Ep 061: Light Your Soul on Fire with Dijana Llugolli

Ever wonder what success actually means? How do you get it? And how do you keep it?

We all want it yet sometimes it feels only some of us get to have it.

Hi, Teresa and Blair here we are to badass entrepreneurs, best selling authors, coaches and business mentors, who have had success, felt success, questioned our own success and reclaimed it. Let's be real for a hot minute. 2020 has been a roller coaster ride, and many of us to start to wonder if they'll lose the things that made them successful. So we got curious, Ron real about what success is truly about?

Can you put it in a box?

How can you get it?

Can people take it away? Or are you the one with the power?

Does it mean the same to all of us? Or are we the ones that create it?

From PGA golf pros to doctors, CEOs, entrepreneurs and spiritual mentors. We get together to meet with successful people from around the globe to dissect success for vibrant conversations and interviews. Make sure you click the subscribe button on the app store because each week we will drop a new episode to bust through the myths around success and dissect its true meaning.

Welcome back to another episode of dissecting success. It's me Blair, and I'm here with Teresa Lambert and Dijana Llugolli, Dijana Oh, I'm so happy you are here. She is an award winning business coach who coaches online experts to launch with love and scale with soul, their online businesses through aligned and inspired action. Drawing from her studies in business and nearly two decades of experience as a serial entrepreneur. She helps her clients to reach $40,000 A month incomes in 90 days or less. Her goal is to inspire millions of women to be do and have whatever they desire. She's a true global citizen. I met her through a mentor. She has a podcast she is ranked top 3% globally ranked fearless and successful podcast co host or host right like That's correct me what's going on? Tell me about your podcast.

Yeah, so great to be here. I am just so stoked and so honored and so excited to jam with you. Are you girls? Yeah, podcast. Um, this is my hobby for now. And my biggest biggest passion I think that is just there is not I think there is none other way to connect with humans around the globe. As we do through podcasting, we podcasters just love to contribute love to have connections. I have three co addictions so if you bring coffee, Chai, chocolate and chat and we can jam that's my favorite.

I love it. Thanks for helping me on my stumble there that's awesome. And you know what? I'm just so honored that we're finally doing this because we've known each other for over a year and we've you know been trying to connect for a while and it is happening and I would love for you to share with our listeners what success means to you.

When does of this recording success literally means to be me fucking unapologetic about who I am being outer outer of my story where I don't need to gas gaslights myself where I don't need to shut down myself. That freedom MAN Yeah, that's success at this point.

be unapologetically fucking me. I love it. I love that is like, Oh my God, there's so much so much in this and I would just love there's something you said. And I want to sort of circle back. And it's it's a term you used without gaslighting myself. I'd love for you to dive into how you've come to this point. And and some people may not know, actually what it means. And just talk about that because I feel like so many of us unintentionally do that. Yeah.

So I'm a mom of three kids. And before that I when I was 17 I met a love of my life. We were good friends. And we just made life so adventurous and just like, so exciting and everything until the point our first daughter was born. And then my kind of way of seeing life, his wife, as an entrepreneur, kind of a switch Jerr to being a mom, and being a housewife, and you know, just holding the corners of the house, where, at some point, I even lost my identity, who I really want to be or who I am just, I think I forgot who I am. That's, that's the term I forgot who I am. And fast forward. So Ella was born. So she's 14. Yeah, for the past 14 years, I've been in this. I need to do everything that others want me to do. I am needed. And I'm gonna fulfill other people's needs my kids, my clients, my husband's, my parents, and whoever wants something from me. people pleaser. Just raise our hands. Right? Okay. You don't see the hand on the podcast, but this is, right. Um, no, all we who are kind of entangled in this personal development world, we know that, yeah, we have to have this purpose and mission and we have to serve people, we have to give love, we have to give everything to other people, you know, we have to have this bigger picture. But where this picture is me, right? If we, I forgot that I exist. If I don't feel my cup, if I don't light my soul on fire? Why the fuck do I do what I'm doing? Right? Um, and this literally came at one point, during pandemic, I just said, I can do this anymore, you know, to my husband. Now, ex. I feel that, you know, we are going into different directions, where you are in your geobee I'm doing this business, and we just don't communicate anymore. We don't have sex. We don't. We're not intimate. We don't talk, we just raise our kids and life is on autopilot. What the heck is going on? And he said, give me another chance give me and this was like a year, two years of another chance. Until last summer, I said no more second chances. I need to be first choice. First to me and to everyone around me. I'm not a second choice. I'm a freaking jackpot. And you're welcome to be in my life. Right. And this is how kind of this awakening came to. Yeah. Just being like, appreciative of myself, and then I allow other people to appreciate me. That's what it is. Yeah.

Thank you for sharing. How's liberation? Tell me, what's lighting your soul on fire? How's your journey into liberation? Where are you at now?

dancing through the lives it feels so good. Yeah, I think that I'm finally back to you know, I was a dancer throughout my childhood. And I always this was my happy place where I always like felt, hey, I'm a dancer, I danced. I was professional jazz ballet. And that was the place and space where I always felt connected with me the most. No one else exists just me the dance floor. And let's just tune into the vibe of the music of the everything. And now I feel that I'm riding the waves of life. And just going with a tune. What is the flow? That's the liberation who? I think that also the byproduct of that is that I don't feel that I need to chase anything. And there you know, there's this feeling that you always need to change something you always need to be somewhere. I'm here I arrived. I'm good.

I should I love dots. It's like, you know, we go through all these difficulties. And we move through them and we try so hard to make things work and we try so hard to please people and we try and we try and little. Like it's like that right? And it's just not working and so many of us gets stuck in this cycle of trying and trying so for you to go through this and be like, Fuck it, like, I come first. And then everybody else like my cup first and then everybody else right like, and it's just like, it always used to annoy me when people use this analogy, you know? And Blaine said you got to put your oxygen mask on first I used to get VD triggered and I'm like, What the heck? I just didn't like it. But what I didn't like about it was because I would put the oxygen mask on everybody bloody ELLs first. So I was like, why would I put it on me, folks? That doesn't make sense, right? Until shit, it's defend and you start realizing that if you're not who you are, if you're not really anchored into you, if your cup isn't full, what you do always becomes a result of trying to do it. Whereas now it sounds like you're being the person you want to be. And you're bringing that into everything that you do. And consequently you don't have to try anymore. It just works. Yeah, this is such magical shit, right? That call it shit. But it's not shit. It's magical genius. That's what I should have set.

Yeah, and I love that you use like, the word being, I think is like, you're not trying to be you're just being that's the liberation. You're not trying to do anything. You're just being and that's a beautiful feminine energy. Like, I think that I don't know about you girls, but for me, like, I'm a doer, I'm gonna get shit done. Like, that's what I do. And that was my identity for four decades. But now I realized, you know what, I don't need to get shit done. I just need to be to be, and that's good enough. Yeah, so I think that's the beauty of just realizing that when you are truly who you are, you know, everything else doesn't matter. Just in this, this moment, I'm truly who I am with the people who matter with the things that matter. And I'm super appreciative for this moment.

I think that's really powerful. How do you think, like, you carry that energy between your personal life and your business? Like, how do you? How do you marry them together and stay in that just being when you need to do so much? Like, we're Business Builders, you know, and you have such a vast experience, like the people you've, you know, you've done work with it like Tony Robbins and Mindvalley? And, like, how do you balance that?

I don't balance that's a word that I don't like, you know, we don't validate anything, right? Um, my mom, she was in a seven to three, job she could balance she would go to job and she would come home, you know, change her dress, whatever, and be mom, wife, whatever. She could balance, we don't balance. At least I don't balance. It is a harmony. I set boundaries for my kids. When I'm in my room, when I when I have my phone, my earphones on, you don't disturb me. It's my jam. I'm fully present. When I'm with you, when we play and fully present. That's attention. It's it's not like balanced eating. It's like, okay, so we kind of need to divide things. For me. It's like, okay, this is 15 minutes of undivided attention to you. I fully love you, I fully respect you. I'm here with you. You can get bored and you can get sick of me. Just tell me and we're gonna go and do something else. But for me, flowing between different roles also means that first, I take care of myself radical responsibility for myself care. My kids know when I'm in my zen mode. Don't touch me. It's my space. And before that, I was I always felt, you know, guilt. I cannot meditate when my kids scream around. Like I have to be there. No, I can. I'm going to show them that this is okay. I'm going to cry when I feel I want to cry. In the middle of the I don't know. Finding Nemo movie. I'm going to cry because something relates and something is painful. And I'm going to show my girls that it's okay that also girls cry. You don't need to be a big girl Don't cry. Um, I'm so kind of, yeah, just feeling everything I think and going with the whatever life brings to me Taking radical responsibility for myself care and also taking responsibility to, to have compassion and love towards people that mean to a lot to me. I think that compassion was something that I didn't know that I didn't express my compassion. I was just like, you know, when you are in the trenches of doing doing doing you're just kind of forget that you're Why are you doing and that love and compassion are the first thing that you have to think about. So yeah, I think through the lens of love, everything is just like fun. Yeah, connection.

Like, I've just having a moment. Because everything I've been through so much power in this reclamation, this radical responsibility for self care, but also showing up in full feminine flow, and showing everybody around you that that is exactly the way it's meant to. It's not bad, it's not good. It's not this. It's not that it's like an emotionally feeling it right, having these emotional moments and showing it, it's okay to cry in the middle of a movie. Like, why are we all like trying not to cry in front of other people in the middle of a movie, like, what the fuck is gonna happen? Like, if they see us cry? Like, yeah, something was sad, you get to grind something inside of you got triggered, to have that emotional response to claim space and be like, I'm gonna meditate, and my kids are gonna be okay, they can scream, and I'm still gonna meditate. And for them to learn not that we have to hold space and respect to space and boundaries of other people. I mean, there's there's so much depth, but the energy that comes from me from all that, it's just pure, and very powerful power. That is personal power. And it is so activating and magnetizing. And just, oh, like, this is what people are like, they would watch it and be like, how do you do that? Do you not I mean, like, this is the things when we be like when we find this way of being that stat rooted in who we are. People can't help it. But be like, what's the janitor? Like what is happening?

Like, what is she doing? Like, I want it like I want to know, right? Like, and oh my god, like I think that this is such a big like, message for people to understand is that your path there? Your path to disbalance came from just being like, I can remember who the fuck I am. And the second you did, and you started to just be there. Everything else started to adjust in a better way. Not you were not doing something you are not having a secret 10 steps to more balance in your life. You're like me, who am I? And then everything else is showing up for who I am. How I feel right now what I want, and everything else clicks into place without you forcing it there. Huh? And we just literally had conversation after conversation like about this and you wouldn't know this, but my mind is just like,

Teresa, why do you think why do you think this is happening in our world? Like, Deana? Who the fuck are you tell us who are you? Teresa? Who are you? And who do you want to be?

Yeah, so here here's the two two answers to that. So you asked why is this happening? Why are we attracting these conversations? Right? You are if you know that you are reflection my reflection? What do you need to learn from me? And if I know that I'm your reflection What do I need to learn from you? We are all of the time mirroring each other right? And there is like I believe that we are attracting people who have messages, their synchronicities whether you believe it or not everything and this is where I think why this is spot on. You at the beginning you mentioned Blair is that like this? Will we know each other for so long? We didn't like this Again, you know, from the beginning, this is the moment where you need this message and I need your message. This is perfect divine activation. Right? Who I am, is, I think is, you know, a lot of people are asking me this question, but I don't know who I am. I don't know, what's my purpose? Yes. You know, you just need to remember. And the question before that was like, What lights your soul on fire? I think like, not figuratively dancing. And just like everything that doesn't feel good in my body, that it's not a heck yes. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it. And there's that is there is like authenticity and integrity. So these are two values that we pride ourselves and integrity, okay, I'm going to keep my word. And also I'm going to be true to myself. And then we get into kind of a collision of these two values. So I said that I'm going to do this for my client. Or I said that I'm going to do this for my coach. That's integrity. But my authenticity says hack now. I don't want to do this. This is not true to me. So choose literally choose what is more important to you. Can you go back and still believe in being integrity and say, hey, you know what? I changed my mind and be okay with that. I made a mistake. Can you forgive me? I think that we have to take responsibility for our communication and to be true to ourselves. And just like have these deep conversations and have these you know what, I screwed up? I messed up I'm just a human and not a superwoman. What are you think I am, like a lot of people would say like, Yes, you are. No, I'm not. I don't want to be a superwoman. I'm not a superhero. I'm a human being. And that is okay. And that is enough. And this human being will create the most extraordinary, extraordinary experience in this life. This human being not Superwoman. Human being fucking the the queen.

Queen vibes. Yes. Oh my god. plast why we're having these conversations and and just hearing you talk and like, and you know, this question to who are you? Is, is he was such a question, but you know what I want to say to that, too, it's like, can we just all agree that when we say, I am me, and I fucking love it? That's enough. Like, I am me, who are you? I am me, and I'm fucking powerful and very fucking good at being me. Sorry, I swear you're not this podcast is going to get all of you because there's literally no more focus given. You don't need to be anybody. You don't need to label yourself. You don't need anything. You're just yeah, be very awesome at being you whatever that means in the day, in the moment in the week in the year because I feel like that is the journey. It is about becoming more you. It's about dropping the layout, dropping the shoulds dropping the shit dropping the people pleasing, dropping the idea of perfect everything right.

So stop giving fucks for things that don't matter. Like I think that's like we give a damn for everything and anything. Like just stop it. No, God cares. Care for your people and the things that matter like get super clear what matters to you and only give a damn about the things that matter to you. Prioritize that full stop.

I love it. I love it. And you know I feel like I mean I've always like I did this long quest stuff trying to figure out who I am and all this stuff and then anyways, I realized that VDI it's just I get to be whatever story I want to write. So if I don't like my story, I can just pick up the pen and rewrite it and yeah, go Yeah, like it doesn't matter what happened before but you know, it's funny being here today having these conversations this whole day. We started our day Ollie, we started with a powerful training for momentum clients, followed by q&a Now the fat, incredible interview in a row that we're having with really powerful women that all know who they are not based on their labels or based on their accomplishments or anything but just who really know who they are. And what I find really serendipitous on this was that I had a soul awakening experience in the jungle in Costa Rica in November, and I cleaned up a lot of ships. And my energies since I've returned has been clear. I have more clarity, I feel more myself, I show up, like I can feel I feel different. I give less fucks I got clean on a lot of stuff. And so now, for me Blair's asking why and I feel like she's just like, she's just like gone on this spiritual path even deeper, because truly Blair, you've been on it for a while. But I see these you and the other two incredible women. And I'm like, thank you. Because when we go and we take and this was a beautiful message, actually, somebody shared Annie's who, who's a medium, and she she channels guides. And we literally, I literally brought it up, she said something, she posted something on Instagram, and she posted. When you take the path, when you take the path less beaten, sometimes you have to check in with yourself to just like, like, sometimes you just have to have to check into to notice that you're still in the right place. Because we look for so much validation. But when you're on that path less beaten, you're not gonna find all the people along the way, because literally, you chose that path. So check in and I thought that was so powerful. And that's what's coming up for me. And so So you saying that we are each other's reflection, the reflection that I see is like, oh, yeah, there's a powerful woman who knows who she is. And so ally, I will

Yes, yeah. So good. I think that, you know, what we bought into in this, you know, in our industry of, you know, being service providers and supporting people guiding people whenever, I think we always trying to find our team, right, but also like, Okay, we are learning from other people who have their own one thing like, you know, there is just one thing through our lenses, we there is just one knowledge, that is oneness. There is not Tony Robbins, who invented NLP, there is not like, you know, this guy who invented this, that's universal knowledge. And we get to project that knowledge through our stories. And if you don't projected and painted through your story, then you're just copying someone else. That's the sadness.

Bingo. Bingo. We are snowflakes. But not in the delicate side. But in the uniqueness side, we are all unique. We are unique snowflake tigers. And you know, that's the thing like I tell my clients this all the time. It's like, look what other people are doing, get inspired, but make it your own. Like show up as you?Yes. And there is only one of you. And it's funny, I had just the conversation takes me back to a conversation with my mother in law years ago, where I like told her how it was, in my opinion, and our opinions and match. And it wasn't it was a kind of a heated conversation. But she came back to me and sits down and looks at me and she goes, You know what I love about you. Like what she's like, What You See Is What You Get? Yes. And so what if we all just showed up in the world like that what you see is what you get, like what you see about me on my instagram and my Facebook and my LinkedIn and in person is legit who I am like, I don't pretend, like what you see is what you get. And if we all start showing up as our authentic selves, with the lessons we've learned along the way. Imagine what the world would be like,

Hmm, so beautiful. So beautiful. And I think there is like so even Rosie and Tony Robbins are these partners that are like, you know, Dean was inspired by Tony 40 years ago, whatever. And now they're partners. So they're like 20, like 10 years, 15 years in between. And then we'll always say like, when you meet your hero, you make sure that like your hero has the same qualities as you kind of expected them to have. I think that sometimes we are always like Okay, so this is my hero. I didn't expected that when you show As a not as a hero, but as who you are all of the time. Even like in private and in public, and just being all the time who you are, then you kind of don't drop people's expectations you are, who you are. And the expectations of who you are, are just like, they don't mean anything. Because you are who you are. I people have this, okay, now I'm going to expect, I don't expect anything of Blair. I just accept her who she is. And I know that I'm going to get the full package. I don't expect anything, I just appreciate what it is. And if we would all just like, let go of expectations, that would be such a beautiful place to live in, right? When we can't, because like, people are just like, hey, I'm like this, but you expect me to be something else.

You know, it's so interesting that you just said that, because before I met my husband, I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic. And I did learn a lot in that relationship. But one of the lessons, something that he always used to say to me was that he has no expectations of people, because he hasn't a disappointment. And as I've gotten older, I understand that, but I've taken it into my own way. So, you know, that is something that's really powerful, like, accepting it for it is what it is like. And so it is not this idea of what you think it should be. But also showing up as yourself is so important to society as a collective.

People show this, you know, and this is the in online world, people showed us differently, like, right, and I think this is such a beautiful space we are in to change that, to change that narrative. Right? Because people have pronouns that they are not who they are. Let's just stop that.

I think that's such a powerful call for this industry to do better. You know, I feel like because you know, Noah to, like, I've signed up for programs and courses, and then you're in it, and it's nothing. It's nothing like it. So we can be, you know, incredible salespeople and, and get people to like, pull them out of the, you know, whatever, like muddy hole they find themselves in and be the saviors for these people. Or we can show up as the people that we are every day, at home, at work in everything on social media, we are being who we are. And we're sharing who we are through what we put out there. And when people come into this world, they're drawn in by who we're being, and they're getting who we are, and the content we are and the messages that we are and it creates a very different results. And I've experienced that because I've changed my mentors, and I've come from the feeling like I need them to pull me out of like to help me get my business going. Like it's like they have some sort of secret knowledge that I do not and so I need them. Now, it's like, I walk alongside other successful people and I have other successful people in my life that are coaches and mentors that are helping me to be successful together.

We are a coven of successful women. Right. I feel like I'm becoming a Kitchen Witch and a business witch and a social media witch in the best possible way. And I feel like we're in a coven. And it's true. You're not like walking beneath them. We're walking alongside each other and we all have something to learn. Yes, yes. Yes. What a conversation.

People are on the pedestal right? You're always putting these people on the pedestal. Why? Why? We are all unique. We all have, like, we all have a special cup. We all have something within that is greater than this person that you're putting on a pedestal. Just embrace it, just fucking own it. Right? Because people who are successful, they're already owning it. So your way, you know, you're you're missing the point. Just own it. And maybe, and, you know, sometimes, you know, I don't know for you. But there was a point where I felt like one of my mentors said, what can you teach me? Like, what an imposter? Can I teach her? She's serious. Of course I have. I have tons of life experience. I can teach you whatever you want me to teach you. And just like embodying that and embracing and accepting that you can contribute to someone else. Even if they have something else that you need, it's win win. Always a win win. Y'all got to bring something else in to each other's lives.

Shit. That's good. That's good. D Oh my god, we can do this forever. I'm saying that a lot lately. I feel I have no record. And today

I'm like, where's the time gone again? Where are you? I'm like, like, what is happening? Dijana?

Where can people find you? Where if people are like, Whoa, I need more D in my life.

Yes. Let's dance together on Instagram. I love me to have some farmers I love to goof around. Instagram is my jam. As of lately, so yeah, let's dance on Instagram. And then, of course podcast, tune in. You might hear Blair as well. Oh,

yeah. All her details are, are in the show notes. Yes, Theresa, do you wanna do the honor of dropping the final question?

Sure. This was such an incredible chat already. But let's go there. Because I feel like you have one more gem to share with us before we put a beautiful bow on this incredible conversation. If you would have to give people just one piece of advice on their journey of success to success. What would it be?

Okay. Imagine that. Oh, this this is good. Because we covered a lot. So I want to quit something that is like, you know, something that we didn't spoke about? Imagine that this world is a puzzle, a big puzzle. And one of the puzzles is you it's not about fitting into the puzzle of the world. But claiming your space in the world. Sorry about fitting into the puzzle but fitting your spot. You have a spot. claim that spot. Don't hide.

Mic drop. Oh my god, claim your spot. claim your spot. Oh, my God, Dijana, thank you so much. This was incredible. I am so honored. We're so honored. You shared this with you. I know our listeners gonna take so much away from this. So with that being said, thank you, thank you go claim your space. And we'll see you soon on the dissecting success podcast.

Thank you ladies. That was awesome.

That's a wrap for another episode of dissecting success. enjoyed this episode. Make sure to subscribe to Blair Kaplan Venables and Theresa Lambert's podcast dissecting success