Identifying the blamer, victim and judge inside part 1

The day I recognized the victim in me, was the day I felt myself shift. It was a turning point, to have awareness of my role. By taking responsibility and the consequences of my perception, I was able to overcome being a victim. Ultimately understanding it is my reaction to life was solely my own. 

We all realize that no one can actually have control over us, unless we give in to it. Giving in to this illusion, creates the victim. Releasing the perception of victim was a turning point in my personal freedom.  

Truthfully it surprised me, to see the victim. And then I hear myself laugh. How egotistical of me to think I was above such things.

And yet there she was, this inner self, blaming someone outside of myself. Righteously wronged, my anger voiced itself. Stomping feet, with humming so loud inside my mind, it blocked my ability to listen, to hear another perspective.

Awareness was just a baby step, before I fell flat into an emotional well. It would take a few days of mourning my victim, before I faced the larger test, of letting go. Making the choice to change.

 I liken choice is like a large funnel. Many possible options at the mouth of the funnel, but as the gravitational flow down and out, choices changed, and narrowed future choices and probable outcome.

The bigger question was, what did I want? What would be gained. What would be lost. And would new possibility open the opportunity for the future I desired, once I figured out what that was. But on this day, my choices revolved around what to do about it. 

But before these thoughts of a new horizon were born, I remained hobbled by my mind. Unable to see my way through the tangled emotions that felt too large inside my head.

Within my mind, thunder roared its protest. At lightning speed, my mind raced through thousands of scenarios, that would most likely never come true. Because as we know, 98% of what we worry about, never happens. 

And then the divorce option, rage without thought. Barrel forward with emotional, without considering that outcome. 

The choice not to be victim to life, lead me to seek out the choices that could have the best opportunity to reach a better outcome.

At first, it was an ongoing dialogue, an active process, that was not fully clarified within my mind. 

It required perspective, different viewpoints, looking at my stuff, and listening to others.

Like many, not all choices are obvious. But they are important, because they change the trajectory of our life.

Clarity arises out of knowing our values and why they are important 1. Do we know what we want? 2. Did we understand the significance, of the outcome? 3. What is negotiable and what is not.

I couldn't change what happened but, I could influence tomorrow. But first I needed to become clear on the choice I needed to make today, or what choice I had already made that needed to change.

What needed to change first, is thinking of myself as a victim. Once I acknowledged, who I was, my choices began to clarify. Identifying and removing the choices from the perspective of a  victim, changed everything. 

I realized the victim was a lie. I had created this, now what was I going to do about it.

With my power back in place, my felt myself shift, and my future began to shift as well.

I learned more about choice on that day; as much as the day I almost crossed river sticks. Choice is real when we own know what we want and where that choice will most likely take us.

But we don't know what we don't know, until we don't know what we don't know. Before that day, I hadn't taken responsibility for the choices that came before or contemplated the potential outcome of a choice, before I chose.

I realized that I had often gone with the flow, took a leap of faith, and that had served me in some decisions, but it wasn't the best way to reach my dreams

But at that moment, I was triggered, wallowing, hurting. Living the future that my past choices had delivered.

Painful emotions drowned my ability to breath. I realized my errors from long ago, and even thought many years had passed since those decisions, I was manifesting that reality now. 

If I think back, and am truthful, there had been warnings and other life lessons that told me of my foolishness, and yet I put my future in trust, rather than trusting myself with my future. 

Never again did I choose chance, as the instrument for my future.

Thankfully, within a day, resilience began to rebound. With my gratitude practice and NLP tools I began to regain my mental strength and purpose. I stopped second guessing myself, felt my self confidence soar. 

Looking back at that experience, I know NLP was one of my greatest choices I made, for my future. Through NLP I had trained my brain; to quickly reroute from my middle emotional brain and fire up my neo-cortex.

But it took that initial effort or accepting my role, the desire to change, and for that I am grateful to have many mind sciences tools at my disposal.

Shifting between brains is like learning to drive a standard car. Just like driving a car, we become synced with the rhythm of our mind, shifting and carrying on, under control. 

Understand that when we first learn to shift, we may grind the gears. Until the nature of the shift is so fluid we barely blink.

The deeper the emotional trigger, the more need of your powerful thinker. So, shift!

As I reengaged, I found myself listening, without the suffocating weight of emotions.

Before, I would have remained the victim and ran away. Blaming someone else for my circumstance. Not taking responsibility for me. And that would only keep this pattern in my life repeating itself until I was blue.

Change is inevitable. Growth is optional, until it's not. Until the pain is so intense, we feel that remaining the same is not longer a choice. And this is where dreams are made.

#myfreedomdomday #whatdoesfreedommeantoyou

Join me for a call. yes@lifecoachaele.com