Goats, Diabetes, and Stoicism with Consultant, Coach and Cook, Becky Schmooke

Welcome to diner jocks with James. slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be.

My friends welcome to another episode of diner talks with James. I'm James and I'm super pumped to be here with you all today. My friends I ate at a diner the other day that was so damn good. It's called owls breakfast and it passed my test where the best diners all close around the hours of two in the afternoon, maybe three o'clock if they're feeling fancy, but this place was incredible. He had to wait outside because it was so small, and also COVID. But they only had like maybe 12 stools and it was just incredible. Everything was homemade. Some of the best pancakes I had in my life. Great syrup. I'm telling you, y'all. I think we got to get diner chucks filming in there, so we got to figure out how to get Al's breakfast to let me in there and do some filming. But either way, my friends either way. That's besides the point. Nope, you've eaten some good food is the holidays after all these that's what I'm recording this and it'll come out shortly thereafter. But hope you all did well and got surrounded by loved ones and maybe you got some cool things in your stockings or in your whatever your gifts come in. Okay, let's keep it moving. Now before I say something wrong, y'all, I'm pumped to have my guest on today. I asked her a very long time ago and she was like now do that. Now I'm not I'm bigger than that. But finally got her on Becky and I met each other on clubhouse a number of years ago. And by years ago, I mean one year ago almost to the day probably right around one year ago. We met and she's one of the funniest people that I got to meet on clubhouse and and since then, I've just enjoyed getting to learn the way her brain works. We have very dry sense of humor, which worked great during inappropriate times. That I'm just excited for you to hear her and her absolutely ridiculous stories. Let me tell you a little bit about Becky smoke. The year was 1987. The month January and as the sun rose on the final day of the first week of the new year of blessing. I will skip over that part of the bio here. Way to write that though Becky. Becky's a founder owner and goat wrangler and dishwasher of Becky's mindful kitchen, a cooking school in the Midwest, home to summer camps, retreats, workshops, and most importantly, bachelorette parties. But after 10 years of studying mindfulness, leadership and stoic philosophy, we will come back to that she now focuses on mindful leadership consulting and speaking but fear not she still does live on the land and can split her own wood uses the chainsaw regularly teaches archery and fire starting she makes soaps and candles and skincare products to give to people. Basically, if her eyes are open, her hands are busy is Becky's philosophy. She's got two great daughters and a bonus daughter at that she's married and a type one diabetic who's almost died a few times casual. Well, let's bring around now as long as she's alive come into the table right now a diner talks. Shout out to Becky smoke.

Hey, you know what? I should have realized that you're going to read what I actually wrote. Last little bit. I was like, I don't want to do full sentences anymore. random effects. Oh, funny.

It's capable of adding a I can't think of any sentence structure of words right now. But you know what I mean?

The conjugation

Yeah, let's go. How are you today? Friend?

I am good. As we mentioned earlier in our chat, it is snowing. So finally feels like winter. It's just a few days too late for Christmas.

Like that makes a good snowmen for our talk today.

Well done I said a winner already. Thank God you don't edit?

Exactly.Not a bit. Becky this shows called diner talks with James and one thing that I know you know cuz you are one of the few people I know that listens to it. Is that is that you know, I love to start the shows off by hearing people's late night eating guilty pleasures. So I'm curious for you as someone who has very capable culinary skills, you're probably not going out somewhere but are you are you are you whipping something up? Is there something that you like to eat late at night? You know, I talk to a lot of chefs and like their guilty pleasure late at night is like Chinese food or something like that. But what are you doing later in the evening?

Okay, so I live in a country so there's no like late night going anywhere, right? So a lot of effort. However, I am a like, I'm a cold cuts gal. So like last night it was pulling out some salami and prosciutto like, like all like in cheese. So like meat and cheese. And then too To be honest, I eat a bag of popcorn every night. I can't go to bed like in bed, a bag of popcorn. And I make sure to leave extra like kernels and stuff on my husband's side of the bed. Because I feel like he loves it. He says he hates it, but I think he actually enjoy like rolling over and feeling that popcorn makes you feel extra high. So that's my thing. It's a really weird habit entire bag of popcorn every night

and get your bag like are you talking like one of like the small little ones are you like going to town on like some big old bag of popcorn?

No, I get the Paul Newman, my great popcorn. And so that way, like part of it goes to charity. So I'm doing a good deed every night. And it's like, that's how I know I don't get the individual ones because like that's not enough. But I make sure to always have it not completely popped. Like there's always enough kernels at the bottom so that way like I need the whole bed. Right? Yeah,

you can mess with your husband too. Yeah. I usually get the Randy Newman popcorn that seems to me and I appreciate that

he really clever as it pops, it's like it sings the song. Yeah, very sad song

over was like the Seinfeld neum and so each pop is have a fabulous Newman. Newman run with our Newman's for a while.

Do this. Yeah, that sounds good. I feel like that's what people want.

I had some popcorn. I'm a I enjoy popcorn and movie theaters and other locations as well. But my favorite thing about eating popcorn at the movie theater is at the end of the movie. When the lights come on, and I'm just covered in it and I get another snack. I'm like, Oh, I get to eat it off of my belly. So

I know there is a lot of cleavage popcorn as eaten throughout the times. And like as she wasn't I loved making Carmel horns. I make my own sheet like I do my Chicago mix a lot. Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm not I it's funny. I love all I love cheese and pretty much every form except in like powdered form. So I don't love like cheese popcorn or, and some like some of those kinds of things. It's it's a weird time where I'm like, No, I can't do it

evenly. What about macaroni and cheese? Like you'd ever do like box mac and cheese?

Yeah, like the Velveeta is better than blue box.

Really? Wow. Okay. That's interesting. Fascinating. Yeah, you know, I can't say like I eat it from the bag like, or like shake it into my mouth. But I do enjoy lots of popcorn. So

that's a ton of Yeah, it's great. Because when we do get to Chicago mix, Tina doesn't love the caramel corn as much and so she eats the cheese popcorn and I the caramel.

You guys are a match made in heaven.

I know. Right?

Can you like oh, I don't like olives. And then you find out like, Oh, I've actually always have like, you know that whole thing? You're gonna find out that she absolutely loves caramel corn, but she's been letting you have it all this years. I wouldn't

doubt it because we're both giant accommodators so she definitely is Minnesota Nice. Unless you cross it the wrong way in which case she's New Jersey sassy.

But I was hoping you're gonna ask me about diners because my favorite diner memories are Minnesota. Oh really? Tell me about the only time I get I used to go cuz I have family like in Minnesota and so like everyone else winter, winter. I'm not at summer. Um, my, my grandmother would drive with us and my grandpa, you drive from California we drive up to Minnesota and stay in a cabin. And we would always stop by the diners. And so like mine is like the biscuits and gravy like sausage and gravy. That was the only time I got it was like those summers that my grandpa died of lung cancer and then never again so that's that's how that ended. There we go. There we go. Left Turn I like to do that for yo. Oh yeah. The

diner since no. Right. Yep, there you go. Rest in peace to grandpa

He's good one. Good egg.

I believe it. I believe it. So now you Where were you born and raised? You currently live in the metropolis of Iowa. And but you're not you're not born Iowan?

Correct. No, no, if I was and be very strange in my bio, the fact that I was born overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Yeah, yeah. They're high building. Um, I Yeah. And I was born in San Diego. And then my parents moved to Iowa when I was like two years old. And so my dad works in the university here just like everyone else. Um, and so yeah, it's I grew up in our city and then just like sea turtles do I went back to the same part of San Diego. After I graduate college. I had my first child there and then moved back to Iowa. And so I've let her know that she needs to do the same thing that like she has to go to San Diego, like get knocked up for there and then come back to Iowa. It's what we do. That's our tradition, you know, family tradition,

usually tradition.

Yeah, exactly. But I It's nice here. I'm glad my dad could have moved to Seattle or Iowa. He chose Iowa and I'm glad he did. It's what I tell myself.

There you go. Seattle versus Iowa constant debate in most people's minds. But home I mean, the Midwest does has a way does have a way of calling people back to it. I have noticed. I am definitely most of the people that I've met here, if I've met, I've met a couple. There's one that's from here, and then one that was somehow dragged and convinced to come back to here not come back, just come to here. First time, that's what I've noticed

housing prices, cost of living. Those are things that usually and the grandparents and grandparents, my parents, those are the top three that will do it.

So what were you like as a child, Becky, were you? I mean, you are extremely active person right now you're constantly doing something, building something creating, dreaming, etc, etc. Your hands are in motion. So have you always been a rambunctious DOER of things? Or what were you when you read what we liked when you were younger? What you want to be when you grew up?

Oh, so um, well, when I was younger, I was very active i the middle of two sisters. So I'm the middle child. So that meant like, I definitely was deprived as the middle child and not loved as much. And so when you're the middle child, you have to really make it on your own. No, I was. I was fun. My older sister, they always said she never smiled or laughed until I was born. And because she's so serious, and then it was my job just to kind of be the goofball of the family. Which is which is great, but it's also sometimes sucks. You know, it's a lot of pressure when your job is to make people laugh, and be funny. And then when you have your own stuff going on, like it's not it's you have to kind of figure out where your identity is on that. So yeah, I was active. I did um, I guess you don't probably know this. I was a competitive ice skater.

Oh, fun fact in San Diego or back when you came to I know I

can i Oh, when I was like two and so I don't care like didn't start the competitive circuit. Tell us what three. I'm sure I started. Yeah, no, I did competitive figure skating and soccer. I refused to go to the girls soccer team and was like the only girl on like the coed team, one like one other girls on the CO Ed team and sixth grade. Everyone else went to the girls team. I was like, No, this is way more fun to play boys. So there and yeah, so like it was it was neat because I got to meet Michelle Kwan who's like my one of my heroes on my birthday, January 2020. But before the pandemic hit that

was really cool. That's incredible. She just randomly in Iowa. She just like

popping by, you know, she was campaigning actually for Joe Biden. Okay. And so I went and I got to, to meet her and like fan girl out. It was a lot of fun of that, because like she, I was and then like I had to let her know. Like, I think if anyone my age remembers when Tara Lipinski, beat her for the gold. And like, oh, we'll talk about it because like, I'll get very upset about it. But like, I had to, like, let her know that my little sister loved her Lipinski, and that the cost is huge rift in our family. And like, I got to like, shit on my sister to Michelle Kwan. And like she wasn't around but it felt like such a tie off it like pay back to finally get to be like, hey, Callie. And guess what? Quantity sucked? You know, Taylor Pinsky. We don't have any sister issues anymore. No, we're

great. Yeah, that was 2020. That was before the pandemic, all family stuff got healed during the pandemic. said every family ever right now. In that moment was Michelle Kwan. Like was she on board? Are she like, Oh, great. Another weird.

She was so cool. Yeah, I was like, okay, she's like, I think 40 But she looks the same. Holy cow. I like she's beautiful and gorgeous. And she's so sweet and kind and it was awesome. It was such a great moment. And then and then COVID game. So you know, if you want to, like make that correlation. You can but I don't say

never meet your heroes. Yeah.

But you know, the great thing is I like to another random fact like, because she was can't pay for Joe Biden. My other weird if you want to an awkward story. Funny, weird story of fact, I had an entire conversation with Joe Biden once and I didn't know as Joe Biden. And I had a conversation that I would not have had with Joe Biden had no one. It was Joe Biden. I was campaigning for Brock Obama and Joe Biden in OA, I couldn't decide. So I was flipping between the two. And I was at an event and so like I was switched my shirts between like an Obama shirt for a volunteer and then I like put like sweatshirts. Like the Biden one is at the very beginning and is still before you had social, I don't know, it was a sandy had a dark tent, because Iowa weren't like fairgrounds. Shocker. And I was talking to his woman, and I couldn't see her too well. And I was wearing my Obama shirt at the time. And I was telling her heart was switching between the two campaigns. And that, you know, I couldn't all this stuff, and she's just, you know, we're just talking about politics. And she goes, Well, you know, I think, you know, Joe would be just happy to be number two to Obama, like Obama's really gracious, so kinda, and then all sudden, like they announced, like ever next up like Dr. Jill Biden, and then she's like, okay, it's great talking to you. And she walks on stage, and I'm just saying, like, oh, fuck, I just told her. And that was his whole thing about like, it was she was it was such a cool moment, though. Because, like, it was just a humility of her saying, like, yeah, you know, like, we don't have any issue with being to number two to Obama in the very beginning of the campaign. And that's what they ended up being so worked out. So in other words, Joe Biden can tell the future

the moral of the story is definitely that

Yeah. I was it that and also, like, make sure you know who you're talking to. And don't run your mouth.

Don't carry a flashlight. During dark conversations. That is awesome. We don't back when you were figure skating? Did you have a signature move? Are you like a triple axel? Double lot, sir? Like what were you? What were you doing out there?

Um, so it was? No, I didn't have a signature move. I quit as I was like, doing my axle. And the reason I quit was because my my coach said to me that I had to make ice skating my number one priority. She's like, a skinny sweet number one priority. And I looked at her and I said, I'm sorry. I'm 13 years old. And like, I say, figure skaters, my number three as a school's first, then the cello, and then figure skating. And she's like, we will never make it. And I was like, well, that's cool. And then I was like, my mom was our mom's like, okay, awesome, because this is really expensive. She's like this, because I went, I was up. Every morning, I figure skate before school every single morning. And, you know, it was, that was, that was my life. And I can't believe how early I would get up and we do it. I can just, you know, be on the rink at 6am. And in doing so, a lot of work. So I was I had no problem understanding my priority. Listen. Yep. Yeah. Not gonna happen.

Shout out to the cello to probably the most beautiful of the stringed instruments

started when I was three years old.

I'm noticing a pattern, everything.

No, I kid you not. I wanted to play bagpipes really bad at age three. My parents weren't super, like excited about that one. Yeah, I'm so weird. And I want to play bagpipes. And then I went to recital and I saw this really pretty high schooler. This girl play the cello. And I was like, Oh, I like she looked like a princess to me. And I was like, I want to, like a course understood that. Like, if you play cello, you look like her. Um, that's how that works. And so I said to my parents, I want to play cello. And they were very excited about that. Over the bagpipes. So I started when I was three years old. I did I live in a legit start at age three, and played all through high school and toured Europe and a lot of fun.

That is incredible. I'm also trying to picture a three year old with a cello. Like a violin.

It doesn't look great. It's like a viola. Yeah, no, it's they're small, very tiny. Yeah. Yeah. I had a Russian cello teacher in high school who didn't speak English. And so like we communicate it in, in Russian. And it was it was cool. I learned. I learned how to understand Russian decently I could speak it very well. But yeah, she scared the shit out of me to a very hairy upper lip, and it just would get very close to me. And I'd be like, Oh my god. So they paid for it. It was I'm very grateful for the experience. Again, looking back at the amount of money my parents spent on our activities is just mind boggling. So dumb.

Yeah, I mean, kids, I mean, yes, obviously instruments. cello. I mean, string instruments are notoriously extremely expensive to especially we try to get some great ones popping out of Stradivarius. You know what I mean? That's that's about as much as a whole bunch of fingers getting lessons. But it's a nice time for sure. But that's a that's cool that you at that age, when you're when you're figure skating coach was like, what is it what's it going to be for you that you knew that you know, you had your priorities in line but it's also interesting because you know, as I read your bio out loud and as we talk like you can already say In this building, have you got a lot going on? Right? There's a lot of things that you dive into because yes, fingers getting wasn't your number one or your number two, but it was still something that you were getting up and dedicating yourself to right? You were you weren't half asking it necessarily. And you're playing the cello with three and you're someone who always has a lot of things going on. So when you were growing up, and as you are transitioning to try to make decisions about what do I want to do? Who do I want to be? How did you narrow it down? Or did you never really want to and so you haven't?

Oh, well, I'm considering the fact that like, we're like, I think I'm gonna become falconers and add falconry to the property. I say like, I still do. Like fame. Like, yeah, that sounds like fun. Let's do it. I, I always had the mindset of like, winners quit of the idea that like, you know, like it. Like, it's like, if you want to win, you got to quit things and like, understand, like, hey, this isn't me. And so I never, I would go all in, I'm really unsure that I loved. And then I figured out how to coast on things that I didn't love. But I recognize the value of So like, I love cross country. And so like I was all in on that. And I like that was huge in my life. I didn't love track. And so like I kind of coasted through and a senior year I quit because I was like, this isn't really how I want to spend my time. And so I think that's, and that's what I do in my business. Be like, okay, cool. Sunk cost, right. Like, this is not like, just because I I did this before doesn't mean you continue to do it. So I'm a big fan of quitting. That's awesome. To hear first. Yeah. Yeah. That's when I go into schools and talk to them about like leadership. I'm like, Hey, guys, like First things first, like, let's talk about quitting. Do it? Yeah.

Yeah. But it's cool. Because you at least you try things, right? Like you, you invest in them, you put forth effort. And then and then it's making the decision, like, now they're saying it, but it's not like, you're necessarily judging things from afar and be like, No, I couldn't do that. No, I can do that. Because I think we both do a lot of people that are trying to figure out what to do, who they are, why they want to do what they want to do, or etc, that are sitting around waiting for the idea to come and smack him across the face. As opposed to like you need to be if you want to catch the football, you got to put yourself on the path of the football. Now I'm right and you have put yourself in the path of a number of different footballs to try to catch up figure out if that's what you want to run with. Now, as opposed to waiting for somebody to be like, Come Come my daughter, let me show you the way and this is what you will do. Right. And so that's been that's been kind of cool to learn about you to see to witness now because even in the time that we've been that we've become friends I feel like you've had a number of different passions that have kind of leveled up and level down and we're kind of adding this we're adding that and there's times where we get on the phone and we'll talk about something and then all of a sudden on Instagram the next week you'll be doing something completely different that we hadn't even mentioned Oh yeah, we just decided to build a goat factory in the back of the house or whatever it's so goat house go

tell me what a goat factory would do because apparently Yeah cuz you do guys just in case you don't understand like you actually make goats in a factory so yeah they are produced in a factory is how do you make the unborn

one of your first your first yeah

more Yeah no I yeah, I I am somebody that was one of my downfalls one of my like things that I don't think is a huge it works for me but also works against me is I am incredibly driven and very high like high energy nonsense that like I am if I'm at a party I am not the life of the party like I am I'm in my corner I got my like friends and I'll have a great time but I don't I'm not that the bouncing off the walls person at all. But I will haul stones and rocks for 12 hours straight and then get inside cook a five course meal and then get on my computer and like work like I like I don't stop I am the energizer bunny in that and I'm so driven and when I do something like it is done well and I don't and it's not I'm not a perfectionist because I have zero ish and be like you know what? That's not worth it to be perfect that but yeah, I don't have asked anything so yeah, we didn't build a go factory but it'll go cottage which again, I keep forgetting some things because you can't go to peel peel. Oh yes is for my guilt cottage. Um, we built another goat barn and I decided to make it look like a cottage and so has like a white picket fence and shutters and there's a Have a little wine bar inside to that bar inside. Yes there is because

for the goats, because well the red party's

both we had somebody give us some shells that they got off like Wayfarer or something like that they're like hey we got these shells are too rustic and we don't have to return them and they're like for like a like a wet bar is that what you call it? Like we have like, and I was like cool and I couldn't figure out where to put them our house I was like, Oh, they work perfect in the goat barn. And I forgot that it has the thing for the wine glasses and so I now have like a bottle of wine and wine glasses out there so when I go and I want to hang out the ghosts I can have some wine works out great where's my mom doesn't drink in the closet? No kids she drinks in the goat cottage. Cottage cottage? Yeah

that's why that's why I have to call it a cottage because this is the wine bars out there and now it's gonna be called the cottage. But surely if you go to Becky's mindful kitchen on Instagram you can see pictures of this goat cottage it truly is beautiful. And random as fuck. It's so yeah. So Becky we we got cross country we got cello we got you know every every every question I asked we get a new passion in here we got goats we got falconry. We got cooking. So when when you decided to open Becky's mindful kitchen. What? What would tell me tell me the impetus behind that was that was that just kind of like another thing of like, Hey, let me let me add another thing on I'm already an accountant, low level sir trauma surgeon and let me open up this or like what? What was the impetus behind starting that he's mindful kitchen.

Goat surgeon. So I have done surgery on goats and chickens. I'm occasional human. You know, side business everyone. Yes, not no wasn't random. What it was is I got diagnosed with type one diabetes when my firstborn was like a year old. And I started diving into looking at food. And because I grew up eating organic food. And I didn't really understand nutrition, to the degree I wanted to. And I so grew up cooking. And my parents, they were wonderful in so many ways. And I think one things I appreciate most young, above and beyond the cello lessons and ice skating was travel. And so we traveled around Europe a lot as a child. And so I got to learn how to cook from people around the world. And I loved it. As I loved cookie and I looked got into like what is like, was healthy eating and actually all about all that crap, I started going to people's homes, they say like, Hey, can you come in and help teach me how to cook I was like, Okay, I was like, this is interesting. And I was a single mom at the time and living at home my parents like like all should do at some point or another and I realized the potential for business. So I started teaching classes more at a local culinary school. And then I was like, you know, I'm going to start my own cooking school. And so I did, and I've started very simple, and it's growing tremendously. And since COVID, it's very much expanded. So we we built a second location like a new house, we were the builders for it. So we were general contractors build a house and in 2019 and build a commercial kitchen in the basement. So a separate entrance and everything so no one ever has to go through my house and and we were in there for about seven months before the pandemic hit and use that time to really add on a lot. So yeah, it's been give me a pandemic and I will make an entire like, fairy tale tree house. Go cottage and zip lines our tree course you know they use. But it's been, it's been cool because it has expanded and I've allowed myself I think James like is and I see this in you, where we understand the value of of having that that red thread, right that thing that that connects all we do you know your Northstar, your purpose, whatever you want to call it is by having that in allowing that to guide you, instead of allowing, you know, the narrative or expectations or the thought of like, this is what I should do. Because by giving myself that freedom, I was able to like test things out and be like, Okay, this is not what I want to do or this sounds cool. And like you said, like it might look really random to people but there's usually a purpose to it. And then with the the change of kind of going to more the mindfulness and the leadership stuff. I've been silently doing that for a little while to make sure that it wasn't a a one off, but it wasn't going to be something that I cited wasn't high on my priority that wasn't going to be ice skating, you know, it's going to be a lifelong thing. Yeah. Yeah, your idea what your question was, by the way.

Thanks. Thanks. Yeah. I mean type finding out the type one diabetic is, is certainly a wall to run into at first, and then you got to figure stuff out, you don't just keep on keeping on, like life changes once you find out that you're type one diabetic. And so, you know, in your bio talked about almost dying a few times. And I believe it because it is a very, it's a very serious thing to live with. And so as she checks her insulin pump

in case there's no because there's us type ones, there's not a ton of us, but there's always some random one of us places. Yeah, I've had my my blood sugar refuses to come down. So I think I've a bad site. Um, but yeah, so if anyone's like, if you understand blushing, my blood sugar has been around 350 This entire conversation and so my mouth is very dry. So I keep trying to say only supporter. Yes. So type one, I have almost died. There's one time that was too close to make me feel good inside. Not that most, like almost dying things are like a feel good experience. But the Yeah, like and that one was one where if it wasn't for us living at home, because we were building our house. So I was living home with my parents with my kids and my husband and and all that. And my father had left for work. And he forgot something. And so he end up having a comeback. And it's because he came back that he found me on the floor with my three year old, like, with her hands underneath my head trying to like wake mommy up. And like, if he hadn't come home, I don't know, what would have happened. Why do I do it is not a happy thing that would have happened. Um, and so it's those moments so that like they do impact you and that's why hold with me that the still thought of like, Memento Mori, like we all are gonna die. Like everyone's gonna die. That's a guarantee like and in to think that you have a ton of control it or when that's gonna happen is if it's silly, so live every day. Yeah. If it's your last day might be

your 10 Minute 10 doctors agree we will die someday. Yeah, for sure. That's horrifying, Becky, the image of your daughter holding your head. And I mean, I mean, the damage that your dad had to witness coming home, I'm sure it's one that didn't leave his brain, either. And that's a that's so that's so much. And, you know, it's interesting, because you're not just it's so much more than a cooking school what you started, right. And I know that you're moving into leadership, consulting and whatnot. I'm excited to talk to you about that. Now. But I want to talk to you about this one word right in the middle, right? Becky's mindful kitchen, where mindfulness has been a piece of everything that you've done. And it's and so I'm wondering, Where does Where does mindfulness come into your work in your life? Like, is that something that is this something you had always been practicing? Or once you became type one diabetic? Did you then start, you know, whether it was whether it was meditating? Or do you say, mindfulness is I know you're an avid reader of philosophy, or whatnot, you know, what is what does mindfulness mean to you so much so that you're like, you know what, it's going right in the middle of the name of the business.

Okay. All right. So truth be told I by

original name, who's mindful?

My middle name is mindful. So that would be Oh, really not great middle name. Um, so yes, my evil The reason I went with that I didn't do anything with it. Okay, the mindfulness part of my business James was not apparent in my business until really, like the 2020 and it had been eaten the reason why is because while like, I had spent you know, for last 10 years, I guess I like specialist 10 years I studied mindfulness and leadership and philosophy and all that and all that stuff is I was still very actively like bully MC. And I felt like I was such a fraud. And that haunted me and I just like, never felt like I could incorporate mindfulness or like mindful eating any of that was like I felt so silly that people would you know, come here to young Becky's mindful kitchen and be talking about like, healthy eating and all that and then, you know, be like, binging and purging and like it just didn't it drove me crazy and it was really starting to get to me in realizing like and starting in 2018 when I had like a pretty an ASIC relapse and stuff and I was like, this isn't going to, like my business will never become it needs to be if I keep this A secret and it took me until October 2022, to make it public and it was so fascinating because I did tell a few friends when I was like, having to go I went try some recovery places and all that and, you know, kind of try to bring them into the fold. And I had some people who didn't believe me. Like they, they didn't believe me that I was struggling with this because it because I had done such a good job of fooling everyone. And I'm into that. So I always let people know like, you don't know anyone's story, because there's no way anyone would have known what I was doing. And I did such a great, I was so good. I was been doing it for 20 plus years, I was fantastic. I live in the double life, like very talented again, My poor husband, because I'm like, Dude, I am so good at lying. And he's like, not what I want to hear it so it was it was once I was able to I started writing about my false more and I saw people really enjoying it. And I was like, damn it, I still can't type in right about this if I'm not completely honest. And so once in October 2020 When I like, you know, rip the band aid off, then all sudden it was like boom, like the the mindfulness became real and BMK Becky's mindful kitchen finally actually became Becky's powerful kitchen. Until then it was just it was just a word. It was a word that was, you know, I wanted it to be part of it. But I couldn't. I could never get there until now. So that's that.

Yeah. Appreciate the self awareness about that ironically. Yeah. And it is, it's evident. Now, as you know, you check your website, as you have conversations with you that it is, though, though it took it a minute, it took a minute for it to show up. And somewhere besides just the name, it is very evident that it is heavily practiced in the work that you do now. Right. And so

having years for to show up and doing this for a while.

It's incredible. Yeah, let's hear, right. I mean, it's interesting that whether it was intuitive intuition, or just maybe a cool marketing idea, initially, but like how it was something that you're like, No, this, this is important. I just don't necessarily know how to talk about it yet. But the fact that you named it, what you did is is incredible. Now I was so scared

that people were going to not want to send their kids to summer camp. Because if they knew that I was dealing with that, or they like wouldn't, they wouldn't believe like nothing. I said like that they won't believe my words had value. And I was so wrong. And it took me a long time realize, like, wait a second, this actually gives me authority to speak on the stuff I'm saying because people will realize like, okay, like, this is she's not just this, like, girl living this really awesome life like she has struggled to. Not that people look at me, and they're like, she has the most fantastic life. But I have a very, very, very privileged life. And if you didn't know, my struggles, I think it'd be very hard to read what I write in tickets seriously. So it had the opposite effect gave me more authority rather than take it away.

Yeah. Yeah, the power of lived experience and shared stories. Yeah, for sure. It's, uh, yeah, that's, that's beautiful. I mean, it's a lot of what I talked about with just the role that vulnerability needs to play on leadership, or in conversations and relationships, right? Like it builds, it builds bridges builds way more bridges than it destroys, or we're convinced that most people will be turned off by us or like, or just like, or whatever. So we sometimes we don't open up and share those moments, when in fact, it creates it creates relatable times for us to be like, Oh, wait, since I see myself in you, I actually want to walk the walk with you. Or have you helped me walk the walk? It's, it's really powerful the way it works?

Yeah, I don't know. It's like the same with parenting. I remember when I started talking to people about and I don't know if you've ever experienced this with your baby, but like, I used to be terrified of holding my my child to my parents, they have this like, Ledge they have a split level house and this ledge overlooks their living room and it's in the kitchen and I used to never allow myself to stand with my child near that ledge because I had this fear of what if I just dropped her over the edge? Like just like not trust me that whole like, and I'd be like, Oh my God, or like what kind of like Monster a mother and my daddy would consider it and then once I like sort of mentioned to people and other people like oh my god Me too. I'm so scared. I'm gonna just like drop my like, if they're on a hike, they don't go to the edge of their kisses like that. Like that fear of like, what if I just did that and those like thoughts we have that makes us think that we are alone and weird and crazy until you actually say it and you realize like, oh, no, no, I'm not crazy. We all are crazy. Like that feels good. You're all psycho monsters. But it's true though those things that were afraid of just like looking at your child and thinking of them dead at night like, Yo, you want to love them. They'll say like, what if they were dead? And you're thinking what kind of weird like, dark, twisted person? Am I until you realize like, oh, no, a lot of us have thought that. Now I understand this point everyone listening is like, I've never thought that will screw you. But have you ever had those moments as a dad or you've like, had a thought that you're like, oh, no, this isn't a good dad thought.

I have Yeah. Um, yeah, it's been it's been a few of them. I think one of them. Sometimes it often this is selfish and ragged, probably explore a little more. But a lot of times it's around me dying, like what happens when I die? And like, there's so much more than I want to. There's so much more than I want to do with my son in this more life that I want to live with my wife. And there's like times where I'm like, it would be very selfish. If you died right now, James, like, you'd really, you really fuck up a lot of things for a lot of people, it'd be very rude of you. And and so like, I think I think about that. I don't necessarily, I thought about my son hurting himself as we just recently installed the gates on the stairs. Right as he's as he's become more and more curious. And mobile now is, like that kind of idea of like him, of him falling down the stairs and deeply hurting himself or something like that, because it's something that I could have easily prevented. Like, those are sometimes thoughts that I have, for sure. Um, I don't necessarily think about him dying, necessarily. But I do think about him hurting himself in such a way that would deeply impact the rest of his life. No, I think that's, that's where my brain is gone. I don't know if it's because my brain has stopped me from like, yep, that could also result in death though, James. So let's go ahead and name that. My brains like no. But yeah, I would say most of the thoughts that I've had around it are, are more around something deadly happening to me, or something just dramatic happening to him.

Lane. One thing I've changed is like, yeah, first of all, like, it would be very selfish of you today, you know, and you scribble things, so don't do that. I'm gonna just affirm that fear. That story. Ah, no, it's um, it'll be very sad if you were to die. And you know what? I would make the trip to your funeral. I would drive up there. I would do it for sure. I thought about that. have certain friends who don't love it? Oh, my God, I go to your funeral. And they seem like family members. Yeah. You make the list. I'm big compliment. Yeah. Yep. Now, I know I've said it, like people will be like, Oh, no, does she go? Cuz that's what they'll all be wondering. Yeah. Don't worry, I'll post the photo. Um, so I it's, it's like, I now when I look at my kids, I do think of them dying like with it when I say goodbye to them, or I kiss them goodnight. Like, I think like, Okay, you might not wake up in the morning. And how would that feel because like, again, that momentum, we're like, keeping that like having that new relationship with death and the concept of death and loss and being like, it could happen. And so like, you better keep it on the forefront your brain not to be afraid of it. But to respect the time you have now, you just you respect to so much more if you realize that it's it's not guaranteed it's not promised and you know, it's my husband's a firefighter. So he spends 100 hours per week on the two different department he's on responding to calls and a lot of those calls are people you know, who died they didn't see a common he didn't they didn't know that morning. So it's really naive ignorant of any of us to to be selfish with our time. I think that's my biggest fear. My biggest fear is that of wasting time. And you know, it's in like, that that regret of being like, god damn it, like, Why was I like, Why was I doing that? Why did I spend that time scrolling on Instagram? Why did I spend that time like worrying about that shit? Instead of having time with those I love? Why was I on James's podcast? Like, why did I do that?

One of my favorite movies of all time is A Bronx Tale. And one of the quotes from that movie is worst thing in life is wasted talent. And I love that quote, and I use you modified almost identically to what you just said is the worst thing in life is wasted time. Right? This is this is the moment that we have. I've said on here before, right the earth what 4.6 billion years old 5.6 A lot of billion years old. And and you know, we're out I'm going to be around for 88 years, right? Like, this is the moment. This is my moment that I've been given. And so let's do something with it. You know, I missed it.

Did you do like a week? Do you know is 88?

Yeah, I don't that's just a number. I'd be happy. That's fine. Let me make daddy. too presumptuous to be like, yeah, make it to 100. I don't I don't think I've lived the kind of life that enables me to do that. Yep. So yeah, but ADA feels good. I feel like beats most dogs, but not quite all of them. You know,

that works. We had a confirmation of that from some

Haven't we bought in a long time and forgot to ask that one last time? I did.

We just bought one yesterday for my kids. And so we I don't ever use it. I don't like it. I don't I have nothing against it. I just I'm like, why would I like it? Why No, no, I don't trust myself with it. And what it would get to my thoughts. And last night, my six year old came down scared the middle of night because of the Weegee board. I just turned to my husband. I said, this one's on you. You deal with this one? Because you got this one? Here you go.

Speaking of big boards, let's talk about philosophy. That is, that is the philosophy. Go ahead and transition in the business, Becky, all right, just keep up where you need to. Something you've talked about with me before. And something you even talk about in some of the leadership consulting work that you do is your passion for stoic philosophy. And in stoicism is something that you are in deep practice with, and belief of right for those of you playing at home. I looked it up and here's a quick definition. So as ism teaches the development of self control and fortitude, as means of overcoming destructive emotions. And so, but it is it's a powerful philosophy, one that a lot of people often find to be cold. But I don't necessarily. I don't necessarily think that that I don't I don't see it as that but I'm wondering for you, when did you become passionate about philosophy and maybe specific specifically stoicism?

Okay, so first of all, I think stoicism was one of the most misunderstood philosophies as far as like being cold and all that so like people think of stoic and like stoicism, and you think of like the Queen of England and I discussion like, oh, well, she's stoic enough, you know, like, it's like, in that like, so stoic is like little less, right? And stoicism is the biggest philosophy. So stoicism is not anti emotion. It is not like it's it's the teaching the ability to have emotions, but not let emotions have you. Right? So it's in recognizing what's in your control and what isn't, those would be kind of the thing. And it's very similar to the Serenity Prayer, right, except for things that aren't in control, letting go what isn't and, and hoping you can tell a difference of the two forms me I have been interested in stoicism longer than I knew I was interested in stoicism. So I like my my idea of mindfulness, my idea of philosophy and like the writings I was doing, all are very aligned with stoicism. And it was just a few years ago when I started, you know, kind of connected the dots more and I was like what like, did you have no idea these like old dudes in like ancient Roman times, like stole my ideas, motherfucker. I was like, I finally found something that connected somebody just mindfulness and like people think like meditation and yoga and especially like, they see me and they're like, Ah, she's so female, I think and, you know, like, she's mindfulness. Like, I must be meditation and yoga. And I'm like, no, no, like my mindfulness is, is stoicism. It is an action based mindfulness. It is a, you know, being you know, there's a wonderful quote of Marcus Aurelius. It's like, be tolerant of others and strict with yourself. And I used to, this is like the quote that took me the longest time to, to kind of work out this is a quote that kept me from calling myself a stoic because I didn't agree with it because I kept hearing strict with yourself as being hard on yourself, and I finally was like, oh, no, no, no, it's not it's be tolerant with others and be strict with yourself in that recognizing like, don't like being strict enough with yourself that you're not hurting yourself that you recognize like where your boundaries are, you understand like where your values are, and like holding yourself to that and not spending time beating yourself over shit up over shows that you shouldn't be. So for me, though, a delay is something that delayed my complete like, you know, immersion of stoic world is that so there's a man called Ryan Holiday. I don't know if you've heard of him at all. He is like the most the most popular like modern day stoic Yes, the daily stoic podcast which is a wonderful podcast, I mean, on par with this one was not many are. And it is a very, very good podcast to do even my husband, he's, you know, he's very into my thoughts. You get a degree in like Eastern religion and he's, he was he's a Buddhist when I met him I don't think he's a Buddhist anymore. I should clarify that with him. I don't I wouldn't call him Buddhists anymore. But he started getting into like Brian holidays. And I'm somebody who like, if somebody tells me like, Oh, you're gonna love this or you need to watch it like I get I don't like it. And he had me watch a couple Ryan Holiday stuff. And I was just not in a good place as I still really deal with the bulimia and I don't know, it challenged me in a way I don't want to be challenged. And I decided that I hated stoicism. Without knowing anything about it only because my husband really liked it. And I was just being a butthead. I was being a total butthead. And then, like, when I realized a couple years later, like how much I did like it, I was like, oh, no, I can't Oh, shit, like, I'm gonna have to admit to my husband that, like, I like the same thing that he was like, in then. So I kind of kept it a secret for a little bit. And then finally had it be like, like, just like, work it into the conversation. And he was really cool. He didn't rub it in my face the fact that like, he was really cool about it, he was much more mature than I would have been. What is the same reason as to why like, I didn't like Napoleon Dynamite. That movie when it came out. Because everyone told me is the funniest movie ever. And I watched it. I was like, This is not funny.

It was not a good. I was a highly overrated movie. Yeah. So I

thought stoicism was gonna be the same. And now to the point that I think Ryan Holiday. I think he, I he does a fan. I'm big cannabis. I see why I thought he was a douchebag. Yeah, because of the mindset I was in. But now I see him for what he is, which is somebody who like does his own thing. And that's awesome. And he's really smart. So and this podcast is great as again, on par with yours. Oh,

thank you. Thank you, I'll see you later. This philosophy of stoicism where it's, I love how you put it. I don't know if that was your quote or somebody else's either way to steal it or way to say it. But the idea of stoicism is about having emotions, but not letting your emotions have you know,

that's mine or not. I've always said it. There's no such thing as an original quote anymore these days, like, I'll

Google it, we'll find out if Google is if Google says it's yours, it's yours. But now that is not that is a powerful thought, right? The ability to the ability to not let these things take over your brain, right, especially in a world where anxiety runs rampant. And obviously, depression runs rampant as well. But I feel like we're talking a lot more about anxiety lately than depression. It's currently winning the battle of the bottom. But is that is that thought is wildly contradictory to that of an anxious mind. Now I as someone who is diagnosed with anxiety, hear you say that and be like, That sounds lovely. And go happen. That sounds lovely. And so I'm wondering, I'm wondering, how does one besides listening to Ryan holidays, you keep marketing somebody else's podcast on the show. But I've listened to it too. And it actually is quite good. So feel free to check out the daily stock, but still. But how does one begin that process? Like how did you begin that process of kind of almost getting out of your own way to be able to hear it and then feel it and then finally live it?

So here's my downfall is my integrity is like my file. Like, my integrity is so important to me that when I realized like, Okay, this is my thing, stoicism is my thing. And, and I don't and I've spent the time I've read all the original works multiple translations, like I spent a lot of time reading ancient Roman texts, and it's not like, it's not a beach read, um, but it's so you know, it's like really going to once I realized, like, Okay, this is gonna be my thing. I can't handle hypocrisy, and I can't handle saying like, Hey, I believe in this and no, I'm not living at myself. So having made that decision, just like when I decided to like, go and recovered bulimia, like I just decided, I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do it. And once I make a decision, I'm pretty much set in it. And so how did I do this? It was a kind of having that non negotiable with myself of I cannot act one way in in my personal life and then show up another way on social media. So I'm not perfect at all. Take a moment. I know but um, but like It's, uh Oh, yeah. Go I'll get there for you. Um, I'm not perfect, but I own it when I'm when I'm not. And so there's a when it comes to anxiety, right? And again, it helps that I have a partner who, who calls me on it, and I call him out on it. He doesn't always enjoy it and he's like stuck trying to like stoicism. Me. I was like, I'll stoke you all day long, sir. Um, but very weird. Very, it's very Yeah, it's very turn on, like, give me some like John Oliver Last Week Tonight, or whatever else show called and like, some still phosphene I'm good. It's, it's recognizing the simplicity. And that's what I love about about stoicism and I made a comment, insulin pump. Um, so hey, I'm finally heading down the right direction. Thank God. So and I mentioned this to you in another conversation, which is, am I cooking classes? My hope is and I tell people this I hope you leave this class thinking oh my god, why the hell did I just pay for this that was so easy. And if you leave thinking that that I know I've done my job, and you're actually gonna like use what you learned in your life. The same goes to stoicism. It is so simple. And I love it. I love people to go in and make it simple for people and in recognizing like what's in your control, you can only control your own thoughts, your words and your actions. You can't control anything else in my goodness, like we have enough to deal with if we just focus on controlling our words and thoughts, right and even our actions and to let go of that your life just becomes more simple. So when shit goes wrong, be like okay, cool, like what event can I control identify it, you know, deal with that and then let the rest go and it's not it's not being like a blob and just like adapt to whatever comes because again, you have this like framework of your your values and your moral you know, non negotiables in which you go through life, you know, the stoics talked about the virtue. Well, you're you have the agility right you you don't walk around with a stick up your ass you have a backbone, you know, there's a difference and a backbone bends sticks up as a stone. And so just the difference there isn't as important I think. And the one of the most powerful things is I just remind myself like we don't always get our rather's. And that was a quote from f. or Teddy Roosevelt who, one of my favorite presidents and he was a huge, stoic, but like, he was on a camping trip, and everything was going wrong. He's with his friend and like, the weather was shit. The supplies are crappy, like everything that could go wrong, went wrong. And the storm was coming in and he turned to his friend who's like whistlin asked us like, hitch up the horses and he says like, I'd rather wouldn't storm and his friend looked at him and says, Well, it doesn't look like we're getting our rather's on this trip does it? And I kept on whistling and I love that concept of being like, we don't always get our rather's. And like, that's it. And so there's, you know, a more fati is Latin for embrace your fate. Love your fate. So when it comes at you just embrace it, you can't change it. So embrace it. So that's what I like. That's how I kind of use it. As far as anxiety goes. There's a great one, I'm at the Titas, my favorite philosopher says.

When I see an anxious person, I asked myself, what do they want? Because if it's something outside of their control, why would they be anxious? And so truly, if you are wanting something outside of your control, like you, you can't you can't get it. You don't have control over it. Don't be anxious about it, let it go. It's just makes your life simple. Yeah, Dan. Yeah,

this is sorry, I'm sitting with this because there's a lot to chew on as always, and why I appreciate our conversations. I love this philosophy. Because it sounds it sounds like a lighter way to live. But truly is you're able to let more stuff go. You're able to kind of focus on what matters and you're better able to prioritize. And, you know, anytime you're able to channel your energy, more specifically, instead of into 500 things, if you can channel it into five, then you're also more productive. You also feel more complete, you will like there's a whole a whole bunch of benefits to it all. So it sounds great. And I believe that it is possible. One thing for me that I think where I struggle, one area where I I struggle with this besides the anxiety which is, which is surmountable. But and so is what I'm about to say as well. But it's still as a sticking point where, for me, a lot of my, am I good enough? Am I funny enough? Am I hot enough? Am I successful enough? Am I happy enough? Am I, whatever enough? A lot of that I am still struggling on letting myself be the bar, as opposed to letting other people set the bar for me. Right. And like just that idea of like, of just the idea of asking ourselves the question of when would you rather be liked or respected? Obviously, the dream is to be both. But ultimately, respect is the answer. But I don't necessarily know if a lot of my actions and the way that I carry myself or the way that I weigh other people's thoughts, or what they think about me would show that that is my answer to that question, I think he would lean more towards like, Oh, this guy wants to be liked, more than respected now. And so in thinking about the idea of stoicism, is very appealing for the reasons that I outlined before. And it's also going to take some work, I know for me to bring all of that thought, although those thought processes in house, instead of farming them out to an external processor, an external, you know, external sources or manufacturing sites, right, like I got to bring it, I got to bring it in. And that is something that I've been trying to work on and work on in counseling. But that is something that is that is hard for me to do. And I I just offer that up not as a counterpoint. But just as a, here's a place where this sounds good. But I got some things I got to work on in order to actually truly be able to do it. And here are some of the bigger places for me, I'd be curious to hear about your thoughts on that. Or giant criticisms. I'm fine either way.

Either way, I'm one of the same. The best thing. So much of where I think it works out is like realizing like, your self worth, right. So you look outside for that is I like to practice like fact checking a lot. So is it a lot of philosophy, a lot of rhetoric is all about, like, you know, really like bringing up emotions and people and you want to learn how like, you know, speaking way like politicians speak in a way that like, excite people and like passions, all that right, stoicism goes the opposite direction. So instead of say like, oh my gosh, like I totally bombed this speech and like no, like, oh my god, I hated it. And I know, I didn't make anyone laugh, all that stuff, like, watching our language, the words we use, we are constantly using hyperbole, right? And we're constantly using, like, judgment words, instead of labeling things for what it is. And so for you, it's like, you know, do people like you? Do they respect you like looking at like, Okay, what, what's demonstrated one or the other? Yeah, like, if I say, like, I after we're done at this, and I say to my husband, like, oh, man, like, it didn't go well at all, like, Oh, my God, like, he totally sucked in like, if Bill was like, Okay, well, how do you know that? If I had to, like, stop and actually, like, put that out and like rent? Well, I do actually have any facts for that. Or, you know, I use the term a again, you don't have he's not old enough yet. But maybe some listeners have older kids that take showers. I love the say of my kids. My older daughters are really upset yelling, my younger daughter and I had to like, feel like do I have to deal with this? I realize I did. And they're upset. They said she didn't she did a really bad job of sharing. Like she just she didn't take good shower mom. I was like, Well, what do you mean, though, she was only in there for like, two minutes. I was like, Okay, well, let's see what happened. Like she took a quick shower. She showered quickly. Your judgment? Is she showered poorly. And and did you recognize the difference of those two? And the same goes with when we're looking at our gestures? Are we enough? Like how are we labeling things? Both ourselves? Like how are you in labeling if what respect looks like and if someone likes looks like and I am very much a fan of the fact of knowing like, I can't control someone respects me that's outside of my control. I can control if I have dignity, like but respect outside my control. Someone likes me. I can't control it and no one's obligated to like me. And so it's a lot easier to go that route. I however, have to live with myself. So how do I turn it inside instead of farming out and like putting in external processes and all the other goat factories that were sending the stuff to be made?

It's always hold doing the simple thing of like, if it's not right, don't do it. If it's not true, don't say it as a Marcus Aurelius quote, and if I just go through my day, doing the next right thing, doing, like holding myself to that, because if I lie, if I do something bad if I do that, like, it hurts me, not the other person, if you're a dick, to me, that doesn't hurt me at all. Because I don't have to live with the fact that you are a dick, you have to live with the fact that you are a dick, you know, and no one wants to live with that. So and in the same goes to how I talk to myself. So be really selfish in that, like, I want to have a good, I feel good about myself in the day. So I just keep it simple. That's not right, don't do it. It's not true. Don't say it. And that involves walking by a piece of trash on the floor. And like, not picking up and realizing Damn it, I have to pick it up. Because that was the right thing to do. Going back and picking it up and put it in the trash can, like start small, on the small little things in life. Like that's my worth. My self worth is the fact that I recognize what's right. And what isn't. The stoics have a thing of it's not events themselves that upset us, but our judgments of them. So we something happens, and you have to decide, like, can you build in that moment? You know, take that moment to reflect of like, okay, am I going to ascend and we're going to like ascend to this, am I gonna, like allow myself to make a judgement of this? Like, is this good or bad? Or am I gonna be like, No, I'm not gonna, like engage in that. So if you were to, like, sort like tapping your fingers on your desk, and like, kind of like, tilt your head and kind of look off, I will have to take that moment to be like, okay, am I going to see that and make a judgement that James is bored right now? Or am I going to just be like, cool. He tapped his fingers. He moved his head. That's all that is? Huh? I don't know if that makes sense. I just like going really small and detailed on that everything. I'm just getting curious. Yeah, well, you do.

One of the early one of the early guests here on diner talks with Stacey Neto, Kirsten, and she talks about one of her quotes that I love is fact check the inner critic. And I hear I hear that in what you're saying as well. And is, it's powerful, it's powerful to think about. It's powerful to think about, and I also love, I love it. I love how you know another another reason to think more about it is you know, makes us less judgy, less judgy of others less judgy of ourselves. It just it just puts a little separation in there. Not everything is attached. Right? Not everything is because this happened that everything else is all rad. Right there is there's like there's a detachment between some of these things. And if we handle them each as individual things, as opposed to like, the dominoes are falling, everything's terrible, then we're able to stop spiraling, we're able to stop some of the stories we're able to just attack things at their core. And in the little minutia in the little moments, as opposed to this big dramatic thing. Yeah, well, yeah, I appreciate it. not

that special. Like that's what I like to tell people which by the way made the mistake of giving outline like you're not that special. And I was talking to a bunch of first graders about like mindfulness and stuff and like about the whole concept is you're not that special like the world the universe doesn't align to make your day horrible. You know, the whole I wrote a post about the idea of like, we obviously how when it rains it pours. Well, no, it doesn't like sometimes it just rains and like sometimes sprinkles like it doesn't always have to fucking Pour man. But like the minute it starts to rain, everybody starts looking for it to pour and if you do that, you are guaranteed to find yourself like a tsunami somewhere right? Like you will find that confirmation bias is dangerous and you know the world though is not out to get you like people don't care enough about you to rearrange their day to make your your life hell and yet we go about our day taking everything so personally, and and even our own actions like it's like you screw up like God dammit, like, Why did I do that? Like, oh, man, it's such a bad decision. Like, no, often, like we make good decisions and the outcome sucks. And one thing we do, you know, we teach archery and it's there's a big thing like the Stoke Archer and that idea of, you know, everything up to that moment of when the arrow leaves the bows and you control. Once that arrow leaves the bow is out of control. So our focus is on where it hits on that target. It's like are you doing everything right leading up to that moment and ELP We'll, we'll look at something and say like, Oh, that was a really bad decision and beat themselves up. And they're judging that decision based on the outcome, which is outside of their control. And if you look back like No, like a lot of those times, like we make good decisions, and it just doesn't go well. And that's applied to like, same like people, like if someone wins the lottery be like, oh, man, I was really good decision I made to buy that lottery ticket. Like, no, that was a really bad decision to buy a lottery ticket, because the lottery is not like, that's not a good decision to me. Your odds are not good. You got lucky, right? And so in the same goes to you, so like, give yourself a little bit more grace in that. Yeah. Even though she died 10 years ago.

Shout out to Grace rest in peace. You know, Becky, one thing you've been doing a lot more and more lately, his leadership consulting using some of these ways of life in applying a lot of stoicism to leadership. As you mentioned, me doing a ton of research and reading ancient Roman texts shout out to EPA TT. So I was wondering if Epictetus was going to make an appearance in here. I'm glad he did. Hey, you doing but thanks for joining the show. One of the sponsors of the show, actually. The referral code doesn't work anymore, because you don't have to stone tablet, but it's still the head. But, you know, I'm wondering, can I connect the dots for me, you know, how do you how do you apply some of this stuff to the leadership consulting? Like, how does like, what does your leadership consulting look like? When thinking about it through this lens?

Okay, I can connect some dots for you. Quick side story, one of my most embarrassing moments elementary school was in kindergarten, we had to do those connect the dot type, like, like picture things. I connected the numbers, not the dots. And so my unicorn was like, oddly shaped, and I got shamed by the teacher on that one. never forgot it. So Anita says connect the dots. I'm like, yes. Not the numbers. Because if you connect the numbers, unicorn looks funky. You get teased? Um, oh, work to do on that one. Does I? Yeah. The with the Allah do mindful leadership consultant in my approach and mindful leader, okay, ship is this like, like, it's about? Can you stay in the moment, while also keeping that perspective, right, like a mindful leader? Like, you got to be agile enough? And have the perception to identify, Okay, do we need a stick on this path? Or do we need to make adjustments? You know, do we? What are the needs of that moment, while also not forgetting that, hey, there's something else download that down the road again, think of so it's a reflection and the reef, your reflexes and your reflection, right? So teaching that that reflex, you know, what is that reflex you have? So when I go into businesses, and maybe it's culture needs help, maybe they have specific employees they want me to work with, or sometimes it's going through the whole strategic planning process. And so the spring we'll have all new full day workshops out here where it is going through strategic planning and doing team building, cooking stuff, and I have my own version of like a SWOT analysis, right that we go through. What what I really kind of drill in is this idea of free flex and reflection. And I never asked anybody to do something I wouldn't do which is get comfortable being uncomfortable. fact about me is I had a speech impediment as a child where I said my Rs is W's. My name is Rebecca Russo, which means it was Rebecca Lusso when I was a kid, and so having my third view about reflexes, and you know, reflection, is basically like be like, hey, you know what, let's just like dance around this like firepit a little bit because every time I have to say any our words, I still like have to think on it. So I put myself in that place for everyone else. So we can all be fools together, but a lot of leaders right that that reflex and something goes wrong when they get scared when an obstacle gets them away. Is the reflex is a knee jerk is to go as far away from as possible, and is usually like go to the other extreme, right? It's like yeah, get up, get away from me. What I teach is the reflex of a call kinda like, for me, it's like the mom car arm, her arm so when you're driving and you have to like swerve versus when you put your arm out to like hold back your kid okay? Or like your bottle wine or beer or whatever. You see that you're like, I gotta keep this safe. You can just tag them back. I have kids now who are older sit in the front seat. So like putting John there right to hold them. We all experienced that at some point growing up

that reflex is your first as a leader going towards the problem, not going away. And you're not, you're not going the opposite dress, you just say, hey, let's stop right here. Like, let's not let this get any worse. You're putting yourself in between, you know, your employees, whoever you're leading in the issue. And you're taking that moment. So that reflex a stoke reflex needs to be building in that space. So you can then decide, you know, like, what this, you know, object is whatever just happened? Is it an obstacle or an opportunity? Because it may be like, Oh, wait, okay, now might we actually do want to keep going this way, right? Like, at first, it looked weird, but it looked wrong. But this is actually a go or it's like, hey, let's stop this. And let's look the where'd you go? That reflection? Leaders either do reflection in the way of like, no reflection at all, I hear this all the time of this is how we've always done it. So it's how we're going to do it. To which I say cool. You also use this shit in a diaper. I don't think you do that anymore. So maybe change is good. Um, it was appreciate that one. And then the other reflection is the whole like, Hey, okay, yeah, no, I see as a problem. We're gonna create a committee oversight committee to oversight this committee if if we need to do a committee, right? Of like, let's just like leave this to die. And again, it's not about me, I'm gonna make someone else solve it. Whereas, for me, the reflection you need to take as a leader is is vulnerable accountability. Is that saying like, Hey, I recognize that this is on me. wasn't my fault. Like, like, Julie, you really screwed the pooch on this one. But like I am, the leader is totally professionals in the workplace. I'm Julie, through the pages of my favorite sayings. And I still hold true on that one. I really feel like it's your job as a leader. So that reflection accountability is saying, hey, like, I need a moment. Like I need to like take, I'm going to think on this like and we're going to come up with a plan. But the stoic press practice of pre med Natasha Malorum is like the premeditation of evil's, it's when you go through something, as leader, you've already thought through all the things that could go wrong, right. So when that deer jumps in and eroding, I put your arm out, stop it, you are able to recognize you're like, Okay, that's this, we talked about this. So like, remember, this is our plan to deal with that. And you just get more practice. And then at some point, it's going to be a fucking zebra, and you didn't think about a zebra from the road, right? And so, but you thought about everything else. And you're in that mindset of understanding that just because something hasn't gone as planned doesn't mean that we need to knee jerk and freak the fuck out. And so taking that approach to it, Be really honest of, you know, taking the time because your reflection is not only internal, but what you're putting out there, right. And reflection is what other people are seeing. And leaders forget about that. And it doesn't have to be your managerial position, you can be a front desk, you know, Secretary, it'd be a leader, because you're also going to be dealing with obstacles all day long. And beyond identify if it's a, you know, opportunity. And if it's if you can't find a way to make opportunity, then you realize we don't always get our rather's you make the most of it? Hmm, I'm not opposed to that one.

Go, Becky, that's awesome that you've been able to work with a number of different clients and do that work with them? That I'm sure, you know, sometimes it's hard to eat your own words, it's hard to to be like, crap, we are doing that. Or we are we are stuck in a rut or we have been we're in this pattern where we keep saying this. And yeah, it's hard to get people to realize that sometimes they have to kill their darlings, or whatever it is that thing that they really held true. We're like, No, this is the way we've got here. And this is what's gonna keep us whatever this is, this is what the customer wants, or this is what the client needs or not. And, you know, and just how do we get people out of their own way to actually make the choices they need to make the hard choice, they need to make some times to, to be able to serve the right people. And so in the best way possible.

There's always somebody benefiting from the inefficiencies is what I recognized, and I just had to send out a hard email this last week to somebody who, you know, basically saying like, hey, like I, you know, I realized that the one of the people who hired me to come in is the person that's standing in the way of these changes happening and I just said, I was like, I don't want to waste your time and money. And it's just like, You got to make a decision. Like yeah, I guess you gotta, you gotta be willing to go all in and that's one of the things I've been very clear on is kind of like in like, integrity always gets in my way cuz I should just like keep taking their money. and like, but I, I don't want to, I want results. And so looking at the fact of who's who's benefiting from things not running well, because somebody is. Yeah. I love it. Yeah.

But yeah, I appreciate you for hanging out and kicking it in the diner with me dropping some knowledge telling us about your past, talking to us about stoicism and how it applies both to life and trying to help me get out of my own way. Trying to let these feelings not control me. And so I just I appreciate I appreciate your ability to teach, laugh and, and tell stories at the same time. It really is. It's a ton of fun. You have a true gift. And I'm proud to call you a friend and really excited that you want to come to the diner today, friend.

I'm happy worked out. I appreciate you. You reschedule? We're supposed to do it last week. But Santa came and I think I appreciate you recognizing that Santa beats you.

Yeah, the last thing I need is calling this soccer. You know what I mean?

You're You're very funny. And I'm excited. My my 11 year old listens to your podcast as well as she thinks you're very funny. So

well, awesome. I hope she thinks you're a big deal because now you're on it. And if she doesn't, then she's right.

But that's why I said nothing's on my list. A wonderful podcast and man it has you have guests that just blow my socks off my feet because they're really good. So I'm proud of the kid.

Thanks, homie. I appreciate it and added another one to the list today. Becky, thank you so much. How can people stay in touch with you back? What What can we what can people do if they want to learn more about the consulting or if they want to learn more about what you're doing in Becky's mindful kitchen or some of the parenting workshops? You do stuff like that? No fantastic

question. I prefer carrier pigeon for communications. Yep. And if that doesn't work for you, then the website so easy. It's just Becky's mindful kitchen calm or Facebook or Instagram Becky's mindful kitchen. It's very easy. It's very simple. Um yeah, I know. I'm luckily there's not many Becky's with mobile kitchens out there. So worked out via bacon, you can message me there and I do respond to every message.

Love it. Thank you. Thank you so much for coming through and kicking it in the diner. I look forward to our paths crossing in real life at some point.

Definitely. Not just at your funeral. Yay. And it's dark