The Power of The Pause with Tessa Lynne Alburn | S1E039

Hello and welcome to a call for love. I believe the most powerful gift you can offer yourself is to give and receive love more freely. I'm your host Linda Orsisni meditation guidance spiritual coach. Everyone has the desire to be seen, heard, respected and loved. The journey to becoming more connected to your greater purpose lies within the ability to live from the deep source of love within you. Let's begin.

Welcome Tessa Lynne Alburn. She is here because she is in line with a call for love. She is a feminine energy coach and podcast host for women seeking freedom, connection and having their voice in life and business with decades of experience, leading live and virtual events, and helping women create results tests and now helps women express their true voice, which we all want to be heard, and to show up in a life and way that they really want to. So welcome here Tessa for a call for love.

Tessa Lynne Alburn: Thank you, Linda, I'm happy to be here.

I feel like our messages are very aligned. And I love that you are into really creating results for people because we want to live more intentionally, more mindfully in our life, this moment, in order to raise their vibration to be in the best place of love and light. And I feel that that message resonates with you correct?

Tessa Lynne Alburn: Absolutely. And I love that you're using the phrase about like raising our vibration, because I think that's a big part of happiness and succeeding in one's life. And not everybody's aware of that. They're like, I don't know what that means. Or I'm I have energy, right. And so there's kind of a mystery around it. For a lot of people.

Exactly. And I think that we have become masters of living a life just by remote through reactive responses, as opposed to really acknowledging where we are in each moment and deciding if we can be in a place of love, or if there's a call for love. So in terms of a call for love, which really means tapping into your highest vibration, how would you say to us that you live very mindfully to create the awareness to shift into loving kindness for yourself and others?

Tessa Lynne Alburn: That's a great question. So I believe in the importance of understanding and, and staying aligned with our deepest values. And I'm really talking about like virtuous values. I'm not talking about like, I value, you know, money, for example, because it's not money is just an object, but what is it behind that that somebody might value money for? Right? So for me, for example, one of my highest values is compassion. And it's important for me to bring that into the world, however I can. And I am not always a compassionate being I mean, I do get frustrated, I might judge somebody, right, that's part of our human nature, that's the like the little devil inside. And we can interrupt it though and not be in reactivity. And instead be in response and choice. Like this is happening around me I don't have to enter into it at the same level. So for me, my mindfulness, working daily practice of being is to have that and and to be aware of how I'm interacting and to make the choices of how I'm doing that that are in alignment with who I came here to be the highest part of me. And the human gets to make mistakes you know, she's not perfect, but I know exactly where I need to be and I know how to get back on track so that hopefully is helping to frame you know how I do all that.

I love that I think Tessa we could get together for a tea and have a great conversation. I feel like that exactly. I mean, why are we so harder on ourselves, we are human beings living the spiritual experience. And we are first coming from it from a human perspective, which is reactivity like habitual responses. And until we really create the practice, to soften into the moment, and create more awareness, to shift into a better intention, which creates a more really beautiful action, then we can really transform our relationships, ourselves, and really the world around us, right? It's one step at a time.

Tessa Lynne Alburn: Absolutely. And so even as you were speaking, I could tell like, we share some of the same values, you know, use this word beautiful. A lot of people feel like, Oh, well, that's subjective. You know, beauty is subjective, but maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I think we all really know when we're experiencing something that's beautiful. We feel it, right, we connect to it. So for me, it's not, we're not always talking about beauty, image beauty, or the surface beauty of something talking about the that feeling that one gets of love and pure beauty from the essence of something or someone. That's beauty. Yeah,

that's beautiful. I, when I was growing up, and the youngest of 11 children, and I didn't have an grandparents and my mother's friends, Louisa spirit, and my aunt Clara's, they would always look at me and they'd say, You're so beautiful. And I'd say I'm beautiful. My hair is this my faces this by everything about me. And then it wasn't until I started to do the work, that they weren't looking at my physical body. They were looking at the essence of me. And now when I meet my clients, or I go into yoga class, or meditation class, I say Hi beautiful. And because it's not the body I'm talking about, it's their spirit. And the people who are really coming into my life are really beautiful people. And just like I have met you now, Tessa, I think that beauty attracts beauty. Love attracts love, you know, anger attracts anger, which we don't want. So when we're in awareness, we can invite that in. So are there any tips or strategies you've used in your life? To notice where you are in the moment? And to create that shift? To invite more beauty? Yes, I

Tessa Lynne Alburn: would say, I mean, there are many that I'm using at this point in time, and a lot of them have become really integrated in a way that I can't necessarily sort them anymore. But with that said, one of the first things that is so important is literally the pause, pausing, because when I'm like, you know, whether it looks like running around, you know, getting stuff done hurrying, walking too fast, like I have a friend who used to say, Don't walk so fast. And I was like, am I? And then I really looked at that. And I thought, Well, I kind of am I mean, sometimes it's purposeful. And other times it's not. Other times, I'm just in that habit. And so the pause allows just pausing, like it's okay to pause, it's safe to pause, nobody has to give me permission to do it. I can just pause in the middle of a conversation. I could pause here and have silence. And you would probably be okay with that. But a lot of your listeners might not be right, because they're not used to the to a pause, like what's happening? Why isn't something going on that's filling my brain other than the crappy messages that have been in there, you know, those little Gremlins those trolls. And so I think when we become more used to silence, then we can create a pause. That, that allows us with intentionality to connect to our whatever, whatever we want to call it. You could say connect to your inner peace, your higher power, to the beauty of the life great life intelligence of everything to the Divine, to oh, maybe I just want to pause and connect to my intuition or pause and connect to the human. Right What is it I'm feeling right now? Oh, oh, and just love her a little bit more. Listen and love. So listening is the next level of the pause right? It's pausing and listen. What am I becoming aware of right now? Inside me and whatever I'm choosing to connect to energetically.

I feel like people are thinking that the pause is just too Simple is just too simple. How can it make such a difference? And it can make the world of difference. When I look at the young kids today, multitasking, they have taken to a new dimension, not only are they playing an electronic, the TV is going the other computers going the phone's going. We are built on distraction. And it's takes real intention to create pause. And that's where the power is the pause. And that's where the miracles happen. And what you're saying is that if we could tap into that, it would be life transformative.

Tessa Lynne Alburn: It is. And I think it's doable. I think one of the reasons people don't do it is because they get freaked out in the pause. Right, suddenly, all the worries jump in? Oh, no, let me let me get on that. Let me make sure I'm listening to something I don't want to miss out. Right, the whole FOMO thing. And I learned about the pause from like, really learned about pausing from these workshops that I took years ago. And the facilitator was really amazing at this. And he had some mad skills when it came to understanding the nervous system, and how emotions connect within with the nervous system. And he had studied a lot of birth trauma. And so he helped families like unravel from problems like they come in, and you know, oh, our son, this our son that. And basically what he would do is like, sit on the floor with the kid, and just be like, hey, what do you need, you know, what do you want to do right now. And then, so the kids was cut off from his own information or, or was wanting to express something that the parents didn't know how to listen to, because they were worried about being good parents. But we all got to come in with these strange little birth traumas. And often, if we think about it, like our births, were surrounded with wackiness. You know, for me, it was my mother was like she was an agony, and they didn't have the right kind of drugs back then, for her, and she just wanted me out. There wasn't ready. You know, I was small. When I came out. And my father was missing, he decided to work a night shift, and he wasn't going to come to the hospital. So there's all this like emotional drama and trauma and things going on, where my mom probably needed her husband by her side, to soothe and calm her. She wasn't getting that. So all that stress, I was like feeling. And then we come into this life, and we carry that with us, it's unresolved. Mom can't go back and like rebirth me and say it's all okay, honey, now you're gonna have this wonderful welcome to the world. Like, it's awesome. Instead, there's all this stuff just poured onto that to us. And we feel it, we soak it up. We're like little sponges at that point. And then we start making choices from there and all the negative love stuff that we learn, you know, when a parent says, No, we think they're abandoning me or, you know, I'm horrible. And so we've got to get past that. Learn that it's actually okay to pause. Because we are in many ways we are the most important one here. Right now, I'm not talking about the ego, I'm talking about the value of this Divine Being who came in to the world as a human, but we are divine at the same time. And if we're not pausing for that recognition, that we're missing a big part of the we're missing 80% of the picture. And so we can run around and we can try to consume and fill our needs through this, that or the other, whether it's entertainment, or adventure sacks, you know, that's why people have so many addictions. We see it everywhere. We want to get back to our essential being and create a relationship with it. And so when I pause, I'm like, I'm the I'm the one who has the answers right here right now. And I'm just gonna do my best to listen to that and proceed and make a choice that I know is going to be good for me.

And that's very beautiful, because I hear that you're saying that through the pause, you can heal that past suffering or pain or emotional turmoil is through the pause that we can go back. I know for myself, if I've had something that's caused me emotional pain, I actually relive it in my mind and reframe it. Awesome. Because I just feel like, okay, I had an interaction with somebody, let's just say, which is not as traumatic. We're just taking a light incident. And I go back, and I and I kind of heal the the scenario by reframing it, and and offering different intentions. And I kind of work through it with that people say, you can't heal the past, but I believe you can. How do you feel about that?

Tessa Lynne Alburn: I absolutely believe that you can. Because I've done it. In the, in the mindset that I have around it, Linda, it's like, we have whatever happened on that. But we can shift the impact of it. And give ourselves almost like a second blueprint. So we can have both. And we can choose to be over there in the in the way of the past, or we can choose to be in the way of the present. And so to get to that place, I think as you were talking about the reframe I, the word that came up was acknowledgement. Right. And, and the other word that's very close to that, like, right on its heels, for me would be acceptance. Right, it's acceptance of, yes, I, first of all, I acknowledge whatever I went through this painful, of course, it makes sense that I would be, you know, upset, or whatever it was, you know, maybe at age eight, having a tantrum or something, I can accept that. Because that little girl was not getting what she needed. She didn't know how to get it. And she shouldn't have to have known how to get it. But she wasn't an adult, she wasn't even fully formed. The cool thing now is we are fully formed as adults. And so we can choose to hold that as a precious learning, and also make a new choice from this place in this moment at this time. So that doing that will help heal the past, if we can bring it in as part of us and not try to keep dismissing it, or setting aside or pretending it's not there didn't happen. If we can literally just embrace it, then it has no more power over us.

What I hear you saying which I 100% agree, which is the message of a call for love is creating space, to create awareness. In the pause, being mindful to the moment on purpose without judgment and holding space for all that is, and then through that, creating a new intention and new action because you know, this is what separates us, I think from the animal kingdom is that we have choices. And we can work from the egoic mind or the higher self mind. And when we give our top self time, space and self compassion, we can make choices and that and like you said before, they may not be the most perfect choices, but with practice and with repetitive it because that's what life is gonna give us. We can reframe it and we can move on from it. But it's really the power of mindfulness, the pause, making different choices to be more loving.

Tessa Lynne Alburn: Yes, I totally agree with you. And as part of that, being more loving. It's got a start here. Right like how Oh, how can I be more loving to myself in this moment? What do I need? Oh, wow, I just need to walk away for a few minutes or I need to go sit down or not sure. Maybe I need to just take a few moments and figure it out. Right so I love what you also said about the repetitiveness of the practice, because this is a sin In general, I am I refer to it as consistency. Like we've got to show up mindful and consistent with the intention. And I was fortunate enough many years ago to work with a Dr. Glenn angstrom, who was at the doctor of Kinesiology at UCLA. And he had done studies where he mostly worked with scuba divers. And that was my interest at the time. And I was on their team as a scuba instructor. And he had done these studies where people were doing simple things, let a simple things like clearing, there's a skill called mask clearing when you're a scuba diver, because water will leak in, and you want to make sure you can safely get it out without choking, underwater, right? So you'll learn how to do that. Well, but it's not until somebody does that skill 18 to 20 times that, then it's mastered. Now, we're not even talking about energy, like we're talking about a skill a thing that where you move your hands, you breathe a certain way, you stay physically still, and you do it. And you've in order to get to mastery, you've got to do it in a row 18 to 20 times perfectly. And so people are like, Oh, I tried meditation, you know, like three times. Or I did it last year, I'll try it again, that doesn't work. You know, it will, you've got to remember that you have had, we have had a whole lifetime of inundation and programming. And programming is mostly to fit in and belong. And so we shut down parts of ourselves, our personality, our true desires. We we shunted them away, because they weren't getting us what we needed, which was the acceptance to belong and fit in and know that we mattered. And so we've got to unravel that. But it does. The good news is it doesn't take a whole lifetime, we can do it actually relatively quickly. You know, within a few months, if we're focused, and we know what the steps are to take.

It's so fascinating. I completely agree. This is completely the message of a call for love. And with kindness and self compassion. We can do that one little baby step at a time. I always remember that movie from Bill Murray. What About Bob, he said, Just take a vacation from your problems and just do baby steps at a time baby steps at a time. We don't have to move so fast. In order to go far. And the power of the pause and all your beautiful reflections are really just the essence of the message of a call for love. And I so thank you for being here today, Tessa to share your message. It was so beautiful, you shared It's so lovely, and so succinctly. And I know that our listeners will be more than grateful to connect with you. And all the links will be in the show notes so that you can connect with Tessa, if that resonates with you. So from my heart to yours to all the listeners of a call for love. Namaste

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