How Talk Can Save a Life with Julie McLean

Hello, everybody, welcome to another episode of Hope Without Sight with you how Saylor Cooper and

this is Tyler Evans

isn't a podcast where we feature stories of people who had challenges in life, and who overcome them to provide inspiration and help. On this episode, we have a very special lady. And we met at speakers Playhouse and the speaker's Playhouse live. She is an entrepreneur, a speaker, a coach, but most importantly, a mental health advocate. Because we need people like this in this world, we need to get rid of the stigma of mental health, because mental health can be treated just as easy as any other health condition. She's been struggling with mental health since she was 16 years old, not feeling worthy of herself, having negative self talk, but despite this, she has come out on top, and it's helping others. Please welcome Julie McLean. Julie, thank you for being on hopefully outside today.

Oh, thank you so much for having me Saylor. And Tyler, I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to talk about this. It's such an important subject

is cuz I don't I don't have chronic mental health issues myself. But I'm, sadly my sister does that the good news is she's getting it under control as well. And, you know, that's why I'm glad you're here. Because, again, like I said, we all need to be ashamed about mental health.

No, not at all. As a matter of fact, just because you don't have chronic mental health issues, doesn't mean you don't have mental health issues. We all have to deal with mental health. Absolutely. But only some of us deal with mental illness. Mental Yes, exactly. information between the two of them. And there's an equal stigma on both sides.

Yeah, mental health and mental illness. The those terms are different because mental health, such as normal anxiety, due to environmental changes, you know, events that happen, it's quite normal, you can just manage it, but a mental illness is a disease. It's disrupting your daily life significantly. And I think that's where we need to shed more light on and let people know that it's okay.

Absolutely, absolutely. You know, I've been dealing with mental illness for almost 40 years. And it's a daily struggle for me, usually, on a day that goes by that I'm not thinking about not being on this earth. And I had to learn how to cope with that and deal with that. And make sure that I remained on this earth because there were multiple times where I couldn't cope. And I couldn't deal with it. And I wanted to take my own life.

That's right. You mentioned in your bio, your first attempt, even wanting to take your life that you even want to watch other than commit suicide since 16. And I'm glad you're still here. Well, thank

you. And I want to I want to offer you some knowledge, if I may. We don't talk about committing suicide, we talk about dying by suicide. It's that they've changed the terminology for some reason, and it's a more succinct way to describe what people are doing. So everybody out there when you're talking about somebody dying, and they've taken their own life, they've died by suicide, not committed suicide,

because it makes sense, you know,

yeah, but it's still the same thing.

It is, but I think die by suicide is you know, you commit acts, I'm, you know, that Avery and stuff you're committing, but you're dying by suicide. So so that that's that's where the differentiation comes through.

Right.

So what what do you want to know about suicide and Mental health, I can tell you my whole story if you want me to give you some statistics, if you want,

Let's started out, let's start out with you whole story. And you can give us some statistics. And sure, some helpful advice to our audience who's who's in crisis, because, again, we this, this, this does not need to be swept under the rug. Right can be, it can be very difficult to talk about suicide, because, you know, I love one may think that someone's going to actually do it if they ask the hard questions, but I've been told it may say, it may save a person's life, it may.

So like you said, I was 16 The first time I thought about taking my own life. And I was fortunate that I was able to overcome that. And before it happened, I thought about my family, and said, Okay, no, I can't do this. And then when I was 23, I had a three year old son. And I came really close, I took a bottle of pills, then a bottle of alcohol and put them all together. And I was really close. But then I realized, you know, what am I doing, I have a three year old, I need to be able to raise him and watch him become the man that he's become today. And then my most recent attempt was in 2019, I was in a lot of physical pain, I was in a lot of emotional pain. And my husband came home one day, and I was crying. And I couldn't stop crying. And I told him that I was going to lead him. And the way our relationship is, that was not an acceptable answer for him. Right? And so he asked me the three most important questions in my life. And the first one was, are you okay? And all I did was shake my head. Referring to No, I was not okay. If I had said, Yes, I was okay. He would have pushed the subject because he knew I was not okay. And then he asked me if I wanted to hurt myself. And again, I nodded my head with affirmation, yes, I wanted to hurt myself. And then the most important question was, Do you have a plan? And people don't think about that. Because it's one thing, if you're thinking about hurting yourself, it's another thing if you have.

Right, exactly.

Important that, you know, if you're playing is imminent, the person that is speaking to you needs to make sure that they're getting you the help that you need. And that's exactly what my husband did. He never left by side that night, he got me into see a therapist the next day. And that therapist sat for 45 minutes asking me if I wanted help. And all I could do was nod my head, I physically couldn't speak, because I was so deep into that depression and so deep into that mindset. And she told me that she can't accept me just nodding my head saying I wanted help. I had to physically say it, which it's crazy that I would have to physically say I needed help. She even said that, you know, if I was having a heart attack, she wouldn't have to ask me if I needed help, she would have just called 911. But because it was a mental health crisis, I needed to affirm that I knew I wanted help. So finally, after 45 minutes, I was able to get the word yes, out of my mouth. And she hooked me up with a local facility and got me into a program that was an intensive outpatient program. I was terrified to go into an inpatient program. I had checked myself into a hospital after, you know, some trauma, a while back. And it was the most horrific five days of my life. And I couldn't wait to get out. You know, I was willing to say and do anything to get out of that situation because it was so bad. But I got into this intensive outpatient program. And for the first three days, I looked down, I had long bangs, so my bangs covered my face. I had no idea what anybody looked like, and nobody had any idea what I looked like or sounded like, because I wouldn't talk. Wow. But I sat and I listened. I listened to all the other people in the room, who came from all different walks of life, all different ethnicities, all different religions, talking to about their challenges. And so finally, after three days, I thought, You know what, maybe I should start doing this. And I did, I started talking. And I felt good. I felt better, because I was talking about it.

Yes, help saves lives, oh my

god, could it ever and talk did save my life. So as this was in May of 2019. And I had a big conference to go to in May of 2019. And I was scared to death, I wasn't going to go. But it was important for me. So I talked to my friends who I knew were going to the conference as well. And I said to them, Listen, this is what happened to me. This is what I'm going through. I am scared to death to go to this conference, and I need your help. If you see me overwhelmed, or just not looking good, I need you to take me by the hand and just walk me away from whatever situation I'm in. And they were so grateful that I told them, because they just wanted to help. And I mean, being scared to death to talk to people about my own mental health. It was like, these people are just loving on me, and wanting to do everything they can to make sure that I was okay.

Well, now let's go back briefly, what causes you to have a physical and emotional pain in 2019? If you don't mind me?

Oh no I don't mind telling you at all. First of all, it was physical. So I was misdiagnosed as a child with an illness that I was getting treatment for, which deteriorated my joints. So my knees and my back had deterioration. So I've recently had two knee surgeries, I had both my knees replaced recently. So I don't have pain from that anymore, and I'm getting treatment for my back. So I don't have pain from that anymore. And then, you know, starting the beginning of the year, in 2019, I was I was competing with my speaking, and something happens that I could not compete anymore, because I needed to support my husband with something which was fine, you know, but it's still weighed heavy on me. And then something else happened that really threw me for a loop that I don't want to get into. I've put that all behind me now. So so that that got me, I went to a long conference, that was a day too long, I do get terrible anxiety. And when I'm around people I don't know. It's it's really tough for me, sometimes I rather be on a stage talking to people than one on one talking to people. And then it just all culminated in the end of April, with a very dear friend of mine passing away,

under said, when

The icing on the cake, it was just one thing after another after another after another, that mentally weighed me down. And I just I couldn't cope with it anymore. You know, knowing that I'm dealing with mental health issues all my life, you know, this was just too much and too short of a period of time and didn't give me the opportunity to be able to deal with it appropriately. So that all led to my crisis, in May of

me, it just all added up.

Is it just all added up. And that's how it could happen sometimes that sometimes it could be you know, something one thing after another after another and something it could be right now. But you don't have to have a mental illness to contemplate taking your own life. I had a cousin who did not have a mental illness, but he had one thing after another after another happening to him. And in that split second, he made the decision that he didn't want to be here anymore. And he's not. He's overwhelmed. He Yes. And he did take his own life. And it was a horrible experience for my entire family. And, you know, it just goes to show you never know what's going on in somebody's life and you never know what somebody's feeling. In hindsight. I learned that there were a couple of things going on in his life. He was a firefighter and he was on he was dealing with a house fire that day, which is very true. attic. Oh yeah, firefighters firefighters have it really tough.

It's a dangerous job, especially when they when they go in and five post fires and they find, yeah.

family full of them. My son was a firefighter, my cousin who passes a firefighter. my other cousin was a firefighter. And I currently have three nephews in the fire department and one of them actually works for the FDNY, the New York Fire Department. So he's an EMT in the fire department now, but he also volunteers as a firefighter in New Jersey. So I got a whole house full of them, well, whole family full of them. But, but going back to that, you know, he was at this fire, and firefighters usually sit in debrief afterwards because their adrenaline is flowing. And they have to calm down. Oh, yeah. And he decided not to stay at that debrief. And his girlfriend broke up with him and something else was happening, and another thing was happening. And all this just culminated one day into saying, I can't deal with this. And, and he took his life. It was heartbreaking. It still is heartbreaking for my entire family. Yeah. And then for me to go and have my crisis in 2020, or 2019. I really, but you, oh, wait, I got even a better one for that. Yes. For me to take my life in 2019 would have been horrific for my family. And that's what made me realize I have to do something to work on this. So in 2020, I had committed myself for the first three months of the year, to isolate myself and to teach myself how I read a book, that talk and how to change it by Shad Helmstetter book changed my life, absolutely changed my life, realizing that I had all this negative self talk in me from growing up, then I needed to change that. And then I taught myself how to meditate so I can calm my mind. I taught myself affirmations that picked me up, you know, I am affirmation. So instead of telling you that, oh, I'm a horrible person, or I'm not good enough, I do the I am, I am good enough. I am a fantastic person. So I did all of that. And I dabbled into aromatherapy and crystal healing therapy. And all of that put together really helped me learn what I had to do to try and strengthen my mental health from what it was. And then COVID hit.

And so When COVID When COVID affected, so many others, and so many others even died by suicide with COVID. You know it? It did the opposite to you. It helps you

did. And honestly, if I didn't spend those three months beforehand, working, I used to say I was fixing myself and everybody now you're not fixing yourself. Yeah, I was fixing myself if I hadn't done COVID,

right, I don't

know. But I spent that time. I made it through COVID. And I was able to strengthen myself through COVID. Because I wasn't going out. And I had it scared the bejesus out of me because I was scared for my mom, I was scared for my aunt, I was scared for my mother in law. You know, I wanted to make sure that all my family was healthy. I had friends who passed from COVID. So that was really scary. And I'm just glad that I took the time beforehand to teach myself out all these coping mechanisms, so that I could get through it. You know, because when I when I sit and I look back, and I look at what's going on in the world, you know, 2020 They did. The National Alliance on Mental Health did a study and found that one in five people are having severe mental health crisis is every year. One of COVID Yeah, they did this study during COVID. So so that's a huge number when you think about it, one in five, and then I'm sitting here pulling up my numbers. So one in five did that and one in 20. So one in five experienced mental illness one in 20 experience serious mental illness. And then one in sis teen experienced both substance use disorder and mental illness. And over 12 million people had serious thoughts of suicide.

Wow, that's crazy people.

Yeah. And then at the time, you got to figure we're in COVID. So over seven, almost 18 million people had to put off getting help for their mental illness because of COVID.

No, and that's where the lock downs. Yep, that's how because people, people can seek help when they need and no, I'm glad these days are over. And I hope 2020 is never, ever repeated again. Oh, no.

Well, this is like a one. Once in a century pandemic, the last pandemic was the Spanish flu, which was much worse than COVID. Way worse. Yes,

yes. Well, and it was way worse, because you don't have that they didn't have the technology back then. No, we have technology now that helps us deal with these types of things. And quickly. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So that's, that's really, the important part is that we have all of these resources now. And right. And mental health don't just affect one person, they don't affect just affect the person who is dealing with those illnesses. You know, caregivers spend an average of 32 hours a week trying to help their loved ones Hold on.

And also, people are awaited, even though it was the technology doing COVID. And language, Spanish flu people have always had this pandemic, and there was not good. There was no civility in the in this country in the United States of America, there was there was hate racism, including the George Floyd incident, and we didn't treat each other with kindness. And it's not good. I mean, I question if we're still the best country on this planet? Because we don't you don't hear about this stuff and other countries? Come on. Yeah,

I mean, I'm sure that all affects everybody's mental health as well.

I mean, I would say that this is still the greatest in the world, because in other countries, 95 90% of the world is not free.

You don't get you don't hear about all this racism and stuff in other countries, right. Actually,

you do. You actually do. And it's way worse. Media, you

know, I mean,

I believe, I believe we're the best in the world period.

I mean, if it you know, please forgive me if I'm going on the land here. Yeah, we have to have more understanding and empathy in this country and in the world. And that's what's causing people to have mental health crisis and take an intake the line can't You're good.

You know, going back to the numbers on mental health, depression is the leading cause cause of disability worldwide. And, and none of these subjects help anybody's depression 21% of people experiencing homelessness is because they have a serious mental illness. We're failing our our people, because we're treating them like Like, they're not human, but they have some people have mental health issues, and that's what causes their homelessness and mental health issue. Mental health can be anxiety, depression, PTSD, OCD, ADHD, all of the acronyms. Substance abuse, you know, a lot of times your mental health is your substance abuse contributes to poor mental health, because you don't know how to cope. Because because you have a mental health. You want things like alcohol and pills and in marijuana, in some cases, to be able to relax your mind and relax and escape and escape from your reality.

And I don't like when people use alcohol as a crutch. It's not the it's not heroin. I know. I know. I know some people that do that. I won't. I'm not gonna mention it on the podcast, but that needs to stop.

You know what I would

do Using drugs as a crutch for mental health has to stop. I have a family member who is an addict. And because he doesn't know how to deal with her mental health. So it's a crisis. It's all part of the crisis. Yes, he

is. And yeah, I, I just hope all this stuff slows down, and we get back to normal train of each other with kindness and respect and all that. And. And so now, well, before I jump forward, I know mental health can contribute to from PTSD. Did you ever have I know, you said you had trauma in your life before, right?

Yep, I am diagnosed with clinical depression. I have an anxiety disorder. And I have PTSD. And I'm working through all of that. And changing my mindset to saying that I am valuable as a person, as opposed to I am not valuable as a person has helped my PTSD immensely. And I just want to say out there that PTSD is, is not just something that military experiences, we all experienced trauma and PTSD is caused by trauma.

Yes, it is. It can be caused by all sorts of trauma.

Exactly. Firefighters, when they're fighting, fighting a fire, I know my son has has watched somebody jump out of a window during a fire and die. And that affects him greatly. I know police officers who are, you know, involved in hostage situations, I have a family members who remember the SWAT team, you know, so he deals with that all the time, too. But even when you look at you and I, individually, if you've witnessed a horrific car accident, then that's trauma. If you've, you know, in some ways the two of you deal with trauma every day because of the loss of your sight. Yeah, we may we may not,

we may not realize it in like in our subconscious mind, but, right. Yeah. And also,

I was gonna say I actually don't view my loss of sight as bad. I think it's actually really cool. Because I get to see the world differently than some. Because the way I view it is I see with my heart, not my eyes. In fact, if I'm, if I may point you to second Corinthians five, where it says we live by faith, not by sight. So there you go. And so the way I see it is being blind is actually an advantage for me because it enhances my faith in Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah. So there you go.

Fantastic to hear that you feel that way.

Exactly. And I used to be I used to be, I used to be jealous of people who are sighted at one point my life because I'm like, I can't drive. Well, who knows? That might be changing in the future. I don't know. It might. Who knows, I may live to see the day where blind people are driving, because they can already read and write, they can already, you know, do all sorts of, you know, wonderful tasks that you can do. Because they have assistive technology. They have Braille, which is very important to learn. And so yeah, in blind people, their brains work the same way as a sighted person. Except the part of the brain they exhibit a lobe that is responsible for vision is responsible for touch instead. Yep. And I actually learned that in psychology when I was taking it and they talked about Braille in psychology class. I'm like, wow, this is cool.

I'm sure your other senses are heightened

Yes, they are. Yeah, well, there's more

Yeah, yeah. No, I do have light perception, which is really nice. So I can see light and dark sounds good.

I could see I could see a little bit my guy that guy just as well. And also another issue I'm gonna blame on mental health. And I talked about this at speakers Playhouse live I know you will do even though my voice wasn't the best, but I gave it my best shot. I was sick that day. fatherlessness Oh my god. Those narcissistic men who don't care and don't give a damn about their families and wives. I'm sorry. That does not fly with me. My my dumbass father, who was not he did not want my mother to be pregnant with me and my sister. He, he's a piece of piece of garbage, you know? And

you know, what did you sign him? Because you are an amazing man.

Thank you. And it just aggravates me and disturbs me that fathers don't step up. And divorce rates need to go down. Enough is enough. And this stuff needs to change. You know what I want to say to all these do not feel right now. You want to become a father and step up. And you know what? Don't Don't conceive. Don't conceive. That's all there is to it. And because studies to show, Julie, I know I'm sure you can provide a statistic. Peep children who have both parents and the household. Definitely, definitely do way better than children. Who don't. I mean, I did have ever like father figures in my life. I did have a I did have a stepfather, me. He's still kind of in my life. I have a new stepfather. My mom just remarried, which is nice. But fatherlessness needs to change. And, Tyler, you you can you can attest to that to you. You have some examples, right?

Well, my niece, yeah. She doesn't really have her father around all that much. Because he's dealing with his own issues. He's dealing with drug addiction, I believe. And, and I'm not gonna, you know, I'm not gonna, you know, bash him because it's just, you know,

I maybe should, I don't know, he needs to step up. Julie does know,

you know, every situation is different. And I would not make any comment on any father, whether or not they're being part of their child's life or not. I know, my son has an adopted child. And his mother and my son had now split, and the child doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

Yeah. So

it's just, it's just upsetting that stuff happens that I thought that's that's my only point. You know, it's just it's and because this contributes to, you know, life, a host of lifelong mental health complications, and even suicide, because children don't feel like the worthy. They they don't have good self esteem. And it's and that challenge is just not good at I'm just putting up a point. That's all I'm bringing up.

That's okay. What I want to share with you guys though, is some of the common warning signs of a crisis, if I can, yes, so and this is, according to a study done by the National Alliance on Mental Illness, feeling sad or withdrawn for more than two weeks. I'm seriously trying to kill oneself, or making plans to do so. Like I said, having a plan is imminent, severe out of control, risk taking behaviors, if somebody is afraid of their own shadow, and they decide that oh, I'm gonna go skydiving now. You might want to talk to them about that. But Skydiving is a safe sport. I just have to because,

yeah.

A sudden overwhelming fear for no reason. Not eating, vomiting, using laxatives to lose weight or significant weight loss. That's, you know, that's an eating disorder. And eating disorders are also mental health situations.

Those can be warning signs. Yes. Even though you may not recognize it right away. Yep.

Hearing or believing things aren't real. Using drugs and alcohol, drastic changes in mood behavior, sleep habits, extreme difficulty concentrating, and worrying or fears that get in the way of daily activities. These are all signs that somebody is having some challenges, you know, so so let's start conversations with these people. People, you know, tell them you know that you're worried about them and you'd like to talk or ask them is something going on, that I might be able to help with and find a solution for with you offer support. Get them help if they need it. And more importantly, just be a friend. Oh, yeah. Sometimes to help someone is to just sit next to them and not speak and know they're there. When with my crisis, my husband had to go away. And I needed somebody to be there with me. And I had a very good friend who came and sat on a chair in my living room why I laid on the couch in a catatonic state. Because she loved me so much that she wanted to make sure that I was okay. That's okay, these these are important things to do when you see somebody, or you think somebody might be in crisis and, and starting these conversations is the only way we're going to end the stigma of mental health and mental illness. Because, you know, we should be talking, everybody has to deal with it. So why aren't we talking about it? A lot of people think that meant when we talk about, oh, I need a mental health day. It's a mani and a pedi and a massage and stuff like that. No, it's not all that. I know, I used to take all of my sick days in the beginning of the year, because of the weather. I used to live up north, so it was gray and dreary and gloomy and, and I was depressed. So my mental health day was literally to get my mind together. But But I want to start these conversations, because if we start these conversations, and we end the stigma, naturally, the rates of suicide will decrease, because people will be more inclined to get help. Ask for help. Asking for help is the biggest thing. Also, people will be more inclined to notice what's going on with the people around them. We don't do enough of that we don't notice enough of the things that are going on around us. And there's so much help out there for people. If you're thinking about suicide, please pick up the phone, you know, or or dial on your phone, all you have to do is call or text 988

Yes, nine, eight. eight

That's the Suicide Prevention Lifeline. If you don't want to, if you think Well, I'm not that bad off. And you just want somebody to talk to most of the localities around NAMI, which is the National Alliance on Mental Illness is a national program. Like each location, each big city has their own branch. So for me here in Jacksonville, I have a Nami branch, that they help coordinate therapy and can give you direction on where to go. They also help schools and families deal with mental health challenges. So I want to put those resources out there, so that people know that they're not alone. And there is help out there. Even if you want it to be enough, don't ready to talk to family and friends yet. You can reach out to people and be anonymous. And sometimes it's easier to talk to somebody you don't know. Then somebody Yeah, you know,

You know, you know, it's amazing. You know, I grew up with my mom, like, she would just look her hug. Just was the best feeling I've ever felt in my life. Yeah, and I'm telling you right now, like, studies have shown I learned this in sociology class, when I was at a junior college studies have shown that without touch, people can die.

Yes, yeah.

ANd not only that, they can be mount they can be malnourished, the mental health they need, because there is a chemical in the brain that is activated upon touch. And it's oxytocin. And it plays a very important role in mental development. You know, it's just amazing. How like, touch just touch when you hug whenever you just do whatever. Yeah, that just, it's just amazing, especially as a baby as an infant. You know, babies need constant touch. Yeah, because without it, they either underdeveloped and they don't develop well, and they may have damaged their brain due to underdeveloped oxytocin or they could die This is

exactly.

And you know,

I think every animal was born to need touch. I mean, when you look even in, you know, the animal kingdom. You You see how they all have to touch each other. Yeah, I get that.

It's amazing. Like, it's just amazing how like we were designed. We were designed to feel, to love to just have, like touch in a sense is a ministry to a point. Yes, it is. It really like life itself is a ministry. That's how I view it. Oh, yeah. And I truly believe that what we are doing, you know, you know, spreading hope is a ministry. Because I always say to like a lot of my guests, our guests. That hope doesn't disappoint because, you know, I you know, I'm a you know, I'm a I'm a believer, that's what I believe that hope does not disappoint because hope is a person and it's Jesus Christ. That's what I believe.

Yeah. And I will I stop you real quick. I want to I think we should play that big of a song. Because it speaks to what we're talking about in this show audio. I hope you hear this. That this is it's okay. Not to be okay. Smiles marshmallows. Channel, Wadley people mental health herself Hope y'all can hear that

maybe it's just in your head get trapped in your own skin oh good Daniel. When you're high on emotion and you're losing your focus anduoou you feel so exhausted. Don't get lost in the moment or give up when your when you're closest to say it's okay not to feel and they they your security they can forget your chance it's only because you know Hi I'm in motion and you're losing focus in your fields don't get lost give up when you close it's okay not to feel pain but it's a pain emotions. your focus and your filter don't get lost or give up when you're close to stop. It's okay not to feel ok

wow those lyrics are powerful.

It's amazing.

What right and

I love her. I love her.

And if you don't know, Demi Lovato suffers from bipolar space.

I didn't know that. Yeah, okay. Yeah. And so tell me what you'all how would you analyze these lyrics? What's the message behind because mine is well enough to speak up. It's okay. If you're not okay. Don't Don't feel ashamed because you're afraid people are gonna judge you and they might and others may not.

Well, the way I see it is you know, it's okay to cry if you need to. And I just, I want to be there for those who just need to cry. That's it. Let's say they just need to cry and get it all out. And that's okay. Because the way, the way, the way life should be is we must have compassion for one another. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to cry to it, but it does mean to have sympathy. In other words, yeah, you know, you you know, some people have this idea. Oh, I know how you feel? No, you don't. You don't really know how someone feels, unless you're there. But, you know, people say, Oh, I know how you feel. Without really meaning it. They'll just say I know how you feel. And that's it. And I'll just leave it at that. But the way I see it is the way the way I see it is know. What you should say is, I don't exactly know how you feel. But I'm gonna at least be there for you. Yep. When a lot better than just saying I know how you feel and just leave it at that.

Or I have an idea of how you feel, you know? Not you don't feel unless you're that person. You don't feel the same way.

No, you don't.

So yeah, Tyler sorry. If I, if I interrupted you with a physical touch, I want to go back to home.

They're really good.

I agree. Physical Touch is important, because it gives you value, especially someone that can't see it, let them know that they care.

Yeah, well, it isn't just that everyone needs touch without it. Without it. There's no, no, you can't survive without touch. You just can't. Yeah, it's not possible.

And I mean, especially, I never, I never, I never I recommend is setting appropriate boundaries for those who are just very judgmental, and don't want to understand your situation, if you need to back away, just back away, you know?

Well, not only that, I would set boundaries for pretty much all relationships, because there is a right, as well as an inappropriate relationship. You know, like, let's say someone is, I don't know, a student. And they're, I don't know, let's just say they're, they're getting too involved in their teacher romantically or something. That's not right, something along the way. I mean, I can understand, let's say, I don't know, let's say that teacher decides to leave and no longer be a teacher for for the conflict of interest, then if the student were to say, pursue something like that, perhaps it would be appropriate because they're no longer in that teacher student setting,

as long as they're not a minor.

Right. So I mean, let's say they're both adults are both adults, older adults, in America, say they're both in their 20s or something. They happen to be in their 20s, it still wouldn't be a good idea for a teacher and a student to pursue, like any kind of relationship, because it's a conflict of interest between the student and the teacher, you know, yeah. But at the same time, some people may beg to differ, I don't know, as long as they're, as long as they're adults. I don't know. I could be an example of a boundary like, hey, just be sure to set appropriate boundaries in all relationships.

Exactly. And as I mentioned, our cell so let's go forward. I think we've answered your eye. We got started with questions about your past. Let's go spin now. So you're a speaker. You were on a TEDx last year. What How did you get to that point and being on a TEDx because I'm about to sign up for three kings speaking program and the amazing, he's amazing. That's gonna help me get paid speaking gigs, speaking at colleges and on cruise ships, and land attack. So how did you get there?

So after I had gone through all of my healing, and I'm not done, I'm still healing. I made the conscious decision that I need to get this message out there. And so I, I joined a program that Frank's unfortunately I had joined another program and didn't get very far with that program, but then contacted TEDx Ocala. And I happen to know, people in Ocala. And I know the TEDx curator, and I said, No, I want to do this. I think it's necessary to do this and it's necessary to get this information out. And they said absolutely, and I mean, I went Through the same application process as everybody else, and they accepted my application. So, in November of 2021, I did TEDx Ocala with my talk how a conversation can save a life. Fine, you can find that ad on YouTube, if you want to watch it, or you can go to my website, which is www that start the convo.net. And it has the link to my talk there. And one of the other things that I really started to understand from my healing processes, I had no concept of gratitude. I didn't want to be on this earth. So there was no concept of gratitude. So I started a huge it's on my Youtube, not my YouTube channel, yet. It's going on my YouTube channel, but it's going it's on my Instagram, like tick tock, and on my Facebook channels that I started a month long gratitude journey. And it's going to be wrapping up on the sixth, but it's still out there. But it's every other day. It's another thing to think about to be grateful for. I mean, things like colors. What, what color, could you be grateful for? Just stupid, like ordinary things coming up with things to be grateful for. So I'm just getting finished wrapping that one up. But the next journey that I'm going to take for everybody is a journey of self love, and how to find self love. And I think after that we're gonna find self confidence. So I have a couple of things in the works. My whole program of journey of gratitude is going to be going on to my YouTube channel. Awesome. Just got to figure it all out first. Yeah, but it is out there on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And all of my channels start with start the Convo and it's either start the convo with Julie start the convo with Julie McLean. One or one or the other. So everybody can find me really easily. And there's links on my website for Facebook, Instagram. Yeah. And

also sounds like you're going to have a question, which is what are your future goals? And you have great. Those are great goals right there now, have you done paid speaking do you hope to get paid speaking,

I have done a dabbled a little bit in paid speaking. But that's really where I want to go. My whole goal is to help organizational leaders get comfortable talking about mental health, and talking about suicide prevention and in general, just being opened to their teams, and letting your teams be comfortable speaking up and saying, hey, you know, I'm having I'm struggling here. I need help. Because so many people are afraid in their organizations to let that be known. But that's if there's anybody out there who is part of an organization who has, you know, annual meetings or conferences and they want somebody to speak about suicide prevention. I'm your girl.

Yeah, Now real quick Are you in? Are you in flight 100 are just playful out because I miss right now. Joe Mr. Always good and Ginny Trask very credible. Yeah, and I know with confidence that Joe is giving me great advice, you know, he's just not selling me just to sell stuff because he's recommending me that I sign up for Frakes program a replay 100 Because it's wonderful because you're gonna love Frank because play 100 is more speak to sell and he sees me doing more paid speaking gigs such as a college is another another subject I want to speak about the college's is I want the hazing and all the crap that goes on at fraternity houses. I want it to come to an end because indeed that that causes mental health problems as well. I'm gonna speak about that as well. Um, so yeah, I know we're limited on time but i i We only have a question I have is just what's, what message you want to leave overall, to my listeners, and of course, Tyler, if you have any other questions and indeed, all that she take our customary Indian as well. So yeah, what what What's the message you want to read?

I'm gonna go back to what Tyler said, we need to start taking care of each other. That's right, we need to be we need to look out for each other, we need to have empathy and sympathy for each other. We need to start noticing each other. And somewhere in the decades we've lost that.

And guess what? each other down, right?

Pay attention to each other. Love each other. Stop comparing yourself with somebody else. Oh my gosh, because you're so much

better. No, I, when I was 24-25, honestly, I was 24. I did go through some depression. I was not like suicidal or anything. But it was the worst feeling that depression I've I've ever felt. But I did go to counseling and talk about it. I was I was just confused, didn't know what to do with life specially like finding a job. And I was I was doing that. You know, the worst thing imaginable, comparing myself to others, and no, no, no, no, no, you should not do that.

You know, and stop worrying about what other people care about you because it's none of your business. That was such a big eye opener for me. It's none of my business. What anybody else? Yeah, helped me first.

And of course, so today, do you have thoughts of suicide? Oh, just have you been completely set free? Do you

have not set free I have to deal with them every day. It's you know, I try. But I when I start getting those lots of of suicide, I always turn around and look at what I'm grateful for nowadays, you know, and I'm grateful for people like you and Tyler for giving me this opportunity to share with others

not to promote the act of suicide, but a lot of people who do it and they've heard it say that you won't go to heaven, or you you to your higher self, whatever you believe in, but I I've heard it also say to people who weren't commit suicide, they don't. Of course, if you kill yourself intentionally just to do it, of course, God may not call you to have them. But if you're in if you're in true pain and struggling, you know, God, your higher self, whoever you believe in, they, they understand that. Right, Tyler? What?

Well, I believe the only thing that will keep you from Heaven is not believing in Jesus. That's what I believe as a Christian. Now, whether you believe that or not, that's, you know, whether anyone else on here believes that or not, that's between them and whoever they trust, you know, because I believe that, you know, here in America, you know, we have freedom of religion, not from religion, you know, so yeah. So now I don't believe suicide alone. Keeps You from heaven. I believe that rejection. You know what I believe? rejection of Jesus keeps you from heaven. Because that's what I believe. Yeah, so yeah. But I was gonna say here, this podcast, we always say hope without sight. And a lot of people might be wondering, what does that mean exactly? Well, it's a metaphor. It's way beyond hope, without vision. You know, it's way beyond hope, without eyesight. It is a metaphor that says that there's a light at the end of the tunnel that says, doesn't matter where you come from, in life, where you've been, there's hope. There is hope. Despite the darkness, despite the unknown, despite all of it, despite all the challenges and struggles you may be facing. And so yeah, that is what hope without side is all about. It's way beyond just, oh, hope without being able to see No, it's a metaphor. And I view this journey as a ministry because I can spread hope to others. And so, I really appreciate you coming on the podcast. Julie. It's very inspirational what you've been through. Yes. And the one thing we always ask our our, our our guests what, like, what message would you provide our listeners who feel that they don't have any help?

That's such that I've would give is that, and I'm kinda gonna use this platform to say this, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Don't give up hope. No matter how bad things are. There's always tomorrow, you're getting a bad day, you're not having a bad life. So remember, today is just one day out of your life. Take advantage of every single moment of it. And don't hesitate to reach out to somebody no matter who it is. If you need to talk, I mean, I'm open to taking if people want to just talk to me, I am not a therapist. I am not medically trained. But if somebody just need somebody to listen, I'm there. Go ahead. Call me up. I don't care. So

let's say they don't they're let's say they're not having problems. And I just want to talk to Tom to get to know you more and discuss shoot me an email. Yeah, because it doesn't have to just be bad. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, I believe therapy is not just for people who are going through struggles, like, Oh, they're facing a bad situation. I think therapy can benefit every single person because all therapy really is is a form of feedback. And it doesn't even have to be with medicine or any of that. Now, it could just be taught therapy, which is a form of feedback. Yeah. Yeah. And even your own family can give you that. Yes. Absolutely.

Well, Julie, thank you so much for sharing your story. And as I told Kimberly Crowe Joe Mr. Always good. And I like that name. By the way, Miss Chu. Always good. Ginny Trask um, so, last night, I found all of y'all y'all are second family to us.

Amen. Amen. Thank

you so much. I do appreciate the platform and you guys are amazing.

Well, thank you. And also we have a radio station if you want to tune in we have one called real variety radio. And it's on our website real variety. radio.com And you can also download the GET ME radio app and listen there as well. Yeah, definitely. Yeah.

Fantastic.

Yep. So there you go

peace out, everybody. Stay blessed