Taking Care of Yourself

0:00

Hello, and welcome to the show. I'm your host, Joseph Devlin. And today we're going to be reading from Chapter Six taking care of yourself, which is from my book, a step out of darkness, how to help someone enter addiction treatment, and walk with them through recovery. And as a reminder, just gonna read some parts of the book, and then I'll expand on certain points, so let's get at it. In any given moment, we have two options to step forward into growth or to step back into safety, Abraham Maslow. I stated before that one of the most frequent questions I get asked is how do I walk with someone through treatment. The absolute best way to support someone through treatment is by getting yourself in the best mental, physical and spiritual condition possible. Start by having a primary focus to love and rejuvenate yourself. I invite you to participate in the following exercise to help you stay in good mental, physical, and spiritual health. On this page, or on a separate piece of paper, write out your responses to these following steps. One, write down five people you can talk to about anything to Next, write three things you can do every week to help your body stay healthy. Example, eat an apple every day. Three. Now write down three things you can do each week to help develop and nourish your spiritual life. Example, read pages out of a spiritual book three times a week. Four. Lastly, and this is crucial, right out of commitment that you will tell to the people in step one, everything you wrote in steps two, and three. When combining and your chosen to people open the door to allow them to check in with you every 30 days about your progress. If you follow through on this exercise, you will be amazed at how much better your life will get and how much better you will feel. Now that you've completed this exercise, I want to take a moment and talk about support groups. Your loved one is currently being encouraged to engage in a support group, and I'm encouraging you to engage in a support group. The most effective support groups are the 12 step based groups such as Al Anon or NAR anon. These are family groups for loved ones who have been impacted by somebody struggling with an addiction. Now, no one will go through exactly what you're going through because every situation is unique. However, benefits of these groups include meeting other people who have had similar stories to yours, and can relate to and identify feelings and emotions that you've experienced. You will also learn about the 12 steps, which is a process that your loved one is currently being educated on. While in treatment. Al Anon recommends that you attend a minimum of six meetings before deciding whether to stop attending these meetings, or to continue. A note of encouragement here is that many times when we're doing something that makes us feel uncomfortable, it may be the very thing that we need to do in order to be successful. In addition to the 12 step community, there are great support groups through your churches, temples or community centers. The key is that you are engaging in group and that you do not have to do all of this alone. This is worth repeating. You do not have to do it all alone. You may find your support group and karate, yoga or book club. It is imperative to incorporate a community support group in your life. As your loved ones recovery process is a lifelong adventure. There will be highs and lows. And as long as you're in fit mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and behavioral condition, you will be able to be the best help for your loved one, as well as for yourself through this recovery process. Many of us have been so entrenched in helping our loved one enter treatment that we do not even realize how time consuming this has become. Our loved one has occupied so much of our thoughts and time that we become almost nervous when there is quiet peace or downtime. And we are unsure what to do when we are engaged in a support group. Others help us walk that line between being consumed with our loved one and taking care of ourself. I'm going to stop there. So really key points I want to bring out here is when you get involved in a support group. You're making friends and really lifelong friends. Yes, I I refer back to the 12 step community, it's, it's an easy place to build a support group. And I'm going to encourage you, when you go to that these meetings, to like, stick out your hand and introduce yourself or raise your hand and introduce yourself. Because the folks there at that meeting, they want to support you. They know what it's like to be the new person, they know some of the pain that you're experiencing. However, at the same time, many of them are going to give me your space because they remember what it was like for them when they first walked in the doors. And there was nervousness or anxiety. And they kind of wanted people to give them a little bit of space. So but as you reach out for help, I want to let you know that that hand is always going to be there for you. And as you make those connections, it's so valuable. I can remember times where you know, when I was working at the treatment center, and I was doing an assessment for somebody and like, I knew the mom was out there in the waiting room. You know, there was another woman there with her upon further discussions with them. You know, the mom shared with me how important it was, this was a woman she had met at one of the 12 step meetings that she was attending. And she said she was really helpful today, because you know, my loved one, they were like, Hey, can we just come back tomorrow, you know, in the head come up with a reason that, hey, there was something else they want to take care of at home. And with having that other person there with her. It gave her the strength to say, hate No, let's we're here right now, let's just take care of the assessment. And let's listen to what they have to say. And then maybe we'll go home. You never know, in any given moment. You know, there's so much chaos and so much emotions that are running with the addiction, that you know, you're just so happy your loved ones there at the assessment that you're almost like, Okay, well, maybe we could come back later, like, but now you got another rock next to you. And they're saying, Hey, listen, this is the time and this is the place, let's let's take care of what we came here to do. Look, there's a lot of great support groups out there. And I just want to say I want to go back to saying I think it's a great idea to find at least some people in the 12 step community who are in your support group, because they already know they've been through some of this before. And it just reminds me of a movie I watched about climbing Mount Everest. You know, people go and they hire somebody who's been there before. They were trying to climb this peak, and they're going on this journey with other people who, who have the same goal in mind. And before they actually go up, you know, to the peak, they actually take, they take three hikes to get used to the path first. You know, it was great having a guide who's already been through those paths before, so that they knew the way to go. And it's it's the same thing with the 12 step community finding people who've, who've been there who can share with you their their experience, their strength and their hope that things can be different and things that they navigated successfully and things that maybe they wish they had done differently. These folks that you meet in your support groups, could be somebody that you actually place a phone call to, and let them in on your exercise that I had suggested in our reading today. As a very quick way to build up that bond and that commonality with one another and just inviting people into your life. In addition to being part of the 12 step community and having a support group, I do encourage you to get engaged in in other support groups, or such as book clubs. If you enjoy cooking, getting into a cooking club, if you're engaged in your church, fellowship through groups, they're all of those will bring you life and give you you build up that strength, that mental, that physical and that spiritual strength for yourself so that you can be the best for your loved one and for yourself, which in turn helps build that solid foundation for your loved one as well.

9:48

And just remember being able to share something with somebody who's who's experienced the addiction and their family has been impacted by it. strengthens, it makes it a very quick strengthening of a bond between the two of you. You have something that you can share. And that's something that you can really encourage each other through. And because you have that similar experience, it's not something you have to try and explain to somebody else. It's something that you already have that common bond and which helps quicken your physical, emotional and spiritual strength. I appreciate you being here with me today. And until our next episode, remember, sobriety is a family affair.