Gain Confidence From the Colours You Wear (TBC)

I had such a profound effect on me that my income doubled. I am more confident to stand in what I am and who I am and what I offer. Which means when I'm speaking about what I can offer somebody, I know that that's my gift. I have I say, my superpowers, wordplay. I have a gift for writing. And are there better writers, of course. But it depends on what you want to read. It depends on what you want to receive. Because we all have different styles and unique things about us. There's no one in the world that has this specific creativity or skill set that I do. There's a world that has the specific creativity or skill set that you do. Yes. So when we deny ourselves, and we don't share those things with the world, we're denying the world with those gifts, we're denying each other.

This is The Entrepreneur School Podcast where we believe you can run a thriving business and still make your family a priority. This show is all about supporting you the emerging or early stage Entrepreneur on your journey from solopreneur to CEO while wearing all of the other hats in your life. My name is Kelly Sinclair and I'm a brand and marketing strategist who started a business with two kids under 3am, a corporate PR girl turned entrepreneur after I learned the hard way that life is too short to waste doing things that burn you out. On this show, you'll hear inspiring stories from other business owners on their journey, and learn strategies to help you grow a profitable business while making it all fit into the life that you want. Welcome to Entrepreneur School.

Welcome to Entrepreneur School. Amy, I'm super excited to chat with you today.

Thank you, Kelly, it's lovely to be here. Thank you.

So I'm pumped to get into conversations all about colors and confidence and what you wear and what you surround yourself with and how that affects, you know how you show up in your business. But the first thing that I want to ask you as I do with all of my guests is what is the best advice you would give yourself, if you were back at the beginning of your business,

I would say the best advice that I would give myself would be that first of all, you are enough, you are perfectly you are and show up that way. honor yourself and show up that way. Because the right people are going to find you. And the people that aren't the right fit. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with them. There's just so many options. Like I don't really believe in competition in the big scheme of things. I believe in collaboration, and I believe that we can do the exact same thing. But when we show up authentically as ourselves, and we're truly loving ourselves, we can love other people and spread that. And the right people are always going to connect because who's for you isn't for me? And who's for me? Is that for you? And that doesn't mean like necessarily Oh, you know, we have to draw boxes around who isn't isn't for us. It just means that the right people will always come to you when you love yourself and show up as yourself. So you're enough just how you are.

That's beautiful. We can just wrap it up here oh my gosh. It's 100% aligned with everything that I believe in as well. And but yet, as moms as as women in business, we often have, you know, these fears around what happens if we actually step in and do that, if we define that and we take you know, we step up and and show up confidently like that you must have your own story that helped you come to that awareness. We don't start with that level of awareness for sure.

Not at all. So I woke up one day in my early 30s I mean I had been entrepreneur had been all these things was busy was the mom was the wife was the you know running the business I had with him was doing my own business daughter, sister you know all the all the titles, all the rules that we take on right? In doing so I forgot all my dreams. I forgot who I was. What I was it was a toxic relationship so I can start there. What I wanted didn't matter. What I liked, didn't matter. So I stopped caring. Like I stopped liking things I stopped not stopped caring. But I stopped having a say I stopped wanting things because what was the point? And then all of a sudden I was single and it was great. I could rediscover life. I was still a mom, I was still all these things. I actually went back into like a nine to five type of position. My kids were in high school, you know, I had to finish raising them and caring for them. And I realized I didn't know who I was. I didn't recognize the woman in the mirror none of the dreams I had growing up mattered, they didn't come true. Like I had lost them. They they were gone. In doing so I started slowly starting to collect myself again, because it's disheartening when you're 30 something. And you know, getting back on the dating apps and friends wanting like making friends for the first time in yours. Oh, well, what do you like to do? I don't know. What do you want to eat? I don't know, what do you want to drink? I don't know, how do you got? No, how do you not know what you like. But what I came to realize is going through all these roles. I mean, my story was a little, hopefully more extreme than most women. But, and I say hopefully not because like, I want to be extreme in that manner. But I don't want other people to experience that if they haven't already. Please don't. That's what I mean by that. But anyway, what I realized is that in playing all of these roles, fulfilling all of these roles, we tend to fragment ourselves. Because a lot of these roles are conflicting, and require very different things of us that require us to let go of other things. And as we fragment ourselves out, we become just pieces of who we are. And that actually isn't serving us or the people around us, including our kids. So when we start to love ourselves, and give ourselves that attention, and give ourselves permission to matter, and like really love ourselves, that's how we can show up for all the things that actually matter to us. And that's how we can also take a moment to really differentiate between what matters and what doesn't. Because we can show up and be all these things for all these people, because we think we need to, we really don't, right? It's okay to say no, it's okay to let go of things that aren't really serving us or fulfilling us so that we can put all of our attention into what is.

Wow. Well, thank you for sharing that story help? What was like kind of eye opener for you? How did you like, come to realize all this, because I think so many people can relate to that just like, you know, you're going through the motions of all the things that you're doing, and you're so busy that you don't even have time to focus or think or reflect on what what is actually happening. And then hindsight is always 2020 to be able to look back. But absolutely, there was there a particular like trigger point or, or something that you discovered that helped you start.

Kind of all around that same time. I mean, it took years of healing and growth to obviously get to where I am now. But that was all over 10 years ago. And around that same time I was looking at my kids, that's what made me actually exit that relationship as well. I'm looking at my kids, they were in ninth and 10th grade, they were 14 and 16. And I'm looking at them realizing that kids don't do what we say they do what we do. And I picked up on all the patterns that I had picked up from my mom, from my grandmother's from my aunts. And I realized that this life that I'm living is not what I want them to live, first of all, second of all, who am I going to be when they graduate? Because they're going to go be adults and live their lives. And I'm going to be sitting here alone with no life. Like because I didn't know what I like to do. And I didn't have friends and I didn't have those things. So I built those things. Because number one, I wanted to be that example to them more than anything. So like the I stayed with their father, because to keep them I had to that's a whole different story. I didn't give birth to them, they came with him. So I've had them since they were wanting to they are my babies, and I I live for them. So I knew that leading him, I wouldn't have my kids. So I endured for that purpose. And I realized that I was teaching them something far worse. I told them, You know, I never talked garbage about their father to them. But I told them, This is not a healthy relationship. You're not supposed to treat people that way. You're not supposed to be treated that way. And it got very volatile toward the end. And I had an open conversation with them. And I let them know that I understand. You're watching me do exactly what I'm telling you not to do. But I'm here because I'm choosing to be here until you guys graduate. And whenever you guys both graduate, I'm leaving with nothing but the clothes on my back my father's ashes. That's all I want. I don't care about anything else. And my 16 year old son looked at me and said, You should have been gone. He said you're not supposed to let somebody control you and treat you that way you should have been gone. And I felt like I've been Sucker Punched because I thought I shielded them from most of it. And clearly you don't kids seeing here and feel so much more than we ever want to imagine. I said you know he's not gonna let me see you guys anymore. And they looked at each other and they said we're almost 18 It's not up to him. Yeah, I said, okay, like, Are you sure Are, they said yeah, they said, you, you've got to go, somebody's gonna get hurt, like you need to leave. So I called him at work. And I told him, Hey, when I get paid Friday and moving out, we were already in separate bedrooms, like, it was just kind of trying to maintain and be, quote unquote, roommates. But he still had that control over anything and everything I did at that point. And he started with the same stuff that I knew he would, oh, you're not their mom, you're full of crap, and you didn't care about them. I said, You know what, it's not about them. I'm not leaving them. I'm leaving you. And he was like, Well, you're not their mom. Yes, I am. And you can't take that away from me or them. I had been there mom for 14 years at that point. And when he realized that he lost control, he called me back and told me to become a flight to the other side of the country. He was seeing a woman there. I was like, okay, so he left and I kept the kids. He actually didn't see your certificates for eight years. They just restarted their relationship a few years ago when his father passed. So I mean, it was worth it. And I told my kids, because for a while my oldest son was really angry with me for staying in that situation. And I told him, I would do it all over again. Because look at my life now. Like I have you guys. You guys are the greatest gift I've ever had. But also look at what I've learned and look at who I am today, I wouldn't be this woman without those experiences. Would I repeat them? No. But I'm, I'm so grateful for where I'm at, and everything I've learned and everything that I can share with other people so that hopefully, they can love themselves fully, and be there for themselves, which trickles down to being there for everyone else, that the cliche saying you can't pour from an empty cup. I believe that wholeheartedly. And now that I give to myself, and I'm creating my dreams, and I'm living my life on my terms, man, I'm so much better for the people around me. Like they can receive me and my gifts so much more.

Amy, this is an incredibly inspiring story. And I think people listening whether they can relate on the relationship journey, or just the the journey of like, overcoming something incredibly challenging in your life, or quite honestly, like without reducing what you went through, because that was definitely a lot. It's it's something you have to learn how to have that resilience on a daily basis as an entrepreneur, when you're when you have, you know, when you're running a business, and you are managing a family and you're trying to, you know, be the best version of yourself as a mom, but also try and figure out how to, you know, make money and get yourself out there and put all these things together. There's, it's a roller coaster ride.

It is it totally is. But just just to be clear, our bodies and our minds don't rate trauma, we do that. So like I can tell you all the things I've been through and it's like awful. But even I used to I drove Uber three for three years, like full time as well in Vegas, because so I mean, entrepreneur, I could work as much as I wanted. Oh, yeah. I wrote a book using a lot of those stories. It's fascinating. But I use the analogy for a young lady who's in an incredibly wealthy family, who never get told no, never gets told no. If daddy takes the keys away, so her little convertible. That's traumatic, because she's never been told no before. Who are we to do like most of us will look at that, like spoiled brat. That's silly. But in all honesty, that's a traumatic experience for that person's experience. So I don't read that, like what I've been through. I mean, we all have stories. We've all been through heartache, pain loss, it's all the same in our bodies, and in our physiology. It's all the same. So but yes, yeah, the roller coaster on relating it to, oh, my goodness business. Am I going to make payroll? If you have employees? Yep. How am I going to pay my overhead to keep my business up? Do I put groceries in the refrigerator? Or do I pay for the service, I need to get my business running all of that. It's it's all of those things. Hopefully, none of us are in that situation right now. But if you are just keep going. It gets better. Everything always works out. And if you can't see the big picture right now because it's too hard. Just take a deep breath and tell yourself like you're okay in this moment. And if you break it down to this moment, this moment, I'm okay this moment my kids are okay this moment my business is okay. We'll worry about everything else to figure it out. Later things will fall into place things will come break it down because nothing is too big that it can't be overcome when we break it down.

Yeah, yeah. Well, you're incredibly empowering and inspiring and I think everybody listening is probably just like I am which is what what is your like? secrets that what how do you get yourself to feel that way? How do you step into that confidence to be able to even talk about your story in the way that you're sharing it?

Hey, I just want to pop in for a second and chat with you a little bit about content creation, you know that thing that you know that you're supposed to do in order to get visibility and find clients online. And you know, you're just not finding time to actually do that thing. Because it can be overwhelming to think about, what am I supposed to write? What videos should I be sharing? Where am I going to have the time to make all of the beautiful graphics that go along with having a lovely Instagram page, all of the things? Well, I made for you a tool called the simplified content system. And inside of this, you're gonna find exactly what I use to be able to plan and create all of my content in an hour a week. So it's a calendar that you can edit, that you can put in what you're doing where for any kind of platforms, or whether you're using Instagram, other social medias, whether you're doing email marketing, whether you're on YouTube, all of it can go in one place that links nicely to this beautiful caption document. And I've also created a number of trainings and templates for you to make it even easier to get your content out and into the world. So that you can be seen, so that you can get clients and so that you still have time to go to all of your kids sports activities. Okay, so you can grab it at entrepreneurschool.ca/content.

I realized that for me talking about it takes its power away. Sometimes it does get hard, like because all you know, the the onion, right, we peel the layers back or cake or like layers of cake much better than cake. Yes, depending. But as we peel things back, we were at a different place. When we think about the things that we've been through, or we think about the hardships where we're at today, it's not where we were at when we went through it. So we're looking at it through a new lens. And that allows us to see a new layer. And so I believe that the work is continuous. I don't believe you ever get over something. I believe we get through it, we learn new tools, and we can better handle things or we 2020 as hindsight, we can look back and be like, Oh, well, this probably would have worked better. I'm being real with myself asking myself questions until I had no more questions. I mean, I'm still working, I'm still showing up for myself, I still have habits that I would like to change. But learning to love yourself is so incredibly powerful. And I don't mean like just the superficial love, like I had a shift in things a couple of months ago. I've been behind the scenes for most of my entrepreneurial career. And like ghostwriting and doing things like that. And that's kind of how I got to where I am, I had just released my first novel in my own name, I decided, You know what, I'm going to do this, I'm going to put myself out there and be vulnerable. And I met my mentor who typed me in the elements, which is basically deeper than the seasons. Because we use more than just your hair I in skin color. We use your core personality traits, things like that. At the time, of course, it was her thing. I had not been trained never thought about doing this. And I was going to a speaker's retreat to support somebody else, not even trying to be a speaker ended up giving a talk. So many things lined up that I I did not plan on. I was told she's going to change your life. She's going to tell you what colors to wear, and you're probably not going to be allowed to wear black anymore. And I was like no one is telling me I can't work. And so I saw her presentation, there was one thing that really stood out to me a picture a picture of Mona Lisa with a bright green border. And she said, what's the first thing you see will you see the bright green border, she switches to new slide and it's Mona Lisa with like a brassy colored border. You see Mona Lisa's face. And she said that's what we do to ourselves when we don't wear the colors that are aligned with us. So I say it's kind of like going, Hey, look at me see me? Well, my hands or my face can't see me. When we read the wrong colors. We're putting an invisible cloak around ourselves for it's hard for people to see us and connect. So anyway, I didn't have that full understanding at that time. She typed to me she told me I was a fire I figured with I'm kind of talking in circles. I apologize. I'm trying to stay in a straight line. Um, I figured she could tell me what to wear for like my author photoshoots book signings, anything like that, but I wasn't going to change my everyday wardrobe. I showed up as a water very soft spoken like no boundaries. Just very go with the flow. She was like yeah, you show up as a lot of as your fire. The one thing I knew I wasn't was a fire and I wore the color she said because I was going to prove her wrong. Now I understand that the actual fire trait. Typically when I when I'm set to prove someone wrong, I proved me wrong. This time I did not. And it was like what happened. So I embraced it. And as, as I embraced it, as I embodied it, my life changed. I gained competence because I was received differently. But I also saw myself differently. I gave myself permission to be who I was born to be. And I uncovered the trauma that that caused me to kind of take on these other traits to survive, because we learn survival even as children even growing up, we learn our role in the household, and how it suits us and our household to show up. So I took on these other traits, they're part of me, they're human traits. But I kind of focused on those traits. And that became who I was. But what is water due to fire? I was putting myself out, wow, I wasn't showing up fully for myself or anyone around me. It had such a profound effect on me that my income doubled. I am more confident to stand in what I am and who I am and what I offer. Which means when I'm speaking about what I can offer somebody, I know that that's my gift. I have I say my superpower is wordplay. I have a gift for writing. And are there better writers, of course. But it depends on what you want to read. It depends on what you want to receive. Because we all have different styles and unique things about us. There's no one in the world that has this specific creativity or skill set that I do. There's a world that has the specific creativity or skill set that you do. Yes. So when we deny ourselves, and we don't share those things with the world, we're denying the world with those gifts, we're denying each other.

You've covered so much here, like in terms of stepping into your own confidence, and loved hearing your why story. That's something that we talk about a lot. Like, it's important to me as a brand strategist, like that's what you have to connect you to know why you're doing what you're doing. And I always go so much more than like, because of the benefits of what I see when I do it, which you also it really is in intertwined with you with being able to like help people understand what their colors are to help them feel the confidence that they can feel that you want to empower people to do because of your own journey. Like it's just this beautiful circle that you've shared.

That's how I ended up like I, I got trained and certified to do this, so that I can help my friends because they were like something changed. And I need this in my life, wow. Income competence, the way you show up connections with with my kids with my relatives, because when you give yourself permission to be you, everything else, like all of the representative faces that we put on can fade away, and we can really be us. And so the connections can be deeper and more genuine and more authentic. And as we go through that, it just it's a beautiful thing. So I got certified and I was like, okay, just want to make my investment back. That's all that I want. So I'm gonna take on a couple of clients, and watching the transformations. I was like, Oh, this is this is my calling. Because right after that, the client that I was working with, let me know that he was simplifying and changing some things. And so my role would be drastically changed. So I was like, oh, okay, so, so I need to find something else to do income wise. And then I started talking to a few other people and they were like, Well, you already have a business. Like I was like, what I kind of accidentally started the business. I didn't intend to do this as such a focus. But it makes sense because that transformation and watching that competence and watching that spark where somebody where somebody sees the masterpiece that they are all your clothes are is the frame there's just the border, and I can help you find what's right what's the right fit for you or teach you how so that you can show up incredibly an authentically and outrageously you. But watching like watching someone's eyes when they see themselves in that beautiful light is that that's the most amazing gift that I get back from doing this. So that's um I don't know it's an incredible journey.

Oh my goodness, I love I love connecting with business owners who are so passionate the way that you are where you know, like I just a recognition that everything is not all we all have the same passions, but I'm passionate about your passion. And I think that that comes through so much in how you just shared all of that. We have to start wrapping up I'm I would stay here and talk to you all day. But can you tell everyone where they can find you online so they can connect with you more and learn more about what you do?

Absolutely. So embodyyourelement.com is my website specifically dedicated to the image consulting work that I do. It is a work in progress. And, well, Amyjanece.com amyjanece.com is right now focused on my authoring stuff, but it's going to be the hub of just kind of me. But thank you so very much for giving me the space to share. I actually didn't intend to share all of that story. But it, it comes out and it's a part of everything. And I'm incredibly grateful for this opportunity in this time. So thank you.

Thank you so much for being so open and vulnerable and inspiring for everyone here.

Thank you.