Scary Rabbit Holes

learning about our disease while sidestepping the scary rabbit holes. Welcome back, everyone. I can't wait for this episode. This is an episode that really truly talks about learning about the disease we're facing. And what type of what I would say scary rabbit holes, we can go down when we decide to go on the internet, and Google everything about our cancer. Maggie, I am so intrigued by what you might have to say about this subject?

Well, the scary rabbit hole covers a lot. And for me, I made a rule. minute one that I refuse to Google. Okay. And what I will say is, for me, I am, it was a hard rule to make, but because my approach in life has always been knowledge, set knowledge is power, I don't necessarily, you know, it's just the knowledge is so important to me, learning is so important to me. So when I think about like, just imagine you're gonna go out and you're going to buy a new TV. If I, I don't want to know what the people selling the TVs is going to tell me. I want to know what the people that have bought that TV in the past have experienced with the TV. So I want to know what those that have used that same product would tell me and would recommend. So it's an experience. Yes. So for me, it was all about experience. And I knew that Google was going to give me so much information. And I would not know like, What, is this a source I can trust? Is this something that is real or not real or whatever. So for me, it's I really wanted to talk to other people that have been through breast cancer. And I even think about it like when when I when we go to restaurants and other talents like just traveling right? I always want to know where the locals go.

Yes, the locals because

they don't go to the touristy places, they go to the gems, the hidden gems, right. So I like that example, because I really believed that if I talk to other women or men, but I happen to talk to actually 20 plus women, wow, that have been through breast cancer. And I was amazed dinner at how much I learned. And the interesting thing is the biggest learning is that no two breast cancer journeys are alike.

Exactly.

So how is the internet going to tell us what it is? So true.

So we you and I are a prime example of having the same exact diagnosis with two totally different journeys.

Exactly. Yep. Yep. That's very true. And, and, and had we talked to one another? Earlier on, like him, I think I talked to the 20 in my first probably three months, because it was overwhelming to talk to too many. Too often. So I would only like I'd give myself, you know, a few a week. Because they turned into an hour, hour and a half conversations. Oh, yeah. And I learned what they experienced, what they were maybe afraid of what they learned, how they approach things. And so it was really being open to other things that I could explore, which helped me not only open my mind, but also gave me confidence that I it's it's not as it gave me hope. It's not as scary as Google would have made it out to be. Right. So that I yeah, that that rule of not googling I think did serve me as well. So So Dina, what about you? How are you I need to know I need to learn or I'll just take it as it comes.

I was take it as it comes because an IV I'll be honest, I was not researching anything, you know, being a nurse and watching firsthand. Patients go through this. And out their fear overcame them. Wow. And it's it that fear can spiral somebody. And once you start going down that rabbit hole, and that fear really sets in, it plays havoc on you physically, mentally and emotionally. You know, there are people who I've taken care of who started researching all kinds of things. Not only just breast cancer did take care of women that had breast cancer, but any of their diseases or their illnesses. And they would start researching. And next thing, you know, what they're telling me, I have this symptom, I have this symptom, I have this system, I have this, and I'm like, Whoa, let's let's back up a second. And that fear was just consuming them day and night. And it affected them. More so. And, you know, yes. Do I research, you know, a product? Yes. Do I research a vacation? Yes. But when it comes to, you know, diseases and illnesses and things like that? No, I wasn't doing it. And there are doctors out there. And this is just what happened to me. My oncologist was a well known oncologist who did a lot of research. And the first visit I had with him before I left, he said, I'm telling you now, do not go on the internet. That, you know,

I mean, that, I mean, that's awesome that he sent yet.

Because I mean, he was an oncologist. At this point, I think at least 35 years, you know, and he said the same thing. It's a rabbit hole. And it's not to it's not a good place to be.

And do you feel like that approach helped you hold more hope and stay away from fear.

I had certain fears, which really had nothing to do with my cancer. You know, and I decided that I'm going to keep my life as normal as possible. These are, these are the things that kept me from not being so fearful, is keeping my life as normal as possible. eating as healthy as I can possibly be when I didn't have my side effects. Movement, my journaling my mindset by, you know, my deep breathing. So I had to make a conscious decision not to allow that type of fear to spiral me down. And that's how I that's how I overcame it. That's how I dealt with it.

Well, I will say, That's admirable. Deena. Considering your background and your knowledge and exposure to those going through it before you like having that first hand visibility to that. I admire how you approached it.

Yeah. Thank you. I appreciate that. Was it easy? No. And I saw the good and the bad. And I'm gonna leave it at that. Because for anybody that's listening. It's hard to hear things that maybe didn't go so well. You know, and I always tried to put those situations of those people that I took care of, out of my mind while I was going through the journey,

which ties back to what we said earlier to right where every single person doesn't, you know, it's a different it's a different path. It's a different response to treatment. It's a different getting to the other side of it. We all we all have different bodies, right? So it's exactly well in one of the examples that you may think of to Dina is that I saw what as I was talking to these women, I was learning a about alternatives, which excited me, because of what I was learning about the treatments and the chemo and the radiation. I wanted to follow Western medicine but pursue Eastern medicine. And so I was learning of people that had done that. And what was interesting is my oncologist was not bought in to the whole Eastern medicine approach and said, you know, if you want to do that, just let me know the things you're taking. So I can at least research whether they'd conflict with your treatment or not, which made perfect sense. So she pulled something up on our computer, and was searching some of the things and I was like, oh, what website is that? I bought that one. Because I didn't Google any of my alternative medicines, either. I just, again, learned it all from other people that have tried it and experienced it, and what they got out of doing it.

Right. So it's all about truly hearing others, other woman's journeys, their experience, you know, how they felt why they were doing it? You know, listening to the stories,

the stories, that's a great, I'm glad you said that, because that's a perfect way to say it. We all have a story.

Yes. But I want to go, I just want to go in a little bit of a different direction, because the rabbit hole can be overwhelming. Like when you're talking to 20 women. And let's say, let's say you talk to 50 women, and out of 50 women, let's say 30 of them, didn't give you a good feeling, because of their story and maybe their complications. So the point I'm trying to make is we have to be truly careful of also the stories and the things we're reading and the things we're watching. To not bring us down.

Does that make sense? It makes perfect sense. It's really you the words you used about like reading what it's listening to those stories in a way that helps you also see when something is maybe more of just a mindset. Because to your point, that spiral of fear and overwhelm even a person telling you a story about it.

Yes, it can be very overwhelming. So out of doubt. No, it's good. No, you go ahead. No, it's just something that I really truly want our audience to be aware of.

What you made me think of Dina is I when I first started looking for community, so I was talking to these different women, but then I was also looking for community online. So face entities,

I did too. And here's

what I thought, here's what I found. And this is back to your point of I was sort of listening to the different things that were being talked about, and the context. Or the I don't even know, like the perspective they were coming from, and what I found with so many Facebook communities as they were normalizing the pain, and the hardness and the struggle versus helping each other with more stories and encouragement. And it's not all about Pollyanna and and instilling false hope. But it's there is this element of let's uplift each other, encourage each other and help each other and support each other versus always talking about the negative or the fear that makes it Right,

exactly. It's the negativity, because I also found that on some of the groups that I was trying to follow, and it actually there was one point for a week, about a week or so I was on this one particular group. And my husband said what's happening to you? And I'm like, What are you talking about? He's like, You're crying more? You're upset more. You're You're down more like it brought me down instead of like you just said, lifting me up. And it isn't it isn't. It isn't always peaches and cream. Let's face it. It's truly not There's good days, there's bad days, there's days, you just, you're fed up, you're frustrated, you don't have the energy, you don't have the strength, you go to work, you don't go to work, whatever it might be for whoever it is. And you have to truly stop and take a look how it's affecting you because it's negative. And it's instilling fear into people.

Yes. And I mean, back to even our tagline about real and raw, right, it is real, it is raw, it is hard. And then is a lot of fear. I just think that the more we can focus our conversations around, how are we navigating that our we helping each other navigate? What things are we doing, to move through that versus sitting in it, and our how hard it is, and just like focus there,

right? And we keep bringing up the word fear. But what we have to truly look inside, deep down in our core, what we are truly afraid of? What is the cause of that fear? Is it being on the internet and Googling every single thing out there? Or is it a fear that, you know, has been ruling for a while or since childhood? I mean, we can go into another episode. Okay. Yeah. But you know, that is key here is, you know, being able to say, if you are fearful, what am I so afraid of? And what is causing it?

That's a great point. Because there's, there's more to it. In almost all cases, right. So. So not letting that just be right. Yeah, I love that. Okay, now you got me thinking, Deena?

Yeah, cuz it truly is it, we really do need to stop and think. And we do need to uplift each other. And we truly do need to find the love and the support that we need.

Yes. And that in being intentional about where we get our information, I think, feeds that so well. And, obviously, in today's world, the information out there is endless. So just truly what I want our listeners to know is, obviously you have to learn to whatever level you're comfortable with, and however you want to learn but make sure you're intentional about your sources. And your mindset is that as you're gathering that information,

absolutely 100% I couldn't say it any better to be honest with you.

I'm sure you can, my dear.

Ah, once again. Again,

not I was gonna say that's probably a good point to wrap. And yes,

that's what I was just gonna say to see we're always on the same page. So thank you so much, Maggie. It was an amazing conversation, and we'll see everybody soon or listen, listen in soon please.