Referrals, Relationships and Collaborative Partnerships for Business Success with Tonya Gossage

Hello, everyone, and welcome to this week's episode of the marketing media and money podcast. Now, I'm really excited about this episode because our guest today is someone who pretty much is near and dear to me. We met three years ago, at an event that was online, we became accountability partners, then we became event roommates. Then we became not just accountability partners, but collaborative partners on all those things, and really learned how to hold our feet to the fire, I could share some stories with you of the time as we have spent holed up with lists of things we were going to do and our weekly meetings where we put it all together to make sure that we're doing it, and then how we brainstorm to how we're going to get it all done. So she has become a very, very dear friend. And today I get to share her with you. And I'm super excited about that. But let me tell you what we're going to talk about, because today we're going to talk about recognizing not just who you are, but who you are not and what role that plays in building relationships, communities, and your bank account. So ois not just a high performance coach and business strategist, but a multi faceted consultant trainer podcast host and a columnist for marketing media Money Magazine, transitioning from a 34 year career and executive baking. During her baking tenure, she played a pivotal role in escalating her company's assets from millions to billions. Her innate flair for growth and strategy didn't just stop there. It was the catalyst for her next endeavor in becoming an entrepreneur. Now, let me tell you that that didn't stop her. And what she does today is phenomenal. Her business perception is deeply rooted in the power of referrals, relationships, collaborative partnerships, and affiliate marketing. And her unique approach emphasizes a deep self understanding, recognizing not just who you are, but crucially who you are not. And this philosophy is vital for building self confidence and self worth key to developing a distinctive personal and digital identity that strategically boosts revenue. So I gotta tell you, we're gonna dive into a whole lot. So let's just get started. So Tanya, thanks for coming on with me today.

Thanks for having me, Patti. It's so good to be here.

I know, I'm really, really excited. So let's kind of start with not really so much your story, but we just got done hearing about how for 34 years you were in baking. That's pretty impressive. And millions to billions. I mean, that's, that's pretty impressive as well, too. But what was the catalyst, the aha moment that you just said, You know what? I'm doing it for everybody else. And how did that make you make the decision to decide to become an entrepreneur?

So Patti, the short story of that is, the culture was changing where I was. And I decided that was not the culture that I wanted to be in anymore. So I made a decision to leave. And I was actually going to go to another financial institution. And during that waiting period, I decided that I was going to go and do what I love doing, which is helping other people. And so I was going to go assist another financial institution with an acquisition, and a conversion. And while doing that, I had an aha moment of, wow, it feels good to be your own boss, make your own decisions, create your own hours, and all of the things of an entrepreneur. And I really enjoy assisting other people in my own way. And so when I had that aha moment of what an entrepreneur was, that's when I made that decision. It really, it only took me a week to make that decision. And I called the other financial institution and said, We need to go to lunch. And I told them, I'm going to become a consultant I'm going to do, I'm going to do something different. I'm going to take the leap of faith and become an entrepreneur.

That's pretty fabulous. Because I have seen over the past three years, a lot of what you have achieved, like the one common vein through all of those things, even when you were in banking, and now as an entrepreneur, and you know, your whole list of things and how you serve and support others really comes down to that you are a master at knowing how to build relationships, right? And that is key doesn't matter what you do, if you know how to do that one skill. And I think that for some, it is a skill and it is something that they can learn. And I think for others like you and I it's just innately a part of who we are and It's just something we just automatically do. Now, have we learned to do it more intentionally? For sure. Right? you hone your skills. Right. But I think that it is just something that is just crucial to us. So what would you say about how critical Do you think that referrals and relationships are, and today's business environment, and specifically the digital environment that we're in?

Patti, I think it's extremely critical. And if if I could share just a short story to tell you just how critical I believe it is, you know, I just mentioned that I decided to become a consultant. And while I was a consultant, I decided or realized, I put myself in my same corporate job that I had previously, and realized that too, was not really what I wanted, I wanted to become a coach, a trainer, and serve people differently. And while I was that consultant, what I realized I was doing, and I was doing really well. But I had not added that into my contract, and was not charging for was referrals, and connecting people through my network and the relationships that I had built. So what the point I want to make here is, I was in in that role, I was connecting prior vendors, to the businesses that I was working for. And I was connecting people who wanted to change jobs, to new jobs, to help them get interviews. And that even was escalated even greater than that. And I won't go into that full story because we could spend a while and people would ask me, What do you charge to help people do that? Because it would go on from that relationship, into helping them review and contracts, and so on and so forth. And I said, you know, that's what, that's what friends? Do. You help people get referrals, you build relationships, and you help them build relationships. And for a full 12 months, Patty, I was doing that, and the question continued to come up, what do you charge for that? What do you charge for that? What do you charge for that? And I had this epiphany of just how critical and important referrals are. And I thought to myself, I need to get out of this consulting role and go into a coaching role. Because this is so much bigger, that you literally need to teach people how to build relationships, connections, and so on and so forth. So to answer your question, people rely on growing their business on referrals, my entire business was built on referrals, and building a network of relationships. And we can talk more about that as we go through the conversation today. But even in the digital landscape. If you don't know how to build a relationship with somebody, really, in the digital world, today, you're going to struggle, you have to know how to open up a conversation, even in the virtual world like we are right now. But even in the social media world, whether it doesn't matter what platform you're on, you have to know how to start engage in in the conversation, to be able to bring someone into your own business to help them engage. If I were going to bring someone to you, I have to know how to do that. And that's all about building a relationship to start the referral process.

I have to tell you that we could just literally have the whole podcast. And we really could. But there's three key points that I want to say here. The first is I remember distinctly that as you were transitioning out and over to this. I remember one particular time that you told me that you weren't going to be able to make our Monday call. And I was like why, like I'm trying to hold you accountable. And you told me that a company was paying for you to go to this FinTech conference, and that they wanted you to be there to represent them. Like you were supposed to go network for them. And I was like, why? I'd like there's corporations and companies that had you do it. And I kind of thought it was kind of interesting. And as we kept in touch during the time that you were there, of course, I remember you shared with me that coming out of that, that you had 19 contracts that you needed to close. And you were going to make a commission on those, of course. But what I got out of that was, what if you were doing that for yourself? Right? What if that was where your contracts? Non, there are contracts? Right? What would that look like? So that was like one thing that I think is really important. And then the other thing that you said, that I think is really important in there is I'm sure a lot of people who are listening, this probably happens to them as well. But when you really know how to build relationships, that create referrals, I always like to say this is where you stop getting compliments and start getting cash. Right. You know, that's when I call that? Because I think a lot of times what happens is, you know, ask yourself, How many times do you hear whether it's in an introduction that people do for you by email, or social media or in person, where they're telling everybody how burly you are? You know how amazing you are? You need to know her, but they kind of dropped the lead, right? You know, and they don't actually tell people why? Because they haven't taken the actual time to know how to do that. Because I think knowing how to do a good introduction is literally like the gift that keeps on giving. Right, you know, and so I think that that is really important. And that's where the intentionality in learning how to do it takes you from just being a good networker to a great networker and to a profitable networker. Right? So what are some of the strategies for those that are listening, going? Oh, my gosh, people have introduced me and said that all the time. Oh, my goodness, people do tell me how brilliant I am all the time. But they don't hire me. Right, you know. So for those that are listening and thinking, wow, that kind of does happen to me. Right? You know, what are some strategies that you would say that they could make that shift right now? What are some things that they could do this shift and not just build those relationships, but maintain that because we know, that's what's important as well.

So, you know, number one strategy is, you know, staying in touch with those individuals and follow up is critical. You know, there's a statistic out there that it takes anywhere from five to 12 times, to follow up with someone and engaging with them before they're actually going to engage with you, whether that is on social or in person. But you've got to think about all of the ways. And so let's talk strategy here, in all of the ways that you've got to engage with people in order to stay connected, in order to build that relationship with them. And I have learned you sometimes you have to get creative, okay. So, you know, there's, there's the social media posts, there's the DMS, there's the doing a video, and if you've got their phone number, phone numbers are so easy to get today, send them a video message, send them an email, post on their wall, if you if they're, if their social media is public, go like some of their things. Be in that constant engagement world with them. Act like you like the person, you know, don't just have one conversation with them. And then ghost them. You know, I'll share with you one of the things that in another situation that I did where I was hired to, to go to another conference and just Scout nobody knew I was scouting, but I was looking for nine companies to partner with another company on and this was a they were set. There were booths set up. I just went and talked to multiple people at these booths, acted like my I was there for my own business. I asked them what they did, who they were just a lot about their business. I got their business cards, I came back and engaged with them on LinkedIn. I started conversations with them. They had no idea what my intent was. Until I was ready for them to know what the intent was.

Was serving them first though I was serving them you and serving them. Because a lot of times you don't even know one conversation with somebody that they say something does not tell you exactly where it's it'd be I don't know how many times I've had conversations with someone. And then weeks later, you know, I'll see something they post on social media, and I'm thinking, Oh, wow, that's the thing, right? But if you shut it down, or you do one conversation in the bong, then you really don't know, I always like to say for myself, that I keep on having conversations to I find the way to serve you like until I, you know, I'll have a conversation. And if immediately, I don't think of somebody, which doesn't happen very often. But if it does, it's like, oh, well, we didn't get deeper, you know, like, maybe our call was only 30 minutes or 20 minutes, right. And then I want to have another call. And I'm going to continue that conversation until I know how to serve them, whether it's an introduction, or a referral, or invite them to a community that I think would help them or to give them some type of value that I can or introduce them to somebody else that can. So I feel like knowing how to have good conversation, like you can do it in 10 conversations. Or if you're good at it, you can learn how to do it in one or two, if you know how to ask the right questions.

Well, so let me share. So let me finish this particular strategy here. Because what what is so awesome about this is just having that little bit of engagement, going out tolling Dan, and doing what I did was when I finally get sent to them, you know that I am looking for nine people to partner with this company. They were like, Wow, I love the way you network. Because, again, they thought they thought that they were gonna do some type of business with me. Not they were but they weren't right. And so Patti, to say all of that, those people, not all of them, because there was 11 people that I really, really engaged with. And we only took nine of the 11. But here's the thing that I want the audience to get out of this, what I did, and the value and the posting that I did for them. Those people still engage on my LinkedIn today, it's been two years since that transaction took place, I still have a relationship with those people today. And I can promise you that if I were to reach out to one of them and ask them for help with something, they would do it for me, they would do it for me. And so that's what, that's how building your relationships and your networks do for you. But it comes with serving them first. And so that's the strategy. That's the main strategy in it all, is give, serve, provide value.

I really believe that, you know, one of the things that I have always done, and it still makes me laugh now, because it's a strategy I've been doing for a long time before people really started talking about it, right. But I remember, one of the things that I would do is when people would send me a request, right when they sent me a request, and we connect, so I always want to provide some type of value, right? And I always want to know, why did they connect? Like, you know, so that's always kind of part of the things like why did we connect? You know, from your point of view, I know when I'm very intentional, so I know why I've would have right. But then one of the things that I do in a follow up with them is basically, you know, kind of like the strategy that where you're like, Oh, if you like this and you'd like that, right? Right, I always like to say to them is like you know, if you wanted to connect with me, and this is the reason why you said that you would like to connect with me, here's five other people that I can tell you that if you want to connect with me, you probably want to connect with these five people as well. Now, here's the part. That's kind of funny. I thought when I got the response back, and they would be like, Oh, wow, that's really great. Patti, thank you so much. And then they would connect with those five people, I would do intros for them if they wanted to. But you know what, that wasn't the biggest thing that happened from that. That was my goal. But what came from it, which kind of blew my mind and really opened my mind up years ago to the potential is what they said to me over and over and over again was Paddy, how do I get on that list of the five people that you introduced to other people that you say, if you know me, you know, you might want to know them. So it wasn't even that they wanted to be introduced to those five people they did. But those that saw the bigger picture, were like, wow, what would we have to do? What type of relationship would we have to build that you would feel comfortable having me on that list? And I literally had a list of like 20 I've just picked the five that were appropriate for them. And I still do that strategy. But it was kind of funny that from one strategy actually came a better strategy even that came from what the results were, that came back to me from people seeing what I was doing. So I feel like that was kind of the eye opener for me years ago, that really made me realize that if you are a connector, it is literally better to be able to when people know you that you know how to connect when you become the go to person when they say, Oh, let me go to this person, or let me go to that person. Kinda like how you have always been for me, whenever I'm looking for things. And I'm like, okay, Tanya, here's what I'm thinking about doing. Like, what do you think? Right? You know, and it's because you and I, like you were you have a lot of systems, you know, because of your background. And so a lot of times when I'm always looking for from you is for you to poke the holes, right? And say, you know, no, Patti, this one isn't because of this, right? Or it isn't because of that, or Oh, no, we should do it. And one of the things I've always found is every time it's a should we both do it. That's kind of like one of those things. So now let's kind of talk about like online and offline when we're doing relationship building. Now, I had a friend who said something to me once, and I never forgotten it. And what she said to me was, she said that when you are building relationships online and offline, right, that you want to treat them equally, but not identically. And I love that quote, right? Equally, but not identically. Right, you know, so obviously, they're equally as important have an online and offline, but you do have to build them a little bit differently. Right? So not identically, right? So a little bit differently. So how are you seeing how you're building relationships online? And offline? What are you doing different and the same?

So you know, obviously, in today's world, I have many more online, virtual meetings and networking meetings online than I do offline. But I do have in person networking meetings, what I'll tell you the difference for me, and I feel like, I don't know how other people feel. And it may be because I am such a relationship builder. But I feel like I can build some real, authentic social connections, virtually. But what I love about in person, is that true social connection, in the in person, not everybody is a hugger. Not everybody is, but I am a touchy, lovey feeling type person. And what's interesting is I can go from a virtual meeting in my community and see them in person. And I feel like I've known that person for years. And in this, like, I go straight for the hug because it's like I know them. But even if I don't know them, that connection feels different than that virtual connection. Because there's something about a bond that you have when you see somebody eye to eye, or body to body is there's just Yes, heart to heart, there's so there's just that energy that you have when you have a face to face connection. And I know that more and more people are getting back to face to face. And I love that. I have to tell you that 2020 did do some work on all of us. I sometimes have to force myself steel to get out and about I love face to face connection. But I have to force myself to get out and not be a hermit because I've gotten

hired or work on. Yeah, I have to work on that have to work on that a lot, because we do get used to doing it virtually. And of course, there's always the convenience of you don't have to drive anywhere, right. You know, that's kind of nice. But I do believe that the heart to heart connection really matters. I know that for myself in the last year, I've got to meet in person, three distinct people who I feel are super important in my life, like I love them. And the impact they've made in my life and business have been amazing. And I just met them in person, like this year, but I have been friends with them online for like years. And what I really love is if you do it, right, it's like what you just said when you meet them in person and you get to hug them. And it's just like so validating and it's just like all the way to your soul when you find out that oh my gosh, it's exactly the same. That's how it was when we We finally met in person, right? And, you know, when you finally meet, and you're like, oh my gosh, it's exactly like the conversations that we've had. And I think a lot of that is opening yourself up, and realizing that all those things take time and the conversations, right that we have. And a lot of times when you meet people in business, like, you know, you're not talking about, you know, the name of your dog, and your kids and grandkids and all of those things. But as you build that relationship, and I think, especially for women, like we can talk about our business, and then our whole life, and then our business, and then travel, and then our business, and we can do it all in a loop. And when you do it really, really well in one conversation, right? We can just and we'll follow it and get back to it. And we do it really, really well. Because those are all the things that make up who we are and what is important to us. So I think that that is really important. And it's important in building a community. Right? I know, community is so important. So relationship building, yes, that's really important. But when you can take those relationships, and then build community, and you can do that online and offline. So I kind of want to talk about that. Because I know that for you, you have mastered both, right? You know, now for me, like I have built, you know, networking organizations for myself. And people have hired me to take their local ones national as well, seven times. And I've been able to do that. But one of the things that I love about you. And it was really kind of funny, because when we first became friends, you wanted me to do it, too. And I remember you saying, Oh, hey, come join this online community. And I said, No, I don't want to do it. For whatever reason, I just didn't want to do it. Because at that time, it was online and in person. And I didn't want to do that I already had it. And I didn't want to do something new. But I have watched over the past few years, you flourish in building that community. And not only that, but this year, you actually managed to get two awards for it. So I can talk about it. But I would really like to let you talk about it. So talk about that community, what has happened for you, and it has blown up for you. And then I really do want to congratulate you publicly for those awards. So I think that is really is kind of like really shows that you like walk the walk and not just talk the talk, right? You know, we all have our communities. And so I think that is important, but being able to do them both. And then being able to merge them together is really where the sweet spot is. So why don't you tell us about that community, the awards, how you're taking it online and offline. And some of the amazing things that have happened because of

Okay, great. Thank you. Yeah, so the online community that you're talking about it I still it's, it's still not as wide known as it should be. There's about 10 million people on the platform. It's called Alignable. It's not a social media platform. It's a networking platform. And, you know, I am an ambassador leader for are on the platform for my community that in which is the Little Rock Arkansas community. And it's actually the surrounding communities. It's little rock and surrounding. So I have about currently about 7000 people in my community, which is phenomenal. Not all 7000 are very active. But there is a there is a group that is very active. There's about 3000 Plus groups, on the platform of all types of industries, you name it, it's there that people can get involved in, and I am a co leader, and two of those sell strategies, and one that we call deeper networking. I'm much more involved in deeper networking, if you can imagine then the other one, but we do smart connects, which is small group connecting and then we do masterminds within those. But yes, so we do virtual networking meetings, and we do in person meetings here in Little Rock. And I'm very excited because this particular month, one of the executives from Alignable is coming to my community and going to serve my community which is exciting. And to talk about the awards I did when I won last year as well. But it means more to me this year, because there's been much more work done if that makes sense. And there were many more people who voted this year because my community is bigger. And but I won the Local Business of the Year Award, as well as the 2024 community Supporter Award and It was such an honor Patti to win those, because I do put, you know, time energy into those trying to build a network, we were doing weekly virtual networking meetings, and a lot of the people said we want to do in person. And I was like, wow, this is exciting that people do want to get back to face to face. And so we found a little spot that was basically central to a lot of the surrounding communities. And we picked a day, certain day of every month, and it's the it's the third Tuesday of every month, and we meet on the third Tuesday of every month. And it's going very well, obviously, I want it to be much bigger. My goal is 100 people meeting every third Tuesday of every month. And so I'm not going to stop, I'm going to make it happen. I'm not going to stop till I get there.

I really believe that, I believe strongly that we should always lead with contribution. And compensation will follow up is the thing that I'm known for, and quoted for the most. But I think that people don't always understand what that means. And when it comes to communities, I think it's really important because one of the things that I believe is why you have been so successful, is that because you and I innately are networkers, the thing is when we are thinking about joining a community, or building a community or being a part of a community, whether it's on Facebook or in person, whatever the case may be, the number one thing I always ask myself is how can I contribute? What are the ways that I can add value and I can contribute? Now, I know that you do that as well, because you do it in my community too. But one of the things that I think is interesting, and just to give people like something to compare it to, I know that we all know, we'll just say Facebook, we'll just use Facebook as an example. And Facebook groups, somebody in there will ask a question, or they'll need help with something. So they asked in a Facebook community that they're a part of. And then 150, people will pitch them and say, Oh, I can help you, I can help you. And they troll through there. They just wait to ask or answer a question. And they think that's how they're going to build business. Well, you and I both know that that doesn't work, right at all. And I always think well, wouldn't it be a better strategy to build a relationship with the person who literally manages, you know, is organizing that community and I have felt for me that one of my best strategies has always been to build a relationship with that person, and then say, I would really love to be able to contribute to your community, you know, how do you see that I can best do that. And then invite them to come into my community as well, right, because we all network in more than one place. And then what seems to happen is when you build a relationship with that person, you don't have to do that anymore, because that's not how you should be doing it. Right. But what happens is, they tell you all the people that you need to connect within they do introductions for you, and they, you know, reward you for adding value to their community. And so I have seen you do this over and over again. And so this is why I believe you're winning all these awards, and why you're doing so well in that community. Because you always contribute, right? You're always thinking about, Oh, what other value can I add? What else can I do? I mean, you and I have had many conversations over this is what I could do. But how else can I do it? What else could I do to add value? And I think that is really important. It's who you are at your core. But then comes to the next step. Right, the next step. So now you've, you're building FIPS. And now you're building communities. And I believe and you do too, because we talk about it, about the power of collaborative partnerships, like what comes next, right now. And you know, so you starting to build relationships. That's great. You're doing introductions, that's fabulous. And now you're inviting them and you're building communities. But now, it's really about collaborative partnerships. That's where you take it up a notch. So can you give us an example of how this has played a significant role in your business strategy? Yeah.

So Patty, you know, there's things where you and I have done things together. You know, one of the things let me just back up, when you are in a group, and you see talent, let let's go all the way back three years ago, when you and I first met, you know, you saw something in me that you were like, wow, I need her in my ecosystem and the same here with you. And we first became accountability partners, and then we were like, we we think we could do some things together or we think we could add value to each other. To me The collaborative partnership is can be broad, it can be narrow, and it can be broad, depending upon how you want to use that. And you and I have, oh my goodness, we have done so much together from. I mean, we could spend the whole podcast talking about how you and I work together. But we have, you know, shared resources we've shared, you know, we shared tools, we, we've done so many things, worked on projects together. But when you're looking for a collaborative partner, you know, when you spot people in a Facebook group, you're looking for someone who could add talent, to your business. And one of the things I'm I really want to focus on, because I think that this is a great example. And this is something that you and I've talked about here, just recently, I'm going to go back to my Alignable community for just a minute. In my deeper networking group, we're going to talk about human design for just a second, I'm not going to go into human design. But there was a group of us and everybody was talking about, you know, who they are at their core, through their human design. And I'm like, the ugly duckling, I have no clue what they're talking about. And they're all kind of guessing what I am. And I'm like, What the heck, I, I want to know who I am. And so when I get mine, it solidifies a lot for me. And then I'm like, I got to know the person who's behind all of this. And then when I meet that person, and I get my hands on that person's customized chatting, GPT, I'm like, again, here comes my leading with value, I'm not I can help this individual create something big. And through what they have and what I have to add, we can do something together as a collaborative partner, and build something here. And so because I saw something that I needed in my business that was lacking, and I saw, she wasn't making any money with that, you know, she was just telling people who they were at their, at their core and in their DNA. And I'm like, she could create a membership out of this. And so I reached out to this person, and I'm like, Hey, can we have a conversation about how I can use what you have in my business and help other coaches and help you make money by helping me make money? You know, and so that's kind of how a collaborative partnership really starts. And so we've worked together over the last few months. And yesterday, we basically finalized something that we can both get started with on making money. It's, you know, and so that's just when you identify a talent, you and I have how we work together, she and I have but but sometimes you just have to take the step and say, you have something that I need, and reach out and build that relationship with that individual. You know, I didn't just go jump on that girl, I built a relationship with her first. And then I said, we need to talk. You've got something that is brilliant here. And then that's how that that whole process began. I

think that is really important too. Because I love the way you said narrow and broad, because I'm sure everybody that's listening. Is it? Oh, yeah, I did some collaborative thing. And it was a nightmare. A nightmare collaboration, right? I think we have I think part of that is not doing their due diligence. First, they didn't even have a relationship. First, they were just thinking about the thing and how it could make money. So they didn't build the relationship. And they jumped in maybe too soon. Right? You know, because I have to tell you, I've had one or two of those myself over again. And every time I look back, I realized is because I got so excited about the value that I knew I could bring out isolate, like really look at Wait a second. How does that look? Now in your case, you saw that first because you've been through this a few times to like meet but I think that that is really important. I have a criteria strategy that I have in place when I am doing collaboration. And it now works for me really, really well. But I think a lot of times people can jump into suit and that's also something that people need to kind of watch. But because we did bring up human design, I'm sure is that there are people who are listening who also know about human design and well that really isn't the basis for the bar. Guess I know that they're going well, Tanya, what are you?

What are you know? So go ahead. I, you told me about it when you first told me about it. I said, Oh, well, I want to know what I am mostly just because I heard people talk about it. And I wanted to know, and we guessed it, what I was. And of course, just like what you said I was exactly. You know what I ended up being? So just because I know there are people who are listening, that are thinking that question, what is yours? What are you in human design?

So I'm a mental projector. So basically, what a mental protector is, is I guide people, I guide. It's just what we're talking about today. I'm a connector, I guide people. I'm a business strategist, I guide people along through their ideas, I help them, they come up with an idea and they don't know what to do with it. I guide them through their ideas, but also, also where I said, I reached out to that person. That is not always the smartest thing for me to do. My in my DNA patty. My DNA is for my strategy through my DNA is that I should wait for the invitation to be ask. Because if I'm always voluntarily giving my advice, it's not taken well. It's taken as I'm a control freak. I'm aggressive. And so if I don't wait for the jerk

off guns, things that all would you want, not those things at all. So

I'm not I'm not I'm trying to add value to people. But if they're not in the spot, to receive, it's taken the wrong way. So

I think that what you're saying right there is so interesting, because I know that in my role as a marketing and media strategist, sometimes people will just share in conversations with me. And because like I live in breed strategy and marketing strategy, specifically, I'll want to share with them and I have realized over time, that they're not in a place to always want to receive that even though I'm giving it to them for free. Right. Yeah. And I've, I've had to learn to say, Are you open to receive an absolutely no. And most of the time, though, I think it's like gives them a moment to shift, right, you know, to shift. Like, I don't want to hear you tell me what I should get? Well, I never say what you should do anyway. But but like when I say Are you open to receive I have an idea? Well, then they're like, oh, absolutely right. You know, I'm not married to the idea. It's just a marketing idea. Right. So I think that that is really true, you do have to really be careful. One of the things that I do think is interesting before we kind of move on from that is when I found out that I was a manifesting generator, which I didn't I mean, if you just listen to the words, or kind of does sort of self explanatory, tell you what it is, right. But here's one of the things that I thought was the most interesting, and I haven't delved into nearly not nearly like, like, 1/10 of what you have done. But one of the things I did think was interesting, is that both you and I, our human design is rare. You know, is is rare to have the ones that we have, which I kind of thought was kind of interesting, you know, to know, like, oh, well, I kind of thought that was interesting. But the one thing that I do want to say about this is I know this is what contributes to who you are and who you are not. Now I have to tell you, who we are, is important. And a lot of people who are listening are thinking oh, I know who I am, you know, a lot of self discovery, personal growth. Over time. If you're a successful entrepreneur, I think you really don't become a successful entrepreneur without doing some inner work and personal business development. However, a lot of that is just to find out who we are, like, oh, I need to know who I am at my core. I don't really know too many people who would say, You know what, I want to do some personal and business development growth so I can find out who I am not like I've never heard anybody say that. Right? You know what I mean? But through learning about this, and having conversations with you, that really understanding that who you are not, is equally as important. It's sort of like when you're thinking strategy. I mean, to me, I always feel like and it's one of the questions I always ask my podcast guests, like, you know, what are some myths or what are what are some myths that people think, that aren't just not true? And what are some things that we should not do? Because I feel like it's just as important to know what not to do as it is to know what to do, but I never put it in the realm of who you are and who you are not. So can you explain a little bit about how recognizing who you are not contributes to a stronger person with a professional identity.

I can and actually, this came to me Patty, in a phone call with one of my coaches last April. So we're going on a year ago that this work happened for me. And we hear about we've heard about this all of our life. So it, it's almost like it's really not a revelation, but it was a revelation, if that makes sense. And so, I've been, and this is the way it came to me. So the way it came to me and then the way I'm going to explain it will make sense when I get finished here. As you know, the audience doesn't know but as you know, I've been working been working on my weight, okay. I was overweight, and I wanted to lose weight. But I was a yo yo Dieter couldn't get it off. But years ago, Patty years ago, I was a toothpick. I was probably as skinny as my pinky. Okay. People would say You're so skinny. You're so skinny. You How do you eat all that and not get fat? Okay, so I'm going to point out something. How do you not get fat? You eat all of that and you don't get fat. That's the first negative thing planted in my head. Okay. The next thing when women have babies, they gain weight. When I got pregnant, I automatically thought I'm gonna gain weight. How do you I gained 50 pounds, I weighed 100 pounds. When I got pregnant. I gained 50 pounds when I got pregnant. When you I was swollen, I was big bah bah, bah, bah, bah, that 50 pounds, Tanya is going to be hard to come off. I couldn't get it off. Patti. Then in my early 30s, I had a hysterectomy. If you don't take hormones, you're not going to be able to get that weight off. Okay, there's lot number three. When you turn 40 You start spreading, and it's even harder to get weight off. Do you see why I'm yo yoing. I've built all I've believed all these lies in my head. Well, when I had this coach who was helping me with my weight, we weren't even talking about this. But I totally erupted the conversation and said, Oh my God, I've got it. He's like what have you got? I said, I understand why yo yo diet. I have believed that I am fat. I am believed I can't get skinny. And I just I just mentally I just mentally had an image of a woman who had a baby and she skinny, a woman who had a hysterectomy and she's skinny. I am not a woman who had a hysterectomy. And as fat, I am not that person. I am a confident entreprenuer who is beautiful, self confident skinny, can stand on any stage or virtual stage and look the way I want to look. I am not that person that I have believed that I am. So I want to move from that. But it was that pivotal moment that changed things for me. My sister, I'm going to use people in my family. I could use a lot of people but I'm going to use my family. My sister has always believed that she's had a learning disability. And I've been working with her and I said you do not have a learning disability. You've been told by a teacher you have a learning disability you do not. And I've started saying it you need to visualize yourself as not having that you need to tell yourself you do not in you need to believe you do not and you have tools, tools like Grammarly and AI and other things that help you compensate for what people have told you. That are a lie. And Patty de you know, the improvement is beyond amazing. My brother who committed suicide nine years ago thought that he was not liked and well received in the community. If he would have seen how many people were at his funeral He would have cried. He was very well liked. We believe and again, I'm I'll stick with me and my family, we believe what we've been taught. My granddaughter has been told by certain individual. She's nicknamed a piece of Shi T and a demon. And we're constantly calling her Princess, that's her nickname, you're a princess, you're a princess, you're a princess. Because we don't want her thinking the other words, you believe the lies of what people tell you, who you are, and what you think you are, you are not that individual. So you are confident you are self worthy, you are these other things. And so who you are is who you think you are, and what you've been told you are. If you believe those lies, that's who you become. And so it was an epiphany to me is, Tanya, you have to help people understand that, that this low self worth, they have this low self confidence, they have helped them get to the root of why they believe those things about themselves because there are lies, and if they can see

Beliefs that they that they believe, and I think people have them all the time. I mean, I remember one of my daughters telling me, Mom, I can't get good grades, because my teacher says I'm a terrible test taker.

That's the teacher thought.

That's why I don't care what the teacher says, Why would you say that? Right? You know, but I also remember in my own weight journey, that when I was sick and had to have many years ago, when I was sick and had to have chemotherapy, and I had to take steroids for like a year, I gained like 80 pounds through my houses, once they finally found out what the problem was, and they took care of the problem. I remember asking the doctor, okay, so now, what do I need to do to gain this weight, I was always like 120 pounds, and the doctors like you're alive. And you should be thankful that you're alive right now. And don't worry about the weight, you're never going to be able to eat steroids for a year. And I've literally accepted that. And I said, Oh, well, I guess I'm just going to be heavy. But I should be thankful that I'm alive. Right? You know, and for years and years and years, until again, just like you we kind of went through that process together. That's not true. Like we listen to what people say, and we let it become our truth. And I think that is really, and I think women do it more than men. I will say that I think that we just really need to understand that. That's not true. Those are just other things that I actually know that when I was growing up, you know, I had some of those things with my mom to some of the things that she would say. And that I thought to myself, wow, is is that true? You know, I mean, I remember one particular time, she said to me when I was telling her about some exciting new thing that I was going to do and how you know, I was going to be a speaker and some of the things in I remember her saying to me, because you have to know that not everybody, and especially our parents and other people, they didn't grow up the same way we did. So they have different beliefs, and we need to understand and I clearly remember her telling me once Petey, when is enough gonna be enough, right? You know, do you need to do all those things. And I remember thinking, Oh, my goodness. And I remember even when I was a kid, being called chatty Patty, and my parents telling me, Patti will give you $5 If you could be quiet for 30 minutes, which I never got that $5 By the way. But what I gotta say, though, is if now I think to myself, my mom had already passed away when I started speaking. And I remember one day in the car, picking up my phone and wanting to call my mom and say, Mom, people are gonna pay me to talk, you always want an Ironman. And now they're gonna pay me to talk. And then I realized, oh, wait, you know, my cell phone doesn't go to heaven? Well, I think she did hear me. But you know what I'm saying, though. And I think when you realize that, how many times does that hold you back? Like, how many times does a hold you back and sometimes when somebody else believes in you, and they hold space for you, and you realize that you've allowed somebody else's truth to become your truth. And I feel like when we step up and say, No, that is not my truth. This is my truth. I'm going to use my voice and I'm going to speak my truth. Because that's what sets us apart. I want to hire somebody, work with somebody, be friends with somebody collaborate with somebody who understands their truth and the value that they bring. And if they don't think they can do it, well how am I going to believe in them that they that they can do it so I do feel like what you're saying is really true. It's not just knowing who you are is learning who you are not. And sometimes those things really can get in the way so I love that. You are doing that. I love that. That's just another value add that you are Giving us well. So now let's kind of go a little bit forward in some of the other things that you have done to. So now we have, we're building relationships. Now, after we're building relationships, we're knowing how to do introductions, we're knowing how to do referrals, we're going how to do partnerships. We're learning how to collaborate, we're doing all those things. And then there's also another strategy that you use, but I like the way that you do it. I like the way you do it kind of better than anybody else. That I know actually, because it comes in aligns with my serve not sell is that you do affiliate marketing differently. And I like the way that you do it. It's also the way that I do it now. For years and years. I said I wouldn't do affiliate marketing, because I just thought it was so salesy and icky. I think affiliate marketing has come a long, long way. And there's so many people that are doing it right now. And I actually like your strategy about how you use affiliate marketing, because I actually think that it goes in with what we're talking about today. So, you know, it's a game changer. So from your experience, what are some of the keys that you have used, you know, relationships in your affiliate marketing.

So, you know, Patti, affiliate marketing, to me is just as important as my business. And, you know, when I am using a tool, or in a relationship, if I like it, that tool or that relationship, then I'm going to become an affiliate with that individual. And when I talk to people about affiliate marketing, I do affiliate marketing differently. As you mentioned, I'm not out there as an affiliate for hundreds of different companies, I am an affiliate for the people that I do business with, because I can wholeheartedly recommend those companies, because I use them. I use them every day, or at least a monthly, you know, it's it's something that I use in my business. So I feel competent, saying, Patti, I have this tool that I use, and this is how I use it. And I want to show it to you, because you just mentioned something and in your conversation, and I think that it could add value to your business or add value to you. And when we engage in that way, again, it goes back to building that relationship. And it just affiliate marketing in that way fits so well. It's almost like I'm referring you to that business.

And I think that it's again, it's because you're serving, not selling and I don't think people care that you may I mean, it's not like you make so much money, right? But even if you did, it's not coming out of their pocket, right, you know, so I'm coming out of their pocket. But I think you know, the old days of affiliate marketing that were kind of clickbait ish, like, you know, where it was like, Oh, yes, I'm doing this, this and this. Okay, yeah, that did feel lucky. But because there was no relationship involved. Now, for years and years and years, I built my relationships with people like built my business, actually endorsing what other people do. Oh, well, if you do this, I know somebody who does this. And this is something that you could do. I do say that I love to being affiliates of tools, and of software, and those type of things, and of the people that I have built relationships with, because I am able to tell them how it can help them. Right, absolutely. I'm doing that. Right. You know, and I think that as long as we disclose, right, you know, I think that feels really, really good. So I love the way that you're doing it. But I think that also when we were on this cruise together, so not only have we roomed it, conferences, a podcast, and we've been out of the country together, it's all these things do. But I'm gonna remember when we went on the podcast cruise, we literally went to the things and then when everybody else was at the bar, and at the pool and all those other things you and I were on the patio, in our upgraded room so that we could literally talk strategy, and that's where we were. And a lot of that was about what we wanted to do with our podcast. Right. And so I know that for both of us, this is the year of really up leveling that I'll have announcement about that soon, but it won't be today. But about that which I think is really exciting. But as a podcast host yourself. How have you found that platform has helped you in reinforcing your business philosophies and expanding your network.

I have found it for me for reach a mean expanding my reach my territory, helping In the individuals that come on to my podcast as a guest, it's honestly it's getting them. Again, I love giving value, and it's helped me get my guests more visibility, more influence, it's gotten me more connections, you know, when you have the ability to bring someone on, regardless of what type of podcast it is, and you share that on social, you know, and you tag the individual, it puts you in front of their network as well, it puts them in front of your network. And again, I'm all about helping other people build connections and referrals. It is unbelievable, Patti, always say this, you're one connection away, one connection away from your next big check. You don't know whether it's your close network, or your extended network that's going to get you that one connection. And so my podcast has put me in front of and connected me to big influencers and micro influencers. And, you know, I fought tooth and nail when my team back early on, wanted me to do a podcast, I said, I'm not a podcaster. I'm not a speaker, I, I was scared to death, honestly, of going out on video. But what I realized Patti this week, we are this is only Wednesday, what I realized this week, and looking at the views, and I don't have a big podcast, but looking at the YouTube shorts, my mouth dropped. And so for me, what I realized it for my podcast is the reach the people that you are reaching that you can bring into your ecosystem. Again, that gets you one step closer, one step closer, and it showed me the value of putting yourself out there regardless whether you feel confident, or you've got the weenie jeebies. Just keep doing what you're doing. Because the reach is growing. And the influence is growing.

I remember back in the day, not to say blogs still aren't, you know, good. I'm not saying that. But back in the day when that was the big thing, right? You know, Bucha or whatever. Like everything was about blogging, right? Yes, blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging. I remember, back then somebody said to me once, just do it, your first 50 are going to suck, but it doesn't matter, you'll get better. And I think the same thing applies to podcasts, too. And somebody said something to me, one time that really helped me when I decided to transition from audio podcast of which I've done hundreds of over to doing video. And they said, Patti, just because you record doesn't mean you have to publish. Right now, if you don't mind, just do it. And then a man Oh, that's good. Just do it again. Yeah, you don't have to publish it. So just do it. And that really was freeing for me. Right. You know, it was really freeing. And so I think that sometimes if there's something that is holding you back, because we know that sometimes people aren't speakers, right, you know, but I have to tell you, if there's anything we've learned since 2020, is that we all talk on Zoom now, right? We're all talking like, like, you can do it right? You can do it right. So I think that that is really good. But then there's all about writing. And speaking of blogging, that is the whole reason that I now published a magazine. Six years ago, I told myself, I don't want to blog. And it wasn't that I didn't like to blog, I just didn't want to do it consistently. And everybody's like, Oh, you got to do it consistently. You got a blog every week, or, or whatever. And I just didn't want to do it. I didn't feel like I could churn out content on a dime. Really, because we weren't really into micro content then Right? You know, it was all those long, robust, you know, with a million links, and you know, everything was super long. Now, where everybody just wants a quick and I thought, Oh, I just don't want to do it. I'm not going to do it. So I thought, oh, what could I do? Oh, I think I'll publish a magazine instead. Then I don't have to provide all the content and I could do it quarterly. Now I have to tell you, what I want the audience to hear from that is if there is something that you don't want to do in your business, then don't do it. Like you don't have to do it. Right. You know, people were like, Oh, you have to do this Paddy. Oh, you're a speaker patty. Well, you need to have a speaker reel. I mean, it was years and years and years and I was making literally seven figures as a speaker and I still didn't have one. So don't let again this goes back to what other people tell you and what we choose to believe. Right? That's true. So then I had the Magus So of course, you and I collaborate on pretty much everything where our first our first choice, which actually goes back to when we were building their communities. We're not in the same communities now. But that's really great. And you guys are the first person we'd like to introduce to everybody else when it's appropriate, right? So that's kind of good sometimes to divide and conquer, as we'd like to call it. But when I came to you, and I said, I would really like you to write for my magazine, because, yes, you have a podcast and yes, you know, I can have you do a Facebook Live, and I can have you come and speak for me and I can have you do all those things. But I would really like it. If you'd continually write for the magazine. And I invited you to do that. And this is like your second year with us that you have been a writer for the magazine. So you have a podcast, you are a speaker, you are a community builder, and a relationship builder. Like how has adding like that as just another thing, right? Because there are a lot of magazines out there, there are logs, you know, so if the audience is listening, it's not like I have the only magazine there's a lot of them. How are you incorporating that into your strategy? Petey?

First of all, I want to I want to talk about, you know, we're in different communities. Remember, we did that strategically, so that we could introduce each other to, you know, influencers and other people. And then to go into the magazine. You know, I never thought 40 years ago, number one, that I would be writing for a magazine, nor would I have a podcast, or I wouldn't even be doing what I'm doing today, was it a dream, I think that was back in the back of my mind. But I never had the confidence I could do it, to be able to write for your magazine, it's honestly, it's an honor to be able to do it. And, you know, to incorporate that number one, I think, again, it goes back to the exposure, not only the exposure for me, but the exposure for you and the other columnist that we share value together, and we're all helping each other, bring awareness to each other. We're all helping you grow, you know, the readers, the contact list for the magazine. But quarter after quarter, we're all sharpening our skills for writing. I would say that my articles today just like podcasting, my articles today are better than the article, my very first article that I wrote, My Lead Magnet today or my promo, not lead magnet, my promo is better today than my very first one was. And so you know, the more you do things, the better that you get. But everything that you do, every strategy that you add to your business allows you the ability to get more exposure. As far as visibility, it grows, your influence, and it helps each other. I mean, you're helping me by getting that exposure, I'm helping you by growing your audience. And it's a collaborative partnership, in order to help each other. And

I love having you be part of my community. So I love that. So thank you so much. So Tonya, looking forward, like let's look forward, what is do you have a project that you're excited about?

I have several projects that I'm excited about. But I would say probably the biggest one is building out my own personal community. You know, I've got the community within Alignable. But I'm wanting to build my own personal community. And so that's probably my biggest project. And there's lots of things underneath that umbrella that are too soon to talk about that. That's my biggest project and nearest upcoming.

So if we're on Jan the audience, that means that you have to contact her and connect with her, and then you'll get to hear. And you should do that. Because that would just be really, really smart for you to do that. But so before we get ready to wrap, what is the best way for people to connect with you? And what's the name of your podcast and where can they find it.

So the name of my podcast is influencing growth mastery. It's out on all of this streaming, the podcast streaming channels, and then it's also on YouTube. And again, it's under influence and growth mastery. But I'm on LinkedIn, Facebook, I have Facebook, personal profile, a business profile Facebook group, those are both under influence and growth mastery. I'm on Alignable I'm on it. Instagram. I just started tick tock, oh, I have three videos. But yeah, they can pretty much find me anywhere, Patty? Well, that's

really good to know. Right? So thank you so much. So one of the things when I call this the caution, the hashtag open mic portion of the show where you already given us so much value, and I appreciate you so much. But if you had to narrow down to with all of those strategies, you had to narrow down to one marketing, medium money strategy, what would it be?

Oh, gosh, it's it's create passive income, become an affiliate marketer, add that to your business strategy, you need more than one income. And in my opinion, affiliate marketing is the best way to do it. I mean, if social if Facebook were to shut down today, what would we do? And so if you've built up a good affiliate marketing strategy, you should be doing okay, you would still have income coming in. And so that would be, that would be my best strategy to give.

That is awesome. And that's really a great strategy. So to my audience, I'm going to encourage you, she just told this year is pretty much everywhere, right? You know, you can always really tap into the magazine, literally for two years now. She's been giving so much value, and she gives something away every single time to so it's a really great way to get some amazing gifts that she has, and tap into that. So thank you so much Tanya, for being here with me today. I appreciate it. To my audience. Thank you so much for spending time with us today. And if you enjoy the experience, and you'd love this episode, and I'm sure you did, please take a moment to like and review this podcast. And until next week. Thank you so much. Have a great day.