The Power of Being Present with Mia Moran

Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting your LGBTQ Teen. The podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child filled with awesome guests practical strategies and moving stories host Heather Hester always makes you feel like you're having a cozy chat. Wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone. And here is Heather for this week's amazing episode.

Welcome to Just Breathe, I am so glad you are here today. Today's guest has such a relatable and inspiring story to share. Mia Moran is the founder of Plan Simple, and she helps women balance wellness work and motherhood tried and true in her own life and hundreds of others. Mia and Plan Simple offer inspiration for action tools for planning and systems for follow through. I really enjoyed our chat and truly appreciated her sharing of her own life experiences and thoughts on mental health. So Mia, I am so glad that you are here with us today to talk about something a little bit different. And something that we really haven't touched on for a while. So I'm really, really happy to circle back to talking a little bit about taking care of our mental health, how we can help our kids empower them to take care of their mental health. And as well as I love what you do, because it kind of brings together two things that parents are good for parents to do. But we we often don't do it, which is planning and taking care of ourselves. Right. So why don't we start out with just sharing a little bit about your background and how you decided to start plan Central? I'm sorry, plan simple. And in why you decided to start that?

Absolutely. So I just have to go back a little bit. So I've always been an entrepreneur. And but I was trained as a graphic designer. So okay, way back when in my late 20s. I had owned a graphic design studio for quite a few years. And at that point, you know, my late 20s, early 30s, I had my three kids while I owned this graphic design studio. And one day when they were still all under five, I think the baby was like eight or nine months. I just remember looking across my desk at this stack of coffee cups like Starbucks cups that had just built up over the course of the day. And I just remember looking at those cups and being like, how did I first of all leave my desk that many times to get coffee? And also if you drink that much caffeine? Aren't you supposed to be really awake? Because I'm frickin exhausted. And that was kind of my moment where I was like, huh, like, this isn't quite what I thought it would be like I had checked off all the boxes. And I was exhausted like I was it was really like I was at that. So that led me into this whole thing about eating healthy, like somehow like what I made this choice that I was going to just get more energy and it started with food. And then it moved into how I parented and I just let myself go on this sort of quest. And that ended up in a book that I ended up writing that kind of merged food and parenting called plan simple meals. And I did this crazy thing when my kids were like, I think they were second, fifth and seventh grade, I took them out of school for a year. And I went on the road, and I met a lot of moms like 1000s of bums. And I was teaching about planning simple meals. And you know, when I had decided to eat healthy, I think like there were certain vegetables like kale that if you told me to go get at the supermarket, I might have cried because I literally didn't know how to cook. And so I kind of thought that I was going to be like enlightening all these people around the country of like what Kale was and how to make a green smoothie. But it ended up that a lot of the people I was meeting knew how to do that. They were way ahead of me. And I kept being like, well, what's the problem, like I just kept being like trying to dig deeper. And it was really time it was that everyone had these huge aspirations to have beautiful food and sit at the table and enjoy their family. And there was just all these issues around stress and time that literally there was not the time to do the thing that they wanted to do. And so that started me down this road of really looking at how we might look at time differently, how maybe time, the way that we interacted with it might have been more better designed for our male counterparts. What it meant to like really look at time holistically. And that is sort of what I play with these days.

Wow. Oh my goodness, that is quite a journey. And yeah, I love that you took your kids at a school for a year to do that experience that had to offend. It was

so fun. And it's so funny. Like, it undid like one of the things in my brain that I thought for sure was true, which was that they need every year of school, because literally, like I bought all the curriculums, like I did all the things, and I had this like bag that probably weighed 200 pounds full of books, and I literally don't think we opened it for the entire year. And they all went to the next grade just fine. You know, like, the next year like nobody questioned it, they just went in, maybe they missed some Shakespeare or whatever, but like, they're fine.

Yeah, they're fine. Well, they're probably more than fine. Right? Because they have what a cool life experience. And, and just a great, I think, you know, one of the things I often think like, our kids live in such a bubble, right? I mean, I always say that about my, you know, my kids, where we live, like, you live in such a bubble. And so, you know, I love seeing their perspective, but once they have to who are in college now. So once they go into college, I mean, does that open their eyes, right? I mean, they start meeting so many different kinds of people, and they're living in a different place. And, and, and it's so it's so interesting for you, I mean, that your kids got to have that experience at such young ages. And really see that in a different way than, you know, an older teen would,

because my oldest is now 18. He's a senior in high school. And so he's just in the, you know, he just finished the process of applying to college, so and it all came out, like all like there was so many, like little gems that were literally pulled from that trip. And I was like, oh, like, you know, cuz I hadn't heard about it in years. It was seventh grade when he was on it. But like, it really did make a difference, or at least he correlated the difference? Oh, for

sure. I mean, what a great way to what a great thing to write your college essays on. Right, right. I mean, that's going to differentiate. It is such a stressful process, isn't it? Oh, my gosh, well,

it's funny, I will give your listeners this tidbit, because I know they're all in this age range. But actually, I did not. I mean, we don't have results yet. I will be clear about that. So maybe once we do, I'll feel differently, but I really do, I hope not. Because I really do feel like the process. Like I just looked at my son after. And I was like the process of doing that like literally was a personal growth exercise in itself. Oh, and I'm like, I just want to honor that you are like totally a different person. And everything you just did, there is almost more than what I think you'll get out of college, like, you know, because it really makes them dig deep. I mean, if they really embrace the process, right, it really makes them dig deep, and figure out what matters most to them and all the things

it really does. And it there's a huge time management piece in there. Right now. There's a huge, you know, learning to prioritize, and and you're absolutely right, you know, kind of taking that time to really reflect on their, their young but extraordinary lives, and be able to then put that on paper or type into a computer. Right. So very cool. I really that's, that is just I love that you did that. So I kind of want to talk a little bit about we were we were chatting a little bit before before I hit record. And so as you know, my audience is parents and allies of LGBTQIA kids, primarily, but parents, right parents. And so I'm wondering if we could talk a little bit about I know your your path and your journey has really taken you to this place of really understand looking at and understanding both the mental health of our children as well as our own personal mental health as parents and how those two correlate what we need to do as parents to be able to teach our children to have a healthy sense of their mental health. Yep. So I'm sharing

Yeah, no, it's absolutely so when, you know, as I was doing all this work around family dinner and you know, parenting and the rhythms of family, which was a lot what a lot of my early work was about and what I was helping people do. I really liked my talk. So we you know, we were having family dinners we were talking a lot like and I just developed this belief that our job as parents is really to help our kids become themselves like become who they were born to become like, versus what I thought they should be, or what like society thought they should be. I was just really clear about that the whole time, you know, and, and it felt pretty easy for many years to do that to facilitate that. And then they became teenagers.

Yeah, no,

I feel like I have like, one of them is like my philosophical one who like, he shows me all the things that I believed about society that probably aren't true, you know, that they're just like, all my inherited like beliefs, like, so he's my reflector of that. And then I have another one who like literally shows up in the world is like the opposite of me. So she shows me that. And then I have one who's a mini me who like, is sort of showing me how I was. And so it's funny, like, they all come with these, these pieces. And one of my girls, I have a boy and two girls, one of my girls just had a really, really hard time last year, like really hard. And so it I just, I really had to stop everything in order to help her be able to really function and, and want to be here, you know, living on the planet as a whole person. And, you know, I remember making this choice like, okay, we're just going to do this. And you know, at the time, people were saying, you know, check her in somewhere, like, find all the right people to talk to her. And she wanted nothing to do with all this. I, frankly, wanted nothing to do with that. And I was like, Well, what happens? What would happen if I really became the person who could be there for her, which was what she was asking for, she was asking for me to be there. And I had all sorts of like, limits in my knowledge, I thought she was going through and just you know, she was going through something that I hadn't necessarily been nurtured in when I was a child. And so all these things around my own relationship with my mother were coming up, like, I mean, it was just all you know, it was all the things. And so I knew that in order for her to truly, like, transform through this experience and get to the other side, I had to do my next level of work, whatever that meant. I had no idea what it meant at the time. But like, I knew there was something. So I basically like teamed myself, like I teamed us up, but I keep myself up to, you know, like, I really got us all the support that we needed, and was just open to doing whatever it took to, you know, go through all the things I remember this one time, I realized that like, I definitely wasn't going to check her in anywhere. But I knew that I couldn't do what I needed to do at home with the like, I could see how it was affecting the other kids, right. And so I took her away for this like four day period, and somebody had a house, they lent us and it just changed a lot really quickly. It really helped. So we got home, and she didn't like being home. And I didn't like being home. And so we went to my parents for like, over a month. And I was like, we're just going to take this time and we're just going to we're going to I'm just going to put it all in and we're just going to see if we can turn this around. And, you know, meet like her falling apart in front of my parents was like literally one of the hardest things like because like, you know, I had always like, tried to have my kids together when they were little. And I couldn't control that in their house. So it was like all of a sudden, like, here I am like, Judge me bring it all on, like do all this, it really brought up all this stuff. And it was just but it was the most healing. We both became such better people through this process. And I don't know, it's just it was just amazing. And the other thing I will say about it is it It took time, obviously, right. So I'm lucky that I'm entrepreneur, entrepreneur, and I could work from my parents and I didn't like I didn't do a ton of like business building, but I kept my podcasts going. I kept all my clients. And then I really focused on her like an every other moment. And it was just an amazing, amazing process.

Wow. That is really fantastic. And

it was amazing and hard. I have to say that like because I mean every day was very hard.

Yes, it is. And I'm glad you said that because it is hard. It's really really hard. But it's also there's so many pieces of what you just said that I was like, yes. So very important. But hard and I think it is really hard to or really important to say it was hard, and that's okay that it was hard. Yeah, hard isn't bad. Hard is just hard. Right? And and I think that sometimes that's scary because one hard times

Heart? Well, so I was gonna say is sometimes hard was just like, My job today is to show up like fully loving this human. And actually, I'm kind of pissed off that this is happening and that I'm not home with my other two kids and my husband, you know, like, and so hard was really dealing with that within me which had nothing to do with her right, like Karachi was just going through what she was going through. And so that's what was really interesting is hard, very rarely had anything to do with her, I made her own version of hard was going through her system. But if I really looked at my experience, it was all about what I was making, I mean,

right, right. And I think you know, another piece of that, at least I found and in our experience and still find from time to time is when it's you feel like you just don't know the answer. You You know, hard can be I just am not quite sure what the next move needs to be. Right? How do I best support this kid in this moment? Right? What did they need from me? And then, you know, the other side of that heart is right, taking that breath and pulling yourself together and doing it.

Yeah, and it's funny you say that, because I found that, like, I tell people sometimes that like that eight month period, or I think it was like eight months, felt like 10 years. But anyway, it was only like eight months. During that period. Like, I feel like I was present more percentage of every day than I had ever been in my whole life. You know, like, I feel like, I probably lived in the present way more. And that was really the practice because the second I could like really be in the moment. And really be grounded. I knew exactly what to do next. But the second I got all dramatic. I was like, wait, I have no idea what I'm doing. Like, this is never gonna work, right. But the second I get present, it's like, oh, she needs to dance. Like, oh, you know, she needs a hug, you know, and you could just see, oh, she needs space. You know, and I and it was just like, I kept getting those answers over and over again. And that the practice was really like, Okay, we're here. We're now what's next.

Right? Exactly, exactly. Well, I know, I know. That is that is really, really hard. But I I think that we often go through these things for a reason. Right? Yeah. And it sounds like you are, you are not only did you learn and grow and your daughter learned and grow, grow, which I'm so happy that she is doing well, now. You're using it to to work with other people and to help other people. So can you talk a little bit about how your work has shifted a little bit? Because of this experience?

Yeah, I mean, I feel like the presence piece was huge. I mean, I just became, I think it ups my listening skills and my, you know, present skills more than ever. I also got myself really supported in the way that I would like to support. So I almost had a model for, for, you know, how I show up in coach, which was quite fantastic. I've never been like, I've never felt so supported as during that time, which was such a beautiful experience. So it just made me want to give that back as much as possible. Right. I think those are sort of the major, major ways,

some major ones. That's so can, is there anything that you would like to share that you'd really like my audience to know?

Yeah, I mean, I think it's, I think, just in that, you know, a lot of times, when people look what I'm saying or doing or whatever, it's, it's, you know, I just don't have time for that, you know, I can't, I don't have that I have a full time job. Like, I don't have time to do this, like, whatever it is, or my kid isn't as cooperative or, you know, whatever. And that may be true. You know, and I think we just have more. We have more control than we think like we've especially as women, you know, we've been so conditioned to give away control of arts and especially of our time, right? So it's like, and we've been told we have to choose all these times, right? So we have to choose between work and motherhood. We have to choose between our health and motherhood, you know, it's just like always, like, it's always choosing like, why would we show up as good mothers when like pretty much there's some sort of sacrifice, and I really believe we can have all of them If we have a plan, like we just, it just takes some thinking, and some understanding of what really matters to you or to us, you know, like, what really matters as a person to us, which is different for everybody, right. And just, and just knowing that can be, you know, enough of them, like, and really help us, you know, see what we need to be incorporating into our life just deciding. And then, and then we have to find time for it. So a lot of times I say that, you know, planning is just deciding in advance, or it's, I also like to think of it as like, you know, the thing about planning is we can plan from like, really clean, good energy. So I'm not going to plan when I'm, like, all freaked out about something or I'm having a bad day, we're having a bad day, and I'm supposed to be planning something like I'll go on a walk, and I'll come back refreshed, and then I can plan. So in general, when we're planning, our mind is really open, or it should be right. And we can control that more because we're doing and so I like to think of it as like, we're in the present moment, thinking about what our future self really wants. So it's like some level connecting to our future self. And then when we get to that moment, it's simply a gift from our past self, to the to that person in that moment, like we've, we've we're giving them a gift that we've already decided. And now we have to show up, like now we can fully show up. So one of the things I think we do in this whole world that we live in, is that we we get total decision fatigue, we're very busy. And so we can't, it's really hard to be in the moment, and be really present with a kid or, you know, beat like, there's so much opportunity in that time we like drive them places, or we're sitting at the table or, you know, even just the energy of co working like I'm on my computer, they're doing their homework, like, there's so much in that if we're not like also on the phone, and like, you know, all doing all these things. And I think if with a plan, we can really, we can really clean that up so that we can just be in the moment and process any emotion we need to instead of, you know, numbing on the busyness.

Right. Well, and I think that's a very key point right there. You had said that earlier. And I was like, that is something that is we all it's a very easy thing to do the right thing to do. And it's easy to, to just let yourself kind of spend in that place of there's just so much right, yeah. But or

even, like respond to a situation with more busy because it's easier than just sitting with it there with your kid.

Always be oh my goodness, it is but I think we've all probably had a little taste of what it's like to be present set with when it comes to our children. And then when it just comes to just planning in general. And I think about when I have. I'm a planner, so I always feel more calm and more grounded, and more. And when I don't it that sends me that's what sends me spinning. Right. So it's, it is an interesting.

Yeah. God, Mr. More planning in sort of our world, we're thinking about, like, all the things. So right, you have your work, you have the food that's going to support how you show up to like your work and your family and all that you have your family you have your home. We also have what we call home, which is like self care, downtime, quiet like that present time, like, we need to make space for all of it. Because otherwise we just is it's so much easier to stay busy. So if we fill it all, we'll just end up doing things instead of, you know, really being conscious about, okay, great, we need to do this, but then we need to like be for a minute and like let it sink in and just have this rhythm of like, you know, out in out in and really, you know, create the life that that we want that's for most of us isn't always busy. Right? We're really clear about you know, if we're coming from the inside instead of all the output, we're getting input we're getting from the outside world,

right? Right, all the external coming at us all the time,

all the time.

So it is it is helpful to be you know, once you're kind of mindful of that, then you're then you become you just become more and more aware of it right. So then it just becomes easier to be able to say I need about 30 minutes. Yeah, I just need to breathe or I just need to whatever it is that kind of fills you back up. Right. So

yeah, one of the things I feel super grateful for about that experience with my team is actually that it happened during the pandemic, because, like it was, you know, like there wasn't as much busy during that time. And so yes, it caused a lot of pain, I think for a lot of our kids. And if that was going to come out anyway, at some point, I almost feel like it was a blessing that it happened in that moment.

That time. Absolutely. Absolutely. I could not agree with you more. As I had a similar experience with with one of my daughters, so I, I remember thinking that that same thing that's so funny, just like, you know, I, this is a little silver lining here. So Oh, my goodness, well, can you let us know? How we can find you. If we want to learn more about you? We'd like to, I know that you have a masterclass and you offer coaching, and you have a podcast. So let's know how we can can find you.

Yeah, so the podcast is, you know, the most frequent situation. And it's called the plan simple podcasts. And you can hear it wherever podcasts are, hopefully, someday, we'll get Heather on it. And we, if you go to plan simple.com, which is our website, there's a free class, that's our practice for planning your days. And it's called from overwhelmed to ease. And so that is available for anybody. And pretty much the only way that I work with people is in this amazing accountability program that we have. It's called Flow 365. And it's just like the planning and the follow through and it's just like a big loving hug, to do all of that in a group instead of have to be by yourself all the time. So it's like everybody comes and goal sets, and then people that we have for co working sessions a day to like, get stuff done, we set our goals every Monday, it's just this beautiful program of, of support.

Wow, that sounds really, really lovely. Oh, my goodness. Okay, well, I will put links for all of those in the show notes and make sure that it's super easy for people to reach out to you and to find you. And I'm just so glad that we connected in this was such a lovely, you just reminder for all of us. Just the importance of of taking a moment, right. So, so thank you so much for being here.

Thank you so much for having me.

Thanks so much for joining me today. My goal is to make this journey a little easier for you. So reach out with questions or topics you'd like to hear me talk about. Check out the show notes for my email and website information. And if you love today's episode, I'd be so appreciative of a review. Until next time.