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Pey Carter served in the United States Army and Wisconsin National Guard as a broadcast journalist. She is the author of My Body's Not Your Dartboard, an inspirational memoir about resilience, hope, and seeing past your disability to become the person you were always meant to be. Pey has over a decade of personal and professional experience working in the fields of mental health, Post-Traumatic Stress, sexual trauma and domestic abuse, invisible disabilities, and queer liberation. She is a sought-after public speaker whose message of resilience in the face of adversity has forged alliances with politicians, universities, non-profits, and congregations throughout North America.
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About the Host:
I am Saylor Cooper, Owner of Real Variety Radio and host of the Hope Without Sight Podcast. I am from the Houston, Texas area and am legally blind which is one of the main reasons why I am hosting this show surrounding this topic , to inspire others by letting them know that they can live their best life and reach their highest potential.
Website: https://realvarietyradio.com/
About the Co-host:
My name is Matthew Tyler Evans and I am from the Northeast Texas area. I am blind like Saylor is and we have the same retinal condition. I decided to join Saylor‘s podcast because I have a strong interest in teaming up with him and I think together, we can inspire the world with others with disabilities.
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Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of
Saylor Cooper:hope without sight with your host Saylor Cooper. And
Tyler Evans:this is Tyler Evans, your co host.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah, Episode 20. We figured this would be the
Saylor Cooper:last episode of the year because I mean, we're ahead of the game.
Saylor Cooper:And I know like, it's the holiday season, right? People
Saylor Cooper:are busy going to Christmas party. It's getting late for
Saylor Cooper:Christmas. And so we thought this would be episode 20. And to
Saylor Cooper:close out the year, I'd like to welcome a very special guest
Saylor Cooper:who's overcome a lot of challenges in life, including
Saylor Cooper:being a life coach, teaching people about mental health,
Saylor Cooper:sexual trauma, and so many other stuff. Please welcome pay Carter
Saylor Cooper:pay how're you doing today?
Pey Carter:Good morning. I didn't know this was the last
Pey Carter:episode of the year for the podcast. So I feel very honored.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, we we thought it'd be the
Saylor Cooper:last one because we've gotten a lot done. And like I said, it's
Saylor Cooper:a holiday season, you know, so we want to keep people Blake and
Saylor Cooper:Tyler, we want to break to you, I guess like,
Tyler Evans:yeah, we do. Yeah. And of course, we still have our
Tyler Evans:radio station. We have a radio station called real variety
Tyler Evans:radio, folks. If you want to tune in, you can download to get
Tyler Evans:me radio app, you can go to our website at listen dot real real
Tyler Evans:variety. radio.com. And we have a clubhouse called the sailor
Tyler Evans:show. We have a clubhouse club called the surf shop.
Saylor Cooper:Well, thank you for that. Yeah. Well, I'm doing
Saylor Cooper:podcast. So pay, let's get started. Tell us about yourself.
Saylor Cooper:And because it's obviously looked at your website, and very
Saylor Cooper:fond of your website, you're about to publish a memoir. So
Saylor Cooper:just just give an introduction?
Pey Carter:Sure. So hi, my name is Pey, I live in Wisconsin with
Pey Carter:my two kids and my partner, Chad. I've experienced a lot in
Pey Carter:my life. I am 36. I just turned 36 This year, and I have
Pey Carter:personal experience with military sexual trauma. I have a
Pey Carter:variety of medical issues. There's a very long list of it,
Pey Carter:as well as domestic abuse. I'm a veteran as well and part of the
Pey Carter:LGBTQ community. So I spent the last 10 years doing a lot of
Pey Carter:advocacy work, sharing my stories, and just trying to
Pey Carter:raise awareness about the communities that I belong to.
Pey Carter:I've been asked for many, many years that I should write a
Pey Carter:book. But for some reason, putting your stories on paper
Pey Carter:for other people to read is a lot more intimidating than
Pey Carter:speaking in front of people.
Saylor Cooper:Oh, yeah, for sure. So I
Pey Carter:was pleased this year to really work on it. So
Pey Carter:I'm very excited that it will be released next year. Right now I
Pey Carter:have a Kickstarter campaign that just started to help raise money
Pey Carter:for some of the costs, you can back it and get signed
Pey Carter:paperbacks, all sorts of things. So I've experienced a lot. And
Pey Carter:I'm just really happy to be here and help raise awareness and
Pey Carter:whatever way I can.
Saylor Cooper:Oh, great, wonderful, wonderful. Yeah, I
Saylor Cooper:look forward to telling us about all the experiences you've been
Saylor Cooper:through and how you've overcome a lot of challenges. So first,
Saylor Cooper:we want to thank you for celebrate. We want to thank you
Saylor Cooper:for serving in the United States military. Thank you for your
Saylor Cooper:service. Thank you. Yeah. So where did you serve?
Pey Carter:I was in South Korea. I was a broadcast
Pey Carter:journalist for the Armed Forces Network Korea. So I was
Pey Carter:initially stationed down in Daegu and then I went up to camp
Pey Carter:Youngstown, which was in Seoul. So I did everything from hosting
Pey Carter:a radio show doing radio commercials, TV commercials,
Pey Carter:shooting new stories, editing new stories, everything but
Pey Carter:anchoring the news.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah. Oh, yes. You're reliable ally, because
Saylor Cooper:that's what we wanted. We were going to broadcasting as well.
Saylor Cooper:We have a radio station. And, of course, we have a podcast of the
Saylor Cooper:Armed Forces Network. How do how do military personnel listen? Do
Saylor Cooper:they have radios or what?
Pey Carter:Yeah, so when I was stationed in Korea, that's the
Pey Carter:only you know, that's the only thing I can personally comment
Pey Carter:on. But yes, we were actually the only radio station in the
Pey Carter:whole country. That was an English. So it was really neat.
Pey Carter:It was cool. I got to go experience a lot of stuff travel
Pey Carter:around the country. It was fun.
Saylor Cooper:Oh, great. Wonderful. So I mean, I know
Saylor Cooper:it's this stuff's very sensitive. You know, you only
Saylor Cooper:have to show what you feel comfortable. So yeah,
Saylor Cooper:unfortunately, you experienced a lot of sexual trauma in the
Saylor Cooper:military. I mean, how did you deal with that afterwards?
Pey Carter:So I, I joined the military. For a few reasons. I
Pey Carter:actually grew up all over the world and then my parents
Pey Carter:decided to settle in Wisconsin, which was very difficult for
Pey Carter:Somebody that spent their formative years overseas in
Pey Carter:countries like Malaysia, things like that. And so when I was
Pey Carter:very lost as a kid trying to fit in, and when I really stuck out.
Pey Carter:And when I was about 16-17, my dad gave me this letter, my
Pey Carter:grandfather, who, on my British side, my mother's from England
Pey Carter:had died when I was young. And he handed me this letter. And
Pey Carter:inside was a 12 page letter to me, done on a typewriter, where
Pey Carter:he shared all his experiences. During World War Two, he served
Pey Carter:as a gunner for the British Army. And that was part of why I
Pey Carter:joined the military as nobody else in our whole entire family
Pey Carter:had served, I thought doing so would kind of honor his memory
Pey Carter:for me to feel more connected to him. I loved music, I really my
Pey Carter:whole life as a teenager had all that teenage angst. So my whole
Pey Carter:life, you know, revolved around music. So I was very excited to
Pey Carter:find out that I could go into army and be able to travel like
Pey Carter:I used to, and be able to, you know, do music, right interview
Pey Carter:celebrities, things like that. Fortunately, during advance into
Pey Carter:individual training, I was assaulted by somebody I
Pey Carter:considered a friend and other service members. So it was six
Pey Carter:months after my 18th birthday, five months after I graduated
Pey Carter:high school, and that kind of set the tone for the rest of my
Pey Carter:service. When I tried reporting, I was interrogated for days
Pey Carter:without any sort of console or advocate. And at the time, this
Pey Carter:is mid to late 2000s. military sexual trauma wasn't a thing
Pey Carter:that people recognized. The only people with PTSD were men that
Pey Carter:served in combat. So I, when I went to go to try to get help,
Pey Carter:because I wanted to continue to serve and honor my grandfather's
Pey Carter:memory, I was misdiagnosed as bipolar and forced on up to four
Pey Carter:medications at a time. So it was very, very difficult for me to
Pey Carter:try to manage all that and do the job and do what I wanted to
Pey Carter:do. So I was discharged. Luckily, I got an honorable
Pey Carter:discharge, which is not common for MST survivors. And it was a
Pey Carter:really big adjustment. Because I did get diagnosed with PTSD
Pey Carter:right away, that bipolar was thrown out when I started seeing
Pey Carter:a civilian doctor, but nobody had any experience with a
Pey Carter:service member or veteran that had military sexual trauma. So
Pey Carter:at the same time that I'm trying to receive care, I'm also
Pey Carter:educating therapists. So it's, it's it's very interesting. I
Pey Carter:started doing advocacy work in 2012. I don't know if you've
Pey Carter:heard of the documentary, The Invisible War.
Saylor Cooper:No, never that. Okay.
Pey Carter:It's a really great documentary about military
Pey Carter:sexual trauma. And it came out in 2012. And it just blew my
Pey Carter:mind, because I didn't know how many other people how many other
Pey Carter:victims were out there. And I had been very silent. Because
Pey Carter:when I was discharged, I was told, you know, you're not a
Pey Carter:veteran, you're an embarrassment to all the women that served
Pey Carter:before you excetera. So I didn't consider myself a veteran. I
Pey Carter:didn't know that there was other people that this had happened
Pey Carter:to. And it was just like the switch this light switch.
Pey Carter:Because I was in shock. Like, how how does society not know
Pey Carter:this is happening? How is this continuing? Like it's been going
Pey Carter:on for decades? How does nobody know? And like I said it was a
Pey Carter:switch. And a couple months later, I was in Washington, DC
Pey Carter:talking to politicians that represent Wisconsin and
Pey Carter:Minnesota trying to promote some legislation that was or bills
Pey Carter:that were being drafted to help support victims of military
Pey Carter:sexual trauma.
Saylor Cooper:Oh, wow. So now your cell they, they thought you
Saylor Cooper:have bipolar disorder when it really was PTSD. And after you
Saylor Cooper:were discharged, you began advocating for good mental
Saylor Cooper:health services, and that's great. Yeah, yeah. Me and today,
Saylor Cooper:you're a life coach. You've also you've out you also mentioned in
Saylor Cooper:your website, you've had a lot of chronic illnesses and
Saylor Cooper:disabilities, what are those?
Pey Carter:Sure. So for a long time, I had just PTSD which I
Pey Carter:don't mean just to minimize it. But that is one condition,
Pey Carter:right? That that you deal with. And back in 2017. I was in a
Pey Carter:really good place. I had all these coping skills. I had a
Pey Carter:service dog, I was hiking, I was walking I was I was managing
Pey Carter:things really well. But then I got shingles at the age of 29.
Pey Carter:And it wasn't that bad. I had two rashes about the size of
Pey Carter:half $1 coin. One was on my side or on my spine and it caused
Pey Carter:permanent damage to my autonomic system. So all of a sudden I
Pey Carter:went from being very able bodied, to physically disabled
Pey Carter:my body suddenly couldn't Didn't regulate things like heart rate
Pey Carter:and blood pressure when I changed positions. So standing
Pey Carter:up, crouching down walking for extensive periods of time
Pey Carter:standing for too long, I would get really dizzy and pass out.
Pey Carter:So I couldn't you know, a lot of people when they have anxiety or
Pey Carter:they're stressed, they do a mad cleanup of their house, right? I
Pey Carter:couldn't do that I couldn't tie my son's shoes, I couldn't go
Pey Carter:for walks, I couldn't go to the store. So it was very, very
Pey Carter:difficult during so that's a diagnosis of Postural
Pey Carter:Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, which
Saylor Cooper:is a big mouthful. Yeah, big mouthful.
Pey Carter:big mouthful. So basically, you know, saying your
Pey Carter:body doesn't regulate things when you change positions. And I
Pey Carter:have a separate diagnosis of dysautonomia, which basically
Pey Carter:means dysfunction of the autonomic system, because the
Pey Carter:shingles also damaged my internal thermostat, so my body
Pey Carter:could no longer regulate temperature. So for example, I
Pey Carter:don't sweat at all during the summer, I often don't realize
Pey Carter:when my body is overheated, same thing similar in the cold, you
Pey Carter:know, when you get too cold, your body's supposed to bring
Pey Carter:your heat to your core to protect your vital organs, mind
Pey Carter:sends them to my fingers, my toes, my legs, wherever it just
Pey Carter:feels like sending them at that moment, not where it's supposed
Pey Carter:to go. So as you can imagine, that was really really, really
Pey Carter:hard to struggle, you know, to deal with. And then during the
Pey Carter:the course of treatment for that, I found out that I have a
Pey Carter:tissue connectivity disorder called Ehlers Danlos. There's
Pey Carter:lots of subtypes of it, my daughter and I found out my
Pey Carter:daughter also has it the hypermobility type, so all of my
Pey Carter:joints from my neck down to my toes, or hope hyper mobile. I
Pey Carter:didn't know when I went into the military that I had that. So as
Pey Carter:you can imagine running on concrete during ruck marches,
Pey Carter:doing ruck marches really wrecked my lower joints, so my
Pey Carter:hips everything down. So I've had both my feet fused, for
Pey Carter:example, I have degenerative damage, and both my hips and my
Pey Carter:lower back, probably need a hip replacement in about eight to 10
Pey Carter:years. So before I'm 50, which is really nerve racking. Let's
Pey Carter:see, I also have a generalized seizure disorder fibromyalgia. I
Pey Carter:have a eating disorder called avoidance restrictive food
Pey Carter:intake disorder, which is a sensory eating disorder, nothing
Pey Carter:to do with body image or body weight, but I struggle a lot
Pey Carter:with tastes like texture of certain foods. And then a few
Pey Carter:months ago, I was diagnosed with being on autism spectrum
Pey Carter:disorder. So I have a list what
Saylor Cooper:autism spectrum disorder when you didn't even
Saylor Cooper:know it, because that's, that's what's coming out. You know,
Saylor Cooper:nowadays, many, many people who have autism of their life,
Saylor Cooper:they're just now getting diagnosed.
Pey Carter:Yeah, there, there was a lot of things that I, you
Pey Carter:know, thought I was doing masking because of my PTSD.
Pey Carter:That's where it was really like, I thought it was just part of my
Pey Carter:PTSD until I was diagnosed with the sensory eating disorder. And
Pey Carter:then I really paid attention, I started paying attention to my
Pey Carter:sensory issues, and thought, Alright, like, let me just go
Pey Carter:see if I have a sensory processing disorder. I didn't
Pey Carter:think I was on the spectrum. I thought maybe I just had a
Pey Carter:sensory processing disorder, but I am on the spectrum.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah, that's, that's part of autism,
Saylor Cooper:essentially, sensory issues. So I guess, you seem to be high
Saylor Cooper:functioning. Autism.
Pey Carter:You know, it's all a spectrum. I really, I don't like
Pey Carter:the term high functioning, to be honest, because I feel like it
Pey Carter:is negative towards people that struggle more than I do. Yeah,
Pey Carter:it's, it's on a spectrum. So yeah, but I think I think part
Pey Carter:of it too, is is that Ehlers Danlos. It's a tissue
Pey Carter:connectivity disorders. So fragile skin, poor wound
Pey Carter:healing, basically faulty collagen in the tissue and what
Pey Carter:is our body made up of? Tissue? Right. So a comorbidity between
Pey Carter:Ehlers Danlos and other conditions, practically all the
Pey Carter:ones that I have have a comorbidity with that tissue
Pey Carter:connectivity, disordering, including being on the spectrum.
Pey Carter:So
Saylor Cooper:Wow. So what caused you to have like, all of
Saylor Cooper:these physical conditions such as fibromyalgia, the shingles
Saylor Cooper:and all that?
Pey Carter:Well, I was I was still part of the generation
Pey Carter:where they had the chickenpox parties. There wasn't a
Pey Carter:vaccination for chickenpox at that time. So I was part of the
Pey Carter:chickenpox parties if I'm not sure if you knew if you know
Pey Carter:what that is. Yeah, yeah. So that's why I was you know, I was
Pey Carter:I could get shingles. I think I got it traveling is what my
Pey Carter:doctor and I thought, but it just caused that permanent
Pey Carter:damage. We think that the Ehlers Danlos It was kind of set me up.
Pey Carter:And then it was just this shingles that triggered it. So
Pey Carter:that's probably the baseline of how I got it. And then it's just
Pey Carter:as you go on, you know, you just figure doctors figure out,
Pey Carter:figure out what your health issues are a lot of them are
Pey Carter:pretty considered rare or uncommon, I would say that my
Pey Carter:fibromyalgia was triggered because I was in a abusive
Pey Carter:situation. So stress, stress, really? Yep, stress can really
Pey Carter:trigger it. And now that I've been out of that situation for
Pey Carter:quite a few years, I only have flareups when I'm very, very
Pey Carter:stressed. So yeah, because
Saylor Cooper:you've also had even through domestic situation
Saylor Cooper:as well, gosh, you even them to divorce and honestly, I don't, I
Saylor Cooper:don't like divorce. It's not good. I mean, a marriage is, is
Saylor Cooper:there for a reason to last for a lifetime. But at the same time,
Saylor Cooper:I do understand that, you know, people should never stay in a
Saylor Cooper:marriage that's completely unhealthy. And that's damaging.
Saylor Cooper:So, you know, in the end, if that's it, divorces was fast.
Saylor Cooper:It's fast. And that's why you know, way I see it a couple
Saylor Cooper:should not get married fast. They should know, who they're
Saylor Cooper:marrying beforehand, you know? Yeah, yeah. And so, um, so like,
Saylor Cooper:how did you ever come? Like, have you ever hardships like
Saylor Cooper:divorce? And have you ever have you ever hardships you've
Saylor Cooper:mentioned?
Pey Carter:Well, when you are suddenly stricken with a
Pey Carter:diagnosis that completely changes your life, right? Like I
Pey Carter:said, PTSD is mental, right? It doesn't affect you generally,
Pey Carter:physically. So all the like I said, all the coping mechanisms
Pey Carter:went out the window, my service dog, even that I had had to go
Pey Carter:to another veteran, because I couldn't even regulate myself,
Pey Carter:let alone, you know, give commands to a dog that went
Pey Carter:everywhere with me. So I was I was in a very dark place for a
Pey Carter:long time, because I wanted to be the person that I was before.
Pey Carter:For I got sick. So I wanted to try all the medications, all the
Pey Carter:alternative treatments, all the Eastern medicine, and every time
Pey Carter:that one of those didn't work, I would just sink lower and lower
Pey Carter:and lower. And when you're too when you're in a relationship
Pey Carter:that says, you know that your appointments are a hindrance, or
Pey Carter:you're faking it, trying to ride the system, because I have 100%
Pey Carter:disability rating from the VA. So I have compensation for that.
Pey Carter:So try say, Oh, you're writing the system, or, you know, it
Pey Carter:wouldn't be that bad if you just did this. And so that, like just
Pey Carter:added to it. But at some point, you know, especially when I got
Pey Carter:out of that situation, and I was in a lot of therapy, you know, I
Pey Carter:realized to better take care of myself to be a better parent,
Pey Carter:for my kids to be a better daughter to be a better friend,
Pey Carter:I really needed to start paying attention and taking care of
Pey Carter:myself. So what does that mean? What are my body? Excuse me, my
Pey Carter:body limitations, right? Do I need to try to force myself to
Pey Carter:go hiking because I really miss hiking where I'm gonna get sick
Pey Carter:for days and pass out? Or do I realize, okay, I can do a walk
Pey Carter:early in the morning for this amount of time or this distance.
Pey Carter:And I think too, one of the big things that my body has taught
Pey Carter:me is really just to slow down and listen. Yeah, you just
Pey Carter:everybody. Yeah, we're in this capitalistic society, right?
Pey Carter:Where people are expected to work themselves to the bone,
Pey Carter:right, that productivity equals the worth of somebody. And I
Pey Carter:think if you right that's doing that, at some point, their
Pey Carter:body's telling them hey, this is too much, right? You need to
Pey Carter:self care you need to slow down whether it's you know, getting
Pey Carter:headaches or or whatever it is, right, your body is telling you,
Pey Carter:Hey, slow down, you're overworking yourself and being
Pey Carter:forced to do that right? It's it's it's changing. It's like
Pey Carter:wow, all right, this is how I'm reacting to this. This is what
Pey Carter:my body is telling me I need to do this. Yeah. Yeah. And and
Pey Carter:realizing to within that within the therapy and all these
Pey Carter:realizations that my worth isn't doesn't equal my productivity,
Pey Carter:right. I don't have to be out working a full time job, making
Pey Carter:my health worse, right, because it's already having medical
Pey Carter:issues then to try to fix for myself to work a job where I'm
Pey Carter:masking where I'm getting dizzy or whatever, is, is really
Pey Carter:stressful. And so understanding that understanding that I'm not
Pey Carter:broken, that I am worthy of love that I am a great parent, even
Pey Carter:if I have all these medical, you know, medical issues, even if
Pey Carter:they do limit me in ways that sometimes are very frustrating,
Pey Carter:I have the tools that I need to navigate that,
Saylor Cooper:yes, and you don't, don't put so many demands
Saylor Cooper:on yourself, especially demands that society gives you just do
Saylor Cooper:what you can to get back.
Pey Carter:And that looks that looks like so many so many
Pey Carter:things, right? You don't have to be working a job, no, in order
Pey Carter:to unity. And so my way, my way of doing that is by speaking by
Pey Carter:writing this book, by doing this podcast is getting out there and
Pey Carter:helping people to understand what it's what the challenges
Pey Carter:are for different communities. Now, I was just gonna say
Pey Carter:quickly, like, for me, I don't look disabled, right? Young, all
Pey Carter:of all my conditions that affect me physically, are invisible.
Pey Carter:And that's very challenging for people to understand. So going
Pey Carter:out there and say, like, Hey, I have disability plates, because
Pey Carter:my body can't regulate temperature going from an air
Pey Carter:conditioned car into the lovely humidity and high 90s that we
Pey Carter:find ourselves in, in the summer in the Midwest, and then into an
Pey Carter:air conditioned store, I get really dizzy, I'm at a risk of
Pey Carter:passing out having heatstroke, etc. and saying, Hey, disability
Pey Carter:plates, for example, aren't just for people that have trouble
Pey Carter:walking or elderly people. Like there's so many reasons why
Pey Carter:somebody can have disability plates.
Saylor Cooper:Because yeah, because they're these
Saylor Cooper:disabilities out there that aren't this rolling like a lot
Saylor Cooper:of people won't believe it, because it's not obvious. Right
Saylor Cooper:away. And so yeah, well, you're writing a book, and I see you
Saylor Cooper:have a master's degree and a bachelor's degrees. Well,
Pey Carter:yes, I do.
Saylor Cooper:And you're completing another degree by
Saylor Cooper:2025.
Pey Carter:I've I've temporarily withdrawn for that,
Pey Carter:just so I could focus on my book. But yeah, so I've been
Pey Carter:working on a doctoral program as well.
Saylor Cooper:Now, is your book out yet? Or is it going to come
Saylor Cooper:out soon?
Pey Carter:It's going to come out about May 2023. Oh, awesome.
Pey Carter:So it's done. It's done the Kickstarter campaign, is to help
Pey Carter:just finish up with editorial costs, publishing costs. If you
Pey Carter:go through a traditional publisher, which I didn't want
Pey Carter:to do, they actually get the rights of your book. And you get
Pey Carter:a very small percentage of the royalties. So I am wanting to
Pey Carter:say I'm working with an indie publisher, so that I can
Pey Carter:maintain all my royalties for my for my book and have the rights
Pey Carter:to it. So
Saylor Cooper:and your book is about how to find purpose in
Saylor Cooper:life. Correct.
Pey Carter:So it is my memoir journaling, sharing my journey
Pey Carter:of what it was like going from able bodied to disabled. How I
Pey Carter:struggled with that, and then the lessons that my body taught
Pey Carter:me.
Saylor Cooper:Wow, beautiful, wonderful, and that will be able
Saylor Cooper:to find your book on Amazon, audible all that. But the truth
Saylor Cooper:is, right,
Pey Carter:right. Yeah. And you can go to you can go to
Pey Carter:Kickstarter right now and find out more information, just the
Pey Carter:name of my book. So the name of my book is my body's natural
Pey Carter:dartboard. So you can go to Kickstarter, for example, and
Pey Carter:search for that, and you'll get all the information.
Saylor Cooper:Wow. Wonderful, wonderful. And so besides your
Saylor Cooper:book, what are your future goals? I know you want to
Saylor Cooper:inspire the world, right? But other than that, what are your
Saylor Cooper:main future goals in life?
Pey Carter:I would love to so a couple of years ago, I did a
Pey Carter:storytelling Theater Project where I connect where I
Pey Carter:collected stories of military sexual trauma from all around
Pey Carter:the country from people of different ages, different
Pey Carter:situations. And I put it into a theater project that was
Pey Carter:performed in Wisconsin and Calif it's called speaking out why
Pey Carter:stand? I would love to win my goals after I get done with this
Pey Carter:book is to do a similar thing with people with disabilities
Pey Carter:and put that into a book. So collaboration, a shared book
Pey Carter:with yours from different people.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah, and maybe Tyler and I can be a part of
Saylor Cooper:your book and vice versa because Ty will tell tell our guests
Saylor Cooper:what we're doing.
Saylor Cooper:Hello, Tyler, are you there? I think he's he probably left.
Saylor Cooper:Yesterday, you're here Tyler, Tell Tell, tell our guests what
Saylor Cooper:we're doing together. We write in the book,
Tyler Evans:memoir, a memoir, actually. We're basically going
Tyler Evans:to talk about our lives about how, you know, we've overcome,
Tyler Evans:you know, adverse circumstances similar to what we're doing with
Tyler Evans:our podcast. Except we're doing it in writing form. Yeah.
Tyler Evans:Because basically, basically what we want to do, you know,
Tyler Evans:along with our podcasts, we want to inspire others through our
Tyler Evans:writing as well.
Saylor Cooper:That's right. Because yeah, both me and Tyler.
Saylor Cooper:We're like, almost brothers together. We're both blind. And
Saylor Cooper:we have very similar interest. And we're on this journey
Saylor Cooper:together, right?
Tyler Evans:Yes, we are. And to me, it's not about you know, the
Tyler Evans:money or anything like that. You know, that that'll probably come
Tyler Evans:in the future. But it's about inspiration. It's about doing
Tyler Evans:what you love. Exactly. See that. That's the key. Like, if
Tyler Evans:you don't love what you do, it's not a career. It's just another
Tyler Evans:job. But if you love it, and you put your mind to it, it becomes
Tyler Evans:your career. And not only a career, a hobby, that is a life.
Tyler Evans:It's not only a hobby, either. It's a lifestyle.
Saylor Cooper:It's a lot. Yeah, yeah.
Pey Carter:Yeah, it does. Yeah, that's how I feel about my
Pey Carter:advocacy work. You know, but I consider it a privilege that I
Pey Carter:am able to do. So I know that there's a lot of people with
Pey Carter:disabilities with military sexual trauma that don't have a
Pey Carter:rating or STI and can't do so. So I love going and talking to
Pey Carter:people and spreading awareness. And every time I do it doesn't
Pey Carter:matter what topic it's about. I always have somebody coming up
Pey Carter:to me afterwards, you know, saying thank you. I thought I
Pey Carter:was alone. I haven't met anybody else that, you know, is
Pey Carter:experiencing this, or I haven't thought about talking about it
Pey Carter:to other people, because I didn't think that they would
Pey Carter:understand. And yeah, that's what I just feel like my purpose
Pey Carter:is and I will I will go places and I see an accommodation
Pey Carter:issue, I will raise it. I cannot keep my mouth shut like, hey,
Pey Carter:this button doesn't work, or hey, you've got somebody kicking
Pey Carter:the door opener like?
Tyler Evans:Yeah. Oh,
Saylor Cooper:yeah. There you go. Well,
Tyler Evans:so the question was, what's your service dog
Tyler Evans:used for? Is it for emotional support? Is it because I don't
Tyler Evans:think you're blind? Are you?
Pey Carter:No, no, I'm not. And I no longer have my service dog.
Pey Carter:But it's so an emotional support animal is basically it's it's
Pey Carter:not an animal that's trained. It's it's for housing, if you're
Pey Carter:want to live in a place that doesn't allow pets and say you
Pey Carter:have some sort of chronic illness, mental health and
Pey Carter:having a pet because a pet can do a lot for a person
Pey Carter:emotionally. Right? So an emotional support animal is is
Pey Carter:just an animal that you can have in the house that provides
Pey Carter:emotional support. So a service dog is a trained dog that has
Pey Carter:tasks to help navigate a person's disability, right? So
Pey Carter:you can have mental health service dogs. My dog, for
Pey Carter:example, would, let's see, what's a couple of commands that
Pey Carter:he had. It's been seven years since I had him and had to let
Pey Carter:him go. But he would do block where he would stand in front of
Pey Carter:me, because everybody has a different idea of what personal
Pey Carter:space is. And when you have social anxiety or PTSD, you
Pey Carter:don't want people getting too close. So for example, he would
Pey Carter:stand in front of me, so I would have that space. I had a lot of
Pey Carter:hyper vigilance. And so I he had a command where he would be at
Pey Carter:my side facing the other direction, and he would let me
Pey Carter:know if somebody was coming up behind me so I could allow
Pey Carter:myself more space. He was also trained to help me find exits if
Pey Carter:I was having an anxiety attack. So yeah, so Moe is a service
Pey Carter:dog. He was great.
Tyler Evans:Oh, wow. So So you had to give up your service dog?
Pey Carter:Yeah, unfortunately, when I got the shingles and I
Pey Carter:got really sick because I couldn't, you know, dogs are
Pey Carter:great. Like train service dogs, we have to be able to give them
Pey Carter:a command and you have to not only be able to give them a
Pey Carter:command, but service dogs aren't robots, right. They are are
Pey Carter:still going to mess up sometimes or get a little distracted and
Pey Carter:if you get Have an inch, they'll take a mile, right. And so when
Pey Carter:you can't, when you're getting dizzy standing up, when you're,
Pey Carter:you know, crouching down, you're dizzy all the time in public,
Pey Carter:you can't give a dog commands one when you should be right on
Pey Carter:time when you need to. And if they're, you know, doing
Pey Carter:something that they shouldn't be. So say, for example, he's
Pey Carter:supposed to sit right next to me or walk and he'll right walk
Pey Carter:right next to me. And if he's getting a bit too far ahead, or
Pey Carter:a bit far behind, like, I can't, I couldn't, you know, stop him.
Pey Carter:I couldn't give him the commands because I was, I was so focused
Pey Carter:on making sure I didn't pass out or, you know, so he did get
Pey Carter:placed with another veteran. He, he loved working. Anytime I got
Pey Carter:his vest out, he was so happy and ready to go. And I didn't
Pey Carter:have the heart to turn them into a family dog. I just, I didn't
Pey Carter:have the heart to do so. So he was placed with another veteran,
Pey Carter:I was able to help kind of with that transition. So it was
Pey Carter:really good. It was hard. But it was the best decision that I
Pey Carter:that I could make at the time.
Saylor Cooper:Yeah. And now of course, you have two kids, it
Saylor Cooper:seems to be you've been able to, even though you've, uh, you've
Saylor Cooper:had a lot of these challenges, you've been able to raise two
Saylor Cooper:kids successfully, which is awesome. Wonderful.
Tyler Evans:One sec, folks. Yeah.
Pey Carter:Are you on your show?
Saylor Cooper:Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. So yeah, you've been able
Saylor Cooper:to raise two kids successfully, which is wonderful.
Pey Carter:Well, and I think too, you know, having
Pey Carter:disabilities, it gives me a different perspective than I had
Pey Carter:before. You know, I see the world differently. Because I was
Pey Carter:one of those people just, you know, we're taught as a society.
Pey Carter:And sometimes you know, how our parents raise you that
Pey Carter:disabilities are something you could see. Right, right. There's
Pey Carter:something you could see, something I talk about in my
Pey Carter:book, too, is, you know, I was part of that where it was, you
Pey Carter:know, you see somebody that was disabled, and it's, you know,
Pey Carter:you'd have your parents say, don't look Don't stare, right.
Pey Carter:And so, it's not even encouraged to do a smile or wave, it's to
Pey Carter:completely like, ignore their existence, which carries over
Pey Carter:into adulthood. When I was doing, I was I was doing an
Pey Carter:interactive workshop on disabilities. And I had a woman
Pey Carter:say to me that she wishes she wished that all disabled people
Pey Carter:when she was out in public could just be in a corner. So she
Pey Carter:could pretend they didn't exist, because looking at the made her
Pey Carter:uncomfortable. And so well, realizing, no, and, you know,
Pey Carter:it's, it's, that's what I found that it comes down to like
Pey Carter:ableism and ableist language, it comes down to fear, right? One
Pey Carter:disability is a biological fact. And that is very scary for some
Pey Carter:people. Right? Very scary. And then just also, not having any
Pey Carter:experience with disabled people what it means to be disabled,
Pey Carter:what that is, like, you know, so even so with my kids, my
Pey Carter:daughter has the same tissue connectivity disorder as I do,
Pey Carter:but it's not a disability for her. And a lot of what we are
Pey Carter:doing is preventative care, so that she doesn't, for example,
Pey Carter:go into the military and have like I was having my first foot
Pey Carter:fused at the age of 21. Right and needing a double hip
Pey Carter:replacement in 10 years. I want to try to prevent that for as
Pey Carter:long as possible. And so being able to go into her schools and
Pey Carter:educate other elementary kids on disabilities and what that looks
Pey Carter:like. I'm glad that I have that opportunity that I see the world
Pey Carter:differently. And I currently eat that to my kids.
Saylor Cooper:Wonderful. And now do you use a wheelchair now
Saylor Cooper:or can you walk
Pey Carter:so I have a walker and I have a wheelchair I tend
Pey Carter:to use my walker more in the summer so it's one that has a
Pey Carter:seat. So it's not because say I have trouble walking but so that
Pey Carter:I have a seat if I get dizzy because walking down the aisle
Pey Carter:and target for example, right, there's no chairs. And so during
Pey Carter:the summer, which is when my pots and my dysautonomia is very
Pey Carter:exasperated because of the heat and the humidity, I tend to use
Pey Carter:a walker and then I if it's really bad, I use a wheelchair
Pey Carter:but then also with my joints if I'm in a lot of pain, I use a
Pey Carter:wheelchair because I would prefer not to have a double hip
Pey Carter:replacement for as long as prevent that for as long as
Pey Carter:possible. So to help slow down the wear and tear on my joint, I
Pey Carter:will use my wheelchair.
Saylor Cooper:Wow. Now how do you know like when to go inside
Saylor Cooper:if it's too hot or too cold since your body can't regulate
Saylor Cooper:temperature.
Pey Carter:So one is you know, paying attention to The Weather
Pey Carter:Channel right and what the temperature is, and then looking
Pey Carter:at what we're wanting to do. So for example, in winter two,
Pey Carter:there's a lot of times where I can't go sledding with my kids,
Pey Carter:because it is too cold, I can do it on Sundays, I can't do it on
Pey Carter:others. Same with, you know, walking through holiday like
Pey Carter:displays, like, I tend to find ones that I can drive through or
Pey Carter:are more accessible. But yeah, just paying attention to you
Pey Carter:know, what, what we're doing, what the temperature is, like, I
Pey Carter:also go off of what other people's bodies are doing. So if
Pey Carter:I'm with someone and their faces getting really flushed, or
Pey Carter:they're sweating, that is a big cue. I give my friends, my
Pey Carter:partner, even my kids the permission to get very just
Pey Carter:because I get so stubborn because I'll feel okay, right,
Pey Carter:I'm out there, and I generally feel fine. So I give them
Pey Carter:permission to really push hey, you need to drink like Gatorade
Pey Carter:or something with you know, water, you know, your You look
Pey Carter:like you're getting hot. And so I give them permission to get
Pey Carter:really kind of forceful with it. Because I'll be like, Oh, fine,
Pey Carter:you know, it's on good. And then the next day, it's a whole lot
Pey Carter:of problems. So
Saylor Cooper:yeah, it's a balance. It's
Pey Carter:really tricky to it's really tricky.
Saylor Cooper:Yes, yeah. Yeah. And have you ever also the work
Saylor Cooper:I like that you're doing as well as you're, you're fighting
Saylor Cooper:against the US education system? I think I saw on your website,
Saylor Cooper:which is this not the best, as you know,
Pey Carter:I Well, I, as a student, I've had to educate
Pey Carter:professors on my accommodations, even with my ADA accommodations,
Pey Carter:I have professors that really push against it, because they're
Pey Carter:used to people that are blind people that are deaf people that
Pey Carter:have a learning disability, right. They're not used to
Pey Carter:people that need accommodations for other medical issues,
Pey Carter:especially, you know, if you're neurodivergent. And so, during
Pey Carter:my, my master's especially, I had to really advocate for
Pey Carter:myself. And then the neat thing was, when I was in my last year,
Pey Carter:I had incoming students who found out about me who have
Pey Carter:medical issues and accommodations, and were coming
Pey Carter:to me for mentorship, which was, which was really, really neat. I
Pey Carter:didn't even know until I was in my undergraduate program. And I
Pey Carter:started having seizures in my sleep, but we didn't know what
Pey Carter:it was, I was just very fatigued during the day, which makes it
Pey Carter:really hard to go to class to concentrate to turn things in.
Pey Carter:And I was connected with Disability Services. And at the
Pey Carter:time, I didn't know that, you know, you could use Disability
Pey Carter:Services for other medical issues than what I just
Pey Carter:mentioned a couple of minutes ago, right. And so it was very
Pey Carter:eye opening to me. And my my advisor, there was the one that
Pey Carter:really taught me how to advocate for myself. So that's, that's
Pey Carter:what I just carried over for the rest of my, you know, life to
Pey Carter:where I am today is because that advisor helped me advocate for
Pey Carter:myself within the education system. So,
Saylor Cooper:yeah, so yeah, that's what it's all about. You
Saylor Cooper:just have to advocate and fight for what you need. Now, do you
Saylor Cooper:have a podcast yourself? Or not yet?
Pey Carter:No, I don't I did for a little while, but it's a
Pey Carter:lot of work. It is a lot of work. It is a lot of work. And
Pey Carter:when you have some other things that need to take, you know,
Pey Carter:that need to be prepared to prioritize. That's, that's what
Pey Carter:that's what I did. But I love being on shows, and I probably
Pey Carter:will in the future because I miss being on radio radio is so
Pey Carter:much fun.
Saylor Cooper:Yes, it is. Fun. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know you. I
Saylor Cooper:know you're limited on time. So I want to, of course, get to
Saylor Cooper:closing remarks. But first, do you have anything else to share?
Saylor Cooper:I think
Pey Carter:we've covered a lot of things. Um, you know, just
Pey Carter:remember for the people listening, that no matter where
Pey Carter:you are in your life, you're not, you're not broken. One
Pey Carter:thing that just came to me a couple of months ago that I
Pey Carter:really realized is even if even if I wasn't assaulted, even if
Pey Carter:you know, I didn't have my medical conditions, I would
Pey Carter:still be a different person than what I was a year ago, five
Pey Carter:years ago, 10 years ago, like we're always, always changing,
Pey Carter:right? I don't think anybody's in their 30s It was the same
Pey Carter:like the same person they were in their 20s or as a teenager.
Pey Carter:So I think that's really just important to point out is we're
Pey Carter:always changing, we're evolving and no matter what you're going
Pey Carter:through, that doesn't mean that you are less worthy of love or
Pey Carter:healthy relationships with other people, whether it's family,
Pey Carter:friends, and self care isn't selfish, too. It really isn't.
Saylor Cooper:Exactly. Yeah. Well, that's a good message as
Saylor Cooper:well. So and if you have anything else, before we do our
Saylor Cooper:customary wrap up, Tyler, do you have any other questions?
Tyler Evans:Yeah. You know, if you ever want, you're more than
Tyler Evans:happy to be. What do you call that? A contributor to talk
Tyler Evans:podcasts from time to time, if you want?
Pey Carter:Oh, that would be wonderful. Yeah, I have a lot of
Pey Carter:so I can talk about
Saylor Cooper:the process of developing monetization
Saylor Cooper:strategies and affiliate programs. And so Oh, cool. Yeah,
Saylor Cooper:I would love to, we love to continue working with you and
Saylor Cooper:all our guests, and see how we can change the world together.
Saylor Cooper:So
Tyler Evans:we have a radio station test. So you can be a
Tyler Evans:part of that, too.
Saylor Cooper:We overlay radio. That's right. Yeah. So.
Tyler Evans:So yeah, I think we are good.
Saylor Cooper:So Tyler, let's ask this question together. You
Saylor Cooper:know what it is? So we ask all the guests, okay. So Tyler,
Saylor Cooper:let's try and say it simultaneously. Okay, so what
Saylor Cooper:advice?
Tyler Evans:What advice would you give to anybody? Anyone who
Tyler Evans:is struggling? who struggle? who fails? who have no hope? Yeah.
Pey Carter:Hope is there even even when it seems like it's so
Pey Carter:far and that light is dim? You can you can get there look for
Pey Carter:it. You know, I talked about in my book about how sometimes when
Pey Carter:you're just faced with adversity, whatever it is, it
Pey Carter:doesn't have to be something big. It is so easy to just kind
Pey Carter:of crawl under the covers, pretend the world doesn't exist
Pey Carter:and get into that hole. But there is hope there is light, it
Pey Carter:is possible. It's it's not going to be that way for forever.
Pey Carter:You're not going to be in this dark place forever.
Saylor Cooper:That's right. That's right. And no, because
Saylor Cooper:it's never too late to accomplish what you want in
Saylor Cooper:life.
Pey Carter:It may look differently than what you
Pey Carter:thought it would. But yeah, yes,
Saylor Cooper:yes, exactly. Well, hey, thanks so much for
Saylor Cooper:being on the hook without sites. Your stories. Everybody when
Saylor Cooper:when her book comes out, please get it everywhere you get books.
Saylor Cooper:And what's it called again? For the guest?
Pey Carter:My body is not your dartboard.
Saylor Cooper:Oh yeah. My body is not your dartboard. Great.
Saylor Cooper:Well, everybody Yeah, give it up for Pey Carter, everybody,
