How to Use the 5 Love Languages to Deepen Your Self Love | Ep.44

This show is about freedom. Freedom from your constant struggle with food and letting the size of your thighs determine your worth. Join me weekly for no whole fat, unfiltered girlfriend kind of conversations that will inspire, teach and empower you. As we tune into our own body's wisdom and tune out of the diet industry lives, we can live our most radiant, pleasurable and fulfilled lives. My name is Chanci Dawn. I'm a non diet nutritionist embodiment and mindset coach. But most importantly, I'm a woman on a mission to grow a deeply connected and conscious relationship with food and my body. And I'm here inviting you to do the same. Let's go.

Hello, beautiful soul. Welcome to today's episode. Today, we're gonna be diving in to more of the topic around self care. So soul care, this is really, really essential when it comes to embodied eating and building that beautiful relationship with your body. Because everyone receives love differently. And there's a lot of messaging out there what self care is, but like, let's use a tool that is already out there for us to kind of get curious, get curious and sort of become more aware of how we can better take care of ourselves. So the thing I'm going to be talking about today is super well known in our culture. It's The Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman, if you haven't heard of it, look it up. It's pretty awesome. So I've used this in my own relationship with my primary partner, and with my children, right, like learning how other people really, really receive love is a great way to be able to show it to them, right like maybe the way that you feel and receive love isn't the way your partner does. So really learning this is a way that you can just kind of up level the lovin for each other. And then for your children to how do they best receive love. I just love this, like my one guy, he loves to be told how awesome he is. Since he was a baby, I just remember he just lights up. So words of affirmation, that is his love language, which also happens to be mine. So it's really easy for me to show him love. Different maybe for you know, other people that don't have the same love language like acts of service means nothing to me, I like it for sure, when people do things for me, but it's not like it doesn't fill my soul bucket. So when that's someone's love language, I actually have a hard time speaking to that. But with intention, you can learn more. And you can kind of get curious again about this and intentionally show someone love with their love language. So if you don't know about what I'm talking about here, look it up. There is the book you can read it. There's also a really good quiz online that if you just type in five love languages quiz, you can go on there and do this quiz, which will really help you learn more about what the ways that you love to show love and the ways that you love to receive love the best. But today, this isn't actually what the book is about at all, but I love putting the spin on it. Because let's get to know ourselves better. We can use this book, we can use this great tool to start to get more curious and really investigate how can I show myself more love? How can I take care of myself to the highest capacity. And I think when you do this quiz and when you really start to uncover this awareness about yourself, it just opens up so many doors that you can walk through in your own self care. So I'm gonna start by just listing out the five different love languages and then we're going to dive into them as far as how you can use that for you. So I'm gonna give some examples but of course this is you and like I said acts of service that's not my thing. So you if that's yours, you need to really start to get curious really start to investigate how can you give yourself acts of service? Okay, so the five love languages are like I already said acts of service, though. So this is like doing something for someone or someone doing something for you. Like a chore for example, okay, receiving gifts or giving gifts, quality time. So this is like undivided attention, conversation or activity that you do with someone or with yourself but we're going to talk about that really fills up that soul bucket. The other one is words of affirmation.

So saying things writing things lovingly to someone, and physical touch. Okay, so let's look into these acts of service. What can you do if this is your love language, like if someone does something for you fixes something for, you know, Moses your lawn, or does a chore for you without you asking or begging your children to do so like if they just unload the dishwasher, and that makes you feel so loved, right? That's just makes you feel, feel seen and understood and heard, and it just fills up your tank, if that speaks to you, what can you do for yourself, that will show you that love for you intentionally. So the things I wrote down here are order in food, right? Instead of going and making dinner and having to clean it all up and think about it and shop for it and plan for it and all of that stuff? Why don't you order in something that you just love. So even though this isn't my love language, I'll do this. Sometimes there's this Greek restaurant in town that it is so good, it's expensive, it definitely is a treat. But if I really don't feel like cooking, I will sometimes order this Greek food, and it feels so loving to myself to do it. It's something that nourishes me, I think it's so delicious. And it's definitely a treat, right? Like, it's me giving myself this beautiful service of this food delivery. So think about this for you, what will speak to you. asking for support is another thing that I wrote down here. This can be really hard to do, I think it can be really hard to do, especially if this is your love language. Because it's like, I just want someone to do this for me. I just want someone to see this need and, and help me out. But if this is your love language, you can give this to yourself, you can give this service to yourself by going, Hey, I really need this, I really need the support. And then going and asking and then being willing to receive, right the fact that you asked for it doesn't take away from the love that you can receive. You can still receive this from yourself by asking for this and having someone help you out. Another thing that I wrote down is set up something like a weekly house care, right like someone to come in and fold your laundry. If you hate folding laundry, ask someone for help them pay them to fold your laundry for you. So I did this I like I said this is not my my love language. But folding laundry is one of the things that I hate the most. So when I first became a single mom, like 12 years ago, I hired this wonderful woman, it was 15 bucks an hour, I'd be paying her a lot more these days, it was less than, but 15 bucks an hour and she folded and put away my laundry. And that just felt so wonderful to me. It just took that chore off my shoulders. It took away like that laundry balm guilt that I would feel when I walked past the laundry room and there was this huge Mount Saint laundry sitting there. Right? It was definitely a gift for myself. It was so loving. And I was a single mama, this isn't something that I was like, Oh, no problem, I can afford this. It was something I really needed to intentionally do for myself and invest in myself. So whatever your budget is, look at this. What are things that you can pay for intentionally with the intention of giving yourself this acts of service? And if this is hard for you to do, that's okay. This is a journey, right? Like how can you love yourself more through this? And if you do not have the budget right to be paying for help or paying for ordering? That's okay. Get curious. What other ways can you support yourself in the service that fills your heart? Now let's look at the other one gifts receiving gifts. Do you just light right up when someone gives you a thoughtful gift? If this is you, how can you give this to yourself? So let's start with the freebies first. I do love gifts. This isn't a primary love language, but when a thoughtful gift is given, it feels pretty special. So one of the things I love to do for myself is collect things. I love beach walks and forest walks. And I will collect pretty rocks. I will collect shells and I love beach glass. I have a big bowl of beach glass in my living room. And if you can do this and instead of like oh these are just things that I think are pretty and put it in your house if you can actually think of it as a gift to yourself

Wow, look at that beautiful shiny rock, I'm going to collect that I'm going to bring it home as a gift to remind myself how worthy I am of love how much I love myself, this can really fill your soul flowers as well, picking flowers for yourself, it is absolutely free, you can go out into a field in the spring and summer, or wherever the flowers grow up in my town, we actually get like loads of daffodils in the ditches on the side of the road in the spring. And I love going in there and picking them and just filling up my house with these beautiful yellow flowers. It's so gorgeous. And it really does feel quite loving to take that time to do it. So what can you get in nature, get in your environment and give to yourself as a gift. And really think into it as a gift. Right? This is what's important you want to give and receive this gift with love and from love. Now let's look at the things you can buy a weekly flower delivery service, oh my gosh, like that would be so luxurious. That would feel amazing. That would be amazing. Or think of like a box subscription. I see these all the time advertised and I I've never bought it for myself. But I think that could be really fun. If that's your love language like receiving gifts, imagine every month receiving this subscription of whatever it is you love whether it's like self care products, makeup, food. I think there's even like wine ones if that's your thing, like whatever. Oh, I did. Oh, you know why I actually did subscribe to something like this. It was called Oh, naughty knickers. And it was a underwear subscription service. And every month I would get these like sexy and pretty underwear delivered right to my door. And I loved it. It was so fun. But then the quality of it actually went down. And I was just like, Yeah, this actually isn't worth it anymore. But I think I might look into that again and look for another company because oh my goodness, maybe naughty knickers is great. Now, I'm not sure this was a while ago. But definitely, it's something that really filled my boots. So think about that for yourself, what would you love to receive as a gift from someone else give it to you. And I think it's extra special when you get it delivered, right? Like flowers delivery or a subscription box because it still feels kind of like a surprise. Definitely buying yourself flowers or buying yourself a present. That's great, for sure. But for me, it just feels like extra juicy to have it delivered. So think about you what will speak to you do that. So the next one is when I really know very intimately. This is quality time, undivided attention of conversation or activity. This is like everything to me when my partner takes the time and is really invested and really wants to that's the thing too, like, he has to really want to spend this time with me or I can feel it. And it doesn't really fill my boots, if he'd rather be, you know, out with the guys or whatever. But when it's like, oh, this is our date time, this is our time to really just love on each other. That just feels so good. So I've been thinking like, How can I give this more to myself? What can I do that will really show this love to me that I'm worth this. So I'm worth spending time with. So first of all with this, you have to work on that if you if you're if you have a hard time being alone, like if quality time with someone else that you love is what fills your boots. But if you really feel lonely when you're alone, this is where it's so important to allow those emotions, feel it, move through it, like breathe in it, allow that loneliness to be there, start to show that brat brain show that nervous system of yours that she's okay alone. She's not only okay, but this can be a very beautiful, valuable time for you to be with yourself. And this does take practice and it really can be something that is difficult, like I'm not denying that I've experienced it. I remember I took myself a couple of years ago, into a hotel for a couple of nights and I was just it was just going to be the most amazing time and I was so excited for it. I was so lonely and sad. And I felt depressed. Like I was just like, oh wow, this is really, really hard. But that lesson was amazing because it really showed me where I had the opportunity to grow in a relationship with myself. spending time alone can be a very nourishing valuable thing. to do, but working towards it is a gift again that you can give yourself so that you can really, really, really drop into this into this self care. So now things that I love to do when I love being alone, it's something that I really look forward to spending this quality time is, like I said, book time away, this is something I'm like, really craving. Lately, I'm just really wanting to go away for a couple of nights. Just me, I'll probably bring my dog Tucker. But just to go and be with myself with my own thoughts. Bring amazing yummy, delicious pleasurable food to eat your cozy socks, like stuff like that, right? Like just nourishing time alone. So it doesn't have to be a big deal like going away booking time away even though I do recommend it. But like even having a bath date with with yourself. So telling everyone in the house, it is my time. This is my alone time. Thank you for respecting that. Buying yourself some beautiful bath salts, maybe a candle, a book that you reserve to only read when you're having a bath, stuff like this. So if this feels your boots, do it and think how can I really, really, really sink into this and love myself more here. And just like hikes, I love going on hikes alone, in the forest or by the beach and just sinking into my own thoughts. I really encourage you to do this without listening to a podcast. Unless it's mine, just joking. Listen to it later. But just be with yourself in silence, no music, no podcast, no audiobook, just your thoughts, your breath, your own self, your own being. Again, this can be hard at first. But when you really sink into this, and you process all of the difficult emotions, at first to be able to move through to this beautiful solitude. It is such a gift and you have such an opportunity to really love yourself in it.

Words of affirmation, this is another one that really speaks to me. So this is like showing care and affection through words you speak or things you write or text. So write love notes to yourself, my friend, if this is something that you crave from others do this for yourself. Right? Like take your lipstick or eyeliner, whatever, write little love notes to yourself on your mirror, I have this I have like Good morning, beautiful, bright, like, it sounds so cheesy, but it really really fills my soul. And you know what was really neat, like I wrote this on my mirror. And then one day I woke up and my partner had wrote a beautiful love note to me on my mirror on the other side. And I'm like, wow, like me, showing me this love actually showed him how to show me this love. And that was just a really cool testament to how much self care works. What you do for yourself, how you take care of yourself is actually teaching others how to take care of you. And so another thing that I thought about when I was thinking about this podcast is how cool would it be to write a letter, like pen on paper, and like send it to yourself in the mail. So that in a couple of days, you actually receive it in the mail and you get to open it and read it. Like it's such a simple little thing. But man, would that be fun. And you can even put like some essential oil sent in there, you know, or some like beautiful flower petals that you open and this will come out these dried flower petals, whatever will really like make you feel so special. Think about that. Like if my partner or my children or my best friend did this for me home, oh my goodness, that would be amazing. Do it for you. And the last example I wrote down is why not write a letter to yourself from your future self. So this is like that future self who's growing into this embodied eater? Right? Like she's, she's living it. She's feeling it. She is jiving in it. Write a letter from her to you now, who is she? How does she think about herself? What does she think about her body? What are her favorite yummy, delicious, nutritious foods that she loves to indulge in? Right Like think about her? Who is she because she's actually available to you right now. So writing a letter from her. This is like from your highest self to write like if if your future self is hard to access. Think about that higher are self that one who you're like aspiring to be with so much love? What does she have to say to you? How can she love on you where you're at right now, write a letter, mail it to yourself, like I said, or just journal it out and revisit it. And if words of affirmation are difficult for you to write, like some people really don't love writing, that's totally fine. We have all the technology in the world now to be able to record ourselves and listen back. You can even send yourself voice messages and text them to yourself, like all of this is available to you. So how do you want to feel and receive loved do that for yourself?

Now, the last one here is physical touch. Physical Touch is something that can be a little bit difficult, right? Giving to yourself, when it's something that you really crave from someone else, right? Like really craving that hug, or really craving that back rub or just like, Oh, my goodness, when someone rubs my arm, that just makes me feel so so loved. One of my kids loves physical touch, like when he was little, he'd be like, can you just read my hair? Can you rub my back, like he was always wanting this and he always want to hold my hand. And it was lovely. Physical Touch is is not my love language. I do love having my background, it feels really nice to me, from someone that I'm close to, and really trust. But it has to be someone that I close to really trust. Like, I remember, this company I was a part of we would have conventions. And in the middle of the convention, the speaker would be talking and they're like, Okay, let's take a break. Everyone turn to your left and massage the person's shoulders and massage their lower back. And then you would have to do it to them too. And that I hated it. It just created so much anxiety. But anyways, that's a side note. So if physical touch is your thing, how can you give it to yourself, think about this, let's really brainstorm this. So I was thinking like a massage date. So I know that's not you touching yourself. But this is like you giving yourself this touch from someone else. Asking for touch. And paying for a massage can be a very beautiful form of self care. Absolutely. In my town here, we have a spa that has like a hydropathy cave thing that you can go to. And it's all water. So you go in there and they have all of this water massage that you can have and like a rain bath mats, all that's absolutely totally physical sensory touch. So if that's something that fills your soul, go and find things that you can actually give to yourself, to be able to experience this physical touch. Another thing that I wrote down is like buying cozy clothing that feels so good to you. Like right now I'm wearing this sweater. I don't know what it's made out of. But it is so soft. And it's it just feels so nourishing on my body. And when I'm feeling kind of like an extra need of self care when I'm feeling kind of sad or tired, I will seek out the sweater and I'll put it on. And it just feels like a warm hug. So physical touch doesn't have to be from another person, right? Like it can be water like I was talking about before, or something like clothing or a blanket. If this is something that really speaks to you, perhaps one of those weighted blankets might be something that will feel wonderful to you, or a beautiful silk pillowcase. So think about this, what would really envelop you in warm love. And obviously self pleasure will be one of these things. If sexuality of sensuality is something that really really fills you up. Like buy yourself a new toy. Allow yourself to invest in this for yourself so that you can love yourself up. I think it's so important to really allow this to be a part of your self love practice. And then think about like different lotions, different things that you can put on your body in love. I love rose oil. It's absolutely so luxurious. It's quite expensive and I just, I'll buy little vials of it for myself and I'll put it in hobo oil or almond oil. And then I'll mix it up maybe with some lavender in there to create more just like this beautiful scent. And then after shower or a bath I love to just anoint myself in this beautiful scent. Intentionally loving

In my body as I do so, rubbing my arms, right? rubbing my breasts, like give yourself a breast massage, for goodness sake, that can be absolutely such a loving thing to do for yourself. And this can also be difficult. And that is okay. Right in our self care, it doesn't have to be stuff just like I was talking about, with quality time feeling lonely is okay. processing these emotions, love yourself through it, it's the same with physical touch. If there's parts of your body that you really, really are disconnected from, maybe you've experienced a lot of shame, or maybe some abuse or a lot of abuse, and you just are like, Oh, my goodness, like physical touch means so much to me. But I cannot touch my breasts, I just feel so like disconnected from them. Whatever it is, allow yourself to gently go there and get the support you need. Therapy, coaching, right? All of these different things. Invest in yourself so that you can heal, so that you can receive, okay, and as you go through these, it's really interesting to see what triggers will come, okay, like, I love acts of service. But I do not like asking for help I have a really hard time receiving. Allow yourself to really get curious with that. What do you need, and in all of this total compassion, this is your journey. This is your growth, self care, Soul care, is to love yourself hole, you are not broken, you do not need to be fixed. All of this stuff is to bring yourself back to your wholeness, who you really, really are. Okay, my friend, I really hope that this helped to encourage you to love on yourself more and to really investigate all the different ways that you can do this because you are so so worth it. Thank you for loving on yourself by investing in this time to listen to this episode. I really, really value you and I appreciate you. And please share this with a friend, a sister, someone who you know, needs to hear this message, because we all do. Okay, my beautiful friend. I love you so much. Have a beautiful, wonderful day. Take care.