Slowing Down to Speed Up

I don't know how to slow down. I don't know that pace. That's not me like my go getter, ambitious, goal driven, like, those are the things that I know how to do. And I guess that's what I'm comfortable doing. I'm not comfortable slowing down. And I am certainly not comfortable with the idea of accepting that I need to because to me, that felt like failure. That felt like weakness that felt like the ultimate invulnerability. And this is like, in my core, and again, if you feel like personality types, I'm in Enneagram eight. This is my absolute core fear around being vulnerable in that kind of a way.

This is The Entrepreneur School Podcast where we believe you can run a thriving business and still make your family a priority. This show is all about supporting you the emerging or early stage Entrepreneur on your journey from solopreneur to CEO while wearing all of the other hats in your life. My name is Kelly Sinclair and I'm a brand and marketing strategist who started a business with two kids under 3am, a corporate PR girl turned entrepreneur after I learned the hard way that life is too short to waste doing things that burn you out. On this show, you'll hear inspiring stories from other business owners on their journey, and learn strategies to help you grow a profitable business while making it all fit into the life that you want. Welcome to Entrepreneur School.

I hardly even know where to start with this episode. But it's something that I really want to share and talk about. Because I don't think this is a topic that we can talk about nearly enough in entrepreneurship and plus motherhood. And that is burnout. And I experienced this recently, though, I certainly didn't want to admit that that's what was happening. And it took me far too long to recognize that that's where I was, and to do something about it. So it's this is a bit of a cautionary tale, or recap of what's been going on. For me, it's still fairly fresh. And I don't entirely know that I'm at like the end of it. But I know that I am at a place where I can reflect back on some of the experience and some of the awareness points and be able to share that so that you too can maybe use this story as a lens for yourself to identify whether or not you're feeling burnt out or at risk of being burned out and so that you can take some action and do something about it. So I have hinted at this a few times in the last little while if you've been following along the podcast, or on social media, and that is that I went on strike. I liked this term for what was happening. I wasn't sure what I was going to call it. I was like, I'm not working for a while and I went over to a friend's house and said, Yeah, I'm not going to work tomorrow. I don't know what I'm gonna do. She's like, Oh, you're on strike. And I was like, love that for me. Love that for me. Because it means really renegotiating with myself about the way that I would show up for work the way that I would energetically be pouring myself into working when I also have the reality of being a mom with two busy kids in activities, you know, trying to manage the household, the schedule, the meal planning, all of those things on top of being an entrepreneur.

So I let me give you like the timeline and sort of what was happening. I was feeling I've been feeling like very stressed and just like heavy and low and not my usual self because my usual self is pretty bubbly, pretty upbeat, pretty high energy, like, very optimistic. I've, I've developed this muscle for a long time, through everything that I've gone through just personally in my life dealing with a mom who was unwell for a really long time, like and dealing with, you know, a lot of crises around her health over a number of years. So I really, and I think our family adopted this ability Ready to always be looking forward tomorrow is going to be a better day, all of that kind of stuff. And I felt myself really struggling to, to be in that space, like, everything just seemed like it sucked, and it's not going well, and it's getting worse and land like, and as we know now, and in reflection, I can see that, when you're in that energy, you'll just attract more of that energy, right? That is the law of attraction that when you're vibrating down there, that's what's going to keep coming at you. And it's, you're always going to be proven right? If things are hard, and life sucks, you will be proven right. But if things are easy, and life is amazing, you will also be proven, right? It's just challenging to switch your own mindset from the, this is hard. I'm finally seeing that this is hard. And I don't know if I can do this anymore. And you just, for me, I was feeling like out of energy, I just like like it had my foot on the gas for so long. And in my business, like running a business for over six years at this point. And I feel like I've had pedal to the metal the whole time. Like, it makes sense that you can't really keep up that level of output for that long. Like I always, I've learned another thing about myself in my human design, I'm a generator, which means that when I'm excited about something I can like go all out, like the Energizer Bunny, for as long as as needed to do that thing, as long as I'm feeling fulfilled by it. And apparently, I wasn't feeling fulfilled anymore, because I was trying to continue at that pace, but not having the same kind of like, I guess, results that I wanted, what not. So obviously in business, we have goals, we want to be successful, we want to make money, we want to have programs that work, we want the clients who want to be able to do the kind of work that we want to do. And things were just kind of like unraveling for me, and not where I wanted them to be. And I just couldn't really stop focusing on the fact that it wasn't where I wanted it to be. And it was just discouraged and felt like I was going backwards a little bit. And like just a side note on that. There is no business that is a straight line up in terms of growth, revenue, all of that stuff, there are going to be dips, there are going to be dips in the results, there's going to be dips in like, how you have to show up and work you need to take breaks, okay? And I take a lot of breaks, I'm a big fan of breaks, which is probably why I felt like I didn't deserve one or I shouldn't need another one. That's kind of where I was at. And I around Christmas time I started going back to counseling and to like be like, Hey, I'm not feeling cool. I need some tools to get myself out of this funk. And, you know, I was going to my counselor every couple of weeks or whatnot, and we get to march. And we've like, I've gone on a two week vacation to Hawaii at this point. had Christmas break. I should feel like redo I feel like I should and notice this as a theme. This word should. This is what causes all the problems is when you think you should be doing something, seeing some kind of result or feeling something but you're not. And you're constantly comparing yourself and you're just noticing the gap there around that. That's where I was and it was the beginning of March and March is a time of year when I go through some like emotional trauma reliving around when my mom passed away. And my tendency has honestly been to fill it with distractions. So 2022 in March, what did I do? rebranded my company did a big launch rebranded my company relaunched a program brand message mastery, like I that's what I did. And I had every intention on doing like a big scale that thing again, and then just taking like casually taking March 16, which is the anniversary of her passing. Just take that day off because that's the day I'm allowed to be sad. That's the day I'm allowed to like, stop for a minute. This is what was going through my head. So I go to my counselor in early March. And she's like, What if you just could stop? Like, what if you could just slow down? What would it be like if you took some time off? And I was like ooh, this I don't know how I don't know how to flow down I don't know that pace that's not me like my go getter ambitious goal driven, like, those are the things that I know how to do. And I guess that's what I'm comfortable doing. I'm not comfortable slowing down. And I am certainly not comfortable with the idea of accepting that I need to. Because to me, that felt like failure. That felt like weakness that felt like the ultimate invulnerability. And this is like, in my core, and again, if you feel like personality types in Enneagram, eight, this is my absolute core fear around being vulnerable in that kind of a way. But it's making me feel yucky just thinking about it. But that that's what I had to get over, I think it's really important that I share that, that I didn't want to because I didn't want to feel like weak, I didn't want to feel like there was a possibility for others to think that I couldn't handle it. Because I'm supposed to always handle it. That's just how my life has been. I'm the one who handles it. I'm the rock I, if somebody's not going to do it, Kelly ought to get it done. That's how life goes. And, and that's how we've always been doing it. But despite having come back from a lovely two week vacation in Hawaii, very recently, before this conversation, and having a big plan of a big launch I was going to do and I had already, like put out a boot camp and I sold tickets. And I was like, Huh, what if I did stop? What would that be like? And then when I decided, Okay, I am going to try this. I'm going to try not working for a bit. And I I carved out like two weeks, I was like for sure two weeks, because that's going to take me up until March 16. And that's, you know, my day that I'm not going to, I'm not going to want to be working on that day anyhow. So I made the decision, I refunded everybody who had purchased tickets to the boot camp, and I felt lighter right away, like who Okay, so that was like validation that that was the right thing to do. And while I didn't necessarily know exactly what, what it was, and wasn't going to do, like, obviously, like there's balls and balls are in the air and things are rolling. And I've already like made a few commitments. So I decided to continue with the commitments that I had already made, and allow other things and just allow like, I'm not going to pursue new things in this timeframe. That was one of my rules. And when I started my strike, I made rules for myself. And one of my rules was no goals. Because I know that my tendency would be like, well, if I'm not doing work, then what I should do is fill in my time with like cleaning out my closets, and reorganizing drawers and all those things that everybody did in COVID that I never did.

But I said no, no goals, no goals allowed. If I feel like doing something, I will do it. If I feel like doing nothing, I will do nothing. And I will learn. And that's what the process has been is a learning of not judging myself for the things that the things on that list, the things I could check off that feeling of doing, which is like, I think for any high achiever or anybody who's goal oriented, that's how you measure your productivity. And that is how you measure your worthiness. And that's really where I was stuck. And what I've been trying to unravel for myself for the last few weeks is detaching my own personal worth and feeling of worthiness to the things I produce. And very much that is about the things I produce in my business the results and bottom line the money. So I was in a place where subconsciously not aware of this at the time, I was telling myself that I sucked and I didn't believe that I was worthy or had value because I wasn't making as much money as I wanted to make more thought I should be making or even that I actually had made in the past. Hmm I can't believe I'm saying this out loud right now, but I am because maybe you feel this too and you don't even notice in it for me I didn't notice. So it's a huge wake up call to notice that and to allow myself throughout the days of my strike, to just check in with myself and say what do I need today?

Hey, I just want to pop in for a second and chat with you a little bit about content creation, you know that thing that you know that you're supposed to do in order to get visibility and find clients online? And you know, you're just not finding time to actually do that thing? Because it can be overwhelming to think about, what am I supposed to write? What videos should I be sharing? Where am I going to have the time to make all of the beautiful graphics that go along with having a lovely Instagram page, all of the things? Well, I made for you a tool called the simplified content system. And inside of this, you're going to find exactly what I used to be able to plan and create all of my content in an hour a week. So it's a calendar that you can edit, that you can put in what you're doing, where for any kind of platforms, whether you're using Instagram, other social medias, whether you're doing email marketing, whether you're on YouTube, all of it can go in one place that links nicely to this beautiful caption document. And I've also created a number of trainings and templates for you to make it even easier to get your content out and into the world so that you can be seen, so that you can get clients and so that you still have time to go to all of your kids sports activities. Okay, so you can grab it at entrepreneurschool.ca/content.

The first day, I went and dropped my kids off at school, and I'm home by about 8am. I went back to bed until noon. Hole my Yad, like I slept until noon. I can't even remember the last time that I have done that. And I felt so good. Like my body needed that rest, it was very clear. I had a lot of naps. Over the course of those few weeks, a lot of naps, a lot of watching TV, and I was watching this as us because that show was cathartic. It is very emotionally, like aggravating. I don't know if there's a better word, but It like makes me go into my fields. And I don't like I like to decide when I'm gonna go into my fields. But it does that. And of course it for me it was a very straight parallel to my own personal experience in being part of watching my mom's health decline and her ultimately passing away. So I would watch that show I had the whole last season to finish up and that this is really the only thing that I actually want to achieve is finishing this as S. Which is like, what the one on the day that I actually finished the show. I thought to tell my husband like oh, I didn't do anything today. And and I thought I did immense, intense, personal, emotional work today. That's what I did. Because I watched that I cried all the tears. I journaled. Like I did some things there that were definitely needed to be done in terms of like connecting with myself and my emotions. And I had to, like my natural instinct would have been to say, Oh, I didn't do anything today, because I just watched TV. But I did I was like, It's not about the doing though, which is the point that I'm making. It's not about what you do, or don't do what you check off a list or don't check off the list. That's not how to measure your progress, or your worthiness. And as I'm speaking this out loud, it's very much a message to myself as much as it is to you. So I hope that you feel that this is not a lecture of any kind. But sometimes it takes somebody else like for me, my therapist to hold up a mirror and say, Hey, I think you're tired. I think you're burnt out. You can do something about this, you have the opportunity and I did and I feel very grateful that I could actually make the choice to essentially not work very much anyways for however long it took.

So that was I don't know it's been a few weeks it's been probably it's been about a month since I've made that decision. And I have since felt like rejuvenated i I never said by this date I will make a decision. I didn't put any like real restrictions on it or like rule rules or anything that was like constraining. I had to allow it to be flexible and fluid as I went through it and eventually Leave, like even actually quite early on, I started noticing as soon as I stopped trying to control everything to do all the things and make all this effort and like this feeling. Ultimately, what I was feeling is that I had to sit down at my desk for at least six hours a day or more. When I was it was work time. Like if my kids weren't home, it was work time, that was my routine. That was my habit. And that's what I felt like I was supposed to do. And it wasn't necessarily seeing the results from doing that. And was like getting very frustrated, like I was banging my head up against the wall. And so with the strike, I was like, not going to do that I'll sit down, and maybe I'll, I'll open my email once or twice, or I'll do whatever I feel called to do. And things started happening, like opportunities started coming up. And people started reconnecting with me without me initiating anything. So that was another rule of my strike new initiating new things, so starting new things. But if I felt compelled, or I felt like called to respond or check my email, or have a call with somebody, I would do that thing. And I had inquiries about working with me, I had projects that people wanted to work on together, and I had collaboration opportunities that came out of the woodwork that I just had let go and allowed. And the reality was, I realized, by stopping, I'm not really stopping. Because I've, I've already done things like I've put things out, I've put out enough into the world, that at some point, these things can come back to me, I'm not doing nothing by quote, doing nothing. And that's how I had to justify it to myself at first. And now I realized that it's not about the doing, right, it's about allowing. So I was able to move myself into a place where I could allow those kinds of things to come through. And now after about a month, I do feel reenergized, I do feel excited again. And I do feel emotionally and energetically available to do the work that I want to do. It's given me ideas, new ideas, new ways to work with people, I just decided the other day, I was going to reopen one on one coaching spots with me, which is something I haven't done for like three years. So I decided this is a new way that I can work with people really directly and get really back in touch with my clients and hear where they're at and really support them, and hold them through helping them understand their brand and get confident about it, and allow for them to be able to make their brand stand out. So that's a decision that I made. And I feel excited about it. And truly like I know because I can feel it in my body, I can feel it in my heart, when something is right when it's the right time to do something. And instead of getting contrast to how I was feeling when I was thinking about the last thing I was launching, and I was feeling very forced about it.

So that is a clue that I'm now aware of and that you can look at as well as if you feel like you're forcing something, or you hear yourself in the little voice in your head, telling yourself that you shouldn't be doing something or achieving something or, or acting in a certain way. And you're shooting all over yourself. That's a sign that something needs to change. So I just wanted to share this with you because I am very glad that I took the time and I pushed myself into the discomfort of admitting that I needed time. And all of the other things that had to feel like, Oh, if I go to winners in the middle of the day, on a Tuesday, I feel judged. Like Like I must not have a job I must not have anything like important that I do. That sounds gross saying it out loud. And then being able to go to winners on a Tuesday and be like, This is awesome. It's the middle of the day and I'm shopping and I love it. So huge transformation there for me huge growth. And I hope this like sharing this experience with you is helpful in some way that you can notice perhaps before you get to the point of being so burnt out that everything that you do feels frustrating and like it's not working and like nothing's ever going to work and that you can build in a little bit more grace for yourself and flexibility and and whatever it is that you need in order to get to a place of feeling in that flow. it because the flow state, that's that's the dream, that's the ideal place to be. And for me, I still don't know like what that necessarily means around my schedule. I've been playing around with a few things like, not working after my kids get home from school. So truly like shutting it down and not feeling like I'm going back to sit and try things. And also just believing in myself that if I got something to get done, I'll get it done. Like, I know that it's true, I launched this podcast in under 30 days, because I can. So if something comes up that I do really want to push for, and I'm going to allow that it's not going to be structured that I can only work, you know, 20 hours a week, and no more. But if I'm inspired, and I'm excited, I will and I will allow myself to do that, like I'm recording this episode on Good Friday, because I want to. And I have the space to do that. So flexibility and permission and allowance. That's got to be the the theme that I have uncovered, through going through this experience. And I would encourage you to look at how you can incorporate those things into the way that you operate. The way that you show up the way that you push yourself and give yourself Grace at the same time. Because at the end of the day, you're the boss, you are the CEO, you are in charge of your destiny, hear of the way that you operate in your business the from the number of hours that you're going to give to it to the energy that you're going to put into it to the time that you might take out for yourself and I tell you, I am so excited for summer to come and to be able to go paddleboarding or golfing or hiking in the middle of the week on a weekday. Yes, like I'm pumped about that, where at one point in time, I might have thought that that was like cheating in some way, shape, or form.

So yep, this has been a little bit therapeutic for me to talk through. So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. And as always, if anything about this resonated with you, I would love to hear from you personally, please feel free to reach out to me on Instagram and send me a message. Let me know what landed and what you're going through. Because sometimes we just need another person to know that we're not alone. And you're not. You're not alone. I love you.