Masterminds Unleashed: Relationship Success -- The Key to Authenticity and Trust with Carina Reeves

Catharine O'Leary: Hey everyone, welcome back to kickstart the conversation and I am excited today to introduce you to a good friend of mine. Carina Reeves and I have traveled around the US a few times. Well not traveled around the US but been to the US together a few times. We've had a few floaty times, as you've heard me say, where we mastermind in pools in Arizona and in Denver, I think and a bunch of other places. And Carina is a certified relationship coach and energy expert, who has empowered hundreds of clients to create the lives they've always wanted. And what's really cool about Carina, too, is that she's actually a classically trained cellist. So she uses that vibration and energy healing, along with her coaching to bring power, purpose and pleasure to her clients relationships and their life path. And Carina and I were talking about coming on to the show here, we were talking about how Carina is an expert in really connecting and building those relationships with trust with authenticity, and with, you know, really respect on both sides of the relationship. And one of the things that we let kickstart the conversation we've been talking about a lot is connecting with your ideal client, building that relationship, not being in that that push energy that you know, by this now because it's going to expire in 12.2 seconds, that's going away that people are not responding to that anymore. It doesn't feel authentic people like they're kind of wise to it, and and it feels very salesy. So what cream lights thought we could talk about today and Karina let Carina you know, kind of jump in here. But we thought we could talk about actually as entrepreneurs, how to take the blinders off on, you know, creating relationships in your personal life and your business, like keeping them separate. But actually, it's kind of all in one in the same thing. It's one in the same skill set. I think so fair, Carina?

Yeah, totally fair. And I just want to say there are very few things I can do until than the half seconds. So pressing, pressing, is definitely not one of them. And human beings do appreciate, do respond to limits to boundaries, just like just like kids do. Just like you know, when you want a better result, you're willing to put up with some pain, you're willing to put up with the pain of you know, if you're exploring intermittent fasting, or if you're exploring delayed gratification is, you know, the marshmallow experiment. Anybody heard of the marshmallow experiment? They had kids, I think they were seven. And they gave them the choice of one marshmallow now, or two marshmallows in, I don't know, 10 minutes, five minutes, probably felt like a million years and Kid world. And they kept track of those kids, they kept track of who chose the delayed gratification and who went just want a marshmallow. And I think the experiment was like maybe in the seven years now, correct me if I'm wrong. And those kids who had the capacity for the delayed gratification and wait for the two marshmallows. They were more successful at several markers in their lives. I can't believe the study for you right now. I read it I read it a million years ago, but they were successful over the instant gratification people and in our world. You know pick pick Have you are you working on your business? Are you working on your relationship? Are you working on your body are you working on you know your family? If you're not able to have some delayed gratification, then you're not actually taking time to check in with yourself so going back in my in my circle we call it bro marketing. Sorry, dudes.

Catharine O'Leary: It's a very push energy you can call it you know, people are calling it bro marketing. And it's kind of over.

It's over as part of the wave that's happening. So you can call it astrology you can call it some people, I'm sure are calling it Armageddon. Yeah, but when systems change, there is it's a dovetailing. And as, as things stop working, it's a space of experimentation. And what I've noticed in relationships is we notice things have stopped working because they're really uncomfortable because literally, it's not working anymore. You are not comfortable in your circumstances in how you feel in your body. It's like It's like the whole lobster thing, right? The lobster knows it's time to shed its shell when it's uncomfortable, but it's tightness. So we're looking around and we're seeing things getting worse not better. In many ways. It's well how it feels. But actually apparently crime is down and there's actually less human suffering in the world. You just know more about it hashtag if you haven't considered doing a news cleanse, I really recommend it. If you're feeling overwhelmed, total, restore that sidebar for one minute, if you don't have space to fix or help in some way, all you're doing is activating your habits of being uncomfortable in your nervous system by following the news. So I'm just gonna leave it there. If you can help, please fantastic, do it, like find out what's happening. But this world was not meant for joining all in a big pity party a big like a sorrel fest, like empathy is really different than connecting. So going back to that button, going back to the Buy Now button. If you feel like you're being pressured, and you're not ready yet, you're right. And so what are the what are the legs? So this conversation and I'll kick it back to you in a second, this conversation is about, okay, well, it's not about the pressure. It's not about the Biafra. It's not about the your life will never succeed or feel good, or Baba, but if unless you do those things, and what's the alternative, and what I'm seeing with my clients, and in my own life, is that the alternative is never just in one thing, it's not about just doing business differently, it's going to be a journey that will impact your other things. And that is why I'm taking this cool approach in my business that I'm starting to build. Now with my partner, we've had so many breakthroughs in our relationship and release the relationship as a pathway for self discovery and self expansion, that we're realizing that it's an incredibly parallel journey with your business. So if you're noticing that you don't know what to do, you don't know what to say you don't feel willing to show your face, you don't feel willing to be open, you don't want to say how you're really feeling. You don't want to give space for the person to make a choice. That's right for them. That is something you actually get to take back to yourself and say, here's the question, What am I afraid of.

Catharine O'Leary: And so so there's a lot to unpack there. And I and I understand that, but at the end of the day, and we talked about this all the time with quizzes, and with curiosity, and asking questions, is all about getting to know your audience, but also for them to get to know like, and trust you, people talk about that. But in the past, you know, say like, even, you know, pre COVID, but even through a little bit of COVID, it was still a lot of, you know, I'm gonna say like, half measures. So you know, that we give, we can just enough value, right, like, just enough to get somebody in the door, or just enough to tease them, so that they, they, you know, take the next step, and that, I do believe that that is done. And that if you can add value, and like a friend, like a colleague, like somebody that actually is showing up to support me, and you show that to begin with in the business relationship, you're gonna have a lot better chance of getting me into let alone a you know, $1,000 course or someone that but your, your high end your $25,000 course, because you've actually set up this the, the relationship to be a true give and take, as opposed to like, tricking people or giving just the bare minimum or, and, you know, like, that's not just business, right? You can't do that in your personal life. Like, you know that, you know, you can't do that in your personal life. So you have to do it in your business, right?

Hang on. People do. There's a whole pickup culture that's being taught to men who want more success with women. That is exactly that. But there isn't enough rope to bring you to happiness. So by that, I mean, well, and then what? So, you learn these techniques that let you get girls to sleep with you easily. Okay? And then what? Okay, you figure out how to pressure people so that they feel like their lives can never recover if they don't have your course. Okay, well, then, then what? To me, one of the saddest things I hear is people who have done business coaching or personal coaching, and they become more successful, and who's telling the story. can remember who the story was from whoever it is sorry. And their client called them and they just sold their tech company for like $200 million, and they're at the party, and they they inflate Gone away to find a closet to call their therapist. And they're like, I don't feel anything. Is this? Like, if $200 million isn't enough to make me happy that I am in the wrong game?

Catharine O'Leary: Yeah. And there are, there are. And we've all heard this. And I'm not saying this flippantly, I'm saying there are a lot of miserable millionaires. Right? Like they like, it's, it's about the money with entrepreneurs, I'm not gonna lie, it's about the money, like, I want to make money, right? But money gives me the freedom to make choices and have experiences and, you know, be able to connect with friends and family and, you know, new friends and so on outside of the business and the businesses. You know, right now, as I'm building my business, it's a big part. It's a big chunk of my time. But the end game is not necessarily that bank account number, the bank account number is a goal. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that. What I'm saying is that there's more to it. And entrepreneurship is a long game. Like it's, it's it's a long view game lifestyle. It's not for the faint of heart, folks. And I've said this before, you want to make a bazillion dollars easily buy a lottery ticket. Because the entrepreneurship like many people are like, you know, they're just not that many people that turn into millionaires overnight. It's usually a 10 year success story that turns you know, all of a sudden, you're an overnight success. Well, it took 10 years to get there. So you know, you have to, if you're in it for the long haul, then why wouldn't you be in it to create the community that you want to hang out within 10 years? Is that fair?

It's more than fair. And it was really interesting and what you just shared, you said, don't get me wrong, I'm in it for the money. And then you went on to explain what was actually important to you? Yeah. So what if we stop being in it for the money and the money becomes part of this wonderful exchange? It doesn't have to be to me, that's, it can be a bit binary, either. It's about the money, or it's about the people. And I think what actually you were describing is far more holistic. And when it comes to how much you give away. It's actually in my circle becoming becoming commonplace, that we give it all away. It's becoming commonplace, because you can find anything on the internet, my gift isn't the information, My gift is facilitating you actually making it happen, there is no self help in my role. There isn't. And that's something that people can feel, when they work with me, it's one of the things people were like, took me a while to work up the courage to work with you, because I knew my life would change. And I'm going to have that as both like my one of my best features. And one of the things that like, you know, are you if you really want to do this, I'm gonna, I'm actually going to help you do it, it's actually going to happen.

Catharine O'Leary: And I love what you said about, like, give it all away. And I've said this before as well. Like, if it was as easy as the information, everything's on YouTube, if it was as easy as just getting the information you aren't, you'd already be there, you'd already have the relationship that you want with your partner, you'd already have the relationship that you want with your kids, you'd already have the relationship that you want with your clients, like it would be there. So that's not what it's about. Right? It's about mentorship and accountability and growing with a group or a tribe of people that are like minded. So it's it goes well beyond the information, it goes into implementation and insights, where that's where the money hits the road. Really.

Hmm. Can it can and I think it's very parallel to what's happening in the world right now. As structures of how the world functions crumble, so to is our, how we relate to ourselves and to the people we love. It's really, it's changing and it's vulnerable. And so going back to that, you know, vulnerability at the beginning of our, of this conversation, not having support It can feel really lonely. And it can be part of what re activates the fear cycle of, I believe we all had trauma when we were kids, there's big T trauma, and there's like you can, a kid can get a glance the wrong way. And suddenly, they don't believe in themselves anymore, or they don't go, they don't go to art, they don't want to do their art class anymore, or like little things can become really big stories as grown ups. And so having, having those mentors help you as what I love about your quizzes is that they're about curiosity, and getting to genuine curiosity. With out. It's such a dance, right? So genuine curiosity doesn't require payment. It's a pleasure. It's its own, I really want to get to know you. I'm really excited about this call. Because we're going to get to know each other better. Like we're going, we're going we're going deep are saying all the things. And part of the beauty of going deep and seeing all the things is that it makes people it makes the people who are interested in working with me or working with you curious about what else is going to happen. Curiosity is an expander. Yes. So when we've had a conversation that's genuinely curious, people will want to reach out we will seem like we will actually be more open hearted. And then there's room for people to come to us. We we are we're grounded, we're planted. We're open hearted. And that is the space where people want to come to us. If I make a quiz, where I'm like, How can I ask all the questions, so that the only answer is that they should work with me? It's gonna feel icky. I think you tell me where I'm wrong.

Catharine O'Leary: 100% Like, I mean, that's not to say that a quiz wouldn't lead people to work with you. But it's, it's more about making sure the right people are attracted to begin with. So that they are already, you know, pre qualified, they're already at the level to work with you so that you're not having those icky conversations, because they're already at the place where they're like, Yeah, that's what I need. Right? So for for you, it's like, yeah, I need to build my relationships, personal relationships, business relationships. And maybe you can talk a little bit more about, you know, use some of your programs, or you know, what you have coming up and talk a little bit about who you serve, and how you serve them, because we kind of went all over the place here. So I want to get back to making sure that people understand what you what your zone of genius is.

Thank you. So if there's a takeaway today, here's here's the takeaway. One of the invitations is to see where your language has become a habit. So every niche has its own, like, code words, if you will. We're the people in that niche know what those things mean. But it can be really expanding it was there was a movie, but a Denzel Washington, and his kid was sick. And you're trying to figure out the US trying to figure out the health care system in America. And every time he talked to someone, they would talk in that code, they would talk in that speak, that was their niche. And you'd be like, talk to me, like I'm seven. And that clarity, helps it not be like oh, and I already know that. Because part of curiosity is the freshness of, oh, this is really present. So. So Oh, when I already know that often gets you in that binary thinking, I don't want that. So I have to do this. And so my takeaway for you today, before we talk about some of our programs, is okay, so what does that mean? What do I really want? And what do I really want for them? And how can it be a win, win, win, and talk to me like I'm seven.

Catharine O'Leary: Because we get tripped up on our own acronyms. Don't use the acronyms and we also get tripped up on the language that you use once the problem is solved. Not when you're in the problem and you don't see a way out. Those are two different language patterns. So I talked about the 3am question all the time. You have to have that in your ideal clients language and that's, you know, that's talk to me like I'm seven talk to me, like in my grade five, like what what does that look like? So I love that. So tell us tell us a little bit more about about Karina reads and the glorious coaching that she does.

Thank you so much. I'm really committed to this new wave of coaching So I'm committed to, if you know the Yin Yang symbol, the feminine and the masculine energy move together. So the masculine holds the masculine is the structure of what happens. In the cello world, the masculine would be the metronome. And the feminine is the flow, the feminine is the inspiration, the feminine is the connection. And what I find is that, ironically, there's stories in the world as systems are crumbling, that one or the other is better or worse, and it's not true, it's about being able to hold it together. So one of my zones of genius, if you will, is that I'm really good at seeing where you're either in your rigidity, which is too much masculine, if you will. And when too much of anything, hashtag chocolate wine stick isn't good for you, it becomes stuck. And I will just say, see, when you're too much in your flow, and you're spilling everywhere, your emotions are two, they're always valid, but sometimes they're not serving you and you need to be the one who's in the driver's seat. So I'm really good at helping you see both where you're out of balance, and also for seeing what your next steps are, where your wounds are, where your blind spots are, for what will help you come back to you. It's always about where your desires are, which is a remarkably vulnerable question, especially for women. And I'm gonna offer for entrepreneurs like we saw with you a few minutes ago, don't get me wrong, I'm all about the money. No, you're not. You're all about the relationships and the experience there. I'm just gonna say that you're welcome. And so, as my my partner for years, we have both become relationship coaches before we met, and it was absolutely part of what's been given us the space to create this remarkable, exquisite relationship that we have this not about being perfect. It's about how we do things together. And we want to get to the 20 $200 million mark, feeling like we're on top of the world. In fact, we want to feel like we're on top of the world every single day, which is like pretty much what happens we have we know how to repair, we know how to celebrate, we know how to appreciate each other we know how to amplify, we know how to give credit to each other. And so we're building a course right now. I mean, I must tell you tell you our freebie that we made for first because I think it's perfect for the talk to me like I'm seven Hodgson goes my 3am problem, because my partner wanted to Matt, he wanted to use the word ease in an email and our welcome email the other day, we were working on a couple days ago when I was like, I don't think people wake up wanting more ease, I think they want to not kill their partner. So our our lead magnet is designed to work with your spouse without killing them. And we really believe in bringing that the both and of the torture of being so frustrated, and wanting to move through it and to be together and to find find your way and to laugh about it. We were we're firm believers in gallows humor. And it's all going to be leading into this this idea that I don't really see a lot of anybody else really talking about that when you build a business that you love, it can support your relationship and when you build a relationship that you love, it will support your business and just like the Yin Yang symbol, we just love that idea that that both are places to explore and things to come together so our the program that we're calling that we're building is called the thriving couple six figure entrepreneur program. We want the thriving couple that's our thing, we want you to turn up a bedroom and your bank account we want it to be just an adventure and exploration and discovery of yourself each other and your business

Catharine O'Leary: and not siloed not like my business is over here. And I can part like I think the compartmentalization that has happened in the past is is those boundaries are being crossed as and I love that that program is going to help people a you know not commit murder. So that's a good thing. That's always good. But be also just, you know, get into that get into the into your body and into your life. Because that includes business that includes kids that includes, you know, the puppy the house, the you know, the vacations, the struggles in the business, or whatever it is. So, I love that Karina and we will have that link in the show notes for you. And if there's some kind of one final word or one one way that people can connect with you or you know, like what's, how do we wrap this up? How do we put a bow on this? We put a bow

on it. I love I love messages I'ma slip into my DMs girl I am if it's an email, sorry, I might I may really never see it. So, Instagram, Matt and I are about to launch our own Instagram channel. I'm also on Facebook and LinkedIn. Yeah, just look me up. I'll be in I'll have a pretty pretty pink picture that I that's lots of fun. That's lots of fun. My my big takeaway is how you do anything is how you do everything. And let it be a discovery. Let it be the curiosity, let it be a place to connect.

Catharine O'Leary: Perfect. Well, thank you so much, Karina, for being on the show today. The lead magnet at the top 10 tips to you know, building a business without killing your partner which is awesome. And the all the links to connect with Carina will be in the show notes. I thank you all again for joining us and we'll see you next week.