Thriving Beyond Mom Guilt with Morgan Tucker and Jory Froggatt Part 3

I think emotions for us can run really strong. And and it's really important for for our kids to for us to allow our kids to experience all sides of our emotions because it validates what they feel.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Alright tribe Welcome to awaken greatness with Dr. Cliff Fisher, Morgan Tucker. And Jory Froggatt is brought to you by Dream leader Institute where we awaken your greatness and give you the tools to find and create your greatest self and raise the consciousness of the planet. So we're doing another episode on mom Guitl, such a critical topic. You know, if you even if you're a guy, if you're a mom, if you're a working mom, if you're, you know, CEO, mom, or you stay at home, and you're the CEO of the family, like another episode, there's a lot to this, and I just want to make sure that we dive in and handle this. If we can ever help as you guys are listening to these episodes, please just reach out. So great. Enjoy this next episode. I'm super excited. Thank you very much.

Love is in every relationship is the exponentially the most important thing is this. Like there really is all there is. And we all want to do other things.

Sorry, one of the other things I was going to say that I learned with Cliff was, I always felt like I had to be that strong. Because I my mom was like, chaotic, and she's an alcoholic and is and so I felt like I always had to be that strong one. I wasn't the little one in the relationship, you know, growing up. And so with the kids, I always felt like I had to be strong, you know, for them. And sometimes Yeah, they would upset my say something and I would want I would cry, but I would leave the room and not show him and my cliff is like, why are you doing that they need to know like, they knew that's okay that you cry in front of them. You have to be strong for that. And so like that was a game changer too. And like, I'm let them see that side, you know, that soft side? And if they hurt my feelings, then they cry. Like that's okay. You know, I don't have to not show that side. So that was really important lesson that I learned

to. Wow, I need to learn that lesson. Yeah,

because it's like, you're like a really strong woman you with work with home, like you're running everything. And it's like, I do feel like there's like men who really feel it. But women like I feel like we can feel it too. Like, oh, we can't cry like some women feel like but I'm like, Oh no, I need to be strong. I need to be like, I'm taking care of everything. So yeah. So it's like a very vulnerability when you once you and you cry in front of your kids.

You know, in a sofa in a vulnerable moment here for a second like that. I just had that situation today. I was Miracast it was starting meal prep. And my 16 month old was thrown around and Skye was stretching out and doing some stuff and she was playing or doing something. And Skye said something sucks. For some reason in my brain, it went mom's sucks That is not at all what he said it was.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: No, no, I know. I know. He wouldn't say that. He's

at a trigger triggered me in such a way. And I was like, I Sorry, what did you say? And he's repeated and I was like, he goes, What do you think I said, and I was like, I thought you said that I saw and he I mean it. He got defensive and I was just horribly upset. And so So what did I go do? I went off in my room I started to laundry Yeah, and he came in there and was like, Why do you think that I would ever say that about him? You are even remotely close. And

it was I really had to just deep dive into myself and think you know what, we're in a really different season right now. And there's a lot of backstory to it, but we're we're just in a really transitional season right now. And there's parts of me that feels like they're failing even now. And so it was like my brain filtered something that was totally not even said but you know, it just it happens and so I mean I'm just sitting there cutting up sweet potato take Lily James for a walk so I think it's just there's so much pressure in internal dialogue that we we even consciously or subconsciously and I had to later just say look, I'm so sorry. Right, I know that you would never say that about me or to me. And he said, No. And he said, It really hurt me that you would think that I even would. You know, and so, anyway, like it really even though you Lily James is a little sad, but it there's, there's so much going on around and through that that, you know, the whole mood shifted and it was just like, Okay, let me just take the kids outside, you know. And so but I think emotions for us can run really strong. And and it's really important for for our kids to, for us to allow our kids to experience all sides of our emotions, because it validates what they feel. Yeah,

it's easier said than done sometimes. But that's important nonetheless. Because I don't want my girls, I don't want my kids to not be able to feel like they could cry, they gotta be strong. And you know, I don't want them to. So then why am I doing that? You know, right.

Right? And especially for females, you internally they can just implode?

Yeah, put on that smile, put on that face, like, Everything's fine. Everything's great, you know, but just, you know, have that pain inside.

Yeah, and it just, it's almost, it really tears down more than it lifts up. And so just even having that freedom to know that they, they have a safe place to come and a mom to say, Hey, this is really what I feel is so important. So and it's important for us to be able to have that too.

Definitely. All right.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: So I think as we're wrapping up, I think the three things I would love to know from both of you, because I think you guys probably have so different things in this but like, what are the top three, I have three things. So top three tools, top three things for self care. And then top three lessons learned. I have no idea.

You said something. So

Dr. Cliff Fisher: in that space, like I would love to hear like kind of like each of your guys's top three tools. And they can be like, I think as I'm processing this conversation, you know, and there's a lot of men and women listening to this like, Man, how can we support our wives to be better women better moms. And I think one of the things I learned you know, is really important was making sure Jory had time, like she didn't have to be on all the time. So if there's a time where I can come in and help whether it's little things of cleaning up, or just giving her that space where she can just go be alone, because I just I feel like that was one of the things I saw a lot was like she's with the kids 365 24/7. And just that 10 minutes, half hour hour to do whatever. And for me to, you know, hold that space, but like, what are three tools that you guys each have, whether that's younger as they get older, but what would you think are the three best tools that like the people listening to this could really use as a raising great kids? So

first, okay, um, I think I referenced it earlier. And it's something I'm actually getting gotten further in the last so many years, but I started well, the number one thing I read that helped me immensely was when my when the kids were young, and I would just get anxiety and like, oh my god, they're going to wake up all this stuff, I would be like, Oh, they're going to wake up from their nap and they're going to start screaming or I would have all this stuff and worry about what that might happen. And then I read this Eckhart Tolle book, The Power of Now. And it was like, be in the present moment, bring in the present moment, keep bringing it back to the present moment, why am I spending all this time and energy and stressing myself out my nervous system about what may or may not happen? So it's like, that was really important, because that was my, my window to like, keep coming back to the present moment. Because I think our we're always in our head about all this stuff. So it's like, whatever I'm doing now is what I'm doing now. Like, Melissa, this first time listen to this person, you know, so that was huge. Then I started on the yoga and the meditation. And again, it's like even it was just a 10 Minute. And there's so many great videos online like yoga, meditation, like you don't have a lot of window time. That's okay, like 10 minutes, five minutes like you'd be amazed and then breath work has been huge to like, how many deep breaths do we take in a day? So that can be really like bringing a lot of oxygen or our system to like calm our nervous system. So those have been ones that you can do and you don't have to like you know, spend a lot of money go to you know, drive places and things like that. So it's like something you could do kind of every, you know, every day and being out in nature has been really feeling

you know, believe it or not mine are very similar. So that. And I think one of the things that through DLA that I've learned is the power of neutral thinking. And the power of just like you said, being in the present moment and being fully, fully present for whatever conversation that you're having, and whether I'm having it with the 16 year old team member that's asking for more money. That's our race. Or it's my, my kid who is talking about being bullied at school. Like those are two different completely different time, like, emotional spaces, but it requires it's just me one person and it requires that mental divide, and being able to say, Okay, this is not necessarily good or bad in here in the moment, let's just figure out how we can work, how I can listen and how we can react to whatever it is. So I'm totally 100% on board with you on in that space as well. And restorative yoga was one of the absolute best things that I ever found for myself. So, the wall poses are one of my favorites. Yeah, I can I can I can almost do a handstand by myself. I'm so glad I'm almost there. I'm so so. But actually after also listening to that Robin our zone. Okay, I'm like, Man, I'm gonna get me a peloton. Just so I can be part of the Robin's wolf pack. So but yeah, I think just having that that mental outlet. And also, if you've ever heard of the paws app, it has been an amazing fan for me. And it's either a one minute, three minute, five minute, think that the highest it goes is a 17 Minute. Beautiful, it's a beautiful app. That's awesome. Love it. Um,

Dr. Cliff Fisher: the one thing on that too, like when you guys are talking about that the other thing that I found really helpful is just walking, whether it's with the kids or you know, just alone. But walking seems to really be helpful. All right, so then the next question, what a, and these can these sound like similar things. So the tools and self care, like I feel like those were, those were a lot of the things of self care, but anything else that you would add to tools for self care.

I was just thinking the other space is really that community, even if it's like finding that one mom that you connect with, that you can just kind of, you know, and like you said, like, the kids stay at home, maybe you go out or to meet with that mom, maybe you're with your kids, like whatever it is. So you have that community because I feel like we can be so isolated I enjoy. Being online is just like depleting to be on the social media. So it's like having that connection that you can meet with somebody is great.

Yeah, and I think the only thing that I would add to is do something that you love for yourself. Um, I guess, like I mentioned earlier, you say like a day and a half and do like all the things. And now I just do one thing. And it's like, I make sure I go get my hair done. Because that makes me feel beautiful. It makes a film I like it. It puts you in a completely different mental space and a different space of confidence when you you yourself, feel your best self. Absolutely. Sometimes it just takes, you know, something simple like that, and, and maybe anything so just however often you can do that.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: I'd be the one to treat yourself. Parks and Rec but um, I think that's really important. Because again, like our kids aren't going to do what we tell them, they're going to do what they see. So you taking care of yourself, them seeing you do self care is going to be different than you saying, oh, you should take care of yourself. Like that just doesn't hit the same. And so All right, last question. What are the lessons that you would love to pass on to moms or dads that are listening to this that you've learned over? You know, collectively, you know, 30 some years of parenting and I think over 37 years of parenting on your side to Morgan

it five years with Chick fil A and maybe not? Yes, absolutely. But like just

Dr. Cliff Fisher: that time like just that time being a mom like when you Um, you know, five kids, you know, 10 years is 50 years of parenting like, because you're not parenting the same child, you know? I mean,

boy, you're so right about that. Oh, I think for me, one of the biggest things is to be graciously gritty. To know that there is, there's so much grace that we need to give ourselves and that we need to even extend to our kids that we don't give. But, you know, like Jerry said, holding the line on so many things. And, you know, if we really look at our day to day lives, 70% of it is not the sexy social media spotlight, it is truly the dirty diapers or the conversations about food and screen time. And then you know, the meal prep it 70% of that is that but highlighting and finding what Marcus Buckingham calls the red threads of things that you love, and the spaces and so being relentless in in the things that matter and being gracious in the things that don't know, that's awesome. Love that all three.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: I couldn't tell I definitely got pretty big boy, you know,

I definitely got to. Yeah, I mean, I think that that's pretty much some of the best, I think, in all realms. That really kind of holds true for everything.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Yeah, I love it so graciously Grady, grace with yourselves and relentless and things that matter. I love it. It's awesome. Story. Well,

I mean, I think one of the best advice I got when the kids were young, because you get all this advice, or you read these all these books, it was just like too much, but I think it's like, like really, truly and people. Some moms are like, Oh my God, how can I enjoy this, but it's like, it's similar, like find those moments, like really enjoy that time. Because it does, like, my are older now. It's like to not miss those time. And I didn't feel like I missed that time. And whatever time you have with them, like, like you said, like, that's where the presents come in. So it's like missing that not missing those moments. And I think the other thing I was thinking of that book, that child whisperer book where it's like, can you have more kids, it was like, the kids are all different. So it's like just acknowledging their difference. And it's like, they're, they're gonna respond differently. And, you know, learning about your child, what, what suits them, and what's the best way to communicate with them. And the other ones, you can put the third one

Dr. Cliff Fisher: you got. So alright, so my three lessons, I think is like after hearing you guys talk and stuff, but like not to take things personally, like, you know, as a mom or dad, like, as a parent, we want to be liked by our kids. But really, at the end of the day, we want to be respected and loved. And, you know, it's our job to hold the line and, you know, show them a good environment and show them what good people do, at least in our in our opinion, like in our opinions, not the end all. And then the other big lesson for me is, you know, there's so much importance on having all family time, but it's so critical to do those one on ones, whether it's once a month, once a quarter, or once a year, like that you just do like one day one night where it's just one on one with you and the child. It's such a critical space, short and long term. And they just, those are the things that the kids remember, and stuff like that. And then the other one I had was just car time how critical that how important that car time is sometimes will Oh man, I gotta drive to this and drive to that. Or you can say, man, I've I've the next 15 to 20 minutes where have you know, undivided attention, undivided attention.

That's more like around the teenagers, I think you get a lot of attention when you start going to the room, you know, sometimes car times all your guts

Dr. Cliff Fisher: are that. And so and then I think my final lesson is, I think just as dads and men just to, you know, support our women in a really good way, like so I think it's really easy, like to get caught up in our stuff and the things that we have going on. But like, I think we just need more men to be more vocal. I think they're already out there. But I don't think they stand up. I think they don't think their voice is important. And I think for them to tell their wives and tell their you know, moms and their daughters, whoever it is in their lives. It's in this role, just that they're doing a great job and they're proud of them and they're doing an awesome job and they're creating great families and just to give them that support because I think too often then it is what you started off Toria where it's like, it's all about, like how much you bring in, like, you're bringing money in versus like, I know like for me, like, I know you raising our girls, and they like, that's what will like be our legacy that will be the generational impact, not the amount of money we have not the amount of money we give to our kids, none of that stuff. But truly, like, our kids are that continuation of who we are. So yeah, I love that too.

Because I don't feel like moms hear that. Because we're also they can hear it unless it's from their spouse. Yeah, so you're doing a great job, like, thanks for everything you do. Like, you know, we talk about like, when you're at work? Yeah, you're doing it usually hear that?

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Unless you're the CEO, right, then you might have to talk, it's the same, right? Like, it's the same, like nobody says, Oh, wow, you're doing a great job. Thanks for building such a great environment.

The other way we are constantly giving the feedback and very rarely isn't isn't offered back to us. So I can I feel that in both spaces, for sure.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: So I think in that space, more enjoy, I just really want to acknowledge work great moms, you guys are and thanks for your contribution and everything you guys do. And I know like I know, my personal world wouldn't be the same. And I know, sky's world would be totally different. And so thank you guys for doing what you do.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Dr. Cliff Fisher: Alright, tribe. So, I know we went long on that I felt like we needed to go long and deep. I think it was really important in that space. And, you know, and so I think, you know, whether you're a mom or a dad, or a man or woman listening to this, this is just one of those things to just really get and listen to and you know, share it. Because there's a lot of people that feel alone out there. They don't feel like they're doing a good job. And they're honestly probably world class. And so are they just need that over believer. And I know that's where de li like, we just did this drill with a one of my one of our our doctors and his wife where we just said, Hey, what does a good spouse look like? What does a good parent look like? Or Great? What is a great spouse? What does a great parent look like? And at the end of it, we had our our follow up meeting and they're like, man, we didn't realize we were so we're on the same page, we want the same thing. And so all of a sudden, just one conversation totally shifted their relationship.

Have the conversation, have

Dr. Cliff Fisher: the conversation. So all right, try. Well, you guys have a great week and we will see you guys next week. Thank you very much. Bye bye