Cultivating Gratitude

Hello and welcome. I am your host, Joseph Devlin, and today on the show, we're going to discuss gratitude. So let's get at it. Gratitude is such a huge topic and something that I've learned to cultivate over the years, and you know, this shows about, you know, addictions and families who have a loved one in addiction, or those who are an addiction. And what are some of the the tools that we can utilize to be able to get out of that addiction and create different lives for ourselves and to enjoy life and to to be who we can be, not only as individuals, but also as a family unit. And gratitude is so important. It is one of those building blocks of a foundation, and it was something that I really had to learn about, and then I continued to develop and learn. And there's we know now today, with studies and neuroscience, just such the the impactful benefit of being able to feel and express gratitude, so much so it helps us down on a cellular level that I could if we're if we're practicing it and we're cultivating it, it's becoming part of who We are. It's almost like getting a flu shot. It's, it's boosts our immunity to such to such heights that, you know, we're limiting the amount of times that we get sick. So,

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today, I'm just going to talk about some suggestions on ways to cultivate gratitude and as well as ideas that we can do it together so we don't have to just do it alone. However, I do think it's important to discuss that. You know, when I was out in active addiction, I was not grateful. I lived a life full of shame and guilt, and we I almost utilized that negativity of the world to give excuses for me to live in my addiction. I could be like, Oh, look, you know, there's another war we're in. Or I, you know, was such a hard day at work, or, yep, those two are fighting again. What are we ever going to do about it? And it's like, you drink and you and you, you indulge in your substance, in this misery, that it's like, okay to to numb myself. It was okay to check myself out. And it definitely allowed, you know, the people around me when, if you're talking about those things, it like gives that freedom, gives that excuse to sit and wallow in that addiction. So you know, as I got sober this time around, and I've shared this before, I felt a gratitude. I felt a gratitude of not being tied down mentally and physically, to the obsession and the compulsion of having to use each and every day that alone when that feeling is gone, I was able to sit in and rest in and just be grateful for every day I was waking up and people around me would say, Wow, man, you're always in such a great mood. What's going on? And quite frankly, it was because I was really glad not to be in that state anymore. And you know, another thing I did to help continue to reinforce that I was grateful to not simply be using, you know, but to have that gratitude for life is I did a gratitude list, and I did it every morning. Broke down 10 things I was grateful for, and did it with, like my morning cup of coffee or orange juice. It just depended on what I was drinking that morning, and it took me no more than two minutes to do and as I was writing them, the one thing I wanted to start doing was I didn't want to write the same 10 things each and every day. So I started training my mind to look for things that I was grateful for. Hey, I was really grateful for that guy holding open that door, for that older woman as they walked into the store. Oh, man, I was so grateful to hear the birds chirping. It just reminded me of being back home. It was, it was the small things as well as the big things. Oh, man, I'm

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so grateful. I'm

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30 days sober. Wow, I am. I'm really, really grateful for this whole week that, man, it's been a year since I've been sober.

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really feeling that. And when I did that, when I when I stopped, and I was, I was feeling these things. I didn't realize that I was doing it at the time. But what it was, was I was cultivating a place like we were, we are made up as a mind, body and spirit. And when I say, Hey, man, I am really grateful. Uh. For this blanket, because it's really warm and comfortable. You know, I feel that on a physical level, I feel that on a cellular level, there's this feeling my sensories kick in, and I can, I can literally feel the blanket as I'm sitting here talking with you. And then, you know, from my mind, it's like it connects to how the body is feeling. And I'm starting, oh yeah, I got that, like, I got that warm and fuzzy in my chest, and it's just radiating, and it just feels wonderful. And then, on this spiritual level, it's like, it's part of it is who I am, that's I become this gratitude. And also, you know, I have this way of like we can look at that, you know that two feet, you know, radius of my heartbeat, of that vibration I'm giving off, and now I'm giving off this other vibration. And that's just the tip of the iceberg on some of the things that are happening as I'm doing these gratitude lists. And you know what happens is, with human nature, is that I was doing these gratitude lists, I was feeling great things were moving in a great direction. And then after three and a half years of doing this, I just simply stopped doing it. And it was because it was working, and I didn't, all of a sudden, fall into a negative mindset right away. Was something that happened gradually, and I started noticing the negatives a lot more, putting a lot more emphasis on that than I was on the things that I was grateful for. And it wasn't until I, you know, I started writing my book, that I got back into writing the gratitude list, because I found it very difficult for me to suggest for people to do something if I'm not doing it myself. So part of the book was about writing about that. So I, you know, so I started implementing that again in my life, and in this time around, I learned that, you know, simply writing it, hey, I am grateful for, you know, this, this song I would say, oh, man, I am grateful for I had a tiger because it gets me inspired. And it was so critical to go from I am grateful for whatever that was, because whatever that was, it was so like, crucial for me to be able to do this, because what it was doing was taking the gratitude from my head to my heart. And today I really enjoy that I'm a very heady guy. I want to information and I want stats, and I want all these other things, but I also want to feel it like I want it to be part of who I am. And by making that simple change in my gratitude list, you know, hey, you know, I'm grateful for music because it allows me to dance. It was like, oh, yeah, that's right, it's all that much more appreciation I have for music the next time it's on, and it often gets me to dancing a lot sooner than it would have in the past. So I'm going to encourage you to begin writing that gratitude list each and every day of 10 things, I'm grateful for something because something, and this is where it starts with the individual. When I begin doing this, I begin seeing the world in a much different place. I'm much, much more grateful for all the daily interactions that I have. And when I'm cultivating that in myself, I only it's like I only want to give that out to other people, so I'm looking to even find ways that, oh, how can I have gratitude with everybody? So, you know, here's going to be some suggestions that I have for, you know, cultivating within your family or your friend group or with another friend. You know, in addition to, like, making a gratitude list, you could do gratitude journals. You know, you can have a person you know, each person in your family you know, do a gratitude journal, and then you could share it together. You could also create a gratitude journal you know, together yourself, so you can each you know kind of contribute to that list. And it really is that it's, it's, it's fostering that habit of really recognizing the positive in all of our lives. You know. Another thing that can do is, you know, by me taking the lead, is expressing thanks, you know, for anything that's going on. You know, you know. And an easy place to do that is just by simply having the conversation during meal times. You know, when I'm encouraging, like expressions of gratitude, the things that I'm grateful for? Oh, man, you know, I'm really grateful that, hey, my computer was working today, I was able to get something updated, and was be able to. Get a podcast out today, and it's cultivating this culture of appreciation for my family as we're together. So find those places. And all of my suggestions are going to be talking about really creating these ideas of these mindful moments, meaning that like taking a moment to just be grateful, because we have so much information coming at us today. We are just, we're bombarded. I mean, just take a look at, like, you know, the news cycles, right? Like, there could be a problem on Monday, that's pretty big. You know, could be a war somewhere. And by the time, you know, Saturday rolls around, we've already had so many news cycles that that war that happened that was so detrimental that we needed to, you know, focus on is almost like in the past. And you know, there's there, because there's a new, you know, greater news thing that happened on Saturday, like, you know that there was, you know, a tornado somewhere, and people were, you know, hurt and but like, we just, it's, it's almost like we become numb to these things. And, I mean, that's a whole nother podcast. But so if I look at it from that negative standpoint, where I can see it pretty easily. Now it's like, okay, well, let me take the mindful moments of gratitude, and as as I'm seeing something and something's occurring, can I cultivate a point of gratitude for this? I can't help you know, I know I brought up a negative suggestion, but I often think of, you know, Mr. Rogers, and you know, he caught, he, he, he credited his mom with saying, like, you know, in all the tragedies, look for the heroes. And you know, even in those myths, of those things that that are these events, these horrific events, let's, look, let's look for the heroes. Let's look for the helpers in that situation. And can it's just beginning. We're not ignoring a problem, but we're looking at, okay, what can we focus on? What can we what can we do differently? And what are the things that maybe gives us opportunities to operate differently in the midst of challenging situations. So these, you know, again, some more of these, these suggestions I'm going to give you. It's, I mean, I understand it's difficult in the time of addiction. It's almost like, Hey, how can our family continue to, you know, can, how can our family do this? Because there's so much, you know, there's this addictions right at the forefront. And, you know, again, I would say this is a good time to kind of, hey, feel free to contact me. I'm happy to help you, kind of set up environments and work on the strategies and skills to be able to cultivate a place so that, you know, we have the proper safety set up within the home, but allowing ourselves to establish the culture we would like to have in our own home, in our own lives. So with that being said, I mean, another thing that's, you know, I highly suggest, is writing thank you notes. If you notice somebody in your household doing something, write them a one to two sentence note saying, Hey, man, I'm really grateful for, you know, the way you took out the garbage, or, Hey, I'm really grateful for you. You know, talking with your siblings the other day, and that's like, that's just something. It doesn't have to be anything major, but it's just a quick thank you note. Another thing is a gratitude jar. You know, families that I've instituted this with, like, who've really grabbed onto this is you have a jar, and every week, everybody puts in one thing that they're grateful for, and it can be anything that they want. And then pick a day and a time that you're going to at least pull out, you know, a couple of these, you know, things that people are grateful for, and just talk about them. And, you know, and it could be everything, oh, man, we're grateful. You know, that the the dog went to the vet and everything was okay to over and over again, I know what ultimately happens is always somebody comes back and says, I'm grateful that we're doing this together as a family, meaning that they are just grateful for having the gratitude jar and taking the time on a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, whenever it is to discuss the things that they're grateful for. It's like it creates that environment so that we can really feel that gratitude.

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Other things we can do as a family is, some of you will want to volunteer together, and some places that might be just natural, because you live in the community of going to a church and so you just kind of volunteer there, but you can also look into the communities and look at, you know, soup kitchens, libraries. I mean, there are people. Are always looking for people to volunteer. You know, dog shelters. I mean, that's these are great places to be able to volunteer daily affirmations when you create them for yourself. And you for your own individual and you can also create them for the family as well. Like these are affirmations of who we are as a family. Hey, we're a family that serves together. And you know, you can say two or three of these in the morning before you go out and you go do anything. And this means that we're setting the tone for ourselves of who we are as a family. And, you know, in when we're doing those things, like, think about this too, is like that gratitude of celebrating achievements. If you've ever been on this side of you know, something great happens. Like, hey, you know you you get a promotion at work, and you feel like downplaying it, you know, to the people around you, that's really setting our mind up for the very fact of saying that was not okay to achieve these things, and it's not okay to be grateful for these or it's not it's not okay for us to be in the enjoyment for celebrating it. So we want to do the exact opposite, so big or small achievements, you know, within the family, celebrate them. Oh, man, we all you know, we made, you know, two home games together as a family, and we saw our brother or sister or daughter or son play in whatever sport. Man, yes, this is great. This is effort. We appreciate the progress and the effort that we're making as a family. Another thing I think of when I think of gratitude is that, you know, encourages, like the really the experiences over like material possessions, and that sense, I mean, like, Hey, listen, focusing on the activities that we do as a family and how we spend time together. And this is really easy to do. Like, when you go out on a walk together, whether it's with your loved one, like, just one on one with a loved one or as an entire family, and you just start spotting the things that you really enjoy on the walk. Like, oh, man, I'm so grateful that there's this creek that we have in our neighborhood, wow. Like we have, like, Look at the fish that are hanging out there. Look at the ducks that are there. All of these things, you know, begin to cultivate the gratitude within the family. Another thing that I like to put out there is, like, these, these acts of kindness. You can make a kindness calendar and say, Hey, listen, this is something we're going to kind of go for each week, or even, like a thankful Thursday, you know, on Thursdays, we're really going to just discuss, hey, the all the things that we're really grateful for. And, you know, this just, it would just change the environment of the people that you're talking to and around your home. And it's going to really cultivate inside of you that love, like that loving and that being of being grateful and enjoying life, and it's just going to make it so people really are going to enjoy being around you and your entire family. And the last thing I'm just going to say is is really looking at celebrating milestones. There's so many other ways that we can continue to cultivate gratitude, but I want to say is celebrating miles milestones. And these can be anything from family, celebrating the time that somebody chose to be baptized, a time that, hey, listen, we, you know, we got the guinea pigs in the family, and now they're part of our family, and what that was like. And these things that we sometimes often take for take a for granted, but it's all becomes a part of who we are so and all of these suggestions that I kind of put out to you, it's just a way for us to be able to communicate our stories, and it does help. I will say, as I'm often noted, that man, you know, like, we don't want things to be so like Regent and robotic such as, like the gratitude list I'm grateful for blank because of blank, however they these other activities have a way of just incorporating these conversations into the things that I'm grateful for, which allows me to feel that from my head to my heart to my body and onto that spiritual level. And you know, this is so important because, you know, with somebody in addiction, you know, tying this back around is that, look, it's very easy to see what's wrong with the world. And if I'm not living in that gratitude, and I'm not being able to see that all these great things that are happening around me all the time, that I lull myself back into the idea that, well, life isn't all that great. And hey, listen, I know one thing that's going to take me temporarily out of feeling this negativity, this these problems, is if I numb myself for a little bit, or I just give myself a little bit of joy temporarily with the substance, and then I can go back. Like to live in this life of you know, I like the addiction is not going to hurt me that much. I just needed for a little bit you begin taking some of that excuse off the table, because you see the world as great as it is, and that there's no real need to ingest the substance. Do some do, you know, participate in my addiction in order for life to be better, because it's perfect, just the way it is. It's great just the way it is. And, you know, we begin to just really have that opportunity to create this amazing environment around us and our family. So I want to thank you all for being here with me today and until our next episode. Remember, sobriety is a family affair.