We may not always get what we want

My suitcase was packed, tickets, and plans carefully laid in place. I had said from the get-go that I was not doing Christmas.

Last year, Christmas was painful enough, wondering if it would be our last, and still not believing that was even possible.

But lasts often lead to firsts.

I desperately wanted to escape the on slot of emotions that could arise from decorating the house and celebrating the holiday season. As the holidays were arriving quickly, a stream of rocky emotions did to.

I thought by leaving my life behind… but is that even possible?

I cried when I booked my solo flights, accommodation for 1. I noticed that I thought about my bookings differently, daytime arrivals, prearranging the different legs of my journey, with safety as a consideration.

I never recalled considering that in the past, with my extra-large husband by my side.

As I opened the suitcases, two round black neck supports in zippered bags stared back at me, stopped me in my tracks. Shaking my head in disbelief that the smallest of things can bring me to my knees. Like cold water hitting me in the face, reminding me that my life had changed.

But still I pushed forward, thinking that a change of location and the memory of wintertime away from home would help me feel normal. It had been a remarkably wet fall, the world seemed to be crying at my side, and I could hear Willis in my mind; pleading with me to lean on the side of joy. I was looking forward to feeling the heat of sunshine on my face.

And Helen Keller’s quote, if you face towards the sun, you will never see the shadows.

But truly, would exchanging grey for sunny skies somehow make me forget my new normal?

But some things still do..

For the past 180 days I have continued our morning ritual of a slow start. As I begin to make my coffee, I often tuned into some sort of personal development audio, massaging my mind and fueling my own transformation, by set my intention for the day. To lean on the side of joy..

Today, I was listening to The Eye of the Eye, Dr. David R Hawkings. A favorite of mine and today the message was stark. How life gives us what we need, todays audio; drastic life experiences, the loss of a spouse or a child and how some recover themselves and others do not.

We don’t always get what we want, we get what we need.. thank you, universe.

As the messenger dropped deep into the philosophy, psychology, and metaphysics of emotion; the body has no understanding of itself, rather it experiences sensations. But sensations have no awareness of itself, it requires the mind, yet the mind has no knowledge of itself, it requires something beyond itself, called consciousness.

Consciousness can be defined a few ways: the mind having awareness of itself and the world. Or awareness of its perception of itself or something.

The idea of this is like any letting go technique, is based on disassociating from labels. There are several methods I use to help my clients free up the incarcerated energy of emotional pain.

But, whenever there is a label, we accept that this is us, and we FEEL it, live it, and embody it.

So how do we begin? By identifying the label. I notice a feeling of anxiety. Rather than I am anxious. You can imagine yourself now, saying each of these examples and notice how you feel.

Then bring your consciousness towards the sensation, location, and then, into feeling.

From there we enter the subconscious brains download of the emotion. Our brain downloads all experiences from sensory data.

So, imagine closing your eyes and getting a birds-eye view inside you minds eye and deep into your subconscious. By being curious about the shape, color, texture, size, weight, sound, taste, and smell of that, you may tune into it.

And then you have an opportunity to explore it further, like a author of your greatest work, flow into the sub-modalities or a deeper description of each sensory description.

By fully exploring how mind understands the label, we have an opportunity to free it.

Psychologically, it is a double disassociation that is also a natural coping mechanism that help us cope naturally.

The next step requires perseverance. Being is a double disassociation, consider you are enveloped in a protective embrace. Because you are not engaged with an event or even an emotion. You are simply engaged in thinking about a color, a shape, sensation, taste, and smell.

And if you still feel sensitive, possibly you would want a facilitator to help you.

But if you are feeling ok, then gently, at your own pace and comfort, continue onward and inward, just holding the complete picture in mind as you breath. By staying with it, the mind releases the tension, and it dissolves.

What I feel after? Relief. The sensation of peace and calm fills my senses.

Like this exercise in letting go, it requires us to be present in our experience. There is no escaping reality of what is. But, staying in the moment and with the sensory expression of the emotion, it allows the mind to let it gooooooo

I know now, that by running to Mexico, I could change my surrounding for a period. But we all know, that wherever we go there we are. And I could push off healing for another year, but why would I want to push a “first and the pain of it” into another year. I know through experience, that nothing changes unless I change… and that means growth.

And so, I made the choice, with the updated travel advisory, not to travel, yet.

The gift in today’s experience? That life usually gives us what we need, not what we want.

And possibly, to embrace life fully present, as it is. Both the happy and the sad. I truly believe that we were not meant to live with emotional pain, it’s just that we haven’t been taught HOW to let go. But in letting go, we not only grow, but we free up all that locked energy and make it available for us to express and live the life fully in joy.

Today, I choose to remain in place and experience life in a new way. It will be different for sure, not alone, I will be surrounded by friends and family.

I’m sure there will be some tears served for dinner, along with some laughs, hugs, and a whole lot of memories. Xoxox stay well out there, Adele Yes@lifecoachadele.con

Know someone who is grieveing and could use some support? Connect 1:1 here: https://live.vcita.com/site/pj6nd2nw1oky5ogs/online-scheduling?service=0ysw6r3k4pmbqj6z

More Mind Your Freedom: The price we pay for love