Aging: What you don’t fix on yourself, you pass onto others | DFS 330

Okay, welcome to Destin for success. I'm your

host. Jennifer Takagi, and today I have a special guest. Sarah,

okay, I'm going to put your first and last name all together

as one thing, and then I'll just do it again. So now I'm going to

do it the right way. Karen sarmento, Karen, welcome to the

show. I'm so happy to have you today. Hello.

Thanks for having me. I was looking forward

to this. Oh, I

know. And my calendar got all wonky and we

had a rebook and reschedule. Karen is a nurse practitioner,

if I have that right in cardiology, but she is a mindset

mentor. I want to hear. How did you get into this? And how can

you help me?

So I I've been a nurse practitioner for 19 plus

years, and love that job. No complaints about that, other

than I didn't necessarily feel like I was making as much of a

difference, like there was a little more juice inside me that

still needed to I don't know, help people, but what happened

unfortunately in my life is my son's father passed away

unexpectedly, my fiance in an accident, and my life turned

upside down, and I hit a real dark place. And as I started to

pick up the pieces and finally pull myself together, I realized

that I had more in me, and I had a greater purpose, and it was

that it was to help other people get out of that dark place. So I

feel like we're most qualified to help the person we used to

be, and we're an expert on that person, because you were there.

And I just little by little, as I worked on myself, I wanted to

share all that I was learning with other people. Gosh,

I love that so much. And I was at a conference

about a year ago, and one of the speakers said, I want to impact

I think it was 10 million lives. It was a huge number. And I was

like, I'm sitting there taking notes, thinking, like, Wow. I

mean, like, two would be big for me. Like, really, 10, 10

million. And then he broke it down, and he was like, if I help

one life, and they end up impacting 10 people, and then

those 10 people, 10 people, and then you get to 10 million very

quickly. And I was like, Oh, wow. So I can make a very quick

connection. As a nurse practitioner, you can help

people one at a time, and of course, that ends up helping

their family, right? But if you help a really hurting person and

their pain, their journey is impacting a great number of

people, then it that impact is exponentially bigger. I can so

see that connection,

such a beautiful way to put it. And when I think

of even myself, one of the big moments when it really hit home,

what a dark place I was in, is somebody said to me, what you

don't fix in yourself, you know, you pass along to your child.

And it was like, like, it just a punch in the gut. And what you

just said there about the ripple effect. So as I got myself

together and got stronger and started really showing up, that

impacted him, and what's, what a, what a, an amazing thing to

be able to do. So that ripple effect that you're speaking of,

so then it's your family, then it's friends, and then it's

their friends, and it, it's, it's really powerful

well. And look at your son, because, like, had

you not healed and helped, obviously, that impacted his

view of the world, then he could have ended up having struggles

at school and not getting along with other kids. And I mean,

like, the negative impact could have been extreme, and now he's

going to have an extreme positive impact.

Yes, and to set that example for him and for

other women, that you can go for it like we we're so I don't know

that self doubt creeps in even when you get that little whisper

that maybe, maybe I have, maybe I have a greater purpose, or

maybe I meant for more. But then, yeah, not me. That's,

that's for her, or she could do that, I couldn't do that.

That's for somebody else,

right? Isn't she amazing? She's but you don't see

it as that could be me too. If she can, I can. I've had a

mentor that has said that right along.

She can, I can. Okay, so how do you. People,

what do you do? You said you were a mindset mentor. How does

that work? How do you help people with that? Yeah,

so it definitely starts with an awareness, an

awareness of where you are now, and catching your thought

process so when you actually walk through your day to day

life, noticing the way you talk to yourself, notice where the

limiting beliefs creep in. Notice where you have that self

imposed boundary of where you cap off your results and

allowing yourself to start to actually think big, and allowing

yourself to dream and create a bigger vision for yourself, but

simultaneously recognize where the doubts are coming in and

catching that because all of that, the doubts and the

limiting beliefs have kind of been formulated over the course

of our lifetime, so they're pretty, pretty, uh, heavily

embedded in who we are, but you can change that with starting

with an awareness of what they are.

And we end up going through life just so

mindlessly. I was driving home the other day, and I drive this

highway every week, and it was coming close to sunset, and I'm

just driving along, just driving along, and all of a sudden it

was like there was a deer on the side of the road, and he was

just on the other side of the shoulder, like he was feet, or

she, whatever it was. And I was like, Holy crap. Like, I thank

goodness it didn't run in front of me. Like, I don't know if I

don't know if I could have responded fast enough, because I

was just going through the motions. I had the cruise

control set. I'm just staying in my lane right? So that awareness

is big

it is. I've actually driven to work because

I was so conditioned to go to work that a day I wasn't going

to work. Actually, got on the highway as if I was going to

work. Like, oh my god, I'm going to get my hair done. I'm not

going to work.

This is not,

yeah, that was a point in life for I was just

literally Groundhog Day, going through the motions every day,

same thing, and if we do the same thing every single day, we

get the same result every single day.

What is the isn't that the definition of

insanity?

It is doing the same thing over and over again

and expecting a different result.

I have high expectations, but I'm going to

do the same thing. So, yeah, exactly. Oh my gosh. So

awareness is number one. That's so key. I love that.

And then asking yourself, when you actually

create a bigger vision for your life, or if you recognize that

you have a greater purpose? Who do I need to be to actually pull

that off? Who do I need to show up as to do those amazing

things. Or who am I with the goal achieved? Like, how would I

walk, talk, dress, communicate, have, experience, conflict, all

those things and doing it. So I call it myself image script, and

I've actually written it out. Like, how would I talk? How do I

walk you head up, shoulders back, because you can't

outperform your self image, so we have to step that up. It's

like a a thermostat and limited self image limited results, but

you can change that with just even subtle changes and the way

you show up in the world. And it could be fun too, because you

kind of can almost recreate yourself.

I was at an event in in doing this kind of

thing, which, as you say it, I'm like gang. I didn't do that. I

knew that I didn't do it, Karen, but she actually had us rename

our Alter Ego, that we could be best friends with her and step

into that.

How fun. I have heard of that you have actually

giving her a name. Yeah, yeah, that's very fun.

It is fun, and it's fun to have that playful

thought, like I've, I've done some amazing things in my life,

and I'm so grateful that I've had the opportunities that I've

had, but I've said I was going to do something, and I've heard

instantaneous result responses, not Even a hair of a second,

nano second thought I could never do that. And inside I'm

thinking, sure you could, because we're not that

different, like, of course you could, but it's that idea of not

being able to dream bigger. And oh, well, maybe I could do that.

I.

Hands. It's that split second that we talk

ourselves out of it, and then you just stay in the comfortable

place for that reason too, because it's comfortable.

It's what we know, whether we like it or not.

I get a lot of energy healing work, and the one thing I've

learned is even if we keep reliving the same emotion over

and over again, and we're like, I hate that emotion. I hate that

emotion. The subconscious mind is like, but I know how to feel

it. I know what it is. And you you know you struggle to get

past that awesome. So you have to ask, What do you want? What

do you need? Who do you want to be? How am I going to show up? I

love that. So impactful.

Yes, I love that. What you just said, even

though it's a negative place, it's home. It's like, oh, I'm

home, even though it's not serving us to stay there,

yeah, not in any way at all. Oh my gosh. So

what else? So now, now I'm creating a vision for myself of

how I'm going to show up in the world. I need to do this like,

really focused. I love it. Okay. What else? Yeah,

writing it down. Writing it down is powerful.

Your vision for your the future, anything that you'd like to

create do what you want to be do and have basically, but show

writing down your self image script. Who do you need to show

up as? And, gosh, catching those limiting beliefs when they creep

in. And whatever it is that you're afraid of or afraid to

do, to do it anyway, because that's where the power is.

That's where we grow. That's where we develop our strength.

When you actually do the thing, the thing will give you power.

And I think when you get on the other side of that, that's when

you come out differently, come out a different person, just

even if it's a smidge stronger, or your head's just up, just a

little bit taller, because, damn, I did it.

Oh my gosh, I love that. I'm taking notes.

That's

I love it. That's awesome. I keep having

a pause to finish my thought that I want to

write down. I'm an avid note taker. That's kind of like my

claim to fame is an avid note taker. So when, when people work

with you? What does that look like? How do we work together?

I do it in a I have two different ways. I have

a four week which is just a self image class. Course, it's a once

a week class group setting, but we work on self image alone,

because that's just really can be a self imposed boundary of

what what your life could look like, and that's all group and

then I also have a 12 week program where we go through

awareness, knowing, doing gap like I know What I should be

doing. Well, why aren't I doing it? Visioneering, creating the

vision we cover self image. So each week, it's a different step

of how you can really conquer your basically, it's your your

subconscious mind, all those deep seated thoughts and

paradigms, those so that the belief system that we've

developed over the course of a lifetime, and it's from

everywhere, it's family, culture, friends, society, we've

over time, kind of become something else and sort of an

unbecoming

Well, it is, and I I'm work with Brenda

Burchard in his mastermind group, and it's like to having

that awareness, and you have to make a choice. Do, Do I want to

stay where I am right now, or do I want to step into something

better, bigger and greater?

Mm, hmm, cuz that you said that a choice.

Go ahead. Yeah, it's a comfort zone. And you

said, and you have a choice, right?

It's, it's so true. And one of the topics I

always cover is decision making, because similar to a choice,

it's it's like a decision. I'm going to do things differently.

I want different, and I'm going to do different, because that's

how things will change. And it does start with a decision. I

didn't I used to not be a good decision maker, very wishy

washy, maybe, well, I don't know. Let me ask. And then it

creates a lot of ambivalence inside your mind and disorder in

your mind, and it's hard to create from that state.

Indecisiveness creates disorder. Is that what

you just said?

I did, yeah,

oh my gosh, that is so powerful. I as an

entrepreneur, I read books from, you know, some of the greats,

and they, they say the most successful people, make

decisions very quickly. And I was like, Well, how do you do

that? And it was like, they make a decision, and if it doesn't

work out, they suck, and they do something else. And it was like,

you can do that.

Yes, that's exactly it. And it's like a

muscle. So the more you get used to making decisions swiftly and

standing by your decision. And like you said, if it doesn't

work out, you're just accountable for whatever

decision you made, because it's I always feel like it's an

inside job. I'm the I'm the creator, so if I make a

decision, it's the wrong one, and oh well, we'll just have to

do it differently next time.

Well, and I in in my past career, I used to

tell my staff when they would get hung up on like they didn't

even make the decision. Most of the times they made

recommendations, right? Like they put all the packages

together, made a recommendation, and then I weighed in. My boss

weighed in. You know, who knew how many levels it would

possibly go through. But my thing was, there's nothing we

did in our job, unlike you being a nurse practitioner in

cardiology, there was nothing we did that was life or death. If

somebody called and it was life or death, they needed to call

911, because we could not solve that, right? So in making a

quick decision, it's quickly deciding if this is the wrong

decision, what's, what's the ramification, but not dwelling

on it? Yeah,

you're right.

We end up hanging on to that so long. Oh

my gosh. So I love this. So if, if I want to, like, take the

first step, and I want to shift my mindsets? Is there one

practice that I could engage in every day that would have the

biggest impact for me?

First thing that comes to mind is mirror work,

just catching your your thoughts, so being aware of your

thoughts as they creep in, but when you're looking in the

mirror in the morning, first thing in the morning, when you

get up, brush your teeth, wash your face, whatever, brushing

your hair. What's going through your head and what are you

saying to yourself, catching any negatives there, but speaking to

yourself with all positives when you look in the mirror, and it's

a great place to start looking in your own eyes and pointing

out all your positives, that you look good today, or my hair

looks good today, or my skin, rather than the norm, we tend to

go right to the negatives, zeroing right in on Gosh, as

well at the wrinkles, and so focusing on the positives and

just being aware.

I I have a best friend since I was 11, and I

talked to her most days, and I'll say, oh my gosh, I'm having

the best hair day ever. And she's like, really, really,

that's what you have to say right now. And I'm like, yes,

because some days it's not but today is a great hair day, so I

can do anything

I love that I

do that's so fun. People, people would laugh.

They'd be like, She's crazy. Well, you know, it's the little

things in life. It's the little things that end up breaking us.

It's not the big tragic things, right? We've survived everyone

listening to this podcast. And Karen, obviously, you have had

an immense amount of tragedy in your life, too. Life too. But

here we are, and we're moving on. And they were huge. But you

know, you do that one stupid little thing and you beat

yourself up like it was life or death, and it was not right, but

you beat yourself up over the little thing. So those are the

things that I think we have to embrace a whole lot more.

I could not agree more. We spend so much

time with the memories that don't serve us, revisiting it

and revisiting it, but we don't revisit the amazing things we've

done, or remind ourselves of the amazing things, but we will

revisit the mistake, and those are the things that really

propel us forward. I think it's the mistakes and the adversity

or the challenges that's the time that you grow, when things

are difficult or challenging, and you make it through, come

out on the other side. And you do come out on the other side.

You come out different. You come out stronger. You come out with

more wisdom and something to share with other people.

And you just can't stay there. You have to

come out on the other side. Mm.

Yes,

it's a choice, it's a decision, but you have

to, well, you don't have to. It's your choice, but the right

choice is to come out on the other side. It

is to make that decision a committed decision to

yourself, and it's got to be for yourself. It's like that

personal integrity, where if I say I'm going to do something, I

do it because I said I was going to, whether nobody, whether

anybody knows about it or not, because we'll keep our word to

other people, but don't always keep our word to ourself.

You might know the answer to this, because I

don't, but I vaguely recall that I read somewhere that when you

don't keep your promise to yourself, then it becomes easier

and easier not to keep your word to yourself, to the point that

when you decide you want to do something big, it's really hard

to do because your mind is like, she doesn't do what she says

she's going to do. I'm not really going to support her in

this. Have you? Are you familiar with that? Can you

I have absolutely and I don't have

anything to cite it per se, but I definitely agree with that,

and believe that wholeheartedly. It's like your subconscious mind

you've created this, I don't know, message that you're you

don't take action, you procrastinate, or she says she's

going to do a thing, she's not going to do it. But you can turn

that around too. Also, like starting things and not

finishing them, you start to tell the subconscious mind that

you're not a finisher. You don't do what you say you're going to

do.

So do you have any suggestions on how to take

that next step?

Yes, starting small. So starting with small

things, setting promises to yourself, but they they should

be small to begin with, so that you can absolutely follow

through. So if it's you know, you want to start getting up

earlier in the morning, rather than saying, I'm going to get up

at 4am meditate and exercise every morning. When you don't do

that,

I dare do that. If

I said I was going to start do I'm going to

start doing that tomorrow, getting up at 4am exercising and

meditating, and I'm going to read too. It's like a a recipe

for disaster, setting yourself up to just confirm to the

subconscious mind that I don't do what I say I'm going to do,

but if I say I'm going to start getting up 10 minutes earlier,

or tomorrow, I'm going to get up 10 minutes earlier, or today,

I'm going to go for a quick walk, I don't know, outside for

for 15 minutes. Small goals that are very achievable. So you can

start to reprogram the subconscious mind that you do

what you say you're going to do.

I love that I I was on a a group call, and the

leader was going through their day and all the things they do.

And you know, it looks like you have to get up at three or four

in the morning to get all that done before you have a fully

productive day. It was like, Holy crap, bully. I you know, I

can't do that. And a woman typed in the chat, and she was like, I

don't even know how to do all of this. And and then she proceeded

to say, kind of like, what her day looked like. And a really

kind person put in the chat, pick one thing and start doing

that. So if you want to get up earlier in the morning and

meditate, exercise and do 40,000 things before your work day per

se starts, maybe it's just getting up 10 minutes earlier

and starting your day for a while, until that becomes a bit

of a routine. And then add something else. But for me, four

comes once a day, and that's in the PM, not in the AM.

Oh, thank you, and that's important to

recognize too, that, you know, some people feel like that, that

miracle morning, you have to be up at four and 5am doing all

these things. But if that doesn't suit you or serve you,

you have to do what lights you up or what fuels you, and if

getting up at 4am just leaves you feeling exhausted all day,

and it's not your thing. You have to figure out what your own

thing is so that it does suit you. And I think so

many of those things are brilliant, but

they're also just a really good framework. And I had a friend

who was extremely committed to the. At is it called Miracle

Morning, where you get up at four every day? Is that what

that is? Obviously, I did not research it because I wasn't

going to do it at all. And something had shifted in her

life. I can't remember what, but she said I decided to give

myself a break, and for the next month, I wasn't getting up at

four. I was going to get up at six because maybe she had out of

town company or something. She goes because I know I'm going to

be up later, and I can't get up at four if I'm up a little bit

later. So I think sometimes we beat ourselves up because we try

to incorporate some very rigid standards that may not suit us.

Absolutely,

yeah, the rigidity of it is, yeah,

absolutely.

It makes it hard. Well, if, if the audience,

when the audience wants to get hold of you, how are they going

to find you? Miss Karen.

Okay, so I have a website, Karen sarmento.com,

and I would invite people to join me in my Facebook group,

which is just, it's all women, just a free environment where I

provide a lot of information. We're in the middle of a self

image challenge, depending on when this comes out, but we're

I've always got something going on in there. So that is under my

company name, which is sarmento mentoring services. That's the

Facebook group, and you can find me on Facebook under my name or

under sarmento mentoring services.

Oh my gosh. I love that, Karen, you've given

us such great things. And I love like the the three main things

that I took away were awareness of where you are, because,

again, we just blindly go through life, and could've hit a

deer and think, you know, by the grace of God, did not ask about

creating your bigger vision for yourself. I have read a lot and

heard a lot about the brain loves questions, and it wants to

work really hard to solve them. So like, what could my bigger

life look like? What's that vision? And then writing it

down, I would be embarrassed to flip this camera around for you

to see all the spiral notebooks I have all over my office, and

it's very embarrassing. And I've tried tablets, and I've not

found one that feels as good as a spiral. But I mean, I've I've

committed, I'm going to write it down. I'm totally going to write

it down. Um, and I love that you've got several ways you can

work with people. Is your 12 week program, group or one on

one, that's group, that's group. Okay, so it's all group,

awesome. Yeah, I do some one on one, but it's

kind of morphed into a lot of group. Yeah, the community is

kind of nice. Everybody's got support, and it's, it's been a

great community of women.

I I've had some awesome experiences in group

programs, and recently, an experience was one of the

participants shared several like mic drop comments, and it was

like, we would have all never gotten the benefit of that if it

had just been one on one. I think there's a benefit of one

on one, but there's really some juicy stuff that comes out in

group coaching,

absolutely

yes. So as

we wrap up, do you have any final thoughts for the audience?

I just would encourage the audience that

listen to that inner voice if you're getting that subtle

whisper that you might have a greater purpose, or toying

around with doing something more with your life, or just just in

general, to listen to that voice, that message is meant for

you, and just take any step toward something different, and

the next step will be laid out for you little by little, and

that's how the change happens. Oh

my gosh, I love that. Thank you so much for your

time and your valuable insights today. Karen, oh,

thank you so much for having me. What a fun

conversation. I really enjoyed it.

I'm so glad I'm Jennifer Takagi with destin for

success, and I look forward to connecting with you soon see.