Offering Hope in Addiction-Part 2

No sleep. Let it sweep you off your feet.

Hi, you're listening to find your joy. If you're looking for ways to thrive rather than survive in a world that can seem rather chaotic, you're in the right place, we will be sharing stories of our own, as well as those from guests who have found ways to bring hope, healing and freedom into places where trauma has impacted them. I'm Ali, author of the art of healing trauma, and I'm here to remind you that life is sweet. Now, let's dive in and find ways to create our joy.

So we've been talking about all of these things that you know, you can put in place you can you can decide that you can get a mocktail, you know, and get your gin and tonic, what are your tonic water with a lime and it will look like a gin and tonic, just so that the comfort level of everybody is, is better that you're the employees don't feel uncomfortable and you don't feel uncomfortable? You've got something in your hand, that's that's a key takeaway,

right? Is it sort of gone are the days that people have to walk around and have to is not the correct word here. But people feel maybe safer or feel like they need to walk around and identify self identify as an addict and recovery, you know, would be often when we are talking about wanting to fit into that situation sounds different from I remember the days where it would the person would be saying, I don't want that I'm an addict, or they were announced a lot. So we're talking something very different. A person who just wants to function and like we don't have to tell every single person we're a vegan or gluten free or alcohol free. Is that correct? That's

right. It's a personal choice and and right. And it's not something that that an addict or alcoholic, that's a very big concern in the beginning. Right, right. human empathy. And that who who's going to know is it going to be in the front page of the paper?

Right, again, depending on what their their profession or the right rate is, or who their social circle is, and all those things, it could impact their livelihood.

So I'll give you a for instance, okay, we had an emergency call from one of our families. Because the husband had been caught with a call girl and cocaine in Miami. Okay. ESPN is how she found out that her husband was cheating on her.

Oh, unfortunate. Well, but

the good news is the NHL, the NFL paid for treatment. They did not pay for us. We scholarship this guy in because they had burnt his insurance up. But that's another story. But but the point is, he got clean. He stayed sober. And he's now back. And he's coaching at a higher level than he was before.

Wow. Okay.

This is a turnaround story, right? We've all been there where we've made a choice that we wish we hadn't made. Right now is a fork in the road. You either go back to a life where you continue to have a relationship with alcohol? Or do you move forward and you decide that you're going to have no relationship with alcohol? Because whatever your genetic makeup is, you can't handle it.

Right? And it's as simple as that, right? It is not, and it's not your fault, shame issue. It doesn't have to be all of those things, any more than someone who has celiac as gluten free or diabetes or anything else, we're talking about a medical condition. And trying to get to that, unfortunately, this medical condition, as with many things that can sometimes fall into the mental health umbrella, this one lies to you.

This one lies to you in your own voice, it lies to you in your own voice. Right, exactly. And you go wait a minute, what

did I just say?

You know, I and I think, you know, to identify first as a human being with needs and once I don't know, necessarily that I agree with identification as an addict or alcoholic as your first priority,

right? Which is what

a lot of times, that's what people say,

right? Like, you know, many meetings that have done well for many people. But if that's the first thing that we are, it's it is a dehumanizing. The same with saying I'm a musician first. It kind of takes away from the percentage of of who well and gosh,

aren't we in that kind of a society where generally the first question that you ask somebody after their name is what do you do?

Yes, yes. I want to be clear, I said the musician part only because I can recall someone who I knew going through recovery, and the first thing they told them to do is stop saying you're a musician. Like your, you know, whoever Fred first, and then all those other things come after us, right? So not to suggest that musician and addiction necessarily go together. Of course, there have been many public connections between those two,

there have been and that's another thing is that we have people that I if I told you their names, you would know who they are they are. So we have had a couple of residents that have had to change their names while under our care so that other people didn't know who they were because like we talked about earlier, this is a mental health issue. It is in the diagnostic manual of the mental health industry as a mental illness, and is treated as such and therefore is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act. And we really need a paradigm shift on addiction, okay, because there's two types of addiction as well, there's the substance use, right. And then there's process disorders. There's like people that are addicted to gambling or pornography or screen time. Right? They are seeing the same losses, right, we have middle aged men whose wives are leaving them because they can't stop playing Call of Duty.

Wow, no, no. Is that something that you through your program? would do? We can

we can handle that? Uh huh. Wow. Because the all of these addictions see these, these are only symptoms, right? Of course, okay, they are trying to escape life. And we need to find out why.

Well, okay. Quick, I like that. So So to be clear, so at your program, would a person need to be medically or chemically chemically addicted, stabilized. But if they if they did not use alcohol, and they only only or but maybe the better word here would be rather, they rather they used pornography or Call of Duty or, you know, fill in the blank, or food or shopping or whatever it might be? Whatever it might be, right? Because there's so many, so whatever, online shopping online shopping, right? That's, that's a whole other world, right? So. So it's any addiction. So when we talk about addiction, you would provide services, even if a person didn't drink at all? That's one of you. Okay? That's because the behaviors,

the behaviors of addiction are the same. Addiction, remember, is going towards a substance or behavior that repeatedly gets you negative consequences, and you still go anyway. Right? Consequences are getting higher and higher and higher. Yes. So by the time that you're calling us, Your pants are on fire, right? Who has mismanaged your own life that might nominal surgeon, you might be the best in the NBA, but you can't get up and get motivated in the morning and be able to live life on its own terms.

Right, your your whatever you're doing, you've got to the place where you don't have options anymore. It says what you must do.

And I'm here to sound the alarm because that number is rising by droves.

Wow. And now is that again, we spoke earlier, the 40% increase during COVID.

That's correct in 2019. The difference from the numbers in 2019 and 2021 are astronomically different. We have fentanyl coming over our south border like you can't even imagine people are dying on the streets. They then they from fentanyl. And that's another I mean that's an that's another issue besides alcohol, but the ease of use, they flooded the market with these things.

Right. And fentanyl is really scary. I mean, I I've lost people, someone I love very much in the last 14 months to fentanyl and a person who was not a person who was using much right this

buried that dead it's that deadly and it's that's why I'm really here honestly, Ally is I see people every single day that have made choices because of traumas that aren't resolved right and they just keep getting on that merry go round cycle and that you know what happens the merry go round gets the end of the ride and and you're sitting there and you're waiting for the attendant to let you out. Right? Well let me out the rides over and then the next thing you know the ride started up again. Well, and every time you sit there and you sit with the attendant and finally the 10th time the attendant says Adrian the latches on the inside.

Well that's good.

Sister, that's good. That's a Mic drop. That's powerful as well. Yeah.

And not black, I wanted to bring, this is a great time for me to bring something up not to, you know, so that we can have your listeners get something positive from this. Right. As I mentioned you we're at about 25%. That means that if you're listening audiences, 100 Members, we're talking to 20 people right now that this is involved with their love of recovery from addictions. And what I've learned in my own life, I am not an addict, but I am someone who's chronically ill. And my recovery journey back to health. They had some parallels to addiction. And so my husband and I started working together and really want to get the message out to parents to wives, to husbands to children to families, you can get in your local Walgreens, this 15 panel, you a cup, right. Okay, I'm going to give this to your listeners, the first 10 people that go onto our website, and we'll put a link there below. Yeah, we will. If you send us a message through the Contact Us, and let us know that that you got to us through your your audience ally, I want your members to let us know that that you send them there. And we're going to give them that the UAE cup and a large 360 mug, it's nice snug in there. Oh my gosh, that's beautiful. And the first 10 People will send those out. And just because you've been so lovely, and I want to add something on. I would love to to offer those 10 people a 15 minute consultation with us on how to use the cup. And what to do with what to do with the results.

That's amazing. So tell me a bit of what is what is the cup like we don't have Walgreens here in Canada? or I shouldn't say that. Maybe not where I am. I'm not sure. So what what is that cup that you're talking about? The the plastic cup that I'm looking at?

So this is called the UAE cup? It's a urinalysis, yes. It's a it's an instant test. They they go to the bathroom and they and they fill the cup. Yes. And then we

heal the strip off. Yes. And it will show Oh, 15 panel.

Oh my gosh, like and what kinds of things will it tell?

Well, we can tell if you've used any kind of opiates, and it will it will actually separate them into whether it was morphine, whether it was fentanyl, whether it was benzodiazepines, whether it's even we can't take medications for people that are ADHD because there have been a

gosh, no, what are they called?

I'm sorry, um, the the term is escaping me, but they can't we have a list of medications that are not allowed. Right. Okay. And then there are also some things like I can tell in a urine if someone has drank three days before.

Wow, okay. So this really

was will help for if this if you've got a parent that's worried about their their child, or if you've got a husband worried about his wife?

Yes, you can go right now. And you can know there's a urinalysis and you can understand. And actually, you know, when you think of all the people and when we were talking about fentanyl and other drugs, I mean, you know, I'm hearing stuff about fentanyl being in like almost anything I mean, yes, a person could have it spiked in their their drink. Yes, but also it could be if they're smoking pot it could have been put in there like people I mean, it just it sounds

no sense with something like cocaine which is an upper and then you have a downer and then

you have it and the the person you don't know whether you're coming or going you you don't and the person that I love very much who passed was not into drugs pretty much at all, but it had a few drinks at New Year's. And someone offered him cocaine and he took it and he died. So it you know, we're

sorry. That's That's it. You know how common that story is to us today is so sad.

Yeah. I'm sorry. But so yeah, and we're just talking about it. People think when they talk about right now, fentanyl is a is a crisis across North America and probably far beyond. And when people are talking about it, I think they don't understand. You know, I had a friend whose cut you know, it was it was in pot and they just did ingested it and they go like it's just things that you're thinking, what are we talking about here? We're

right, and we're wondering it from a different paradigm right? I do From perspective and going, if you're a drug dealer, why are you killing your?

Yes? Why is this happening? Like, Why

are you killing your clientele off?

It doesn't mean that that's not even a good business model. It's not a good business model that makes no sense. And yet it's happening and it's happening a lot. And so yes, there are heroin and fentanyl and, and people who use those, those types of chemicals. But it this this thing is reaching far, far beyond that. And I think, you know, quite often those may be the people who are dying, because there is no resistance in their body to this. You know, I mean, it's, it's, it's well,

and that's a good point that you just made right there. So as like, the pilot that we spoke of earlier, who just two days ago got pulled off of his flight by the policeman, for being four times the legal limit, that you're able to drive the plane. It is getting into mainstream society, this COVID hasn't had an effect on us all. And we don't know what's going on underneath somebody's clothes. Well, you know, we're known locally here as champions for the marginalized, because we don't leave anyone behind. I would really love for all of your listeners to get help, whether it's through us or through somebody else. So in addition to our website there, where the the information is, is placed down, include our phone number, and we will take calls 24/7. And, believe me, if we answer calls all day long, we will help family members, friends, the addict themselves, but it usually is it does take someone else intervening for for somebody who's really got their pants on fire to turn around, right.

I love that term the pants on fire, because it's just in the visual, it's so all encompassing. And, and it's and it's often by surprise, right? Pants on Fire is, uh, you know, you didn't realize that you got a little bit too close to the campfire. And now you're up in flames. And it just takes you over so quickly. Yeah.

Call us they can call us before they get to that point. Yeah, that would be ideal. You know, unfortunately, right now, we do seem to manage a lot of people that are on probation, and we are handled to accommodate that. Okay, when you

say probation, do you mean in terms of through the correctional facilities? Or

some but I'm actually we do get some through the criminal justice system. Yeah, I'm actually more speaking to the probation that they're on at their job. Got it. They specifically have been caught. Okay. Exactly. And your listeners know of anyone that is in that situation that, you know, they're just, they know that they have a problem. They don't want to stop drinking alcohol for the rest of their life, but they don't know what else to do. That's when you pick up the phone, and you call us

because it's all about bartering. Right? Because whether it's I mean, we can change things and whether it's addiction or, or even just using something for a little while to get by as a white call it that could be you know, you hear people I mean, I, for me, personally, I like to go for a massage. Possibly, I'm addicted, I'm not really sure. You'd like to see that? Well, I haven't read for you light of it. But I mean, it's there's things that that we do, and they shift and they change. And then when times change, like you're seeing like with COVID or, or something else happens somewhat, you might not really even think you have a problem whatsoever. But then suddenly, somebody becomes ill and you're their caregiver and it's it becomes overwhelming or COVID happens or a job loss happens or

and I want you to know for your listeners to it really, really could have been just as innocent as switching from a glass of wine at the end of the night. Right? It will box the wine at the end of the night.

That's how insidious and how simple that all happens.

Yes, ma'am. Right? They tell you it's not the last drink that gets you drunk. It's the first

101 is too many and 1000 is never enough. Yes, right. That's the AAA slogan, right?

In a two it's really that one. The problem isn't your last drink. The problem is you took the first one and you're wired in such a way that it does to you the opposite of what it does to everybody else. It makes you crave it no matter what distraction there. In fact, there's a poem called I Am your disease and it is so powerful. You know, I don't I don't want you dead. I want you miserable.

Wow. Right

and just caught in that cycle. But you know, again, to not make light of this, but let everybody know this could happen very, very easily. And there is no shame in calling and getting reaching out to ask for help.

Right. And I'm thinking what I'm thinking. So once someone reaches out and they get some help. Without obviously without giving specifics, can you think of a few situations or places where people were able to find their joy? Because when I look at, when I talk about people finding their joy, I really am specifically talking about we came through the trenches, right, we came through this horrible thing, because maybe not necessarily, of course, if someone just was born quite blessed, and they didn't have those situations, Well, isn't that grant? I don't know any people like that. But you know, I'm sure they exist somewhere. The really awesome thing that I love to see, and is once the person has come through that. So what are some of the stories that you might share? Of course, keeping anonymity involved, but some places some good stories, some, some happy endings, some places where things have turned around? And while you mentioned one that the gentleman had been, it was on ESPN that his wife saw, Oh, did they get back together? They stay together? Did they did? Oh, yeah. I do love a happy ending. Great. We've

had we've had actually we had several members of that family with us.

Beautiful. And so what are some of the benefits that we would talk about that can be very generic? As people start to recover, so we know what tragedy looks like? We know what pain looks like, job loss, addiction, losing their money, their homes, their lives, livelihoods, their families, all of those things? What does it start to look like for you, because that's got to be the big payoff, you see a lot of pain. And I'm guessing that the payoff is the year later, five years later, 10 years later, when you're seeing people thriving instead of surviving?

Yes. In fact, we joke because my husband and I have no children. I've mentioned to you that I was critically ill. And so we that was a conscious choice that we didn't have children because of what we know what it does to our dogs. Right, right, to go in and out of the hospital. So but we have started this lodge and have all these children who have grown up in the last 13 years. And the ones that are great are the ones that get married, have babies have a life that they never even believed that was possible. I'll tell you a story is Case in point that's it's one of the most touching stories of transformation that I've found in all of our 13 years, we had a boy on the spectrum. And he was self medicating. Okay. And mostly, I don't know why on the spectrum, but we see a lot of alcohol and pot combination on the spectrum.

Okay. But

so everybody else just said that this boy was not going to make it. And nobody would take him. So we spoke with his mother. And we had never had anybody on the spectrum. Well, we decided to give it a shot. Okay. It took him three times to go through the lodge. But he is and has been with a sober roommate for two years. He's 26. He's living on his own. He's making his own bracelets and selling essential oils. He's doing success his own way.

Right? How are you? We're so proud.

He I mean, he's actually working with us now, to reach out to more people on the spectrum. When when he first wouldn't even acknowledge that he was on the spectrum, you wouldn't acknowledge the mental problems. He just didn't want to deal.

Addiction he could have handle, right, but he couldn't handle that he's

disability, autism. That's right, cognitive challenges. And I find quite often and have, you know, within our own family, and the years, the decades that I work within the disability community, there, I find that the harder parts and I don't know, maybe addiction might be like this as well. I think the more challenges when I know people who they're what we call, they're, they they're very high functioning, that's what is kind of a common phrase used within the disability community. And basically what that means is just that you meet this person and you wouldn't necessarily know that they have any cognitive challengers. That's right. Of course they don't hear on the inside, though, they might know that they have some memorized phrases that help them to fit in, they've learned to, you know, be a little bit quiet sometimes. Or maybe they just appear like they're really loud and outgoing or whatever it might be, but they appear to not have any cognitive challenges. And where that can be harder for them, of course, is that they are struggling in secret. So it makes sense to me then, that if alcohol or any other drug becomes a way that they find to cope, well, they've already mastered hiding things.

Hiding, running dechaine Yes,

all those things,

staying hidden has already been a way that they've found that was necessary in order to survive. So that makes sense to me. Wow, well, that's it. I love that. You have such a so many beautiful stories and so many wonderful things in the stuff that you do. So now you and your husband now you've had this business for almost 14 years. How long have you been married?

We will be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary on the 17th of March.

Oh my goodness. St. Patty's Day

so we didn't write we started a business. We got engaged. Oh, no, no, we started a business we started dating. We were engaged for a year and then now we've been married for almost 10

Oh my gosh. Well, congratulations. Happy anniversary that will be coming very shortly year. That's wonderful. So I guess we're gonna wrap up. And I just want to thank you so much. I what you're doing is so powerful and I can just dis being just zooming with you. I can feel the incredible energy and love that you would pour into each and every person that comes through your doors. What a gift. What a gift I can just imagine it's so everyone who's listening again if you want to find out more about Adrienne Tiki and a boat, remind me again. Everyone. Jim is your husband. That's right. And your place is called the lodge. What's the name of the lake I'm so sorry

Delray at Delray Beach

at Delray Beach, the beach, it's wonderful so that the connect all the contact information you are going to be able to find out from below. And honestly, like Adrienne, so so generously offered, contact her. And you know, if you need to reach out do that, whether you're in the United States, Canada or anywhere else, contact if it's not Adrienne context, somebody and there is hope, and you can be living a very full life. Also, if you're a family member or friend of someone who is struggling with addiction, and you find that that's impacting your own life. There are helps out there. So thank you very much again, Adrian, I appreciate it so much. This is Ali, from find your joy, and thanks for tuning in. We'll talk to you all soon.

Thanks so much for joining me today. If you found a piece of your joy in this episode, I would love to hear about what came up for you so that we can continue to grow the impact of this show. Thanks again. See you soon and Remember, find your joy.