There is an inherent need that all of you require, but for many, this need has been blocked off from you along your journey, brick by brick—a need for freedom. From an early age, you face the decisions and control by others along your journey that prevent you from having the freedom you need. The freedom to chase your dreams, make your own decisions, and experience trial and error, all because others believe they know better for you. This programming and conditioning may likely still be running in the shadows of how you live your life. It's time to break down the wall and become free because what defines us will define them.
In this episode, we cover:
About the Host:
Ray Bourcier - Conscious parent coach, stay-at-home father, husband, author, podcaster
A college and university environmental science graduate, Ray grew up in a toxic family and a toxic situation in Northern Ontario, Canada. As a result, he experienced the first of many PTSD events at age five, which would begin his nearly three-decade struggle with anxiety and depression.
Spending most of his life in survival mode without support, he eventually discovered and developed ways to overcome his struggles when nothing else worked.
With a passion for helping others, he made it his mission to help transform the lives and impact the worlds of eleven million people so they too can give their best to themselves, their loved ones, and their career.
An ancient Chinese proverb that Ray loves states, "To know the road ahead, ask those coming back." Ray is on the road back to offer you the support you need every step on your journey so that you, too, will be on the same road back. Ray believes that only those who've walked that road can truly understand the struggles that you go through.
Together, we will become the rising tide that lifts all boats.
Together, we are unstoppable.
In his off time, you can find Ray spending time with his daughter, reading books, watching hockey, and contemplating whether pineapple belongs on pizza.
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Every human has one inherent need. And today, you and I will be discussing how to break through the wall and achieve that need. Freedom. That's up next. Let's go!
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Hey you, pull up the seat. Welcome back to From Surviving to Thriving for Parents. This is Episode 22. I am Raymond Bourcier. And if you are a parent or a soon to be parent who wants to give their kids the best start in life that you can give them, then you're in the right place.
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This show is all about you because we're about transformation and taking unwavering action, so that you can be the parent that you always needed and be the parent that they need you to be. Are you like I was, constantly feeling like you're not living the life you should be living? The life that you want to be living? Or maybe you're feeling like you're living the life that someone else decided for you, that you would live? I understand. And I'm here to help you break the chains holding you back from what you really need.
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Freedom. Before you can move forward, you must stop and take a look back at how you got here. Then to know where you want to go, you must connect the dots moving backwards and learn the lessons, so that you can choose a better destination. Have you ever listened to or watched Pink Floyd's The Wall? We've all heard the songs, but have you ever truly listened? Much like Pink, where you're at right now
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It started on your journey a long time ago, brick by brick. And here's where my opinion differs from others. So maybe you'll agree with me, or maybe you'll disagree. I would love to know your opinion. The person who put those bricks up one by one along your journey, it wasn't you.
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They were put up around you along your journey by others who either didn't know any better, didn't care, or were complicit. But, at some point along your journey, slowly, step by step. You started to take ownership of these bricks that built a wall around you. A wall that kept you stuck, captive in your comfort zone that they created for you. The struggles with self that you may face, the same struggles that I faced. The struggles with overwhelm, stress, and depression that you may face, the same struggles I faced. These aren't the struggles that you put in your way, but they are the struggles that were placed brick by brick along your journey to keep you from the one thing you want and you need most. Freedom.
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There's a quote from author Matt Lambeau. All conscious souls long to be free. We want to make our own decisions and experience this planet so we can decide what's right and what's wrong for ourselves. And we'll come back to freedom in a moment. Because I believe it's important to distinguish between conscious and unconscious.
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There are those out there who, like I was, are sleepwalking through life. A walking zombie, accepting what is as it is. The struggles with self: self-esteem, self-confidence, self-validation, limiting beliefs, all of this is the sea of garbage that was forced into you to become the bricks that may have held you back. But because you're here with me, you're not a mindless zombie. You're conscious. You know you want better, and you know that you deserve better.
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And you know that your kids deserve better. True freedom, it's taken from us at an early age whether intentional or unintentional or both. As kids, our internal environments were programmed and conditioned by those involved in our lives and the institutions and the culture that we grew up surrounded with. So it's our job as parents to be aware of this programming. The programming that tries to assimilate our kids to be just another drone, just another cog in the wheel.
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There is a culture in this world that while our kids are young, they're told to go for their dreams, reach for new heights. But when high school ends, these same voices tell them to go get a job, stop following their dreams and be responsible, become just another zombie. Have you ever seen the Pixar movie Soul? It's an absolutely fantastic movie that I highly recommend checking out. I could do an entire podcast episode on just how amazing this movie is, but I want to focus specifically on Joe.
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Now let me set the table for those who haven't seen the movie. The movie revolves around a music teacher named Joe whose dream is to just play music in the jazz band. Ever since he was a kid, when his father first introduced him to jazz, he wanted nothing more than to be a jazz musician. And on the day he's being given full time employment after being stuck in part time for so long as a music teacher in a school, his mother is ecstatic because now Joe has benefits, he has a pension, and he has all the perks that come with a full time job. But Joe, Joe's not so happy.
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One day, out of nowhere he gets that call, with that opportunity of a lifetime to play alongside a famous jazz musician. And then he dies. And this is just the start of the movie. I won't spoil the rest, but I want to really focus in on one section of the movie later on. Joe's mother always found his ambition to chase his dreams, to be unrealistic.
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Her expectations were for him to get a good job and be responsible. When he continued to fight for his dreams, she would frown upon it to the point where Joe became resentful of her. Maybe Joe's story resonates with you. Maybe in your youth or your teens, you wanted to chase a dream and were derailed because of the opinions and the beliefs of others. Maybe you wanted to chase the dream in your 20s, but felt pressured to "just do the right thing."
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Just do the responsible thing. And maybe, just maybe, you're still doing the "right thing" because of the programming and the conditioning of others. To that I ask you, just who is that "right thing" for? It can be hard, but you probably already know the answer without having to look deep within. The right thing is not a universal concept shared by every single person. The right thing is unique to you and only you.
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The programming and conditioning placed on you from the times that you were a kid with hopes and dreams to the harsh slap of someone else's reality is one of the worst bait and switches that most of us would ever experience. We, as conscious souls, have an inherent need for freedom. Freedom to make our own choices, our own decisions. To choose your own adventure and carve out your own destiny.
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So this brings up the question, why did our parents do it? Well, there are going to be exceptions to almost every rule. As a societal whole, why do parents squash the hopes and dreams of their kids? For the most part, I don't believe the answer is done through malice. As parents, parents like to think they know what's right for their kids.
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But do you see the problem? When parents instill their thoughts and beliefs on their children, all this does it places another brick in the wall. Along my journey, I finally understood the quickest road to unhappiness is to live an inauthentic life to myself. Trying to live the life chosen for you by others doesn't end up in a life of happiness and joy. And this is why I always ask you not to listen to everything that I have to say and take it with blind faith.
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Because I'm not here to tell you how to live your life. My only goal is to share a perspective that helped me along my journey, along my journey back from my own personal struggles because life is a personal journey. There are no one size fits all way to live life for everyone. The only way to know if something truly works for you is to put it to the test.
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If what I share with you resonates with you, fantastic. If not, that's okay too. Happiness and joy are found in being authentic to you. The moment that we tell someone how to live their life is the moment we take away the one spark that each of us need in our lives. Freedom.
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Understand that, it's not your fault. You're not to blame, but it is on you to break those chains that keep you from living your authentic self. Break down the wall and start to grow beyond. Only by breaking down your wall will you be able to help your kids to not build theirs. And freedom starts by pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.
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Only when you put yourself out of your comfort zone can you grow beyond and do the things that you really want to do. Change won't happen overnight, so don't set some lofty expectations. The wall was built brick by brick, so you will have to break it down brick by brick. Now, you might be saying to yourself, "well, that's all fine and dandy, but how do I even start? Where do I even start?"
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Those are great questions because that's where I got stuck too. And the answer to that is with our free transformational blueprints. Why? Because even if you don't yet know what the destination may look like or how it will come to pass, you can still start setting off in the direction that you choose and start to make more conscious choices and decisions in your life. And those start from within. You first must build traction before you can build momentum.
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And from momentum. You build hope. With hope, you build belief and when you believe it, you will start to see it. That's precisely what these daily blueprints will do for you when you take unwavering action and put yourself and your needs, first. Because to be the parent you always needed and the parent that they need you to be, you have to give your best to yourself. So that you can give your best to your kids, your loved ones and your dreams.
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And I wanted to make this even easier for you to access the blueprints. So what I did was I made a special page just for you that you can download them for free. All you need to do is go to www.giftfromray.com and put in your best email address so that you will be emailed the templates. And be sure to check the spam or the junk or promotion folders because sometimes the emails can end up there.
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All it takes is ten minutes twice a day. So if you can't give yourself 20 minutes a day to give yourself your best, you won't be able to give your best to the rest. Being conscious parents means that you do what you can to try and be better. To try and be better than your parents before you and their parents before them. Being conscious parents means to let go of the chains that hold you back and heal, so that you don't pass along the generational trauma. Being conscious parents means doing your best to give your kids the best start in life, because it starts and ends with you.
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And recognize that while there are times you do have to be a parent and step in to stop them from doing something they shouldn't be doing, or to correct some form of unacceptable behavior, you have to not force your desires and beliefs onto them and let them have the room to play, to grow, to expand. Let them have freedom. Let them discover who they are, lead by example and show them that you are unstoppable because you are willing to take unwavering action and overcome whatever struggles that have held you back. Follow your dreams and let them carve their own path with their own dreams. And with that can come mistakes. But that's what true freedom is all about.
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Trial and error. Finding out what's right and what's wrong for us. The more we can be present for our kids while also staying out of their way, the better parents we can become. Learn from your past, heal through your past, choose a happier and more joyful direction and make it so. If you found this or any other episode helpful, please consider leaving us a five star review on Apple podcast or a five star rating on Spotify. This will help us take another step closer to our goal of transforming the lives and impacting the world of 11 million people.
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And as a special thanks to those who do leave a review, we'll read it on air and give you a special shoutout at the end of an episode. And that's it for today's show. Thank you for showing up for you here today. The best investment you can ever make is in yourself. Time is the most valuable commodity in this world and I hope that I was able to give you the value and impact that you need on your journey. I'll see you next week.
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Until then, you're just one unwavering action away from a completely different life. To the journey, much love.