It is easy to take our anxiety too personally by letting it become our reality or identity. Like a galactic black hole, anxiety can seem to swallow all our powers and aspirations, leaving us feeling small and helpless.
However, anxiety neither demands our power nor aims to shrink us into insignificance. The key to making peace with anxiety is to avoid getting caught in its emotional charge and to decipher the valuable information it has to convey.
What if you could embrace anxiety as a friend, an inner navigator, or at least part of you that you want to pay attention to and be curious about? Join me for today’s episode to find out how.
Dr Friedemann's Key Takeaways:
Intro (00:00)
Anxiety Is The Number One Mental Health Issue (2:33)
Anxiety Is Has Become Somewhat Of A Friend To Me (6:17)
The Subconscious Mind Is Ultimately Responsible For (11:17)
Danger! Danger! (17:03)
Panic Attacks Are The Last Line Of Defense (21:08)
If Your Subconscious Can Be Convinced (24:39)
Stop Being Afraid Of Your Emotions (25:15)
Thank You Anxiety (29:25)
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Friedemann Schaub, MD, PhD, is the award-winning author of The Fear + Anxiety Solution. Dr. Schaub has helped thousands of people with his Personal Breakthrough and Empowerment program to overcome their fear and anxiety by addressing the deeper, subconscious root causes of these emotional challenges.
When you're anxious, what do you do? Usually, you're
Unknown:left with three options, right? You either fight your anxiety,
Unknown:get frustrated with it and angry and basically are in a constant
Unknown:battle with yourself, because you're not accepting to feel
Unknown:that week. Or you are running away from the anxiety, trying to
Unknown:distract yourself calling a friend turning on YouTube, and
Unknown:just not wanting to feel period. And the third option is that you
Unknown:just get in, because you feel that the emotion is too
Unknown:powerful, too overwhelming. And so all you can do is just have
Unknown:another day where that feeling takes over and keeps you
Unknown:trapped. Now, all of those three options are not really that
Unknown:great, right? Because it makes anxiety really some ways your
Unknown:enemy or your prison warden that just makes your life smaller and
Unknown:smaller and more and more of a battlefield than feeling happy
Unknown:and in contend like everyone else. Now one of the things
Unknown:about anxiety is that it makes you feel like there is something
Unknown:wrong with you right? And that you're the only one who's
Unknown:struggling because you're looking around and everyone
Unknown:seems to be happy. Instagrams are blowing up with just
Unknown:wonderful adventures and joyful faces, and then you feel like an
Unknown:outsider. Well, the truth is, anxiety is the number one mental
Unknown:health issue. And it's certainly something that millions and
Unknown:millions of people are struggling with. And the numbers
Unknown:that are real, are way higher than the numbers that are
Unknown:documented, because most people don't go to the doctor and ask
Unknown:for a prescription or to a counselor or coach to to get
Unknown:some help. Most people are slugging along trying to just
Unknown:somehow make it reducing the anxiety managing it. I had
Unknown:anxiety myself. And so it's really my kind of life, work my
Unknown:purpose to help people to overcome anxiety, but not in the
Unknown:way that anxiety is that what you have to struggle with for
Unknown:the rest of your life. But in a way that you're turning the idea
Unknown:of anxiety, upside down and seeing the emotion as an
Unknown:opportunity as something inside of you that just wants your
Unknown:attention. And once you give it the appropriate attention,
Unknown:everything going to turn around, you will actually see anxiety as
Unknown:a catalyst and maybe even as an inner Navigator, and no longer
Unknown:as this demon that can attack you at any time.
Unknown:Well, 10 years ago, my book about my personal breakthrough
Unknown:program on How To Overcome Anxiety, get published by sounds
Unknown:true. So it's anniversary time, the feared anxiety solution. And
Unknown:what I love about this book is that it has helped so many
Unknown:people to really shift their minds around anxiety, it has
Unknown:helped people to understand that anxiety is their responsibility,
Unknown:and not their burden to carry. And so today, I want to share a
Unknown:little bit about some of the things that are in the book,
Unknown:which will hopefully demystify and clarify the most common
Unknown:misconceptions around that emotion. See, as a physician, I
Unknown:always felt like that anxiety must have some kind of a have a
Unknown:reason to be around because it has been evolutionary preserved
Unknown:for hundreds of 1000s of years. It's very powerful. So it's not
Unknown:something that can be easily ignored. And it's something
Unknown:that's persistent. You know, when you have anxiety, it
Unknown:definitely is there to stay for a little bit until you figure
Unknown:out how to overcome it. And my anxiety was certainly you know,
Unknown:certain I think 25 years in the making started when I was very
Unknown:little and the pressures of having to perform well in school
Unknown:and the chaos at home with my parents not getting along with
Unknown:each other and all those things made my life emotionally
Unknown:challenging, and me more and more and easy. So I had
Unknown:sleepless nights before tests, I constantly scan around for
Unknown:things that can go wrong. I had obsessive compulsive symptoms,
Unknown:and I certainly have I also had panic attacks that just came out
Unknown:of the blue that made me feel overwhelmed by the emotion. Now,
Unknown:I wish someone would have told me how to see anxiety
Unknown:differently at the time when I had it. So it took a long time
Unknown:for me to change my perspective on this emotion. But what I find
Unknown:is that anxiety is has become somewhat of a friend to me,
Unknown:because without the anxiety, I wouldn't talk to you right now,
Unknown:I would have not have found my purpose, I would probably be
Unknown:still in a big cardiology department in in Germany. And
Unknown:mainly my own best patient was to heart attacks and pretty
Unknown:unhappy. So without the anxiety, I would have not waken up to
Unknown:that. What I really am supposed to do. So I'm very grateful that
Unknown:the anxiety was knocking at my door, and that now from what I
Unknown:have learned about my own anxiety, but also the 1000s of
Unknown:people I worked with through the last 20 years that I can share
Unknown:with you. And hopefully at the end of this podcast, ease your
Unknown:mind around the emotion, see, when you're really convinced
Unknown:about something because you've seen so many, many, so many
Unknown:times how well something can work, just when we make a shift
Unknown:when we make a choice to to perceive something differently
Unknown:and take really empowering action steps when you see
Unknown:something like this over and over working. And then you still
Unknown:hear unfortunately, people talking about how they are stuck
Unknown:in the anxiety and there's nothing they can do. And all
Unknown:they can do is just to get up every day and fight with their
Unknown:emotion. It makes me so motivated. And so committed to
Unknown:get the message out over and over again, that anxiety is
Unknown:something that you can handle because it's your mind that
Unknown:created it. And so you can also use your mind and teach your
Unknown:mind how to uncreate it.
Unknown:Now one of the myth around anxiety is that anxiety is a
Unknown:sign of weakness and that there's something wrong with
Unknown:you. And that ultimately, it's a burden, as I said, that just is
Unknown:your identity. This is who you are, and this is who you will
Unknown:be. I'm an example of that not to be true. And it's certainly
Unknown:not a sign of weakness because see, when I looked at anxiety, I
Unknown:at some point realized, wow, what if anxiety is just like
Unknown:physical pain and physical pain, like my cardiology practice I,
Unknown:you know, when people came with chest pain, you didn't say,
Unknown:well, your pain is weakness, you're wondering, hey, the chest
Unknown:pain, this could be a variety of things, but maybe you have a
Unknown:heart attack? Well, anxiety is an emotional mental pain, that
Unknown:really tells you something about a deeper wounds, something
Unknown:underneath that needs to be addressed. And that cannot just
Unknown:be ignored. Because as you may have noticed, the longer you are
Unknown:fighting the anxiety or trying to run away from it, that is
Unknown:more intense, and the louder it becomes. So it's not working
Unknown:because it wants your attention. Now, what is that deeper wound?
Unknown:What are those root causes that the anxiety is trying to make
Unknown:you pay attention to? Well, that brings me to another
Unknown:misconception, which is that the anxiety is nonsensical, doesn't
Unknown:make any sense. It's probably just a mis wiring in your brain
Unknown:or maybe some chemical imbalances. And why it may be
Unknown:true, that there are chemical imbalances that can also, you
Unknown:know, be rectified with medication. The wounds
Unknown:underneath the anxiety doesn't go away with medication, it may
Unknown:make you feel more relaxed and more able to really listen to
Unknown:what the anxiety is trying to tell you to look underneath.
Unknown:When you take medications. I'm not against anti anxiety drugs,
Unknown:but it's not necessarily the solution. And I believe we have
Unknown:to really not just use a painkiller and ignore that the
Unknown:heart is aching or that the foot is breaking. But really see why
Unknown:is that pain? Why is that anxiety there in the first
Unknown:place. But the fact that it's nonsensical has to do with you
Unknown:know, the place where it comes from, because anxiety doesn't
Unknown:come from the logical conscious part of our mind. Yeah, it's
Unknown:true. It's shows up at the most inopportune moments, it shows up
Unknown:at times when it shouldn't. It shows up when you know we have
Unknown:nothing to worry about. So yeah, it's not something we can also,
Unknown:with rational thinking or logic, talk ourselves out of it, it
Unknown:comes from the other part of the mind, the bigger part of the
Unknown:mind, which is the subconscious. And that subconscious mind is
Unknown:ultimately responsible for emotions, for beliefs for our
Unknown:value systems, it holds all our memories, even the ones that
Unknown:we're not really consciously thinking about. And it also is
Unknown:responsible for those patterns that we continuously repeat,
Unknown:just like you know, driving, washing our hair, cutting
Unknown:onions, playing piano, things like that, we are not
Unknown:consciously doing those things. It's just something that the
Unknown:subconscious has been operating, or operating for us. And so we
Unknown:can, even while we do those things, think consciously about
Unknown:something else. Now, it's a very powerful part of the mind, the
Unknown:subconscious. And I have often talked about the subconscious on
Unknown:the podcast, but it's also a part that was there for us, and
Unknown:try to support us, way before our conscious mind was capable
Unknown:to even string a thought together. Even in the womb, our
Unknown:subconscious is already at work trying to figure out if it's
Unknown:safe, what's going on outside the boundaries of the mother's
Unknown:belly, and is really, ultimately drawing conclusions from what it
Unknown:takes in. Now, when you think about your subconscious, you
Unknown:have to see it as a part of your mind that especially at the
Unknown:early stages, when you're a little independent, dependent on
Unknown:others, to keep you safe to feed you to give your shelter to
Unknown:attend to do to you and not reject you or ostracize you.
Unknown:That is the part that tries to keep you safe. So your
Unknown:subconscious is one big task it is really dedicated to it is
Unknown:your protection, it's your inner bodyguard. When you grew up, you
Unknown:may have felt that certain things like in my case, were not
Unknown:totally stable, predictable, and potentially dangerous. Like, you
Unknown:know, my parents divorcing or me getting read the riot act for a
Unknown:bad grading school. All those things didn't feel safe. And so
Unknown:the subconscious said, Okay, what do we need to do in order
Unknown:for you to stay safe. And this is where my anxiety ultimately
Unknown:became this radar system. You know, it's like a metal
Unknown:detector, that you're walking around on the beach, the anxiety
Unknown:is going around looking for potential danger and then
Unknown:deductibility. It sees, oh, wow, here is someone I'd really happy
Unknown:with you or there is a test tomorrow. So you have to be
Unknown:worried and really on your toes, because who knows if you're
Unknown:going to have a good grade or not. So the anxiety is a warning
Unknown:system, just like the anxiety would warn you, you know, in the
Unknown:good old stone age's when there was a big beast in front of your
Unknown:cave, or it's warning you when you are, you know, let's say
Unknown:staying at a cliff and you're looking down and it tells you
Unknown:okay, go back, because you may slide. So the anxiety is
Unknown:certainly there to protect you. Now, what the anxiety then early
Unknown:on, has been doing is drawing conclusions. So it said, okay,
Unknown:in order, it's coming back to my case, in order to be safe, you
Unknown:have to really always study very hard, you have to have straight
Unknown:A's. And you have to please everyone. And in order to make
Unknown:sure that the home is held together and peaceful. You have
Unknown:to be the peacemaker, you have to make sure that you are
Unknown:mediating between everyone trying to be the golden child's
Unknown:who just immediately makes everybody laugh. And so all of
Unknown:those things were my anxiety pattern in order to keep my life
Unknown:stable and secure. And those patterns repeat themselves. T
Unknown:and this is something that you would say are the root causes.
Unknown:The root cause is that the anxiety are still you know
Unknown:reeling from are those traumatic events when my parents were
Unknown:fighting or where you may have been, you know, really rejected
Unknown:or criticized or in school bullied or made fun off or all
Unknown:of a sudden some of your friends turn that back on you, things
Unknown:that you look back on to and say, Wow, this was really, yeah,
Unknown:stressful heart difficult. So this is one root cause those
Unknown:significant emotional events that are in our subconscious
Unknown:Memory Box. And because they are not resolved, they still are
Unknown:used as reference point for the anxiety to warn us when anything
Unknown:similar may happen. So when you go out, for example, and meet
Unknown:new people, and you have in your memory box, this you know,
Unknown:rejection or embarrassment event still kind of blinking as okay,
Unknown:this is something to stay away from, while you find yourself in
Unknown:a social setting in the corner, maybe avoiding to get close to
Unknown:anyone or striking up a conversation because you don't
Unknown:want to once again be laughed at or you know, someone making fun
Unknown:of you. Or when you are someone who really needs to, please and
Unknown:peace make because that's, again, one of those events that
Unknown:in the past has been blinking as Danger Danger when people are
Unknown:not happy. And when they are, you know, having a conflict, you
Unknown:may never say what you think you may always somehow just you
Unknown:know, be quiet, pleasant little bit of a chameleon, because that
Unknown:idea of standing up for your beliefs, too dangerous, too much
Unknown:of you know, the reminder of what could happen, which again,
Unknown:happened when you were younger. So resolving those events,
Unknown:understanding them from a different perspective, learning
Unknown:from them growing from them, that is addressing one of the
Unknown:root causes of anxiety, it's very important. And the other
Unknown:two root causes that I work with are that, you know, a limiting
Unknown:belief system that we are carrying around, for example, we
Unknown:can only be safe, if we avoid danger, or we can only be
Unknown:lovable and safe, if we are all giving and never asked for
Unknown:anything. You know what the belief of not feeling good
Unknown:enough, the world is not a safe place. We can not trust anyone,
Unknown:all of those core beliefs are anchored in the experiences of
Unknown:the subconscious. And, and therefore they still are, you
Unknown:know, running your life. And you still act accordingly. Because
Unknown:most people never really updated their values or their belief
Unknown:system, they're basically still operating as if nothing had
Unknown:changed in the last 4050 years.
Unknown:And then there is a third root cause, which is the
Unknown:fragmentation of the mind. And that is really a such an
Unknown:interesting part that you may have realized, you're struggling
Unknown:with all the time that the subconscious has two major
Unknown:purposes or tasks to keep us safe. And to make us happy. It's
Unknown:like the inner yin and yang, but they're not nicely creating a
Unknown:wholeness, they're actually really fighting each other
Unknown:because one wants to make everything somehow predictable,
Unknown:controllable and safe. So that's your anxiety site. And the other
Unknown:one says, No, let's get out and explore the world, take your
Unknown:race, meet new people take on challenges, and then you're just
Unknown:in a constant tug of war, you go one step forward, and then the
Unknown:anxiety holds you back. You're stuck in your anxiety, and then
Unknown:you get frustrated and look how everyone is passing you by. And
Unknown:then you want to go out again and do something. But again, the
Unknown:anxiety pulls harder, the more you're trying to get out of that
Unknown:comfort zone. So does that make sense? When you think about it,
Unknown:that there are deeper reasons why you have the anxiety, but
Unknown:you get so distracted by the intensity of the emotion, that
Unknown:you don't really look at those deeper reasons, you don't really
Unknown:pay attention to what could be underneath. Once you are
Unknown:resolving those deeper root causes, you can understand also
Unknown:that then the anxiety feels like hmm, maybe it's actually no
Unknown:longer true that this is a little boy or little girl who
Unknown:needs to be afraid maybe what is true is that the world is much
Unknown:safer, and that you are much more capable of going through
Unknown:life than the subconscious has thought and in the fear and
Unknown:anxiety solution and in my personal breakthrough program,
Unknown:those things are addressed and you will be able to resolve all
Unknown:of those. Now another misconception of anxiety is that
Unknown:anxiety is something that is ultimately more powerful than
Unknown:you. And I think a lot of people have felt that, right. I mean,
Unknown:you know, especially with panic attacks, you just feel like you
Unknown:can do nothing. And the problem is panic attacks is that they
Unknown:are like the last way, the last line of defense for the
Unknown:subconscious to get your attention. When you are having
Unknown:panic attacks, you probably had a lot of anxiety before, like a
Unknown:constant undercurrent of anxiety that you pretty much ignored.
Unknown:And then the anxiety, the panic attack just basically said,
Unknown:Okay, I have enough, it's like your subconscious having a
Unknown:little temper tantrum because you're just not paying
Unknown:attention. You know, the listening. A lot of people that
Unknown:have panic attacks have panic attacks, when they pushed
Unknown:themselves too far, you know, they, they have ignored their
Unknown:emotions, maybe they have done some self medication, or
Unknown:medicating or, again, nicely distracting themselves getting
Unknown:out of their comfort zone, making the opposite of what the
Unknown:anxiety wanted them to do. And all of a sudden, panic attacks,
Unknown:hold them in their tracks, literally brings them to their
Unknown:knees. This can be when you have been really, really working
Unknown:hard. And getting to higher and higher levels in your career.
Unknown:And all of a sudden, you get a panic attack, because you're
Unknown:almost at the top and your anxiety makes you look down and
Unknown:say, oh my god, what if this is all, you know, going away? What
Unknown:if you are found out as a fraud, or you are trying to be good,
Unknown:because that's what you were told to do. And all of a sudden,
Unknown:you you know, are in your late teens or in your 20s and you try
Unknown:out drinking drugs or doing things that you know deep inside
Unknown:a part of you is afraid of because it's making you out of
Unknown:control or it makes you different than you really are
Unknown:supposed to be in order to be acceptable. Again, you do this a
Unknown:few time the panic attack, say no note stop with us, we can't
Unknown:do this anymore, you are out of control.
Unknown:So the intensity has a lot to do with how much awareness you have
Unknown:on what the anxiety is trying to tell you. And also how much the
Unknown:anxiety trusts you. And this is a the final point that I want to
Unknown:make today that the anti died of anxiety is not the absence of
Unknown:anxiety. The antidote of anxiety is the trust that your
Unknown:subconscious has, in you the conscious person to no longer
Unknown:need the subconscious to take care of you. Or like me say it
Unknown:in a different way. If your inner protector is operating
Unknown:with the manual, the owner's manual from when you were like
Unknown:510 years old. It is of course doing things that don't really
Unknown:fit into your adult life anymore. But unless you the
Unknown:adult, are proving to your subconscious, that you are
Unknown:trustworthy, that you are someone who can make good
Unknown:decisions, who is able to deal with criticism or judgment who
Unknown:is not just going recklessly through life, who is able to be
Unknown:kind and generous to yourself and not just give your power and
Unknown:attention to everybody else. All those things that may in the
Unknown:past may have felt unsafe for your subconscious. If your
Unknown:subconscious can be convinced that you are the leader of your
Unknown:life, your anxiety will decrease dramatically. And for this to
Unknown:happen. You need to really consciously address your
Unknown:subconscious not with fear, not with anger, not with ignorance,
Unknown:but with curiosity, and compassion. So there are three
Unknown:phases that help you to overcome and ultimately outgrow your
Unknown:anxiety. The first phase is for you to stop being afraid of your
Unknown:emotions and really understand more now there is a message
Unknown:there is some pain inside of me there is something that needs me
Unknown:and I will pay attention to that. And often it really helps
Unknown:to listen to the anxiety to listen to the to the thoughts
Unknown:that are popping up and understand Wow, these are the
Unknown:same thoughts that I had a long time ago. These are thoughts
Unknown:that make me remember events that were hurtful and scary.
Unknown:These are thoughts that are pointing towards limiting
Unknown:beliefs of me not being good or me not being safe. And really
Unknown:addressing those thoughts as if you are talking to a child
Unknown:inside of you that is scared, that needs someone to hold on to
Unknown:that needs someone to wrap your arms around and say, Hey, I'm
Unknown:here, I get you, I understand why you're scared, because you
Unknown:must have felt alone in your quest to keep us safe.
Unknown:But you're no longer alone. That's phase number one, because
Unknown:then your anxiety becomes much more admission of care and love
Unknown:and compassion, then that inner struggle that you may have
Unknown:really felt was what anxiety was about for a long time. So you
Unknown:turn away from chasing the anxiety or fighting it towards
Unknown:embracing it and healing it That in itself already reduces the
Unknown:intensity because you do pay attention. The second phase is
Unknown:to address those deeper root causes. And I said, you know,
Unknown:you can do this with a book, you can do this with work with me
Unknown:individually, I have also video program. So really going,
Unknown:learning to work with a subconscious mind to heal those
Unknown:events that have been charged with anxiety and, and traumatic
Unknown:emotions, maybe hurt or sadness, or guilt or shame, to stop
Unknown:fighting yourself. And from fragmentation, create wholeness
Unknown:insights, and then also to change your limiting beliefs,
Unknown:replace them in much more empowering ways of seeing
Unknown:yourself in the world. That's number two. And the third phase
Unknown:is to really own that you are ultimately in charge of your
Unknown:mind, just as you're in charge of your body of your friends,
Unknown:family finances, you are in charge. And for that you are
Unknown:building more and more trust, trust in yourself, trust that
Unknown:you can make good decisions handle it. And so you want to
Unknown:really learn to feed back to your whether you're on the right
Unknown:track, give yourself a lot of positive affirmation, appreciate
Unknown:the contributions you make. Challenge yourself, but not in a
Unknown:way that pushes you too much so that you are again putting
Unknown:yourself into a sense of Oh, am and safe, but enough to
Unknown:continuously grow and build your confidence. And when you do all
Unknown:those three steps, the moment the anxiety comes up, you know,
Unknown:Oh, wow. It just tells me like a GPS, oh, I'm making here, step
Unknown:in the wrong direction. Maybe I have been thinking too much
Unknown:outside of myself and not paying enough attention to myself.
Unknown:Maybe I have lost my ways. And I'm not really on the good
Unknown:track. Maybe I'm just too exhausted. And I've gone to my
Unknown:reserve energies because I really felt the goals were more
Unknown:important than my well being and happiness. See, anxiety can
Unknown:really tell you just like pain, something is out of balance. And
Unknown:when you have the anxiety, you're not saying like, Oh, wow,
Unknown:here it is, again, nothing really works. You're saying
Unknown:thank you anxiety, because now I know I need to make an
Unknown:adjustment. And that is where the anxiety becomes your friend,
Unknown:a trusted friends. Just like you know you had a dog that really
Unknown:loves you. But also maybe growls when you're in danger when seven
Unknown:Trudeau would want to enter your anxiety growls a little bit when
Unknown:things are not quite the way they're supposed to be. And that
Unknown:is where the anxiety is not going away when you outgrow it,
Unknown:but it is coming to you inappropriate times and you're
Unknown:learning to respond to it. accordingly. It is creating a
Unknown:harmonious relationship with your conscious and subconscious
Unknown:mind with your head and your heart. And for me, the anxiety
Unknown:has shown me personally but also many, many of my clients who
Unknown:they really are. It was like before we were paying attention
Unknown:to our anxiety we were operating almost like you know
Unknown:unconsciously in ways that were imprints from others
Unknown:expectations from our peers or, or parents or family. And we
Unknown:didn't really know who are we what's what's our essence What's
Unknown:the truth, what is our purpose and through the anxiety. That
Unknown:was an ability all of a sudden to feel closer to yourself to
Unknown:understand yourself better and to ultimately also live with
Unknown:greater peace and harmony and for me personally and many
Unknown:others, to make a contribution in life that
Unknown:we really here to make. So don't be afraid of your anxiety,
Unknown:embrace it. Realize that the power of the emotion also tells
Unknown:you that there is something very powerful and caring inside of
Unknown:you that just wants you to find yourself to heal your past and
Unknown:to evolve into who you are meant to be.