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Cultivating life skills to calm our primal instincts
Us verses them is not just in sports, but is known as a primal and instinctual brain function. Our mind loves to categorize the stuff it knows verses the stuff it doesn't know yet!
In an article in Psychology today, august 2019, Arash Emamzaden boils down the theory. Scapegoating, villainizing and a distorted simplification of a complex mind function. Psychology has a way of polarizing our perspective, he says. For example, we are a certain nationality, ethnicity, religion, gender or have a certain political view or we don't. In business we notice management verses employees. In the marketplace we also observe categories, for example, ie. we are a Mac user, or we are not.
The us verses them perspective is primal; that something or someone is unknown to us and therefore they could be dangerous. But we are no longer in the cave. Today we could categorize differently, we either are, or we are not, but recognizing that not does not need to be translated as deadly.
Greater than competition, us verses them mentality often comes with attitude, exclusion, separateness, sometimes fear and on the extreme end, hate and destructive.
So, let's take a peak into, the "inside of us". There is a certain identity attached to belonging to a group, possibly pride, and self esteem with inclusion. Different from coke verses pepsi. Being part of a bigger "us", offers us a sense of belonging. And we, as humans have a deep need to belong. Because belonging is herd mentality and again links to safety in numbers.
But how does understanding us verses them, help us regulate our emotions. Awareness is only a beginning, understanding how our mind functions and the desire for psychological safety begins to sooth our mind, shifting our perspective become key.
So how do we shift perception? One way is to become more inclusive. Calming the instinctual fears that could arise with anything deemed by our mind as, unfamiliar.
In a Forbes article in 2019, leadership styles are moving towards inclusivity, leading with praise, communicating with empathy, creating a culture of collaboration.
In simply psychology, Social identity Theory, Sam McLeod defines the cognitive process of our mind, naturally wanting to group things together. The article continues and notes and I quote; "this is known as in-group (us) and out-group (them). The central hypothesis of social identity theory is that group members of an in-group will seek to find negative aspects of an out-group, thus enhancing their self-image." Having this awareness forefront in our mind, brings attention to it, when we find ourselves focused on grouping and then being objective, shifting our perspective away from emotion and cognitively into inclusiveness.
Recently, I read an article saying, emotional regulation is a life skill, something we learn, objective perspective, and how to overcome becoming extremely emotional can provide us with solutions. In the book I am ready right now, Ryan Holiday lets us digest sage old wisdoms, revisiting, attitude, perspective and objectivity.
What I liked most this morning as I did my elliptical and tuned into Ryan's audiobook of The obstacle is the way, is asking oneself; is what I am feeling right now going to help me solve this problem. Or, is what is happening right now life threatening?
We may have all observed our self feeling the unfamiliar. Or, on the other side, I ask you to recall the experience of helping a friend, or maybe you are a coach, therapist or mentor. Why is it that we offer such great advice or have insight to others, yet when it comes to our problems, we are not necessarily as wise?
It comes down to emotion and objectivity. When offering insight or advise to a friend, most of the time we are not emotionally invested. Meaning we have two great life skills available to us; reason and rational. Become emotional and we often lose perspective.
But the takeaway is, that emotional regulation can be cultivated, nurtured and over time we experience logic over emotional extremes. Our perspective remains fluid and re-framable, meaning we can turn obstacles; like us verses them; into opportunity.
Know that there is nothing lucky happening here, this is a practice as sure as any form of mindfulness. Centuries and sages alike have revealed our ability to prosper over adversity. That we are capable of releasing pressure from our mind, as surely as we breath in and breath out, without thinking about it. And the other fact is, it takes practice!
Connect for mind practice through have a conversation with Adele
Resources from todays episode: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/finding-new-home/201908/the-psychology-us-vs-them
https://www.simplypsychology.org/social-identity-theory.html
Other episodes you may enjoy:
Ryan Holidays shares Marcu Areilius Theroy for Thriving
https://www.lifecoachadele.com
https://www.facebook.com/Iamyourdestinycoach
https:/www.Linkedin.com/in/adeleandersondch
https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachadele/
#myfreedomdomday #whatdoesfreedommeantoyou #mindyourfreedom Adele's bio: I strive to live the best life possible. I am a survivor of a plane that crashed and flipped in water. That experience of drowning and how I made my escape forever change my belief in what is possible. I became obsessed with neuroscience. Wanting to understand the power of the mind. If my mind could source information locked deep within my mind, while starved of oxygen. I wanted to know how to access and use that same mind power everyday. My experience became the driving force of my life purpose. The stuff I now know to be true
I consciously live my values. Being clear about what I do and don't want. Making value based choices to ensure I love the life I wake-up to every day
I thrive on learning, growing and expanding my awareness so I can embrace all that life has to offer. This deep desire of learning enabled a degree in natural medicine, coaching certificate and Trainers certification in N.L.P. and more.
My clients are successful professionals looking for or going through change. They are tired, want to be listened to and are seeking a personalized caring approach.
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