#196: Legacy Series: How To Navigate Parenting: From Overwhelmed to Conscious Parenting with Robbin McManne #135

You and I know that making smart financial decisions can be challenging. But it's 21st century, financial freedom is no longer just for the 1% world. It is for you and me. The question is, how do we find time, avoid making painful mistakes, and find the best resources to help us reach our financial goals? Join me on my journey helping busy families figure out how they can gain financial confidence and clarity, get actionable tips, and learn from the best experts on how to stop trading time for money. It is now the time you started living your best financial life. My name is Anna Sergunina. And welcome to the Money Boss podcast. Hey, money bosses. Welcome back to another episode of money boss podcasts. I am coming to you today with some exciting news and a little bit of a change that I am actually excited and finally ready to talk to you about. So it's all good nothing to worry about I really rather exciting next phase of what this podcast is going to be focusing on some ideas that I've been kind of sitting on for a while and finally ready to show it to the world. So I wonder for the next couple of episodes, I want to do what I'd love to call a Legacy series. So we are approaching 200 episodes of this podcast for so last three years been awesome. All kinds of conversations, all kinds of topics, discussions, interactions, I love doing this, this type of work, I don't even call it a work. It's, it's it's a fun, exciting part of my days and my weeks. And so I went back and looked at what was really the most resonating with you, my listeners, where I got the most feedback and topics that I actually really rather enjoyed myself, whether there were guests that came on or topics that I have thoughts about. So I'm going to release this series of legacy episodes, and I hope you enjoy them as well. I am going to include a few show notes and links to kind of enhance the topics and we'd love to hear your feedback. And I'm hoping that in the next one or two episodes, you're going to hopefully start to see where are we headed with the podcast, where might be the trend now not to worry, we're still going to be the money bosses. None of that is changing. But we're going to be just taken slightly different. Additional, I think that's a better word to describe it, direction of what we want to focus on. And as you know, I am in the midst of my motherhood parenthood journey and this topic and everything that's happening in that part of my life is very important and very exciting. And so I want to spend more time talking about it. I want to spend more time finding resources, I want to spend more time connecting with all of you who are going through similar challenges, similar exciting pieces, and overall, just ideas how to be best, not just only with our finances, but everything we do as, as parents as moms as dads. So without further ado, let's kind of uncover these legacy episodes that we had over the last three years. And so today's episode is actually, if you want to go listen to the full episode, you can. It's episode 135. And it's called how to navigate parenting from overwhelm to conscious parenting with Robbin McManne. And so Robbin is one of my favorite parenting coaches. And I follow up quite a few online and so Robbin has this very interesting style of parenting and lots of ideas that I get from her I get her weekly newsletter and so she happened to be a guest here on a Monday boss podcast a little while ago. And so I want you to tune in again into this episode. And really ask yourself questions and this is this is ongoing conversation I have with myself my significant other and you know how both of us are navigating the parenthood but how how can I be more connected to what is happening in my daily life as I you know, turn off my mind for work and I just go home and I am a mom. And so this idea of because and Robbin and I talked about this in the episode and our conversation is how do you have this transition, right where or is there a transition or maybe there's just a clear cut, cut off point where your mom and you're focusing all the stuff that you do at home and then the you know the time comes And if you work nine to five or whatever your work schedule your you know, your own profession, your own boss, whatever it is that you do while your kids are in school or or daycare. So this connects to disconnect idea is still very much something that I'm navigating and Robin has a lot of good points of how you do, how she transitions her days what she does, and one of the things I've learned from her and apply in my everyday life is at the end of the day before I shut down everything and go pick up Liam from school and you know, attend to all the stuff that we do in the evenings. I intentionally and I've done this, as soon as I heard that from her, I put a block on my calendar, like a cut off, it's like a 15 minute block at like 430 every day on my calendar weekdays to cut off, you know, whatever it is happening in my day in transition. So it's been really interesting in terms of seeing it on my calendar, when I sit down to plan my days, I know that there's going to be a time for me to actually make make a stop. And so this conscious transitioning and you know, navigating to close whatever tasks you're doing if you're or even if you're planning meetings, right to allow yourself enough time not just to like, frantically shut down your computer and run off to go do whatever it is you're doing. But intentionally so I'm really excited for you to listen to this episode. It's been one of the popular episodes here on the money boss podcast, and looking forward to hearing your feedback and kind of unveiling this next phase of what this podcast is about. And always always, if you have a minute, or even just 30 seconds, please share it with a friend, invite someone new that would benefit from our conversations here. And if you have 30 More seconds, please leave us a review. Always appreciate those and I read all of them myself and respond to all of the comments. So thanks so much money bosses. Until next time, remember, you are the bosses of your own money.

Hey, money bosses, and is here and welcome back to the money boss podcast. I guess today is Robin McMahon, a certified parenting coach who is just like you and I struggled for years to find connection with her two sons as a mom, being overwhelmed with our needs, losing her temper and regular basis made things even more difficult. She was able to find answers and the discovery of conscious parenting community, which led her to become a parenting coach. First of all, Robbin, welcome to the show. So excited, you can join us today.

Thanks for having me, Anna, I'm thrilled to be here, I can't wait to share with you what I've done and where I've come from, because I definitely was an overwhelmed, really angry mom.

I know, I'm so excited to hear all of it. So today I want to kind of focus on that overwhelmed parent, right? And especially business owners, both you and I or business owners, and our listeners too. And maybe you're just in the you know, in the career that you really love, but you feel frustrated and angry at times and like disconnected with your kids. So the bigger questions like where's that balance? Where's that peace or not that happy place? I know we're all looking for. And it's not just like a simple answer. So maybe you can begin by sharing like your path of where you are today is very different from where you were years ago, right when you were struggling and all these things. So let's start there.

Yeah so I was in a corporate marketing career for a really long time for a really big company. And I loved my work. And when I became a mom, I didn't know, I didn't know that I would react the way that I did, in that I really struggled to to be a mom, you know, and that started from my first son being 11 days overdue than having a C section and not being able to nurse the not being able to comfort him to him crying all night long to me, you know, immediately feeling like a failure. Right? And you know, and then he had some behavior stuff. And, you know, trying to find help for him and not getting help and hearing that it was my fault, which drove me deeper into depression, and really a dark time in my life. And I didn't understand why I got so mad. And I didn't understand my kids behavior. Right. I just didn't understand him. And I didn't understand me. All the while I'm trying to hustle for my career that I love, right and doing all the things and there was just a breaking point for me where I I knew with every cell in my body I couldn't keep doing this the way I was doing it like this being life, like work and parenting because I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Or I thought maybe my family was better off without me. And that meant many different things from leaving my family to maybe even leaving This Earth. So I knew that I needed some help. And I tried to get help in a lot of different places. And I didn't find help until I found the world of peaceful, conscious, intentional parenting. And it changed everything for me, because I was able to look at myself and accept who I was, as a mom sort of let go of the expectation that I had, because that was based on zero information, that was a dream. That wasn't reality. And also, I was able to accept my son just as He is, too. And what that did for me is allowed me through working with a coach myself to, to look at his behavior in a completely different way. But also to understand where I was coming from in terms of why I was so angry, why I was so frustrated, and why I was so hurt all the time, too, you know, and so, so that is what it like, for me, the change was undeniable. So I had to, I had to do this work for myself. And so I've dedicated my life to this, both personally and professionally. And my son now is 16. And I have another son who's 13. And so that didn't answer your question necessarily. But like, I just want to explain like, that's, you know, I understand the overwhelm. So what I say to parents now, is build the career that you love, yes, build the career you love, build the business, scale your business, do all the things, I've been doing those things too. And where the balance lies, is in you having some really strong boundaries, right boundaries around how much you're going to work, when you're going to end your day, and how you are going to transition from being with your business, who is a baby of yours to, to being with your babies and your family. And so there's a couple of things that I like to talk about. So one is setting a determined time that you're going to be done your day. Okay, on Fridays, for me, all I do is record podcasts. I have my own podcast as well called Parenting our Future. Yes. And I yeah, I just do podcasts on Friday. And today, as soon as we're done, I'm gonna be done my day. For the most part, I always have lots of stuff to do. But it kind of gives myself permission to do that too, right? Because I need a break. But I haven't determined time set for when I'm going to be done. And the reason you do this, so whatever time that is for you is there's Parkinson's Law, if you have you've heard of that, where it says that time will match the amount of time you give something, right. So essentially, if I say I'm done at four, by the time two o'clock comes around, if I've only given myself to four o'clock, I'm going to hustle my buttons to get done at four o'clock, because I have a non negotiable time that I'm going to be done. Right? And, and because if we don't, we're going to bleed into dinner time, we're going to bleed into bed time and then even our own time, and like, like we're working all the time, and we absolutely need rest. And it shows also that when we have a time that we're off, it shows that we're more productive, right, and we have better results because we are fresher. And we take that break, right? Hustling 24/7 is not a way to scale your business. And I've done that too, to be honest, right? Now, when it comes time to the transition. What I want everybody to do is to take a moment, you don't just say, Okay, it's four o'clock, boom, I'm out of my office, and now I'm cooking dinner or doing whatever I'm playing on the floor, I'm picking my kids up, we've got to be really intentional about the energy that we bring to our family. Because especially as moms, we set the tone for our home, right? We set the tone for our family, we're making most of the decisions, like let's be honest, right? We're not just boss, moms and in our companies, we are at home as well. So to take a moment and just check in with yourself and say, Okay, what is going on with me right now? Did I have a good day? Did I have a bad day? How am I feeling? Where is my energy? Is it high? Is it low? You know, did somebody upset me, and I might be bringing that to my family, all of those things. And that could be your boss, right? It could be a client. It could be you know, it could be anything. And so you just want to check in with yourself because you want to be accountable for the energy that you bring to your family. And so with that, checking in with yourself just acknowledging it right and naming it in terms of the brain when you name what you're feeling, which isn't easy for everybody, right? Because sometimes don't even know what we're feeling when you can kind of nail it. You kind of have that. Yeah, that's what I'm feeling. And what's happening is your brain, the left side of your brain actually releases soothing neurotransmitters to the part of your brain that's activated and emotional. So naming entertainment is really really important too. And then you want to now set an intention for how you're going to show up for your family. So is it that you know, I am not going to let today ruin my time with my family. My intention is to not let you know the hardships of today affect the relationships with my kids are my intention is to talk less and listen more, or my intention is to put work away and show up fully for my kids, you know, and however that is. So that's really what I suggest you do is really be intentional. And this doesn't take a long time. This takes moments and let me tell you this investment of time will pay dividends throughout the rest of your day. Because where are your intentions go, your mindset goes, your thoughts go, your actions go. So it's really, really powerful. And it will stop you from maybe picking a fight that you didn't need to pick, maybe getting into something that like you didn't need to argue about right, or getting emotional about the way your child behaves. Right. So. So I hope that answers that question.

It does, because one of the things that personally struggle with and then I'm sure, because it's like I've always told myself, even working with clients on their finances, and human beings just sometimes are struggling to admit, like, this is what I'm feeling right? Or naming things. So like that present moment, right? Like, the big question I have is like, how do you? How do you How are you present? In the moment? Because just because you there physically your mind, right? Could be elsewhere, like you could you could be driving home from whatever school or daycare, you're like, Okay, there's a pile of things on my list that I didn't do today. Right? Or like you're sitting at this table, and it's like, eight o'clock, time to go to bed and like, like, you know, in my case, Liam is not even ready. Because I know, I have to get on the computer at nine. So I but those moments of being present? What are some of the steps or ideas that you can share with us?

Okay, I have a couple, you know, I'm the same, right? My mind is always going. And I think as an entrepreneur, you're always coming up with ideas, and there's more ideas, and there is time in the in the day, right. And so I actually have literally, so Well, you know, nobody's watching this, but I have a little pad of paper that I have. And I literally, like if I'm watching a training on something, or, you know, whatever. And a thought comes into my mind, I just jot it down. So I don't forget it. But I also can release it. Right. And I think that's helpful. But it's also a practice. And one of the reasons why meditation is so helpful is because meditation is not necessarily the practice of clearing your mind. And emptying your mind as much as it is to notice thoughts that come in, and then just let them pass by, right. And so that's the same thing you want to do when you're with your child. So you're sitting in the sandbox playing with your son, and you're like, oh, you know, all this, this, this is coming into my mind that's, you know, just really sick, right? Because your mind won't stop. And I love how Eckhart Tolle says it in his book, a new earth, he says the mind is Maya, the mind is crazy. It really is what that means. And it kind of is it's like crazy down in there. And just because you have a thought, doesn't mean you act on it. Just because you have a thought doesn't mean it's the truth. And so you just need to acknowledge it, and then let it pass by, I really do think of it as a train of thought. And it's like, Okay, next, you know, okay, that that train car is gone. Let's just let that go. Right. And if it's really important, you will remember it right? Or like me, I'm worried I will forget it. So I've got a backup, right? Maybe you use your phone, I use newspaper, but you know, that works for me. I'd rather actually write it down, then be on my phone anyway, you know, so Yeah,

True. I mean, the same is also true when you're at work. And I have the case, I mentioned this to my husband, a lot of times, I have the case, like we're at two o'clock to three o'clock kind of afternoon, this feeling like kind of insane. Like I'm grabbing my phone, and like, I want to look at the pictures or like, we have this app from daycare that sends us notifications and updates and like, I kind of want to see him, I want to wonder what he's doing. So it's the same thing, right? Like, I'm gonna work, I'm doing things but my mind is going there right at the same time. And so I feel like I do it myself a little fixed, like, Okay, I think I'm good. He's good. He's not nothing's going on. Like, I haven't gotten the call. That seems to be the tool for me. But I wonder like, what do you think about that? Like, because you could be thinking about your work while you're with your kids and family. And you think while you're like at work, I'm like, Oh my gosh, why am I at work? Should I be spending time with him?

Is it kind of the guilt that you're talking about?

Maybe it's the guilt maybe it's just that feeling of missing him? You know, and it starts to like more show up for me in afternoons for some reason.

Well, you might Yeah, I mean, and that's maybe your mind. Maybe you're telling yourself a story that to be a good mom, I need to be with my child. That's not necessarily true. You know, look, I think moms that stay home with their kids are amazing. I think that's the harder choice. Really do you No, but at the same time, I've chosen to have a career I love working, I love my work, I think that I would love being home to with my boys who are now teenagers. So they don't need me as much as they did before or so they tell me, but at the same time, you know, you just set yourself up totally differently, right. And I think, you know, it's okay to make a confident decision that No, I am choosing to work. And this is what that looks like. But I think you've, you know, if you're feeling really guilty, you've got to look at that, like, why, like, what are you telling yourself, and a lot of times people, you know, in my experience with the clients that I've worked with, you know, they're like, Well, my mom stayed home. And, you know, that was the example of motherhood that I had or, you know, maybe there is pressure like, oh, working, you know, so there could be external pressure, there could be thoughts that you have, you know, whatever, but you're here. Now, this is your reality. It's okay. You have chosen a place of care for your child, you are still the primary caregiver, right. And my kids went to take care of the entire time, you know, they always went to daycare, right? From age one on, right, we're lucky because in Canada, we have maternity leave, that's a year long. So you know, they started at one. Yeah, it's pretty great.

No, that's true. And I don't know, it's more of like, yes, maybe there's guilt. And I'm speaking for myself, but also, like, as we talked about, like you're trying to be present in the moment when you're home, and the work is on hold or, you know, everything is kind of there. I think at the same time as you're thinking about your kids throughout your day, or your significant other, right, and these are same coping tools. I'm interested to hear a little bit about the conscious parenting that you've, you know, the community have discovered and what is it? I know a lot of, I had to look it up, I honestly didn't know what it meant. Yeah, so I knew very little about it. But I'm interested to see how that because obviously, that changed a lot for you.

Yeah, it's really the difference between parenting, out of fear, you know, and dominance with your child, to transitioning to parenting out of love. That's what it is. So the, the way that most of us were raised is in a dominant parenting sort of paradigm, right? Where kids are seen as less than you do what I say because I say to do it, your thoughts and ideas are not necessarily relevant to me, or interesting to me. And I don't really care so much about what you have to say, as much as I care about what I need you to do. And if you displease me, I will hurt you, I will talk to you with all the love drained out of my voice, or I will take away things that you love to get you to comply. And what that does, because our kids are you know, there's there's a couple things that we need to understand about our kids first and foremost, they they're egocentric and not a bad way. Meaning that they if you shake your finger at your child and say you upset Mommy, you did a bad thing. They think they are bad. Right? They interpreted as they're bad. And that starts the internal dialogue, that I'm not good enough, right? And it leads to disconnected communication where you aren't heard as a child, right? You aren't valued that that was my experience. I wasn't heard. As a child. There's lots of reasons why and lots of different things. And so what happened is that translated into me being a very angry mom, because I wasn't heard as a child. And then now I have the power. So I thought right, with my kids, and I started yelling and screaming at them. I was actually because I was never heard in my, you know, in my own childhood wounds. And I was feeling at the wrong person. Right. And so I had to heal myself. And none of that would have been a reality for me if I had been hurt. So, you know, look, it's not about throwing my parents under the bus, they do the best that they could I know that they did. And my dad was a very influential person in my life. And he passed away six years ago. And so, you know, right in the midst of parenting and the whole thing. So there was a lot of there was a lot of baggage there for me, and there still is, to some degree, but that's what it is, is it's so it's moving away from that dominant, that dominant paradigm to one that is rooted in mutual trust and respect, and in communication and an understanding. And so I always use my hands to talk a lot. And I always say that there's two sides to parenting. And so the way I explained it is, on the one hand, you have your child, you have their behavior, and most of the time parents want to change the child's behavior, right? Fair enough. I did too. And it is the practice of looking at your child's behavior actually not as good or bad ever. But instead as just communication letting us know that either there's a need that isn't getting met like a core basic human need, like unconditional love and attention and affection and empathy. And you know, there's eight coordinates of a child, there's a need that isn't getting met, there is a feeling that's unvalidated, or there's a skill they don't have yet. That's it. And so that means that all I need to do is teach them, I just need to guide them. And to punish them takes me further and further away from actually what's driving their behavior, which is the feelings the need, or the lack of skill. So therefore, it means that on the other side of things, when you look at me, the parents, right, are you the parent, okay, I'm taking your behavior. Personally, I'm taking it to mean XY and Z. That's why I'm getting mad, I'm also getting mad because of the conditioning, that I have the old messages that I have running in my head from my own childhood, but looking at why I get so mad, and then unraveling my own feelings and emotions. And what we do is we and also taking care of yourself, you know, that has to be a part of this, the number one way to manage anger in your home, is to take care of you. And let's trump the guilt, please just do it, you know, stop the negative self talk and just go and fill your own cup. Because if you don't, you won't have what you need to parent your child. Right. And so the whole point of this, these two sides is to bring them together to build that relationship with your child. And it is relationship first over anything else, which scares people because they think this is permissive parenting, and it absolutely not. But you build a relationship built on mutual trust and respect, like I said, and on communication and understanding, which means that you are your child's safe place, you are your child's best bet that they want to come to you that they want to talk to you that when they've made a mistake, or they got in trouble, or they did something wrong, that they can come to you and you're not there to judge them or criticize them. Or I told you so or any of that stuff. You're just there to say, okay, you know what mistakes can happen. And I'm just here to help you work it out. That's it, right? I'm here to guide you, I'm here to help you. I'm here to teach you. And that's it. Right. And those kids that are parented that way, with strong emotional intelligence, naming their feelings, you know, addressing their needs. They grow into the kind of people who thrive in this world, who when adversity comes their way, which it does for all of us. They have the skills in their own, you know, mental backpack to handle the stresses of everyday life.

Something else you said that, I think comes up a lot, especially for business owners, entrepreneurs, moms in general, like the self care piece, which I read a fan of days. Oh my God, that's on the that's the last item on the never ending to do list. Done. Covered get to.

Can we talk a little bit about that? Yeah. See that? And especially in the context of like, the self care, and then like the business, your business partner, the rear part? Okay, well, first of all, your list is never ending. And that's okay. It's supposed to be never ending. Right? You're not like, let's stop thinking we have to get it done. Right. It's just there. It just is. Yeah, yeah. Right. And, and that doesn't come from my own wisdom that came from a friend of mine. And she was also a podcast, guest of mine. And Gomez, who is a leader in managing your time, and, and just, you know, getting on top of all of the overwhelm. She's, she's a genius and Gomez, she's awesome. And so she's like, your list doesn't have to be done. At any time, you should be working on just the top two or three. That's it, top two or three. So that'll help you. But when I say self care, you know, people really don't know what you mean by that. Because what does that mean? Does it mean I'm going to go to the spa today? No, maybe? Yes. Or does it just mean I'm going to say no to that playdate? Because I just can't even or does it mean that I'm going to say, hey, my kids are going to spend the negative grandma and grandpa's because I need a break. Or maybe it means that you know, once a month or once a week, you go out for dinner with your husband, right? You do something that fills you up. That's what fills me up spending time with my husband, just the two of us. We have so much fun together. And we just love being together. So that's what we do. Right? It fills me up. And then I can I can show up with so much more joy in my life. But do not look at it as one of the to do list items. It is essential for your well being you know, I like to think of it this way. If you are going to choose a childcare provider and you rank yourself with that list and you Okay, so this childcare provider is overwhelmed. She's prone to blow out and blow ups and anger angry outbursts. She you know is often disconnected when she's with the kids. She's you know, blah blah blah. Okay, that is like a bit but a wake up call that yeah, I have this myself first. I know I know what you mean. And I have to struggle to, to to put myself in the equation because I feel oh, I'll just use my reserves all the time, I'll just use my grit and my perseverance. That's not good enough, because our reserves are exhausted, and we're experiencing burnout. in epidemic proportions, especially for women in the workplace, in the workplace, right? Through 30. Burnout is no joke. That's mental. You know, we're talking about mental and physical well being, they are essential. And don't you want to enjoy your life and your business and your family? Oh,

we all do sure care of yourself.

So that you can, so that you can I mean, if you don't hear anything else that I say, you have to do the things that bring you joy. You have to.

Yeah, I know. And at the same time, like, I'm talking, I'm always looking for parallels. And because I mean, isn't, they're saying that how you do something at work? Or how you do something at home? You will do you know, in the place or your business?

You do one thing? You do all things?

Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. So how, yeah, let's kind of maybe talk a little bit about that, like we, you know, the home with the kids in the family, and then our careers from our business? Like, is there a, you know, steps or, you know, advice you have for that?

So, do you mean,

if you're struggling, I guess, maybe come back to our kind of starting with our theme of overwhelm and struggling at home, right, to you feeling like that at home with the kids. And, and it's difficult. Are you really going to show up fresh and present to your place of work? Probably not, there's probably some, you know, there's probably some difficulty because it's not like you're, you just talked about, like you need to transition time you need to do that you'd like it just don't disconnect. You're not a computer. So I'm sure they're in that space as well.

Got it. Yeah, no, so I think we would, you know, yes, what we tend to do, especially as women is we do all the things, right, we do all the things at home, right? And then maybe we're doing all the things that work too, because maybe we feel like we're the only ones that can do it and do it right. But what we have to do is we have to delegate, we have to take stuff off our plates, we have to say no. And we've got to be confident in our people, you've got to be confident in your team. Right? So delegation is huge, to stay focused, to also just stay focused is for you to turn off notifications on on everything I don't see every time I get at Facebook, you know, no, I don't see that at all. And my phone is usually off, which is good and bad, because I definitely miss some calls and stuff. But I have to have it off. Otherwise, I'm like a squirrel. Like, you know, like, Yeah, I'm just like that. And so so there are some practices that you can actually use, and one is the Pomodoro. Timer. So what it is, do you know that?

I've been you're probably the fourth person in the last couple weeks that mentioned and so yes, I, I Okay, so that's a sign, right?

Definitely, yeah, you gotta You gotta listen to that. Like, if you've heard it four times, you gotta like Pay attention now, right? But the Pomodoro timer is you basically work for 20 minutes, take a break a five minute break, you are for 20 minutes, take a five minute break. And then you work for I think, 20 minutes more I forget right now, I have used it though. But I forget at this moment, and then you take a break for 10 minutes, right? And so what it actually helps to do is become more productive, right? Because sometimes we spend a long periods of time just working, working, working, working, working, we don't take a break I bad for this. And then I'm, like, eaten today, you know, I don't know, like, you know, but we need those breaks, our brain needs the brakes, definitely our eyes need a break from the screens, you know, I'm sitting in front of three screens at all times. And so we need a break. And so that's how you do self care at work to write, save yourself. Give yourself a lunch break, for Pete's sake.

I know guilty of that, because I tend to eat my lunch in front of a computer. Right? So I can get more done.

I know. I know. I know. And you know what I would argue that maybe what you really do get done. You should try one week on one week off and just sort of see like, do you get more done when you take more breaks? Right?

Yeah, my, my nutritionist told me at the beginning was you know, I started working with her that she wanted me to have meals alone in like, just 10 minutes. You know, the complaint I had is that like, just you know, with the family, I'm trying to, like, make sure Liam eats and like, there's just a lot going on. She's like, Okay, well, you know, maybe one of the ways especially lunch because I'm at work. You can just sit by yourself quietly for 10 minutes, and it just blew my mind like 10 minutes. I can get so much done in 10 minutes, right? Yeah, but yeah, I resisted it for a while but then, you know, just like happened to be sitting by myself. You know, no four Oh, no computer for time. Yeah, whatever, I don't even know how much time it was just eating. And it was really good. It was really peaceful and refreshing, right? It's like, you know.

You know you can start with as micro goals, goals that are so small that they're laughable. Like, I'm going to take 10 seconds to just sit by myself, right? And so that if you commit to something laughable like that, like, of course, I can sit on the couch for 10 minutes for 10 seconds by myself, you know, but you also get that you get that hit of intrinsic, you know, motive like it when you tick something off your to do list, right? It's like, I did it, right. So that is a great way to sort of trick your brain into feeling like more accomplished as well, right? And then you just build up, right? 10 seconds is obviously no problem. I can do a minute or whatever, maybe it's 20 seconds. But that will help you on the path to learning how to do that. Because we're go getters, there's no doubt about it. Right? We are we go go go. But at what cost? Right? I know, there are many days where I'm exhausted by the end of the night, and I don't even want to talk to anybody, because I spent the whole day talking. So you know, and that's not good for anybody. Right? You know, I want to enjoy my life. I want to enjoy my family and my husband, and you know, the my friends. So you've got to do it. You just have to do it.

You bring you mentioned a few times, like and that's the question I have, in my mind too, like, a lot of this work, especially women, we tend to, you know, take on ourselves. And if there's like things to fix, we've tried to fix it, you know, ourselves, how do you bring your significant other into the conversation, right? Because, yes, maybe there's more weight on our shoulders. And I feel it that way, even though like, you know, all the responsibilities are divided everything like, you know, I still like how, because sometimes they're not maybe they're maybe they're not on the same page.

Yeah, and I hear that a lot. And it's, it's tough, it's really tough, when you have a spouse that doesn't help out that isn't interested. And so I think there's a couple of things that go with that. One is, you know, you've got to have an open and honest conversation where you do more listening than you do talking. And, you know, say to your spouse, you know, maybe it's, you know, hey, you know, I noticed that, you know, you do spend more time on your phone than hanging out with the kids. And I'm just wondering, you know, can we talk a little bit about that, because I think you'd really enjoy being with the kids. And I, you know, I just want to know what that is, you know, like, can we just talk about it, and what's gonna happen is, you're probably going to get a lot of like, noise coming at you, right? Like, what do you mean, you know, like, defensiveness, right? You got, you've come up against your partner's armor, and they want to defend themselves, or they want to protect themselves, right. But if you can just wade through that, just wait through it, I always say it's like, be like a meal in the matrix when those bullets are flying, and he's just dodging all the bullets, like, just let the bullets fly. Don't let them hit you don't attach to them. That's just the ego. That's just, you know, that's just the defensiveness. But then you get right down to it. And maybe your spouse is like, I don't know how to do it. I feel like a bad dad, or I never learned how to be a good dad, because this is what my dad did. He just sat and read the paper, you know, our, you know, you don't let me in. And you know, or I don't feel like I'm good enough, or whatever it is, whatever it is, right? Yeah. And then you need to ask, you know, like, I, you know, this is this is something we have to do together. And of course, we should be having these conversations before we get into having children together. Right? We should be doing that too, of course. Right. And I know that sometimes you may have that conversation, and it still ends up that way. You know, but I think it I think you need to have an intentional conversation. And that really, is you stating an intention, like, you know, hey, I would really love to talk to you about how much time you spend with the kids. My intention is, you know, you know, I know that I haven't brought this up before, so sort of acknowledging your part in it. And I'd love to talk to you more. And then, you know, this is what I've noticed. And then can you tell me about that? And that's where you just be quiet? And then it really at the end of it? Well, would you be willing to try this? Or how about this, or, you know, you know, it could be something that you don't even you don't even realize is going on with your spouse, right? And even sort of starting things out with the story I'm telling myself is you don't love us. The story I'm telling myself is that you don't care about us and the kids and you'd rather be off doing something else. You know, that's the story. I'm telling myself, but I don't know what the real truth is. Right? So and we have to honor that, you know, everybody has their own perspectives, they have their own. They have their own lenses with which they're viewing the world and my lens is not the lens. It is just one of the many, many lenses out there. So the truth for him is his truth and the truth for me is my truth and we just need to communicate what that's about. Yeah.

Thank you that makes a lot of sense. That brings me to kind of the the money part question because we are a financial planning podcast, we talk about money, what have you seen? Or are there any suggestions you have? Because, you know, not like, if you're in the space of struggling and trying to find the best, you know, ground for yourself that happy plays the, the balance, how, you know, I've had numerous conversations with experts who, you know, teach parents how to teach kids, you know, smart financial lessons and all of those things. But yeah, how do you incorporate the money talk and, you know, sort of bring it in, in this balance, right? Because I, I have personally viewed this like a puzzle, right. And like, all these pieces that you kind of have to solve for, and so we can't leave money out like we nothing in life will happen if we don't have the financial resources, and you know, all the things that come with it. So yeah, my question is, like, how do you connect that one of the pieces to the equation? Yeah,

I think that we have to stop making money a taboo subject. First, I think that we need to talk about money, I think we need to talk about how much people make, you know, even you know, for anybody who's in their own corporation, I think you got to hold the company accountable and talk about how much you make talk about how much the other person makes, you know, that doesn't seem right. Or that does seem right, you know, so. So talking about it is really important. I think, also, you know, doing, you know, doing an exercise with your kids, where you show them your budget, and you show them how much you make, and where that goes to, you know, that, you know, you you know, I know you're your son is three, so he's little, but even, you know, older kids to saying, you know, you know how you just want me to go and buy you those pair of shoes. Well, let me just show you what I'm already paying for, you know, this is how much it costs for this. Right? So I think you just bring it out into the open and you make it you make it a conversation. And you can say to your kids to okay, we've got $40 to go for dinner tonight? How can we make this $40 stretch so that everybody gets what they want? What's the best way to do this? Right? So bring it in to the conversation and show them you know, one of the things that we've done with our kids is, they had allowances, past tense. And they they had three piggy banks, and they had sort of whatever they got, we split it into three. So they had spending savings and charity, right. And so you know, spending and savings were the same and charity was smaller, but still important. And so teaching them to, you know, really, to pay themselves first, right. But also, you know, that we want to give back as well. And my little son is not little anymore, he's the same height as me, actually taller. You know, he raised money. And we went to Ronald McDonald House and presented them with a check. And my other son gave a big box of Lego. And so, you know, like, it's a beautiful experience for them, and for them to get recognition as well. So I think we talk about money as an essential part of growing up, because what happens, what has been happening is our lack of talking about it has led to excessive debt, right? People who don't know how to manage money, who don't understand savings, and all of the ways to save, I'm Canadian. So the ways that we do RRSPs and, you know, whatever. Plans or retirement plans, yeah. And my husband works in the financial world as well, for one of the major companies here in Canada, and yeah, so. So yeah, I know more about that than than in the States, but still, yeah, having those conversations, I think it's really important to age appropriately, but bring your kids up and, and also show them ways that they can make some of their own money, you know, is there some stuff that they have that they don't need anymore? And they could sell it? You know, and they can make a little bit of money like that? That's, you know, could they be entrepreneurial? What do they love? Like, how can they turn that into a side hustle for themselves? Right. I think that's also really exciting.

I like those ideas. I mean, I think first of all, for all of this is just to really be open and have a conversation. It's not, it's not one of the topics that you need to not talk about. You need to talk about it. Yeah, I love that. Thank you for I mean, a lot of things. You've you said, I just did an episode, actually a few episodes on allowance and the three jars we call them jars, the same? Right? Yeah, but get given spent. So yeah, I think we're all in tune with that. I'm glad I've shared the same principles apply anywhere, right, even in Canada.

Anywhere. Yeah. And I think the most important thing is that a lot of us live in abundance. And we do need to give back. So it's, I think it's an important lesson. For sure.

Yeah, I'm glad we're teaching our kids that this note of abundance, I know that, you know, there's abundance, you know, in all kinds of ways, right abundance in your time and your energy and your presence and the financial resources and all of that. Any last minute thoughts before we close for today? Yeah.

Oh, thank you. I would just say, you know, to everybody out there who's doing it every day, cool, easy on yourself. This This does not have to look perfect, you do not have to be a perfect parent, you don't have to be perfect in your business, there is a lot of room for grace. And I would just say, you know, if you feel like you've made mistakes, or you feel like you aren't doing it, right, guess what, that is a shared human experience, you are not alone in that. And if you are struggling in your parenting, you know, we just talked about parenting, it's okay, it makes sense. And it's not your fault, you're not alone. And there is a way that you can get help if you really need help, because raising our kids is the most important job we do. And we do it without any resources, any books or guidance? I mean, there's books, sure there's books, but really for your own child, right? It's hard enough to raise a typical child, nevermind a child with extra needs. And I, you know, that's my reality, I have sort of one or both, right? And, and so it's okay to ask for help. Right? You don't have to do it all, you know, and if you need the help, you know, we're willing to get help in a lots of other areas. You mentioned a nutritionist, you know, people get dog trainers, they spend lots of money on their animals, you know, but investing in your family is the most important thing. And I believe so strongly that the way to change the world is in the way we parent, our kids. And so that is my mission. And that is my focus, you know, to help parents really, truly parent their kids in a way where they are having fun with their kids. And their kids are loving and enjoying the relationship with their parents, and that they grow up to be these adults who are kind and compassionate and thoughtful. Right, and who are the leaders of tomorrow. So that's what I have to say about that.

I'd love for you to also share how our listeners can connect if they want to hear more. What were you doing and your mission and all that good stuff?

Yes, I love that. So so everything. So my business is called Parenting for Connection. So parentingforconnection.com is my website and I and my book is called the Yelling Cure. And you can go to yellingcurebook.com If you want to check out my book, which comes with a bunch of resources, so you're not just left on your own with just like information, you're actually left with some really valuable tools and a whole implementation guide that includes how to take care of yourself, by the way. And then I have a podcast too. That's called parenting our future. So you can find me anywhere there. Or just look me up Robin McManne and you'll find me I'm kind of everywhere.

Thank you so much, Robin. This has been definitely insightful and I enjoyed our conversation.

Thank you so much, Anna. Thank you.

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