Breaking Paradigms and Navigating Life with Breath Work with Jennifer Murray

Heather Hester 00:00:05

Welcome back toJust Breathe. I am delighted as always to have you here with me. And today, once again, I get to give you the gift of a really, really in depth, intense conversation that I got to have with a human being who is doing something in the world that is just absolutely so unique, and who is showing up in such an authentic way. And as parents and parents of LGBTQ plus kids. I just in this conversation learned so much from talking with them. And I know that you will too. So I'm really, really excited to introduce to you, Jen Marie, who is the founder of the high vibe healing collective, using their lived experiences as a white bodied, queer, loving mama to breathe new ways of being and belonging. They emphasize inclusivity and conscious co creation of embodied wellness, uplifting LGBTQ plus communities, and inspiring heart aligned leadership for a more justice oriented world. Jen sparks joy filled loving cosmically divine communities with a passion for social justice and accountability. And I know after an introduction like that, you're probably just like, holy cow. Who is this person? Well, here they are, I am so so excited to introduce Jen Murray.

Welcome to Just Breathe: Parenting your LGBTQ Teen, the podcast, transforming the conversation, around loving and raising an LGBTQ child. My name is Heather Hester, and I am so grateful you are here. I want you to take a deep breath. And know that for the time we are together, you are in the safety of the just breathe nets. Whether today's show is an amazing guest, or me sharing stories, resources, strategies or lessons I've learned along our journey. I want you to feel like we're just hanging out at a coffee shop having a cozy chat. Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey, right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone.

Jen, I am so delighted that you are here. I have been looking so forward to this conversation and have so many comments. So many questions. We've been chatting before we push record and oh my goodness, I'm just thrilled for you all to listen to this conversation. Because Jen is so cool and has absolutely like the most amazing background. And what you do now is so unique. I can't imagine that there's anybody else that does this. I mean, it is so specific and so interesting. So I would love love, love actually start kind of start at the beginning and what you what you did, how you got where you are now.

Thanks, brother. I'm so honored to be here. And it's just yeah, truly a pleasure to be in connection with someone who is creating presence for LGBTQ plus communities and also really elevating and supporting people in parenting and very intentional ways. And so I I just highly value what you are doing as a breath worker and somebody who is just immediately enamored and enthralled with the very title of this podcast, just breathe. I really believe that it is the breath and the time that we take our first breath when we enter this world that really sets us up for what we're going to breathe into the purpose of our lives until we take our final breath and depart from this earthly plane and the earthly vessels that we're embodying and so I am January and I am using the pronouns they them theirs and I am someone who has entered into this work through lifelong learning adventure so I am someone who was in The sphere and place of education for the majority of my prior life career and I took the leap in 2021, to come out of a 21 year career and really adventure into this dance and delight with entrepreneurial life as a as a coach and a consultant. And someone who is really helping people to connect to their heart, breathe, belonging and abide elementally, to the way in which they can be more conscious and present in the in the way in which they are breathing new possibilities and new ways of being in this world. And so, yeah, it's a real honor to be here and to be working with ambitious leaders, parents, and people who are heart aligned and energetically interested in elevating towards dignity and humanity. So I'm excited for our conversation.

I love that I am till I am too. So you spent 1717 years right? That's what he said, and the de IB space and working and the university spaces and corporate spaces, organizational spaces? And what about doing that type of work? What did you love about that type of work? And what did you kind of ultimately decide this is such important work that I want to take everything that I've learned here and move it into this next space?

Yeah, so when I conceived of the High Vibe Healing Collective, which is what I am the founder of, and I use CEO very intentionally, I like to say that I'm centered, meaning I'm grounded and rooted in knowing where it come from. And in that I, I give a nod to chi Chang Tom, who's one of my mentors and teachers in the somatic attachment, therapy certification that I went through. And she offers us to think about acknowledging the places and spaces where we've been and where we are, and where we're living in occupying to be in a connection to like, under unpacking and on learning and relearning. What it is that that space in place means. And so what I know that you had mentioned to me the power of some of how I've shown up in communities that we've been able to share space and, and I talked about really committing to creating expansion and hard alignment, and energetic amplification of what I would say are regenerative, sustainable resource creation and co creation very deliberately with communities and that I do that as a as connecting in from the unceded territory in the stolen traditional lands of the Potawatomi. Whoa, chunk, Menominee. And the homelands along the southwest shores of metagaming, which is North America's largest system of freshwater lakes, and it's where Milwaukee Menominee and connect Nick rivers meet and people of Wisconsin Saverne ash, Nabil hood, Chung Menominee, oh, NIDA mov conditions remain present and the electric FINITY Institute at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee created that beautiful land acknowledgement. But I think that the power of understanding land, where we are embodied in this world, and then also connecting in to the rhythms of nature, and the cosmos, really is what took me into the journey from being in a place where there was knowledge exchange, and a really, really intentional presence to create community and foster a sense of belonging. And I felt like that was really needed in spaces where we collectively here and we cultivate well being within ourselves, but most importantly, I think, within the loved ones who are surrounding us. And so I think like oftentimes, we need to breathe belonging into ourselves, in order to breathe belonging into the collective. And with that, I would also offer that there's an intentionality to like look at, kind of, when we take our first breath, like, where the planets and the stars are aligned, and understand like how that's really relational, and draw upon indigenous wisdom, ancient futures, ancient technologies to truly look at, like what we've mapped into our own into our own family constellation. And so in the pandemic times as I was home, my loving intimate partner as I'm a queer loving mama and partnered with a beautiful person who is in health care was About out of our house and I was at home with to two children who at the time were four and eight. And I was, you know, flying solo and, and holding down three different three different roles and responsibilities within the workplace that I was in. And I was realizing that, like I was losing touch with my parent team, and I was really fearing for how I was failing my children, because I couldn't even really show up for myself. And so I don't really deep into understanding my own natal chart and my own birth chart and the constellations and the planets. And then I started to look at my relationship with my children, and how I could show up as a better parent, looking at our birth charts and breathing with one another, whether it was an appreciation practice, or in a, you know, meditation mindfulness moment. And so, anyhow, I offer those pieces to sort of say to you that like, I think that I've had this beautiful journey that's been long and winding, but it's always been something that's held an element of queerness, and one that's like not conforming to mainstream society, but really, truly embracing what it means to be what it means to be showing up from our heart fully expressed. Right?

Well, and I think, and I'm, I'm kind of an awe as I'm listening to, you say all of this, because you really have, even though I know, there's been a ton of deep work in all of these pieces, you have stayed connected to yourself, to you, and in all of that, and then have just kind of, like, re looked at it right and gone deeper and then got right. And I think that is so there's such power in that, especially, especially when we are parenting. And and because it's difficult to do. It's difficult to do anytime, but especially when you're parenting. And so I am really just, I love that. You did that. And you took the time. So I'm curious, because there are so many different paths that you could have taken. And, and I find it fascinating that one was the somatic teachings, you know, learning the somatic, working with the somatic teacher, and then another was the working with astrology. And, I mean, those are two very different things. I mean, they are interconnected, but they are different things. And then I mean, there are like a million other choices that you could have made. So what about those two ways of being in the world and understanding who you intrinsically are? What was the attraction?

Yeah, so I am an earth sign in my in my star sign of the sun, and I am a double air. And so I actually chose breathwork and Cymatics to be really integrated. But I'm also someone who has been a nationally board certified massage therapist for 20 plus years, and, um, and also have been engaged in kind of these healing practices that really look at like, what I would call holistic or collective holism, like looking at the wholeness and the health and the well being, of being a person. So I always want people to be able to show up as their full selves, or their whole selves. And that doesn't always happen in workplace environments. And so I think that, because of my deep interest in sort of elemental ways of being and understanding, for example, with my child who has a beautiful, fiery moon and my air, Moon, you know, we dance together in a really magical way. And the collective skies hold that for us on some days where we can actually like, have the embers be burning in a sustainable and lovely way. And then there are other days where perhaps maybe my communication shows up as glowing on the fire and making it lately slightly explosive. And so I bring that forward to sort of say that I think that like, those are all experiences that like are maybe out in the world, but they are mirrored within ourselves and in the body too. And so that inner nature wisdom, for me, the breath is the vehicle and the modality that is both conscious and unconscious. It's the only system in our body that we that we operate both consciously and unconsciously. And so for me, it's like breathing between kind of this light A space in place that I lived in for many, many moons, which was the the places of education, and where the mind is highly stimulated. And we're talking about like the mental body operating pretty rapidly and feared furiously. And then I think that like being in a place where the breath was connecting me back into my body with the heart, and really understanding, like, where is it that my heart gets to align, to show up as the best parent I can possibly be as the greatest leader I get, that I can embody and also really, consciously show up as someone who's a revolutionary and evolutionary and a visionary in the work that I do, because I want us to be breathing new ways of being and belonging in our world.

I love that. I love that. And I, as I'm listening to you say this and thinking

there are so many people who don't don't understand that. Yeah.

And I'm thinking that as a person who, you know, has gone through extraordinary changes, and evolution. And you know, when I go back, and I oftentimes will kind of do that, like, check in like, this is when I'm feeling let's say, I'm just having a day. And then I like do a check in I'm like, Okay, no, this is how far you've come right? Like this is. And so kind of when I go back into that mental space that I perhaps occupied, or that person that I was, let's say, 10 years ago, had you said all of these things to me, then I would have been like what on earth like, I would have been incredibly intrigued, but I would have had no idea what you were talking about. And so I love that. It is something that this is why I think it's so important to talk about and to teach. Because these are, these are such simple. You know, the breath, for instance, like, that's just bring it there, because that is something that so we both talk about, and it is like the easiest go to write, when you're you can do it anywhere, you need to ground you need to calm, you need to give yourself a moment, everyone can do that, right, everyone can connect to that, that piece. And then that leads to like going deeper and connecting with these other and I think it's just one of those, I think, initially, depending on kind of what your prior background or your prior programming was maybe a little more difficult to tap into. But once you allow your brain to do that, oh my goodness, I mean, just listening to you talk about how it makes perfect sense that this is why you would do this, right, because you have the knowledge of your birth sign. So I mean, it just makes so much sense. And it is kind of going back to the other. I know I'm talking in circles, my My apologies, but I'm like putting this all together as we're talking. The ancient wisdom that we, we all, you know, we had now have the opportunity, we've always had the opportunity, but now we really have the, the technology, and therefore the opportunity to, to learn and to understand and to really be like oh my gosh, like I have all of this available to me. And this is really exciting. This is so exciting. And so

I would love to take a moment

we did something before I'm just gonna share a little bit about this, I came into this conversation with Jen, and told them about an interview, um, discussion that I had that really kind of threw me off. And we spent the first you know, 20 minutes talking about this, and ultimately got me into the space of breathing and connecting and really understanding and it was this it was so lovely. And I think that for me, that was like such a beautiful illustration of just a a window of the work that you do. I got a little a little glimpse a little practice of it.

But for someone that would want to come in wants to work with you and says, This just feels right. Because I think it's a lot of times we just are guided by like this feels right I'm not sure I don't I don't have the vocabulary, or I don't know how to articulate this but it feels good. So I'm going to come talk to this person, right? I'm drawn to them. So if somebody came to you and just said that, like, what would you? How would you respond? And what would you suggest? And what would you do?

Great question. So in a lot of my one on one client work, I'm working with people in what I would consider to be an astrologically, energetic coach. And what I'm doing is I'm helping people to realign themselves to their energetic unconditional presence, because I believe that we're in a world where we're frequently distracted, oftentimes disconnected, and we frankly, don't feel and we don't even know what it is that we want, or what we desire, because we're being fed in so many different directions, whether it's through social media, or in our past narratives, or rehearsing and, and revisiting drama, or trauma that we've experienced in life. And we aren't ever really able to, like find that simple connection to our breath. And that care. And that point of what I would say is self sustenance, practice. So like a way for us to actually sustain ourselves and our well being, particularly as parents, or leaders, in our teams, when we are working with people. And we're in a place where we're continuously relational, we need to be able to, like, have that opportunity to slow down and really find the possibilities and being present. And that to me, is brought to us through the breath. And the breath is that language of consciousness, and that connection between our heart and our mind, that's helping us to, like find the bodily wisdom. And, and what the way I like to talk about it is our inner nature wisdom, so that when we're exploring, we're accessing that inner nature, wisdom, the breath is our own medicine, there is nobody else. And many of my breathwork teachers will say breath is medicine, and breath is our own medicine. It's the only medicine that we have for ourselves, and no one can take it away from us. And there's no, like, there's no wrong way to breathe. I like to say to people that like you have full agency. And so when someone comes to me, and they're in a state, much like we expect you experienced with me today, it's an opportunity to just like slow down and feel into our body where it is that the breath needs to be sent. Because we can then move from the unconscious operating system of the breath, automatically happening without our thought, and take that opportunity to shift it into the conscious, connected breath. And so when I work with my one on one clients, I frequently have them involved or engaged with me for a series of at least three sessions based upon what they're looking for, but I work to have them breathe with me. And if they don't have the access in the capital in the time to be able to breathe with me, individually, then I invite them into a community container where we breathe, and it's all a virtual offering an opportunity. And so they're typically breathing into their own elements of being and getting connected to what does it look like for me to be, especially in a world where we're constantly bombarded with doing like I have to do, it's to do list after to do list, it's checking things off, I have everybody asking me to do something, especially when we're parents, you know, our children are reliant upon us for doing things. And so that idea of inviting somebody in to be more connected to their being state, and a more aligned with what it means for them to be present, first to themselves, so that then they can show up more present to their parenting and then I typically will offer to read their natal chart after we've done some breath work together because I say to them that it's really important for them to understand where they can read more intentionally and consciously following the collective skies and also honoring the kind of the planetary and star purpose this was what was planted in them when they entered this world. And so I think that the beauty in my opinion of kind of this process is that like once they have had their own natal chart reading, with their, with their child's permission or with their desire to like see and learn more about how they might show up better as a parent, or how they might be able to better relate to their child. I think a lot of times we lose lose what it is our children are here just to share it with us. And they in being like that they're all little teachers, you know, I think that like, each child comes into our life really in a way that we're like they've chosen to be with us. One of the astrologers that I followed has said, you know, it's they come down the Rainbow Bridge, and they, you know, choose to like be in our families. And I think that like, it's really a concept that's within LGBTQ plus communities. And it's this notion of chosen family. It's this place of like, when we look at our astrology, and we look at our breath, we're actually choosing to consciously be here, and be present, to living in a way that's most heart expressed and most authentic. And so I think that that's those are the ways in which I have people offering or working with me from one on one possibilities to group offerings. And, yeah, it can find me through the high vibe healing collective. And so it's high vibe, healing. collective.com is my company,

I will definitely share all of that information. So it'll be very easy for you all to just click, click right through it, and find, John, I am. I do want to talk a little bit more, though about just this idea of being present and being aware. Because I think that that awareness piece is huge. And it's something that again, I think, because of all the reasons that you mentioned, so much of our time, could could easily be spent an autopilot, and kind of a frenetic autopilot, right. And so, what a gift is this idea of becoming aware, and then being. And I love that you brought that up. And you said it several times. And I was sitting here, like, kind of stunned, because I was just doing some writing earlier today. And I was writing the difference, you know, talking about the difference between doing and being. Like, yes, that is exactly, yes. But making, I mean, this is, this is work that you're talking about. And it's conscious work, which can be difficult to do. So I do kind of want to talk about that a little bit. Not that I want to say, oh, my gosh, this is gonna be so hard. But I think oftentimes people get discouraged because it is, it can be difficult, or it can it's not something that just automatically happens, like, I decide I'm going to be present and I'm present. So what are some of the ways that you encourage the people that you work with to kind of either is it to create some kind of routine is it to, you know, how to kind of work through that to create to build that muscle, the awareness muscle and the being present muscle?

Yeah, so I would say that like, again, I, I returned to the breath, because for me, the breath is something that it can be a daily hygiene practice, where you're just having a, you know, books over oftentimes familiar with things like the box breath, where you're counting to the you know, and you're doing a count of four and then holding for a count of four, and then you're letting go for a count of four and holding out for a count of four. And there are different tools and techniques that might be a little bit more prescribed. But I think that when we sit and listen to our own breath, our breath oftentimes guides us into our own understanding of what it means to be present, and how we can actually ground into presence. And realize realized, as I shared earlier, I started to talk to you about being centered, grounded and rooted. And that's the first letter of CEO but I never finished the final two. I think they're really important. So wow, I interrupted myself that's pretty funny. So there's a bit there's like a moment of like, not being as present as I maybe want it to be. But the E for me is energetic and it's really about being an energetic exchanges. And everything that we do is energy in motion. And everything that we be is also energy and motion. And energy. Emotion is just a short way of saying emotion. So we have a lot of feelings and the way in which we feel to heal is really critical. Coming out of the E with energetic so I'm it's centered and energetic. And then the last part for me is Oh, and I say this as a queer loving mama, who consciously and intentionally brought two humans into the world and because I created my family in such a way where we brought children into the Uh, into the world, and I have I, I am getting to be committed to having a active sense of hope. Because I believe that optimism is the Oh, and I want there to be a possibility in the future. It where people are celebrated and honored and feel a sense of belonging to the world from the minute that they enter it with their very first breath. And I want people to feel that sense of love and compassion, and unconditional love and unconditional presence in their lives, so that they know that they can be all of who they are, without hesitation and without reservation, as someone who took a long time to come out. So I, you know, was in I was in my college years before I came into sharing and naming and claiming who I was. And then I worked for 17 plus years coaching 1000s of young people around being LGBTQ plus identity identified. And in those experiences of being in a place in a space where I lived, like sort of a double life and lived a life where I wasn't fully honest and truthful, it became essential for me to be completely honest, and fully truthful, and totally authentic in my expression. And so I'm going back now, after giving you what the CEO is to just remind people that like, your breath is going to actually help you to understand how it is you can show up as a more loving and compassionate parent, how it is you can be more equitable, and just in your approach to leadership, how it is that you can enter into your communities with more intention, and attention to like energetically exchanging in ways that are life giving and life affirming. And so I just invite people into working with the breath, first and foremost. And then having them dance with whatever element feels most alive in them. So that could be that it's like they want to spark joy. And they really want to ignite something. And I jokingly I've always referred to myself as the joy generator generator spelled je e n. Generator. And I also have said that I'm part of Gen X, which is g and x. So as the as a person who's in, you know, Generation X and a joy generator, I think that you know, like, maybe it's people wanting to spark those flames or reignite a part of them that like, got lost, and be able to be more creative. Or perhaps it's like someone being in the cleansing and purifying waters, and really like feeling to heal those emotions that maybe got trapped in their body and didn't get a chance to actually get seen. And, you know, that could be something as simple and as beautiful that I think is very relatable to like, not feeling like I can speak my truth and feeling like something has landed in my heart. And it's paining me, and it's creating the sorrow. And so as I mentioned to before we started the recording, you know, one of one of my teachers in the somatic practice world spoke about, really, tears are just the oceans. And they are just our connection and reconnection to being with the oceans and the waters that we were created in. So we're oftentimes entering the world by being in you know, a nine month time period in waters. And in those waters, we like rebirth ourselves, every time, we allow ourselves to freely flow with our energy of the water element and our tears and our sadness. And our tears can be tears of joy. And so like maybe it's the water element that is drawing someone, or it could be the air element. And that's, you know, processing through words and or through the very breath that we've been speaking of. And finally, I would say that sometimes it's the earth element. And that's just connecting to like gardening or growing something or doing something that is like, of this earth and feels like you're connected into the embodiment that you are. And so it could be something as simple as feeling your toes on the ground and doing some grounding earthing practice, but I think it's finding what is it that is the elemental, and astrological aligned heart practice that will really keep you in a state of being present to your own possibilities. Right.

Right and having that tool to Go back to, right when you start to feel all the things that you start to feel right that read when you are floaty or spinny, or whatever word that you want to use, it's not really a word. And, and so the thing that can bring you back there, what brings you back there, and, and I, you know, like you I agree the breath has always involved there, it was very intentional that I named this podcast just breathe, because that is the one thing we can all do. Right? And, and then you know, then we go from there. And,

and if I may, if I may offer Heather, I want to share one quick piece because I like the just the just breathe is so critical. And sometimes it's just, it's just reminding ourselves that we can like the things that we feel like we don't can't control breath is one of them, that we can control and won't harm anyone else. And the only way that you do breathe wrong is if you stop breathing, because that means that you will no longer be living. So like that's the only time in which I would say that, like, you know, where when we feel like things, like you said, are maybe spiraling or feeling like they're not within a space and a place where we're rooted and grounded and centered in where we need to be. I think that the breath helps us to just remember that we are both conscious and unconscious in a lot of the ways in which we operate, whether it's as a parent, or as a sibling, or as a leader of a company, or someone who's you know, facilitating a team, all of us are able to access or innovative and creative potential through the breath. And so that's where I think of like, the practice that I use is actually conscious, connected breathing. And it's a breath practice, that's actually no pause at the top and no pause at the bottom. And it's really critical, in particular for me as an LGBTQ plus person to think about that unification and no longer living a double life. And what does it feel like to have that integration, even if it's only within myself, because I'm not in a place where I feel safe enough, or where I feel like I can be where I trust people to honor and affirm me for being all of who I am. And so I think it's really important that like the breath, be the gift that can be happening in the quiet stillness and the silence, and then the spaces where it's completely and totally serene and peaceful. And also in like the mass chaos, or in the moments where it's like, you're feeling overwhelmed and anxious and, you know, burdened by or are suffering in life, it's like the breath is just there as a gentle reminder that it's always with you. And it's always something you can access, and no one else can take that away from you. And it's something that you have full agency over in all of your, all of your ways in which you engage in the world.

Right? Right. And I also, you know, kind of just building on that, because this is something that I find also fascinating in that our breath is the way that we are breathing can give so much information. So thinking about the times when you said you know, if you're not breathing well, a lot of times I have learned that if I am, there's a particular topic that if I'm talking about it, or if I'm kind of working through it, I stopped breathing. I like and you know, the person that I'm my therapist will be like, You need to start breathing again, like she's watching me and she's like, you haven't taken a breath for like a minute and a half you need to breathe. And I don't even realize it at the time, right? Because that is how I'm working. Or, you know, you think about the times that you're breathing really fast, because you're you know, anxious about something right? Like the breath gives so much information that then we can take that information and and use that to kind of reverse whatever is going on. And it's just such a cool, it's just such a beautiful thing that our body does for us. That is available to us.

So absolutely, absolutely. And and I would say to that it's like the possibility possibilities are endless within your own breath. And there's an infinite number of ways in which you can breathe, and it might be holding, but it's also just observing and noticing like when I'm holding Am I holding so that I actually listen more deeply to like my own intuition or my own bodily wisdom? Or am I holding because I'm in a pattern of fear or something that is like activate it'd have a past sense or way of being, or am I projecting into a future way, as opposed to truly being in that moment, and that's where it goes back to the presence piece, where it's the breath keeps us here in this moment, right? It doesn't allow for us to be in a future state, or in a past drama, right. And instead, what it does is it like, honors our being here and now with whatever is arising. And I think that that's like the practice of mindfulness. It's the practice of breath. And it's the wisdom that like, is, I think, across across many ancient traditions and cultures. And I think it's a tool that our ancestors use, in their way of being able to understand how it is that we can engage more fully and more completely in the world. And in ways that like, actually do innovate and create possibilities that are beyond our wildest imaginations.

100% Oh, my goodness, I mean, just, it is it's endless, the possibilities are endless when you stop. And that is the other, you know, it's the gift of that pause. Being connected to your breath, allows you to pause that allows that moment, and are those moments so powerful, and so easy and accessible. It is truly one of the greatest gifts we can give, give ourselves.

Yeah, and I and you know, I know, your audience will appreciate just knowing that, like, I think the beauty of the work that they're all engaged in right now is they are breathing new possibilities for future generations, by being present, to listening in to some of the, like, amazing revolutionaries and revolutionaries who you've brought through to talk not only philosophy and or about the breath, or about gender, but I think that there's a lot to be said about, what does it look like to support a young person in their evolution, and in their development, in a way that like, sees them for who they are in this moment, no need to like, go back to who they were yesterday, or who they might become tomorrow, but rather really show up for them just right now, with a fierce and unconditional love that's revolutionarily oriented in a way of like, honoring their heart, because I think when people get seen in who they are in that moment, and honored and affirmed and being that expressed expression, I fully, like, believe that people have an opportunity to just impact and give in and contribute to the world in ways that are just limitless. And, and they because they get an opportunity. And I and I say that, you know, as someone who had loving parents who supported me and being me, and you know, they even we like to joke. My my wife and I both have, and we call each other loving, intimate partners, but my loving, intimate partner and I both have, you know, heterosexually partnered siblings. And, you know, we were the first of our family to actually procreate and like, bring grandchildren into our parents lives. And I think that like it's a really important, like message, because I think a lot of times there's fear around what will this mean for my child being able to like, have children or for them to be able to like, gain some of the experiences that we have had as parents. And I think it's really so important, as someone who, like people would say, like, it would have been maybe more difficult or more challenging for us to have a family, but like we created a family very intentionally, very consciously, because we believe that there is a greater possibility for what the future holds, as we become more connected to the rhythms of nature and like aligned with the way in which our planet needs us to care for it, as well as as we become more have been to fostering a sense of belonging and truly helping people to live and live in and out of their heart with unconditional love and a presence that I think is only only really available by breathing, like through what seems like, Oh, this is never gonna happen. I mean, because it's like there could be a crisis after a crisis after a drama after a trauma. And all of those are very real. And they get to be experienced fully and completely. And when we're ready, we take another breath. And we remember that we can bring in something that's fresh in a new perspective. And we can let go of what stagnant and old and no longer serving us. And so those are the things that I think your community will appreciate hearing from me as someone who's a queer loving mama, and connected to elevating parents and being more intentional, and more purposeful in their parenting, especially for those of us who have a fear of messing up. So I mean, I will say that my children are the greatest reminders in my life that I, I cursed a lot, at first, a lot of pandemic times, as I wouldn't even remotely from home. And so I'm working to like change things like banana split has become my new curse word. And I just say like banana split, if something seems like sort of, you know, wild and not of this earthly endeavor. So anyhow, I mentioned that to say that I typically would, I would throw an F bomb into, like, you know, but I know that since we're listening with parents, and we don't know the age of the children, I'll just not I won't put any explicit motives in there. But I do think that like as a parent, who was on a journey, and really feared messing up and really feared for how I was showing up with my kids, especially in the times where my loving, intimate partner was a way in health care. And I was the solo parent home. And I felt very torn about the way in which I like resorted to anger or resorted to, like, yelling and things that like I just never imagined myself engaging in as a parent. But it was like coming almost like a natural habit. And I disrupted it by really starting to understand my children's charts, and how they needed to be emotionally nurtured, and how they will and to, like, receive feedback and how they needed to be listened to. And it wasn't always natural for me, but it became a practice and it was a practice of presence. And it just brings me back to like, how important the breath was in those practice moments. Because I certainly had my fair share of, of messing up. Amidst all of that,

yes, well, I may think that is such an important thing to share, because we all mess up. And I think that we don't talk about messing up enough. We don't talk about just being human. And, and the importance of being human in front of our children, because that is, as equally important to model being a human being as it is to model you know, the behaviors that you'd like for them to, to pick up on, right, like, whatever that is that your whatever your your family's values are, that you're teaching, it's also important for them to see you, you know, drop an F bomb, or right, I mean, I will tell you to speak and giggle because I did not swear in front of my kids, probably until the laughing and like we switched places. And probably it was before that actually, probably when all of this stuff started happening. You know, with counter counters, counters coming out was like the great shift for all of us. But you know, we giggle now, like even my coffee cup this morning had a swear word on it. And my 15 year old was like, Mom, that is not modeling good behavior. But I mean, we laugh, right. He's 15. And I'm would be delusional to think that that is not a word that he was using with his buddies on the Xbox. So I think it's one of those lovely, the fact that we can talk about it, and talk about when it's maybe appropriate and not appropriate, right? And have those like very real conversations. To me, that's like the gift of this, right. So we get to be human. And we get to be like, Yeah, we, as parents totally screw up like, every single day. That is part of this human experience. And we can talk about it and we can apologize if our screwing up has affected you in a negative way. Which is one of my favorite things to do now is to you know, I'm really sorry that I yelled at you for no reason or had, you know, I did not have the patience that I wish I would have had in that moment. I had this right. And learning to do the correct accurate, this is what and I'm you will love this, my husband for years, his apology would always be I'm sorry f which gives me a little twitch. And I, for the longest time didn't understand why it bothered me. And then I learned the language, right and now he understands. So it's like a joke, but it is that like catching those little tiny things right and teaching those little tiny things like your language matters. The words you use matter, being attuned to another's, not just what they're saying to you, but what their body is saying to you what is their body language saying, right? And so all to say, these lovely, lovely gifts, that just being real in our parenting, and and accepting that we are going to mess up. Yes,

I appreciate that so much. You know, I have done a lot of diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging work as we referenced earlier, and, and you know, a lot of white accountability. So as a white, a white woman, and white bodied woman, I would say that, like, there's a lot to be said about the way in which I have deeply been honored by the gift of feedback from communities that I've been connected to when it comes to understanding the unlearning of white supremacy, culture and the tenets of white supremacy culture. And those are oftentimes needing to get it right, wanting to look good, perfectionism. And there are many more, and it's a ton of time on coons work, which is, I can, I can have you be able to like link that in the show notes. But I think that that work is so critical. When we're talking about the intersectionality, and the necessity of understanding that we are not monolithic or single human beings, we are actually we hold multiple identities. And we need that those identities to be able to live in a way that is integrated, and also honored and affirmed. And my favorite thing from my loving, intimate partner and spouse at early on in our relationship, they think that there was a desire to tattoo h&m on my arm. And I said, Tell me more about this. And of course, thank goodness, we didn't go that route because h&m became a clothing brand store. But I would say that like that having the idea of h&m tattooed was really to stand for being human and being messy. And remembering that like being human is messy. And it's also critical that like we not get caught up in needing to get it right, or needing to be perfect or needing to like show up in ways that are urgent. Except I think that there is a releasing like kind of the urgency, there is a remembering to slow down enough to access some of the ancient ancestral and embodied wisdom that all of us hold and and utilize the breath to get there. And so I circled back to just say that I think that is so critical that we figure out what language is that we use. And it's easy to get lost in language and words, my double air loves words, as you may have already observed in this in this beautiful conversation. And I think that there's a real necessity to like, stay simple, in the way in which we really seek to honor and affirm people and being who they are in any given moment. And without expectation or judgment, or anticipation of who they might be becoming. Because you just want to hold space for there to be a possibility that whoever the person is that you're most loved and connected to who is LGBTQ plus identified is finding their way. And there is no necessity to hold them in any one identity that they share with you at any given moment in time. Because it's ultimately, it's an evolution and identity development is an unfolding process. And so making sure that we find the space grace and place of presence to be able to honor people being who they are, whether it's in your home and in your family or in your community and in your workplace. And It's so critical that that you find ways to be able to show up human and messy and be able to receive the gift of feedback, getting uncomfortable and sitting in the discomfort. And really, truly being in a space of speaking your truth as it as it arises in you. So that your people from the heart

you are hitting, like all of my favorite things. I'm literally sitting here like, yes, that to that is one of my favorite sayings that I've said from the beginning is embrace the bigness, the beauty and the messiness. Because it's just it is, and it is right. And the loving for who they are right now, in this moment in time. And that was a lesson that we learned, you know, through difficulties and that at one point, because I think it is natural for parents to want to fix, because, to your point, we don't like to be uncomfortable, right? So it's uncomfortable, when our child is hurting, or, you know, there's, there's some kind of struggle going on. And so we want to fix that because it doesn't feel good. And, and ultimately, in fixing, we tend to let go future right with the fix, while whatever this fixes some, at some point in the future. And I remember Connor, I mean, very, very clearly saying to us, thankfully, pretty early on, when you talk about that, when you try to fix it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. It, you know, and he said a lot more. But it was that was the idea. You know, he it was just adding to the layers of self loathing that he was going through at the time, and just all the light we were just piling on we had no idea, right? We, we thought we were being helpful. In fact, we were not what he needed to hear was, we love you for who you are right this moment. Right now we see you, we hear you, we love you. That's all they need.

Yes, that's so simple. And yet sometimes so difficult. Like, you know, you're breaking a pattern of socialization, it's because a lot of times, you know, I like to say this, you know, in my work as a visionary, collective Healer, with diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging. And in what I do as like kind of a well being executive, astrological coach, like and consultant, I definitely see that like, we need to acknowledge that we are truthfully like, engaged in a, like, in what I would say is like a collective in like a collective illness like so I feel like we need we need collective healing, we have to engage in collective healing, because collective illness and that collective illness is that we can farm to creating a sense of lack and worthiness, like so we have an unworthiness, right? So we have like this, we have this like conformity where it's like a status quo way of operating a way where we just stay with what is comfortable and familiar. And if anyone throws us like a curveball from left field, I'll just use an example of a of a former student of mine, they would say to me, like, Jen, when I wear this bracelet, and then they would like describe the bracelet, it would be like I'm wearing like a rose quartz pink bracelet, I need you to call me, Jacqueline. But when I'm wearing this, like bow tie, I want you to call me Jacob. And those are my names. And then I have pronouns that go with each of those names. And I'd like you to be honoring both of them. And it was really one of those pieces where I thought to myself, like they're really walking me lovingly through the way in which they want to be honored in this world and in this in the moments that I cross paths with them, and means it doesn't take much for me to just like retain like, okay, the signifier that they're wearing is the Rose Quartz bracelet. And the bow tie is the signifier for when I'm going to use Jacob and the pronouns that he him his and Jacqueline is going to be she her hers. And in fact the student actually used they them theirs with Jacqueline and they used he him his with Jacob. But that being said, it was in those names aren't the real names, but like that he that I would say is like, you know when we cannot fit up to a standardized societal expectation, the status quo for example, then we have what I would say is an illness of conformity. Like it's an illness about conformity. And we need to have the ability to acknowledge who it is we are in that moment. And be embracing and embodying our inherent wholeness, and our innate worthiness, in the collective at that same point in time. And we need to look at wholeness of mind, wholeness of body, wholeness of heart, wholeness of spirits, wholeness of soul, with different modalities, and finding those modalities is what it is I've done as a collective healer, which is why I weave in the multiplicities of I have practices and tools for people to be able to resource and to find an ability to connect to their own, like, wellspring of wellbeing practices. And that is like for them not, it's not something that's going to go dry, because it's coming from within themselves. And that's why, for me, breathing belonging is the medicine that I've framed for using it in the collective when I'm working with corporate relations, or as a consultant, and I'm helping people to like, get away from their identity get away from their actual, from, from their, like role and the responsibility, and they're the label, they're not living into the labels, but they're actually breathing belonging into themselves, so that they can innovate in to the projects that they're working with on their teams, with a creative sense of their own breath, as accessing their inner wise being, or their expanded sense of self. And those are things to me that like, are necessary, as we create a new world. And we and we invite people in to breathing, new ways of being, and showing up accountable for who we are, and what we've embodied. What what we're aspiring to be, is actually in a revolutionary way, more just more equitable, and more inclusive and intentional. And so those are the like, I think, big pieces, I wanted to make sure that I shared with your community, because I do believe that like the just breathe podcast is a form of medicine for the collective illness, of conformity. And it is a sense of permission slip, to be able to say like, it's okay for you to have the permission to be a little messy in the moments where you're learning or unlearning and relearning. Because I think that is giving yourself that grace, and embracing that mass as like a sort of, you know, tool of grace, to say, Hey, I messed up this time. And I appreciate you giving me the space and time to change. But like when I but I want but I want you to know that I love you fiercely and unconditionally. Irrespective of my errors and my human, you know, my human mistakes. Right? Right. Always every single time. Right? Yes. Yes.

That is such a beautiful way to just to wrap up. And I realized I've just looked at the clock and I have just been so taken and swept by our conversation, and just by you in general. So thank you, thank you for sharing of your wisdom and your heart and your knowledge with me and with my community. And I think that we will definitely have to do a part two at some point because that was just lovely.

Thank you, Heather. It's such a, it's such an honor and I really am appreciating the opportunity for your community to connect more into the ways that they can parent and lead with purpose and potential from their heart. So thank you for bringing me in and connecting me to this LGBTQ plus community. That is it's more than just a singular community. It's LGBTQ plus communities that are so that are the that are the multi passionate, multi potential Light Beings of our of our new world. So thank you.

Thanks so much for joining me today. If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful for a rating or review, click on the link in the show notes or go to my website, chrysalismama.com To stay up to date on my latest resources as well as to learn how you can work with me Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone. And remember to just breathe. Until next time