Be Ready For Your Story to Change Someone’s Life with Big Bang Theory Actor, Alessandra Torresani

Welcome to Diner Talks with James. slide into the booth and let's have conversations we never want to end with friends. We never want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be eating.

My friends what is going on? Welcome to another episode of diner talks with James. I'm James and I'm super pumped to be here with you all my friends slide into the diner booth. Make that awkward squeaking sound did somebody fart maybe doesn't matter, because we're in the diner together. Let's buckle up nice crocs. You were in Glad you're cozy. I am pumped to be here with you. We have an amazing episode coming for you. I assume I do these introductions on the front end and then find out if what I said is true. But I think this one is going to be quite special. We have a amazing actor on the show Alessandra Torresani, I don't know I'm fond of my Italian guests recently, so I'm excited to have Alessandra Torresani. She's coming here from the City of Angels Los Angeles. Let me tell you about her. She began studying dance and singing when she was two years old. Take that get your 10,000 hours in Malcolm Gladwell. At the age of eight. She landed a job doing interviews between cartoons on The WB network. She holds a black belt in Taekwondo, which is horrifying. She's been on the web. You've seen her on shows such as jag er war at home, Malcolm in the Middle Arrested Development, Terminator, CSI husband's Big Bang Theory. She's been in movies, she's been on screens. She's been in your face in your home, tap tap. Who's that behind you? It's Alessandra Torresani . She is an incredible human. And one of the reasons why we have connected is we met on clubhouse. And I love the power and the candor and the vulnerability and the humor in which she talks about mental health, which you all know is a passion of mine. And she hosts a emotional support. That's literally called emotional support. With Alessandra Torresani , Dasani, a mental health podcast. Now she is openly bipolar. And we're gonna discuss that I'm super pumped to bring her out right now. Where you at my girl Alessandra Torre deciding how are you?

First of all, I only wear crocs. So I feel really comfortable on this show. That's already the first intro. Secondly, I totally forgot some of the shows that I was on. So I really appreciate the intro because I'm like, Oh, wait, I did that. That's so funny. Yeah. And I'm so excited to be here. Thanks, James.

That you're here, friend. I know that. I mean, you have you have so many credits. And I know at some point, you would feel uncomfortable if I read them all. So I hope it's okay that I gave an abbreviated. Listen,

I I forgot I did those shows. So you know, I mean, that was like a fun reminder. That's a great way for me to go back to YouTube and see some embarrassing moments.

Yes, let's go. Let's go. That's That's amazing. And you've been on some of my favorite shows as well Arrested Development, Malcolm in the Middle that got me through some tough times as a child. So you know,

that was my first kiss in real life and on TV was with Frankie Nunez on Malcolm in the Middle. So I forever will know that exact moment in front of my mother and in front of his mother. It was just talk about romance everyone.

The sparks were flying. Let's do another

thing. Yeah. Multiple takes didn't know what we were doing. So uncomfortable. But lots of fun.

That's amazing. How old were you at that point?

I think I was I go God, maybe 1314? Maybe maybe 12. You know what? I couldn't I couldn't tell you. But it was I was.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, that's a heck of a thing to get thrown into. I had my first kiss technically, probably on stage as well. I was Billy Bigelow in the musical carousel had to kiss Allison, local, you know, local, Rotary, and then the high stable High School. So she planted it on me. I was overwhelmed and very pleased.

And here's the question. Did she kiss you during the rehearsal? She did not. She waited for the big moment.

Yes. And I suggested that we practice and that's about the level of game that I had at that point. Wow. We did not.

If you practiced, I feel like it would have been more. How do you say it would have been more just casual, right. I feel like the not practicing is the anticipation and yes, like it probably looked amazing on stage but also like, what if you forgot your lines? And what if you didn't know what you were going to talk about?

Yeah, no 100% And that all of that could have happened? Do you remember being a bit of a shock? Oh, yeah, clearly Yeah. Yeah, I mean, come on. What are we talking about here? 17 The boy had a locked up video I love this I listen to the show is called diner talks with James because I love eating late at night with friends that I don't want to leave over food we probably shouldn't be eating but it tastes good. So I'm wondering for you do you have a late night eating guilty pleasure?

Yes, Bob's Big Boy. I don't know if you know. Now this big boy is my all time diner. I live for a black and white shake with no whipped cream. I know I'm not a whipped cream person. I love a fry. And you know what I actually just live for? Just a nice butter spaghetti. Oh, with a dry and a dinner salad that comes with it. Yeah, you know, there's something special about a dinner salad that comes with your meal. It just makes it that much. yummier

Yeah, what dressing you go with on your dinner salad?

Of course.

Come on, watch your mouth.

To french toast, you know, it's just a little bit of sweet and salty and, you know, refined, refined palate over here. I'm also vegetarian, so it's tricky for me to eat at a diner. So I'm always like, if it's a diner, it's definitely breakfast or a kid's meal.

Yes. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And I love that. You know, some people when they go to a diner late at night, they're like, am I supposed to do breakfast? Am I supposed to do what am I supposed to do right now? And you're like, Yes, that's what I'm supposed to do. Oh,

What's your go to meal.

I do love I do love french toast. I'll do a stack of pancakes for sure. I love a grilled cheese with bacon. So the side of French fries and I do I do a little something different. I put my I put my ketchup and my ranch together sometimes Ranch is what the kids call it.

Ooh, interesting. I'm not a ranch person. But I will tell my best friend. He is a ranch person. He has a ranch kind of sewer so I will let him know and salted

then we'll find out. I grew up growing up in New York Ranch, wasn't it? It was a salad dressing. But that was about it. Now that I live in the Midwest, I realize it's actually a religion.

Law branch huh? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wow.

That's everywhere. It's everywhere. Really? Yep. All those all these types of ranches not just like craft. There's all these like the restaurants are known for making their own homemade ranches. It's very

good question. What is in RAM?

Yeah, great question. Don't know. No, I don't know. I've never made it myself. And there's got to be some garlic in there. I don't know. I don't know if it's I don't think it's a male bass. Or creamy,

tangy, you know, there's like a punch to ranch. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know. Well, let's learn together. If only we had a device that could teach us Hollywood Google. Somebody, then at one of these days,

maybe Fingers crossed. Love it. So

you grew up in Cali? What part of Cali you grew up in?

I grew up up north in the Bay Area. I was born at Stanford University. So up there. And then I moved to LA when I was about between like nine to 11. We would go back and forth for pilot season and for whenever I had shoot a show, and then we officially like move move to LA when I was like 1112. So this is home to me. But I'm also just such a California girl. I couldn't imagine being anywhere else. I'm a California girl that doesn't lay out in the sun and suntan. So I don't know how California I am. But I sound California ish.

Can you rollerblade? No. Okay. All right. Well, yeah, that's fine. Yeah.

I mean, I'm sure I can I done it. One time, I lied for an audition and said that I could be ice. I was an ice skater. And I was the choice for the movie as an actress. And then they said, Okay, we're gonna do the ice skating part. And I was like, what that was. I bought ice skates. I got a professional coach. And I like took two lessons. I showed up to the rink, and I thought it was going to be a bunch of actresses who like kind of knew how to skate like not really. And there were people doing triple axels and all this stuff. And I put on my skates and I skated out and I was like, I can't do this. And I turned around and I went up to the director and I was like, it was really nice meeting you. I wish you the best of luck with this. If you want like an actress who can like have a great amazing stunt double that can do this. Awesome. If you don't want that I'm not your girl and I really wish you the best of luck. So I didn't

know your limits. Way to know you're there. There's a lesson there.

I look like a skater. I certainly dress the part I can tell you that much. But you know, I tried it was A for effort. So

yeah, you got further than most we know that. Yes, yes, for sure. The the fact that you grew up in NorCal moved to SoCal around nine, nine You know, something like that you started coming down for pilot season was, was acting in your blood early right when we read you I read that you did dancing and stuff like that starting to was that? Is that something that was in your family? Do you have any families that were interested in the stage? Or was this kind of like your thing?

No, both of my parents were CEOs and CFOs of computer technology companies. So I came out singing and dancing. I was supposed to go to MIT. I was supposed to be an engineer. My, you know, where I was supposed to be in life is now where I am right now. I'll tell you that much. But no, you know, I mean, my mom saw me and she just, I just was constantly singing and dancing all day long in diapers, like it was, as soon as I could move, I was shaken my little bit. Like that was the thing, you know, and she could never get me to stop moving. And she put me into dance and thought, Okay, well, that'll like calm her down and didn't calm me down. And I got bit by the camera bug, when I had audition, from dance, from a dance competition, to be a host of a kids club. And after that, I was like, This is what I was born to do. Like, how come no one ever told me this? She's like, well, you're nine. So I'm glad you figured it out. Now, you know. And they just let me you know, pursue my dreams and kind of just let me take the rain and just take over. But it was not something they wanted. It was not something that they understood. And my mom provided me with the best resources possible. But she did not understand any of it. Like, you know, she she was a business student who, you know, thought she was going to be a doctor. And then she decided to be the like, kick ass businesswoman and went to Anderson School of Business at UCLA and was like top of her class, and ran all these computer technology companies. And then she's like, and then this thing comes out to me like, where did this come from? Whose child is it?

That's awesome. Tina, and it is my wife. We recently had a baby, as I was telling you just before but one of our biggest fears and we don't know if this is true yet because he's only 10 months old is that, you know, we are both gigantic. Extroverts love being around people. And we like looking at each other one day, and we're like, what if we have an introvert? Ah, what an introvert what introverts eat.

He's very quiet. It's, like reserved.

I feel so far. I think he's doing well daycare is helping, right? We kind of like get around people. And so yeah, he responds well, but we also heard that he plays very well independently. And so so it'll be very interesting to see what happens. But it could be a learning moment for sure.

How did you how did you like when you had your baby? Did you come up with your name? Like, I don't know that your son's name and you don't have to say it if you don't share it. But like, was there I'm always so curious, like the process like of people's names, my friends. The reason why I say this, this just happened to me. My friends showed me there's this like Tinder thing, where it's a name matching game. Have you heard of this? There? Okay. So you swipe like, like, say you write, you're going to swipe which names you like, then your wife is going to swipe which name she likes. And the devices connect together and say, Oh, these are the ones that you landed on that are exactly the same. And I was like, This is so crazy. Tinder for babies like what is going on?

At the same time, also kind of brilliant. Brilliant. But I

was like, how did you come up with a name? I am always curious now. Yeah, for

sure. For sure. So we both have middle names that we're both very proud of her middle name is is one that has carried on. And then mine is my mom's maiden name. And my middle name also has named after my grandfather. So So yeah, but so we knew that a middle name was good. We kept the middle names were decided early now because that was just one middle name a woman named but we're like if we have a boy, it'll be there. So we have a girl do this. And then my son's name is Rome. ROA M. And he's he's cool. He's a cool, dude. Yeah. He's gonna be so they better be. But so yeah. And we so we bought this print of a buffalo in Winnipeg, Canada, Manitoba. Now in it was probably a few years ago. Now we bought this print. It's a really cool line drawing of a buffalo and inside of it says Rome. And then underneath it, it just says but always come home. Because both of my wife travel a lot for work. And we're both professional speakers. And so we're constantly we have a long distance relationship even though we have the same address. And and so I was walking down the hallway one time after after my wife was gotten pregnant. And I looked at this print and I was like, What are you think about the name Rome? I like shouted it down the hallway. And she was like, sounds good. I was like, great. And that was

a that is such a special name.

It's cool. Yeah. So thanks for Wow,

what a powerful name to.

Yeah. So we'll find out. So he's a cool dude. And we kind of already set ourselves up for failure and that he'll be everywhere and so yeah, that'll be fine. We'll be everything will be fine. It's

gonna roam the world exactly.

Get out there and explore.

No, I just thought that this was like the most wild thing I'd ever heard of this like Tinder baby name thing. And I was like, how do people figure out names? Like, I feel like it would be so difficult. I'm just like, overwhelmed thinking about like, how people do. Yeah, is this conversation just happened this weekend? So it's been impressions.

Whatever, think about how difficult that is, like, that's probably why there's so many Ashley's and so many likes or whatever. It's like, that's just let's just stick with this. It was easy. That'll be fine. Everybody knows it.

And then ever, like, what are you doing? Like her name? You know? Yep. Oh, anyway.

Valid tangent valid. I love that. Yeah. So. So I love this. So you figured out that the stage was for you early on. And you're obviously in all these different shows and whatnot, and some high profile shows, which are really cool. You're getting auditions have an agent landing all this stuff. And so this has been the goal from the jump. Was there ever a point where you wavered from the goal? Was there ever a point where like, oh, shoot, you know, I'm burnt out from this? Maybe I should? I don't know, go to university? Or maybe I should always like that, or was it always like, Nope, this is it. I love it. You know,

it's interesting. I feel like I never knew what else I would do. I think that that was kind of my thing. I just, I can't imagine doing anything else. Because it's all I want to do. And I think I was really lucky at such a young age. Knowing that where I, you know, went to a inguinal got normal high school, I tried to have a normal middle school high school experience after being homeschooled. And I actually ended up leaving the middle of my sophomore year. And I got my high school proficiency exam and started doing junior college classes online. Because I had to go to Australia to shoot a TV show. And my high school at the time wouldn't let me do it. They were like, choose to see in school or go there. And I was like, a Joel Silver show that shooting next to the matrix. Like, I'm good. Like, um, and you know, it was really a hard decision for for my family, right? Because, you know, they all went to college, they all went and got masters and PhDs and all of the stuff and I was like, I don't want to do that, you know, I just, but I think that the support came from my mom, because she knew, you know, well, I watched my other friends who were in college, and we're, you know, in the middle of the recession, and they couldn't get a job, even as an intern. And they were like, well, what are we going to do with their life, we don't know what to do, well, maybe I guess we'll go get a law degree because it'll kill more time. You know, I knew what I wanted to do. And I was already doing that. So I think that even though it was really hard for my family, they also were so lucky that I had that passion. And I had that, that work inside me that that I crave working, when I'm not working, I'm not happy. And I think that that's what was really hard about, uh, you know, when I'm on my off days where I'm not, you know, on a set, or I'm not auditioning, especially now during times of COVID. That's where my podcast has really saved my life. Because I still feel like I'm creating some sort of, or if you will, something, I'm creating something, there's something something creative going on, that I'm able to give out and give to the universe, whether people like it or not, I still feel like I'm providing something for someone, any one person in the world is going to react to, you know, from my guest or my own personal story or something, you know, and I think that that's what's really important, is being able to find that balance. But honestly, like, I don't know what else I would do. Mike, I always I want to be a director eventually like and do that. That's great. You know, and I love being a host. I'm going back to what I first originally did. But I can't imagine not being in the business, if you will. Like, I'm not trying to like go and you know, I don't know, be a lawyer. Right now. Sorry. You know,

you find your lane. That's amazing. Yeah. And it's cool. I mean, it's awesome. Like we were talking about earlier about your mom being like, Wow, I can't believe you found at this early. That's crazy. At the same time, what a gift. What a gift that just is kind of like alright, this is where I want to be. And it's not to say that all of a sudden you have this really easy path. It's it's a hell of a path to choose. And but like you said, your work ethic has kind of kept you pushing. Now, you mentioned that you were in a traditional middle school, traditional high school for a couple of years and whatnot. I know for me during that time, is when I started to feel things right, there was all science happening behind the scenes. Now and and so for me, that's what I started noticing. I wasn't naming it this, but that's when I started noticing that my mental health was kind of going up and down and all around. And whether it's because all the chemicals or just all the peer pressure, all the whatnot, I never knew to call it anxiety, which is what I've now diagnosed with. I did kind of know, as far as were my age, around that time of when I was in middle school in high school is when ADHD was kind of there was still add, we're kind of talking about it, and no one there wasn't really conversation of are we medicating too many children yet there were many kids that were medicated was kind of like right on the cusp of that almost. And, and so who knows if I would have gotten medicated or not, I don't think my parents would have bought it. But, but still, I know that that that was injured an interesting time for me, where I started to realize that I put a lot of pressure on other people's opinions of me, and had a lot of anxiety about the way I was seen and the way I showed up in the world. And that's, that's kind of the way my anxiety manifests itself today. But I didn't know to call it anxiety then or attention deficit disorder, or anything like that. I was just like, I'm weird. I'm lonely. And I think people are judging me. Now. That's what I called it. And so I'm wondering for you, when you know, in your mental health journey, self awareness journey. When did when did you start to notice like, Oh, I got some, I got some interesting things going on in here.

Yeah, I mean, honestly, from when I was two years old, you know, very young, I It started when I, you know, everyone labeled it as the terrible twos. But I would bang my head against the wall out of nowhere for no reason. When I was five years old, I couldn't cross thresholds. For some reason, one day I woke up, I was such a perfectionist, I couldn't go from one side of my front door to the other side of my front door. Because I was afraid if I wasn't better than I was the day before that I would be a failure. And I would want to punish myself. So it was easier and safer in the grand scheme of things, not to cross that door and go and continue on with my life. But I think you know, yeah, I think there's obviously the hormonal changes of middle school and high school where you see things. For me, it was a kind of a flare up of my bipolar disorder. When I was about 15. I was put on antidepressants because they thought that I was just, you know, sad, a lot. Not realizing it was actually the mania of those were the low lows, and not acknowledging that the high highs were, you know, not great either. But you know, when someone is, you know, working and you know, kicking ass and on top of their game and high as a kite, basically, emotionally, you know, you you don't think that that's where the problem is. So that's when I had a, you know, a, you know, a suicide attempt because I was Miss medicated, and I was not someone that ever had suicidal ideations. I never thought like that. And it was a miss diagnosis and Miss medication that caused that. And I think that's why I'm also very vocal about you know, going to a doctor and being sure that, you know, you give all of the information you write everything down and you you show, you know, Hey, today, I was really amazing. Today was really high, and I was feeling great about myself, because they need to see all the highs, all the lows all the in betweens, because Bipolar disorder is so misdiagnosed on a regular basis, and that's what causes a lot of, unfortunately, a lot of a lot of deaths because of the mixed medication, because it makes your highs, highs and your lows lower and it's not that fun. And, yeah, so I would say it was when I was 15. But I was properly diagnosed. When I was about 2122 After working on a show called Caprica. I had my first anxiety attack, panic attack, and I didn't know what it was. And I luckily had a great doctor, but it took an acupuncturist to diagnose me with my bipolar disorder. And he was he's acupuncturists to the stars. And he was like, it's very common what you have surprisingly, and I think that you live with bipolar disorder, and I think you need to go to a new doctor and ask them if they think this is it and the new doctor was like, of course, it's like what do you mean of course Oh, bro awesome. Just been suffering all this time. But you know, it was it took that I hate the word journey. But it did. It took that whole journey for me to get finally somewhat established of this relief of oh my god, like there's a name to what I'm feeling like whoa, You know, it's a thing, you know, people suffer. Wow, I'm not alone.

So that moment of finding it out when you're 2223, that was a sense of relief, not a sense of like, Oh, should I have something? Yeah,

I was so happy because then I finally had a reason to that, why I was feeling the way I was feeling. And the medication finally gave me the relief that I needed where I wasn't on edge, 24 hours a day, you know, and it didn't know me, it didn't make me not feel my fields. I still feel all my fields, but I am able to balance my life and have the order and the sanity of not having to worry if the mania is gonna come out of nowhere one day, and I still do, you know, have manic episodes, and I still do have panic attacks, and that's never gonna go away. But it's to the extreme that it was it will never be that.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah, it makes the highs a little less high. And the lows a little less. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's the beauty medication right there. Were you in the beginning? It when, when you were kind of going through what you thought was just depression? Were you open about that? Or was that something that you were very private about? Like, I think, I think right now in the world with this is one of the good things that's come from social media, even though sometimes it's causing a lot of it also, but but the fact that we're so open about mental health, the fact that you have an emotional support podcast, now it's really beautiful. Now many people are more open with what they're going through. During the time that you kind of had that depression. Is that something that you were talking about with others, or something that you were just trying to, like, bury down and kind of keep your head down? Or let's keep it moving? Or what, what was your relationship with?

No, I don't know, I wish I had the answer to that. I don't remember a lot of my life from 15 to 22. I remember being on sets, I remember working, I remember certain things in my life, I don't remember certain relationships I was in I don't remember certain friendships, I don't remember feelings. Because, you know, that's one of the, you know, side effects of living with bipolar disorder, as I'm sure many other mental illnesses that I'm not, you know, familiar with. I'm only familiar with mine, where, you know, you have blackout moments. So like, I don't even know why I started to be on medication, I don't even know, I just remember, like, knowing like, something was wrong. But I could never say, you know, but I was not someone that was open and was like, Oh, my God, but it was more just the help of my mother, who saw someone that couldn't leave bed for three days, and then saw someone that would not sleep for three days straight, and literally would drive back and forth all day long. And all night long. Because I could not sleep. I could go days without sleeping. And that's not normal, you know, at all. That's a big sign of someone living with bipolar disorder in a manic episode. But these were things that we didn't know, you know, at the time. So I don't really remember, you know, a particular moment of like, Did I have these conversations I don't think I ever did, because it never was something that was ever would have even been a topic of conversation. And not out of embarrassment. Like I was never embarrassed about it. But I just don't remember any of that. I think I got more embarrassed as I got older, of not knowing when to share it with certain people and how to then do it. Because when I was young, I had no filter, I just kind of didn't give a shit.

There's a beauty to that, for sure. But yeah, but I love that you have obviously found the courage and found the strength in talking about it, but you're right, as an adult, and as someone who's trying to get their life or make it seem like their life is okay or put together or that you know, they get their shit together, all that kind of stuff. Like it's tough to sometimes like spout at the mouth about some of these kinds of things. Or when you do, it's the risk, the reward or you know, potential reward, but often a lot of risk of like, what are you going to think about me now? And when did you start developing the courage to actually start talking about it?

You know, I think I started talking about it right when I got diagnosed, because I was so happy that I had been finally diagnosed and that I had some sort of sense of relief. And I and I wasn't open with it in the grand scheme of things. But you know, my family knew and, you know, my close friends knew and that conversation was always happening. But, you know, I feel like I didn't really get confident confident until finally I said, I don't know, just run this podcast, so I'm like, fuck this, like I'm over and I'm going to talk about it. And it was a couple years ago, I had I talked about a here and there on certain social media posts and I had met The mic and I speak the heads of Nami, the National Alliance on Mental Illness. And I had come to them from a mutual friend and shared my story. And they said, you know, if you ever need any resources, here are some resources. They gave me a bunch of resources, they saved my life. And so I felt, you know, I wanted to share here in their little stories about me living with bipolar disorder. And I was at a conference in London for a show that I was on, and no one really wanted me to be there because I wasn't the main star and whatever Long story short, it was supposed to be a one hour chat of people asking me questions and a q&a of, you know, 500 to 2000 people, and no one showed up, but maybe 30, maybe 20. And they had two questions. And after that, no one said anything. So I raised my hand, and I said, Hi, I'm Alison, her, and I live with bipolar disorder. Does anyone want to talk about mental health? And it was that conversation where multiple people then started coming in the room, and then hundreds started coming through, because people would go outside and go, she's talking about mental health, who's got a question? And it you know, I had people that came up to me, and I had one particular woman who changed my life. And she showed me her arms, and it was all her scars of herself harm. And she said, I didn't know that people on TV understood how brains could be broken, like how you could, you know, feel so lost, and so alone. And well, I never did the enquanto self harm. I understood that because I self harm myself, you know, by mentally abusing myself over and over. And living in shame. And so after that, I kind of was like, I don't give a shit anymore. Like, this needs to be talked about. Because this is saving lives by one conversation, these people saved my life, because I thought I was alone. And so to know that you weren't alone. So, you know, it took me you know, what, I'm 34. Now, it took me about, you know, 30 years to finally speak my truth, because a lot of, you know, relationships that I was in, when I would be open about it, they would do things wrong, but it was because I was bipolar, that that's why they cheated. That's why I was the crazy one. And I was this, you know, so it was held against story room. Yeah. Yeah. So it's held against me so much that I eventually, like, you know, when I met my husband, the second sentence out of my mouth was, by the way, I live with bipolar disorder. So you can either deal with it or not. And he was like, okay, cool. Like and what, you know. That's all. Yeah, we got a lot of other issues. But you know, it was so cool, because it was the first time that someone didn't hold it against me in the future. So yeah, I think that I always like to say, and I always forced people, you know, I say this, I wasn't like, please do this. Don't share your story until you're ready. Because you need to know that your story will change someone's life, like, Absolutely, without a doubt whether you know it or not, you're going to change someone's life. And you have to be ready for you know, you open that floodgate and you have to be ready for people to come and ask questions and want to know, information and it gets overwhelming, you know, but you have to know, you have to be so ready to have the conversation and ready to help others out. Because when you do share your story, the importance of a story is so much more important than someone just like stating facts about you know, mental health, you know, awareness like God, that hearing Carrie Fisher's story, and how she and I lived with the same disorder. It was like, the only person in the world I'd ever known that lived with bipolar disorder at the time. And I was like, Oh my God, I feel heard. And like, I never met her and she never knew that but like, she literally changed my life. You know, and there's that's the importance of a story.

Yes. What a crazy moment to be over in London. Two questions, then a bunch of crickets, and British crickets at that the worst. But, but still, to then have this moment of like, Hey, I have bipolar disorder. Does anybody want to talk? What What a crazy moment? What a beautiful way to fill a silence also.

Well, I was also planned and very uncomfortable, and I just didn't know what else to say.

Yeah, yeah, for sure. But what a what a cool crucible moment for you in that all of a sudden you're like, oh, shit, like all these people coming in. And this matters and like, and I know, you knew it mattered, but just to the extent it's like, yeah, it's that thing of like, you know, if Carrie Fisher knew that your story meant so much to her, like, you know, who else would she have told it to? You know, and then that mobile where you got to physically watch people be impacted and intrigued by a topic that is so shoved under covers And under the dirt was what a what a cool moment.

Yeah, it was really special and in. And that's just one of a million moments that have happened since, you know, I've shared my story. And the best part of that convention was, I still am in contact with, you know, so many of the people that were there that that, you know, listen to my story and shared their own stories. And they follow along in the journey and they support by buying the sweatshirts that you know, donate money and subscribe, and they write the reviews in like, it's just wild to see how much so much has changed, you know, for since two and a half years, you know, it's just, it's bananas.

Absolutely. Bananas. And so cool. You know, you something else you talked about that was that was interesting to me was that the fact that you said you told your you told your husband, you know, second date or second sentence, whichever was a good sense, by the way, I live with bipolar disorder. You know, do that what you may. Now before that you were writing these stories that were then validated by the actions of partners that didn't give a shit about you, right? And cheated on you and took advantage of you, or whatever. And being around situations that validate the stories that we write in our heads is really dark. And we can always look for that validation. Now, if we want to, it's always going to be there, right? We can do a Google search that'll validate us we get to like, WebMD is a disgusting and terrible place sometimes, right? Like, you can find out how quickly because your mole and so but it's so that that same idea sometimes applies here than that, you know, I think about the stories that I wrote about myself that I'm you know that I'm not good enough, I'm not funny, and I'm not smart enough and hot enough. I'm not thin enough. I'm not whatever enough. And the stories that we write, to then have a moment where you just kind of put it out there to the person that you hope might be intrigued by you have like, this is where I'm at, right? That's a what do you think that that moment was done out of confidence of you stepping into who you are, and being like, this is me. And you either want me like this? Or you don't want me at all? Or your husband? Or your husband? Or was it out of like, let me just get this out of the way so you can not I don't have to stick around for you to break my heart. You know,

I think I was I was just exhausted at that point of having to share that story. And waiting, you know, how long do you wait before you tell someone you know what, with how long do you do you wait to share this secret? Like, you know, I kind of was just over it. I'd been single for about a year and a half and I loved being single because I didn't have to answer to anybody. And I didn't have to worry and you know, someone you know chatting with someone else like you know, where did they go you know there were all these insecurities. Finally, I was just like, you know if I'm going to do this like I'd rather you just know now because I'm just like over having that conversation.

Yeah, yep. Yeah, let me protect myself from it. Let me get it out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's one of the things that I admire the most about you Alessandra is and this is something that we that we kind of came up because we were in a few clubhouse rooms together. And and this some that I also asked a mutual friend of ours Ross a bow is that your ability to use humor to talk about mental health is powerful. And it's cool, it's I think it's super necessary. And because at some point, I mean, we both know this we're not laughing you're crying. Right? And so we have to figure out a way to laugh about some of this stuff, but not everybody is ready to laugh or not everybody's like this you kind of need to sometimes you need to warm it up a little bit before you throw the steak on the fire. And so we're cast iron up, but I'm wondering when what was your journey to journey might be too strong of a word when did you realize that like yo, we need to laugh about this and people are ready to laugh about this?

Oh, I don't think that people even are I don't even know if they are have to be truly honest. Like for me. I have been I my idol growing up was Jim Carrey. And you know, Chris Farley, those were my two you know it which is so strange you're like who is this little peanut girl that's like obsessed with these guys and like I was not the girl like it's so funny someone said an interview one time they were like oh, we heard you know your idols were like Claire Danes and Kate Winslet. I'm like, I probably said that to sound like a really cool like sophisticated actress, but like, fully like I would stay up as late as I possibly could. And I would make my mom record SNL Every single night ever since I could start talking, and even when I couldn't talk, I would imitate Farley, I would imitate Chevy Chase like all of these guys. That was what I look to was humor. And there was an interview that Jim Carrey did with Howard Stern. And he said that he would throw himself down the stairs just to get a laugh from his dad and his friends. And I was like, I literally did that one time. And I was like, That is so crazy that I that I did that. I just wanted to make people laugh since I was a kid, whatever inappropriateness that would be. I would Moon people all the time. I was just that that kid. And so for me, humor was the only thing that got me through my life. So I don't know anything different. You know, when I'm uncomfortable, I try to make someone laugh. It's just my way of coping. So I think that the fact that you know, my podcast, you know, on emotion, I'll support that. I'm trying to be funny. It's not even trying. It's just like, that's just how I get people to feel comfortable. Because that's how I've always trained myself as a kid to get people to like me and get people to feel comfortable is just through comedy, because it's the only thing that gets me comfortable. Yeah.

It's funny humor is such as humor is both a way to escape and a way to be present. Yeah, it's yes. The way Yeah, it's fascinating for

a lot of people don't get it. And a lot of people don't take me seriously because of it. But I'm not trying to be serious. I'm not trying to be a doctor. I'm not trying to force it to be funny. It's like, you know, there's an episode people will come on, and we'll be crying one second, and the next will be laughing. And that's just because that's who I am. I strive on being my true, genuine, authentic self. And I want to make this funny and bring levity to a situation that that that's not light. And is not, you know, something that people joke about all the time. And some people are offended by that. And that's fine, like, whatever, then it's not for you. But my show is not for everybody. And I don't expect it to be for everybody, you know, I'm not. And you know, if you want just true conversations, and you want real stories, you know, and and sometimes you laugh about the stupid shit that you did that you can't even believe, you know, you have to laugh about it now. Otherwise, it's like, what's the point of living? Like, we need to laugh life is what is so important, you know?

Yeah, laughter is a sign of resilience, right? Your ability to look into a moment and be like, yeah, that happened to me. Yeah, those are my thoughts. Yeah, that was you know, how that all went down. And I can now look back and laugh on it. It's it shows that it has been coped with it shows it is ready to be spoken about, like you were talking about earlier. Don't just start, you know, spouting at the mouth, just because some just happened to you. Right? You gotta you got to process it. You got to own it. You got to figure out how it sits in your body and then then talk about it. Yeah, somebody other than that, Counselor.

But yeah, but I'm not trying to be professional. And that's the other thing with my show is like, when people are on emotional support, I like people to know, I'm not a professional. I'm not trying to get to the bottom of everything. I just want to hear your story, because that's how I do my own healing is through hearing other people's stories. And so if you want fun storytime, like come my way.

Yeah, right. And it's not like you leave people flailing, right? Like, I mean, if you go to the your website and stuff like that, there are resources, there are places where people can go. Yeah, exactly. And so it's not like you're like, Alright, let me bring you down.

Professionals. Like I bring the professionals on so they can tell me and, and, you know, kind of my favorite part of my show, is I have a segment that I do about once a month called Beauty in the brain. And I do it with my friend, David Haggerty, who's a neuroscientist, and we answer fan questions and listener questions. We do it you know, from the brain point of view and from the beauty point of view of the stupidity of the ridiculousness, you know, but it's, it's, you know, this episode that just got released. It's so fascinating because it's called how to reach out for help. Right? You don't think about like, how do you reach out for help? It's so simple. You literally Google what university is near you, and you look up their mental health, you know, facility through the university through the government. And there's a list of information of how you can find places where you can go resources, websites, doctors, all this information. And David like does it in such a unique like, genuine, relaxed, chill way of hey, it's super, super easy and convenient. Like, let's try to make this as easy as possible for all of us.

Yeah. Yeah. Who was that for you is you were kind of you know what? Whether was around 20 to 23, when you officially got diagnosed correctly, or maybe was a little bit later, maybe even earlier, but who is that person? You're who was that, David, for you that that kind of really made you made? You see like, Okay, I'm gonna be okay, I'm doing I'm on the right track, like, you know, was there someone like that, you know for you? Or maybe it was Carrie Fisher?

Yeah, it was like Carrie Fisher it was, you know, finding my comedians who who lived through darkness. And finding it that way. I didn't find my tribe, if you will on my bipolar tribe until just a few years ago, literally, maybe two years ago. So it's a very new thing for me. Yeah.

That's cool. That's great. Yeah. That's awesome. And that's the beauty of what of what you are now building is that people can feel caught earlier than you did. Like you're catching people earlier, so that they're not falling as dark as they

have the conversation. let's normalize it, you know, let's just try to like be cool about

it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So for you, this is my last question for you. For you, as you are navigating this new role of Yes, you are still a badass actor, just you know, had a movie movie come out yesterday, you said what's the movie?

How the women is losers,

women is loser

in proper English, and a lot of people are pissed about it. But I was like, Oh, well, I didn't do the title. But the title is actually a Janis Joplin song called women as losers. So you understand when you watch the movie,

love it. Oh, Bom Bom Bom doesn't help that they also spelled your name wrong, though. So that doesn't really help the fact they got the grammar right or not. But either way. But yeah, so I mean, like, you're still, you're still on set, you're still putting work out. But you also have this amazing, this amazing podcast, emotional support. And is, it's, it's cool, because you have this new newfound calling of the role that you play in people's lives. That's not changing the way that you still show up on set, or the fact that you want to be on set, like you said, you want to do some directorial work in the future as well. And so my question for you is that, you know, a lot of people, a lot of people find something that matters to them. And, and it's like, alright, well, how do I change everything? And then all of a sudden do that thing? And but like, you don't have to, you could be a both? And you could be a yes. And, and so, for you. I'm just curious if you have any thoughts for individuals that are potentially like, I'm really passionate about this, but I'm in a career doing something other than this, you know, what are your thoughts about, you know, ways to incorporate some of that passion into people's lives so that they truly can impact the people that they want to impact, while at the same time getting some joy of doing a job that they care about? You know,

I don't really like the word hobby, because a hobby makes it seem like, it's, it's childish, and kind of just like, oh, it's cute, you do that. It's a hobby, but I, but but take an in quote, unquote, hobby, and make that into your passion project. And even if it's something so simple as as, you know, painting, right, if that brings you emotional support, and that brings you a sense of escapism in the best way possible to get out of that, that mindset, you know, yeah, you may have to work at a bank, your nine to five, but give yourself an hour, give yourself an hour a week, whatever, however much time you possibly can, to doing something that that releases that energy that allows you to get in touch with yourself, to find that creative passion. I think there's something very important about creativity. I think mathematics is creative. So it's not like oh, artsy, fartsy stuff. It's like, no, no, like, I was a math whiz. That's that was my favorite thing to do. I struggled in English and history, and I thrived in math and science. So whatever it is that you do that you want to do as your job, whether it's, I don't know, photography, working on cars, whatever it is, find an hour of your week to fully dedicate yourself to that, to just release a part of your brain. Give yourself a break, give yourself that mental health break that you really need. And you never know. I mean, when you put in the work into something that you love, the universe, it gives you in a very unique, special way. I mean, I never thought this podcast would be heard by five people. Honestly, I really am telling you that because I was like, who cares to listen about mental health stuff? Like I'm just kind of selfishly doing it for myself. But it brought more change and more more opportunities than I ever in a million years could have thought So when you put in that effort to something that you love, you never know what the universe is going to give to you.

Yeah. But that's the beauty. That's the beauty of commitment, right? It's like, are you gonna come? Are you gonna commit to it? Are you just gonna comment about is it going to be something always going to talk about doing? Or what is actually what is diving into it look like?

Absolutely, yeah. Yeah.

So I cannot thank you enough for the work that you're doing the world my friend, I appreciate you, you know the gift that you are on setting on screen. And but also, I don't know just realizing that you have a gift of creating a space where people can talk about things that they're not supposed to talk about, according to a lot of pride in society and in different cultures and whatnot. It's really special.

No, I really appreciate that. And I just love what you're doing. I love this diner talks. I can't wait to come on again. Next time. Let's both do it with me and Ross, and we get to have like a like a triple diner conversation.

Let's go we'll get into some deep stories too. I love it. I love it friend. I love it. Thank you so much for coming on. Y'all that was my time with Alexandra Hello Sandra excuse me Zondra but a z in there because it's fancy on a Sondra taught assignee. Incredible Human Being running an awesome podcast called The emotional support pod podcast. Feel free to check it out. You can go to emotional support pod.com It's, it's on all the platforms and whatnot. And I love that she's creating this space where we can also laugh while we learn laugh while we grieve, laugh while we grow. That matters. You are deserving of levity from what you are going through from time to time. Life is too serious not to laugh at it. I'm just grateful that she spent some time with me here in the diner. Hope y'all got something out of this one. We'll catch you next week. Y'all take care and until next time, he punching small talk in the face by asking better questions. Y'all take care.