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Episode Intro:
Ever find yourself constantly ruminating over a comment where you felt criticized, still fuming over that driver that gave you the finger on your way to work, really down over that disappointing performance review, and hypersensitive over what felt like a disappointed look towards you from your boss. Do you, like me, tend to brush off compliments, focus on the poor grade you received instead of the good ones, and look to the next goal without really recognizing and celebrating the one you just accomplished???? You are not alone.
It’s actually an evolutionary thing and one that guest Cheryl Brewster has delved into to find not only the “why” but also tools that we can be using to stop negativity bias in its tracks – we need to be modelling this – because when we help ourselves, we also help those we lead – and love!
Join us to learn more!!!
About Cheryl Brewster:
As a Transition Specialist, Transformational Speaker, and Spiritual Mentor, Cheryl inspires individuals and organizations keen to make big differences in the world, to find the hidden treasure within challenge.
Cheryl’s story is one of extraordinary trust and the ability to ride the waves of change. In 2004 she left a successful career in the corporate world to “follow a calling” and founded The Intuitive Life to provide intuitive consultations, workshops, and training to both individuals and organizations.
In 2010 a family health crisis plunged her deep into her own “dark night of the soul,” testing every ounce of her faith and stamina. As a result, Cheryl discovered that with the right mindset, severe challenges can be catalysts for powerful, positive change.
Widely respected for her talents and abilities, Cheryl possesses the rare gift of inspiring the best in people and organizations for better outcomes, communication, connection, and resiliency.
Through her intuitive consultations, workshops, seminars, speaking, and coaching programs, she works with individuals and business groups to foster empowered decision making, creativity, improved working relationships and practical, strategies for meaningful, creative solutions.
Over the course of her career as a personal and business intuitive, Cheryl has consulted with and coached, executives and leaders in social and business projects, including company directors, naturopaths, entrepreneurs, local government, and small business.
Clients who work with Cheryl come away inspired, transformed and fully committed to living the deeper meaning of their lives with increased clarity, confidence, and self-trust.
Connect with Cheryl:
Email: Cheryl@TheIntuitiveLife.com
Website: https://theintuitivelife.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheIntuitiveLife
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cherylbrewster1/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IntuitiveCelebrations
Twitter: https://twitter.com/IntuitiveCheryl
About the Host:
Susan has worked with people all her life. As a human resource professional, she has specialized in all aspects of employment, from hiring to retirement. She got her start as a national representative for a large Canadian union. After pursuing an undergrad degree in business administration, Susan transitioned to HR management, where she aspired to bring
both employee and management perspectives to her work. Susan holds a Master of Arts degree in Leadership and Training. She retired from her multi-decade career in HR to pursue writing and consulting, and to be able, in her words, to “colour outside the lines.” She promises some fun and lots of learning through this podcast series.
Susan is also the author of the book Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from
Within available on Amazon – click below.
Leadership Inside Out: Effecting Change from Within: Ney, Susan G: 9781777030162: Books - Amazon.ca
If you wish to contact Susan, she can be reached through any of the following:
Website: Home - Effecting Change from Within
Email: susangney@gmail.com
Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/susan-ney-197494
Facebook: www.facebook.com/susan.ney.5/
Phone: (604) 341-5643
Thanks for listening!
It means so much that you listened to this podcast! If you know of anyone else who might find this series of interest, please share. If you have questions about this episode, please send me an email at susangney@gmail.com
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Hi. Welcome to the podcast HR inside out. I'm your
Susan Ney:host Susan Bay. And my guest today is Cheryl Brewster, a
Susan Ney:reinvention specialist. And I'm going to tell you a little bit
Susan Ney:more about Sheryl. First of all, welcome.
Cheryl Brewster:Thank you, Susan.
Susan Ney:For our listeners who are expecting this to be a
Susan Ney:podcast on work different 10 truths for winning in the people
Susan Ney:age. Kate bravery will be joining us on the march podcast,
Susan Ney:not this month as originally anticipated. So hopefully you'll
Susan Ney:join in next month. But today, we are very, very lucky to have
Susan Ney:Cheryl here. And she's going to talk to us about something that
Susan Ney:can so easily get in the way of our being able to present our
Susan Ney:very best that of negativity bias. So Cheryl, I can't wait to
Susan Ney:dive in. But first of all, I'd like to say a little bit about
Susan Ney:you if you're okay with that. transition specialist at
Susan Ney:transformational speaker a spiritual mentor. Cheryl
Susan Ney:inspires individuals and organizations keen to make a big
Susan Ney:difference in the world, and to find the hidden treasure in
Susan Ney:challenge. Now Cheryl's story is one of extraordinary trust and
Susan Ney:the ability to ride the waves of change. In 2004, she left a
Susan Ney:successful career in the corporate world to follow a
Susan Ney:calling. She at that point founded the intuitive life and
Susan Ney:through that provides intuitive consultations, workshops,
Susan Ney:seminars, speaking and coaching programs. She works to foster
Susan Ney:empowered decision making encourages creativity, improved
Susan Ney:working relationships, and practical strategies for
Susan Ney:meaningful and creative solutions. Now, in 2010, a
Susan Ney:family health crisis plunged Cheryl, deep into her own dark
Susan Ney:night of the soul, testing every ounce of her faith and her
Susan Ney:stamina. As a result, Cheryl discovered with the right
Susan Ney:mindset, severe challenges can be catalysts to both powerful
Susan Ney:and positive change. She is widely respected for her talents
Susan Ney:and abilities, she possesses a rare gift of inspiring the very
Susan Ney:best in both people and organizations, finding better
Susan Ney:outcomes communication, connection and resiliency. She
Susan Ney:has over the course of her career, consulted and coached
Susan Ney:individuals, executives, leaders, and social and business
Susan Ney:projects, company directors, naturopaths entrepreneurs, the
Susan Ney:list goes on. clients who've worked with Cheryl come away,
Susan Ney:inspired, transformed and fully committed to living the deeper
Susan Ney:meaning of their lives with increased clarity, confidence
Susan Ney:and self trust. And I know that that's certainly been my
Susan Ney:experience with her. I also know that she's a lifelong learner.
Susan Ney:And I know that she's currently working on her instructional
Susan Ney:diploma. And through that she shared some research from one of
Susan Ney:the assignments that she has been doing, it certainly caught
Susan Ney:my attention. And so I asked her to join us and talk more about
Susan Ney:her learning and her insights. Starting with Cheryl, if we
Susan Ney:could, what is negativity bias? And then let's move to like
Susan Ney:jumping right in? Why is it so important for us to understand
Susan Ney:this? And what are some tools that we should be having in our
Susan Ney:toolkits to actually deal with it? So I am so excited to learn
Susan Ney:about this. And to share that with our listeners, over to you
Susan Ney:please, enough for me.
Cheryl Brewster:Well, thank you so much for having me as a
Cheryl Brewster:guest, I appreciate the work that you're doing and really
Cheryl Brewster:inspiring people in working communities and you know, just
Cheryl Brewster:to lead from their best selves. So I think negativity bias is
Cheryl Brewster:hugely important to understand because it does have a
Cheryl Brewster:biological physical component that I think is easy to forget.
Cheryl Brewster:Because, you know, if we look at negativity bias, it's related to
Cheryl Brewster:worry, fear, you know, anxiety and in all those, what I call
Cheryl Brewster:the hairball of the soul emotions. So, what I appreciated
Cheryl Brewster:in my research was the neuroscience behind what it is
Cheryl Brewster:and where it evolves from. So basically, scientists believe
Cheryl Brewster:that we have a built in negativity bias from you know,
Cheryl Brewster:the brain is concerned, especially the the left
Cheryl Brewster:hemisphere of the brain is concerned with keeping the body
Cheryl Brewster:safe. So it literally goes on overdrive, it's looking looking
Cheryl Brewster:for the threats to keep us safe. So if that's not kind of
Cheryl Brewster:balanced out with the right hand side of the brain, the creative
Cheryl Brewster:side, the you know, the side that sees the bigger picture, we
Cheryl Brewster:can get ourselves into real Trouble. So from the research
Cheryl Brewster:that I found it a really good metaphor to think of it this
Cheryl Brewster:way, that, you know, we evolved over millions of years, and we
Cheryl Brewster:were dodging threats. So if you think of dodging sticks, we were
Cheryl Brewster:dodging threats, and we were chasing food or chasing carrot.
Cheryl Brewster:So it's a lot more, it's more important to notice and react to
Cheryl Brewster:remember the threats or the sticks than it is, you know, the
Cheryl Brewster:comfort or the carrots. So, in the tough environments our
Cheryl Brewster:ancestors lived, they missed out on the carrot, right. So we got
Cheryl Brewster:in the habit of not noticing the carrots, and instead focusing on
Cheryl Brewster:these threats. And before you know it, whoa, we have in our
Cheryl Brewster:genetic DNA, this this propensity to look for the
Cheryl Brewster:negative and what you look for, you'll find. So negativity bias
Cheryl Brewster:will show up in many ways, in relationships, it usually now
Cheryl Brewster:the stats are interesting, it usually takes five good
Cheryl Brewster:interactions to make up for a single bad one. And what can
Cheryl Brewster:happen in relationship, things can be going really well. And if
Cheryl Brewster:you're not used to that you will create you will sub self
Cheryl Brewster:sabotage. So that's why I think it's so important that we really
Cheryl Brewster:understand, you know, get to the bottom of this so that we don't
Cheryl Brewster:keep creating these repeating patterns. So in business, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, people will work work much harder to avoid losing $100, as
Cheryl Brewster:opposed to making $100. So we're kind of selling ourselves short
Cheryl Brewster:by focusing on the negative and painful experiences are much
Cheryl Brewster:more memorable than pleasurable ones. So we kind of want to
Cheryl Brewster:reverse that. And a good way of looking at negativity bias is
Cheryl Brewster:that the brain is kind of pre programmed to look for the
Cheryl Brewster:negative and find it, it's like Velcro. It finds it, it
Cheryl Brewster:remembers it, it holds it fast. Whereas pleasurable experiences
Cheryl Brewster:are like Teflon, they just slide right off. It's like, yeah,
Cheryl Brewster:okay, that was great. But we don't really take the time to
Cheryl Brewster:go, wow, that was really good. So we can create these very
Cheryl Brewster:negative self images, the stories we tell ourselves, and
Cheryl Brewster:goals will come and go, and we'll achieve the goal. But have
Cheryl Brewster:we really grown? Or are we simply repeating the pattern of
Cheryl Brewster:needing to prove ourselves. So I've certainly appreciated what
Cheryl Brewster:I've learned about negativity bias, because it creates
Cheryl Brewster:awareness, when you have awareness, you have choice. Now,
Cheryl Brewster:there's one more piece I want to add on negativity bias, when I
Cheryl Brewster:researched it further, I came across a term that I just loved,
Cheryl Brewster:it was called negative legacy emotions. And they use the
Cheryl Brewster:example of cocaine on the brain that irrational guilt shame. And
Cheryl Brewster:anxiety is kind of like a drug on the brain, it just totally
Cheryl Brewster:takes you out of your, your prefrontal cortex, where you
Cheryl Brewster:make executive decision making, and instead, we get a cloudy
Cheryl Brewster:mind. We're not trusting ourselves, we're feeling
Cheryl Brewster:insecure, that can that can really escalate and cause some
Cheryl Brewster:real problems. And we can see that in the workplace where, for
Cheryl Brewster:example, in the conflict resolution that I'm teaching
Cheryl Brewster:right now, it's like, whoa, like, where did that come from?
Cheryl Brewster:Right? On understanding or appreciating that, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:someone in the workplace, if their knee jerk reaction is not
Cheryl Brewster:checked, there will be problems. So we want to be very aware of
Cheryl Brewster:how we can handle those conflicts from the inside out,
Cheryl Brewster:which is okay, you know, what am I feeling using mindfulness
Cheryl Brewster:techniques, etc. So, the nuts and bolts is that, in order for
Cheryl Brewster:us to really work with this, there's a real opportunity here,
Cheryl Brewster:which I think is very exciting. So we take a look at these
Cheryl Brewster:negative legacy, Legacy emotions, because they're
Cheryl Brewster:irrational. And one of the terms that I found that I just loved
Cheryl Brewster:is that these are pre historic emotions. And they have no place
Cheryl Brewster:in our our current lives. And so we have to create an absolute,
Cheryl Brewster:uncompromising rule, to not take orders from irrational guilt,
Cheryl Brewster:shame and anxiety. So what that means is, we need to create a
Cheryl Brewster:habit of embedding optimism in the brain. So we can talk more
Cheryl Brewster:about that but for now, that's why I think it's so important
Cheryl Brewster:the more we know and understand, the more we can not take this
Cheryl Brewster:quite so personally, when you know that there's a biology at
Cheryl Brewster:play or you know, guilt is a pretty insidious emotion because
Cheryl Brewster:you're trying to do better and be, you know, your best self and
Cheryl Brewster:when you find your You're not that unreviewable rule of nope,
Cheryl Brewster:I'm not going to listen to the voice wants to, you know, put me
Cheryl Brewster:down. It's like this open and shut rule. Like this door, that
Cheryl Brewster:slam says nope, nope, not allowed to enter. So. And this
Cheryl Brewster:is where I think that we can really create opportunity by
Cheryl Brewster:using the power of decision to make that rule. And then to also
Cheryl Brewster:make the rule that I am committed to living my best
Cheryl Brewster:self. And, you know, mistakes are a part of learning. So when
Cheryl Brewster:we look for the learning, we have growth, but if we're not
Cheryl Brewster:willing to do that, then we're gonna stay stagnant. In fact,
Cheryl Brewster:we're gonna go down, because we're designed to grow. And if
Cheryl Brewster:we're not willing to, you know, to use this in a productive way,
Cheryl Brewster:we're kind of, we're kind of toast.
Susan Ney:That makes so much sense. And I love the, the
Susan Ney:skeleton, the, the Velcro, I just, I think of performance
Susan Ney:reviews, you know, and how, I don't know that people hear so
Susan Ney:many of the positives if there's something that's a growth
Susan Ney:opportunity, and and how so frequently, we perceive that
Susan Ney:it's just a negative. Yeah, you're in, you're right, you
Susan Ney:reaching the goals, I don't know that we pat ourselves about the
Susan Ney:milestones we do tend to focus on, you know, the things that
Susan Ney:went wrong. I mean, there's that there's a positive about that,
Susan Ney:because it's the learning and the, what could we do
Susan Ney:differently or better next time. But as you talk, and what I love
Susan Ney:is learning that this is all part of this is part of, like,
Susan Ney:literally years and years and years and years of programming.
Susan Ney:And we really reflect that also within our school systems. You
Susan Ney:know, I know my dad caught the sea, and the, you know, good
Susan Ney:marks, and then you get a bad mark, or what happened here. And
Susan Ney:so we do tend to reinforce that. But again, that would be
Susan Ney:natural, because that's been our heritage. So what I'm hearing
Susan Ney:you say is that, yeah, it's natural that we'd be feeling
Susan Ney:this this negativity bias. But what we need to be paying
Susan Ney:attention to is catching ourselves doing it, recognizing
Susan Ney:where it's coming from, and then making a choice to do
Susan Ney:differently going forward.
Cheryl Brewster:Exactly. Yeah. So knowing that we're kind of
Cheryl Brewster:pre programmed, it's like, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm going
Cheryl Brewster:to be aware that I don't have to keep doing this.
Susan Ney:When you shared with me a PowerPoint presentation for
Susan Ney:one of the classes that that you're doing, and you talked
Susan Ney:about the importance of reflection, and that's, that's
Susan Ney:part of this catching yourself and recognizing is like, I don't
Susan Ney:have to keep going down the same, the same road with this
Susan Ney:stuff. And you You referenced, I don't know who do he is, but you
Susan Ney:talked about Dewey's four criteria for reflection. And
Susan Ney:it's very much a self awareness piece, probably the emotional
Susan Ney:intelligence as well. Can you tell us a little bit more about
Susan Ney:what are these four criteria that in that reflecting process
Susan Ney:we should be paying attention to?
Cheryl Brewster:Absolutely. John Dewey was the probably the
Cheryl Brewster:most influential figure in the past century in regards to
Cheryl Brewster:education. So he, he's a, it was fascinating to research his
Cheryl Brewster:life. And basically, the four criteria for reflection that he
Cheryl Brewster:came up to is, and the reason reflection is so important is
Cheryl Brewster:that number one, it creates a bridge of meaning. And so what
Cheryl Brewster:it does is that it helps us make continuity of learning possible,
Cheryl Brewster:it ensures that progress, so we learn from our mistakes. So we
Cheryl Brewster:we keep moving forward, or we learn, you know, hey, that went
Cheryl Brewster:really well. I'll do that again. So the first thing is, is it's
Cheryl Brewster:the bridge of meaning. And when we find meaning, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:that's, that's basically our values come alive. It's what
Cheryl Brewster:keeps us alive. So I really appreciated that as I did the
Cheryl Brewster:research and did my own reflective writing practices for
Cheryl Brewster:the class and then share that PowerPoint. We something that
Cheryl Brewster:John Dewey said is that experiences don't transform us.
Cheryl Brewster:It's reflecting on the experiences that transform. So
Cheryl Brewster:from my own experience of working deeper with a reflective
Cheryl Brewster:process, it's true, like I was amazed and very grateful to go
Cheryl Brewster:deeper into my own reflection because I I've found a lot of
Cheryl Brewster:insight that I would have missed otherwise. So number one, the
Cheryl Brewster:bridge of meeting number two, the reflection is systematic,
Cheryl Brewster:rigorous, disciplined, and rooted in scientific inquiry.
Cheryl Brewster:And I like that too, because it's literally about telling the
Cheryl Brewster:truth to yourself. And, you know, that's a courageous act,
Cheryl Brewster:which ties into the scale of consciousness, which is a
Cheryl Brewster:different matter. But the, the work of David Hawkins, where all
Cheryl Brewster:the negative emotion that we're dealing with, as soon as we have
Cheryl Brewster:courage, we rise up that scale of consciousness, we rise up
Cheryl Brewster:that scale of emotion. And I think that really ties into this
Cheryl Brewster:because even though you might have a really negative emotion
Cheryl Brewster:that you're feeling, it's like, it's okay, this is part of
Cheryl Brewster:evolution, this is part of growth. So it becomes a very
Cheryl Brewster:empowered way of making true change in your life. So that's
Cheryl Brewster:the second criteria for reflective inquiry, which is
Cheryl Brewster:that it's systematic, it's rigorous, it's disciplined, it's
Cheryl Brewster:not this fluffy stuff. The third thing is that it needs now this
Cheryl Brewster:was fascinating. It needs to happen in community. Oh,
Cheryl Brewster:interesting. Yeah, that I love that because you know, me, I
Cheryl Brewster:teach all the classes, everyone sharing, but so the third
Cheryl Brewster:criteria is that needs to happen in community in interaction with
Cheryl Brewster:others. And then the fourth one that that ties into that is that
Cheryl Brewster:it requires attitudes that value the personal and the
Cheryl Brewster:intellectual growth of self and others. So Fascinating, isn't
Cheryl Brewster:it, that in order for true transformation to occur, you
Cheryl Brewster:need to reflect on it, and then you need to share it.
Susan Ney:So the community piece, because that can be
Susan Ney:tough, especially if you're dealing with stuff that you're
Susan Ney:not feeling comfortable with? What what might that look like
Susan Ney:in a work environment? But that'd be with a colleague,
Susan Ney:would that be? I guess it would be situational. But can you
Susan Ney:think of an example? Yeah,
Cheryl Brewster:well, in a, in a work environment, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:and I think that this comes back to how we do anything is how we
Cheryl Brewster:do everything, whether it's a person or an organization. So I
Cheryl Brewster:think the first question is to be aware, like, how am I
Cheryl Brewster:feeling? Do I feel like I'm in a threatening situation, because
Cheryl Brewster:our lens will color our perception. So in a work
Cheryl Brewster:situation, it's okay, if I'm telling the truth to myself,
Cheryl Brewster:then having the skill set to be able to communicate that truth
Cheryl Brewster:to somebody else in a mutually respectful way. So this is
Cheryl Brewster:where, you know, we have nonviolent communication. And we
Cheryl Brewster:also I think, have a piece of emotional intelligence here,
Cheryl Brewster:which is to say, you don't know what's going on in someone's
Cheryl Brewster:day. And remembering that negativity bias, kind of is a is
Cheryl Brewster:a real clue to how personally am I taking this? Take this as
Cheryl Brewster:personally as I am. And I think that's where we really get into
Cheryl Brewster:trouble.
Susan Ney:And love the reminder too, that we really don't know
Susan Ney:what's happening on somebody else's world. Yeah. And yeah,
Susan Ney:are part of self awareness. And I would think reflection would
Susan Ney:be one of the tools to deal with negativity bias, you talk about
Susan Ney:a number of other tools that are very helpful for people when
Susan Ney:they are finding themselves in kind of that space.
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah. So what I did in my PowerPoint was put
Cheryl Brewster:together, okay, these are quick, fast, easy tools that have a
Cheryl Brewster:scientific basis for them. They work based in science. So the
Cheryl Brewster:first thing is to breathe. You know, and just that, that breath
Cheryl Brewster:that sort of three breaths just to slow down the physiology.
Cheryl Brewster:Now, here's the interesting thing about negative emotion is
Cheryl Brewster:that bang, before you know it, it's there. Like it's fast. So,
Cheryl Brewster:so a big part of reflection then is reviewing your day, what went
Cheryl Brewster:well? What would you do differently? And also to
Cheryl Brewster:rehearse if that situation happened again, how would you
Cheryl Brewster:handle it this time? And that goes a long way in really
Cheryl Brewster:supporting effective conflict resolution, because at the end
Cheryl Brewster:of the day, you know, sure people make mistakes, but we all
Cheryl Brewster:make mistakes. And I think a great way of looking at how
Cheryl Brewster:personally we take things is you know, It often says more about
Cheryl Brewster:us than it does the other person. Because you're in charge
Cheryl Brewster:of your destiny, not somebody else. True. Oh. So catch
Cheryl Brewster:yourself know that the negativity bias is going to be
Cheryl Brewster:there. And course correct as fast as you can. And how do you
Cheryl Brewster:do that? Number one, the breath. And number two, I love this
Cheryl Brewster:exercise, letting the good in. So again, if we go back to
Cheryl Brewster:positive, negative bias and emotion, the other example to
Cheryl Brewster:use is, when good things happen to you, it's kind of like water
Cheryl Brewster:going through a sieve in the brain, it just goes right
Cheryl Brewster:through, you're not noticing, because you're not our genetics
Cheryl Brewster:are trained, trained not to notice. Whereas if it's
Cheryl Brewster:something negative, it's like a chunk of coal, it's in that
Cheryl Brewster:sieve, and it, it's a big one. And so. So the thing to do then
Cheryl Brewster:is to take 1020 30 seconds, Max doesn't take long to let the
Cheryl Brewster:good in. So to notice what was good about your life that day,
Cheryl Brewster:and not only to notice it, but use that 10 or 20 seconds to
Cheryl Brewster:just really breathe and, and savor it. Like Like, even right
Cheryl Brewster:now, we all did that and just went, Yeah, that was good today,
Cheryl Brewster:that didn't feel good today. And it's incredibly fast. So the
Cheryl Brewster:science is saying do that six times a day, you're embedding
Cheryl Brewster:positive, you're embedding the good, you're noticing the good
Cheryl Brewster:more, which means that your quality of your experience is
Cheryl Brewster:increasing as well. So when you feel better, you're more
Cheryl Brewster:optimistic, you're looking for the good, you're more creative,
Cheryl Brewster:the prefrontal cortex is free. It's not bogged down, you have
Cheryl Brewster:access to it, which is really important for decision making.
Cheryl Brewster:And you know, post COVID, our whole worlds got changed upside
Cheryl Brewster:down. We're still dealing with it. So just a reminder, hey, you
Cheryl Brewster:know what you met, we all went through something big. And so
Cheryl Brewster:it's like, again, it can be that knee jerk reaction where if you
Cheryl Brewster:had something traumatic happen, you're on guard, you're looking
Cheryl Brewster:for it. And so you want you want to balance that out. And you
Cheryl Brewster:also want to recognize that negativity bias will promote
Cheryl Brewster:worry, and worry will promote a loss of trust in yourself, and
Cheryl Brewster:lead to those feelings of low self esteem. And, and I think
Cheryl Brewster:the big one too, is we can fall into compromising ourselves, and
Cheryl Brewster:feeling incompetent. And you know, back in the corporate
Cheryl Brewster:world, I should remember sitting at my desk, you know, I used to
Cheryl Brewster:work with bills, material and sales, and I'm worried about the
Cheryl Brewster:formulas Did I do the math, right? And, man, I'd be sitting
Cheryl Brewster:there literally having a quiet panic attack, looking around
Cheryl Brewster:everyone else going open, they're so calm. I'm the only
Cheryl Brewster:one right? Well, it's like, and so I did a real number on myself
Cheryl Brewster:way back then. And it was needless and painful. So
Cheryl Brewster:painful. So it's like, okay, I appreciate that, yes, we will go
Cheryl Brewster:through pain. So let's give it a productive purpose. So we can
Cheryl Brewster:change the pattern, we could transform that pattern, we can
Cheryl Brewster:evolve it, we can grow it.
Susan Ney:And I suspect, as you say, with this being all well
Susan Ney:documented in scientific research now, that the more you
Susan Ney:do something like that, where you catch yourself and you, you
Susan Ney:take a look at the positive or you allow the positive in that
Susan Ney:you really are building more neural transmitters or whatever
Susan Ney:they're called, so that it becomes easier to do it with
Susan Ney:with practice.
Cheryl Brewster:Exactly. And that's why it's so exciting.
Cheryl Brewster:Because, I mean, we've been hearing about the neuroscience
Cheryl Brewster:for years, what wires together fires together. And the truth
Cheryl Brewster:is, it's like wow, okay, I am actually physically changing my
Cheryl Brewster:brain by doing this. And so this, this rule, we're like, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, what do I really want because the clearer we are and
Cheryl Brewster:and that was a really interesting piece to discover in
Cheryl Brewster:the research as well. Do we give ourselves permission to know
Cheryl Brewster:what it is we really want? And, and part of the research so they
Cheryl Brewster:did to which is the next component is the power of all
Cheryl Brewster:and wonder.
Susan Ney:I want to hear more about that. I just, I'd heard
Susan Ney:So, instead of just saying, how was your day? What good happened
Susan Ney:to you today? You know, if we started to greet one another
Susan Ney:with tell me something good that's happened to your you
Susan Ney:know, if you're a mom, with your kids coming coming home from
Susan Ney:school, what good happened to you today instead of, you know,
Susan Ney:how was your day again would start to build that muscle and
Susan Ney:to make that more natural, and just yeah, just feels good even
Susan Ney:saying it. Okay. Okay, let's, let's go the water and I'm
Susan Ney:getting excited.
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah, cuz you know what wonder and awe are
Cheryl Brewster:juicy. And it's like, Who wouldn't want that? And it's,
Cheryl Brewster:it's, it's our birthright, you know, as much as we're wired
Cheryl Brewster:with a negativity bias. We're also wired for happiness and joy
Cheryl Brewster:and peace of mind. And, and I, it's just a reminder that that
Cheryl Brewster:they go together and the wonder and the awe will put us back
Cheryl Brewster:into, you know, the balance of both sides of the brain. So the
Cheryl Brewster:research I'm wondering is, is the I mean, look at Einstein,
Cheryl Brewster:and Imagination is more important than knowledge. When
Cheryl Brewster:we go into the wonder and the awe, it reminds me of, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:when you're a kid, and you don't want to mow the lawn, and but if
Cheryl Brewster:there's a good looking guy next door, it's like, yeah, oh, no.
Cheryl Brewster:Like, suddenly, we have the energy for it. And, and, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, that's one of the things that I really appreciate about
Cheryl Brewster:you. And what you've always done in your career is, is look for,
Cheryl Brewster:you know, Where's where's juice here? What's different, what's
Cheryl Brewster:unique, because as soon as we find that, that's what spurs
Cheryl Brewster:learning because it's different. And that's the other side of the
Cheryl Brewster:brain of it. You know, the other side of the brain too, is that
Cheryl Brewster:loves to learn. It loves to know what's new. So, wonder and awe,
Cheryl Brewster:like using our imagination, which is a part of
Cheryl Brewster:transformational learning. So that like, I wonder, I wonder
Cheryl Brewster:what that would be like. And, yeah, like, I was playing with
Cheryl Brewster:this today. It's like, ah, if I was my future self right now,
Cheryl Brewster:what would I be doing? And what how would I be thinking and and
Cheryl Brewster:the cool piece on that too. Benjamin Hardy love Benjamin
Cheryl Brewster:Hardy for anyone out there who you know, wants to kind of be up
Cheryl Brewster:to the science of all of this, too. He's a he's a psychologist
Cheryl Brewster:and in behavior and management and all those good things. In
Cheryl Brewster:his book 10x is easier than 2x. He talks about, you know, you
Cheryl Brewster:define your past by the present. I thought that was very good. We
Cheryl Brewster:define our past by the present, because the present, when you
Cheryl Brewster:look back at your past, well, which way do you want to look at
Cheryl Brewster:it? When you look at it from what did I learn? How did I
Cheryl Brewster:grow? How different Am I than I was before? It's like, it's
Cheryl Brewster:huge. There's good stuff there, right? So the wonder in the eye
Cheryl Brewster:is, well, well, look how much I've learned, look how much I've
Cheryl Brewster:grown, if I could do that way back then. And with what I know
Cheryl Brewster:now, like, anything is possible. What do I really want, which
Cheryl Brewster:gets us back into, into desire, wanting to do something for the
Cheryl Brewster:sheer joy of it. And when that is involved, now, I think we're
Cheryl Brewster:talking, okay, things are happening now. And that's where
Cheryl Brewster:I think some of our great thought leaders, some of our
Cheryl Brewster:great inventors, it's like, let's, let's have fun again.
Susan Ney:You've mentioned mindfulness, and it really is
Susan Ney:about stopping, being in the moment. And I just love that
Susan Ney:because, you know, as you're talking, I'm thinking of
Susan Ney:different places I've worked and just, you know, some of them
Susan Ney:happier experiences and others, but I've met phenomenal people.
Susan Ney:And I've had, you know, there there have been times where I
Susan Ney:got stretched, but because of that stretch then doing that at
Susan Ney:the next organization wasn't such a challenge. So yes,
Susan Ney:looking back and and, you know, changing your perception of some
Susan Ney:of the things that we would otherwise beat ourselves up
Susan Ney:over, you know, I could have done better, you know, just, oh
Susan Ney:my goodness, you know, if I'd only had the experience that I
Susan Ney:have now, when I tried to deal with that situation. We're
Susan Ney:really good at beating ourselves up. But that was all part of the
Susan Ney:learning experience and, and why we are who we are today. So
Susan Ney:those you write those are really important. Got it. It does take
Susan Ney:it does take some time to just think right to, instead of just
Susan Ney:be caught up in the whirlwind of, of your past of rec,
Susan Ney:spending some time and recognizing the absolute
Susan Ney:positive suppose, and looking at them as positives.
Cheryl Brewster:Exactly asking yourself, What? What can I learn
Cheryl Brewster:from this? What's the value in this? And, you know, I think
Cheryl Brewster:that's the, there's a real humility piece here, I think
Cheryl Brewster:that's important to talk about. Because when when we recognize
Cheryl Brewster:there is something in our life that isn't working, as well as
Cheryl Brewster:we'd like it to. The humility piece is, is thank you for
Cheryl Brewster:letting me know.
Susan Ney:Yeah, yeah. You also talked about the use of
Susan Ney:metaphors and the importance of metaphors, can you share a
Susan Ney:little bit more of that with our listeners? And what I'm saying,
Susan Ney:you talked about, it's been Cheryl was talking to me before
Susan Ney:about some of the research that she was doing?
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah, well, you know, and again, like, who knew
Cheryl Brewster:I, sometimes these concepts or terms, you know, because we're,
Cheryl Brewster:they've been around for years, we forget the meaning of them.
Cheryl Brewster:And we forget how powerful they are. So, metaphors help the mind
Cheryl Brewster:because the mind sees in pictures, not in words. So
Cheryl Brewster:that's where, you know, Plato, back in the day came up with the
Cheryl Brewster:cave metaphor, where, you know, you, there's shadows on the
Cheryl Brewster:cave, and you're looking at the shadows on the cave, and then
Cheryl Brewster:you see the light and you're, you're you're you're scared to
Cheryl Brewster:go out because of all this activity, when, you know, it's
Cheryl Brewster:it was just a shadow on on the cave wall. So that's an example
Cheryl Brewster:of a metaphor. And, you know, the the research is that
Cheryl Brewster:psychologists and neurologists, both of them, tell us that we
Cheryl Brewster:use metaphors to make sense of our lives. So kind of like
Cheryl Brewster:reflection, it's the meaning it's the bridge. Now, the cool
Cheryl Brewster:thing about metaphors is that they're absorbed directly by the
Cheryl Brewster:subconscious mind. And that's why, for example, in the work
Cheryl Brewster:with with that I do with with hypnosis is going straight into
Cheryl Brewster:the unconscious mind. What I love about metaphor and teaching
Cheryl Brewster:is this. Ask yourself, if there was a fairy tale or a myth that
Cheryl Brewster:I'm living, which one would it be? What would I pick? And now
Cheryl Brewster:take it straight into your unconscious. And then from
Cheryl Brewster:there, you can explore the different characters in the myth
Cheryl Brewster:or this story. I remember way back when when I did this years
Cheryl Brewster:ago, I first thing that popped up was, you know, the, the, the
Cheryl Brewster:ugly duckling because that's how I felt at the time I felt gawky,
Cheryl Brewster:I felt awkward. And I think it's important to talk about this
Cheryl Brewster:because in learning, there will always be the distressing
Cheryl Brewster:dilemma. So so if we can reframe the distress that we feel with
Cheryl Brewster:change because the brain gets alerted, because it's it likes
Cheryl Brewster:patterns. And now you're in a situation that you've not been
Cheryl Brewster:in before. So the brain gets fired up, because it's looking
Cheryl Brewster:for the pattern. So that's why these mindful awareness
Cheryl Brewster:techniques are so powerful, because they take pre existing
Cheryl Brewster:information. You add, which is a pattern, you add some new
Cheryl Brewster:information. And now you have a bigger viewpoint, greater Vista,
Cheryl Brewster:which means you have greater choice. And that's the power of
Cheryl Brewster:metaphor, because it helps you see things differently. And
Cheryl Brewster:which ties into open mindset or learner's mindset and closed
Cheryl Brewster:mindset. And I find this really fascinating. And I love, I love
Cheryl Brewster:to know, that if there's something in my life that I find
Cheryl Brewster:limiting or restrictive, or something that hurts that I have
Cheryl Brewster:the power to work with it, I do have the power to change it.
Cheryl Brewster:Because that power is inside of me. But I may not be aware of
Cheryl Brewster:it, or I may have forgotten it because you know, our power can
Cheryl Brewster:be unconscious too. And we're not consciously aware of it or
Cheryl Brewster:using it. So now if we look at the pain of, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:existential pain, or whatever you want to call it, it's like
Cheryl Brewster:wait a minute. What if it's not so bad? After all, what if it's
Cheryl Brewster:just growth wanting to happen? What if I've outgrown myself and
Cheryl Brewster:now it's time for something more? So, you know, there's one
Cheryl Brewster:part of the brain that wants to comfort and then the other part
Cheryl Brewster:of the brain is going yeah, let's go And so then you get
Cheryl Brewster:this dilemma right this push pull. So bottom line and I love
Cheryl Brewster:the work of of G's for name escapes me right now give it to
Cheryl Brewster:you for the show notes. But DUAC Carol Dweck wrote a book on
Cheryl Brewster:mindset. And the difference between the two. And that in a
Cheryl Brewster:closed mindset, it's like, and this is where the unconscious
Cheryl Brewster:comes in. We don't even realize how close we are. So when a
Cheryl Brewster:difficult situation comes along, and this is where there's power
Cheryl Brewster:in adversity, that if we can use adversity to grow from, it'll
Cheryl Brewster:help us own our power in a way that really cuts to the chase.
Cheryl Brewster:So the bigger picture and a learner's mindset goes, Okay, I
Cheryl Brewster:don't like what's happened, but you know, what, I'm gonna look
Cheryl Brewster:for the good in it. And I'm going to, I'm going to use it to
Cheryl Brewster:grow. And the research has shown, especially with kids in
Cheryl Brewster:school, that when we have an open mindset, we get better and
Cheryl Brewster:better at transforming closed mindset, where, even though it
Cheryl Brewster:may be hard, we can we can actually enjoy the process, we
Cheryl Brewster:can have fun with it. So that's why I really appreciate what
Cheryl Brewster:you're up to here with your podcast, your podcast is a
Cheryl Brewster:demonstration of learners mindset, right? I
Susan Ney:just love the fun part of it.
Cheryl Brewster:And if we can make learning fun, man, then
Cheryl Brewster:then we can make change fun. And that's that's transformation.
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah,
Susan Ney:yeah. No, that's wonderful. Hey, I also noted the
Susan Ney:word optimism. And I think he kind of spoken of of that. But
Susan Ney:anything else you wanted to share on optimism as part of the
Susan Ney:tool in the toolkit, when you're dealing with negative mindset?
Susan Ney:Or is was that specifically about catching yourself and
Susan Ney:looking at? What else might be going on?
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah, yeah, there's there's an important
Cheryl Brewster:component here on optimism. And I, again, in the research that I
Cheryl Brewster:did, I found a study that they did, I think it was in the
Cheryl Brewster:Netherlands, where they did an optimist intervention. And what
Cheryl Brewster:they did was for two weeks, they had people really work with
Cheryl Brewster:optimism, and, and they had imagery of what their future
Cheryl Brewster:self and two weeks would look like. So the research showed,
Cheryl Brewster:and I mean, everyone felt better. And they they, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:did things that they maybe wouldn't have done in the two
Cheryl Brewster:weeks. But what was interesting, and the research was that the
Cheryl Brewster:people who focused every day on the outcome of that future self
Cheryl Brewster:that they were creating, actually did far more than just
Cheryl Brewster:the people who who use positive imagery on a day to day
Cheryl Brewster:activities. Interesting. So I thought that was interesting. So
Cheryl Brewster:Seligman, who was the father of, or the founder of positive
Cheryl Brewster:psychology, had this to say, and I think it's worth repeating.
Cheryl Brewster:You have to embed optimism in your brain through the power of
Cheryl Brewster:non negative thinking. So optimism is a choice. And it can
Cheryl Brewster:be taught, as you know, the research shows. And the reason
Cheryl Brewster:why it's stressed is because it does change the brain. And it's
Cheryl Brewster:what keeps us healthy, you know, in all the research that they're
Cheryl Brewster:doing with dementia, and in you know, the, the effect of the
Cheryl Brewster:body, our health. You know, it's hugely important. And back in
Cheryl Brewster:the day, I'll never forget, but I'm, I'm aging myself here, but
Cheryl Brewster:Norman Vincent Peale, saying, he was talking about positive
Cheryl Brewster:thinking is saying, Look, don't think that this is pollyannish.
Cheryl Brewster:It takes grit, grit, and courage and muscles to live this way.
Cheryl Brewster:This, this is a courageous path. And an important one, because if
Cheryl Brewster:we don't live it, then the very meaning of our lives gets lost.
Cheryl Brewster:And at the end of the day, you know, it's like that quote that
Cheryl Brewster:goes, yeah, by the time I'm done, I'm on a skid with the
Cheryl Brewster:dust. Wow, what a ride.
Susan Ney:And I think it's really important to be talking
Susan Ney:about this because there's just so much happening in our world
Susan Ney:that it Yeah, it can take people out and to be cognizant of
Susan Ney:what's going on and having these tools to to make the Come
Susan Ney:different, to make our thinking process different is so
Susan Ney:important. So very important. I think particularly right now.
Cheryl Brewster:I agree, you know, I think, you know, reminds
Cheryl Brewster:me that, you know, when we've had something hard happen, kind
Cheryl Brewster:of knocked the wind out of our sails, right. And so to catch
Cheryl Brewster:ourselves and say, okay, and to recognize the signs, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:what I, I, I need to look at this, I need to work with this.
Cheryl Brewster:And because the joy does return. And it's, it's a process of
Cheryl Brewster:discovery, and it is a process of decision. And I like to think
Cheryl Brewster:of, I like to think of all of these tools is, is being
Cheryl Brewster:muscles. And one of the studies I found to Susan was, it was
Cheryl Brewster:talking about reflection, and was saying how, you know, the
Cheryl Brewster:the mind is like a muscle. And the reflection is what
Cheryl Brewster:replenishes that reflection is what gives it a rest and kind of
Cheryl Brewster:rejuvenates it. And our brain is uses up 20% of our energy,
Cheryl Brewster:that's a lot for muscle loss. And so, so that's why you know,
Cheryl Brewster:if you've been focused for a long period of time, get up and
Cheryl Brewster:take a breather, or go get a breath of fresh air or my
Cheryl Brewster:favorite, and I love this, and I have to tell you, when one
Cheryl Brewster:participant in a recent practicum that was doing and,
Cheryl Brewster:you know, she just isn't Cheryl, I just don't get it, I just, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, I just don't get that stuff. And she says, How can you
Cheryl Brewster:have so many happy people in here? And then I said, Well, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, oh, and she said, the homework is to dance. Are you
Cheryl Brewster:kidding me? So, so I said, Well, here's the research will so you
Cheryl Brewster:know what? She tried it and she just it that she came back to be
Cheryl Brewster:lame. She said, that changed my life? Wow.
Susan Ney:Yeah. Wow. Hey, a lot of our listeners are people who
Susan Ney:have responsibility for other people, they oversee other
Susan Ney:people. So any thoughts on, you know, other than modeling this
Susan Ney:yourself, you know, as a leader? Any thoughts on what somebody
Susan Ney:could do when they see that someone on their team? Perhaps
Susan Ney:is struggling with negative negativity bias? Or, you know,
Susan Ney:some of what we've talked about today?
Cheryl Brewster:Yeah, I think that, especially with teams, a
Cheryl Brewster:couple of things, number one, you know, the, the Compassionate
Cheryl Brewster:communication, which is, hey, you know, you're, you're
Cheryl Brewster:everything, okay? No, just checking in everything, okay,
Cheryl Brewster:you know, to keep it factual, and to also invite conversation
Cheryl Brewster:so that, you know, at the end of the day, it's always about
Cheryl Brewster:connection. So that would be my first response, I was going
Cheryl Brewster:everything, okay, and, you know, just checking in. And then my
Cheryl Brewster:second response would be, to introduce reflection into the
Cheryl Brewster:workplace. In a study that they did out of India, Harvard
Cheryl Brewster:Business did a study. And it was a call center, and they were
Cheryl Brewster:having a hard time keeping staff. And so they they did a
Cheryl Brewster:study, and they introduced the reflection piece, and one study
Cheryl Brewster:group, reflected after training, they gave them time to reflect
Cheryl Brewster:on the training. The second study group, not only did they
Cheryl Brewster:reflect it was written reflection and sharing. And then
Cheryl Brewster:the third study group, there was no change. So in both groups
Cheryl Brewster:that reflected the one that did the written reflection, and the
Cheryl Brewster:sharing increased productivity by 25%. The second, the second
Cheryl Brewster:group was just over, it was almost 23%. So between the two
Cheryl Brewster:50% improvement in performance and in production. So I think
Cheryl Brewster:this is a really valuable tool that is not utilized at all in
Cheryl Brewster:and, on another study that I researched, the executive said
Cheryl Brewster:that what made the difference between being mediocre, and
Cheryl Brewster:being, you know, stellar, was that reflection piece. So in the
Cheryl Brewster:workplace, I think there's a real opportunity here to create
Cheryl Brewster:something really exciting. That only not only improves
Cheryl Brewster:performance and efficiency in the bottom line but improves the
Cheryl Brewster:quality of people's experience. And when you have that, like, I
Cheryl Brewster:mean, there's one boss that I had, his staff would have done
Cheryl Brewster:anything for him. Because he, he, he not only modeled it, but
Cheryl Brewster:he invited it from his stuff. And, you know, to this day, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, I just, I'm very touched by this person who, to me really
Cheryl Brewster:represented. True, true leadership. Wow.
Susan Ney:And turning to these tools and situations,
Susan Ney:friendships or conversations with family members, any
Susan Ney:thoughts? I think I probably know the answer. But are they as
Susan Ney:applicable in sort of non work situations where you see
Susan Ney:somebody struggling?
Cheryl Brewster:Absolutely. You know, we we really don't know
Cheryl Brewster:what's happening for someone. And, you know, I, and
Cheryl Brewster:especially, I think, you know, as I get older, and I, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:I had some health stuff up come myself last year, and I remember
Cheryl Brewster:going in the day before surgery going, you know, what, I, this
Cheryl Brewster:could be the last time I do this, this could be the last
Cheryl Brewster:time I am in this home, this could be my last car ride. And
Cheryl Brewster:this is where I think slowing things down is really important.
Cheryl Brewster:And there's a false perception out there. And I know that I've
Cheryl Brewster:experienced this in my life, Oh, I gotta get this done. I gotta
Cheryl Brewster:do this, go do that. It's like, no, no, no, you actually don't.
Cheryl Brewster:What's most important that goes back to that 8020 rule? What's
Cheryl Brewster:most important? Am I living my life that way? And again,
Cheryl Brewster:there's courage involved. And the currency I think, is trust
Cheryl Brewster:and faith. And really slowing down to saying Am, Am I taking
Cheryl Brewster:care of what's most important? Using that rigorous scientific
Cheryl Brewster:inquiry? Tell the truth? No, I'm not okay. It feels a lot better
Cheryl Brewster:when I do. Then I'm in integrity, then you know what,
Cheryl Brewster:the day that comes when I'm not on this planet anymore. All know
Cheryl Brewster:that I could have left this earth. Doing everything that I
Cheryl Brewster:could have to contribute to myself and to others. And I said
Cheryl Brewster:to a client today, she wanted you know, she's going through a
Cheryl Brewster:lot of transition doesn't know what to do. And I said to her,
Cheryl Brewster:and she said, the one thing she realized and she wanted was, she
Cheryl Brewster:wanted to do good in the world. And I said, in order for you to
Cheryl Brewster:be to do good in the world, you have to do good to yourself.
Susan Ney:Yeah, I sure believe that. Yeah.
Cheryl Brewster:So yeah, this is whether it's personal or
Cheryl Brewster:professional, it's the bottom line is, wherever you go, there
Cheryl Brewster:you are. Yeah,
Susan Ney:and a huge piece of leadership, whether it be small
Susan Ney:l er, or big L leadership. I want to before we begin, bring
Susan Ney:the podcast to a close, talk a little bit more about the term
Susan Ney:that you use, transformational learning, and why this is such
Susan Ney:an important piece of all of what we've talked about. You've
Susan Ney:talked a little bit about it, but just any any other nuggets.
Cheryl Brewster:Yep. The I guess the one nugget that really
Cheryl Brewster:stands out for me is that transformational learning, we'll
Cheryl Brewster:always start out with a distressing dilemma.
Susan Ney:And we get lots of those lives because we get so
Susan Ney:much
Cheryl Brewster:this is this is this is a signal of growth,
Cheryl Brewster:right? I like that part. So the you know, and there's many
Cheryl Brewster:different theories and models out there. The the one that I
Cheryl Brewster:was studying was was Mazur house, transformational and was
Cheryl Brewster:basically 10 phases. And I love the first two phases that yes,
Cheryl Brewster:there's going to be a distressing dilemma. And, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, it's like, that's okay. It's like, Oh, can we remember
Cheryl Brewster:that? You know, what part of part of being distressed is?
Cheryl Brewster:It's a biofeedback signal saying, hey, you know what, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, get back, get back to your core, get back to your core.
Cheryl Brewster:It's okay. The second phase is again, the reflection piece. And
Cheryl Brewster:then from there, there's there's this progression. So
Cheryl Brewster:transformational learning is being able to look at the
Cheryl Brewster:pattern in your life record. Notice that you have been
Cheryl Brewster:spiraling up with it. And also recognizing how much further
Cheryl Brewster:along than you were like five years ago, 10 years ago, and
Cheryl Brewster:that you've accomplished and grown perhaps much more than
Cheryl Brewster:you've given yourself credit for. So take those 20 seconds of
Cheryl Brewster:letting the good in. And that gives you more space. So that in
Cheryl Brewster:the next thing it is you have to do, you're bringing the the
Cheryl Brewster:appreciation of life into it. And I think if we all did that
Cheryl Brewster:more, imagine the amount of conflict that would simply
Cheryl Brewster:dissolve, literally immediately. And that's the other part of
Cheryl Brewster:transformational learning that I like, is that it offers
Cheryl Brewster:immediate emotional relief. And as soon as we have that, then
Cheryl Brewster:the courage to do the things perhaps that we've been avoiding
Cheryl Brewster:is there, or the insight or the clarity? Makes
Susan Ney:a lot of the smoke out? Yeah. diffuses. Yeah. Yeah.
Susan Ney:If it sounds like you're starting from a different base
Susan Ney:to, you know, just the next time something comes along, then
Susan Ney:you're, as you say, building the muscle better able to handle it.
Susan Ney:And all of that is being observed by all the people in
Susan Ney:your life.
Cheryl Brewster:Yes, and you know, I got a Valentine from
Cheryl Brewster:someone today. And, you know, I have to tell you this story,
Cheryl Brewster:just quickly, I know, we're probably at a time here. But,
Cheryl Brewster:you know, she shared with me that she had been considering
Cheryl Brewster:taking her life. And she had come to one of my workshops, it
Cheryl Brewster:was the first workshop and intuition I'd ever done. And I
Cheryl Brewster:was as nervous as heck I tell you. And she told me years
Cheryl Brewster:later, you know, because there was something you said in that
Cheryl Brewster:workshop. And I realized I didn't have to make that, that
Cheryl Brewster:decision. Wow. So she sent me a Valentine. Just in, you know,
Cheryl Brewster:connection and appreciation. And and, you know, here was my
Cheryl Brewster:reflective learning from that experience was, even though I
Cheryl Brewster:felt that, you know, as my first presentation, I was nervous, I
Cheryl Brewster:could have done things differently. Just the fact that
Cheryl Brewster:I showed up, made a big change in someone's life. And I and I,
Cheryl Brewster:this recent experience of taking these courses, you know what, it
Cheryl Brewster:really brought it, it slowed me down, to remind me Cheryl, where
Cheryl Brewster:are you being too hard on yourself? Where are you trying
Cheryl Brewster:to do too much? Where are you not keeping things simple? And
Cheryl Brewster:where are you not bringing the the quality of life that you
Cheryl Brewster:really, really want to live? So I think we all need these
Cheryl Brewster:reminders. And just because someone looks happy to happy
Cheryl Brewster:doesn't mean they're not going through stuff and doesn't mean
Cheryl Brewster:you know, we are constantly growing. So let us grow with
Cheryl Brewster:hope, with optimism. And most of all, let us grow with grace.
Cheryl Brewster:Because at the end of the day, we're all doing our best. Life
Cheryl Brewster:is precious. Life was short, Let's appreciate ourselves.
Cheryl Brewster:Because then we appreciate each other. And now we can make magic
Cheryl Brewster:happen because the on the wonder of life. That's what we're all
Cheryl Brewster:here for. So to bring that into our workday.
Susan Ney:Pretty cool. Very cool. Yeah. Yeah.
Cheryl Brewster:It's like okay.
Susan Ney:And then so it just absolutely so important that we
Susan Ney:talk about this, and we share the learning and we share the
Susan Ney:tools and we talk about what we're seeing in other people and
Susan Ney:using gentle language, watching for those opportunities. And
Susan Ney:that this we do something to stop the, the potential that
Susan Ney:negativity bias has on who we are, and I've seen it take
Susan Ney:people out. And I've also watched you and you've had a
Susan Ney:number of challenges that you have presented themselves and I
Susan Ney:have watched you use these tools, so it was really cool to
Susan Ney:watch you then see this. Learn the science behind all the way
Susan Ney:you you know, I know from watching you The tools work and
Susan Ney:I know from watching you work with your clients how effective
Susan Ney:these tools are. So, so appreciate you saying yes to my
Susan Ney:request to come and talk to all of us. And me too, because I'm,
Susan Ney:I'm a lifelong learner as well, and always learning from you.
Susan Ney:And thank you to our listeners for also being interested in
Susan Ney:being transformational learners and doing something with these
Susan Ney:negative Nellies that that often get in our way and create havoc
Susan Ney:in our lives. We know we can do something about these. Cheryl,
Susan Ney:you have referenced a number of great resources, through your
Susan Ney:sharing with us, I will make sure that I get that information
Susan Ney:from Dewey and some of the other ones that you've talked about,
Susan Ney:to put on the show notes for the podcast. And yes, yes, yes, I
Susan Ney:will put your contact information, if anyone wants to
Susan Ney:get in touch with you and learn more about who you are and the
Susan Ney:incredible programs that that you offer through the intuitive
Susan Ney:life. Any last thoughts before we bring the podcast to a close?
Cheryl Brewster:Yes, I appreciate the lifelong
Cheryl Brewster:learning. And for anyone listening to this podcast. You
Cheryl Brewster:know, I think we're, we're a tribe. And one of the books
Cheryl Brewster:actually I borrowed from you on youth theory is said that, you
Cheryl Brewster:know, it only takes five committed people to change the
Cheryl Brewster:world. Just five, and each one of us have an opportunity. We
Cheryl Brewster:all have ideas. It's like what if we all created these little
Cheryl Brewster:pods of five and got together and just decided this is what's
Cheryl Brewster:important. This is what makes me you know, come alive, this is
Cheryl Brewster:what I want to do. And as lifelong learners as we just,
Cheryl Brewster:you know, support each other and and imagine what we can all do.
Cheryl Brewster:And so I would just encourage anyone out there listening to
Cheryl Brewster:this, you know, there's, there's a synchronicity of this
Cheryl Brewster:particular episode at this particular time. It's, it's
Cheryl Brewster:giving you a sign, listen.
Susan Ney:I'd love love love. Swinging voice one, I just think
Susan Ney:it's close to Valentine's Day. And yeah, it really is. It's,
Susan Ney:it's so important. And there you go the community, again, small
Susan Ney:groups and the power of working within small groups. So yeah,
Susan Ney:great, thank you that. And it is so much fun, because I've been
Susan Ney:in some of your small groups and I, and I don't want to go too
Susan Ney:far into the story. But somebody had said, Be the person that you
Susan Ney:imagine yourself to be five years from now. And then have a
Susan Ney:conversation with and you put us into a Zoom Room, as I remember
Susan Ney:to the conversation and you and I did and we had such fun. And I
Susan Ney:remember when you talked about being you know, having been
Susan Ney:written that book on resilience wasn't that fun, and you were so
Susan Ney:concerned you would never it lo look at you today. And truly
Susan Ney:being that person five years, whatever your timeframe is. And
Susan Ney:cheese, it was fun. And it felt so empowering. And we need to be
Susan Ney:having fun with this stuff. Because as you've shared with us
Susan Ney:so eloquently today, it changes the brain. And the research
Susan Ney:proves that it has its huge benefits. So Cheryl, thank you
Susan Ney:and to our listeners have some fun with this. Get those
Susan Ney:journals out, take those breaths make sure you take that time for
Susan Ney:reflection. And let us know how it goes as you deal with your
Susan Ney:own negativity biases and and nipping those in the bud before
Susan Ney:they they do further damage. It is time for us to bring this
Susan Ney:podcast to a close. Cheryl and I believe in each one of you that
Susan Ney:by using these tools, you truly will be able to soar higher
Susan Ney:because we both believe that you can. Right. I see Cheryl nodding
Susan Ney:her head because we're recording this and I can see her. It's
Susan Ney:like just believe in yourself soar high because we both
Susan Ney:believe you can. Cheryl thank you for making the time to be
Susan Ney:with with us here today. You're awesome as always. It is Cheryl
Susan Ney:and Susan signing out have a great rest of your day everyone
Susan Ney:and thanks for listening and supporting this podcast series
Susan Ney:Take care everyone
Cheryl Brewster:thank you bye
