Feb. 26, 2024

Sherry Darden Expert in Communication Breakdowns | DFS 283

Sherry Darden Expert in Communication Breakdowns | DFS 283
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Season 1

Get all the inside secrets and tools you need to help you develop your intuitive and leadership skills so you are on the path to the highest level of success with ease.  Sherry is an expert in DISC and helps identify the communication breakdowns that hold us back.

In this episode you will learn:

  • Seek to understand
  • Active Listening
  • Diversity


Find Sherry on LinkedIn at:  https://www.linkedin.com/in/sherrydarden/

Website:  www.sherrydarden.com


If you are ready to start reaching your goals instead of simply dreaming about it, start today with 12minutegift.com! 


 Grab your FREE meditation:  Reduce Your Anxiety MEDITATION


Are you ready to tiptoe into your intuition and tap into your soul’s message? Let’s talk 



Listen in as Jennifer Takagi, founder of Takagi Consulting, 5X time Amazon.Com Best Selling-Author, Certified Soul Care Coach, Certified Jack Canfield Success Principle Trainer, Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst and Facilitator of the DISC Behavioral Profiles, Certified Change Style Indicator Facilitator, Law of Attraction Practitioner, and Certified Coaching Specialist - leadership entrepreneur, speaker and trainer, shares the lessons she’s learned along the way.  Each episode is designed to give you the tools, ideas, and inspiration to lead with integrity. Humor is a big part of Jennifer’s life, so expect a few puns and possibly some sarcasm.  Tune in for a motivational guest, a story or tips to take you even closer to that success you’ve been coveting.  Please share the episodes that inspired you the most and be sure to leave a comment.  


Official Website: http://www.takagiconsulting.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennifertakagi/

Facebook: facebook.com/takagiconsulting


Wishing you the best,

Jennifer Takagi

Speaker, Trainer, Author, Catalyst for Healing


PS: We would love to hear from you! For questions, coaching, or to book interviews, please email my team at Jennifer@takagiconsulting.com

Transcript
Sherry Darden:

Welcome to destined for success. I'm your

Sherry Darden:

host Jennifer Takagi and today is one of my favorite days of

Sherry Darden:

the year is Potter Palooza Day. And I get to meet and interview

Sherry Darden:

all kinds of amazing people that I would not have had a chance to

Sherry Darden:

meet before. And my guest today is Sherry, Darden. And Sherry

Sherry Darden:

and I already have so much in common on some of the tools that

Sherry Darden:

we use in interacting with people. But I'm gonna let her

Sherry Darden:

tell her own story, Sherry, thank you for being here. Tell

Sherry Darden:

us a little bit about yourself and why you're so passionate

Sherry Darden:

about communication.

Sherry Darden:

Thank you so much. And it is an absolute pleasure to be here.

Sherry Darden:

And I can't wait for us to talk offline over some coffee, about

Sherry Darden:

all of our connections. And so just a little bit about me,

Sherry Darden:

Kansas City, native go chiefs, moved to Dallas, Texas. And I'm

Sherry Darden:

going to share that with you. Because when I moved to Dallas,

Sherry Darden:

I had Missouri Tech's. And the assumption is that I was a

Sherry Darden:

Yankee. So anything north of the Red River is being a Yankee. So

Sherry Darden:

diversity about that the way that I talked, it's still a

Sherry Darden:

struggle for me to say, y'all, but I get it, I'm getting a

Sherry Darden:

little better. You know, Dad being from East Texas. And so

Sherry Darden:

when we talk about passion, my passion is making sure that

Sherry Darden:

everybody gets heard. And when I talk about get heard, is making

Sherry Darden:

sure that we are listened to, that we first to seek the other

Sherry Darden:

person, or seek to understand and then be understood, because

Sherry Darden:

I think that's the biggest thing in success is making sure that

Sherry Darden:

we're hearing the right thing, so that we're responding to the

Sherry Darden:

right thing. I think that gives everybody such a great an equal

Sherry Darden:

voice. So that's really my passion is communication,

Sherry Darden:

conflict resolution. Because again, you know, sometimes you

Sherry Darden:

say is not made necessarily what I heard, and making sure that

Sherry Darden:

we're on the same plane, it just makes, I know it's gonna sound

Sherry Darden:

hokey, makes a world sound makes makes the world a little better.

Sherry Darden:

But it makes us a little bit more efficient, because we don't

Sherry Darden:

have to repeat ourselves, we're less frustrated, we get more

Sherry Darden:

done. And it's just, just better, just better. Oh,

Sherry Darden:

it is. And I used to be so frustrated. I was in the federal

Sherry Darden:

government for many years, and I would get frustrated, I'd go

Sherry Darden:

into my boss's office, and her desk was set up. So her back was

Sherry Darden:

to the door when she was typing. And she'd call me in and, and I

Sherry Darden:

would say, hey, and she would shed a little mirror and she'd

Sherry Darden:

say, that was me. And she'd go, Okay, well, let me just finish

Sherry Darden:

this up. Go ahead. But tell me what you're doing. And I

Sherry Darden:

wouldn't speak and she'd keep talking to find she said, go

Sherry Darden:

ahead. I'm listening. And I would start to share whatever it

Sherry Darden:

was she had asked about. And then she would stop, turn around

Sherry Darden:

when something like piqued her interest and say, say that

Sherry Darden:

again. I was so frustrated, because if she had stopped

Sherry Darden:

typing, and listen, what would have happened, she

Sherry Darden:

first time, right?

Sherry Darden:

So we often have that, right? Like, if I'm talking to you, I

Sherry Darden:

need to be taking notes and or looking you square in the eye,

Sherry Darden:

those are really should be the only two options happening.

Sherry Darden:

And that's really part of active listening. So you talked about

Sherry Darden:

the two things and active listening, because only 5% of

Sherry Darden:

what you Jennifer and 5% of everyone here that's listening,

Sherry Darden:

if you're watching the podcast, and not listening, only 5% of

Sherry Darden:

what you receive from us today is from words. The other

Sherry Darden:

combination is through body language, and the inflection of

Sherry Darden:

our tone. So if she had turned around and looked you in the eye

Sherry Darden:

and watched your body language the very first time, she would

Sherry Darden:

not have had to say, say that again. And let me just also to

Sherry Darden:

say with communication, it's an active task. It's not passive.

Sherry Darden:

Most times we think it's passive, because we're receiving

Sherry Darden:

but it really is active. I need to see you need to see your

Sherry Darden:

eyes, you know, I need to see maybe you know, I talk with my

Sherry Darden:

hands, I will talk with my whole body. So when I'm a public

Sherry Darden:

speaker, you get to understand and you get to receive what I'm

Sherry Darden:

talking about. So there is less misunderstanding. So I just love

Sherry Darden:

the two things that you talked about are two of the things that

Sherry Darden:

we need to do when we think about active listening. And so

Sherry Darden:

that my signature top Are you listening, we really need to

Sherry Darden:

listen with our eyes with our ears, and also to with our

Sherry Darden:

hearts and little bit.

Sherry Darden:

Oh, absolutely, because we're just wasting everybody's time.

Sherry Darden:

You have to repeat it. It takes them longer, like everybody,

Sherry Darden:

everybody loses all the way around if you're not actively

Sherry Darden:

paying attention. I love that. I love that. Okay, so what So what

Sherry Darden:

can we do to communicate more effectively? Well, again, I

Sherry Darden:

know you're gonna, I'm gonna sound like a broken record here.

Sherry Darden:

It's about listening. And what I mean by that is, in practicing

Sherry Darden:

disk, if I'm really listening to you, there are going to be words

Sherry Darden:

that are going to kind of set off a bell or whistle about how

Sherry Darden:

to communicate with you, because part of diversity and again, we

Sherry Darden:

talked, diversity is not just about age, sex, religion, all

Sherry Darden:

those things, it's about our communication style. So working

Sherry Darden:

with the client, helping her get three years of financial

Sherry Darden:

projections together, to go to hardboard to get funding so that

Sherry Darden:

they could rent and lease or lease 24,000 square feet. So I

Sherry Darden:

get the three years projections, because I'm a former accountant,

Sherry Darden:

I like to talk too much to be an accountant. Got to three years

Sherry Darden:

projections did created a an elaborate legend. And so for

Sherry Darden:

those of you not familiar with legend, it's if revenue says

Sherry Darden:

$2.5 million. There's a footnote down at the bottom that says,

Sherry Darden:

how did we come up with these numbers so that the reader

Sherry Darden:

doesn't know it's just not pie in the sky? I mean, I did an

Sherry Darden:

amazing job. And I don't brag on myself very often. But I was so

Sherry Darden:

proud of myself during this, send her an email with the

Sherry Darden:

attachment. Here's the spreadsheet. Here's the legends.

Sherry Darden:

And I mean, I'm very explicit and very, for both you know

Sherry Darden:

about my explanations about what I'm submitted, the email I get

Sherry Darden:

back from her was T, H. E, A. Yes. So I had because we're both

Sherry Darden:

eyes, so I had to kind of sit there for a minute. And I was

Sherry Darden:

kind of offended. And I was kind of perplexed. And I just kind of

Sherry Darden:

watched the email for a minute. And I was like, okay, obviously,

Sherry Darden:

she didn't see. So I emailed. Did you see that enough? I get

Sherry Darden:

an email back saying, yeah. So I had to eat my own cooking.

Sherry Darden:

Because sometimes as practitioners and coaches, we

Sherry Darden:

don't always eat our own cooking when we can serve it to others.

Sherry Darden:

And I said, Wait a minute, Sherry, are you listening?

Sherry Darden:

Because we can listen through words? Remember, I said just the

Sherry Darden:

words. So even though it was email, I had to listen to her.

Sherry Darden:

So that th s, and that Yep, meant she was a D, meaning she

Sherry Darden:

likes Cliff Notes quick, short, to the point. If she had needed

Sherry Darden:

anything extra for me, it would have been in that response. So

Sherry Darden:

when we talk about the platinum rule, and the platinum rule,

Sherry Darden:

everyone is with let me go back. Golden Rule, we think the golden

Sherry Darden:

rule is treat everybody the way you want to be treated. We were

Sherry Darden:

taught that in elementary school, our parents taught us

Sherry Darden:

that let me tell you wrong, we treat people the way they want

Sherry Darden:

to be treated. So when we think about communication, so we need

Sherry Darden:

to communicate with others the way they need to be communicate

Sherry Darden:

with. So a three year relationship with this client, I

Sherry Darden:

learned when I sent her an email, quick, short to the point

Sherry Darden:

bullet points, if she needed more explanation, the better.

Sherry Darden:

That's the reason why we had a three year relationship. Because

Sherry Darden:

communicating, you know, being successful in business, customer

Sherry Darden:

service, it, it just plays across all industry lines, and

Sherry Darden:

all roles that we play is we need to listen how that person

Sherry Darden:

wants to be treated. And then we treat them communicate with them

Sherry Darden:

by active listening, which was looking at those words. Yep.

Sherry Darden:

Yep. I didn't mean Yes. And, yes, she was done.

Sherry Darden:

Now, for those of you who may not be familiar, Sherry and I

Sherry Darden:

both studied the same form of disk. There are different

Sherry Darden:

companies out there that put their own twist on it, but we

Sherry Darden:

send you the same one, where DIFC all the letters are in

Sherry Darden:

caps. And the D when she said her client was a DI, D stands

Sherry Darden:

for dominating a problem. And sometimes we feel like they're

Sherry Darden:

trying to dominate us and overbearing to us but actually,

Sherry Darden:

they're just attacking the problem. short, quick, they want

Sherry Darden:

nothing but bullet points. Like give me the bullet points and

Sherry Darden:

you know what, five is kind of pushing it. Three is perfect

Sherry Darden:

five is like being you must be elaborating. And again, if they

Sherry Darden:

want more, they're gonna ask for more. And then we have the eyes

Sherry Darden:

What do we eyes want?

Sherry Darden:

Eyes are for the general population that hasn't taken an

Sherry Darden:

assessment or have been coached and that we're the warm fuzzy,

Sherry Darden:

you know, it's how are you doing? How was your day? It's

Sherry Darden:

really about relationship and being down here in Dallas. You

Sherry Darden:

know, there's Dallas and there's Fort Worth and people like to

Sherry Darden:

say Dallas is the DEA. We're quick short to the point because

Sherry Darden:

got a lot of transplant, a little bit more cosmopolitan.

Sherry Darden:

And then for work is the eye. They want to do relationships

Sherry Darden:

with people they know. So it is How are you tell me a little bit

Sherry Darden:

about yourself, how's the weather, let's get to know each

Sherry Darden:

other a little bit on a personal level, then we can move into the

Sherry Darden:

business. There opposite ends of what we kind of think about the

Sherry Darden:

spectrum of this because I is relationship, let's talk about

Sherry Darden:

feelings of things. And your D is if we start talking about

Sherry Darden:

feelings, my face is melting up, your Ds are task oriented, your

Sherry Darden:

eyes are people oriented. So when you talked about the D, you

Sherry Darden:

know, how is it attack, they attack the task. So you'll hear

Sherry Darden:

them say things like bottom line, big picture, that's

Sherry Darden:

listening to the words, you know, your eye is gonna go with

Sherry Darden:

the Monday and I find myself doing that Happy Monday. But

Sherry Darden:

again, I'm listening to my receiver, and those who don't

Sherry Darden:

want to know about Monday. It's like, I need like XY and Z. So

Sherry Darden:

that's your D, and that's your eye. And so that's kind of

Sherry Darden:

giving you just kind of a quick snapshot of what Jennifer and I

Sherry Darden:

do with this. It's a wonderful tool. It's not a personality

Sherry Darden:

assessment kind of gets a bad rap. It's really about

Sherry Darden:

communication style. How do we look at things? And how do we

Sherry Darden:

communicate it. So it's a it's a game changer for everyone, even

Sherry Darden:

on your personal life,

Sherry Darden:

and I heard one time I was I worked for the federal

Sherry Darden:

government I mentioned. And a lot of people in the federal

Sherry Darden:

government, they're often very much introverts, often very, not

Sherry Darden:

very talkative, like just give them the job, let them do it.

Sherry Darden:

And I was with a management team. And we took the test. And

Sherry Darden:

I was the only one who scored high in the eye. And I as for

Sherry Darden:

influencing others, and the leader of the group, which this

Sherry Darden:

was one of the reasons I got so interested in, it was like, if

Sherry Darden:

you have a new program, give it to Jennifer, because she's a

Sherry Darden:

cheerleader, and she will get everybody on board. And so the

Sherry Darden:

fun thing about disc it is, you know, communication, behavioral

Sherry Darden:

style test versus personality quiz, like you say, but you

Sherry Darden:

learn to appreciate all the people on your team. And we you

Sherry Darden:

mentioned earlier in our conversation about diversity,

Sherry Darden:

and we need it all we need the DS to come up with the solution,

Sherry Darden:

we need the eyes to get everybody on board. And then the

Sherry Darden:

esses are the ones who are going to write all the SOPs and how

Sherry Darden:

we're going to implement it, they love the procedures of it,

Sherry Darden:

and then see for the compliance are we doing it and doing it

Sherry Darden:

right? So we need everybody. And people think I want to hire

Sherry Darden:

somebody just like me, because we'll play really well together.

Sherry Darden:

What do you think about that? Oh, you're shaking your head.

Sherry Darden:

For those of you who are listening to audio? Sherry's,

Sherry Darden:

I'm sorry, I'm shaking my head. No. Tell me more. No. And so you

Sherry Darden:

know, when you think about that the phrase, putting a square peg

Sherry Darden:

in a round hole, we need different people, because

Sherry Darden:

everyone is D that everybody's looking at the big picture. And

Sherry Darden:

then your your S which is sometimes we think about you

Sherry Darden:

know, your study, it's like, let's think about things. So are

Sherry Darden:

your conscientious person or your compliance person, you

Sherry Darden:

know, let's talk about making sure that we dot our i's and

Sherry Darden:

cross all of our T's, you need each and every person because

Sherry Darden:

again, if everybody was looking at the big picture, nothing gets

Sherry Darden:

done. Also, too, if everybody has an eye, which is you know,

Sherry Darden:

your your influencer, we're gonna have a good time. You

Sherry Darden:

know, but not going to know. So I have another trainer, Speaker

Sherry Darden:

friend, and we're working, we were kind of opposite on that.

Sherry Darden:

And so she was really the high I and I was really the

Sherry Darden:

conscientious person of it. So she's like, let's do let's do a,

Sherry Darden:

let's do a lightning net, then we'll have these we'll have

Sherry Darden:

these sparklers. And those of you that that can see the duck a

Sherry Darden:

little clapper thing so that you can share. We want to do all

Sherry Darden:

that and I go, Okay, that's great. But what's the why are we

Sherry Darden:

doing this? How much are we making? What's our goal, and she

Sherry Darden:

was like, you are just no fun. But we needed both of that.

Sherry Darden:

Because at the end of the day, even though she wanted to have

Sherry Darden:

fun, she also too wanted to make money. So it keeps us all

Sherry Darden:

grounded. So we really need to have a well rounded, those of

Sherry Darden:

you that are leaders that you are looking to place people in

Sherry Darden:

the right position. It's a great tool, because if you've got

Sherry Darden:

someone who was looking at the big picture, really doesn't want

Sherry Darden:

to talk a whole lot. You don't want to have them as the the

Sherry Darden:

forefront speaker person, you know, you don't want to have

Sherry Darden:

them going to the conference, thinking about conferences,

Sherry Darden:

because they're like, what, why do I need to talk about this

Sherry Darden:

little tchotchkes? You know, I'm holding up something here. It's

Sherry Darden:

a it's a battery powered bike. You know, I don't care about

Sherry Darden:

this. I just really need to think about bottom line. So it's

Sherry Darden:

just a really good well rounded way so that everybody can play

Sherry Darden:

well in the sand, because you're gonna have the person who has

Sherry Darden:

the vision of the big castle, you need to have the person that

Sherry Darden:

keeps us all going, when we're tired, you need the other person

Sherry Darden:

who can maybe get through the stats up how tall we need to

Sherry Darden:

make that same Castle, so that it doesn't top off. So it really

Sherry Darden:

we really do need, because if we have everybody like ourselves,

Sherry Darden:

nothing will get done it in any any aspect of that. So it's just

Sherry Darden:

a really great way. And it's also a great way for motivation.

Sherry Darden:

How do you motivate people, you know, again, that D, that

Sherry Darden:

dominant person, not a whole lot of fanfare, so I do an exercise

Sherry Darden:

when I do group coaching. And it's, it's planning the ultimate

Sherry Darden:

vacation. And so I give them markers, you know, and I give,

Sherry Darden:

you know, I'm like, if you're going to give, if you're going

Sherry Darden:

to create a flyer for a D, you know, and of course, I give it

Sherry Darden:

to the I got all kinds of, you know, pine, you know, palm trees

Sherry Darden:

and lots of color, didn't want that, give it to him black and

Sherry Darden:

white, you know, it's prestigious, it's the top rank,

Sherry Darden:

it's all of those things. So we have a really great calm

Sherry Darden:

conversation about success when we're thinking about selling,

Sherry Darden:

because I do that with real estate agents and that kind of

Sherry Darden:

thing, you know, if I want to buy a house, so it's not just

Sherry Darden:

about the neighborhood, how do you sell to me? You know, to me,

Sherry Darden:

I want to know about property tax, because our property taxes

Sherry Darden:

ridiculous in the Dallas area, you know, but I do also want to

Sherry Darden:

know about the windows and you know, all of the tchotchkes

Sherry Darden:

there. So knowing listening to that person about what their

Sherry Darden:

desires are for that home, then you get to communicate with them

Sherry Darden:

get to find the house, get to find the bullet points, the

Sherry Darden:

selling points and that kind of thing. So it's just a wonderful

Sherry Darden:

tool. Can you tell her like this?

Sherry Darden:

It is it's so wonderful in a similar example was at a

Sherry Darden:

restaurant. If if you're at the waitstaff server at a

Sherry Darden:

restaurant, and a couple is having a very in depth

Sherry Darden:

conversation? Yes. Yes. Going over as a hi, I tried to have a

Sherry Darden:

conversation with them and interrupt them. We don't

Sherry Darden:

appreciate it. If I'm having a conversation with my friend.

Sherry Darden:

Just say, Do you need anything else and walk away? Right,

Sherry Darden:

you're gonna get more tips? Absolutely. One person I trade

Sherry Darden:

with said, Wow, I get a whole lot more tips now that I can

Sherry Darden:

read the room and see what the customers are looking for. Yes,

Sherry Darden:

they can, they can get what they want. So what else we just have

Sherry Darden:

a few minutes left. And this has been such a fun conversation,

Sherry Darden:

we're gonna have to get together, Sherry's in Dallas,

Sherry Darden:

I'm in Oklahoma City, we can meet in the middle, it's

Sherry Darden:

discussed right

Sherry Darden:

up on i 35. We can be more like the casino.

Sherry Darden:

thing. So tell me a little bit about what you think success is.

Sherry Darden:

So the audience can really get a sense of what they can step into

Sherry Darden:

more powerfully. Now, after our conversation. Yeah,

Sherry Darden:

I think success is reaching your objective. And so when you reach

Sherry Darden:

your objective, whatever that is, it has to be communicated

Sherry Darden:

correctly. There's no ifs, ands, or buts. So if you're thinking

Sherry Darden:

about Twitter, or Instagram, or LinkedIn, or Facebook, or face

Sherry Darden:

to face, we're all selling something. So whether we're

Sherry Darden:

looking for job success, your objective is getting that job.

Sherry Darden:

So when you're listening to that interviewer, you're going to be

Sherry Darden:

listening for the words that they are looking for. If you're

Sherry Darden:

looking for a contract, and even though you're talking about the

Sherry Darden:

state or federal government, nonprofit, all of those things,

Sherry Darden:

we're still selling, we're reaching an objective, which is

Sherry Darden:

to exchange money for services. They're still individuals. So

Sherry Darden:

many times we kind of think about people globally. So even

Sherry Darden:

that D person is still working with another person. So success

Sherry Darden:

is meeting your objectives and meeting your objective is to

Sherry Darden:

actively listen for that person you want to exchange something

Sherry Darden:

with and speak their language. So figure out what your

Sherry Darden:

objective is listening doing that active listening, are you

Sherry Darden:

listening? Really, are you listening, implementing that

Sherry Darden:

Platinum Rule, which is treating or slash communicating with them

Sherry Darden:

the way they want to be communicated with many contracts

Sherry Darden:

I've received? Because they say, Sherry, you get me. You listen,

Sherry Darden:

you really heard you weren't just trying to sell. You heard

Sherry Darden:

what I wanted. And you met me where I was. So that's what

Sherry Darden:

success means to me. Oh

Sherry Darden:

my gosh, I love that. So if anyone in the audience wants to

Sherry Darden:

get ahold of you, Sherry, how will they do that? Well, it's

Sherry Darden:

really

Sherry Darden:

easy. My first name is Sherry. Last name is Darren sh e r r y,

Sherry Darden:

d a r d e n. So I'm On LinkedIn at at Sherry Darden. My website

Sherry Darden:

is guess what? Sherry darden.com. And then you wonder

Sherry Darden:

what my email address is it Sherry at Sherry darden.com.

Sherry Darden:

Same thing on Instagram. So, again, make it easy for people

Sherry Darden:

to communicate with you. So it's Sherry Darden across the board.

Sherry Darden:

Oh my gosh, and we'll have in the show notes just in case

Sherry Darden:

somebody missed it. I'm Jennifer to Kagi and I look forward to

Sherry Darden:

connecting with you soon.