Success is often built out of of Failure

You probably already know so I don't have to tell you, that the fear of failure interferes with decision making. When choices are made from fear based psychology, we can witness an important psychological process.

For example, I want to become Vegan, so I won't get sick. By identifying how we make decisions opens amazing insight into our psychology. www.lifecoachadele.com

Using words indicating we are moving away from something, is fear based.

But even more significant, what if we move away from choice. Keeping us stuck and uninspired.

What else keeps us stuck? Worry. Did you know that 90% of the things we worry about never happen? And we already know that worry is stress. That means negative hormones and chemicals in our blood stream. And these chemicals have an impact on our health.

So, let's look at fear. A dictionary definition sounds almost benign. Listen to this! Fear is an uncomfortable sensation or emotion caused by a belief that something or someone is dangerous to our well-being.

The big reveal for me is the belief. Knowing that negative beliefs are the number one cause for us not pursuing our goals! So, what is a belief?

It is something we trust or accept as truth. It is often learned or installed during our upbringing. The biggies are cultural, religious, political, racial, societal belief systems. And they are deeply ingrained in our psyche. But are they real? Not necessarily.

Why? Because our beliefs are simply perception. An individual's perception is a fluid, every changing estimate of the truth. oftentimes attached to fear. 

For example, when we are young, we are surrounded by our immediate families. People that look like us, dress like us and speak the same language. Without wider ethnic exposure we may begin the believe that the culture that we know is better in some way, from one we are not familiar. The us verses them creates a divide deep within our reptilian mind.

A brain that tells us to feel comfortable with what we know and afraid of the unknown. For what we are unaware of may be of danger. And danger is fear; fear is stress; which creates negative physiology. 

And we feel stress inside our body. Knowing now that it can change pathology. Understanding that it may stop us from moving towards our dreams.

The uncomfortable sensation that rises in our body when we try anything new is normal. The more we experience and the more choices we make, the more comfortable we become with our mind discomfort associated with change.

Remember when we were kids and went to the pool or lake. Mom kept reminding us how dangerous the water was. We could drown! Careful near the water becomes ingrained in our mind. Danger!

But soon the water becomes a place for play. We become comfortable with water as we learn to swim. The fear dissipates from our mind. 

So we see how the unknown can transition into known, removing the uncomfortable sensations of danger, replacing it with joy and laughter.

But what if we never learned to swim. We continued to let our fear stop us from enjoying the water. What if we looked at the water and only felt danger? We would then choose to never swim, never feel the buoyant nature of swimming.

Default living is created when fear stops us from experiencing much in life. Dreams may be set aside or lost, often resulting in lost potential, dissatisfaction and unhappiness. 

Here are some hypothetical examples. Someone that didn't go to college because they couldn't choose which school or study. Or didn't write the resume for the perfect job, because they thought there would be too many other qualified people trying. Or didn't ask that special person for a date and then that person met someone else. Or a more common one, putting off that trip to Europe and it never happened.

Facts are many live in default mode. Just letting life pull us along, rather than actively choosing what happens in our life.

Why that is? Because choice initiates action. With each choice we change the trajectory. Then other choices become available to us from the previous one. And pretty soon; like the rocket ship's trajectory that is continually corrected; it reaches its destination as planned. 

Where the default style of living, would allow the wind to blow it off course. Without a chosen destination, dreams may remain unrealized.

For example, when a trip is planned, we figure out where we want to go. The location, when, length of time away, arrival and departure times. We coordinate our baggage, transportation, hotel, excursions etc. We plan our trip and typically our trip goes as planned.

Life is like a vacation, only longer! And planning and choosing is essential.

Knowing that every choice that we make based on the inner workings of our mind and what makes us feel comfortable. So, removing as many unknowns as possible allows our mind comfort, reducing stress, improving sleep and facilitating dreams.

But on top of all of that, the facts are that our brain does better by choosing. When we waffle between choices, our body and mind feel unsettled. Even a little choice initiates ease.

We may have all experienced, waiting for someone else to make a choice. Your next move dependent on someone else's choice. And there we are, stuck in limbo. It feels uncomfortable, waiting. We will chat more about this later, but for anyone that has experienced this, we can understand how not choosing is a form of limbo. 

What else interferes with making great life choices? Conscious language. First, become aware of the stop words in our vocabulary. Stop words are big signals to lost potential and setting us up for failure.

What are stop words? Words that eliminate choice or say absolutely, that something, is a certain way. Can't, won't, every, never, no, should, shouldn't, doesn't and always, just to name a few. These commonly used words indicate excuses to either, not to move forward or suggest that something is impossible.

If you hear someone say; I've tried that, and it never works out. I'll never get accepted, so why should I try? Understand that stop words in our vocabulary, could allow us to take the easy way out, a way of being that doesn't push our boundaries and demands even less. Internally, stop words shut down our minds ability to source what could work.

Without awareness, it sounds so benign, but understand that our brain believes us implicitly. And subconscious solutions, choices, behavior and action will result from these words. They reveal more about our insecurities and beliefs than we first considered. 

And time passes, as we continue to live a life by default. In the end, does default living make us feel fulfilled? Do we live the life of our dreams, offer our greatness to the world? No.

But backtracking a little bit. I mentioned feeling in limbo. A place that is between two places. We know this feeling. When our thoughts and plans have moved forward. Our mind has left where it was before and is waiting for the future place, we will be. And then there is that "in between" place of waiting. It feels unsettled. It also has this unknown quality about it. And the longer limbo lasts, the less fun it is. Limbo feels like something is missing, stuck or wanting.

And this could be similar to when we are not choosing our best path, but instead living in default. We are in a behavior loop. A cycle of repeated behavior. Like driving home in your car, and not remembering the drive. Our subconscious mind was driving a known route while we were thinking about our day or planning dinner in our conscious mind. 

But for the sake of conversation on default living, let's consider the emotion of worry. We can witness our minds run through a well rehearsed pattern of thinking that we are known to use, when we worry. All the things that could happens. May happen, may never happen. At lightning speed, our mind searches and finds what made us feel good that last time you felt this emotion.

Maybe the resulting behavior was to go out and but cheesecake? Or have a cigarette, drink alcohol. Some make bigger patterns, like changing jobs, homes, cities. Maybe by a red sports car and  change relationships! Maybe it was a run in the park. And that is what we do. Rather than become aware and chose something better, we allow our subconscious mind to run a pattern of behavior.

But lets' look at ti another way. Imagine you just brought in a bunch of veggies from your garden. A bit of dirt, a worm or two, inedible ends of head and tails. It all goes in the sink and what remains is compost and a dirty sink.

So we do that too. Clean the sink and place of the dirty bits into the bin for compost.

Would you consider the bits wasted? Or useful for a healthy garden. You see experience can be like compost. The experience we gain, is never lost, even when unpleasant. Everything becomes usable in some way.

When it comes to cleaning vegetables, we know exactly what to do. But how about our mind? What about all the soil and dirty bits in our mind? They can be related to the hurts, loss, pressure, stress and emotional baggage. 

And we leave it inside our brain, instead of allowing it to be released, washed away. And then we wonder why, when we ask our mind for a good choice, we feel paralyzed, muddled, unclear and question our own wisdom.

So, let's figure it out. Consider thinking of it in a different way. One that clears the mind and supercharges our choices.

One way I would recommend is to know your meta model and meta programs. These are the subconscious functions working inside your mind for every decision you make. Next, when you come to a junction in life, consider removing the emotion from your choice, by thinking about the situation in third person. use cognitive functions to stay in your neo-cortex. So, writing down your thoughts, pros and cons; or identifying thoughts and saying them out loud.  All are cognitive functions that remove us from our emotional brain. Consider talking with a trusted adviser. Brainstorm all your options. 

rust your gut more. What has your gut saying? I find intuition is often discounted. So experiment by tuning into your gut response with both best case and worse case scenarios.  Allow yourself to worry less and trust your intuition more.

Because, did you know we have as many brain cells in our gut as we have in our head? 

Then,check the words you are using in your self talk. Do they indicate an open mind?

And then consider the "perfect" word. When is something perfect? And perfect is also a future word, meaning when I make it perfect, once it is perfect then, so perfect often stops us from making choices.

When all else fails, then I would like you to remember a time when you were very young. Recall when you were learning to walk. How many times do you think you fell? One thousand times? Ten thousand? 

On your butt, face first, off a chair, down the steps, bumps, thumps and scrapes. Over and over you tried. Maybe there were tears or frustration, but each time you figured it out a little more.

You got better, better balance, better strength. You learned the ropes. There were times when you took someone's hand, asked for help and help was offered. Other times you caught yourself just in time, teetered for a few minutes and then kept going.

Did anything stop you? No! You kept getting up until you learned to run. Yes you did!

And there you have it. You already know how to do this, because you have done it a thousand times. You got this.

And the fact is, that success is built on failures. Failure is just a word for try it another way. A different way. 

So if you are there, right now. lying in the dirt, I encourage you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back in the game. 

It is out of the dirt that dreams happen. This is where we dig deep and make it happen. It may not be easy. It may not be perfect, but it is a choice to say, I can and I will.

Or is there something else? Maybe you weren't sure before today, but know you know? Or you are ready to figure out what is stopping you from reaching your dreams.

So, take a deep breath, reach out your hand, knowing that together we can make dreams happen. Be unstoppable.

Give me a call, I promise to catch you if you fall.

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Adele's bio: I live through passion and purpose. In love with neuroscience, drawn to the power of the mind; as a survivor of a plane that crashed and flipped in water. What I experienced while drowning. The stuff I now know to be true.

I consciously live my values. Being clear about what I do and don;t want. Living a life I love waking up to every day. 

I thrive on learning, growing and expanding my awareness so I can embrace all that life has to offer.

My clients are successful professionals looking for or going through change. They want to be listened to and are looking for a personalized caring approach.

If you are tired of repeating old patterns of behavior.

Feel stuck. 

Experience uncomfortable or imbalanced feelings in your body.

Wake up feeling dis-satisfied. Are living under stress or simply looking for a new beginning that fulfills your inner purpose. Then you have found your safe haven.

As a NLP trainer, I create perceptual shifts, teach and provide life skills. Plus install the neuro-networking necessary fro transformation.

My multi-dynamic and personalized approach includes a deep sense of intuition, natural medicine, neuroscience, integrity and care.

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NLP Trainer: empowerment, behavioral change, accelerate and motivate learning, install excellence, improve communication and removing stress.

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