From Surviving to Thriving: Empowerment Insights with Phyllis Ginsberg

Catharine O'Leary: Hey everybody. Welcome back to kickstart the conversation. I am your host, Catharine O'Leary. And I have the distinct pleasure of having Phyllis Ginsberg on the show today. Phyllis is well, first and foremost, she was my roommate at one of the retreats that we were just at, which was a lot of fun. We had a lot of fun in Orlando, just outside of Kissimmee, and we hung out for a few days. And this is when Phyllis was telling me about her new book that's coming out. But first, Phyllis is a widely recognized survival to thrival expert. She stands at the forefront of igniting personal transformation. In the modern era with a wealth of experience as an international speaker, Best Selling Author and seasoned therapist, Phyllis has become a catalyst for authentic change in individuals seeking to transcend mere survival, and embrace a thriving existence in the face of life's challenges. Because we all know that as entrepreneurs, especially solopreneurs, it tends to be a little bit more about survival than actually thriving, you know, in the earlier stages, so her impact reverberates across numerous esteemed platforms, including her feature in the documentary, the courage to continue. And media outlets such as women's world, CNBC, parade and health and well being magazines. And I know that her most recent book, empower you free yourself from generational conditioning to unleash competence, happiness and resilience, that Phillips provides a transformative guide to empowering individuals to break free of the constraints of the past and embark on a journey towards self discovery and empowerment. And that was a lot to say. So I'm going to give it over to Phyllis to maybe, you know, be a little bit more concise, because I tend to drone on, and tell us what she's working on in both the new book. Welcome, Phyllis.

Oh, thank you, it's so great to be back with you and to be talking to all the people who are listening and watching us. So this week is has been super exciting, my new book empowered you just launched on Tuesday. And so it's it's just incredible the amount of things that get in our way that we're not aware of. And being an entrepreneur, I've been in private practice for over 30 years. And then I took on this whole author thing with my first book about 10 years ago, and so empowered you is my third book and, you know, creating the foundation to be able to have all the things you need to have a successful business, the website, the opt in, like all the stuff. That's the stuff that everybody needs. But what gets missed often is the mindset that needs to be upgraded as we embark on new things as we uplevel our game. And if I didn't do the inner work, there's no way I'd be here today, talking to you and doing what I'm doing.

Catharine O'Leary: And the inner work. I mean, I'm just like, I don't know if it's because I'm doing a lot of inner work myself, as I mean, entrepreneurship, honestly, is the best personal development courses that you'll ever take. Because it's all about inner work. It's all about motivating yourself, holding yourself accountable, and leveling up and so on. And I hear it all the time. But there's there are things that really hold us back. And I think that that's what you you talk about with the the empower you conversation that you're having in your book, is that correct? Right.

So I've got several different categories of things. Like the messages that we've grown up with, and some of them from the topic of accomplishments, I'm just gonna read you these, because I don't know that they're top of mind to us. But when I mentioned them to people or clients come to me and say, I'm having a problem with this. I'll ask them, What messages Did you receive about accomplishments when you were growing up? Don't brag, be humble. Don't upstage your brother or your sister, or your mom or dad? And what makes you think you're better than everyone else? Hmm. So these things are often running in the background and anything that comes close to it can trigger that message in your subconscious and then you find yourself procrastinating, sabotaging and not moving forward.

Catharine O'Leary: So it's interesting that, you know, the things that were said as we were growing up, like have massive impact on our decisions now, even though I don't think I've thought back to the days when I heard and I did hear like, okay, you know what, it's time for your sister to shine You know, like, kind of dim your light because you know, it's not your turn.

Yeah. And I think that so many of us, we're smart, we're capable, we're intelligent, we're educated, we've done amazing things. And yet, as we tried to go to that next thing, like we're up leveling, we're getting close to six figures or getting the seven figures, like whatever the goal is, there's gonna be some edginess, oh my, what's going to happen? Whose feathers Am I gonna ruffle?

Catharine O'Leary: That's, and even if, you know, like, like, my, for example, my sisters are not entrepreneurs, they're they they're in, you know, they're very happy in corporate jobs, and we're doing very well. So it's not even that, you know, as an entrepreneur, I would be in competition in any way, shape or form with them. But you do hear that like that imposter syndrome. So maybe it's not with a family member, maybe it's, oh, well, that person does the same thing. And they're bigger than me, and what makes me think that I can compete with them or that, you know, I have something different than they do. And that's, that's a big one,

I think, right? That I wrote a bit about comparison, because we tend to compare how we're doing to other people, and then we determine our value and our worth, based on how we measure up or don't measure up. And that can be a huge deterrent, to moving forward. Because now we're focused on what's not working failures, right things that we've done in the past how, how they've not gone well. Like, it just opens up a whole door of negativity, instead of focusing on where you're at and what you need to do, to get where you're going.

Catharine O'Leary: So what are some of the things that people can do to kind of stay out of the rabbit hole of going down the, you know, that whole negativity, negativity spiral,

right. So as soon as you hear your inner talk, self talk, the the chatter that goes on, the might be self doubt, or that you're putting yourself down, that would be a great time to become aware, and then shift it replace it with, with, I mean, there's a variety of different ways you can replace your thoughts. I must have like a dozen of them in the book, but you can choose to say, wait a minute, I'm going to move forward, you can remind yourself how capable you are, how successful you have been. And it can be at anything, it doesn't even have to be in your business. I have been so successful in my past career, even though I'm moving into this new something, or I'm, I've been successful with what I'm doing. And now I'm moving to the next level. honor that and and think about your resiliency. And then I do have four characteristics of resilient people. And I think that this is worth sharing. The first one is people who are more resilient, who have mental resiliency are happy. So if you're not happy, if you're distraught, if you are down in the dumps, if you're worried and have fear, find something that makes you happy, you can just look outside and see, wow, the sky is blue, the sun shining, you can stand in the warmth of the sunshine, either in the window or outside, you can acknowledge the happiness of that first sip of coffee or tea in the morning. Like it doesn't have to cost anything, it doesn't have to be a big something. If you're gonna keep a journal at the end of the day, and write down three to five of your happiest moments of the day. During the day, you're probably going to be looking for what are you going to write in that. And so the foil like that, the focus actually serves the purpose of interrupting the patterns of thought that get in the way of where you're going. So that's my number one tip. And that's actually my book brain makeover. The second is, the characteristic is to be flexible. So yes, things are going to go haywire. The internet's not always going to, right technology is going to give us challenges expect that and be flexible. If somebody says they're gonna do something they don't anticipate, like, okay, we're all human things happen. Maybe i i need to wait. Maybe there's a good reason for this not working. But having some flexibility and not being super rigid is a trait of mental resilience. The next one is to be patient. So waiting. And often, this, this is something that I have really worked a lot on waiting for the ideal timing, waiting until I'm inspired until I get like that green light that says, now's the time to send that email is if I check in. And I think, you know, I'm really not inspired to do this right now. I don't want to do it. Okay, somebody might think that's procrastination. But if I think about it, like, I'll ask myself is now a good time to send this email? Or am I avoiding it? And you can get a sense, you can feel like, oh, yeah, I'm avoiding or no, you know, it just doesn't feel right. In my newsletter, if it doesn't feel right, it'll go out on time. But I will sit with it. And maybe I'll go downstairs and have a glass of water, and then come up and look at it again, with fresh eyes. And lastly, the trait that mentally resilient people have is being optimistic. Seeing things in a positive light makes a huge difference. Because you're now focused on what you really do want rather than what you're afraid of. And that's a game changer, you don't want to be like, it's almost like praying for the worst, when you want the best. So thinking in the direction of optimism isn't just, oh, it'd be nice to be happy and optimistic, it actually puts out a vibe to attract what you want. So those

Catharine O'Leary: yeah, those are mess. I love the happiness journal. Like that, like, kind of, like, we've heard about the gratitude journal I've heard about, you know, kind of, like, you know, in the morning, you know, write down your day as if it's already happened, and all the good things and so on. But I kind of liked that happiness Journal of just okay, and add to, to whatever your journaling, if you are, at the end of the day, okay, what were the three or five things where I just stopped and went, Ah, that's really good. I like I love my job, or I love the fact that I don't have to get up until nine o'clock because my, you know, I'm working from home or whatever, you know, I love my coffee. And this is, Phyllis knows me, because we did work together. She knows I love my coffee in the morning. So yeah, I like that. And, and I think the, you know, the being flexible, is, like, it's easy to want to pick up your laptop and throw it out the window at times. Right? Like, it's just like, you know, whatever. ConvertKit isn't talking to Zapier and like, the technology is all over the place. Or you have a zoom call, and zoom suddenly wants to update all of your systems. And it takes 20 minutes and like, just breathe, like at the end of the day. Right? Like chances are good. He's dying. So you know, like, yes, it's, it's it's a distraction. It's annoying, it's frustrating. But at the same time, you kind of gotta laugh at it sometimes. Because, like, I mean, really, like, mostly,

most people are really understanding, especially if you send them a text saying, My computer's doing an update, like zoom decided to do an update. And like those things happen, and people are really understanding because they've gone through it too.

Catharine O'Leary: Exactly. Exactly. Well tell us a little bit more about the book and your, you know, kind of your, your going forward like you've got you've got the third book out now. So what are the plans like what's what's exciting you for the next for the next chapters, or, sorry, pun intended, for the next for the next steps in the book?

Well, over the next two weeks, I have 10 more interviews, scheduled ones with a radio station in New York, that reached out to me because they saw this whole flurry of things on Facebook and somebody that they knew who supported the book. And so it was really super cool to wake up to an email from the host of a radio program and say we want to interview you. And I don't have a set like I didn't thought out every single thing that's got to happen. I allowed for things to evolve organically. And so like you and I met and and we were roomies at this retreat, and here we are. And I've got, you know, like a dozen other people who have been just fantastically supportive. And I think that if we Allow for people and opportunities to come our way. Rather than force it. We're now in the flow of, okay, I'm, I'm here talking to you, somebody's going to hear this and might want me to talk to their group. Well, I couldn't have even even anticipated that I can't go seeking them out, because I don't know them. But I'm open to opportunities. And when I put that out there as like, to the universe, I am open to serve in the best way possible to reach the people who are meant to hear these messages, so that we can feel empowered and move forward and in the ways that I think humans are meant to be where I don't think we're meant to be here to suffer, and, and just be in survival mode.

Catharine O'Leary: I love the way that you you're kind of letting it unfold. Because, you know, like, and I've been in this situation where you're like, you're, you're holding on so tight, because you have to get that client or you have to get that bill paid, or, you know, like, oh my gosh, like you're just you're, you're so contracted and you're so stressed and you're so tight. And nothing can get in like, giant

forcing things to happen, like people feel that energy of, of force and desperation. And if you can avoid those feelings, or acknowledge them, and then have some compassion for yourself, work them through shift to how you're thinking about it. Because desperation is not it's not attractive.

Catharine O'Leary: No, and it's going to actually repel. And, you know, people feel that because who wants to work with somebody that's so desperate? Right? Why are you desperate? Like, why isn't everyone knocking down your door, so that like, just, you just want to avoid that at all at all costs. So I highly recommend Phyllis, his new book, if you can, if you can pick that up. And I do believe Phyllis, that you do actually have a gift for our audience today.

I do. So the gift is 10 self views. That's how you view yourself that get in the way or determine your likelihood of success. So it's 10 self use that determine your likelihood of success. And in it, you will find there are five of them, that describe the ones that will get in the way like self doubt, self criticism, self judgment, if you don't feel good about yourself, if you're, you've got negative self talk going, if you feel that you are bad or wrong in some way, that's going to interfere with your progress. And then there's five positive self views like self confidence. And those are going to be the ones that you'll want to focus on. Even if you just read the definitions of these, each day, or you post it, I highly recommend printing out the page that's got the selfies, putting it where you can see it and reminding yourself to have a more positive self view, you'll find that everything looks so much better when you change the glasses, right? When you change that view of yourself. Because we we really want to change other people thinking that's going to make a difference. If I just do this one thing if that person just did one more thing for me, but no, it's really it comes from us first.

Catharine O'Leary: It is success is an inside job. So it has to start with you and your mindset, your attitude, your confidence, your like just how you're showing up. And you know, I love that you've got the five negatives. So like, hey, when you catch yourself doing this, you know, like you need to, you know, stop and reframe. And then you know, the five positives that you can reframe into so that's amazing, Phyllis, thank you so much for being on the show today. Really appreciate your time. Can't wait to to hear more about how everything unfolds for you. Yes, I

will keep you updated. And thank you so much for having me.

Catharine O'Leary: Excellent. Well, thanks everyone for listening again to kickstart the conversation. Remember to stay curious, ask questions and we will talk to you next time.