or a trusted friend or family member who can
Jen Lang:lovingly and with compassion, point out a thought pattern or
Jen Lang:behavior pattern that is keeping you small or keeping you stuck.
Jen Lang:That that is a really great step towards recognizing whether your
Jen Lang:inner critic is of driving the bus or not. The inner mentor
Jen Lang:piece that you can sort of cultivate your inner mentor
Jen Lang:needs you as much as you need them. So I think one of the
Jen Lang:helpful exercises I've ever done, including, obviously a
Jen Lang:meditation or visualization to meet my inner mentor, is to have
Jen Lang:sort of journaled conversations with them have a very simple
Jen Lang:question like, Hey, how's your day going? Oh, it's going good.
Jen Lang:You know, Oh, buddy, what do you need today? Oh, you know, and
Jen Lang:just writing out very simple. Five minutes of journaling?
Jen Lang:Well, what do you have to share with me today in our mentor?
Jen Lang:Well, I really like the way it's a practice, it's going to feel
Jen Lang:awkward and clunky at first, because we're not used to having
Jen Lang:a conversation with in our head in our heads with with ourselves
Jen Lang:with us, you never know. And so, it might be that you have a
Jen Lang:daily check in with both the critic and the mentor, and say,
Jen Lang:Hey, critic, how's it going, I see that you're here,
Jen Lang:acknowledge them, because they still want to be seen and
Jen Lang:recognized. And say, you know, I'm not feeling like, I'd like
Jen Lang:to hear from you today. So I'm going to ask you to be like,
Jen Lang:right on the roof of the bus today. I don't even want to see
Jen Lang:you. And then maybe you talk to the inner mentor and say, Hey,
Jen Lang:mentor, I would love to have you right beside me. And I really
Jen Lang:need some words of reassurance today. What have you got for me?
Jen Lang:Or I just need you beside me that that really, I don't know,
Jen Lang:that's just a way to use those inside voice inner mentor,
Jen Lang:outer, sort of inner, your inner critic pieces to your benefit
Jen Lang:that can help ground in that fierce serenity that you're
Jen Lang:looking for? Because we don't have serenity, if our critic is
Jen Lang:driving the bus?
Jane Stark:Yeah, I think another exercise sometimes that
Jane Stark:I've done is just sort of that brain dump. So if there's
Jane Stark:something on my mind, just starting to brain dump
Jane Stark:everything that's going on and my feelings about it, like it's
Jane Stark:making me feel this way, right, like, and just getting it all
Jane Stark:out and then going back and reading it. And it's you can
Jane Stark:start to sort of see like, oh, wow, okay, yeah, this is my
Jane Stark:inner critic talking. Or Yep. You know, and starting to see
Jane Stark:like, the language or maybe your inner mentors talking to, you
Jane Stark:know, and starting to see the different the different voices
Jane Stark:in our head. But yeah, when we're totally unconscious to it,
Jane Stark:then it's, it's totally controlling, and we don't even
Jane Stark:realize it.
Jen Lang:Yep. So if you're listening to this, I'm having
Jen Lang:this aha, sudden realization that your inner critic has been
Jen Lang:driving the bus a little too frequently. This is your
Jen Lang:invitation to have a quick word with them and say, I'd like to
Jen Lang:drive for a while. I do not need your input or your I need you to
Jen Lang:shut up. You can always ask them to shut up. And it's just I
Jen Lang:don't need you in my life as frequently as you have been.
Jen Lang:That's probably a good way of looking at it. Then Jim Have
Jen Lang:your mental world and this fierce serenity space that Jane
Jen Lang:and I talk about. You know, sometimes our day to day
Jen Lang:activities can be so overwhelming for a variety of
Jen Lang:reasons, physical, emotional life, news, kids, you know, all
Jen Lang:the all the all the stuff that goes on in our day to day lives
Jen Lang:that that check in might not even be feel accessible right
Jen Lang:now. So I think that the easiest thing to do in that space is to
Jen Lang:go is actually the acronym halt H A Lt. Am I hungry, angry,
Jen Lang:lonely, or tired, or all of the above or some of the above. And
Jen Lang:breathe. Just take a breath.
Jane Stark:Yeah, tending to those basic needs is one of the
Jane Stark:like the core foundations. Any kind of work that we do in this
Jane Stark:space, right?
Jen Lang:Breathing and coming back to your physical body, like
Jen Lang:having a place on your body that you can touch that is
Jen Lang:reassuring, and grounding for you, I think is one of the best
Jen Lang:ways to come back to home in yourself. If things get feel
Jen Lang:overwhelming, or if your inner critic is overactive, and really
Jen Lang:excited to share lots of non unhelpful things with you today.
Jen Lang:Then come back to your body first and maybe like touch your
Jen Lang:leg or have your hand on your heart or have your hand on your
Jen Lang:belly. So that you can just come back to you here now being
Jen Lang:present. I think that's a bit of a mindfulness piece as well. And
Jen Lang:then you can ask the question, Am I hungry? Check in Hey, body,
Jen Lang:are you hungry? Nope. Okay. Hey, everybody. Do I? Am I holding on
Jen Lang:to any anger? Or any other emotion that's keeping me tight
Jen Lang:or stuck? Yes, maybe? All? First of all, is that anger yours? Or
Jen Lang:is it someone else's? Check in with that. Are you feeling
Jen Lang:lonely? And in other words, have you had supportive social
Jen Lang:interactions recently? either in person or online? Have you
Jen Lang:picked up the phone and called a friend or has a friend called
Jen Lang:you? Or maybe that feels too difficult? And you actually need
Jen Lang:some alone time with yourself? And then are you tired? Like we
Jen Lang:talked about with the physicality space? Are you
Jen Lang:getting enough sleep? Are you getting enough water? That kind
Jen Lang:of thing? Um, yeah, finding that fierceness. Sometimes we just
Jen Lang:need to dig deep to move through our day. And it's okay to have
Jen Lang:those moments.
Jane Stark:And that is part of the fierceness. Right.
Jane Stark:Absolutely. I think when we talk about fierce serenity, the fear
Jane Stark:sometimes fierce is doing the hard thing that we know we just
Jane Stark:have to do and, and getting getting to the other side of it.
Jane Stark:Yep. And that's takes mental grit.
Jen Lang:Yeah, I like that description, mental grit. And
Jen Lang:it's, it's also obviously, we've seen this so much over the past
Jen Lang:couple of years with the pandemic and with, you know,
Jen Lang:world events unfolding as they are, that mental grit is needed.
Jen Lang:But it doesn't have to be your every day.
Jane Stark:Well, and I think, yes, and it should be your
Jane Stark:everyday, right, because I think that's where we excuse me, yeah,
Jane Stark:that's where we need that ebb and flow. And that's where it
Jane Stark:even feels like fear serenity, I think that's a big part of what
Jane Stark:fear serenity feels like to us is that ebb and that flow
Jane Stark:because if we get stuck in, I think a lot of us have
Jane Stark:experienced this right? With everything that's being fired at
Jane Stark:us, especially for the last two years, it has taken a lot of
Jane Stark:mental grit for us to stay above water. And, and everyone has
Jane Stark:their own individual experiences of that. And, you know, one of
Jane Stark:the things that obviously, you and I talk a lot about and know
Jane Stark:is it is finding those moments of serenity within that it is
Jane Stark:figuring out how do we intend to and take care of our mental
Jane Stark:world and our mental body when we are being rapidly fired out
Jane Stark:with all artists? Yeah, and with a ton of fear.
Jen Lang:And it's also that's like, it's so true. And it the
Jen Lang:other piece of it is that you also have to create that space.
Jen Lang:Yes. It's like no one's going to give you that time except you.
Jen Lang:No one's going to give you that space, which
Jane Stark:is why we keep hearing turn off the news or do
Jane Stark:a social media detox or other things. It's because that is a
Jane Stark:way of you putting up a boundary to protect your mental. Your
Jane Stark:mental world. Yeah. So you So this is another, this is one,
Jane Stark:this is the second of the four pillars that within this within
Jane Stark:our program. So the next couple of weeks are going to be going
Jane Stark:just giving you a little bit of insight into the other two
Jane Stark:pillars that we touched on and kind of talking about them. In
Jane Stark:our, in our course, we go a little bit further into what
Jane Stark:they mean some tools and tactics. But I think again, one
Jane Stark:of the biggest areas is we actually we take participants in
Jane Stark:to an immersive experience around each of these different
Jane Stark:topics.
Jen Lang:Yeah, if you want to know more first serenity begins
Jen Lang:the week of May 15, we would love to have you into this
Jen Lang:beautiful space, this container to explore this more fully and
Jen Lang:more deeply for yourself. It is a program that is designed to be
Jen Lang:a part of more than once. So if you would like to be a part of
Jen Lang:this fierce serenity round, we would love to have you. It is
Jen Lang:$900 for this six week experience. And we we have
Jen Lang:designed it so that you come out the other side with a
Jen Lang:definition, a clearer definition of what fear serenity means for
Jen Lang:you. And we do that through exploring each of these energy
Jen Lang:bodies in your life. And taking you down a path where you can
Jen Lang:look at them with more clarity and the real the real gold is in
Jen Lang:that discussion in that magic. And in that immersive experience
Jen Lang:on those calls. We will put a link to the program into our
Jen Lang:show notes otherwise you can find out more at we are Jen and
Jen Lang:jane.com/fierce-serenity ad. We got it fierce dash serenity. So
Jen Lang:yeah, and obviously reach out to us. If you have any questions.
Jen Lang:We are on the socials send us a DM on Instagram. And I think
Jen Lang:that calls it for the day that you know, take care of your
Jen Lang:mental health people say so easily take care of your mental
Jen Lang:health. Well, what does that mean? What does that mean? Means
Jen Lang:you recognizing that you need the space to do that creating
Jen Lang:the space to do that. And
Jane Stark:check what it is you actually need.
Jen Lang:Yeah. Do you need more socializing? Or do you need more
Jen Lang:alone time? And then give that to yourself and give that to
Jen Lang:yourself? Yep. Because you deserve it. And you are totally
Jen Lang:worth having a mental state that is clear and works for you in
Jen Lang:every aspect of your life.
Jane Stark:Beautiful. All right,
Jen Lang:wrapping it up there. Have an awesome week. We'll talk
Jen Lang:to you next week when we cover Wait, we're going to cover the
Jen Lang:emotional body. But wait, wait, there's more. We're gonna talk
Jen Lang:about the emotional body. There's lots more correlation
Jen Lang:between the emotional and the mental body in terms of fear
Jen Lang:serenity, so we'll catch you next week. Bye for now. Thanks
Jen Lang:for joining us for these conscious combos. If you're
Jen Lang:ready to dive deeper, head on over to Dr Jenn and jane.com to
Jen Lang:continue the conversation.
Jane Stark:If you love this episode, please take a moment to
Jane Stark:share it with your friends or your network and leave us a
Jane Stark:review by going to Apple podcasts. Find us on Instagram
Jane Stark:at we are Jen and Jane and let us know what you enjoy and what
Jane Stark:you would like to see more of. We'd love to hear from you.
