Still Me: Alcohol Free with Laura Valvasori | S1E050

Are you someone on a spiritual journey, seeking to deepen your connection with your higher self? If you're eager to release fear, overcome self limiting beliefs and find relief from emotional stress and anxiety, then there is a call for love. And I'm your host, Linda Orsini, guiding you on your journey to awaken your inner healer by getting unstuck from old patterns through mindset, movement and meditation. Let's begin.

Welcome, everybody, welcome to a call for love. And here today I am with Laura valla. Sorry, and she is a business and well being mentor, the author of good to grow, cultivate your mindset and habits to thrive as an entrepreneur, and a certified Emotion Code practitioner. Well, I want to hear more about that Laura, the creator of the still me but alcohol free program, which is what we're going to dive in today. And like many woman in her early 40s, Laura started feeling like alcohol was no longer agreeing with her body. And drinking was starting to feel out of alignment with her otherwise healthy lifestyle. I think we could all agree. After hitting a breaking point, she decided to try it on going alcohol free and a quest to feel better. And today, over three years later, she lives happily alcohol free. She's now passionate about sharing what she's learned to guide other woman through the journey of shifting to an uncle all free, like boiler, that sounds really like a very interesting conversation we're gonna have so welcome to a coffee love. Thank you for having me. Great. Well, let's begin here with let's start with your story. Let's start from the beginning. Sure.

So starting at the beginning, I guess would be how I started drinking alcohol. I think like many people in high school and through university, I started drinking and drank on weekends and with friends. And then in my 20s that graduated to more sophisticated wine drinking and into my 30s. So that's when I had my kids, I feel like there was kind of like a mommy wine culture. And I had a really social life and have a lot of friends and would drink socially. And that kind of was my pattern throughout my adult drinking years. And the first time I questioned my relationship with alcohol was on my 40th birthday. And a friend shared a little video of pictures of me throughout the years, and I noticed how many pictures had a glass of wine in my hands. And it just sort of struck me and I thought wow, like, that's really a part of my identity. But I kept drinking and around 43 a friend and I were having a conversation and we talked about how I thought maybe someday I'd do something to do with health and wellness, but I didn't know what it was. And she said, Well, yeah, but you can't do that if you're drinking wine. And I thought, oh, like there's this misalignment, I'm starting to feel like this misalignment in my values. But I still continued drinking. And it was around 40. Like between that time and 45 I started experiencing some symptoms in my body that I wasn't familiar with. And I was having a lot of heartburn. That was one of my key things, and indigestion and I wasn't sleeping well. And I was starting to feel intuitively like I think maybe it might be the wine but I did not want to admit that because I couldn't imagine having a social life and not drinking. So I started doing all the other things. I went to a naturopath I started taking the supplements. I was doing all the things, but not following the little piece of the protocol that was about taking alcohol out. And I like many people, I think over the course of COVID we started having a glass of wine at the end of the day more frequently, because we were stuck at home and there was you know, there's studies that show there was a large increase of people drinking during COVID. And it really culminated in August of going to end of July, August of 2020. We took a three week trip we have a boat we're boaters and that's a very social and alcohol is a very center a lot of at the center of a lot of socializing. And so we took this amazing three week trip to northern the North Channel. And I drank for every day for three weeks because we were on vacation and I wasn't drinking heavily. I was just having, you know, a cooler in the afternoon and some wine and it was just sort of consistent and by the end during the vacation, I felt horrible. And it was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back that I knew I needed to explore making a change. And I came across Annie Grace's this naked mind book, which I always recommend to people. And that sort of started the journey. And I was like, I'm just going to try this for a little while, treat it as an experiment and see if it makes a difference in all of these things that I'm feeling. And it was such a dramatic change for me. And it has been that I've never I've not had a drink since that time.

Yeah, I could relate to that. Because I know if I've gone on an all inclusive and yes, is a free alcohol. All right, a couple of days. And I'm like, Oh, no. More great. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So interesting. And so you are on this journey now? And it's three years. So it's basically ingrained in your lifestyle now?

Yeah, I'd say it's almost three and a half years. And I, I it's just a part of my DNA. I don't even really think about it. I mean, I'm thinking about a lot right now, because I'm talking about it more openly with people. But generally, it's just a non thing. I don't I don't try to not have a drink. I don't think of having a drink I it's just a shift that's happened over time.

And do you find that other people around you have shifted as well.

So it's been interesting, because from the very beginning, I was really conscious of making this a personal choice for me. I was doing this because of how I was feeling and how alcohol was feeling in my body. And I never wanted to impose my views on other people. So I actually didn't tell a lot of people I was doing it at the beginning, because it felt really personal to me. And I didn't want people to feel confronted. And over time, I've shared more and more people now know. And a lot more people as I'm spoke, speak up publicly now. But I would say that my husband spilt still drinks, I would say he drinks less than he did, he has a lot of non alcoholic beers were out voting and that type of thing. And people in my circles still drink, I think I see a lot of people reducing their drinking. So I think it's influenced people to really look at, we just do it so automatically, that we don't even think about what we're doing is the truth. And going alcohol free is a bigger choice to make. But I see a lot of people in my life, making the choice to reduce. And also, unfortunately, some people in my life that are being diagnosed with cancer and different autoimmune diseases that are being forced to go alcohol free, because of their treatments.

Yes, and that's so unfortunate. But I mean, I guess, you know, taking a break, I know when I had H. Pylori, I, I was on very heavy medication, and it was forbidden to drain. Right. And I did it and you know, once in a couple of days, I was noticing it. And then after a while it was it was no big deal. And then of course, when you're pregnant, you're not drinking if you are pregnant. And so those are kind of forced non alcoholic time, since the choice is much different it creates, you really have to have a mindset. So I know you have three keys to shifting to a non alcohol lifestyle. So maybe we'll start there. What are the three keys?

So the first I would say is the mindset you have about making the shift. So when I decided to do this experiment, I had read that book that I just mentioned, Annie grace is this naked mind. And in that book, there was one line that really struck me. And it was not believing that I don't get to drink, but believing that I don't have to drink. So I still have the choice. If I want to have a glass of wine, I could do that. But I am choosing right now, not to do that. And that subtle shift made a really big difference for me. So believing, like focusing on what it is all the benefits you're getting from it rather than focusing on what you're missing out on. Because as we know that what you focus on grows, so if you're focusing on Oh, I'm at this party, and everyone else is drinking, and I'm not getting to, that impacts the experience that you're gonna have at that party. So if you go into that party with the mindset that I am still going to have fun, I was really really clear from the beginning that I still wanted to have an active social life. I still wanted to do all the things I did. I just wanted to do them without alcohol on my glass. So I still have an active social life i We still vote I still do all the things I did. I just changed what's in my glass which I think leads To the second piece is having some non alcoholic alternatives that can help you still feel like you belong and you fit in. So if you're not drinking and you have a glass of water, you might feel like you're different from what everyone else is doing. But if you're in a social situation, and you have a non alcoholic wine, or some other kind of non alcoholic spirits or something in your glass, it still makes you feel like you're connecting with people, and you're having that social experience. So for someone who's coming from a place of addiction, having non alcoholic alternatives can be triggering, and is not recommended often. But if you're doing it from a place of adapting your lifestyle to be healthier, I find that having options are is very supportive. So that's the second. And I would say the third is recognizing how much of why you drink is out of habit or ritual, versus an actual physiological craving. So so many of the things that we do are connected to alcohol, we finish a work day and we might want to pour a drink because it's triggering our mind that we're shifting into the evening mode, we go to social events, like so much of why we drink is actually more about the ingrained subconscious beliefs that we have about needing to drink in certain situations.

It's so interesting, you say that this has to do with alcohol, but we have a place up north. And I don't know one day I had chips, when we were unloading the groceries into the fridge, I'll be hauled every time I go the cottage, I crave chips at fine, I have them any other time. But when I'm unloading, because it's fast, and it's easy, and I've been sitting in the car for a couple hours, I want some chips, and I don't even eat chips, you know in our in our home, but only when we go up north. So I crazy, that becomes

a big definitely it's a connection that we make. And I actually had one of those, I was thinking about something yesterday, I did a few things on my to do list that I had been putting off, like I called the CRA to deal with some tax stuff, and I took my dog to the vet, which he hates going and I did all these kind of eat the frog kind of things yesterday. And I was thinking about in the past how I would have triggered a thought often of well, I deserve a glass of wine. Now, I did all these things. And we use it as a reward. And it just becomes an automatic thought that comes up that leads us to then take an action that might not necessarily be aligned with what we want. Or we might not be really even like consciously choosing it just sort of like we fall into the habit of doing it because we're like, oh, I deserve it. After I did all those hard things. So those patterns are really deeply ingrained more so than I think we recognize. But when you start being aware of it, and noticing it, that's when you notice the stories, you're telling yourself oh, I can't go to that social event. All my girlfriends are going we're going to a bar and we're going to watch a band and the whole point is going to drink. I can't do that. Well I can I'm just going to go and order of urgencies are a virgin Mojito, and I'm going to dance and I'm going to hear the music and I'm going to enjoy it as much as I could. There's so much about the story we tell ourselves that's connected to alcohol once you move past the physiological release of the alcohol in your body, a lot of it is about habit and story.

Absolutely. And I do agree with you about you know, having something in your hand that kind of feels like a drink. I know Mike has. He always puts this well. Not always, but most of the time He will put His like orange juice in a wine glass

or Yeah, that's the other trick. Yeah, that's the other thing your mind is connecting the feel of the glass, the looking like it feels like an occasion or something fancy. So I have a big collection of an embarrassing big collection of different types of glasses because I really think that that matters what you put your drink into. So even if it's just a sparkling water with some lime, if it's in a nice glass, it can feel like a cocktail.

That's so funny because I'm asked actually allergic to the sulfates and wine so I can't Okay. And but I see everybody hold the wine glass, you know, with the stem between the Indian and middle finger. And I just think it looks so elegant. I just feel like whenever I have something in a wineglass I feel like a big girl because I can't drink wine and I try and it's this I'm allergic to the sulfate. So it's so interesting. Yeah. And I went to Costco the other day, and I noticed they had Corona. Yes. non alcoholic.

That is exactly the same. It is a go to. So again, being a boater, I'm not a beer drinker, but I do like Corona. And that is one of the drinks, my husband has tasted them side by side, you cannot tell the difference, they are so similar. And there are a lot of good non alcoholic alternatives. There's a lot of beers that are definitely very close to the original wine. So you get into some different variations and quality, and amounts of sugar and mouthfeel, and all these different things. So the wines are trickier, especially the reds. But there are tons of good options. And the market is exploding right now because consumers are demanding more options. And a lot of companies that have alcoholic brands or not are now flipping over where they're introducing non alcoholic versions of a lot of their products.

Yeah, it's very clever marketing. And I know what I gave up gluten for two years solid never touched gluten. I was buying a gluten free beer. So they

Yeah, there's lots of different options.

Yeah, it's really interesting. And you know what I've noticed? Sometimes I want to have a drink. And I realize it's not the drink that I want. It's the sugar I want. Right? Which is awful, because sugar is not good. So I I've substituted, oh, I'm, it's not that I want to have a drink, I want that sugar fix because I am not addicted to alcohol, but I do feel I have an addiction to sugar.

So that's something that some people experienced when they first go off alcohol, when they're first going through the transition, their body is used to having a certain amount of sugar, whether they realize it or not, that's coming through the alcohol. So you'll often find yourself having an increase in cravings for sweets. So some people talk about losing weight, right? When you're when you lose when you take out the calories and, and your liver is working better and all of those things, but some people actually experience the opposite, because they don't realize that they're reaching for more sugar because they're trying to compensate for it. Or they are going back to what I referred to earlier using it as like I deserve this. And I was in this situation. So I quit in August. And I remember the first Halloween that rolled around, I don't even really like the little chocolate bars. And I haven't really eaten them a lot of them in the past. But that year, I was like into all the chocolate bars and like what is happening. And I recognize that number one, it was like a sugar balance craving. And I was using it as an excuse because I was thinking, Well, I'm not having the glass of wine. And that I usually would have on like Halloween night we'd sit on the porch and have a glass of wine and the trick or treaters would come around. So I should be able to have the chocolate bars instead. Like I didn't even like them. But it was I was consuming them because it felt like this deserve ability and this increase in sugar need for sugar. So that's something I often warn people about from the beginning is have some healthier treats on hand that will satisfy some of that sweet craving without finding yourself going into compensating and to give yourself some grace when you're making that transition because it is a massive transition for your body. If you've been drinking regularly over a long period of time, your body has to adapt. And if you eat a few chocolate bars for a little while, a few weeks, like it's not the end of the world you will equalize out but it's this process that happens.

Oh, absolutely. I know that when I was growing up in a Catholic household for Lent, I gave up ice cream. And so to compensate, I ate everything else but ice cream. And like or want like great use, I don't even like to just I was eating everything. And I said I've never given up ice cream again. But now as an adult, I can appreciate I was just substituting and so finding a healthy alternative. For instance, somebody was saying that they gave up chips and instead they chose to eat celery because of the same crunch and this effect. Right? Yeah. So fascinating how the body and the mind work together. Absolutely. Yeah. And so if somebody was contemplating going alcohol free, and those are, as you had mentioned the steps. Is there any support that others can offer? To you, you know, because I feel like in a social setting, there would be a little bit of pressure and so I would want to support the person who is going alcohol free. So how can others support the person who's making this decision?

So to support someone who's making this decision, I would say not to draw a lot of attention to it is the first thing it is If it can feel like a big deal to the person making the change, and they have to get comfortable with even responding when someone says, Why aren't you drinking, and I always advise people to try to just bring as little attention to it as possible, it's often a bigger deal in your own mind. So if you have some, if you're supporting someone who's making this change, not making a big deal of it, is probably the first thing I would say. And the second would be having some good non alcoholic alternatives if you're at a social gathering. So I was getting together with girlfriends over Christmas, and one of my friends bought a really nice bottle of sparkling Prosecco for me, and I just felt so seen and loved by her, making the effort to do that when it when everyone else was gonna be having Prosecco. And her buying that non alcoholic bottle for me made me feel really included and special. So just have some nice alternatives not just pop available for somebody, or juice that makes them feel like they're still a part of the situation.

Yeah, everyone wants to be included and connected. Yeah, sticking out, is not something that you want to emphasize for sure. Yeah, it's

one of our biggest needs as people, especially women is wanting to feel like we're belonging and we're fitting in. So anything you can do to help someone feel like they're still a part of the social situation is great and supportive.

And I would think that it would have an effect on others that they would want to reduce their alcohol intake.

I think it does over time. But initially, it can be confronting for people. Because if I share that I'm alcohol free. Sometimes it makes people reflect on their own relationship with alcohol. And one of the first things that people say often to me is they start telling me how little they drink. When I tell them, they've gone alcohol free. And I'm not, I am not judging anyone, everyone clearly needs to make their own choices is a very personal decision. But it's the natural thing that happens in people as they start sharing about their own patterns. And most people in my life are becoming aware of the health risks of alcohol, and especially in my circles that are in women in perimenopause, menopause days, we're really aware of how everything that we do. And everything we put in our body is impacting our health and our wellness. And, you know, we're spending money on supplements, and we're trying to use non toxic products and all of these things. And the reality is that alcohol is a toxin. And when you put it in your body, it can amplify a lot of the negative symptoms of menopause, perimenopause. So I think that a lot of women are experiencing what I did. And all of a sudden, like after like, I drink Sauvignon Blanc, happily for many years, and then all of a sudden, it just did not sit well. And I think that's pretty common. So I'm seeing a lot of women around me experiencing the same thing and starting to reduce or remove altogether.

Well, yes, because alcohol has the calorie intake, and then the health risks included. Right?

Right. I wasn't aware of the health risks, until I started doing some research. And I was shocked. What I found out. I feel like I and I think many people intuitively know that alcohol is not good for you, but just how much it can increase your risk of cancer as an example. And breast cancer specifically, is shocking. And I just don't think people are aware of the connections, because it's not talked about very publicly in the media, because it's not in the best interest of the advertisers and this, the whole industry that's been built around alcohol. So a lot of the truth in the studies that are available, aren't very widely known or understood.

Yeah, for sure. And I think, well, in our circle, we're very mindful of our health. So we will put that at the forefront, but it's really some investigating that you have to do to see if you want to, you know, participate in those health risks. Right. I do when you had said that about others. For two years, maybe a little over two years. I gave up all gluten, all dairy and all meats. I think I did so I think I did have eggs, and possibly some fish. I can't remember. But you know, I had the same reaction when you know I would go somewhere and you know, there was cheese and then gluten crackers and I couldn't participate. And I felt like I felt that same stigma, I felt a little bit of a stigma, your emotions name. Yeah. Yeah. And I felt like it was, because I was so strict. And that kind of here we're talking about alcohol. But in other people's diets, when you get so strict, it's coming. It is threatening to other people, because then they think they're so disciplined. And it threatens that maybe I'm not disciplined enough. Right?

Yeah, it's there's a lot of similarities between the two. Yeah.

So I see the mindset clearly. And so what are you offering people if they are interested in going alcohol free, because I know you have some exciting,

I do have some exciting things come up. So this is sort of a new journey for me. And I've started over the last few months sharing what I have experienced. And I've had such an incredible response that I've created some events and programs. So the first is an event I'm hosting on January 18. It's called the dry January tasting experience. And I am bringing together some sponsors, clear sips, who is a Burlington based family business that imports and distributes non alcoholic drinks and wines, has partnered with me and we are going to be doing some tastings of non alcoholic wines and a bunch of different non alcoholic drinks. And doing a little bit of education about how to choose different wines and drinks and what to look for sugar and artificial sweeteners and all the different things to give people a chance to try a whole bunch of different things and see what they like, because it can be easy to go out and buy a bunch of things you don't really like. So this is a way for people to get some exposure and to practice socializing, and an experience there where there's no alcohol. So that's coming up. And then on February 1, I'm launching a new program called steal me but alcohol free. And it's a six week program for women who are looking to shift the mindset and have the right tools and support to help guide them through trying on going alcohol free. So I will be guiding people through a series of lessons. And we'll have a weekly call where there's q&a and sharing and a private Facebook group. So that I'm creating a container for women to kind of give themselves the best opportunity to try on going alcohol free and be really mindful of what's happening their body what's happening in their life and share it in a group experience. So that's kicking off on February 1. Well,

those are two exciting opportunities for people who are really going to dive into this. And I do feel as you said, Burlington is in Ontario, Canada. So great to be locally. But the course is online. So anyone Yeah, so that's accessible. And as we record this, it is January and I do feel dry. January is really prevalent around people because over the holidays, they might have overindulge. So Right? Easy time to kind of open up to this mindset.

Yes, and I purposely timed the course to align with dry February, which is the Canadian Cancer Society's fundraising initiative. And it's focused more on removing alcohol for health benefits, which I felt really aligns nicely. Not from a place of overindulgence or addiction, but from a real focus on health. So I aligned with that program. So that if people wanted, they could also do a fundraising initiative alongside of going through the program, just as a nice little bonus if you're in Canada. Yes.

And do you open the program to all beings? Or is it just women have maybe RH middle age?

So it 10 It's tending to be women of middle age? That's sort of what I'm attracting, but it's open to, you know, to any woman that wants to go through the experience in a group setting?

Yeah, I'm going to speak because I feel like we're the same age. You know, we want to feel and look our best. And I've some young people are really opening up to the idea of, certainly, you know, they go in spurts, but then there's times that they want to maybe be open to that as well. I think it's a really great thing to propose to all beings because we're setting the example.

Absolutely. The statistics are showing that like women in the 20s and young, across the board, younger generations are not drinking, they're not choosing to drink, and there's a huge reduction of people that are consuming alcohol in younger age groups. I'm trying to focus on the women in our age group. So I'm 48 and I feel like we are the generations that have alcohol. It's just been normalized for us throughout our whole diet, adult life, it's become ingrained in us. And it's like, how do we shift out of that now, versus the younger generations that are just making the choice not to go in because they're seeing the health risks and benefits. And in some cases, we're choosing to do other things. But for them, it's like they're not going in it for our generations. I feel like it's how do we shift out from something that's been such a part of our life for so long? So that's kind of the distinction I would say is, that's kind of why I'm in this age group. It's, it's, how do I help people try it on and move out of what has become ingrained?

Yeah. And especially if you're in perimenopause, you know, your body's changing so much. You really want to help it and assist it because, you know, it's it's traumatic,

it's traumatic it is, and there's so many things that we can't control, but are going to happen. But if we can do something that can impact our sleep dramatically impact our anxiety, impact, our ability to detoxify, like so many of the things that become compromised because of perimenopause, we can help those things by making this choice across the board. Exactly.

Well, I love this conversation. And I'm so glad that you were on a call for love. I will place all the links and the information in the show notes. But I want to thank you for really speaking to the listeners of a call for love. It was really valuable information and food for thought.

Thank you. Thank you for having me. And

And everybody. Stay tuned for next week and from my heart to yours. Namaste.

Thank you for listening. It would mean so much to me. If you could share this episode with someone you feel could benefit from its message and subscribe to a call for love podcast. To receive new weekly episodes every Tuesday. Head over to global wellness education.com To learn more