Vulnerability and Knowing Your Limits - Braden Ricketts

Welcome back. Great to be with you again. And as you can see, I have - now if you've been tracking from the beginning, you might recognize this man's face. You may think of him as Brandon, but he's actually podcast coach Braden Ricketts, and he is a passion and purpose accelerator. From his time in artists management, to his years as an employment counselor, Brian has been facilitating life changing conversations. He does this by finding your unique genius, and then figuring out how that genius can make for a better world. So Brandon works with his sister Michelle, Elise Abraham at Amplifyou which is a boutique, podcast accelerator and management firm, where he supports heart centered coaches on their journey, going from idea to iTunes. I like that. And so welcome back. It's great to see you again and have another conversation. What I've been referring to, of course, if you weren't tracking from the very beginning is Braden to help me on my very first episode, where he was interviewing me, in my hopes to kind of keep things on track, because I do sometimes tend to wander on my own. So appreciate that. But now we get to turn the tables, and learn a bit about you and where you're going. So thanks for joining us here.

Kevin, I'm honored to be here. It was actually a real honor to be one of your first interviewers, and now to be an interviewee I'm honored to be a part of your process. And I love the conversation we had can't wait to get into another.

Yeah, for sure. So speaking of getting into it, let's dive in. I want to, I'd like to start with you, looking at your vision, and this is kind of a life concept. And as coaches, you understand this idea that we have our vision in front of us. So this picture of where we want to go and who we want to be. That helps us in getting there. Right. So the question for you would be, how would you describe who you intend to be as a dad and sort of the, the life or the sort of family scene that you aspire to create for you and your kids?

Wow, leading off with the big questions. All right. I'll give you a little background. So there's some context as to what my answer is. First of all, I have a 14 year old, nearly 14 year old son, just the one. His mother and I were together for 10 years, and divorced when he was about four years old. So for the last 10 years, it's been him and I. And at the other house, he's had a stepfather, a stepbrother and a half brother. So it's a busy household. And then at my home, we have a smaller household, just the two of us, a little quieter. So your question was what? Who do I want to be as a father? And what I'm creating for my family going forward? Is that right? Yeah. So from early on after divorce, I found that my intention as a father was to ensure my child knew that no matter what I was there, and I was available, and I was a supporter of him, and what he needed. I found that I rearranged my entire work life. I had a great boss at the time I was in nonprofit, I was teaching employment counseling. And my boss understood the challenge that I was going through, I was working at the YWCA. So it's the Young Women's Christian Association, they understood what it's like for single parents, because we had a lot of single mother programs. So to have a single father working in the mix, they understood the flexibility that was required. And I was able to work from home, I was able to work a flexible schedule, which allowed me to not only attend every single one of my child's sporting events, but also his assemblies at school, and I was there to pick them up from school or drop them off at school. Work rarely ever took me away. It felt like after divorce, the important piece for me was to establish presence and unconditional love. Over the course of years from that time, I have had some opportunities to meet some incredible people and the people that I was meeting, really relate it back to the employment counseling work. It was this entrepreneurial mindset. And it was these individuals that were out there challenging the norm, and doing remarkable things. And I realized that those individuals were doing this because they were overcoming something that had happened in their youth in their childhood, they had seen a problem, they had seen a challenge. They'd had challenges or problems. So they wanted to go create a solution. So bit of my approach with my parenting pivoted from presence and unconditional love, to then facilitating opportunities for my child to feel challenged to grow and become something bigger and more than he was now. Fast forward again, I feel like I've reset the balance of that pendulum swing, I went from just presence and unconditional love to challenge and learning and growth. And now I feel like I've come back hopefully at the right time when he's at that crazy year of transition, you know, entering high school, becoming a teenager, hormones have been through system, I feel like I've found the balance of that pendulum where presence is important acceptance of who he is, and creating a safe space for him to be curious. Be curious about who he is to be curious about the world around him. And to so that he can explore an experience and come to his own conclusions about who he is, what the world needs from him and how he wants to be a part of it.

Yeah. Nice. Well, that's, that's a lot. And it's interesting, I'm hearing that you've kind of shifted your focus as, as your boys growing older, and adapting to what you perceive to be his current needs. Right?

I have a challenge with that. Yeah, absolutely. I am continually evolving. I never once believed that I was perfect as a parent and are perfect as a person. And I feel like,

Woah, wait a minute! that's why I brought you on here. I thought, your, your, you're gonna set us off straight here.

Well, that's exactly it right. Is, to become the best parent that you can be is to recognize that you're not the best parent you already are. It's about how can I continue to learn and grow? What are opportunities for me to enhance, you know, my foundation in this parenting space? And, you know, how does that impact my child's experience? Yeah, so yes, as I find that he, I, as I'm facing challenges in my personal world, quite often, I recognize that he's facing similar challenges. And I don't know if he's mirroring me or if I'm mirroring him. But I find my approach to parenting is, is an evolution. Because the advice that I'm giving to him, I realize is advice I should be taking for myself, in my own challenges. And it's, I'm learning just as much about me by parenting him.

Oh, that's awesome, actually, that I can really relate to that. And fact, I've shared with people before the interesting dynamic with me and my dad, and how even as adults, we often seem to have kind of been working through very similar life lessons and growth stages. Around the same time, not, not sort of same age. But literally, in this day, we're kind of going through some similar stuff, which is interesting. And I don't know if you thought of this, but the one of the things I found very encouraging about that is, it means that I'm learning at a younger age, what he's also learning. And now as you're describing your, your son is learning what you are learning, but he's learning at a younger age. So he's going to be that much further ahead. Right.

100%,

which is, which is really awesome to think of how that works. So they're actually kind of, in a sense, they're getting a head start when we're teaching them. But you're, but you're open to that. And and that's something that I think is really huge. Like, did it ever did ever bother you that? That idea that oh, my goodness, like, I'm learning this? And he's kind of going through, we're doing this at the same time, like this isn't? You know, shouldn't I have learned this before? That that that that ever go through your head? Do you struggle with that? Or were you able to kind of embrace that?

I'm embracing it. Absolutely. I think it's, it's taking some time maybe to embrace it. There's a bit of fear, like you mentioned, what if he surpasses me? What if he learns more than me? What if he becomes the parent, because he just knows and accepts more. But then I think about to my parents, and yeah, there was a point in time where I believed I knew better than they did. And I know more than they do. And I could solve problems better than they can. So if there's naturally a state in time where you feel like you've outgrown your parents, but isn't that really the mission of parenting is to do such a good job that you're no longer needed? Like, it's your whole point of parenting is to work yourself out of a job.

Yeah. Yeah. To an extent I agree with that for sure. Well, what I'd like to do is, is take a little shift here, because as I understand it, you've done some entrepreneurial work. You're working with your sister. Now as a as an employee, I guess or a partnership. I'm not sure what. What is that?

I wouldn't say a consultant. I support her in In the business operations decisions, and I support all of the clients with their their podcast launching. She has been doing this for 15 years. But about three or four years ago, we got together and relaunched her support in a certain under branding of Amplifyou. And so we're partners in that development.

So what I guess the reason I'm asking that is, I'm curious about how this has impacted your, your parenting and your relationship with your son, because you had a job before that was incredibly flexible. And now, because sometimes when we were running our own business as entrepreneurs, anybody who is an entrepreneur would recognize that's a lot of work, and it can really be a struggle to balance. I mean, some jobs are like that, too. So has, has this shift had an impact on on that parenting process for you? Or are you finding it still works out pretty well.

It certainly has an impact. The work ethic that I portray is role modeling, work ethic that my son then executes when he's looking at his schoolwork. Because he's at home and seeing me work from home. He's there during my work day, he's he's there in my evenings when I'm checking the computer, it's something that I'm very conscious of, I want to ensure that he sees the effort I'm putting forth but also sees the balance that I'm taking in the decisions that I make as to where I put my attention, and my focus. Becoming an entrepreneur was an easy transition for me, because I came from being an employee who had the flexibility to work from anywhere they needed to work from. And I had a lot of autonomy in that role. So transitioning to entrepreneurship was quite easy. In fact, my transition out of employment, was to run a charity I began, which taught entrepreneurship to youth. So it was a very smooth transition, because instead of being an employment counselor, I became an entrepreneur, coach. But I did it with children, they were ages seven to 12 years old. And we taught kids how to start and run their own business. My son was in that age group when I started that. So it's a funny question that you ask because my, my entry into entrepreneurship was about teaching entrepreneurship, it was about supporting kids with entrepreneurship. So yes, absolutely, it had an impact on my parenting. And this is where I discovered that needing to provide my child with the space to try new things, and to have failures, because he wasn't gonna learn and grow without those failures. And then as I move into the world of podcasting, it's continuing that role modeling, where I show him I'm taking risk, I'm taking the opportunity to try new things, and I'm okay, when I fail. He's also witnessing me when I get really frustrated. And when I get out of, or get in a rut, right, he's watching me pull my hair out or stress about something that I have to do. But then he's going to also see me turn that around, and he's gonna see me meditate, and then come back stronger and ready. He's just gonna see me, you know, go for a walk with the dog, and then come back and get that thing done that I was afraid of getting done. So I'm hoping that entrepreneurship does show him that we have the capacity within ourselves to be and do whatever we want.

Wow. Okay, that's, that's a lot. And that's a lot of really big stuff. Because you're, you're describing a very open and vulnerable relationship, I would say, right. I mean, you're, you're letting him see you. Kind of, maybe not your worst, but on you're not as good days and moments, right. So yeah. How much are you? Like, how are you walking through that? Are you really just kind of this is this is it? It's this is raw, bare reality? Are you? I mean, at this point, he says he's 14, are you shielding? Some? Do you really talk specifically with him about what you're what you're doing? Are you just kind of let him observe you passively?

That's a great question. on a conscious level, I am aiming to be authentic and not. Not to barricade or or bear him or keep him from seeing the reality of what I'm facing. There, there have been comments from, on his mother's side that maybe I do share too much. Maybe he's too involved in my ups and my downs, and he may be feeling some of that as well. Where I've, again aimed to find balance is recognizing and you might know this that that is it 70 or 80% of our communication is self text. So it's not necessarily what we're saying. But it's the intention and the feeling we have beneath the words that we're saying. And what I think really puts a divide between parents and their children, is when the subtext is the opposite or different from the statement, the comments and the wording. Alright, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt that he's mature enough to understand, I've always spoken to him like he's an adult, something I learned from The Celectine Prophecy, which was the beginning of my spiritual journey as a as a teenager, was that speaking to children as an adult, allows them to develop into an adult and allows them to be emotionally grounded and emotionally mature. And so in speaking to him as an adult, and sharing my struggles, I feel that he's developing a trust that I will not lie to him, I will not steer him in the wrong direction, that I'm a safe place where he can have open honest communication, because that's the way that I portray myself.

That's incredible. That, I think that's so many guys need to hear that. Because we, I think that most of us, for large part, I grew up with this idea of the complete opposite, that in order for kids to feel safe, they had to see you as strong and steady and you know, sort of unshakable, right. But you're, you're presenting a completely opposite kind of perspective to say, well, actually, by being open about it. And allowing, as I suppose you could say, my actions and my words to match up that you're creating, that is creating trust in the relationship. That's yeah,

thank you for recognizing that. I would throw it back to you. And I would say, you know, if if we grew up with parents that felt they had to portray our safety in their authority and their competence, then by the time we get to their age, we realize, oh, I don't I don't really know what I'm doing. I don't have that sort of authority. And that confidence my parents had, like, is this, is this a sham? Am I wrong? Have I failed? Am I not adult enough to raise a kid on my own and all the fears start coming in? So I'm hoping that modeling that nobody actually has it figured out that we're all learning as we go, then he can have that confidence, because competence isn't knowing all the answers, confidence is knowing that you can find the answers, and that you can make it through the challenges. So I'm hoping to give him that confidence that it's okay that things aren't perfect. It's okay that things aren't, I'm not the expert in this field, I can sort it out, I can figure this out. That's where the real strength of competence comes in.

That's brilliant. I couldn't agree more. Love, love that you shared that with us. You were talking also in that, in that whole big sharing there, part of what you said was about your your son learning. I say learning from his own mistakes are learning to try and fail and and learning from that. In that there's a question that I struggle with. I mean, we have four kids that we're kind of walking through this process. And they're all, everybody's kids are a little different. And our four kids are different. So I'm interested for you how, how you walk this tightrope of, yes, I want to let you learn from your mistakes. And there's some things I feel like I should protect your from some mistakes that you really, maybe shouldn't experience. Have you been able to determine any kind of guiding principle for how you do that? Or is it really a case by case evaluation for you?

I would have to say that it's going to be case by case for me. I don't follow a certain guideline, I don't follow a certain plan. I have to go with my gut instinct in certain situations and scenarios. And I think some of that may have come back as you know, him hearing too much for his age. Maybe he's I've exposed him to too many truths that maybe are weighing on him at a younger age. If I was to develop a guideline. I mean, well, this might not be the specific answer your question, but it's what's coming up for me at the moment. And it's prior to becoming a dad. I was offered an opportunity to sit in on a parenting coaching workshop. And the workshop is on Attachment Parenting. And Norm Amundson, I think was the individual whose work we were following. It was about collected before you direct. So the intention was foster the relationship and then direct the activity. And the analogy that they used was pretend that parenting is like putting your kids on a roller coaster. But it's a kid's roller coaster that has a steering wheel. So the kids feel like they're in control. They're charging, because they're steering the steering wheel. But the coaster is on a track, you know exactly where that coaster is going. And you know, where it's going to end up. But they feel like they have the ability to maneuver it and participate. So that's something that sits in the back of my mind, and it may support the answer to your question where I'm giving him the sense of freedom, the choice and the authority, but I'm setting boundaries around those those things. And the boundaries are, you know, we get our work done in the day that it's due or the day it's assigned not the day, it's due. That we, you know, we limit the amount of screen time that we have that we focus on our, you know, physical and mental health as a priority, those sort of things. I keep those as the boundary of priorities, and then allow him to have the freedom to play within those boundaries.

Right. Awesome. Okay, I need to, I need to highlight that because I know my kids are gonna listen to this. And they that was some good tips, do it on the day, it's assigned, not the day it's due, right? Okay.

We had some challenges in school, first year of high school, got behind on a few assignments, and then it was six months of catch up. And that was six months of like, beating ourselves up and six months of wishing we had done things differently. And that was momentum that came forward into a new school year this year. And the fear of that feeling, again, is what's motivating him to put in that effort and work ahead. And there was a comment early on, I don't know why I'm working tonight to finish this thing when I have time tomorrow. And my thought was, let's practice the behavior of finishing things when we can instead of when we have to, and then enjoy the freedom of time, when we could be doing the last minute work, we can be working forward on something else. And that's a, that's almost an addictive feeling. When you feel like you've caught up when you feel like you're moving forward, it feels so much better than catching up. And so that's something I want him to keep leaning into.

I love the way you said that, that is awesome. Let's practice the habit of getting things done when we can and not when we have to. I think because it's right. That's, that's really great. I like the way he put that very succinctly. So you've been dealing with entrepreneurship, from your own side, and we, we shared a bit about that, that process and being very vulnerable in that process and how you've allowed that journey of yours to become part of your teaching and, raising your son to, to adulthood. So has he kind of grabbed on to some of that as in terms of entrepreneurship is, is that bug planted in him or, ...

it's interesting, he has a different outlook on his career on a weekly basis, and I thrive on that, I absolutely love it, because you don't have to pick up your whole life. But if you're open to opportunities, if you're open to your curiosity, you're gonna keep finding things that excite you. And I just want him right now to keep being excited. He was previously quite focused on becoming a police officer. He's had a few family members that have gone through the training and have now become officers and he's quite proud of them. That, as he's learning that, you know, as an officer, you're you never get to see people on their good days. You're seeing everybody on their bad days. I feel like he's moving away from that a little bit. His biggest, biggest passion is history. He loves wars, he loves histories of nations and leadership. He loves politics. My son will put on a podcast about the potato famine, and that's his entertainment for the afternoon. So I'm helping him to explore careers and opportunities that are long term in history. He you know, as a as somebody in school, you're like, Well, I just have to learn these facts and study them. So I can pass tests, like yes, but there's a whole type of career path that is a part of that as well. And that's what I do with people on a day to day basis in my work is how does your experience and your passion and interest, something you can do that changes or affects the world. And so helping him figure out his passions and interests and what that can do for the world and the people around him is fun conversations I love having with him. So the fact that he changes his direction on a weekly basis means I get to keep having those conversations.

Well, that's fun. And I mean, I certainly can't fault you for recognizing that. I mean, at his age, you're not going to have it figured out. Right? So. And I kind of struggle with that with, with our school systems, a lot of time there's this pressure to, what are you going to do? What are you going to be when you leave school, like, you should have, you know, where you're, where your life is headed.

I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. And I'm 40. So I don't expect a 14 year old to know. Right now the world, the world is full of opportunities. And that's that's the exciting part.

Absolutely. And I've been saying that for years, I finally kind of feel like I'm settling into something I might probably going to be doing for the rest of our life in some form or other but and that's at 55. So there's lots of time. But I think a lot of us struggle with that. Right? Because we were were raised and we have sort of systems that push us to, to pick something and stick with it. And then those of us that have a lot of ideas and creativity on on that. And there's sometimes a bit of back pressure there. Are you, are you seeing any of that conflict with your son? Or is he getting a fairly open message? Obviously, you're giving him primary encouragement. Is there any sort of opposing force for your son right now, that's kind of that he feels pressure to, to focus on one thing, or,

you know, it's an interesting age at 14. This is where I watched his uncles have to make the decision on specializing in one sport. You know, as kids grow up, they're multi sport athletes, and then they get to those early teen years. And it's like, well, this is where it gets serious. Or this is where you know, you're planning for a scholarship, or this is where you're going to make the majors, like you have to decide on one sport and go all in on that sport. And the studies have shown that when children specialize in one sport, they lose a, actually a health and strength benefit, because they're only focusing on developing in one area. And they they lose the camaraderie with other teammates on other teams, they lose the difference in training for that other sport or that other activity. So when it comes to, to his focus in other areas, I'm still, I'm still wanting to see him have the variety of options. There is the the interesting side, like you said, opposing forces. So at mom's house, her and her husband, they work for the same company. And they're, they're stable, consistent jobs. Mom had a car accident, and she's been at home for five years. So for the last five years, our sons have his two main caregivers at home. And growing up with to stay at home parents is probably for some teenagers annoying, but for others a huge benefit. Because there's people available, there's support, they're not alone, we have a little less on our plates to be able to provide and support him. But like you said, opposing forces are still there in the school system as well, right? The school system is trying to get them through a certain path, so that they have the options that are available to them. What I was trying to teach him through my work with the charity and the nonprofit, or the charity of teaching entrepreneurship was that you don't have to take one single path. And everybody's path is a little different. And you get to create your own path based on your interests, your passions, and what problems you see in the world. Because if you're driven to solve a problem, there's a career around that people will pay you for the thing that you love doing. So yeah, there's there's forces all around him. I mean, social media in itself is just influence and influence of all kinds of different opinions and ideas. And so when you say opposing forces, the thought that comes to my mind, is all of this information just overload flooding these children and they get to decide what is information that they use and what information they don't use. And so I feel like initially, or essentially you can empower the the youth to decide what those opposing forces are for them. Yes, parents are going to come as a force, but the social media, what you allow into your world, what you're consuming is also that force, so that's putting you in a certain direction.

Yeah, for sure. Speaking of social media, talking about kids pretty much gotta touch on that. Here we go.

Exactly. Yeah. In general or a specific question about it?

I'll let you start with, share with share what kind of hits you on that in terms of how you're, you and your son are are working through that.

Yeah, I can go back to something that he actually said to me yesterday. So, before he had a phone before he was really connected to the world. ROBLOX was a game that became incredibly popular amongst his age group. And I feel like meeting your friends online in Roblox after school to play the game really replaced the after school playdates or the socialization that used to happen. So now kids are all online. Articles came out that parents should be careful of who their kids are engaging and interacting with when they're playing this game. Because it was a free for all anybody could join that it became a bit of a breeding ground for predators that wanted to chat with kids. Right. So out of curiosity, his mother signed up for an account and went online and played the game for 20 minutes. And in those 20 minutes, claims that she was propositioned three times in those 20 minutes by adults, that she was assuming adult strangers, asking her to go to a private room and chat. His access to Roblox was then pulled. And he wasn't allowed to play this game and all his friends were playing. And the reason was expressed to him, clearly, he was told that there are people on there that are preying on the innocence of children, and we don't want you participating in that. It's like if you knew people, bad people were hanging out this playground, you wouldn't let your kid go play at that playground. He at 14, again, like nine years later, tells me last night that that had an impact on him. And to this day, now that he has a bank card and a bank account, he's less likely to use Amazon, he's less likely to shop for anything online, because of the early memory of learning that there's people online, willing to take advantage of you. So I know this wasn't specifically your question, but I had to share it that the impact of a conversation around safety online is still impacting me nine years later, and how he interacts online.

That's hugely valuable. Yeah, to hear that.

Yeah. And then the second answer to your question is a lot of his friends don't use telephones like you used to, right. They don't necessarily text they don't necessarily call. They use the other apps. They're using Snapchat, they're using tick tock, and they communicate through the social media platforms. And so I've allowed him to have a tick tock account so that he could connect with his friends. Then one day, a couple of weeks ago, he says to me, have you noticed the stats? Have you seen that my generation is being labeled as the most depressed generation ever? And he says, Why do you think that is? We had our conversation, we talked about what the potential reasons are for his generation getting that label. Not even an hour later, he comes downstairs to tell me that he's found a tick tock that he would like me to watch, and he would like my opinion on it. The Tick Tock was one person's video, talking about their experience in the life they're living. The video gets cut off, and it's another individual. So honestly, don't know how Tik Tok works. But it's a it's a, what do you call it like a reply or a, you know, repost this person giving their opinion on the original posts opinion? contradicting it. And my son says, So what do you think of this? I said, Well, I gotta be honest, this irritates the hell out of me, because I have one person giving me their opinion. And then one person told me why that opinion is wrong and why I should believe their opinion. And said Here I am watching two opinions. I don't agree with feeling the pressure of having to side with one of those opinions. And then because this is a public platform, it's like, okay, now I'm sharing which opinion I side with, did I side with the right one? Or did I side with the wrong one? And I start to feel that pressure. And it's opinions that mean absolutely nothing to me or my world. Yet. I feel like I have to choose a side. I said, you asked me an hour ago why I think you're the most depressed generation. I said, because I feel like you have to listen to the whole world opinions. And you have to decide who you side with and who you don't side with. And that is a pressure you don't need in your life.

Oh, that's a that's a huge insight. I had I hadn't really thought about that. That pressure to, to decide.

There's there's a lot of fear in media right now. Because fear gets attention, right. So what I find is this generation is getting inundated with all the problems of the world. Now, I'm also inspired because this generation feels like they need to solve all those problems. They feel like it's on them to clean up the plastics in the ocean. It's on them to, you know, rectify air pollution or global warming. And that's a lot of pressure for for a young demographic. And so now you're in a balance of do I, do I state claim that I'm going to solve this problem in the world? Or do I choose ignorance and pretend that problems not there? And what are my friends doing? And how are they positioning themselves? And what is their opinion? And then that's just a lot of pressure to be right. And to do the right thing, and to ensure that people see what side that you're on, so that you were seen in an appropriate light?

Right? Yeah, I have to agree. That's, that is a lot that I suppose for me, it feels, it seems that a lot of it is inappropriate, in terms of the amount of information and as you say, the pressures of choosing that that are being put on young people. But so but then the question is, you know, how do we navigate through that? So you're talking with your son about these things, and he's obviously bringing stuff to you, which is awesome. 14 year old boy is actually coming to you with stuff and asking you, that's huge, because a lot of us, you know, the stereotype is like, turn teenager, and they turn their back on you and don't even want to be in the same house. So that's, that's, I mean, that must give you a lot of peace to know that. And that's a compliment to your to your parenting. And I guess your wife, too, obviously, you're both together on that. So congratulations on that. Is it is it too much to to explore more of the specific of the conversations around how he's thinking through these, these choices and these sort of the black and white options and the right and wrong, that he's that he's being faced with? I don't know if I, if you can share anything else in terms of how specifically you're, you're helping him with the thinking of that process?

Interesting question. I am not sure that I'm best in that position. Because what I did witness was the weight of all of those decisions. And I could see a weighing heavy on him. And it was showing up in, you know, lethargy, and some anxieties around, you know, what am I going to learn that's wrong today that I have to then put on my list of things to solve, seeing it weighing heavy on him. And it was out of my expertise as to how to address and work with that. Of course, over the course of months, tried lots of things like, let's get up and exercise, let's start our day with you know, endorphins, tried teaching meditation, or like, let's try journaling, let's write our emotions out, let's see if we can, you know, clear the clutter, that's in our mind. And these things didn't take, they didn't really fly within his routine or, or his approach. So we ended up booking sessions with a counselor. And we were really lucky, we found a counseling office that had counselor who specializes in supporting students at schools that are deemed to be more high performing educational settings. And the students feeling the pressure of that we're able to communicate with this counselor. We've only been going for a little while. But the ability to have a conversation with somebody outside of his family, about the challenges that he faces has been a game changer. In his own words, he says it's this person is really good at asking follow up questions, and he feels a lot more grounded, centered in himself, and that he's not taking on the pressures outside of him as much. So to answer your question, I do struggle with, you know, how deep to go in with those questions. But finding an outside support has been a game changer for him.

Yeah, I can see that. I mean, we've, my wife and I have used counselors a lot over the years and encouraged our kids to do that as well at times. So that's, that's absolutely true that sometimes having somebody who's just unrelated and outside is, is very helpful. Yeah.

I think we grew up, I grew up believing that I had to solve all my own problems, right. Like it's on me. And ultimately, yes, but recognizing, giving him early proof in his life, that there's support from outside, that there are people you can talk to. I I'm hoping he's developing the tools to be able to support himself. But doing it early on, right, not until we get because I should probably go talk to a counselor now at 40. Right? There's things I need to get off my chest as coaches that I talked to on a regular basis. And the longer I resisted, the deeper darker my thoughts were so I feel like The earlier he's able to look to find that resource and those tools, the better he'll be.

Yeah, absolutely. That leaving anything that's not going well, putting it off to later never makes it better.

Yeah, right, the procrastination actually ends up causing a lot more stress than the activity, you're procrastinating.

Yeah. Well, that's what is there anything else I'm not expecting there is, but I just want to see if there was something else on your heart that you wanted to share with the listeners, before we kind of wrap up. There was something I never got around to asking you that was you just really wanted to be able to share for the benefit of others?

Well, one thing that comes up a lot when when people talk to me about parenting is how I've established a co-parenting relationship with an ex wife, people find us to be quite a power when it comes to parenting. And one of the things that I, I find have been our benefit was having our son registered in so many sports early on in the divorce is that we kept him busy. So he was always active most nights of the week. And as a single parent, what happened was, I then got to see him at his sports events, on the weeks that he was at mom's house. And that gave me access to him in his world, when he wasn't living with me. So on the week that he's with mom that still go to the sports, I would still pick him up from school and get him to the sports if she wasn't able to. And the other benefit of that is his mother was the same way, she would still come to every practice, she would still come to every game. And what it did was it it made us sit down and communicate with each other outside of having a marriage or a relationship. Now we are transitioning that relationship, it's not that we ended our relationship, we just transitioned our relationship from being out of marriage to that of cooperative parenting. And so our conversations were about our son and about decisions and about what was best for him. And that created a fantastic foundation for us to be able to continue to work together, even though we were no longer in a relationship together. And I think that's possible for anybody, once we get past the emotions of our own relationship, the love interest there, once we get past that, and we get into the fact that we're still responsible to each other, for this person that we're raising through the world. magic can happen, because kids, kids act based on the way their parents give them love and affection, right? The way that I praise my child, the way that the things that he did that caused me to share my love with him is what he's gonna go look for from other people. So if I could role model, or if I could show him, the love for him being his self, for him being his unique self, then that's the way he's gonna seek love from others is by being himself.

Right, and in that you've also been able to continue demonstrating quality relationships, the solid relationship I would say is probably still key for him. Right, just to see that you were able to continue to, to work together to parent together. Together separately. Absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah, I've heard a lot of kids that get upset when their parents are divorced. And they take, unfortunately, a sense of responsibility in that, like, they feel like they were a problem, or their parents couldn't handle them together. So for our son to grow up with a united front, knowing that, you know, even those parents have lived together, they're still united in his best interests, I hope is something that is a leg up or at least just a piece of competence for him.

Yeah, I'm sure it is. That's a big deal. So another congratulations to you guys on on working that out. Because so many parents just can't figure that out. And they just, the kids do get caught in the middle. So I'm very happy for your boy that he's not. And he has that continued loving support. Even as you guys have worked through your, your, your relationship, so well done. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, that's a big deal. So that's encouraging to others. I know there's a lot of single parents out there. So hopefully that's encouraging to them. And they if, if people wanted to reach out to you, and and connect with you, or are you open to having people reach out relating to this conversation, and how would you want them to do that?

Yeah, so right now, bradenricketts.com just takes you to my calendar booking haven't set up webpage haven't set up all the information. But there is a free 30 minute call with me. And just at Braden ricketts.com I'm happy to meet anybody, I'm happy to have a conversation about who you are, what you want to do in the world. And if there's any ways that I can support you,

that would be awesome. Like, all of us haven't got it all figured out. But you've been able to figure a lot of things. And I've really appreciated getting to know you and see the sincerity in, in who you are and what you're doing. And so I really want to encourage people that if you feel like you've seen something in Braden that you can connect with, and that might be helpful in a conversation, I really want to encourage you to go ahead and just just reach out, it's no commitment, there's no obligation, it's just a matter of someone to talk to. And as we were saying earlier, right, it's sometimes just somebody outside of your context, to just share things with, can really in itself, just make a difference. So,

you know, on that point, if you don't mind. And again, this is going back into the content as you're wrapping it up. But I had my son at 25. And none of my friends have had kids until now. So that's 14 years where none of my friends had kids. And it wasn't until I found a dad group where dads could talk about what it's like to be a father to be a partner, when I realized that, you know, you don't have to do parenting alone. We, we think we're supposed to be the experts, we think we're supposed to have all the answers. And we don't. And that can be terrifying. And so when you find other people that are in the same situation as you other parents to talk to, it can really ease a lot of stress and anxiety. So I'm here to talk to anybody about what they're what they're going through. And if there's there's ways of simplifying or if there's ways of just easing the stress and turning it into loving the life and the day to day.

Absolutely. Thanks for sharing that. Really appreciate it. That's what we're here for. Provide options, lessons learned and encouragement for each other to move ahead in this thing, this life of being dad, which can be really crazy and really exciting and fun and confusing, all in the same place. But there is support and there's encouragement. And though there's a lot of negative, there's, there's a lot of guys, and there's a lot of women who are supporting us. So guys never go through it alone. There's no need for that. There's so many of us that want to support each other and work together. So I want to thank you again, Braden so much for rejoining me. I'm hoping we'll have more conversations in the future, and continue to get to know each other. It's this is one of the things I love about this journey is this is meeting some amazing people and getting to talk a bit about it. So as we wrap it up, I just want to say thank you guys all for listening everybody and encourage you if you haven't already, because we're still in the early stages of this podcast, please go ahead and subscribe, rate and review and share this with other people. The more that we get the ratings and reviews, the more it gets shared with other people and if you like what you're hearing hear other people are gonna like it. So I would encourage you to support what we're doing here by by going through that process. And if you know anybody else who might want to share their life lessons learned have them reach out to me through the links shared in the show notes below. Other than that, again, really excited for the conversation with Braden, and thank you and I have more great conversations coming up next week. I'll talk to you all very soon. Bye for now