How Are You Going To Show Up?

What? Life isn't supposed to suck. Get out of here. Life is supposed to be good for me? I don't think so. Truth? Did you know that you have the power to create your own reality? True? Did you know that you can live the life that you've always desired? Holy? That's right. And that's why we're here. Are you ready? Unless you're on Joy overload, you've come to the right place, it's time to get out of your own way and start creating more of what you want, and less of what you don't end up with the excuses. I'm your host Jani Roberts. Let's do this.

Welcome back, everybody. So good to be here. I have a question for you today, I'm going to cut right to it. Maybe because I'm hoping I'm not the only one that's feeling like this sometimes. Do you ever feel like you're surviving your life? It's, it's that feeling of just hanging on. Maybe by your fingernails?

I've definitely experienced that. And I don't experience it for long periods of time anymore. But it does come and go. And some old patterns pop up. And then I'm like, Really, still thinking about this. I'm still having to deal with this. And I go into that feeling of survival? Is it continuing to live? In spite of my circumstances, in spite of my experience? You know, I feel like there are certain parts of my life I barely survived. Like, I don't know for you, you might also feel that way. I barely survived my kids, I barely survived college. I barely survived that first career. I barely survived that first marriage or relationship. For many of us, this is a pretty intense subject. We may have had to survive our childhoods. Right, survive a dis ease of the body. And I believe that the biggest one that we all deal with, is surviving our thoughts. This is the most common obstacle that we all deal with this continuous chatter that is going on in our minds.It doesn't necessarily serve us. I know you feel me on this.

We're all dealing with that. So we all have that in common. Here we go. Again, we're more alike than different, right? Survival is the act of living through something that feelssuper uncomfortable, threatening. And if we're going to continue to have these thoughts that bring that fear in that take us into that place, that feeling of survival. Well, we've all been there, we've all done it. And I think we would all agree, let's not do that so much anymore. Because when we do, it does not enhance our experience. It's simply that it can be life threatening. It can take us into a spin that we can find ourselves in for years, and spent decades trying to find our way back out. Perhaps that's what brought you to this podcast today. So we want to determine what we're experiencing, and how to change our experience on our journey.

How to adjust how to shift away from that feeling of survival into peace, and trust. So again, I think we all could agree that we've all survived many things in our lives. We often hear stories about survival, I'm sure you have I know I have that just blow me away. Like how did they make it through that? I'm such a wuss, I could never make it through something like that. But we all make it through more difficult times than we sometimes even realize. Because when push comes to shove, we will as human beings do what we got to do. And even if we choose to kind of check out and not deal, that's still a choice. We're doing what we feel like we have to do in the moment.

We each have to make that decision for ourselves. Now I've had the privilege to assist many people through this coaching practice. And I've personally, again just been blown away by the courage that people bring forth after major trauma it it's so inspiring. You know, think about it. We take a survival kit into the woods when we go on an adventure. But what do we use to protect act or prepare ourselves on a daily basis, on going into the woods, I should probably, you know, go go in prepared to probably think this through before I do this, no big deal. But you know, I want to be prepared. And we blast into our day just winging it. That's why this practice is so key. Because we do the work first thing in the morning. And that sets our intention. And it sets the energy in which we're going to experience our day. And because we could go into work and get attacked, we go into a relationship, conversation, we get attacked, we're dealing with so many things throughout our day. And we really need again, to be prepared, because it's in this preparation, where we get to move out in front of our thoughts. This is how we work our morning practice, this really arms as for how we're going to deal with what we come in contact with on a daily basis.

So I may say, you know, we get up and we do this, and that it's, it's more than just the moving meditation or just working in the journal. It's a combination. And it's the fact that we take the time to quiet the mind, and not just rush through the process. But really, step by step, work the practice, like I'm going to pack that backpack, I'm going to pack what I need for that camping trip, same thing, I'm going to take the time, because I know if I do that, everything else will work for me more easily than it would otherwise. So we assess, right we assess our situation.

Now, when you're doing this visualization work, and you to some degree know what's going to be coming at you during the day. I mean, we don't know everything, but we usually have a pretty good idea of what what is going to go down we have some type of schedule. This is powerful, if we take the time to really look at it, and not just survive it. If I know that I'm gonna go into a meeting, and I'm probably going to encounter a particular person that I work with, whose energy is always off. Consistently, I know what I'm going to get from them, and it's not going to be a real good feeling. Then I can prepare myself mentally, emotionally, all of that for it, I can not be sideswiped by my own reactions, I can instead, prepare, expect, and then choose how I want to react.

If we wing it, it doesn't always go so well. Right? Because then we're, we become more emotional, we are in more of that reactive state. So I'm going to take the time in the morning to visualize my day. I know I have this, this, this and this to do. Okay, how, in my perfect world, how would this go down?

What would this look like? And I'm gonna do this with an open mind. I you know, you can you can, you can feel those thoughts coming in, like, you know, it's gonna be the same old crap. It's always the same old crap. And that Monday morning meeting? Well, we do have the opportunity to change our perspective around that. Even if we don't have control over that meeting, we do have control over how we feel during it. How we choose to engage or not engage, perhaps disengaging is a better way to go only you know.

But my ability to put my energy out in front of what is coming. Massive, this is a very, very big deal. And many people just don't even know that they have this power, that they can actually do this, they can set their intention and pre pave, what is coming. We know there's going to be surprises so so why wing everything, why not prepare as much as we can, in a really fun way in a lighter way.

Think of times when you've known you've got something to do on a certain day that you are really looking forward to, you know, you spend more time thinking about that than you do thinking about something that you're not looking forward to. Why not you know that good thing is coming and you have nothing but that expectation for it. Why not play with this and see where it takes you. You can do that you have the power to do that. You can use your senses. How does this make me feel why you can check in?

What do I want to give my attention to? Would it be easier for me to just let that slide and not engage in that just let it be how it is if I can't control it and not get caught up and wound up and In it, just just chill, breathe and let go. I can tap into my center to my truth, and I can respond in a way that serves me best. Because you know why? I know you know why? Because nothing is more important than that you feel good. This is our priority. So why would I go in unprepared? Dislike, go into the slaughter? Why why do I do that? Why do I do that? I love that pink lyric. While I do that, why do I do that?

It makes you wonder. And what can I change that, because I can, I'm going to remember who I am. I'm going to remember that I get to choose no matter what, I get to choose my thoughts, I get to choose how I respond. I can release the fear, I can release the panic, I can release all of the old stuff. This is a new day and new opportunity and a new way of thinking. Just because it's always gone a certain way doesn't mean it's always going to continue to go a certain way. I'm not going down the rabbit hole over this nonsense. It's going to chill and release it. Not gonna give my power away. And then I'm going to play. I'm going to really listen, I'm going to actively listen, I'm going to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Then it can't possibly be the same old pattern. Because I just changed the game. I'm going to create a new pathway for this communication.

Why am I going to do this? Why why exert the energy? Because it makes me feel better. Because I value how I feel. And I honestly value how other people feel? Do you I believe you do. I believe you truly do value how other people feel are a part of you does.

I'm not gonna go in there with resistance and intentionally create havoc. I'm not going to survive it. I value my energy too much I value the outcome too much. I'm going to act like what I want is already done. I'm going to put it out there ahead of time. This is how I want this to go. And will it take a few times? I don't know. Maybe maybe not. Your energy shift might shift the whole thing. First time you try it. I certainly have experienced that.

But see, here's the deal. You're doing the work. You're not waiting for somebody else to change. You're actively choosing something different. Well, my dog agrees with this. He very powerfully agrees. It's kind of creepy, almost. Because he's always in my head. We are so in alignment. He knows. Is this the way it's supposed to go? Is this isn't the way they're supposed to this isn't seem typical, this seems out of the ordinary. I love that. And hey, if I went in and I did I overreacted. I can back out and chill. I can back it up. I can relax. And I'm certainly not going to take all of that with me for the rest of my day. No way, why would I carry something that's not serving me? All day long. While I replay that in my head over and over and over again. Why would I do that? You might want to make some notes in your journal about this. If you find yourself always reacting to a certain person a certain way. Take a look at that. Why is that? We say you know, these just kind of push my buttons are you pushing your buttons are you allowing them to push those buttons?

What's really going on? If you want to own it if you want to take control if nothing is more important than that you feel good. What's really going on here? It's really important to think about this guys. This is big stuff. Because we want you to live in bliss. Most of the time. We know there's going to be somewhat that other stuff. But it should be the minority not the majority of what you're experiencing it should be a little bit of that. A little bit of contrast or periodically a lot of contrast, but not day in day out pushing against surviving. You are a human being not a human doing. You are not what you do. What you do for work does that define who you are You're being that you create the energy that you bring. That is who you are. So how are you going to show up?

In your situations and the balance of your situations today? After listening to this podcast? How do you choose to show up? Burnout, tired in survival mode? Take a deep breath. Take another one. And let that shit go. gently and lovingly. Look at a situation that didn't go well and just say, How did I show up?

Did I show up coming from a place of love? Or did I show up coming from a place of fear? Already in resistance? I know they're going to attack me, I know they're going to attack me. I have no judgment around this, when doing doing this work forever. And just earlier today, I was finding myself in this place.

But as a result of the practice understanding what was going on and able to dial it back. Did it happen instantly? No. Did it take a little bit of time? Yes. Did it take all day? Not at all. If I show up, coming from a place of fear, I'm going to have a lot of knee jerk reaction going on. I'm not going to be having that full experience. I'm cutting myself off from the good energy. Again, no judgement. Will I probably do that kind of thing again? Sure. I probably will. But I'll recognize it quickly. I'll adjust it quickly. I'll forgive myself quickly. And I'll shift. I won't get stuck there for days, weeks, months years. This concept means that you are in control of your thoughts. This is the reality of this concept. You are in control of your thoughts. And so is everyone else. A fair playing field. So if the outcome leaves you feeling stuck, or in a survival mode. And again, I've certainly been there feeling like that hamster on the wheel. Let's get up, do it all over again and get up do it all over again and get up and do it all over again, it can't even find a place to breathe, let alone make a healthy meal. If that's the situation, it's time to back it out. It's time to figure out why. Where do we pick this pattern up? What do we need to do to shift out of it? This isn't fun. This doesn't feel good. This isn't meeting my expectation and nothing is more important that I feel good. It's time to look at it straight up. Are you going to talk about what you do each day to live the best life you can possibly live? Are you going to focus on the shit that's not working? have this conversation with friends that you trust? It's really fun. Tell them I'm on this journey on this journey of figuring out how I can live my best life. This is what this is my focus. I'm still doing all these other things. I'm being a parent or spouse or partner or what have you. And being a student and being a mom and dad, whatever caretaker. But I am mostly on this journey of figuring out how I can continually live my best life. And this begins with my thoughts. Have you noticed any patterns around my behavior? Do you know you got to feel comfortable to ask, and you got to trust them to ask. They might look at you like I don't know what the heck you're talking about. That's okay, too.

If you were to look at me and go, you know, you always fill in the blank. What would that look like? And be gentle. Like don't get on tense about this don't don't feel as though you're being judged. You're just asking for someone else's perspective. This can be really helpful or not, you got to feel like it's the right vibe for you. But just an idea of how you can get to this. If you feel stuck. If I believe I can't trust people, that doesn't make it true. I believe I can't trust people. Is that absolutely true. That people are not trustworthy and not one person? Nobody, not even yourself. Of course there are people that we can trust. But more than likely once you begin this journey, they are going to be people of like mind. We want to surround ourselves with people who aren't going to judge people have that open perspective so that we can ask questions and explore responses, our own responses and those of others. If we look at our partner and we say, you know, I can't trust you because you cheated on me.

Is that really true? The situation happened. But does that mean in every aspect of your life, you cannot trust that person? Let's say you have a kid together. Are you then saying they're a poor parent? You can't trust them with the child. See, the bottom line is that affair had nothing to do with you. Even if they tried to blame it on you, well, if you weren't such a if you weren't, so bla bla bla, I wouldn't have done it. That's bullshit. They their own reasons for doing it. It's not on you. If you were dealing with some things in your experience, and that distracted you from being present for your partner. Fair enough. Maybe you were a bit Mia. But that is that doesn't justify what they did. They did that was a choice they made. gotta own it. See that blame game? That's an old game. Think about it, my friends. What do you want to do? Do you want to survive your life? Or do you want to thrive in your life? I'm gonna leave you with that thought. Until next time. I appreciate you more that you know. I see you get this party started. Stop surviving. Start thriving, talk to you next time. Peace.