Why Do Seasoned Friendships End? | Episode 112

Welcome back.

Happy to have you here today because today we're going to talk about vitamin G.

And if you don't know what vitamin G is, stick around because I'm going

to explain it and you're going to want to get some of it for yourself.

But first, how did we get here?

We talked two weeks ago about why I believe I presented my case

and why I think that

we, as women of a certain age, seasoned in our life experience and as business

owners are positioned now to be the best leaders, the best entrepreneurs,

and the best role models for so many.

And how do I justify that?

I listed all of the attributes, the characteristics that

really support that case.

If you didn't catch that, go back and listen to, I think

it's episode 110, and see.

If you disagree with me, I'd like to hear.

And if you have some ideas, maybe I omitted some important attributes,

please let me know that as well.

Then last week we jumped into, pun intended, trampolines.

The conversation about trampolines and why I believe that building our own

emotional and inspirational trampolines.

is a very smart strategy and I have learned over a life of bouncing, jumping,

falling, picking myself back up again.

the absolute value of having my own carefully strategized and

constructed and celebrated trampoline.

Episode 111.

Take a listen.

I also promised that I would share more about my biggest secret to

my success and the career that I have had, and that is vitamin G.

No, it's not a nutritional substance.

It's not a medication.

It is a supplement.

It's a supplement to my own success, confidence, wisdom,

but the supplement stands for G and

vitamin G stands for girlfriends.

That's right.

Seriously, G stands for girlfriends, vitamin G is without a doubt one of

the most essential supplements for us, for our well being and our success

and the joy that we have in our lives.

And when things are not joyful, having some extra vitamin G around

you will help you recover much faster from any malady that you have.

But seriously.

It is a topic for deep consideration and it's not something that I knew

instinctively when I was young.

I've discussed this with friends, my daughters, my granddaughters,

The value that I have learned over my lifetime of carefully cultivating and

curating and celebrating those special friendships that lift me up, that support

me to be the best version of myself.

In fact, they push me to be even better than I think I can be.

And they're always there to support me.

And they are there to support me when I'm doubting myself or

going through a challenging period

in time.

I think it's a,

it's particularly important in business to make sure that you have,

vitamin G applies to your personal life and your business life.

In fact, all aspects of your life.

And vitamin G can be family members or unrelated people.

But whatever.

But whoever you choose to make up your vitamin G component, it's the qualities

in those people that are most important

by investing in those relationships.

The return on that investment is exponential for us

when we are careful about respecting those

relationships and giving back.

Dr.

Stephen Covey had a metaphor for relationships.

He called them emotional bank accounts.

I think that's a very good analogy

to look at, that a friendship, a deep, important friendship

You must make deposits in that relationship.

You cannot only take withdrawals.

And I've certainly learned over time that, it's not always 50 50.

There will be some ebbs and flows in the balance of those deposits and withdrawals.

But over time, it evens out.

And in fact, the value of that friendship is compounded

over time,

so long as you both respect.

that you are making those deposits with each other.

But I've also learned,

I've also observed that when a friendship starts to feel unbalanced,

when I'm sensing that there's something not right, if there's a,

if I'm starting to feel a little unsettled in a relationship,

if I pause and reflect I usually notice that there have been more

withdrawals than deposits on the other side of the friendship.

And it's a matter of, and a lesson learned for me is to stop and

take stock of that situation.

Is it because my friend is going through an extraordinary time where

she needs more from me than she is able to give to me at the moment?

And what can I do to support her?

How can I give her more deposits?

However, there are times too, and unfortunately, often this is in hindsight,

I recognize it, that those relationships that are all one sided, it's because the

dynamics of the relationship have changed, and we've outgrown what we had in common.

Her interests and mine have diverged.

The stage in our lives,

the, what we feel,

the value that we give, the reciprocity between us changed.

And that's a signal that the friendship has changed and it's time to look

at it in a different perspective and a different priority in your life.

I'm not suggesting that every time this happens that you immediately

fire that friend, but I am suggesting that you're careful about watching for

those signs that the relationship has changed and taking steps to end that

relationship or change that relationship in a positive, controlled manner.

I didn't take those precautions,

I didn't have that wisdom before on a couple of occasions, and I got

blindsided by relationships that I thought were my forever strongest ally,

best friends, ride or die girlfriends,

and realized too late, that feeling was no longer mutual, and I really felt hurt.

surprised, disappointed by how the friendship devolved.

So why are not all BFFs forever?

And why do friendships change or come to an end?

When you think about it, it's not all that surprising.

It's not difficult really to understand why that is a

probability or a possibility.

And that's because we as people are growing and changing, not only our

own emotional, professional, personal development and growth, but also

Our interests, our activities, our priorities change, and so what you

may have had in common, what you shared with that relationship in

the past, may be recategorized now.

And thinking about that, especially for women of a certain age, thinking

about us at this age and stage in

our life, it's more likely to happen.

And although I've also recognized at this age in my life that definitely my

relationships are about quality, not quantity, much more than ever before

in my life, I have also noticed that there are fewer people that have exact,

and I have observed that there are a lot more circumstances

now that cause relationships to change, and maybe they don't.

And perhaps they are not permanently changed, maybe they will come back

together in the future, but thinking about it, at our age, retirement

changes what people's interests are.

Some of the circumstances that would affect relationships, close

relationships at this time in our lives, are things like death.

Some of the circumstances that affect Relationships and friendships at this time

in our lives include people moving away.

Perhaps they've sold their business or they have a seasonal residence elsewhere.

Perhaps there's been a divorce or remarriage, which causes a new circle

of Relationships and social connections perhaps it's retirement and now you no,

no longer have in common the business conversations that you used to share

and the entrance or the schedules, which of course, you know, being

able to make time for each other is certainly an indication of health.

Being able to make time for each other is certainly a barometer of

the health of the relationship.

Even the point of,

as a woman business owner, they often, our social relation,

as a woman business owner, often our social relationships, our close

personal relationships, will come from our business environment.

or even within our own organization.

And as the business changes and grows, or your involvement or

interest in your business changes.

That puts a different dynamic, that places a different pressure on a

friendship and a social relationship.

So keep in mind that you may be ready to move on into other areas, but the

people who considered you their BFF, or at least their pal are now feeling

left behind because they're not part of your expansion and your new focus.

It's true.

Our bodies are changing.

We have health issues, surgery.

I just recently was off for a hip replacement.

That changes my social life, of course, but it certainly did show to

me those that were, and yet at the same time, it highlighted the vitamin G,

and yet at the same time, That highlighted the vitamin G relationships that were

most vested in me because they made sure that I was taken care of during

that early recovery period when I really, I couldn't drive and I was

feeling quite vulnerable and isolated.

At our age, there are going to be more and more of these circumstances

where either our own physical health changes what we're doing and what

we're interested in, or that of a loved one that we need to care for.

I have a friend right now who's away a great deal because her parents are,

for instance, I have a very close friend now that I don't see

much of because her parents are now

For instance, I have a very close friend who I don't see much of right now because

she has become the caregiver, the primary person, medical advocate for her parents

who are aging and are not doing well in their health and so she's required

to be where they live and to manage their affairs and be their advocate and

that's an increasing factor today among my network of people

and probably yours as well.

So as we grow and as we age and as I Our business matures and our relationships

and our physical health mature.

So as our lives are changing, whether that's because our business is growing or

so as ours, as our lives change including our business, which may be growing or

struggling or in the midst of a grand pivot, as our personal lives change, our

relationships, whether it's Empty Nest.

or caring for aging parents or our own personal health or our relationships.

Gray divorce is a big thing these days.

This definitely affects what we need most in terms of support from our

vitamin G network and understanding that The changing dynamics in relationships

sometimes require us to reach out and

accepting and understanding that these changes in our personal and

business life impact our friendships and require us to evaluate if we can

be a good friend or if we need someone else to be more prominent in our lives

to support us through these changes.

I'm still fiercely protective of my vitamin g network but I will share with

you that some of those relationships have been decades and they're still strong and

vibrant and the reciprocity is very even.

And other relationships have come to an end, some abruptly, some with

great sadness and disappointment, and others that just faded away quietly.

And of course, it's not at all surprising that later on in life that

person may come back into your life and you pick right up where you left.

But recognizing where you're devoting your time now and who

are the relationships that you are a good friend to are important.

I developed a tool some years ago which I It was based on my own personal need

to understand the changing dynamics in my relationships, and then I've gone

on to use that with many of my clients.

It's called the Friendship Health Checkup, and it really walks you

through the thought process about what you need in a friendship, and if

you, what you are giving in return, and if your friends and you are

aligned in your life at the moment.

I'd love to share that with you and make it available with my compliments so

that you can do a little health checkup.

Are your friends good friends for you?

Are you a good and supportive friend for them?

And if not, where do you need to make adjustments?

Where do you, where should you reprioritize?

Or where do you pull up your big girl panties and be a better friend?

Or speak up and tell your friend that you're not feeling supported right now?

I think that's important for us to say.

If we are truly good friends, and that we care equally about

each other's success and health.

We can have those tough conversations and have a friendship that comes from

that is even stronger than before.

In this very busy world with a lot of stressors on our health and on our psyche,

having the right healthy environment is even more important than ever.

And supplemented that with some vitamin G and you can withstand anything as

a seasoned woman in business or not.

If you want the,

if you'd like a free download of my Friendship Health Checkup, the

details will be in the show notes below and please feel free to

share it with your friends as well.

And hey, you could use it as a conversation starter so that you both

are feeling heard and appreciated in your vitamin G relationships.

Now, continuing on our theme of why we, as seasoned women, are so badass.

Next week I have the joy of sharing with you my mastermind partners and we're

going to talk about what that experience has done for us over the past five years.

So if you're interested in knowing what happens over five years in a relationship.

If you'd like to know how to create a fabulously enduring,

resilient, and mutually beneficial mastermind, listen in next week,

subscribe, put on the notification so you don't miss the episode.

We're going to share our recipe for a highly successful and enduring

mastermind, five years in the running now, almost every single week of the year.

Stay tuned.